{"id":3980,"date":"2010-05-14T22:01:27","date_gmt":"2010-05-15T05:01:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mayanrocks.com\/?p=3980"},"modified":"2010-05-14T22:01:27","modified_gmt":"2010-05-15T05:01:27","slug":"the-bouncer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/?p=3980","title":{"rendered":"The bouncer."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My coworker ate shit, split her lip and nearly broke her arm while walking to work today. As someone whose legs are permanently scarred (and ruined!) from <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mayanrocks.com\/?p=252\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">falling down the stairs last Halloween<\/a>, I empathized and tried to ease her pain with an Iced Caramel Macchiato and a ride home from work. She loves <a href=\"http:\/\/www.eonline.com\/on\/shows\/chelsea\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Chelsea Lately<\/a> and would definitely appreciate this quote:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Luckily, I have friends who escort my drunk ass out before the bouncer does. The same friends also take incriminating cell phone pictures of me passed out in hotel bathrooms and whip them out amongst strangers, but that&#8217;s neither here nor there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My coworker ate shit, split her lip and nearly broke her arm while walking to work today. As someone whose legs are permanently scarred (and ruined!) from falling down the stairs last Halloween, I empathized and tried to ease her pain with an Iced Caramel Macchiato and a ride home from work. She loves Chelsea [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[201,237],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3980","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-friends","category-quotes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3980","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3980"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3980\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3980"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3980"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3980"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}