{"id":2125,"date":"2010-02-10T21:36:30","date_gmt":"2010-02-11T04:36:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mayanrocks.com\/?p=2125"},"modified":"2010-02-10T21:36:30","modified_gmt":"2010-02-11T04:36:30","slug":"two-a-days","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/?p=2125","title":{"rendered":"Two-a-days."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been on this crazy diet and exercise regimen for the past few weeks in preparation for Chel&#8217;s wedding. I just don&#8217;t want to be scrambling to lose three dress sizes in May to fit into <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mayanrocks.com\/blog\/bridesmaid.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">my bridesmaid dress<\/a>. Its pleated waistline promises to hide any indiscretions (like that wing-eating contest you entered the night before or <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mayanrocks.com\/?p=1670\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">that Mexican you didn&#8217;t know was hiding in your uterus<\/a>), but I thought I&#8217;d be on the safe side and pull some two-a-days at the gym. I took kickboxing and salsa dancing today. My kickboxing instructor kept yelling, &#8220;Throw those punches! Squeeze those glutes! You gotta look good for your man on Valentine&#8217;s Day!&#8221; And I&#8217;m thinking, the only man who&#8217;s gonna see me naked on Valentine&#8217;s Day is my masseur at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.yelp.com\/biz\/chiropractique-san-diego\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Chiropractique<\/a>! Boo whore. At least someone&#8217;s hands will be on me that day&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve been on this crazy diet and exercise regimen for the past few weeks in preparation for Chel&#8217;s wedding. I just don&#8217;t want to be scrambling to lose three dress sizes in May to fit into my bridesmaid dress. Its pleated waistline promises to hide any indiscretions (like that wing-eating contest you entered the night [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[190,192],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-diet","category-exercise"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2125","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2125"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2125\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2125"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2125"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mayanrocks.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2125"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}