…or me watching the final episodes of The Office. I CAN’T EVEN.

OneRepublic – I Lived

Me, too, ‘Nard Dog.

It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could’ve been. Jim was five feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person, I’m really happy now. But it would just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, ‘Be strong. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast! Because life just isn’t that long!’

These are obviously in order from least to most important.

Concert season is here!

We kicked off last summer by shaking our sandy parts to Santigold, so it only seemed fitting to do the same this year.

Santigold – Creator

All my favorite vampire couples are breaking up. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the love between immortals. Why even bother setting up an OKCupid profile???

Outta my way, kids! Upside down animals are only my favoritest thing in the world.

It’s been 21 years since I last went to SeaWorld in the fifth grade (do the horrifying math). Yesterday, I went back there with the BFF and her kiddos, and the only souvenir I took home was this walrus photo and a fierce sunburn.

Not gonna lie, I wouldn’t be mad if this happened on the regs.

tessism:

Lucius – Until We Get There

What do you say, is this the time
for one more try at a happy life
What do you say, is this unwise
to think my fears will not reprise

My mom just texted me a screenshot of this puzzle she’s been doing on her iPad.
You guys, this is my future.

The Neighbourhood – Sweater Weather
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/The Neighbourhood – Sweater Weather.mp3]

Use the sleeves on my sweater
Lets have an adventure

Oh, so that’s where you’ve been.

Hanni El Khatib liked my instagram post. I can die now.

Hanni El Khatib – You Rascal You

It’s like watching myself on TV.

LSP is my spirit animal. BUMPS ♥

NICK CARRAWAY: You can’t repeat the past.
JAY GATSBY: Why, of course you can.

All I want in life.

CC: Shirley May

First an iPad mini, now, my apartment elevator is back in service after 10 months of being out of order. My karma must be way up there.

Damn, it feels good to a) be a gangsta and b) have your boss give you an iPad mini!

I only had to work on a Saturday. And sell my soul. No bigs!

Proof that Mindy Kaling and I were separated at birth.

The Weeknd – Wicked Games

Just let me motherfucking love you

I’m pretty sure I just got pregnant from this song.

$10 and 100 ring tosses later, I am still without a rastafarian banana monkey.

Ticket purchased.
Vacation days requested.
Spotify playlist made.
Is it August yet???

Cotton candy cloud @ SpringFest 2013.

Would it make me less of a fatass if I told you it was thin crust???

After working twelve hours of overtime yesterday, I deliriously spent the rest of my night listening to the new Strokes album and watching pole dancing videos on YouTube with this clown.

STEFAN: How does anyone ever seem to move on?
CAROLINE: I think that someday, you’ll meet someone new, and you’ll fall madly in love, and you’ll have moved on without even realizing it.

Many have eaten here, few have died. Just kidding.
(Not that many people have eaten here.)

yellowbricks:

Hiking Chantry Flats was like being in a goddamn fairy tale. It’s pretty much my favorite hike that I’ve done thus far. Unlike the Potato Chip Rock hike that tested my friendship with Pammie and Shi, not once did I think, “Fuck this bitch, I can go on without her!” Ha. Ask me again after we hike the Hollywood Sign…

I REGRET NOTHING.

I would eat this up in the morning. And then have him cook me breakfast afterwards 😉

Trying to stay awake while looking through hot model pics on my new iMac for this microsite I’m designing at work.

My life is so hard sometimes.

It’s been a drinks for dinner kind of month.

• Much needed mule @ Tin Roof Bistro, Manhattan Beach
• Cape Cod @ Forbidden City, LBC
• Sangria @ Phil’s BBQ, SD
• Lost & Found @ Eureka!, SD
• Anthony’s fruity ass cocktail + my back pocket mule @ Brooklyn Girl, SD
• Shock Top Belgian White @ Buffalo Wild Wings, Torrance

Same.

I don’t know whether to be offended or impressed! Ha.
This made my day, Jesse.

Trying to make dinner plans with Jay is like trying to find meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

From the voice of reason ♥
#notyouanthony

bryarly:

Coincidentally, this is also what I like to hear when I’m sad.

I need new friends. Preferably with lower triglyceride levels and more years to share.

I’m taking the $79 I saved on in-home assembly and buying some fucking booze.

Girls = new obsession.

I just need two more things to make this overpriced studio a home. Anyone know where I can get a good deal on a french bulldog and/or a couch in the south bay? I went furniture shopping this past weekend, and nothing seemed worth carrying up three flights of stairs or testing my friendships over.

This show is depressingly relatable. Also, you can get this book on Amazon.
(Don’t ask me how I know.)

For my sad bears, drunk bears, and #whyareweevenhere bears…
The right person won’t need convincing.

Say goodbye to ugly white vertical blinds, and hello to wood blinds and linen curtains. And if you’re wondering if the drapes match the carpet, I’ve got hardwood floors. And so does my apartment! Ha.

I know this is just a rental, but I like to fill the void in my life with home decor.

City and Colour – Of Space and Time

I don’t know what drugs to take
To successfully alter the state
That my mind has been in as of late
Something is eating away at my brain

New album = new tour! I love me some Dallas Green.

Nahhh, I’m good…

File under ‘reasons I can’t go out this weekend’.

Like seriously mini. Is it too much to ask for a double-bowl sink in LA???

24 Hour Fitness??? I’m screwed.

You have nothing. You have a pile of secrets and lies, and you’re calling it love. And in the meantime, you’re letting your whole life pass you by while they raise children, and celebrate anniversaries, and grow old together. You’re frozen in time. You’re holding your breath. You’re a statue waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Living for stolen moments… you keep telling yourself they all add up to something real, because in your mind they have to, but they don’t. They won’t. They never will, because stolen moments aren’t a life. So you have nothing. You have no one.

Ikea frame + Target hooks + my own subway-inspired print = a little piece of San Diego in my home away from home.

Yes, that’s pepper spray hanging on the far right. COME AT ME, BRO.

I should probably go grocery shopping.

Hey girl.

I’m officially settled into my new home on Manhattan Beach Boulevard! I hired a moving company because I live in a third-floor walk-up, and I may or may not still be sore from bringing my TV up the other night! Ha. I was hoping the movers would look like Ryan Gosling à la Blue Valentine, and they did—except they looked less like Ryan Gosling in the first half of the movie and more like Ryan Gosling after they fast forwarded a decade and ripped his heart out (along with most of his hair). Them’s the breaks!

This is pretty much how the rest of my day went.

I regrettably opted for self-installation.

Back to the scene of the crime! Birthday shots at Bub’s with the birthday girl last night. It felt good to be home ♥

#thisiswhyimsingle

BRB dying.

9:30 in the morning might seem a bit early to chalk this day up as a loss, but I’m going to do it anyway. This does not bode well for my weekly weigh-in tomorrow.

The sound that came out of my mouth was not human.

At last, an MTV show I can get behind.

Silver Linings Playbook. Loved, loved, loved.

Can someone bring me a soft pretzel? I’ll be in bed under the covers. Thanks.

This makes me miss home.

Disneyland is Alicia’s favorite place, and Alicia is my favorite preggo ♥

Vendors:

• Sweet Cheeks Baking – Minnie Mouse Cake
• acookiejar – Minnie Mouse Sugar Cookies
• ClaudiaCupcakeLady – Minnie Mouse Cupcake Ear and Bow Toppers
• katiedidesigns – Pink Striped Paper Straws

What was supposed to be a quick break from baby shower planning turned into 7 hours of drinking and me getting a ride home at 2am! This hostess was def hurting in the morning.

OLIVIA: I wait for you. I watch for you. My whole life is you. I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you. You own me, you control me, I belong to you…

FITZ: You own me! You control me. I belong to you. You think I don’t want to be a better man? You think that I don’t want to dedicate myself to my marriage? You don’t think I want to be honorable? To be the man you voted for? I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep without you. I wait for you, I watch for you. I exist for you. If I could escape all of this and run away with you? There’s no Sally and Thomas here. You’re nobody’s victim, Liv. I belong to you. We’re in this together.

…

I stayed home from work for a couple of days this week… partly because I have the flu, but mostly because I wanted to catch up on Scandal!

I may be a little late to this party, but how awesome is this show???

This weather is really starting to interfere with my ‘no pants’ rule in bed.

Dinner and drinks at Whisknladle with my loves last night! 31 feels a lot like 30.

Much needed mo-pho-jitos at Manhattan Beach Post last weekend with my friends who came to visit and a one Marshall Faulk who is probably the biggest dick on earth.

He and his bevy of blondes were seated at a communal table with us. I had no idea who he was, of course, but Anthony has been a fan of his since he played for San Diego State. Marshall Faulk was such an asshole to Anthony when he tried to talk to him, though! Hey man, only me and my friends are allowed to be assholes to Anthony! Ha.

After putting in 20 hours of overtime this weekend, I don’t know what’s sadder—is it that I had vending machine pop tarts for dinner, or that I know from experience that the lights automatically shut off at my work at midnight?

This pretty much sums up my new year’s resolutions for 2013.

BRB winning at life.

It was raining all weekend, so naturally I thought it was a good idea to bust out the ice cream maker attachment that my brother-in-law got me for my stand mixer!

Last night, I made a raspberry sorbet that would bring you to your knees.

Framboise Lambic Beer Sorbetto
from The Ciao Bella Book of Gelato & Sorbetto

6 cups fresh raspberries
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Simple Syrup (see below)
1 cup Framboise Lambic

Place the raspberries and lemon juice in a food processor and puree until smooth, then pour through a fine-mesh strainer into a bowl, pressing on the solids to extract the raspberry puree. Discard the seeds.

Whisk the chilled simple syrup into the raspberry puree. Put mixture in fridge to chill.

Pour the beer into a medium saucepan and place over medium heat. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat slightly, and boil for 1 minute. Watch the pan carefully so it doesn’t boil over. Remove from the heat and let cool.

Gently whisk the beer into the raspberry mixture. Process in an ice cream maker according to manufacturer’s instructions.

Simple Syrup

1 cup water
1 cup sugar

In a medium saucepan, combine the water and sugar. Place over medium heat and bring to a boil, whisking often to dissolve sugar. Reduce the heat to medium and-low and simmer for 4 minutes, while continuing to whisk until all of the sugar is dissolved. Remove from the heat and let cool, then transfer to a container, cover, and refrigerate until cold, at least 1 hour.

Um, of course my #choking playlist has Young the Giant on it… as does my workout playlist and my baby makin’ playlist. Just kidding. (I don’t have a workout playlist.)

My future is as clear as the shots of vodka my grandmas were doing on Christmas.

…and maybe have some coffee, too 😉

The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping

I gave my landlord a swanky electric wine opener for Christmas, so he invited me upstairs to try his favorite cab sauv before I left LA for the holidays. After a few glasses, he asked me if I had a visitor around 3am the night before. 3am??? #1 How dare you? And #2 that was a one-time thing, and I thought I was being discreet! Ha.

Anyway, he said he heard some noise at the door around three in the morning, but he (mistakenly) thought that I had somebody over, so he didn’t want to go downstairs and bother me. He went to bed and didn’t think anything of it until the next day when he noticed that the front door had been tampered with, and there were fresh scratch marks near the dead bolt. Apparently, someone tried to break into the house while I was dead asleep downstairs! Yikes.

If I knew someone was going to come here in the middle of the night looking for money, I would have woken up and looked with them. I OWN NOTHING! But seriously, according to my landlord, he’s ‘good with rifles’ (um, what?) and I’m pretty good with fabric scissors, so beware, burglars!

I forgot my cell phone in my car last night, and I didn’t realize it till almost midnight.

Can we just take a second to talk about my parking situation??? Okay so #1 I don’t have a designated parking spot. My garage is only big enough for my landlord’s BMW, his Mini Cooper and his diamond shoes. #2 I live on a one way street. If I can’t find parking (which is always), I have to go around the block and onto one of the busiest streets in Redondo before getting back on my street. Don’t even get me started on the street sweeping that happens twice a week. Sometimes, some asshole parks in the middle of two driveways and doesn’t leave enough room to park in front or behind them. And sometimes that asshole is me. But I digress.

It was already late, and I had to park two blocks away last night, so I considered staying off the grid till morning. Plus I had already taken my bra off, so I was in for the night. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to wake up for work without all the alarms I have set on my phone, so I grabbed my sharpest pair of fabric scissors (in case some beach bum tried to get crazy) and sprinted to my car. Okay so maybe it was more of a light jog. Get off me. Not only was I running with (fabric) scissors, but I was also running with no bra on, and that’s a dangerous situation in itself, amirite?

I’m going to file this under ‘lies I tell myself’.

Happy birthday to the oldest 32-year-old I know! Love you, Pammie ♥

…and I thought I was having a shitty week. Seriously, whose tooth is it, Michael???

I baked this chocolate babka over the weekend, and it tasted exactly like the chocolate strudel from Extraordinary Desserts! Even with my new stand mixer, food processor, and Pammie’s forearms, it took hours to make. I’m pretty sure time started moving backwards as I waited for this shit to rise (twice!). I literally pulled them out of the oven at 2am and was too tired to have my way with it till morning.

Here’s Martha Stewart’s recipe if you have two pounds of chocolate and five sticks of butter laying around. This recipe yields three loaves, so I think you should make some and share it with your neighbors. Especially if you live near me.

Apparently, by the time a woman hits 30, she loses about 90% of her eggs.

This may be the red devil in my belly speaking, but who wants to go halfsies on a baby two-pack of First Response fertility tests???

1. This is what happens when you try to balance your phone and enough El Pollo Loco to feed a small village in one hand! My iPhone is completely shattered, but luckily, my ultimate pollo bowl went unharmed.
2. Being a maid of honor has its perks! Thanks to the newlyweds for my very own KitchenAid stand mixer! I knew putting it on my wish list five years in a row would pay off! Ha. Let’s get baked 😉
3. It was the only straw I had in my apartment, and my sister used it to suck down some protein, naturally.
4. Rocky likes to take food from his bowl and eat it behind the couch in shame. He’s such a Choa.
5. Chel wore my bra on her face to prove that my boobs are as big as her head.
6. Alexis’ first Thanksgiving! It’s never too early to introduce deep fried turkey legs into your life.

Two Door Cinema Club – Sleep Alone

And I don’t know
If in the morning I will be here and if so
Let it be known
That I was worthy
I was worthy
I was worthy
I was…

Oh hey, I’m just blogging from my new Macbook Pro with retina display. No bigs!

I bought it with two credit cards and the promise of my firstborn, but I don’t have to use my old macbook held together by binder clips anymore, so I’m just going to focus on that.

I never thought I’d be shopping on Black Friday or eating Hot Dog on a Stick at two in the morning (or at any time really), yet there I was at Parkway Plaza with my sister and my preggo bestie doing both of those things…

And I want you
I want you
I still do

80s dance party at The Observatory with Walk the Moon!

It’s like she looked right through my hipster glasses and into my soul.

Mumford & Sons – Winter Winds

And my head told my heart
Let love grow
But my heart told my head
This time no, this time no

Loved, loved, loved.

…or LA bound at least. I’m back from my sister’s fabulous wedding in Vegas! More soon…

I hope santa gets me something from my gentlemen’s quarters board this year.

Enjoy Bill Hader corpsing while I go party at an abandoned whitefish factory in Little Israel.

Chel’s birthday brunch at Prepkitchen last Sunday!

(Photo courtesy of @instapammie—I was too busy getting served by Anthony to take any pictures! Ha.)

I’m horrible at returning messages… I currently have 403 unread emails in my inbox! If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I probably haven’t gotten to your email yet. (But if your name is Anthony, I’m really just ignoring you.)