Sarcastic asshole? Check.
Man’s man? Check.
Danny Castellano is clearly my type.

Evidence that The Mindy Project is actually about my life.

This pretty much sums up every conversation I’ve had in LA.

Lucky for me, I’ll be escaping Carmageddon II this weekend to be in SD for Pammie’s bridal shower! Can’t wait to see you clowns 🙂

Holy pelvic thrust, Robin!

Did anyone else spend their Saturday night in their bra and underwear watching JGL on SNL???

Yeah, me either.

I’ve always wanted to A) watch a show at Red Rocks and B) see Mumford and Sons live… Someday I’ll do both (just not any day soon). Mumford announced their one show in LA this year, and it just happens to be the day of my sister’s wedding! Boo whore.

I should get the bushiest beaver award for planning Pammie’s bridal shower! There’s no time for blogging when you’re busy making fondant hearts and fabric bunting. What has my life come to?

The only thing I use my Google+ account for is to back up my 3,000+ iPhone photos, so that when I inevitably drop my phone outside my car window while driving and tweeting pics of my dog, I won’t lose important photos like these:

Clockwise from top left:

1. If you want to know my secrets, a couple of outdated phone chargers can unlock all the mysteries.
2. I found them like this on my desk when I came back from lunch. They didn’t expect me to be back so soon, obvi.
3. Sometimes when you’re Asian (or when your name is Shirley May), you find rice stuck to your shoe hours after you’ve eaten.
4. You can’t see it in this photo, but Jesse texted me a pic of his 22″ sausage.
5. I took a picture of my Leg Magic machine so I could put it up for sale on Craigslist. It was taking up too much space in the house, and I needed to make room for my expanding waistline.
6. Drinking on the job during my final days at work! My boss brought in a case of beer to drown everyone’s sorrows after they found out I was leaving.

My art director asked if I needed any supplies like pens, post-its, a bladeless Dyson fan… no bigs!

Or… me trying to carry all of my groceries plus enough takeout to feed a family of six last night. Two trips are for pansies!

I tried to sneak four cases of water into my shopping cart while my sister and her fiance were here to help last weekend, and they were NOT amused! Boo whore.

Honey Boo Boo‘s mama is only 2 years older than me! I have so much to look forward to.

After waking up every day at an unholy hour, driving upwards of 2 hours each way, putting 550 miles on my car, and paying $46 in toll fees to commute back and forth between my sister’s place in the OC and my job in Manhattan Beach, I’ve finally moved into my new place in Redondo Beach! I couldn’t be happier that I’m only 2 streets away from my work now.

When I found this steal on Craigslist and submitted my rental application, the landlord who lives upstairs mentioned that he loves Filipino food and has never met a Filipino he didn’t like. I mean… if he only leased the bottom floor of his townhouse to me because he thinks I know how to cook Filipino food, then he’s in for 3 months of disappointment!

Congrats Trace & Gary ♥

BRB my heart is exploding.

Pammie’s wedding is only ten weeks away!

My maid of honor dress has no room for error. And I’m just gonna tell you right now… there’s a lot of error.

Everything happened so fast with the move that I didn’t have time to think about it. I’m so much happier at my new job, but I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my dog. Le’sigh.

What does it mean?!?

If heaven is a 6×8 glass-enclosed cubicle, then this is it.

Mumford & Sons – I Will Wait

And I will wait
I will wait for you

Manhattan Beach! I could get used to this…

If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.

Clearly, San Diego was sad to see me go.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for the past year or two (or five), and today I finally get to publish this shiznittle bam snip snap sack!

No time! There’s never any time!

The first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

Mr. Little Jeans – Rescue Song (RAC Remix)

Dessert and drinks at D Bar followed by an encore of Celeste and Jesse Forever with the original Celeste and Jesse Chel and Anthony last night!

When Anthony texted that he was waiting for us in the second row, far left, he meant in the theater that was actually showing the movie, and not the one that Chel and I were sitting in for five minutes before we realized that what we were in the wrong theater! Ha. We always seem to get lost when we’re together…

Chatting with you is the only thing I’m going to miss about work! It puts a smile on my face when you send me nick@nite texts and pictures of your 22″ hot dog, so try not to forget about me after I blow this popsicle stand!

Oh my glob, you guys!

You know I’m moving, not dying, right? Ha. I’m only going to be a couple hours away. Besides, I have a year’s worth of free Nothing Bundt Cake bundlets to claim from their Mission Valley store, so you know I’ll be down in SD at least once a month (if you thought I was leaving my voucher with one of you clowns, you were mistaken!).

But I believe good things happen everyday. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And I believe on a happy day like today, we can still feel a little sad. That’s life, isn’t it?

Snooze with my loves! Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with news 😉
Thanks for breakfast, Anthony ♥

I’m officially the new Web Designer for Skechers! LA, here I come… Yikes!

I’m pretty sure this is what will be waiting for me on the other side when my time comes.

I think the GPOY is assumed here.

@idntfd HOW DARE YOU

I guess it’s time for my annual car wash.

You are a souvenir shop, where he goes to remember how much people miss him when he is gone.

Spring Valley: Where Paul Walker gets his fabulous $10 hair cuts (but only on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays).

Okay, but only if it’s on the dollar menu. I’m cheap.

Surely, our bitchy exclusivity will transcend death.

I’m almost exclusively attracted to these men.

Today, I found out that my BFF is pregnant with her third kid. It’s almost like I’m having a baby, too, but without the weight gain or the big boobs. Oh, wait…

Clearly, some galactigeek has been using my Amazon Prime account…

(I’m talking to you, Shirley May!)

When I got into work this morning, Jesse had me watch this video of the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders lip syncing to ‘Call Me Maybe’ in bikinis.

I immediately regretted everything I ate this past weekend in life and cried into my bowl of oatmeal. With ground flaxseed. And two splendas.

Too soon.

I had my camera in one hand and my Texas-sized maple bacon donut in the other! Um, best day evs. More videos of Young the Giant at the OC Fair here.

I have exactly one week to learn these dance moves before my grandma’s birthday party.

If I’m going to participate in that office juicing potluck tomorrow (don’t ask), I’m going to have my way with Ben and Jerry tonight!

At least we still have Kimye.

Things I learned at the OC Fair yesterday:

• Young the Giant is just as good the third time around.
• The porkabello kabobs from Bacon A-Fair are gravely disappointing.
• I only like cute farm animals on the interwebs—IRL the smell of livestock elicits my gag reflex.

I went wedding dress shopping with Pammie this past weekend. It was like an episode of Say Yes to the Dress, except I was the one tearing up! She looked so beautiful ♥

We took the dress back home to her condo where she suggested I try it on. Why not, right? It might be the only chance I get to wear a wedding dress! Ha. More than 24 hours have passed since I took that gorgeous gown off, and I am still dead inside.

As far as Mondays go, today has been exceptionally shitty.

It’s like they know me.

Private acoustic show with Imagine Dragons at The Griffin last night! Thanks, Jessie ♥

More videos here.

heartworm, n.
a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

Smolderhalder and one of the free Fifty Shades pins they were giving out at Comic Con!

The net worth of that pin just went up. A lot.

I’m doing it wrong.

I took a shotgun trip to Vegas this past weekend with my sister and her fiance to finalize plans for their wedding this November. I’m going to be the best maid of honor ever! Or at least the sexiest one… I’ll work that angle 😉 Ha.

Let the wedding workout regimen commence!

@ ‘Lette Macarons in Newport Beach!

(Somebody’s getting just as stupid about macarons as Shirley May is.)

You know things are bad when you start to consider the conductor of a park train and your friends are encouraging that shit!

Chel‘s parties are always pinterest-worthy, and Darien’s first birthday was no exception! Old Poway Park is an awesome place to have a kid’s birthday party (preferably if your kid was born between the months of October and May—I was sweating like a whore in church!).

Here’s a baseball-themed birthday invitation I designed for my favorite little slugger ♥

More from my design portfolio here.

Thrillist describes the Douche Burger as “a $666 edible fiscal disaster that piles caviar, lobster & truffles on top of a foie-stuffed, gold-leaf-wrapped Kobe patty, smothers it with Gruyere melted with Champagne steam, and finishes it off with BBQ sauce made using Kopi Luwak coffee that’s passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet.”

Do five other people want to go in on one of these??? Also, this image from 666 Burger’s facebook page looks like the first thing I created in Photoshop 4.0 circa 1996:

If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.

I stole this idea from Pinterest to put a dollar in a jar every time you go to the gym as an incentive to work out more. I picked one up from Ikea a week and a half ago, and it’s still empty! Although now that I think about it, I should really put $5 in it for every hour I was hiking that god awful mountain last Sunday.

I feel like I’m always losing the same ten pounds, because I do really well for a good chunk of time (usually around 8 weeks and when $407 is at stake—I’m just throwing random numbers out there). But soon after I remember how much I love food and hate exercising. I have yet to find a balance between the two.

A friend once told me, “I don’t live to eat. I eat to live.” At least I think that’s what he said… I could barely hear him over the crunching in my mouth as I polished off my carne asada chips! Ha.

All or nothing was bullshit. It never worked out that way. Life was all about taking what you could get when you could get it and surviving when it wasn’t enough.

Exercise in the morning before your body knows what it’s doing.

Oh, my body knew damn well what it was doing.

I said the last time was the last time, and I’d never go back… yet there I was, at an unholy hour on a Sunday, back at Mount Woodson with Shi and Pammie!

I’m pretty sure the sun tried to kill us all today. Worst five hours EVAR!

Armed with my Les Petits Macarons cookbook, Shi and I trolled the grocery store and soon realized that the Vons in Santee doesn’t carry the necessary accoutrements for such parisian delights! We gave up and bought some already made macarons from The Living Room instead. Boo whore.

There is a hell, and it’s the Via de la Valle off ramp during fair season! It took us four hours to get to the fair last night, but the deep fried deliciousness and freakishly large turkey legs that put me in a food coma made it worth the drive!

My Girl Scout Cookie Locator app has met its match.
Take me to your leader maple bacon donuts!

Walk the Moon – Fixin’

Are you fixin’ to come with me?
Are you fixin’ to fix me?

Happy 1st birthday to my favorite chumbawamba!
Your Jim Halpert impression is flawless, kid ♥

Young the Giant has been on constant rotation in my car for over a year now. I’m not particularly proud of it (that’s a lie). And I want you to know, it ends right here (also a lie).

On the drive to work this morning, I tried listening to the radio for a change. While flipping through stations, I heard songs by P.M. Dawn, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Mary J. Blige, TLC… Is it 1992? Am I back in the fifth grade? Did I just leave a note in David Krzywicki’s desk telling him that I think he’s cute???

If I wanted to hear 90s music, I’d listen to Shi’s “current” playlist! Ha.

P.M. Dawn – Set Adrift On Memory Bliss

Free bundtlets for a year from Nothing Bundt Cakes???

Now I don’t have to go in there and pretend I’m buying a cake for someone else anymore. Or birthday candles to corroborate my lies. I mean what. I don’t do that.

And I want you
I want you
I still do

Mark Duplass – Big Machine (Acoustic Version)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Mark Duplass – Big Machine (Acoustic Version).mp3]

Maybe I’m wrong and all that you get is what you see
Maybe I’m right and there’s something out there to believe

It’ll change your life, I swear.

One of the few designer accessories I’ll splurge on is my glasses—partly because I wear them 24/7 (even in the shower if there’s a spider in the bathroom… yikes!), but mostly because the last time I got my eyes checked may or may not have been during the Clinton regime. Clearly, I need quality that lasts.

Nobody needs a Marc by Marc Jacobs laptop case. Or iPhone wristlet. Or tablet case. But I’ve been eyeballing them all day today, and I’ve decided that I can’t live without them!

Maybe if I had used protection sooner, a binder clip wouldn’t be holding my Macbook Pro together right now.

ROBIN: She’s got you on the hook.
TED: What? I’m not on the hook.
ROBIN: Ted, “right now” is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase.
MARSHALL: Yup. “Right now” paints a picture of some sort of magical future time when everything will work out, but the truth is, that will never happen.
ROBIN: You like having Henrietta around for the same reason that Tiffany likes having you around—it’s a nice little ego boost. She’s stringing you along. She’s not committing to you, but she’s keeping you around just in case, like an old can of chili in the pantry.

Um, who’s buying canned chili and not eating it immediately???

When my friend suggested dinner at D Bar, I had no idea it was owned by Keegan Gerhard from The Food Network… that is, until he came up to our table at the end of the meal and asked if something was wrong with Chel’s half eaten dish! While their chicken and waffle sandwich was nothing to write home about, I thoroughly enjoyed everything else I put in my mouth last night—including the food at D Bar 😉 Ha! I wanted their shrimp poppers to have my babies, and I thought that their lobster mac & cheese tasted infinitely better than the crab mac from Lei Lounge. Had I known this place was owned by one of the top ten pastry chefs in America, I would have saved room for dessert! I will def be back for dessert and drinks, especially since Keegan was so sweet to us and graciously comp’d Chel’s food.

I can barely move my arms after working out with Jesse. I have blisters on my feet from yesterday’s hike with Shi. And while I wore pants, a long-sleeved shirt and a hat to protect my skin, the small area of my chest that was exposed got sunburned.

I think my body is rejecting me.

That 4-hour hike up Mount Woodson was brutal, but I somehow made it to the top and back down again with a little determination and a lot of blood in my shoes.

Your sunshine is as blinding as ever, Shirley May.

Apparently, I’ve agreed to hike up Mount Woodson at an unholy hour on my day off tomorrow! I don’t even know who I am anymore…

Fuck, can I get pregnant from this???

When Jesse told me that I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to, but if I did, I’d be sore in the morning, this was not how I expected to spend my evening! Ha.

And so there I was at the gym with him after work today, in two sports bras and a ponytail with my glasses securely bobby-pinned to my head. Hard to resist, I know, but somehow he managed!

Thanks for working me out and not pretending you didn’t know me when I nearly broke the tricep dip machine! I meannn. I’ll try to be less embarrassing next time!

Milo Ventimiglia—a founding member of my freebie five—is suiting up as a mob lawyer in Frank Darabont’s new TNT drama, L.A. Noir.

Barnito Supreme speaks the truth.

New prints are up in my Etsy shop!

We’re pretty much the coolest people I know.

Happy 30th birthday to the dirtiest sanchez I know!

Welcome to the club, old whore ♥

This would have been useful when I burned my thigh on my laptop. Or when my curling iron rolled off the bathroom counter and I tried to catch it with my vagina.

I really should start wearing pants around hot surfaces.

My summer soundtrack ♥

Update (6/9): For those of you who asked—and by ‘those of you’ I mean ANTHONY, and by ‘asked’ I mean demanded—you can download all the songs from this playlist here. Enjoy, my lovelies!

Loved this book in highschool.
Love the Imagine Dragons song in the trailer.
Can’t wait to see the movie!

Christine, Jessie and I got naked and famous at SPF 94/9 in Oceanside last night!

I was too busy shaking my sandy parts to record anything during Santigold, but she was def the highlight of my night! Here’s a vid of her performing in the OC:

Imagine Dragons – Demons
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Imagine Dragons – Demons.mp3]

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Mel has been working on the MTV Movie Awards all week and was able to get me and Shi into an advance screening of Magic Mike plus Q&A with Channing Tatum in LA last night!

I. CAN’T. EVEN.

More photos here.

You can’t save a damsel if she loves her distress…

Firecrackers in the east, my car parked south
Your hands on my cheeks, your shoulder in my mouth
I was up against the wall on the west mezzanine
We rattle this town, we rattle this scene
Oh, Anna Sun

Last night, I did two things I haven’t done in a long time—I went to happy hour with Kelley (who I haven’t seen in four years!), and I ate solid foods.

It was glorious.

Someone at the bar thought I was 21 (bless their heart) and told me that I had beautiful skin! My inner goddess swayed in a gentle victorious samba. Clearly, I’ve been reading too much Fifty Shades.

Kraft + mustard business cards for my favorite photographer, Raechel Denise!

More from my design portfolio here.

I love me some graphic novels! And I’m not talking about the kind with pictures 😉 Ha.

I read the entire Fifty Shades trilogy in three days, and I don’t know what to do with myself now. I have a weakness for the brooding, sadistic type (don’t judge me!), so if anyone has any book suggestions (or knows any actual brooding sadists haha), then send those bad boys my way!

I’ve had to choose between sleeping and reading these past few nights, and the latter always prevails.

I was roped into participating in an office juice cleanse. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and it kind of feels like the first day of school. Minus the fact that you get to eat solid foods that day. I’m pretty sure we’re all going to hate each other by EOD.

I read Fifty Shades of Grey almost immediately after I heard that Ian Somerhalder—a permanent resident in my freebie five—might play the lead in the film adaptation. Also, the mention of a ‘sex chamber’ may or may not have swayed my decision.

My ovaries would explode if any of these guys got picked to play Christian Grey (left to right: Ian Somerhalder, Wes Bentley, Matt Bomer):

Clearly, I have a type!

I finished reading it in less than 24 hours. Never has a book left me so satiated… It’s so jaw-droppingly sexy that I’m not sure how they’re going to make it a movie without it being illegal in some small countries!

I wish my friends would read it already so I could have someone to discuss it with. This must be how those b’s felt about me and Breaking Dawn—I’ve been trying to finish the last book of the Twilight saga since 2008, but all my attempts to read it end with me throwing it across the room in hysterics.

On to Fifty Shades Darker! Laters, baby 😉

Most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it’s good for me, it’s the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill, and it clamped down on my foot… that’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that.

When I woke up to the smell of bacon this morning, I was thrilled—until I realized it was the smell of my thigh burning.

I fell asleep with my laptop on my bed last night, and Macbook Pros are notorious for running ridiculously hot. But since I’m a heavy sleeper who needs three alarms to wake up, I didn’t even flinch when the power adapter came in contact with my bare thigh and gave me a crazy second-degree burn! It’s pretty gnarly, and I can’t wear pants for the next week or so.

Oh, well. I don’t like wearing pants anyway.

Pammie and I made these maple bacon donut holes for her fiance’s birthday tomorrow!

Pinterest is slowly domesticating me, one recipe at a time…

I get that a lot.

I’m probably not going to reblog New Girl gifs for the rest of the night. But also… I might. 

They just aired the season finale of New Girl. Let the ugly crying commence!

That awkward moment when you realize you were listening to Taylor Swift when your private session timed out on Spotify.

All that I know is I don’t know how to be someone you miss

I went outside to grab something from my car when some creeper who works a few warehouses down tried to hit on me. He said that he has seen me around and has been meaning to introduce himself, all while staring at my chest! I hadn’t had any coffee yet, and I was not in the mood to be ogled. I told him I needed to get back to work, and he told my chest to come visit him anytime. Ugh. I truly wonder if he felt that went well.

I’m going to file this encounter under ‘reasons I need a new job,’ along with having to buy dental groupons because my work doesn’t provide basic dental insurance.

RUSSELL: Look, Jess, I’ve already done the crazy, explosive passion thing. When I was with Ouli, it was like edging closer and closer to a wood chipper… I’m not looking for that anymore.
JESS: I understand. But I am. And I want passion. Even if it’s harder and hurts more.

I made these portobello pizza bites, and they were so good that I almost forgot that I ruined my Calphalon pan broiling these bad boys. Almost.

Camisole (China Glaze) + Only Gold For Me (Sephora by OPI)

I’m obsessed with this top coat!