I’m on instagram, partly because I follow a bunch of dogs, but mostly because of this guy 😏 His caption on this post is, “I baked you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.” 😳

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

Eating more eggs because my primary care physician said I need to raise my “good” cholesterol. This is 41, y’all 👵🏼

Egg Bite Recipe (adapted from Recipe Girl’s Copycat Starbucks Egg Bites):

• Simple Truth Natural Cage Free Eggs – 10
• Applegate Naturals Uncured Turkey Bacon – 5 Slices
• Private Selection Alpine Blend Shredded Swiss & Gruyère Cheese – 2 cups
• Knudsen Small Curd Low Fat Cottage Cheese – 2 cups

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place a wire rack on top of the prepared baking sheet. Line the raw turkey bacon on the wire rack in a single layer. Make sure no strips overlap one another. Place strips of turkey bacon in the pre-heated oven for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, flip the bacon strips over one by one, and bake them for another 7 minutes. Cut the turkey bacon into little pieces (I used kitchen shears) and set aside.

Pre-heat oven to 350°F. Spray 24 cups in two regular-sized muffin pans generously with nonstick spray (I used these silicone muffin molds and Simple Truth Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil Cooking Spray). Combine the eggs and cottage cheese in the blender, and then stir in the shredded cheese jg. This results in a fluffier texture without the cottage cheese being visually present. My Vitamix is at my mom’s, so I used my sister’s milk frother that she uses to make her matcha green tea every morning to make the small curds even smaller LOL (don’t tell her). Pour the mixture into the muffin pans, filling each about half full to leave room for the egg to expand while baking. Top with the turkey bacon bits. Bake for 30 minutes, or until the eggs are completely cooked. Remove from the oven and take out of the muffin pan.

I’ve actually never had the egg bites from Starbucks (I was too busy eating birthday cake pops and washing them down with trenta pink drinks, so I can’t compare them, but these tasted really good)! My sister’s husband said they even taste better than the egg bites from Costco (high praise coming from him LOL)!

Since I only eat two a day, I froze the rest and nuke them for ninety seconds in the morning for a quick breakfast. I also add crushed red pepper and fresh ground black pepper to taste. I don’t salt my food (I’m trying to cut back on the sodium, too), but feel free to add some salt if you want!

Each Egg Bite: Calories: 87. Carbs: 1. Fat: 5. Protein: 8. Sodium: 169. Sugar: 1.

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Miso Chilean sea bass (a riff on the miso black cod from Nobu) with baby bok choy drizzled with crunchy garlic chili oil.

The miso marinade was a bitch to make (it was so thick!) and a bag of five Chilean sea bass fillets was almost $50 at Costco, but it was worth it (one miso black cod at Nobu is nearly $40!).

This whole ass meal was *chef’s kiss*. Bon appétit!

This article explains so much 🤣

Sidenote: The only place I’ve ever drank water from the tap is when I stayed at the Ace Hotel in Portland. The water from the kitchen faucet was so cold and refreshing. I would never drink the water from the tap from my apartment in LA! LOL. Not even if that shit was Brita’d (I would sooner get a bottled water from the liquor store next door or the gas station across the street!).

I’ve been wanting to make these TikTok Cinnamon Rolls for forever, and when the girls came over for brunch months ago, imagine my surprise when I found out it was a “healthy” brunch (it was after the incident), we were having healthy shit like crudité, Christine knew brunch was gonna be healthy so she ate a Mcdonald’s breakfast sandwich beforehand LOL, and no one brought waffles!

I thought Mother’s Day was a good excuse to make these cinnamon rolls, so I did and everyone loved them! They were sooo good and I’ll def be making them again.

The best part is you use canned cinnamon rolls to make it! Ain’t nobody got time to make cinnamon rolls from scratch.

This is not my picture, although that logo looks like my dutch oven and my glasses (am I that basic???). My cinnamon rolls turned out exactly like these, but my family devoured them before I could take a picture. Also, I would never use that upper font LOL.

Partly because it’s Cinco de Mayo, but mostly because I wanted a burrito (@ Lolita’s)

Don’t let the picture fool you, I only ate half 🤪

I would not trust Mexican food made by a white guy in Arizona. I barely trust the Mexican food in LA (they put beans in everything! Also, why is everything wet??? If I wanted to eat a burrito with a fork and knife, I wouldn’t have ordered a burrito!). All I need in this life of sin is a 2-in-1 burrito from Lolita’s in SD.

People say I’ve become a food snob ever since I moved to LA over a decade ago, and to that I say I’ve always been a food snob LOL.

Have a safe Cinco de Drinko!

Freakin’ birds (@ Starbucks)

Whenever Nori and I would go to Starbucks (pretty much every day LOL) we’d sit outside, and I could barely hear her wordle  guesses over the parrots. Apparently, they live in palm trees, and palm trees are outside every Starbucks we went to in the beach cities.

Also, I was so mad when they took out the nearest Jack in the Box and put another Starbucks in its place. There were already 15 within a 5-mile radius of my apartment!

Who complains about too many Starbucks and palm trees? Is this my life now??? LOL.

I went to Texas Roadhouse again last night, partly because it was Meat Friday, but mostly because I did, in fact, leave my wallet there last week and had to get it LOL.

Celebratory cheeseburger and fries (@ Mcdonald’s)

Nori’s family straight up gasped when they found out how high my blood glucose levels were in the hospital. I recently had to get bloodwork done for my upcoming appointment and my A1C has gone down six points since January (I also haven’t had Mickey D’s since the incident, and I used to doordash their iced coffee every morning even though they’re literally across the street from my apartment). All I had to do (according to Dr. Joshi) was change my friends, change the way I do things and change my whole life (he keeps it too real LOL).

The phlebotomist said I had “easy veins” (usually it’s hard to draw my blood, and one time they even had to go through my hand which is so painful!), she complimented me on my favorite Michael Myers shirt I was wearing (that I wear year-round, not just when it’s Halloween), plus I got to have Mcdonald’s today! Win-win-win.

FYI I had my 7th birthday party at the Mcdonald’s in Bonita. I even still remember what I wore. Point being, I’ve had a special relationship with Mcdonald’s for a long ass time LOL.

Also, yes, that’s a double cheeseburger, and yes, I reward myself with food. Get off me.

Margarita Manzke (co-owner and pastry chef at République in LA) is a 2023 James Beard Award Finalist.

République is one of my favorite restaurants, and the first time I ever went there, they had a mountain of butter out and I mused aloud, “What’s all this butter for?” and one of the workers was like, “PIE.”

Go if you’ve never gone before, or better yet, take me with you!

Well, I don’t work there for the 50% discount 🤣

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Keeping up with Meat Fridays (@ Texas Roadhouse)

Whenever we pass by Pammie’s old stomping grounds, we have to stop by (@ Shik Do Rak)

I treated my sister to her favorite KBBQ spot in her old ‘hood because she’s been driving my ass around and taking care of me for months. After dinner, I treated myself to my first iced coffee since the incident because my doc appointments went so well. Most of the blood tests were negative, so they weren’t worried I have any more underlying conditions. Both my hematologist and rheumatologist gave me good news!

Doesn’t it, though???

P.S. Blue Salt is amazing, near my apartment, and you should totally take me there.

When in LA (@ Urth Caffe)

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends…🍾 🥂

I’m going going, back back, to Callie Callie (@ Callie)

We were finally able to get together and celebrate Jessie’s 40th birthday! 🎂 🎉 🍽️

Jessie knows everyone at Callie since she goes all the time! We met the head chef, Travis (thanks for sending over those complimentary fish collars), saw pictures of the manager’s cute pittie/corgi mix, Gravy, and wished the host well (he’s getting married next month!). Such a great experience, and the food was sooo good!

Love these girls 💕

On Fridays, we eat Korean BBQ (@ Hanu KBBQ)

I took my sister out for dinner, partly because my short-term disability (or STD LOL) was finally approved (EDD is so old school with actual paperwork and snail mail) and the payments are retro to when I applied for my claim in January, but mostly because I checked my ADP app to make sure they took my bennies out of my last paycheck and saw they gave me an unexpected raise and bonus (even though I technically haven’t worked since the incident).

Good thing I was max’d out on sick time and vacation, because that’s how I’ve been getting paid since January. I’ll be lucky if I get my first disability check before I’m back at work!

Cinnamon Roll Cookie (@ Crumbl Cookies)

This cookie is three of my favorite things combined (cinnamon rolls, cookies and Crumbl), so I had to try it. I only had a fourth of it, and it was excellent!

P.S. If you didn’t know by now, I have a bit of a sweet tooth. And if you’re not really a “dessert person,” I think you’re a little bit of a psychopath.

I keep seeing Marco’s Pizza TV commercials (even though there’s no Marco’s near us), so I made a healthier version since I kept craving this pizza I’ve never had.

Pizza Recipe:

• O Organics Pizza Crust, Personal, Thin & Crispy
• O Organics Pizza Sauce, Organic – 1 tbsp
• Trader Joe’s Organic Arugula – 2 cups
• Fresh Cut Red Onions, Diced – 2 tbsp
• Signature Farms Mushrooms Shiitake, Sliced – ½ cup
• Hormel Turkey Pepperoni – 5 slices cut into fourths
• Lindsay California Black Olives, Sliced – 2 tbsp
• Belgiosio Fresh Mozzarella Ball – 4 oz (half)
• McCormick Red Pepper, Crushed – 1 tsp
• Happy Belly Tellicherry Whole Peppercorn – 1 tsp

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Combine ingredients except the crushed red pepper and black pepper and bake for 30 minutes. Add crushed red pepper and fresh ground black pepper to taste when finished baking. (I recently bought an electric grinder and will find any excuse to use it).

Calories: 593. Carbs: 49. Fat: 29. Protein: 32. Sodium: 469. Sugar: 7.

I’m v serious about the half a dark salted caramel I allow myself once a day LOL.

Nori and I used to go to True Food Kitchen for lunch and eat Spaghetti Squash Casseroles, but I’ve been staying in SD since the incident, and parking at The Point was always horrendous anyway. 

I found this copycat recipe and even the meat lovers (me and my sister’s husband) loved it! I’ll def be making it again.

I followed the recipe pretty closely, except I used a 24 oz. jar of Rao’s Marinara Sauce (because it contains no added sugar), used 2 tbsp of dried Italian seasoning blend instead of fresh thyme and oregano (ain’t nobody got time to chop fresh herbs), and bought the onions already diced (because I hate chopping onions and think all vegetables should come already cut and triple-washed). Shi sent me some fake noodles to try (or as I like to call them, “foodles”), but they were awful!!! One of the reviews said, “You can’t burn them, but you’ll want to” LOL. The spaghetti squash is such a good alternative! It’s delicious, even if you aren’t watching your carbs.

I’ve eaten meat every other Friday during Lent, I wasn’t about to stop now LOL (@ Hanu KBBQ)

I had to order delivery today because one of their flavors this week was Iced Oatmeal (my favorite!). I split one with Pammie for lunch, and we both thought it was delicious!!! (@ Crumbl Cookies)

FYI I also like oatmeal raisin cookies from Subway LOL (my first job that my dad made me get when I was fifteen) and the molasses cookies they used to have at Milk in LA.

My sister’s bro-in-law, Paul, treated us out for Korean BBQ tonight! (@ Hanu KBBQ)

Thanks for the dinner, laughs, and letting me pay you in your first ever Crumbl cookie! (Did you love it? I’m still trying to convince Pammie and D, but Christine let her kids pick the flavors last time, so ofc they picked all the wack ass cereal kinds LOL).

My sister’s husband asked me what I ordered a lifetime supply of and I was like huh? I only ordered 2 boxes so I’d get free shipping this morning and have something to eat at the John Wick: Chapter 4 movie tonight LOL.

I ordered 2 boxes of Atkins bars for nearly $14 each, and Amazon accidentally delivered 2 CASES (12 boxes!). Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars, anyone???

We used to get Cookie Good at work sometimes and they opened a brick and mortar in Santa Monica a few years ago, but they ship nationwide. I ordered a dozen after getting this email (I’m easily swayed), and I’m def gonna split one tonight when it arrives. I’m thinking Blueberry Pancakes. Or Caramel Pretzel Chocolate Chunk. Or Cinnabun. Or Circus Animal. Or S’mores. LOL.

Cookie Good is better than Crumbl IMO, but I won’t turn down a Crumbl cookie (or any cookie for that matter).

Update 4/1: I had to do a taste comparison (for science) and Crumbl has a s’mores flavor this week. IDK why I bought the other 3 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Verdict: Although the Crumbl cookie was delicious, my favorite s’mores cookie is still from The Cookie Corner in Hawaii.

This sheet pan sausage and veggies Pammie and I meal prepped this past weekend has been a dream since my sister is in Denver this week for work, my mom is in the Philippines for one more week, and I’m staying with my dad who sleeps past 10am and thinks chinese takeout and salmon are suitable for lunch and dinner every day LOL.

This is just what I used below, but you could use whatever you have in your pantry:

Sheet Pan Sausage & Veggies Recipe

• Aidells Smoked Chicken & Apple Sausage – 12 oz. (1 package – 4 links cut into about 10 pieces each)
• Trader Joe’s Organic Tri-Color Bell Peppers – 3 Count (1 package – cut into about 1-inch pieces)
• Trader Joe’s Organic Broccoli Florets – 12 oz cut into halves (1 package)
• Trader Joe’s Handcut Butternut Squash Cubes – 20 oz. (1 package)
• Trader Joe’s Microwavable Brussels Sprouts – 10 oz. cut into halves (1 package)
• Red Onion – 1 large (cut into about 1-inch pieces)
• Minced Garlic – 3 tbsp
• Primal Avocado Oil – 4 tbsp
• Mrs. Dash Garlic & Herb Seasoning Blend – 2 tbsp
• Fresh Ground Black Pepper – to taste (I used about 1 tbsp)

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F and combine all ingredients in a mixing bowl. Dump onto two baking sheets covered in parchment paper (for easy clean up) and “convect roast” (that was the setting I used on my sister’s KitchenAid Oven) for 30 minutes (or less if you don’t like it charred) and voilà!

I divvied the recipe in four and put them into these containers because they’re cute to make sure I got one sausage link and plenty of veggies per meal, and these are the nutrition facts per serving if you’re into that:

Calories: 481. Carbs: 39. Fat: 26. Protein: 19. Sodium: 695. Sugar: 7.

Also, who am I right now???

See’s is everywhere in LA, and I never understood how they stayed in business until I had a Dark Scotchmallow in my thirties.

I ordered some limited edition Dark Mint Scotchmallows from their website (they were sold out for St. Patty’s Day at my local See’s), and I allow myself half a piece a day LMAO.

(FYI, I also like Dark Salted Caramels and Toffee-ettes.)

On Tuesdays, I see my therapist and she’s minutes away from my favorite doughnut spot in town, and One Paseo shopping center.

This morning, I had some bloodwork done (they took 14 vials!), so I needed that quarter of a Susie’s Blueberry Pancake doughnut (a collabo with my favorite cupcake spot in LA, Susiecakes). And both planters from Pigment at One Paseo. Get off me.

Is it sad that I’ve been to 3 of these places (and one of them is my own bed?)???

After The Great Fridge Fiasco of 2022, the replacement fridge I received was even smaller than my original one and only came with this tiny ass ice tray.

Pammie gifted me this nugget ice maker on christmas and it’s been a game changer, y’all!

Every morning, I’ve been treating myself to an espresso martini. I just pour this pre-mixed cocktail over freshly made ice (follow me for more recipes lol).

Yes, I know that martinis aren’t usually served on the rocks. Or in a whiskey tumbler. Or at 9am. Just let a bitch live. 

Jingle Juice

3 oz merlot
¾ oz fireball whisky
1 oz orange juice
1 oz pomegranate syrup
6 pineapple tidbits
1 lime (squeeze and drop)
1 orange slice
1 cinnamon stick (for garnish)

Belated birthday post for this supreme slice! We celebrated Chel’s birthday with a backyard pizza party. Are these ovens allowed on apartment balconies in LA??? Asking for a friend.

Cheers to a much needed mini vacay with Pammie and Donna! The last time we vacationed together was three years ago in Kauai, so this trip was long overdue!

On Friday night, we missed our Nobu rooftop res because it took us 45 minutes to be driven 2 miles. Downtown Chicago traffic is no joke, especially during Lollapalooza weekend.

We ended up at Booze Box, a secret bar in the basement of a sushi restaurant. Right when we walked in, this japanese lady pulled open a side gate and led us down some sketchy ass stairwell into the coolest little dive bar ever. The music, drinks and late night maki def hit the spot.

I couldn’t go to Chicago without going on a river boat tour à la My Best Friend’s Wedding (that scene gets me every. damn. time.). While there was no slow dancing or tearful realizations, I honestly was so impressed by the beautiful architecture. The only other time I visited Chicago was over a decade ago for a weekend in the dead of winter. All I remember was that it was St. Paddy’s Day and they dyed the river green. It was too cold to really do anything back then. Even though it rained the day before I arrived this time, the weather was absolute perfection.

Coffee and vodka? Yes, please (@ Starbucks Reserve Roastery)

Later that day…

Donna: Why is my heart racing???
Me: Maybe it was that flight of espresso martinis you downed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m that friend who only orders california rolls at sushi restaurants.

While Pammie and Donna enjoyed the (mostly raw) tasting menu at Nobu, I feasted on this glorious 28-day dry-aged prime ribeye.

If my A5 wagyu isn’t prepared this dramatically, I don’t want it.

The best thing I ate at Nobu (and possibly my entire life) was this whisky cappuccino dessert. Holy shit, you guys. Once that whisky foam hit my lips, I left my body, floated up to heaven, saw my grandparents, came back down, and finished off the remaining layers of espresso gelato, toasted cinnamon crunch and cardamom cream. Their recipe is posted online, but why go through all that trouble when you could just take me to the Nobu in Malibu??? 😏

Since we all binge-watched The Bear, we wanted to try an authentic italian beef sandwich. One of our uber drivers, Kendrick, told us that the best one was at Clark Street Dog. We could kill two birds with one stone and get a chicago dog there, too. He warned us not to ask for ketchup, as if he knew about that one time I asked for it at a steakhouse and was shamed by my entire table. As he drove us around, he also pointed out where people had been recently shot and what areas to avoid walking at night unless we wanted to get popped! So full of useful information, this guy…

We ordered our food and headed over to the attached bar for picklebacks, mules, and quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth – Jeppson’s Malört. According to our bartender, Evan, it’s a Chicago tradition for out-of-towners to take a shot of what can be accurately described as “rotten grapefruit with the lingering after taste of a tire fire” (among other things). He also suggested we hit up the nearby L&L Tavern where Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy used to troll for victims. Who doesn’t love a good murder bar??? I’ll have to come back when I’m not stuffed with italian beef.

We woke up at the butt crack of dawn to stand in line for an hour before this restaurant opened (sorry for anything I said before I got some cold brew in me 😅). Kasama is the only michelin-starred filipino restaurant in the world, and respect had to be paid.

This trip couldn’t have come at a better time. I got to celebrate an unexpected promotion at work and have a little fun before conference season starts up this week and I’m blacked out for the next couple of months. Excuse me while I cry into my empty Garrett Popcorn tin…

Smoked wing night (@ Maple Block Meat Co.)

Excited to get some italian beef in me next weekend. Any other Chicago recs besides an underground donut tour? 😂

The day I eat a floor burrito is the day I give up on life.

My sister’s husband is convinced that I secretly have a poster of Joey Chestnut in my apartment, and I can’t confirm or deny that.

Red, white and blue (cheese) – I was that asshole at three different grocery stores looking for that slice of heaven that is humboldt fog in the artisanal cheese aisle to complete my board.

Views and ‘cue – two of my favorite things. This private rooftop is a dream.

Not pictured: me almost lighting my hair on fire after some lunatic let me be in charge of the short ribs

Listen, sometimes you have to choose between buying a box of costco king crab legs or paying your rent. Luckily, Pammie bought these babies and afforded me another month in my studio. Ha.

Is it even a party if you don’t stock your wine fridge with white claw???

Alicia got me this icee machine for my birthday a few years ago, and I don’t know why I waited so long to bust it out (besides diabetes and the lack of counter space). I’m pretty sure Shi and I had more icees than the kids did!

Christine came through with the Crumbl cookies!

Added bonus: The rooftop has a clear view of the fireworks from the olympic training center.

I hope everyone’s 4th was as lit as the illegal fireworks we bought on the side of the road!

Thanks to Pammie for hosting the best party ever at her new digs! Same time next year???

Friyay latte (@ Urth Caffe)

Fuck, can I get pregnant from this??? 😳

APL is doing BBQ pop-ups all summer at Strand Brewing Co, and I am here for it.

What time should I be ready? 😜

The only restaurant I’ve been to on this list is Guelaguetza, and I can confirm that you can still hear me over the mariachi band.

I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to drive down to SD so that my beautiful mom could serve me breakfast at a pancake fundraiser. That’s love. Hope everyone had a nice mother’s day!

I doordashed dinner tonight and just received someone else’s order (a hazard of contactless delivery). Even though I was hangry as hell, I think we can all agree that the real victim here is Kathleen M., who ordered 8 scoops of ice cream from Handel’s and received my salad and brussels sprouts from Tin Roof Bistro instead 🤣

Cheers! (@ Callie)

Who needs a husband when your bestie Jessie’s husband sends a bottle of champagne to your table during your girls night out and picks you up a 4-pack of sours on his beer run because it has your name in it??? Not this thirsty bitch! Ha.

BRB crying into my bangin’ breakfast sadwich (I’ll see myself out).

Best birthday dinner ever (@ Born & Raised)

Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast (@ République)

Celebrated Chel’s birthday with the girls (@ Pop Pie Co.)

After Pammie shared her big news that she bought a new house over the weekend, Shi revealed that her only update was that she got a tooth extracted and was going through a mortgage refi—that’s two more things than I got going on! Ha.

Smoked short ribs + doughnuts: a love story.

Dining at Majordōmo Meat & Fish was a religious experience. Can all of my meals be prepared tableside???

Much needed social hour and frosé with my faves (@ Pacific Social)

I feel seen.

Just Luna Grill notifying me that I have half a year left in my thirties (and offering some free baklava as consolation).

Is it too late to start dieting for my Hawaii trip in 2 weeks???

Recipes: Baked chicken breast cobb salad with ranch dressing // Avocado sweet potato toast // Chicken salad lettuce cups with avocado oil mayo // Air fryer brussels sprouts

I enjoy long walks to any burrito (@ Redondo Beach)

When your friends have kids but still like to party 🥳

Pacific coolers are the new pickleback!