I was sitting in the In-N-Out drive-thru line with Pammie, and this particular line starts as two lines and funnels into one line to maximize space in the small parking lot. This car next to us tried to cut us off when it was our turn to funnel, and my sister was like, “Fucking bitch! She didn’t scissor!” I was like, “Scissor?! Do you mean ‘zipper’???” We couldn’t stop laughing 🤣
It was after 9pm last Friday, so I was already in bed LOL and I could see fireworks going off from my bedroom window, probably from a nearby high school football game. I get up to tell Pammie, and she thought it was gunshots! I was like, “Where do you think you live???” She and her husband lived in the OC for 15 years before moving back SD. My sister’s husband is probably the most hood person I know, and he was born and raised in eastside! You would think they’d be comfortable amongst their people down here, but they got used living in predominantly white neighborhoods with no crime 😅
Tonight, there was an actual shooting at the brewery across the street, and the suspects are still at large. Maybe LA has made me indifferent to this shit, but I’m not concerned. I remember we were at a bar in Chicago, and the bartender had to tell this crazy customer to leave and Donna and I were just completely unbothered, drinking our cocktails while sober Pammie over here was freaking out. I’m just used to being around crazy people ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I don’t got nobody, just with you right now
Tell the truth, I look better under you
I can’t lose when I’m with you
How can I snooze and miss the moment?
You just too important
Nobody do body like you do
When we were buying food tickets at Oktoberfest, Jessie was like, “Do you have a dollar?” I was like, “Yeah, probably.” I pull out my tiny Ikea bag that I keep my money in, and I only have hundred dollar bills in there. Earlier that day, I saw a few dollar bills in the abyss between my seat and the center console in my car, so I reached in there and pulled out 3 hundred dollar bills! Pammie was like, “What the fuck! You didn’t even notice you were missing $300?!?” I don’t know what to tell you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The guy selling food tickets was watching the whole exchange between me and Jess and was like, “Oh, my bad. I only carry hundos unlike you peasants.” 🤣
On our flight home from Hawaii once, I accidentally tucked the back of my dress into my chonies after using the airplane bathroom, and when I walked back to my seat, Shi untucked my dress and was like, “We can see your underwear!” and I was like, “It’s a bathing suit bottom!” Fifteen years later, they won’t let me forget it.
Also, I never know where we parked the car or where anything is since I never put things back in their place. My sister’s husband is always like, “How were you two raised in the same household???” 😅
If you didn’t already know, I love Halloween and the fair (you should be writing this down). If I ever get engaged or was the kind of person who would get engagement photos taken (I’m not), it would totally be at a carnival.
Also, my first concert ever was Gladys Knight at the Del Mar Fair 🤣
When my sister ordered this Harry Potter doormat, I was like, “This home is four stories with a private rooftop and elevator. It is much.” I finally convinced her to put it outside (she had it on the inside of the door because she didn’t want anyone to steal it LOL). I was like, “Ain’t nobody gonna steal this shit!” 🤣
They didn’t get any trick or treaters last year, but I might put out a bowl of candy for the Amazon delivery guys.
All Chel wanted for her birthday was to paint some pumpkins, sip some cocktails and slurp some ramen (and a sexy chef to make us dinner, but I couldn’t provide that).
I refilled the punch-a-bunch for Darien and the twins who also coincidentally love Halloween, BBQ and being naked.
I accidentally dropped my still-wet pumpkin towards the end of the night, so not only did I ruin Chel’s warm palette vibe, I also ruined her patio table and area rug underneath it with neon green paint! She says she was getting rid of the table and rug anyway 😅
I made some pumpkin spice snack mix for Chel’s birthday party this weekend, and my sister’s husband says it tastes better than my furikake chex mix! He’ll be selling it at the Otay Ranch Farmers’ Market on Tuesdays 😂
We’re having a paint and sip night for Chel’s birthday this weekend, and my Beetlejuice pumpkins don’t really fit Chel’s warm palette vibe 😅
Is this like when Lindsay Lohan didn’t know that Halloween was the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and was the only one who showed up at that party in a scary costume in Mean Girls? 🤣 Am I about to DJ Lo & Behold this party???
Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate children (tell that to my stank face whenever I hear a baby crying on a plane or when a baby is crying while I’m eating at a restaurant or when a baby is crying when I’m trying to do anything, really. Like, why are they always crying? And why are their little hands always so sticky???). I’m so excited for baby boy Cuevas that I bought this cute onesie for him! I also may or may not have named Jessie and Abe’s baby over some radlers at Oktoberfest, so we’re obviously gonna be besties.
After I razzed Jess and named their baby, Abe said I was firing on all cylinders that night 😆 Pew pew!
I love that they used their iconic matching denim outfits photo from 2001 for this article. I’m the last person who would ever judge Britney Spears for having an abortion, but I will judge her for dancing with knives and putting their business out there two decades after the fact. She obviously needs help.
According to one of my married friends (I won’t say which one in case she or her husband ever read this), you only have to go down on your man on holidays. Like, do you observe all holidays? Or only the federal ones when the banks are closed??? I just want to manage expectations if I ever get married 😅
What better day to carve pumpkins than Friday the 13th? 🎃
I’m the ghost with the most, babe 🖤
What, you don’t like Beetlejuice??? It’s OK, the flame will keep me warm at night. JK there’s a fake candle in there. You almost burn down your apartment once (OK, twice) and people don’t let you forget it. Alicia gave me a Dole Whip Candle from Disneyland and I was like, “I’m not allowed to have an open flame.” 😅
Thanks to Jessie for helping me carve my pumpkin. AKA she carved most of it while I ate s’mores and watched 😂 It was her first time carving a pumpkin, and she loved it! She was like, “Did I just learn a new trade???”
Jessie fell to the ground laughing after Christine asked if we were carving Albert Einstein 🤣 It was like when we were watching America Says and the board was “Famous Mustaches” and one of the answers was Groucho Marx and Pammie was like, “Who the hell is Groucho Marx? Richard Marx‘s brother???” LMAO she was serious! I was eating and spit my food everywhere!
I ordered these boots online and I could zip them up all the way, but they were a little snug, so I wore them around the house to stretch them out a bit.
My sister’s husband saw me washing dishes looking like a crazy person in my swim shorts and a baby tee wearing my new boots and knee high socks, and he was like, “Why do you look like Woody from Toy Story?” 🤣
Update: I just realized I ordered the “narrow calf” boots LOL. No wonder they’re so snug! I put them on, and I asked Pammie, “Does it look like I’m baking bread in my shoe?” And she was like, “No! Why, are they tight? The leather will stretch as you wear it,” at the same time I was like, “I just have to lose a little weight in my legs.” 😅
I’m gonna try and exchange them for the regular width calf, even though I already wore them to Oktoberfest, spilled beer on them, and accidentally stepped on my sister’s toes and made her bleed so I probably have to wash her blood off the soles 😬
I used to go to the Popeye’s near my apartment, and I didn’t think I went there too frequently (maybe once or twice a month), but I’d always order the same thing—a popcorn shrimp combo. One day, I was standing in line minding my own business, and the dude who always helps me sees me standing there and shouts over the people ahead of me, “Popcorn shrimp combo???” Embarrassing! 😳 Like, first of all, lower your voice, and second of all, yes, of course I’d like a popcorn shrimp combo 🤣
I was getting my hair cut in Manhattan Beach, and the new receptionist and I were trying to figure out where we knew each other from, and she was like, “I used to work at Popeye’s! Is that where I’ve seen you???” I guess I went there more frequently than I thought 😅
Another time, I ordered Thai from a nearby restaurant and went to pick it up at the wrong place. They were like, “Are you sure you ordered from here???” and I checked my online order again, and I was, in fact, at the wrong restaurant. I haven’t been back there since. I already can’t go to this other Thai restaurant near my apartment, because the last time I ate there, they tried to kill me 😅 My pad thai was extra spicy (I asked for 5/10 heat and it was more like a gazillion/10). I had to keep asking for more water during my meal and the waiters seemed to enjoy my pain.
This is why I pay extra to doordash and do contactless delivery… partly so I can suffer in the comfort of my own home, but mostly because I don’t have to put a bra on to get my food 😅
Good thing there’s hella Starbucks nearby because now I have to try this apple croissant.
Update 10/7/2023: My sister made the mistake of asking me what I wanted for lunch, and I was like, “TACO BELL!” When we went through the drive-thru, the guy told us the shredded chicken rolled tacos were limited edition only and they no longer have them *cries in Spanish*
I was gifted an air fryer by someone who replaced theirs with one of those 3-in-1 kitchen appliances that’s a microwave, air fryer and convection oven in one. I air fried these chicken wings for lunch and they were sooo good and crispy. Who needs Buffalo Wild Wings??? Or as Jay calls them, BBW 🤣