Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate!

I make gift bags for my friends every holiday—it’s my love language (yes, BBQ is also my love language… your girl’s hella lingual). I always include stuff for their husbands because I get along swimmingly with all of them 😊 I always pack extra Nerds Gummy Clusters for Jessie’s husband because it’s his favorite candy. She knows that, so I think she ate them on purpose 😜

• Lost Farm Strawberry Pink Jesus Live Resin Fruit Chews – partly because He is risen, but mostly because Easter falls on 420 😜
• Sugarfina Easter Bunny Tails
• Sour Punch Easter Straws
• Nerds Gummy Clusters Easter Variety Mix
• Haribo Easter Spring Mix Egg Hunt
• Sour Patch Kids Easter Bunnies Theater Box
• Starburst Easter Original Fun Size
• See’s Candies Scotchmallow Eggs
• Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs
• Reese’s Pieces Peanut Butter Easter Candy Gift Bag
• Twix Easter Minis
• Snickers Minis Milk Chocolate Easter Candy Bars
• Kit Kat Miniatures Milk Chocolate Wafer Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Cookies ‘N’ Crème Polka Dot Eggs Easter Candy

You guys, I’m not mad at this bunny filter. Hoppy Easter, y’all! 🐰

Doordashed corned beef hash for St. Paddy’s Day (@ Snax)

Am I doing it right?

It’s Filipino tradition to consume 13 round fruits on New Year’s for prosperity.

Christine also told me that it’s Filipino superstition that if I go to bed with my hair still wet from taking a shower, I’ll go blind LMAO, so IDK what to believe 🤣

I made some P.F. Chang’s copycat chicken lettuce wraps in case this party wasn’t Asian enough.

At our last holiday party, my 18-year-old cousin’s boyfriend was excited to see what desserts I made. He told my cousin, ‘She’s the one who made the cinnamon rolls at the last party!’ and she was like, ‘How do you even know that?!’ I’m hoping to start another fight with these Golden Grahams s’mores bars 😆

One of my earliest memories is of my grandma making mochi on NYE. It’s an Asian tradition that’s supposed to bring good luck for the year to come. I made some this year in her memory ♥️

I found out that the party I’m going to tonight doesn’t start till 8pm! Last year, I celebrated NYE east coast time and was in bed by 9:30pm.

Actual footage of me, my sister and her husband @ 9pm PST:

(via @ilovebobah)

I remember one NYE, I was throwing up well after midnight into the morning at my friend’s house after drinking too much whiskey and I thought I was gonna die. I used to be fun 😅

Happy New Year from this old broad 👵🏻

My family understood the assignment 🎁

My family always asks me to make an invitation whenever we have a party. Have you guys ever heard of that free service called Evite? 😆

Spoiler alert: I’m the fun aunt.

The loudest, most intense game of LCR I’ve ever played. If your family doesn’t gamble at holiday parties, are you even Asian???

$60 and several loud environment sound alerts later, that’s a wrap on Christmas ✌🏻

When I do go to church (CEO status – Christmas and Easter only), I go with my family to Bonita Valley Community Church. It’s a lot more entertaining and livelier than the catholic churches I went to as a kid. I’ve seen a rotation of singers throughout the years, but there’s an older man who’s been there since we started going. He has a beautiful voice and plays the guitar also. I noticed he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, and I leaned over to my sister and was like, ‘He’s not married. Do you think he’s gay?’ Then I was like, ‘Is that what people wonder about me when they find out I’m in my 40s and not married???’ And Pammie was like, ‘I don’t think anyone has ever mistaken you as gay.’

Anyway, Merry Christmas from this strictly dickly old broad 👵🏻

• TOPS Malibu New Year Wish Sparkler
• Lost Farm Cherry Lime Chews
• Sugarfina Mistletoe Kisses
• Chuao Chocolatier Snuggle Up S’mores Mini Bars
• See’s Candies Scotchmallow Trees
• Christmas Hot Chocolate Drink Bombs
• Reese’s Christmas Chocolate Peanut Butter Trees
• Christmas Rudolph Trail Mix
• Kit Kat Christmas Milk Chocolate Wafer Candy Miniatures
• Hershey’s Kisses Christmas Milk Chocolate
• Christmas Milk Chocolate Stocking Stuffer
• Hershey’s Kisses Christmas Grinch Milk Chocolate
• Skittles Littles Stocking Stuffer
• Pelon Pelo Rico

My work bestie’s mom is Mexican, and they taught me how to make tamales for the holidays 🥰

Her dog was wearing an Ohtani Dodgers jersey. I’ll allow it, partly because her dad is Japanese, but mostly because Kona gave me all the cuddles.

Thank you, Ohtomos! I had such a great time.

When your sister’s birthday is the week before Christmas and she’s a Potterhead ⚡

(@ LA Kings Holiday Ice at L.A. LIVE)

Who needs a Christmas tree when you can just throw some fairy lights on a fiddle leaf fig bush?

You know you live in LA when free parking is a gift 🎁

Here for the sides ✌🏻

They call me ‘Salami Mami’ (JK, no one calls me that LOL).

My friend told me once that giving birth to her kids ruined her tits and her nipple to breast ratio. I was like, ‘Are they like a pepperoni on an english muffin?’ and she was like, ‘More like a salami on a Ritz cracker!’ 😅 So now I can’t make a charcuterie board without thinking about her big ass salami nipples 🤣

I love Rice Krispie Treats. I used to pick up a Marshmallow Dream Bar whenever I’d go to Starbucks and wash it down with a venti Pink Drink. Nowadays, Nori makes me get an unsweetened iced green tea from Starbucks after splitting a donut from Randy’s. What has become of my life???

Anyway, I thought I’d indulge a little for the holidays with these Fall Leaves Rice Krispie Treats 🍁

Pumpkin pie hack: I got a big ass pumpkin pie from Costco, used a biscuit cutter to cut out individual servings, and topped them with whipped cream and a sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice. Adorable!

My sister’s husband braved Costco, and I instacarted everything else I needed.

Whether it’s Thanksgiving, Grandma’s birthday, or a Thursday, I always make Furikake Chex Mix.

I will always pick a regular potato over a sweet potato, except when it’s baked into a casserole with candied pecans and covered with marshmallows.

My cousin’s wife’s name is ‘Kass,’ and she says it’s short for ‘Kassandra,’ but he tells people it’s short for ‘Casserole’ 🤣

Did they not have PF Chang’s chicken lettuce wraps at the first Thanksgiving in Plymouth, Mass?

If your family doesn’t gamble at holiday parties, are you even Asian???

I followed this recipe and it smells like Christmas up in this bitch 🎄

Nori and I were sitting outside Starbucks, and I was looking at the bank next door, and I was like, ‘How come nobody’s in there? Are they closed?’ This went on for a few minutes until I saw this big ass sign on the door that they were closed today for Columbus Day.

me: I thought Columbus Day was canceled?
Nori: It’s been replaced by another day. In… Indi… Indonesian…
me: Indigenous???
Nori: This better not make your blog!

I have trouble pronouncing some words after the stroke (vegetable and adhesive, among others LOL), but I can say ‘indigenous’ 🤣🤣🤣

Good Thing (@ Kia Forum)

I have made the decision not to answer your calls
‘Cause I put everything out there and I got nothing at all

Another time, we were talking about both of us having seen Sam Smith live before, and we realized we went to the same show in LA before we knew each other. We were trying to remember who opened for him, and she was like, ‘That guy who sings that one song… Idaho?’ and then I remembered, ‘BUDAPEST! George Ezra.’

IDK how I got ‘Budapest’ from ‘Idaho’ but I got there 😅

Anyway, according to this article, Wal-Mart and Chick-Fil-A are both open today LOL.

Patrick Bertoletti won the mustard belt, but only because Joey Chestnut was banned from competing in Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest this year.

I stand behind Joey 😆

Views and ‘cue ✌🏻

You can’t spell ‘sausage’ without ‘USA’ 🇺🇸

FYI I prefer white wine if I’m drinking it by itself, but I’ll drink red or white if it’s in sangria. Also, I’m strictly dickly 😅

Strawberry Lemonade White Sangria (from thegirlinspired)

• 2 – 750 ml bottles of sauvignon blanc
• 1 liter club soda
• 6 ounces frozen pink lemonade concentrate (½ can)
• ½ cup simple syrup (1:1 ratio sugar/water)
• 1 lemon washed and sliced for garnish
• 2 cups fresh strawberries sliced
• 1 pint fresh raspberries gently rinsed

You a bad girl and your friends bad too
We got the swag sauce, she drippin’ swagu

I saw Beyoncé perform this song at Dodger Stadium and lasers came out of her eyes. It was almost as cool as what’s in these swag bags! 😜

• TOPS Malibu Single Wish Sparkler
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• Chuao Chocolatier Firecracker Dark Chocolate Mini Bar
• Dove Promises Dark Chocolate
• Dove Promises Milk Chocolate
• Sugarfina Sugar Lips
• Haribo Goldbears Minis
• Charms Blow Pops
• Ring Pops
• Airheads Xtremes Belts
• Sour Patch Kids
• Mike and Ike
• Pelon Pelo Rico
• Dulces Vero Pica Fresa
• Furikake Chex Mix

Happy 4th! 🇺🇸

My pops and I have exactly 3 things in common: our love for The Beatles, our nose, and our love for a good rooftop (@ Mister A’s)

Unlike my sister, who, when we visited the Philippines, my dad’s sister told her, ‘You look exactly like your dad… from all angles.’ 🤣

Happy Father’s Day to all who celebrate!

I sent Alicia this Christmas card one year, then accidentally sent her the same card the next year:

I found a box of this same card on eBay, and I’ve been sending her this card every year for the past decade 😆

Christine’s kids got me the sweetest card and flowers for Mother’s Day 🥰 I may not be their mom, but I’m the fun aunt who makes them pizza cupcakes 😜

When I asked Jessie what she wanted for her first Mother’s Day, she was like, ‘A hotel room. Alone. Just me.’ 😅

Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate! Hopefully you got to do everything you wanted today (even if it was nothing at all!).

• Lost Farm Strawberry Lemonade Gummies
• Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies Baked Snack Crackers
• Sugarfina Bunny Bark Milk Chocolate Bar
• Sour Punch Easter Straws
• Haribo Easter Happy Hoppers Gummy Candy
• Sour Patch Kids Easter Bunnies Theater Box
• Skittles Easter Original Candies Fun Size
• Starburst Easter Original Fun Size
• Peeps Easter Delights S’mores Chicks
• See’s Candies Scotchmallow Eggs
• Ghirardelli Easter Milk Chocolate Bunny
• Lindt Lindor Easter Assorted Chocolate Candy Truffle Eggs
• Lindt Easter Mini Chicks
• Dove Easter Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramel
• Dove Easter Caramel & Milk Chocolate Flowers
• Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs
• Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Creme Bunnies Easter Candy
• Reese’s Pieces Peanut Butter Easter Candy Gift Bag
• Twix Easter Minis
• Snickers Easter Eggs Caramel Chocolate Candy
• Snickers Minis Milk Chocolate Easter Candy Bars
• Rolo Chocolate Caramels Easter Candy
• Kit Kat Miniatures Milk Chocolate Wafer Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Mini Bunnies Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Eggs Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Kisses Milk Chocolate Easter Candy
• M&M’s Easter Milk Chocolate Minis MegaTube
• M&M’s Milk Chocolate Fun Size Easter Basket Stuffers

I don’t observe lent, but I’ll use any excuse to make goodie bags and use this bunny filter 🐰

Hoppy Easter, y’all!

• Lost Farm Watermelon Gelato Live Resin Fruit Chews
• See’s Candies Dark Mint Scotchmallows
• Jameson Irish Whiskey
• Girl Scout Thin Mints Cookies
• St. Patrick’s Day Chocolate Candy Variety Pack
• Andes Creme De Menthe Thins
• Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops
• Furikake Chex Mix

Who needs luck with all this charm? Just kidding (give me all the luck!).

Since I know Donna loves chocolate (so much so that she had ‘HERSHEY’ emblazoned on the back of her dance sweater in middle school, while my sister had ‘BABY LONELINESS’ LOL. I wasn’t in dance—I was still traumatized from the time I played the glow-worm in our class production of James and the Giant Peach in the second grade and had to wear a turquoise leotard in front of the whole school and pretend light was coming out of my butt), and I’m seeing her next weekend (she’s meeting us in Nashville), I made a St. Patrick’s Day goodie bag for her 💚

• TOPS Malibu A Sparkling Toast Wish Sparkler
• The Bruery “Goses are Red” Beer
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• Favorite Day Valentine’s Hot Cocoa Spoons
• Compartes California Love Pretzel Dark Chocolate Bar
• Ghirardelli Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Hearts
• Lindt Lindor Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Truffles
• Godiva Dark Chocolate Hearts Bar
• Dove Valentine’s Dark Chocolate Hearts
• Dove Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Hearts
• Reese’s Valentine’s Day Peanut Butter Hearts
• Twix Valentine’s Minis
• Kit Kat Valentine’s Day Milk Chocolate Wafers
• Rolo Valentine’s Day Chocolate Caramels
• Hershey’s Valentine’s Day Kisses
• Hershey’s Valentine’s Day Hugs & Kisses
• Hershey’s Valentine’s Day Milk Chocolate
• M&M’s Valentine’s Milk Chocolate
• Sour Punch Valentine’s Cupid Straws
• Haribo Valentine’s Goldbears Gummi Candy
• Starburst FaveREDs Fruit Chews
• Charms Valentine’s Pops
• Skittles Valentine’s Exchange Kit
• Skittles Valentine’s Wild Berry Exchange Kit
• Pelon Pelo Rico

My sister’s husband heard me huffing and puffing up their stairs and he’s like, “What you got there?” and I was like, “Target delivery. I bought all this candy for Valentine’s Day.” And he’s like, “You making gift bags? You’re such a good friend doing this every holiday, but I’ve never seen someone send you a gift bag!” I’m not the kind of person who gives expecting something in return ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Giving is my love language, y’all ❤️💕 Well, BBQ is also my love language (I’m hella lingual).

Valentine’s Day may be a made up holiday, but these goodies are very real 😋

I also made these matching “On Godric” shirts for my sister and her husband. I’m not hood or a Potterhead (so I’ve never said, “on God,” and def have never said, “on Godric” LOL) and IDK what the fuck this dude is saying, but Pammie and D like him 😆

Everyone knows I love miniature things, so for Christmas my dad’s sister sent me The World’s Smallest Battleship, Jenga and Lava Lamp. I’m also clumsy as fuck, so I dropped them all on my way to my room. Pammie was like, “Did you pick everything up? You don’t want to accidentally step on a tiny battleship!” And guess what I stepped on barefoot today??? I was like, “WHAT THE FUCK!” and I looked down and there it was… the world’s smallest battleship.

Oh, it’s personal.

Last bake of 2023 ✌🏼 I hate actual ginger, but I love gingerbread anything. I’ve been known to eat a whole sleeve of ginger snaps in bed. If there were any gingerbread crinkle cookies left, I would’ve taken them to bed with me.

My relatives requested that I make my copycat lettuce wraps from P.F. Chang’s in case this party wasn’t Asian enough.

We left the party early because we were tired by 9:30. My aunt was like, “You’re going already? You’re leaving the lettuce wraps, right?” 😆

I’m not gonna make it to midnight, guys. Happy new year from this old broad 👵🏻

I think miniature versions of things are the cutest, so I made these adorable mini chicken and waffles. I just bought some Eggo Minis, a tray of Chick-Fil-A Nuggets, these cocktail picks, and served it with some quality maple syrup. So cute!

My chocolate bread pudding fixes things in the universe.

My charcuterie boards always have a theme 🎄

I made my banana nut bread last Thanksgiving and was asked multiple times where I bought it! Now I have to make it for every family party.

Is it even an Asian party if you don’t play games for money??? I learned that my cousin’s husband moves really slow after eating edibles and I suck at flip cup when I’m completely sober 😅

I was too busy taking pictures of my food to take any pictures of myself, but I wore this cute ass Christmas light strand sequin sweater dress that was festive as fuck 🎄

I’m officially off of work till New Year’s, so I’ll just be here till then ✌🏼

One Christmas, my aunt texted the whole family and was like, “If you’re married or over the age of 25, you will not be getting a gift this year.” I was like, “So not only am I old and single, I also won’t be getting presents this Christmas???” 🤣 My mom’s sisters and grandma used to give all the kids gifts and with all the kids having their own kids, it was getting to be a lot.

I usually don’t give gifts to all my cousins and their kids (there’s over 20 of those little fuckers!), but with my health scare this year, and all the love and support I’ve received, I thought why not???

I hardly use my cricut the rest of the year, but I bust that shit out for Christmas.

It was already a bitch to weed out all the letters before the strokes, but it was even tougher after. The strokes made my hands weaker and shakier, so it took me longer than necessary to weed all the letters. I also need more help opening jars. I used to have beautiful penmanship, but now I try to print everything I can on my computer. I only write my rent checks and sign restaurant receipts 😅 I also used to have a nice singing voice (I was in advanced choir in high school—I have the sequin dresses and nude character shoes to prove it), but after the strokes, I kinda sound like Marge Simpson 😅 I was telling the girls this story about this Manhattan Beach woman who had Alzeimer’s that I used to see missing flyers for. She went to LACMA with her husband, used the bathroom and then wandered off. I was like, “And years later, they found her BONES!” and Shi was like, “Your voice makes your stories sound 100x scarier!” 😅

That’s a wrap on 2023!

My sister had a real Christmas tree last year, but didn’t want to deal with vacuuming all the needles and having to trash it afterwards again, so she got this artificial one.

She and her husband love the real tree smell, though, so I got some fraser fir fragrance oil for my scent diffuser, and now it smells like Christmas up in this bitch.

FYI if you didn’t already know, my sister is a Potterhead.

• TOPS Malibu New Year Wish Sparkler
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• WhistlePig Whiskey
• Baileys Hot Chocolate
• Sur La Table Gingerbread House Mug Topper
• Escuminac Extra Rare Canadian Maple Syrup
• Sugarfina Mistletoe Kisses
• See’s Scotchmallow Tree
• See’s Caramel Apple Lollypops
• Chili Chews Strawberry Bites
• M&M’s Holiday Milk Chocolate
• Pop Rocks
• Pelon Pelo Rico
• Dulces Vero Pica Fresa
• Furikake Chex Mix

Get you a friend who gives holiday swag bags (It’s me. I’m the friend.) ❤️💚

My sister is in Vegas again, so I’m at my parents’ house cuddling with this good boi and I’ve already burned 2 bags of popcorn in the microwave. Feels like the holidays.

BRB making spirits bright around here 🎄

What, you don’t like Irish whiskey and a massive amount of mini marshmallows in your hocho? Or do you not call hot chocolate ‘hocho’??? 😆

Only 30 more days till Christmas!

Spoiler alert, I’m the fun aunt 💰🎄🎅🏻✨

It’s leg day, y’all! 🍗

I had to get this tiny cornucopia, partly because it’s Thanksgiving, but mostly because it reminded me of The Hunger Games.

My mom’s deep fryer decided to stop working after we already dry rubbed four cornish game hens, so my uncle just deep fried them on the stove in a big ass pot of peanut oil. They turned out great! They were so small, they looked like baby birds, but I was assured these weren’t babies LOL. One time, I was watching an episode of Chopped, and one of the secret basket ingredients was a suckling goat and I burst into tears and changed the channel when I saw it. As a rule, I don’t eat any baby animals. Only fully grown animals that have had a good life 😆

Update 11/24/2023: Pammie told me that cornish game hens are slaughtered when they reach 4 WEEKS of age, so I won’t be eating them anymore 😅

King crab legs were on sale for $199 for 10 pounds at Costco! I’ve seen it upwards of $400, so this was a steal. Plus, we were near the Costco Business Center, so we went to that one and there were no lines on a Saturday!

Pumpkin pie hack: I bought a big ass pumpkin pie from Costco, used a biscuit cutter to cut out individual servings, and topped them with whipped cream and a sprinkle of pumpkin pie spice. Adorable!

The Costco Business Center doesn’t have a bakery (or food court), so we went to the Grossmont Costco and it was CRAZY. There is a hell, and it’s the Costco in La Mesa the weekend before Thanksgiving.

My banana bread fixes things in the universe.

If your family doesn’t gamble at holiday parties, are you even Asian???

If you need me, I’ll be here ✌🏼

New York in December, anyone???

I’ve always wanted to make this Strawberry Pretzel Salad (“a favorite dessert at many white trash gatherings” according to this website). It’s now a favorite dessert at Asian gatherings, and I’ll def be making it again!

These S’mores Cookie Bars lets you have s’mores (my favorite) without the campfire.

I cut up some fresh fruit to confuse my body.

Pammie’s rooftop is my favorite place to watch fireworks. She has a perfect view of the Olympic Training Center.

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

I got hot sauce in my bag, swag

– Beyoncé, “Formation”

• TOPS Malibu Single Wish Sparkler
• TOPS Malibu Confetti POP!
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• Sugarfina Baby Whales
• Charms Blow Pops
• Kool-Aid Dippers
• Pelon Pelo Rico
• Dulces Vero Pica Fresa
• Tajín Clásico Chile Lime Seasoning Mini Bottle
• Pocket Sriracha Keychain
• Furikake Chex Mix
• American Flag Sunglasses
• 4th of July Bubble Wands

They’re like the goodie bags my friends give out at their kids’ birthday parties, only better (plus you don’t have to fight any kids for the Mexican candy after they hit it out of the piñata).

If you want more Furikake Chex Mix, you can find my sister’s husband at the Otay Ranch Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays. He says he’s gonna sell it there 🤣

Happy 4th! 🇺🇸

All my dad wanted for Father’s Day was a beer on a rooftop (@ Seneca)

The dole whip at the food and craft market below was a bonus. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!

You’re funnier since you had the strokes. I mean, you were always funny, but you’re funnier now.

– my mom to me after I razzed my pops

Maybe my migraines were hindering my funniness (I haven’t had a headache since the incident, and I used to take Excedrin every day!). Or maybe it’s just because I’m on anti-depressants now LOL.

I don’t know about funnier, but I’m definitely meaner. Or maybe I’ve always been mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, get you a mom who always laughs at your jokes.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate!

Hoppy Easter (@ Bonita Valley Community Church)

See’s is everywhere in LA, and I never understood how they stayed in business until I had a Dark Scotchmallow in my thirties.

I ordered some limited edition Dark Mint Scotchmallows from their website (they were sold out for St. Patty’s Day at my local See’s), and I allow myself half a piece a day LMAO.

(FYI, I also like Dark Salted Caramels and Toffee-ettes.)

If your mom isn’t swinging an ornament between her legs for money, is it even Christmas???

Escaping LA for the holidays be like…

Two things still warm this heart: freshly zambonied ice and chili dogs (@ LA Live / Pink’s)

…or my work sending out a departmental email letting us know that we’ll only be getting the day after christmas off instead of the entire week (like we have for the previous 7 years).

Excuse me while I open this box of fruit-by-the-foot I bought for my nephew and eat my feelings.

Who needs a christmas tree when you can just throw some lights on a fiddle leaf fig bush?

Jingle Juice

3 oz merlot
¾ oz fireball whisky
1 oz orange juice
1 oz pomegranate syrup
6 pineapple tidbits
1 lime (squeeze and drop)
1 orange slice
1 cinnamon stick (for garnish)

BBQ with a side of UV this past holiday weekend.

I escaped the LA heat for Pammie’s house where she keeps the thermostat at a cool 68°. Jessie came over and was like, “68?! I only do that in a hotel!”

Uhh, is this not a hotel??? My sister’s husband told me checkout is at noon 😆

My sister’s husband is convinced that I secretly have a poster of Joey Chestnut in my apartment, and I can’t confirm or deny that.

Red, white and blue (cheese) – I was that asshole at three different grocery stores looking for that slice of heaven that is humboldt fog in the artisanal cheese aisle to complete my board.

Views and ‘cue – two of my favorite things. This private rooftop is a dream.

Not pictured: me almost lighting my hair on fire after some lunatic let me be in charge of the short ribs

Listen, sometimes you have to choose between buying a box of costco king crab legs or paying your rent. Luckily, Pammie bought these babies and afforded me another month in my studio. Ha.

Is it even a party if you don’t stock your wine fridge with white claw???

Alicia got me this icee machine for my birthday a few years ago, and I don’t know why I waited so long to bust it out (besides diabetes and the lack of counter space). I’m pretty sure Shi and I had more icees than the kids did!

Christine came through with the Crumbl cookies!

Added bonus: The rooftop has a clear view of the fireworks from the olympic training center.

I hope everyone’s 4th was as lit as the illegal fireworks we bought on the side of the road!

Thanks to Pammie for hosting the best party ever at her new digs! Same time next year???

I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to drive down to SD so that my beautiful mom could serve me breakfast at a pancake fundraiser. That’s love. Hope everyone had a nice mother’s day!

Christmas is over, ya filthy animals.

It’s a good thing I didn’t have to leave our hotel room to see these fireworks, because I barely made it to midnight Hawaii time!

Happy new year from this old broad (@ Prince Waikiki)

Christmas (@ Crypto.com)

There is a hell and it’s DTLA during a lakers game the week of christmas.

Not pictured: The 500 people in line for ice skating and the $40 parking garage.

This Halloween, I deep cleaned my apartment and installed a new area rug. What has become of my life?

What, your neighbor’s halloween decor doesn’t include conjoined unicorns???

11/20: You guys, they’ve updated it for Thanksgiving.

Poolside mom-osas, anyone??? (@ Lakehouse Hotel and Golf Resort)

Hope everyone had a great mother’s day!

Thanks to all the moms out there (and to tiktok for teaching me the art of salami roses!). If this graphic design thing doesn’t work out, I think I’ll just make charcuterie boards for a living.

The only shells we cracked this Easter!

BRB eating my feelings.

Sweets for my sweets ❤️

That’s a wrap on 2020! Pammie upgraded me to the new Cricut Maker, so 90% of the gifts I gave were personalized (the other 10% was whatever I could amazon prime at the eleventh hour).

This is the first holiday I’ve spent without my crazy family, and I miss all their ugly faces. Hope everyone had a safe and merry christmas!

Oh, my filipino heart. Are you trying to kill me, Disney??? 😭

They got everything right about our culture, from the mano po to the parol to the sewing kit inside the danish butter cookie tin… Love, love, love this christmas ad and miss my lolas more than ever 💔

Double, double, seafood boil and trouble 🖤

Views and ‘cue on this 4th of July!

(via @heatherland_iaintdoinit)

I need you to be on this level if you’re going to watch the annual hot dog eating contest with me (I’m talking to you, Pamela Jean. Look alive!).

Is it even Easter if I don’t use the bunny filter when we facetime today???

That’s a wrap on 2019!

Let’s get blitzen, y’all…

“You smell like beef and cheese alcohol.”

Cuevas family gone wild!

This is what happens when you hide a $20 bill inside a roll of costco saran wrap and tell everyone there’s $100 in there LOL!

One hour and two broken nails later…

It wouldn’t be the holidays if my grandma didn’t lose $50 playing bingo and and curse like a sailor while doing so! Ha.

The holidays aren’t the same without you, bud 💔

…or me when my bff’s family was done going around the table saying what they were all thankful for, and her 6-year-old daughter says, “Now let’s say what we hate about each other.”

I find this kid equally amusing and terrifying.

If anyone needs me, I’ll just be out here waiting for this turkey to deep fry and my druncle to stop asking me why I’m not married yet.

One month till Christmas!

Unsolicited fact about me: This is how I start every 4th of July.

Even Rocky is bummed I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Someone please buy a house in this neighborhood so I can slang keurig cocoa in your driveway during the holidays (@ Christmas Card Lane)

The gold foil is extra, but so am I ✨

(Materials: Sugar Paper JOY Gift Wrap / Sugar Paper Decorative Ribbon / Mini Christmas Ornaments / iCraft Deco Gold Foil)

If your family doesn’t gamble at parties, are you even Asian?

I won $30 off these suckas during an intense game of LCR. I guess I’ll have to put that money towards a new Calphalon baking sheet!

Stage 5 clinger alert 🚨🚨🚨

This photo of Ray in the socks I gave him pretty much sums up the rest of my Christmas vacation (sorry for revealing your secret shame!)

I’ll have one… one of everything! (@ BJ’s Brewhouse)

Alicia and I drank our way through their holiday cocktail list. The blood orange pom fireball sangria tastes like Christmas in your mouth! It’s def going on the menu for any and all future holiday spreads.

I know so many people who are going through tough times right now (the death of a parent, the loss of their family home, and trouble conceiving, to name a few)… Besides LA traffic, my only other gripe is that I’ve been working long hours, and my postmates driver (that my work pays for) forgot to include utensils with my order last night, so I had to eat my calamari in my office with my bare hands like an animal. I feel like an asshole even mentioning it. All things considered, I have so much to be thankful for.

There is a hell and it’s the 405 during the holidays (and pretty much any other time of year).

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch (@ Redondo Beach)

Luckily, I already used the restroom before getting into the elevator at work this morning (@ SKX Advertising)

The 4th of July fell on bottomless beer and lobster night this year (@ Viejas)

What a time to be alive.

Sounds about right.

Actual footage of me waking up for work today after being on vacation for two weeks. Yikes!

My sister went to Christmas mass while I stayed home to avoid burning for my sins wrap presents at the eleventh hour! Ha.

That’s a wrap! 🎁

Christmas gift from my boss… I think she’s onto me.

I’ll be here all winter ✌🏻 (@ Pershing Square Holiday Ice Skating Rink)

Unsolicited fact about me: I can ice skate circles around you ⛸ (@ LA Live Holiday Ice)

#FBF to these three amigos in their Baja Ponchos 🇲🇽

I baked my mom a pie, but her love for strawberry rhubarb doesn’t run as deep as mine. Good thing we got her sold-out Adele tickets as a back-up!

The highlight of my weekend was seeing my mom jump up and down and scream like a fangirl when she opened her gift. A very close second would have to be getting carded at the casino. Apparently, I look like I’m under 18 (#stillgotit). I was with my parents and Pammie who was not carded. And highly offended.

Recipe from Smitten Kitchen.

Gingerbread ale and memory jars (@ Common Theory Public House)

I spent my holiday vacation back home in San Diego making memories with family and old friends.

Just after Christmas, my cousin and her family were involved in a devastating house fire that took the life of her daughter and everything they owned. It has been a difficult year for my family in general, and this tragedy solidified 2015 as the worst year ever! Hopefully 2016 is kinder to us all. A friend of the family set up a GoFundMe account if you would like to make a donation to help.

My dear friend, Jay, also lost his mom over the holidays, and I met up with him and friends I haven’t seen in forever at her memorial. I love seeing these guys, because no matter how much time has passed, we can all still pick up right where we left off. The highlight of my day was when Pammie and I walked into the chapel and Jay’s brother greeted us with arms wide open and a simple, “Bitches.” Classic Rome. Jay trying to give me dating advice was a very close second. The lowlight of my day had to be when my ex-boyfriend brought his fiancé and his parents to the memorial, and all I brought was my extra holiday weight. LOL. Just kidding. (I brought my sister, too.)

My resolution this year is to be better about staying in touch with family and friends. I have a tendency to close myself off, and I’m trying to work on that. You really never know when you’re going to lose your loved ones…

When you give your friend LA’s finest taco sweater, and she gives you Mexico’s best-selling taco book…

CRANBERRY BLISS COOKIES
Adapted from Gimme Some Oven

INGREDIENTS:

FOR THE COOKIES:
3 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup white chocolate chips
1 cup dried cranberries

FOR THE FROSTING:
1 (8 oz.) bar cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup white chocolate chips, melted in the microwave or double-boiler
2 tsp. orange extract
3 cups powdered sugar

FOR THE TOPPING:
1 cup dried cranberries, roughly chopped
1/4 cup white chocolate chips, melted in the microwave or double-boiler

DIRECTIONS:

TO MAKE THE COOKIES:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

In a separate bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda and salt until well-blended. Set aside.

Using an an electric mixer on medium-high speed, beat the butter and sugars together until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add vanilla and the eggs one at a time, beating in between to incorporate. Then reduce the speed to low, and slowly add in the dry ingredients. Increase the speed to medium, and continue beating until well-combined. Fold in the white chocolate chips and cranberries, and mix until just-combined. (Do not overmix.)

Cover and refrigerate dough for at least 1 hour. Then place dough by rounded tablespoon-fulls onto a baking sheet that has been prepared with parchment paper, at least 2.5-inches apart. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until the cookies are lightly golden around the edges. Remove pan, and transfer the cookies to a cooling rack until cool. Repeat with remaining dough until all cookies are baked. Wait until cookies reach room temperature before adding frosting and toppings.

TO MAKE THE FROSTING:

Using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat together the cream cheese and melted white chocolate until combined. (**Be sure that your cream cheese REALLY is at room temperature before adding the white chocolate. Otherwise the chocolate could seize up.) Add in the orange extract and mix until combined. Then reduce speed to low and add the powdered sugar. Mix until incorporated. Then use a rubber spatula to scrape down the sides of the bowl, and beat once more for 1 minute on medium speed until the frosting is smooth. You can add more powdered sugar for a thicker frosting.

Spread the frosting on the cooled cookies. Then immediately sprinkle the frosted cookies with the chopped dried cranberries. And use a fork to drizzle on the frosting, swishing it back and forth over the cookies.

For Friendsgiving this year, I made an oxtail ragu that would bring you to your knees. It took me five hours to cook, and I didn’t finish until three in the morning! It was worth it, but I’ll probably never make it again (just like the chocolate babka I made in 2012). I hope you enjoyed my tender meat, because that’s the last time you’re ever gonna eat it! Ha.

Bread pudding bound. Happy Thanksgiving, loves ♥

I’m here for the tamales (@ Hollywood Forever Cemetery)

Add a box of girl scout cookies and you’ve got my plans for this weekend.

Anthony had me create my own profile on his Netflix account so that my chick flick recommendations wouldn’t get mixed in with his chick flick recommendations, obvi.

If only Amazon Prime had this feature so I could stop getting his beard oil recommendations for a healthier, kissable beard.

You know you live in LA when free parking is a gift.

…or the only day Anthony gets to have his wood between my legs and his meat in my mouth! Not gonna lie, he smokes some damn good BBQ…

This is how my crazy family does christmas!

Sliding a cookie from your forehead to your mouth isn’t easy (I know it’s hard to believe since I made it look so effortless).

$5 richer and missing these clowns already ♥

Dulce de Leche Cheesecake Bars
Adapted from Brown Eyed Baker

Ingredients:

Crust:
1 1/2 cups finely ground graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup white sugar
6 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
1 can (13.6 oz.) dulce de leche (you can find this at Target or most grocery stores next to the condensed milk in the baking aisle)
2 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Glaze:
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 teaspoons light corn syrup
1 tbsp chocolate liqueur or heavy cream

Directions:

Make the crust. Position an oven rack in the middle position and preheat oven to 325F. Line the bottom and sides of an 8-inch square pan with parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on all sides. Spray parchment paper with non-stick spray.

Mix the graham crackers, sugar and butter. Press mixture evenly onto bottom of baking pan. Bake 10 minutes, then place on a cooling rack to cool for 5 minutes.

Make the filling. Spread the dulce de leche evenly over the graham crust, then place pan in refrigerator while you prepare the cream cheese layer.

Beat the cream cheese on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the sugar and continue to beat on medium-high for another 2 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl if necessary. Beat in the vanilla extract.

Pour the cream cheese mixture over the dulce de leche layer and spread evenly, and bake for 45-55 minutes, or until the center only slightly jiggles. Remove from the oven and cool completely-about 2 hours.

Glaze the cake. Heat the chocolate, butter, liqueur and light corn syrup in a double boiler or in a microwave at 30-second intervals, stirring until smooth. Cool for about 10 minutes. Pour the glaze over the cheesecake, tilting the pan to ensure the top is coated evenly. Chill for several hours-or at least 30 minutes before serving.

Lift the cheesecake from the pan using the parchment handles and slice into squares using a sharp knife, wiping it clean after each cut. Let the pan sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes before you lift the bars out and cut them. The chocolate glaze will crack if you cut them while they are still very cold.

• Our Thanksgiving dinner consisted of enough chinese food to feed a small village plus a turkey (which a chinese restaurant deep fried for us for $25). Ha. Is it weird that I’ve never had stuffing before?

• Bingo, bitches! Now I know where I get my competitiveness and foul mouth from… I’ve never heard my grandma curse so much in my life!

• The Debutante @ The Haven. Good beer and good pizza with good friends.

• I haven’t been home in a while, and Rocky clearly misses me! I found this cuddle bug in my old bed every night I was in town.

We had more dessert than actual food on Thanksgiving, and this chocolate croissant bread pudding I made tasted like a slice of heaven! I’m pretty sure I saw the face of Jesus while eating it. This will probably happen again for Christmas.

Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding
Adapted from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook

Ingredients
3 extra-large whole eggs
8 extra-large egg yolks
5 cups half-and-half
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
10 chocolate croissants (I used a box of 10 from the Vons bakery)

Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the whole eggs, egg yolks, half-and-half, sugar, and vanilla. Set the custard mixture aside.

Slice the croissants into 1-inch cubes. In a 10 by 15 by 2 1/2-inch oval baking dish, distribute the cubed croissants evenly. Pour the custard over the croissants and allow to soak for 10 minutes, pressing down gently.

Place the pan in a larger one filled with 1-inch of hot water. Cover the larger pan with aluminum foil, tenting the foil so it doesn’t touch the pudding. Cut a few holes in the foil to allow steam to escape. Bake for 45 minutes. Uncover and bake for 40 to 45 more minutes or until the pudding puffs up and the custard is set. Remove from the oven and cool slightly. Serve warm or at room temperature.

My Epicurious Thanksgiving Feast pinterest board won first place and an All-Clad Stainless Roasting Set just in time for the holidays!

Now if only I could figure out how to roast a turkey…

Not gonna lie, I peed a little when I saw Lorenzo at work today.

My future is as clear as the shots of vodka my grandmas were doing on Christmas.

The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping

Oh hey, I’m just blogging from my new Macbook Pro with retina display. No bigs!

I bought it with two credit cards and the promise of my firstborn, but I don’t have to use my old macbook held together by binder clips anymore, so I’m just going to focus on that.

I never thought I’d be shopping on Black Friday or eating Hot Dog on a Stick at two in the morning (or at any time really), yet there I was at Parkway Plaza with my sister and my preggo bestie doing both of those things…

Enjoy Bill Hader corpsing while I go party at an abandoned whitefish factory in Little Israel.

I wanted to have red puffy paint blood dripping from the easter eggs, but I thought the bloody zombie bunny was morbid enough for my favorite 8-year-old. Maybe next year.

Christ promised a resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something different in mind.

Half of my facebook friends announced their pregnancies today.

Way to steal my thunder, bitches.

St. Paddy’s Day doesn’t usually register as a blip on my radar, so I intended on having a low key movie night instead… which turned into beers with Shi and Anthony at Tiger! Tiger!… followed by house margaritas at my house… followed by me waking up on my bathroom floor (not pictured). So… just another Saturday.

I’d love to, but I already have plans to wear sweatpants and free up some space on my DVR tonight. Maybe some other time.

I picked the luckiest red envelope at work today! In other news, I’ve forgiven the white elephant gods for my booby prize.

It was my last NYE in my 20s, so I thought I would go out with a bang. Today, I woke up in Las Vegas sore as hell and $300 richer! Sadly, it wasn’t nearly as exciting as it sounds.

I was doing everything short of bending time and space to get these damn flans out of my supposedly nonstick brioche pans when my aunt turned to me and said, “It’s so hard being Martha Stewart, isn’t it?”

It really is.