» 2007 » September
Happily unmarried.
Thursday, September 27, 2007

divorce cakeAttention, unmarried people of America: You can splurge on a fancy new wrist watch without having to explain yourself. You can stay out till 3 a.m. without having to phone home. You can leave the toilet seat up. In fact, there are many, many ways that single life rocks, though you may forget that fact when your relatives are grilling you about settling down. Not only do you have the freedom to do anything you want—it’s also the best time in history to be flying solo. Want more specifics on why you should celebrate being single?

Reason #1: You have a better body. We’ve all been there—you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners,” says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’” In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.

Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve—whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills—and get out there and work it!

Reason #3: You do less housework. You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends—whatever makes you happy.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money—including keep it. Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change—and fast. According to a survey by SmartMoney magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles–based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.”

Reason #5: You have better sex. Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. “People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis. “Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles because that’s the nature of a courting relationship—they tease, they experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take over—most notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.

Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter. While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bedmate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two-to-a-bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest—seven to eight hours of sleep a night—than marrieds, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge.

Reason #7: You’re less depressed. Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterparts—if you’re a woman, that is.

Reason #8: You have better friendships. Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends—less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community—which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA. Here’s another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.”

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable. Marrieds take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like whitewater rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical—and personal—borders.

Reason #10: You know yourself—and what you want out of a relationship. You’re a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you want—and what you don’t.

And that’s a wonderful message: Your single self is great… and should you find the right person and decide to marry, you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.

(Via The Worm-Hole Laboratory)

Does Mayan have to slap a ho?
Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I hit a girl. We were in the pit waiting for the Killers to be up and I hit a girl. She was clearly wasted, pushing and punching her way through the mass of people in front of the stage. I heard this commotion of people yelling behind me as this girl started fighting her way to the front. She tried to get past my sister and began punching her from behind. This bitch. She tried to get in front of me next and was digging her elbows into my back, and that’s when the ghetto child who grew up on Deep Dell came out. I pushed her off me and smacked the bitch. I have never in my life hit someone. Well, hit someone and meant it. Sometimes I get excited and push you in all my excitement, but that’s different. I kind of surprised myself (and Pammie and Tin and Jay and Meehchelle). I’m a fucking sweetheart, but I can be a bitch on wheels when push comes to shove. Especially if you’re fucking with me when I’m about to watch the Killers!

ANYWAY. The rest of my weekend rocked! Street Scene was SUCH a disappointment last year because of the unexpected no-shows… But this year, MUSE headlined, and I cannot get over how AMAZING they were. Matthew Bellamy is a musical genius. Muse is the greatest band I’ve ever seen live, hands down. Even Pammie was in the pit with me, jumping up and down and pumping her fists to lyrics she hadn’t heard before! They were EPIC. You should really do yourself a favor by going to one of their shows if you ever get the chance. They’ll be headlining Vegoose with Rage Against the Machine at the end of October, so try and make it out there if you can. You won’t be disappointed!

Here’s Muse performing “Butterflies and Hurricanes” at the show…

The Killers really improved from the last time we saw them at Street Scene a couple years ago and shortly after in LA. I loved their music back then, but their live performance was a little boring. They were awesome this time around… Here they are performing “Jenny was a Friend of Mine”…

This was my first time seeing Gym Class Heroes without Trace! Sad times… Here’s GCH performing one of her favorites, “Viva la White Girl”…

Other mentionable artists I saw include the Arctic Monkeys, Panic! at the Disco, Pepper, Z Trip, T-Pain, T.I. and Too $hort (biiiiitch!). The $100+ two-day pass was worth Muse alone. I’m going to see Kate Earl at the Hotel Cafe in LA tomorrow night, so I’ll have more vids from her show up this weekend. Till then, check out the rest of my VIDEOS from Street Scene, Incubus and my best friend, Trace, rocking the recorder.

Alone together.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007

(In the words of one of my best girls…)

The stars and the moons have all aligned at this point in time and have made the unthinkable happen. It has been well over a decade since it last happened and a handful of guys that have brought us to this point. Chris, Dang, Duke, Edgar, Viet, Alvin, Dennis, Daniel, Jed, Anthony, Flex, Mark, and all the miscellaneous boys in between have brought us four to this very place…together.

We’ve been through it all. They love us but we don’t love them. We love them but they don’t love us. Engagements. First apartments. Break-ups for the wrong reasons. Break-ups for the right reasons. Multiple make-ups. Home wreckers. Friends into lovers. Lovers into friends. Lovers into enemies. Lovers we cut out completely. Under cover lovers. Wedding call offs. Returned bridesmaid dresses. College break-ups. Long distance relationships. Being in hopes. Finally letting go. Fighting to make things work.

We could write a book.

“We’re older and we’re not fuckin around anymore.”

I’m always thinking… in life…is it always black and white? Or is there that “grey” place where we can sit and hide from making definite decisions? To me…It either is or it isn’t. You either do or you don’t. That’s me. I wanted to finish college…I did it in 3 years and a quarter. I wanted my real estate license…I woke up, studied, took the state exam, and passed. I wanted to be a manager at my last branch…went to work early, worked overtime, and got it. I wanted to leave the banking center…applied for commercial banking and now I’m here. Dude…I take less than a minute to figure out what to eat at a restaurant. You will never hear me telling a server that I need another minute to figure out what I want to fucking order. To me…it’s THAT easy. But with chel, pam, and mayan…I see that it’s not always black and white. Sometimes it is grey. And trust me, I have bitched with this realization.

There’s a reason why all four of us are going through all this shit together. We’ll know to be careful. We’ll know when it’s too late to make things better. We’ll know when the situation is too fucked up to fix. We’ll know when to forgive. We’ll know if there’s room to let them back in. Or we’ll know when to just walk away. We don’t know for sure now…but our experiences help us put it all in perspective.

I would not want to be single with any other three women than these three bitches.

Summer lovin’.
Sunday, September 9, 2007

Summer tours are my favorite thing about summer…

More videos from this past weekend’s Incubus show here.

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