mayanrocks.com » tv
Left Phalange.
Sunday, February 18, 2024

chat

Chel is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and one of her sons was all like, “Please pray for all the hurt people on the plane.” And Chel was like, “What plane???” And he was like, “The plane we’re taking to Hawaii.” 😳 He’s always had a sixth sense about things. He sees his grandma all the time who used to live in that house and died long before he was born. This kid both amuses and terrifies me 😅

friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif

Sending all the positive energy their way for safe travels ✨

Stay-At-Home Daughter.
Friday, February 2, 2024

stay-at-home daughter

I had Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America on while I was working, and this was one of the contestant’s descriptions. I guess all the contestants are nepo babies, and this particular girl has an NFL dad turned restauranteur who spoils her. I can’t with these contestants 😂

Collector’s Item.
Friday, January 19, 2024

shattered iphone

I got a new phone today, because I shattered my screen last week when I was talking shit about Kylie Jenner 😅 I could’ve just replaced my screen like the last time I shattered it, but they’re on the iPhone 15 now and mine was a 10. I was due for a new phone LOL. Plus this new one has 1 TB of space, while my old one had 256 GB and the additional cloud space I pay extra monthly for has been full for 2 years 😅

S/O to the guy who helped me at Apple Otay Ranch and told me he liked my shirt. I was wearing my Original Berf shirt, and I love when people get the reference. I was like, “Thanks, it’s a collector’s item,” and he laughed and laughed and I left the store with a new phone and the biggest smile on my face.

Maybe more people will get the reference now that The Bear has swept the Emmy’s, Golden Globes and Critics’ Choice Awards.

Selena + Chef.
Thursday, November 30, 2023

selena gomez gravy boat gif

selena gomez gravy boat gif

She was, in fact, that girl. Stars—they’re just like us!

I used to watch Selena Gomez on Wizards of Waverly Place on the Disney Channel, and now I’m watching her cook with Chef Alex Guarneschelli on the Food Network. How fast they grow up 🥹

I usually have Food Network on in the background while I’m working, and I’ve never heard so many people mispronounce espresso (ex-pres-so), mascarpone (mars-car-pown), chipotle (chee-poll-tay) and jalapeño (ha-la-pee-no). I don’t expect a Green Bay fan white dude in the midwest to be able to roll their R’s and say birria, but how about you learn how to pronounce it first if you’re gonna make it on national television? I was plugging away at my catalog, and I was like, “If this guy says ‘beer-ya’ one more time…” 🤪

dwight screaming gif

Treasure.
Tuesday, November 28, 2023

melissa o'neil

I sent Melissa O’Neil (my favorite actress from The Rookie) a birthday gift last July. I mailed it to the studio they film at (Paramount) right before SAG went on strike. They started filming again this week, and they held onto my package all these months and left it in her trailer! She posted this to her stories and called me TREASURE, y’all. I can die now.

gwen winter

You guys, Eric Winter‘s mom liked my post about Melissa 💀

CHENFORD x THE REASON.
Sunday, November 19, 2023

hoobastank instagram like

I hardly ever post on my personal instagram account (one time, I went to do one of those “top 9 posts of the year,” but I couldn’t because I didn’t have 9 posts LOL). I post on my chenford account pretty often, though! Today, this video I edited to The Reason hit 10,000 likes, one of them being from HOOBASTANK! IDK if I’m more stoked Hoobastank liked my video or more embarrassed that they know (and now you know) I’m such a fan girl 😅

Reality.
Thursday, November 9, 2023

chenfor prayer candlee - the rookie

The actors strike is finally over! I manifested this moment with my Chenford prayer candle from my favorite TV show, The Rookie, so you’re welcome LOL (I also have one from Schitt’s Creek and Fleabag). Thank goodness our shows can start filming again.

With the exception of cooking competitions, I don’t watch reality TV. I can’t stand the Kardashians, I recorded The Bachelorette once when I was trying to catch a commercial and I must’ve said, “Is this real life???” a billion times during one episode, and whenever Nori tries to talk to me about Below Deck, I shut her down LOL.

It just all feels very scripted. No judgement if you enjoy reality TV. Just kidding (tons of judgement over here).

side eye judging you gif

Fall Back.
Monday, November 6, 2023

alt 98.7 fm daylight savings

Where my seasonal depression lamp at? 😅

broad city sad lamp gif

Food Network.
Wednesday, November 1, 2023

food network holiday shows

If you need me, I’ll be here ✌🏼

Zipper.
Sunday, October 29, 2023

fresh off the boat zipper gif

I was sitting in the In-N-Out drive-thru line with Pammie, and this particular line starts as two lines and funnels into one line to maximize space in the small parking lot. This car next to us tried to cut us off when it was our turn to funnel, and my sister was like, “Fucking bitch! She didn’t scissor!” I was like, “Scissor?! Do you mean ‘zipper’???” We couldn’t stop laughing 🤣

Energy.
Friday, October 27, 2023

I sent this video to my work bestie, and she said I’m definitely Mitchell 🤣

Red.
Sunday, October 22, 2023

Me every time the NFL commentators mention Taylor Swift during a Chiefs game 🙄

Donation.
Saturday, October 14, 2023

chat

I’m already a monthly donor for ASPCA (to help animals in need. Also, the commercials and Sarah McLachlan got me. Plus I got a free t-shirt LOL).

Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

Lottery.
Wednesday, October 11, 2023

The Powerball jackpot is $1.7 billion tonight! May the odds be ever in your favor…

Fogo.
Sunday, October 8, 2023

Happy 70th birthday to my pops! (@ Fogo de Chão)

I’ve never been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, but it was everything The Mindy Project promised it would be 🤣

Wordle.
Monday, September 25, 2023

wordle
Me after solving today’s wordle:

dawson's creek ugly cry gif

Be More Pacific.
Saturday, September 23, 2023

I love Filipino Kare Kare, and this restaurant makes it with BRISKET. I have to try it! BRB, looking up flights to Houston.

Serious.
Thursday, September 7, 2023
the mindy project - danny castellano is my trainer the mindy project - danny castellano is my trainer the mindy project - danny castellano is my trainer

Googling “how to raise good cholesterol” because my doctor said my number should be higher, and the first suggestion is to exercise more 😅 I’m like, uhhh, can’t I just eat more fish??? 🤣

Trust.
Wednesday, September 6, 2023
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif

When my sister’s husband found out the Young the Giant show was rescheduled and I was going with Francis, he was like, “Christine must really trust you with her husband!” What can I say, I’m trustworthy as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But this is also me:

trust

JK, Christine can rest! 🤣

beyonce sleeping gif

French.
Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Yvonne?! That’s a french ass name!

I’ve had Food Network on in the background as I’ve been working, and I always thought “star anise” was pronounced “star a-nees,” but I’ve heard both Chef Zakarian and Chef Symon call it “star a-nis” today, and I was like, “Why are they saying it like ‘anus’?” LOL. But I googled it and it is pronounced like anus 🤣

We used to sell these sabatier steak knives when I worked at Red Envelope, and I called them “saba-teer” for months until a customer pronounced it “suh-ba-tee-ay,” and I was like, “These knives are french?! How come no one told me???”

🤣🤣🤣

Au Revoir, Pee-wee.
Monday, July 31, 2023

pee-wee herman - it's not for sale francis

I used to watch Pee-wee’s Playhouse every Saturday morning when I was a kid, and I only know what the Alamo is because Pee-wee’s bike was hidden in the basement in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure LOL.

R.I.P. Paul Reubens 💔

Evil Lives Here.
Wednesday, July 26, 2023

The theme song for Evil Lives Here is easily the most perfect and creepiest intro music.

Survival of the Thickest.
Monday, July 17, 2023

survival of the thickest

I love Michelle Buteau. She was the host of season 2 of Barbecue Showdown and she has a hilarious new show on Netflix, Survival of the Thickest. Before this, I’d seen her in a number of romcoms where she played the sidekick or a minor B character. I’m so glad she’s finally starring in her own show!

When my speech therapist suggested I read a book out loud to help with my voice (pretty much the only thing still noticeably affected by the strokes), I amazon primed Michelle Buteau’s book so fast.

Hot Dog Summer.
Tuesday, July 4, 2023

nathan's hot dog eating contest

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

Exercise.
Saturday, July 1, 2023

kim richards - but i don't want to gif - real housewives of beverly hills

…or me whenever my sister tells me I should go on a walk or do my Breather exercises that my speech therapist told me to do. Basically, I don’t like any kind of exercise LOL. She’s always like, “You should be grateful you can still move and talk!” especially after her coworker told her that her cousin who’s the same age as me had a stroke and died. Ok fine, I’ll go on a walk and do my breathing exercises… *grumbles*

Stay Strong, Bitch.
Tuesday, June 20, 2023

stay strong bitch gif

…or Jay’s message to me today after finding out about my strokes 🤣 I can totally hear him saying that! Except he says “skrong” like Kanye in Roses and “bitch” (also like Kanye in Roses).

I saw Kanye perform his debut album at 4th and B back in 2004. I miss the old Kanye.

By Your Side.
Monday, June 5, 2023

Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’ playlist.

Don’t mind me. Just re-watching old Ted Lasso episodes and loved this scene.

P.S. I’ve known Sade’s By Your Side was gonna be my wedding song ever since it came out in 2000 and I thought I’d be married by the time I turned 25 (I’m 41 now LOL).

So Long, Farewell.
Monday, June 5, 2023
ted lasso finale gif
ted lasso finale gif
ted lasso finale gif

The Ted Lasso series finale was so good! I’ve never been so invested in a fake sports show.

BBQ Showdown.
Sunday, June 4, 2023

barbecue showdown

…or me telling everyone I know about Barbecue Showdown.

Daddy.
Wednesday, May 31, 2023

logan sandoval - barbecue showdown

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

El Barbecue.
Friday, May 26, 2023

el barbecue

el barbecue

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

Barbecue Showdown.
Friday, May 26, 2023

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Waco.
Tuesday, May 23, 2023

waco american apocalypse netflix

Me: Waco? Oh, it’s the 30-year anniversary.
Pammie: What happened in Waco?
Me: What do you mean, ‘What happened in Waco?’ Waco’s only known for one thing!
Pammie: I only know Waco for the Magnolia Silos LOL.

Even if I didn’t love true crime, I’d still know what happened in Waco 🤣

P.S. If you weren’t alive for Waco in 1993, you are much too young for me LOL.

Not Dead Yet.
Thursday, May 18, 2023
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif

BRB crying.

God, I love this show. Thank goodness it was renewed! I’m still salty about The Company You Keep cancellation LOL.

Text HARD to 69069.
Saturday, April 8, 2023

text hard to 69069

These viagra commercials on ID are crazy LOL. I just wanted to watch some true crime.

Cameo.
Wednesday, April 5, 2023

melissa oneil cameo

My sweet friend surprised me with a Melissa O’Neil Cameo  today (our favorite actress from The Rookie!). All of Melissa’s Cameo proceeds go to the Fresno Bully Rescue where she got her dog, Herc, who recently passed, so def get one from her if you can! Thank you, Heather! 💕

Wednesday.
Monday, November 28, 2022

wednesday netflix

If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.

Wednesday.
Wednesday, August 17, 2022

🖤🖤🖤

The Bear.
Thursday, July 7, 2022

the bear fuck you

“CORNER!” – me to absolutely no one while making a sandwich after binge-watching The Bear.

Puppy Bowl.
Sunday, February 7, 2021

Chunky Monkey is my spirit animal.

Lady Donutton.
Friday, January 22, 2021

bridgerton name meme

Lady Marion Donutton of Quiksilver

(I knew I’d come to regret postmating Randy’s Donuts today.)

Bridgerton.
Thursday, January 21, 2021
bridgerton - siena and anthony - art of the swoon gif
bridgerton - siena and anthony - art of the swoon gif
bridgerton - siena and anthony - art of the swoon gif

If you’re not binging Bridgerton, then I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Make haste, y’all!

First World Problems.
Sunday, November 15, 2020

there are people dying kim kardashian gif

…or what I tell myself when I have to work on the weekend and they forget the organic goji berries on the $20 acai bowl I just postmated.

Steez.
Wednesday, May 20, 2020

90 day fiance

Shi thinks I’m attracted to anyone with a beard, and she ain’t wrong. Also, why is this the second convo I’ve had about 90 Day Fiancé today???

Quiz.
Thursday, April 2, 2020

tiger king quiz

I blame my love of questionable meat and going commando. Or maybe it’s just my fun, approachable vibe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Which Tiger King personality are you???

Tiger King.
Friday, March 27, 2020

tiger king netflix

This billboard looks like the first thing I created in photoshop circa 1996. Has anyone else reached the Tiger King segment of their quarantine yet???

Give Thanks.
Saturday, November 30, 2019

happy endings - secrets and limos - please don't do me - penny gif

…or me when my bff’s family was done going around the table saying what they were all thankful for, and her 6-year-old daughter says, “Now let’s say what we hate about each other.”

I find this kid equally amusing and terrifying.

El Camino.
Friday, October 11, 2019

Same.

’90s Nostalgia.
Saturday, September 14, 2019

button mash - saved by the bell - check

button mash - ninja turtles - arcade

button mash - tofu balls

Can I get a Clearly Canadian to wash down these tofu balls? (@ Button Mash)

Spoiler Alert.
Monday, May 20, 2019
how i met your mother - monday night football - superbowl - sensory deprivation 5000 gif

Actual footage of me picking up my food order during the Game of Thrones finale.

After setting up my projector and ordering food, I got in my car and realized my battery was dead. I must’ve left the dome light on Friday night when I was looking for that mango hi-chew that fell into the abyss.

The food was already paid for, so I had to take a lyft there and back to get it. Luckily, both of my drivers were more concerned about the rain in LA than the GoT finale. I called AAA when I got home, and the dude took an hour and a half to get to my apartment. Once he jump started my car, he told me that I should keep it running for another half hour! I got back home around 10pm after driving aimlessly in the rain and finally queued up the episode.

As it turns out, I didn’t need to partake in a social media blackout to avoid spoilers that night, because my entire evening leading up to the finale was more exciting than the finale itself!

The Long Night.
Monday, April 29, 2019

The lack of casualties during the Battle of Winterfell does not bode well for my Game of Thrones Dead Pool entry, guys.

(Fucking Arya, though!!!)

Winter is here.
Sunday, April 14, 2019

game of thrones premiere

The One Where Shirley Gets Married.
Sunday, January 27, 2019

friends themed bachelorette party

Friends is Shi’s most favorite TV show ever, and Shi is our favorite bachelorette!

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

bachelorette

adult capri suns

bachelorette

Shi chow-crowned an impressive amount of gummy dicks. Marry this woman already!

let's misbehave - tipsy crow

Don’t have to tell us twice (@ The Tipsy Crow)

bachelorette

This mechanical bull has seen better days, and so has my liver (@ Double Deuce)

It was so much fun partying like I was 21 again, but I spent the entire day in bed afterwards paying for it!

(Same time next weekend?)

Friends-themed food and drink ideas:

  • Penis cake – “Emma’s 1st birthday cake”
  • Cheesecake – “Chandler’s stolen cheesecake”
  • Chocolate chip cookies – “Phoebe’s grandma’s cookie recipe”
  • Quiche – “Monica’s finger nail quiche”
  • Trifle – “Rachel’s Thanksgiving trifle”
  • Charcuterie board with jam and crackers – “Joey’s uncircumsized deli meat” / “Monica’s jam”
  • Crab cakes – “Ross’ free crab cakes”
  • Chicken wings – “Monica’s bubble bath chicken”
  • Sandwiches – “Joey’s ride along sandwich”
  • Pizza – “George Stephanopoulos’ pizza” or “Ross and Rachel’s breakup pizza”
  • Flan – “Rachel’s birthday flan”
  • Chocolate torte – “Joey’s date’s chocolate torte”
  • Lasagna – “Monica’s mom’s back-up lasagna”
  • Mini muffins – “Ross’ basket of mini muffins”
  • Salad – “Monica’s perverted salad” or “Rachel’s side salad”
  • Punch – “Monica’s tiki death punch”
  • Mac & Cheese – “Chandler’s righteous mac & cheese”
  • Turkey sandwiches – “Ross’ stolen thanksgiving leftover sandwich (the moist maker)”
  • Chocolate – “Monica’s mockolate”
  • Assorted candies – “Monica’s little pieces of heaven”
  • Fajitas – “Ross’ fine fajitas”
  • Cups and ice – “Phoebe’s cups and ice”

Vendors/Supplies:

New Amsterdam.
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
new amsterdam - dr. helen sharpe - millie cancer - painting nails gif
new amsterdam - dr. helen sharpe - millie cancer - painting nails gif

I used to paint my grandma’s nails when she was sick, and I came across this episode of New Amsterdam on her death anniversary today.

BRB crying.

Currently.
Monday, August 6, 2018

friends chandler steam room gif

You guys, my glasses just fogged up in the Whole Foods parking lot.

Could it be any more humid???

Sick Day.
Tuesday, May 29, 2018

13 reasons why - season 2 - the little girl - clay break up
13 reasons why - season 2 - the little girl - clay break up

BRB binging in bed ✌🏼

Sick Day.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018

scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif
scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif
scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif

Sick days are for Scandal marathons.

Opposites Attract.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017

how i met your mother - the olive theory gif

new girl - the hike - raisins - the olive theory gif new girl - the hike - raisins - the olive theory gif

Bumble bio update: Must hate smoked BBQ beef ribs.

Casual.
Sunday, July 31, 2016

hulu - casual - magpie gif hulu - casual - magpie gif
hulu - casual - magpie gif hulu - casual - magpie gif

I just binge watched two seasons of Casual, and I can’t believe this lady is only supposed to be five years older than me.

In her defense, I get carded all the time. Also, some dude coaching youth track at the park during lunch last week asked me if I was in high school! Sir, if you’re trying to get me to join your track team, I’m in my thirties. And more importantly, I don’t run.

Hybrid Theory.
Monday, June 20, 2016

bones - the movie in the making - linkin park papa roach hoobastank gif

I’m pretty sure the victim in this episode stole my CD binder circa 2001.

Clutter.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015

criminal minds - till death do us part - clutter or the constant presence of a messy room is often a sign of depression

We were watching TV at my mom’s house over the holiday, and right after they showed this part, my aunt paused it, turned to me with a concerned look on her face, and was all like, “You know you can talk to me, right???” I meannnn.

#1 How dare you?
#2 This explains so much.

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