Dennis gave me these countdown blocks for my birthday, partly because he and my sister have this Harry Potter Block Calendar at their house and to remind me of them at home, but mostly because I didn’t wear pants a lot when I was staying with them for a year after the stroke 😅

I once accidentally ordered the ‘narrow calf’ version of these boots, and when I got them, they were super snug, so I wore them around the house to stretch out the leather. My sister’s husband walked in on me washing dishes in the kitchen only wearing these boots, a bathing suit bottom and a baby tee 😆 He was like, ‘What’s happening right now? Why do you look like Woody from Toy Story?’ 🤠

I think the last time I saw Deane was on a zoom happy hour during covid!

I had the stroke after that, and she was a digital nomad living out of the country last year when I came back to LA. Now she’s back in LA, too, and living in Koreatown. We both have January birthdays, so we celebrated with Nori at Soowon Galbi, followed by dessert at Sul & Beans near her new place in K-Town.

Who wore it better??? We used to work together, and we bonded over work trauma, our love of live music, good food and no dietary restrictions 😆

We used to go to Ocean Diner in Hermosa Beach for lunch all the time, but we started noticing people would get fired after we ate there. It happened three different times! So we haven’t eaten there in years 😅

One time, we were at the Hollywood Bowl, and she leaned over and was like, ‘Can we go eat after this?’ 😆

We would leave shows early all the time to go eat (@ Bootleg Theater)

Our favorite place ever was Ramekin in Los Feliz. It has since closed down, but our friendship has outlasted all the restos and music venues that have closed since I met her. She’s the coolest girl I know in LA ✌🏼

Get you a work bestie who makes you shrimp ceviche, gives you grain-free tortilla chips because she cares about your health, chops up celery because she knows you hate cutting vegetables or doing any meal prep, and makes you get hydrogen peroxide on your lunch break so you can properly clean your wounds 😆

My phone died last night after my sister and friends went back to San Diego, and I fell asleep at 8pm 👵🏻 Pammie can’t track me or get my blood sugar readings when my phone’s dead, so she thought I was dead when she couldn’t get any readings. To be fair, I lost a lot of blood after I fell at the beach LOL. She was about to call Nori to do a wellness check! 😅 Nori was the one who took me to the hospital after I had my stroke, and my sister is happy I have someone looking after me in LA. I’m lucky to have such a good friend ✨

Shi couldn’t celebrate my birthday with me this year, so she doordashed me some breakfast from King’s Hawaiian 😋🤙🏼

I like to spend my birthday surrounded by wieners, HBU? (@ Puppies & Yoga)

I live at least an hour south of any of the fires burning in LA right now. You can’t see the smoke from here, but you can smell it in the air, and my car’s covered in ash. We didn’t see any smoke on the way up to West Hollywood for puppy yoga, but we did see this injury lawyer billboard 😆

We ate at Food Network’s Brooke Williamson’s beachside restaurant, Playa Provisions. Proceeds from their fish tacos went to wildfire relief, so of course that’s what I ordered. It was delicious!

Pop-prosecco? Yes, please.

I hardly ever go to the beach, even though I live literally 2 miles from the ocean on Manhattan Beach Boulevard. Donna & David happened to be in town for a wedding this weekend, and as San Diegans who moved to the east coast after high school, they like to go to the beach whenever they’re back in California.

‘Go to the beach,’ they said. ‘It’ll be fun,’ they said.

Pardon my ashy white legs LOL, I had a little accident and slipped on some rocks 😅

Fun Fact: I’ve always wanted to be Miss Argentina from Beetlejuice for Halloween.

I instacarted some non-perishables and necessities for families and pets who have been displaced due to the fires. The YMCA in Koreatown is accepting donation drop-offs.

Pammie collected money from the girls and got me an awesome Moo Deng shirt that I wore to puppy yoga, and had leftover money, so I said to just donate it to one of these major organizations accepting monetary donations for the wildfires: LAFD, American Red Cross, Direct Relief, World Central Kitchen, or the Salvation Army. They need it more than I do. Please give what you can 🥺

I was going to spend my birthday eating my way through Smorgasburg LA, but it’s been canceled 🥺

If my puppy yoga class is also canceled in West Hollywood this Sunday, I will riot 😅

JK, I hope everyone continues to be safe 💔

Shi wants to spend her birthday sound bathing at the Integratron, so we’re gonna spend a wellness weekend in Joshua Tree next month. I haven’t been to this place in nearly 8 years, and I can’t wait to go back ✨

KBBQ, cackles, Cheetahs and crack for Pammie’s birthday 😆 (@ SOT Korean BBQ)

When your sister’s birthday is the week before Christmas and she’s a Potterhead ⚡

All the birthday girl wanted was to throw some clay with us at a pottery class in North Park (@ Teralta Art)

We had coffee at The Dojo Cafe before heading over to the workshop, so all the girls rode in my car. As Chel was putting her stuff in my trunk, she was like, ‘Why do you have a pair of heels back here?’ I was like, ‘Just in case I need them’ and Christine was like, ‘Need them for WHAT? Who you fucking?’

Nobody, damn! 😅 Can’t a girl just keep an extra pair of heels in her car?!

Actual footage of me looking for Game 4 tickets on Stubhub:

Game 3 is on my dad’s birthday, and he already said he had the best seat in the house (on his sofa in front of the TV) and didn’t want to go to the game for his birthday, so I was hoping the Padres would win one in LA and there’d be a 4th game in SD.

LFGSD ⚾💛🤎

Cinnamon rolls, furikake chex mix, and chocolate chip cookies, oh my 💛

It would’ve been my grandma’s 93rd birthday this weekend, so we had a potluck at the cemetery. She would’ve loved these treats I brought. She was diabetic and always sneaking sweets 😆

From the last birthday we celebrated in 2020 with grandma 💛

What, your family doesn’t celebrate dead people’s birthdays with food at the graveyard? 😜

My favorite video ever 🥹

Happy heavenly birthday, Queen! 🥳

When your favorite 8-year-old loves Harry Potter and axolotls 💕

I was in Spain for her birthday, but I’m seeing her mom for dinner tonight. Christine messaged yesterday saying she missed our cackles and wanted to hang. We hang out all the time, but it’s usually for a special occasion (birthdays, holidays, Justin Timberlake concerts, etc. LOL). The last time I remember her asking if we were free out of the blue was when she told us she was pregnant 😳 She has since had three kids and her tubes tied, so I don’t think we’re gonna have any special announcements tonight (at least not of that nature). I would say it’s to discuss JT’s DUI this morning, but she asked to hang out yesterday so 😜

Anyway, can’t wait for chismé and cackles tonight!

I couldn’t find the skull pan I wanted to use, but luckily I have two.

I only get to bust out my skull pan twice a year—Halloween and my morbid ass twin godchildren’s birthday (it’s a well known fact that chocolate cake tastes better when it’s shaped like a skull).

Happy 7th birthday, Dominic and Elijah! Ninang loves you weird little fuckers 💀🥳

Last year, we we’re poppin’ bottles, and this year Jessie is poppin’ baby bottles. But I sent her some champagne, so she could still pop some adult bottles.

When Jessie was still looking for a surrogate, I was like, “I’ll carry your baby. You can live in the casita, and my pregnant ass will stay in the main house with your husband.” Needless to say, she went with a surrogate in Bakersfield instead 🤣

Happiest birthday, bb! Also, please don’t talk to me till I’ve had my morning coffee ☕

Since they’re not bringing people around the baby till he’s had all his vaccines, we instacarted her some champagne, sent her balloons from Party City, and are gonna doordash her some lunch later. Last year, we were celebrating her 40th birthday downtown and I was throwing up in the bathroom (it was the first time I drank after the strokes). How quickly things change around here…

Rise and grind (@ Mission Bay Beach Club)

Shi just wanted to go hiking and have some kid-free QT for her birthday. I would only get up this buttcrack early on a Sunday and exercise for this girl ❤️

Actual footage of me waking up before the sun this morning:

And me in the car while Christine drove my sleepy ass:

Thanks to Shi for picking a relatively easy hike that was mostly flat and paved and being so mindful of my fall risk status 😅 I actually loved this little walk around the bay, and we all have birthdays in the winter, so I wouldn’t mind doing this again during the cooler months! They also do yoga on Sundays, so I’ll have to try that one of these weekends.

Sidenote: This girl ran past me on the trail and she was like, “Behind!” I moved over and wanted to say, “Yes, chef,” but I didn’t think she’d get the reference 😂

I usually like to let my birthday pass without much fanfare (one year, Shi was like, “Am I just supposed to sit across from you at dinner and not acknowledge it’s your birthday?!”). I spent my last birthday in the hospital, so I decided to celebrate this trip around the sun.

A lot of iconic NYC eateries have since opened in LA (Roberta’s, Levain Bakery, Halal Guys, Langer’s Deli, Shake Shack, and Magnolia Bakery among others), but there’s still lots of places to try over here!

I have TSA pre-check because of my global entry enrollment, but my boots set off the metal detectors, so I had to take off my shoes and run them through the x-ray. I was wearing my Let’s Watch Horror Movies shirt, and I was like, “Are you sure it wasn’t the chainsaw on my shirt that set it off?” but no one was amused by my joke 😅

We took the red eye to NYC and got there at five in the morning. We flew JetBlue Mint so we could comfortably get some shut-eye on our overnight flight.

Actual footage of us in first class:

Sidenote: IDK why it bothers me so much that Timotheé Chalamet is dating Kylie Jenner. That’s a straight up lie, I know exactly why it bothers me. I’ve loved everything I’ve ever seen Timotheé Chalamet in, and I can’t stand the Kardashians/Jenners. Plus, I was so annoyed at the Golden Globes, Kieran Culkin (who won best actor in a drama series for Succession) didn’t even have seats with his wife, while Kylie was sitting front and center at Timotheé’s table. Like who even are you? I’m such a hater 😅

While I was laying flat, I heard something fall and didn’t think anything of it till we were deboarding the plane, when I was looking for my phone and couldn’t find it. I had already put the seat back up and my phone was stuck between the seat and the mechanism that makes the seat fold into a bed. Needless to say, my screen was shattered when I was able to get it out 😅 That’s what I get for talking shit about Kylie Jenner LOL.

We ordered some night caps before snoozing on the plane. I got their signature cocktail (Mint Condition), while Pammie got a chamomile tea and a virgin bloody mary LOL. I’ve never had a bloody mary with no vodka before!

Home for the weekend (The Plaza)

Partly because we got 40,000 Southwest points for booking this hotel, but mostly because Macauley Culkin stayed here in Home Alone 2.

Me: How much for the Kevin McCallister suite?
Internet: Nearly five grand a night.
Me: I’ll just book the cheapest room they have available, thank yew.

This is like the first time I went to NYC twenty years ago and went to Supreme to get something for Julz, and was like, “How much for this Nike necklace?” (it was just a dunk on a silver ball chain) and the guy was like, “two fifty,” and I was like, “$2.50? I’ll take two!” and the guy was like, “two hundred fifty,” and I was like, “Oh, I’ll take none then.” 😅

I brought my Grimace Crocs I got for Christmas in case this hotel was too fancy 😅

Bagels for breakfast (@ Ess-A-Bagel)

We went here last time we were in NYC, and the bagels were sooo good. I also grabbed a bagel and iced coffee at Skyline Deli and Grill in Brooklyn, and it was just as good! New York really knows their shit when it comes to bagels.

“You brought your tarot cards, but you didn’t bring any winter clothes???”

I run hot, so I packed pretty light. I just brought 4 pairs of warm leggings, socks, a nice tank top blouse for Moulin Rouge, 3 days of t-shirts, a pair of boots, my winter coat with the faux-fur lined hood, a beanie and some gloves. It’s a good thing I packed light, because Pammie had to put some of her Harry Potter haul in my luggage going home.

This s’mores hot chocolate was everything the internet promised it would be (@ Glace)

We got there before all the kids got out of school, so there wasn’t much of a line yet. While we were waiting for a taxi, this kid walking by asks her dad, “Daddy, what are all these people waiting for?” and he was like, “They’re just a bunch of TikTokers waiting for hot chocolate.” 😂

La Summer (@ All’Antico Vinaio)

We invited our cousin from LA because she mentioned wanting to go to NY the last time she visited. This was the one place she wanted to go to, and they had a location right by our hotel. They had a pop-up at Mozza2Go in LA last year,  but sold out before she could get any. I’ve eaten at one of Nancy Silverton’s other restaurants, Pizzeria Mozza, and anything good enough for her is good enough for me! This italian sandwich shop def didn’t disappoint.

Toe pick ⛸️ (@ The Rink at Rockefeller Center)

The last couple times I’ve been in New York was during the summer and this rink closes in April. I’ve always wanted to go ice skating here! I was so scared to go ice skating because my balance has been off since the strokes. Apparently, your iPhone measures your walking steadiness now, and I recently got this notification that I’m a fall risk 😅 I held on to the wall the entire time, but I’m glad I went!

We hit up Grand Central Terminal, because there’s a food hall inside of it. I had a lobster roll and a mule from Luke’s Lobster. The lobster tastes so much more fresh when they don’t have to fly it to the west coast!

I wasn’t planning on going to Magnolia since I’ve been to the one in LA, but they had a location inside the food hall, so I had to get some banana pudding.

Spectacular, spectacular (@ Al Hirschfield Theatre)

Moulin Rouge is one of my favorite movies, and the Broadway musical was amazing! It easily tops Waitress as my favorite musical ever. When we were getting snacks before the show, we asked the guy at concessions if they had any real food because we hadn’t eaten yet, and he was like, “Sorry, we don’t. The hibachi’s getting installed tomorrow.” LOL.

If you need me, I’ll be at the Butterbeer Bar (@ Harry Potter NY)

Pammie was in heaven and spent hours at the Harry Potter store, while my cousin (who’s never seen a Harry Potter movie) and I drank butterbeer and ate butterbeer soft serve.

My favorite place to fake an orgasm (@ Katz’s Deli)

We had to go here after recently watching When Harry Met Sally in the theater. The pastrami sandwich was def orgasm-inducing, and so was the guy who helped us (S/O to Julian!) 😜

My sister fell in love with espresso martinis at the Starbucks Reserve Roastery we went to in Chicago (even though she doesn’t usually like coffee or vodka!), so when we found out there was a roastery in NYC, we had to go here (@ Starbucks Reserve Roastery)

We couldn’t go to NY without getting a quintessential black and white cookie and cheesecake from Junior’s.

When my sister’s husband found out we were going to NYC, he showed me this video where they try the world’s most expensive cereal from this bakery in Brooklyn.

They only make a limited amount of boxes and they sell out every morning, so we went there at an unholy hour and were the first people in line. I once stood in line in LA for 2 hours for Howlin’ Rays Hot Chicken the morning after I got absolutely trashed at a music festival, so this was nothing compared to that 😅 We got a box each, so it was worth it. I also got a raspberry almond croissant here that was *chef’s kiss*.

Coney Island closes the boardwalk and rides during the winter, but Nathan’s is still open! I had the best hot dog ever (although I was bummed I took that packet of relish out of my purse from the last time I ate a Costco hot dog LOL). I’ll def have to come back here during the summer to watch the hot dog eating contest live (I watch it on TV with bated breath every 4th of July).

Checked another one off my BBQ Bucket List (@ Hometown Bar-B-Que)

When planning my trip, I looked up BBQ in NYC and went to add this place in Brooklyn to my BBQ Bucket List and saw it was already on there!

It started snowing while we were there. BBQ and snow??? It doesn’t get more magical than that.

When I got off the plane when we arrived, I felt hot and nauseous so I sat down. I ended up having to run to the bathroom and blowing chunks all over the first stall. I’m sorry to the pissed cleaner that had to clean it all up 😅 Last night when I was in bed around midnight, I felt hot and nauseous again. The heat was cranked up in our hotel room because it was so cold outside, so I was sleeping in my underwear. I ran to the bathroom with no pants on and threw up all the BBQ I ate earlier. The only common denominator when I threw up Friday morning and Sunday night was that I had BBQ both days. Can I not eat BBQ anymore??? I was gonna smoke my first brisket next weekend for when the girls come over for my birthday, but now I’m scared to eat BBQ. Usually, if I get sick after eating something, I never eat it again (this is why I don’t eat strawberry ice cream or chicken fried steak LOL), but it’s BBQ! I can’t give that up…

We couldn’t go to NYC without getting updated photos of our auras taken in Chinatown.

I once went to a festival in LA where they were charging triple the price to photograph your aura. Another vendor at the same festival gave me a paper boba straw when I ordered a drink! Fucking LA 😅 I used to keep a box of plastic straws in the trunk of my car for when Nori and I would go to Starbucks on our lunch break because plastic is banned in Manhattan Beach. I can’t with the paper straws! (Calm down, I recycle. Get off me).

Last meal in NYC (@ Artichoke Basille’s Pizza)

I would eat pizza every day if I could, and my favorite style is New York (I love a thin crust, none of that Chicago deep-dish bullshit). I love that there’s pizzerias on every corner and they all taste good!

The last time we flew home from NYC, Pammie watched Harry Potter, while I watched Homicide for the Holidays. This time, she watched another Harry Potter movie while I watched true crime on the ID channel. We haven’t changed.

I saw so many Christmas trees dumped on the side of the street. The holidays and my birthday are officially over, and they were spectacular ❤️

Shi comin’ in hot with the tea! I love chisme on any given day, but especially on my birthday 😆

I got my sister’s husband a Ninja Woodfire 8-in-1 Outdoor Oven for Christmas, partly because it gets hot enough to make pizzas, but mostly because it’s also a smoker and I love me some smoked meats.

For Pammie’s birthday, the girls got together for a pizza party on her rooftop. The oven works sooo well and fast. It cooked the pizzas faster than we could make them!

Chel brought us dick chips! They were salty and meaty with a vinegar backnote 😆

What should we make next? These smoked wings I once had at Alpine Beer Company that I still have dreams about? An entire smoked brisket??? 😜

Happy birthday to my bestie and favorite sister, Pammie!

I sent Melissa O’Neil (my favorite actress from The Rookie) a birthday gift last July. I mailed it to the studio they film at (Paramount) right before SAG went on strike. They started filming again this week, and they held onto my package all these months and left it in her trailer! She posted this to her stories and called me TREASURE, y’all. I can die now.

You guys, Eric Winter‘s mom liked my post about Melissa 💀

It’s my mama’s 65th birthday, and all she wanted was a new iPad to watch her K-dramas and some lettuce wraps (@ P.F. Chang’s)

All Chel wanted for her birthday was to paint some pumpkins, sip some cocktails and slurp some ramen (and a sexy chef to make us dinner, but I couldn’t provide that).

I refilled the punch-a-bunch for Darien and the twins who also coincidentally love Halloween, BBQ and being naked.

I accidentally dropped my still-wet pumpkin towards the end of the night, so not only did I ruin Chel’s warm palette vibe, I also ruined her patio table and area rug underneath it with neon green paint! She says she was getting rid of the table and rug anyway 😅

My cup is so full. Love these girls ♥️

We’re having a paint and sip night for Chel’s birthday this weekend, and my Beetlejuice pumpkins don’t really fit Chel’s warm palette vibe 😅

Is this like when Lindsay Lohan didn’t know that Halloween was the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and was the only one who showed up at that party in a scary costume in Mean Girls? 🤣 Am I about to DJ Lo & Behold this party???

Happy 70th birthday to my pops! (@ Fogo de Chão)

I’ve never been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, but it was everything The Mindy Project promised it would be 🤣

Partly because it’s Harry Potter’s birthday, but mostly because I wanted some chocolate cake 😆

I’ve been looking forward to having Grimace’s birthday meal all week, but the Mcdonald’s nearby stopped selling it already (I had a to do some bloodwork today, so of course I got a cheeseburger and fries afterward).

My sister’s mother-in-law once joked that she was gonna steal the honey dispenser from the restaurant, so I got her one for her 70th birthday (along with a Kate Spade purse that’s big enough to hide the honey dispenser if she still wants to steal it).

I’m a thoughtful ass gift giver 🤣

Nori and I would frequent this taco shop when we had lunch every day for work, and even though we’d almost always go to Starbucks after, sometimes I would get this Mexican rice pudding that was just hanging out there in the fridge, begging me to buy it. Nori doesn’t like milky things LOL, so she would just watch me eat it, but today is her birthday, so I made some and thought of her. I miss my friend! She really helped me out after I got sick and checks in all the time ❤️‍🩹

I sent her a care package of all her favorite things: Mango Gummy Bears and Pineapple O’s from Lin’s Hawaiian Snacks, Dark Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts, King’s Hawaiian Bread with Passion Fruit Jelly, Freeze-Dried Sour Skittles, CheeseCorn from Garrett, a thumb drive with all her favorite movies, and some gift cards to Nordstrom and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf because she is never without a spritz of perfume and a big ass Tropical Passion Iced Tea. She sent me this photo of her dog, Kona, trying to steal some of her candy 💕

Me checking what day my birthday falls on next year knowing I’m gonna have it at Texas Roadhouse LOL.

My friends will be like, “but this is in a mall parking lot in El Cajon, and we had champagne and wagyu at Born & Raised in Little Italy last year!”

Sorry B’s, I like my meat from East County ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends…🍾 🥂

I’m going going, back back, to Callie Callie (@ Callie)

We were finally able to get together and celebrate Jessie’s 40th birthday! 🎂 🎉 🍽️

Jessie knows everyone at Callie since she goes all the time! We met the head chef, Travis (thanks for sending over those complimentary fish collars), saw pictures of the manager’s cute pittie/corgi mix, Gravy, and wished the host well (he’s getting married next month!). Such a great experience, and the food was sooo good!

Love these girls 💕

I love that even when we’re in the four corners of the world we still find time to check in (yes, LA, SD, Vegas and AZ are the four corners of my very small world.) Happy 40th birthday, bb! Thanks for all the yummy grain-free treats you’ve sent my way (even though I eat them with half a cinnamon-raisin bagel) and for teaching me how to play dominoes (even though I beat you). I will watch Physical: 100 with you (because you like K-Dramas, but I also draw the line at commentary LOL). Callie soon!

Belated birthday post for this supreme slice! We celebrated Chel’s birthday with a backyard pizza party. Are these ovens allowed on apartment balconies in LA??? Asking for a friend.

Picnic in the park (@ Lake View Park)

All this birthday mama wanted was some adult time and some chicken in a muthafuckin’ biskit LOL! Nothing’s too good for our Shi ♥️

Even though I usually try to let my birthday pass without much fanfare, this past week has been a reminder that life should be celebrated.

I got to have drinks with my almost birthday twin Christine, who was the second of my dearest friends to be diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since she had her surgery last month, and I was so grateful to have her here with us, healthy, happy and cancer-free.

Shi wasn’t able to attend my birthday dinner because her husband was exposed to covid the day before and she wanted to be safe. Life has taken a 180 since this pandemic started two years ago, but I’m glad that anyone I know who has gotten covid has recovered from it.

While enjoying birthday macarons at Bottega Louie, a man sitting at the bar next us passed out. Initially, I thought he was drunk (it was late at night in DTLA, after all), but he was having a medical emergency. He came to for a second before slipping out of consciousness again and sliding onto the floor. The girl who was with him started doing chest compressions as he lay lifeless on the ground, and I stood there horrified. An ambulance arrived, and I left there completely traumatized. He couldn’t have been older than me, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since.

All that to say, life’s too short to be worrying about my ebbing youth and unfulfilled timelines of where I should be at this point in my life. I’m lucky to still be here and am looking forward to more trips around the sun with you guys ❤️

When your mom visits you for your birthday, unexpectedly stays an extra few days, and has to borrow your clothes LOL.

My birthday was in the middle of the week, and I fully intended on working from home and saving the festivities for the weekend. Pammie and my mom had other plans, though. They were only supposed to stay for the day, but I guess they were having too much fun to go back home to SD! And even though my mom kept finding things to clean (even though I spent the entire day cleaning before they got here), and my sister had EIGHT zoom meetings a day that I had to be quiet for, I loved that they spent my birthday week with me at home in LA.

Celebrated Chel’s birthday with the girls (@ Pop Pie Co.)

After Pammie shared her big news that she bought a new house over the weekend, Shi revealed that her only update was that she got a tooth extracted and was going through a mortgage refi—that’s two more things than I got going on! Ha.

Just Luna Grill notifying me that I have half a year left in my thirties (and offering some free baklava as consolation).

When your friends have kids but still like to party 🥳

Pacific coolers are the new pickleback!

Ditch day with my favorite 40-year-old at my favorite place (@ Grand Ole BBQ)

It took me four hours to drive from LA to SD this holiday weekend! The bestie is lucky I love BBQ her.

I ordered the bestie a tata towel as a gag for her 40th birthday. It was delivered earlier this week and has been sitting in my apartment lobby for days now. Had I known how indiscreet the packaging was, I would have picked it up sooner LOL!

Happiest birthday to my favorite little pitmasters (who coincidentally also love BBQ and being in their birthday suits).

Best birthday gift EVER.

Pammie surprised me with BBQ from my favorite spot in Texas, and I didn’t even have to wait in line for hours to get it!

The first time I ate Franklin Barbecue was years ago on a trip to Austin City Limits. It was day-old brisket reheated in a hotel microwave, but it was (and still is) the best BBQ I’ve ever had.

Drive-by shots with the birthday girl, Christine! She sent everyone home with tall boys and 40s in paper bags. I was going to take my drinks back to LA, but my dad was like, “Leave the malt liquor… I used to drink that when I lived in Oakland.” My bad, gangsta!

So good seeing my favorite girls, if only for a short, socially distant while, with half of our faces covered in Christine’s driveway. I can’t believe it’s been a year since we’ve all been together!!!

39 is staying in, binging Schitt’s Creek for the fourth time, eating your favorite pastrami sandwich and cookies from NYC, and finding joy in vacuuming all of your crumbs with the dream dyson you just got for your birthday (I’m clearly going hard this last year in my thirties).

Pammie’s quarantine birthday was magical as hell.

I love that Christine’s birthday is so close to mine, especially when her husband throws her a surprise party at my favorite BBQ spot! (@ Grand Ole BBQ)

The girls gave me the best gift ever: music and travel! I can’t wait to see Tame Impala in Portland!!!

Thanks to Chel, Christine and the old man in a hawaiian shirt at the bar for buying me all those birthday drinks (and even more thanks to Alicia for picking my ass up and Ray for driving my car home).

When the clock struck midnight on my birthday, I was two burritos deep and lying on the floor at Alicia’s house. This is 38, guys.

Jessie’s birthday BBQ (@ Grand Ole BBQ Flinn Springs)

I missed pre-BBQ beers at Alpine because of stupid LA traffic, but I made it before they sold out of ribs this time! Can all my friends celebrate their birthdays here??? I would get on the 405 during rush hour for BBQ you.

Welp, there goes my dinner plans (@ Grand Ole BBQ y Asado)

When they sell out of your beloved beef ribs, you just order everything else on the menu, right?

Birthday beers (@ Thorn St. Brewery)

I tell everyone I know that my favorite ice is the nugget kind they have at Sonic, and it was so thoughtful of Christine to remember.

The last time I brought sangria to her house, I asked her beforehand if she had ice, and Pammie was like, “Of course she has ice, she’s an adult!” and I was like, “But I never have ice at my place.” And she was like, “Exactly.” I mean. Who needs ice when you keep the vodka in the freezer???

The girls think this is what I sound like, and I ain’t even mad. Thanks for dinner, drinks, my new sound bar, and a much needed girls night! Love you b’s.

Happy early birthday to my favorite sister! (@ Monello)

FYI I can only eat pasta when it’s prepared tableside in a cheese wheel now.

Family vacay at the happiest place on earth!

We airbnb’d it in OC for the weekend. I live half an hour away from the park, but my place doesn’t have enough room for seven people. Or a bidet. Or a ping pong table (my dad and his “Beer Friends Forever” shirt were the clear winners of this match).

Everything’s better with mouse ears! Also, the best flavor at Nothing Bundt Cakes is white chocolate raspberry. Fight me.

My mom had the time of her life on the teacups! She was a lot less enthusiastic about Space Mountain, but she still got on it against her 60-year-old body’s wishes. Ha.

Obligatory castle shot with Pammie and our mouse ears!

Minnie was excited to greet the birthday girl!

Pops was even more excited to meet Minnie! We were about to take a group shot when my dad jumped ahead without us. My bad, solo pic!

The holiday fireworks were truly magical. Cue the fake snow and real tears of joy. Till next time, Disneyland!

Happy birthday to my beautiful mom! When she came up to LA last weekend to see Bruno Mars again visit me, she came out of my bathroom with condoms from my medicine cabinet and said, “Hey, these expired a month ago!” What would I ever do without her (besides accidentally get pregnant)?

Can’t wait to celebrate 60 years young at Disneyland this weekend ♥

A puppuccino and pupcake for the goodest boy ever ♥

Intense backyard bingo sesh at my grandma’s 87th birthday bash. The pot grew to $200! I should’ve known my jar of laundry money wouldn’t cut it with these broads…

🖤

Birthday beers for Cal and Francis! I’ll let you guess which ones are for Francis LOL. Not gonna lie, some of his might not make it to the party 🍓🍑💦

Christine’s twin babies came early, so their big sister’s 2nd birthday party moved from Chuck E. Cheese to Denise’s backyard. No complaints here!

Can we just go on record and say that I’ve added a flat top grill, fire pit and pool to my list of must-haves for my future home???

I felt like an old lady after thirteen hours at the park and one rough ass ride on the matterhorn, but then I got carded and remembered that I’m still the paragon of youth.

My morning raclette (@ Venissimo – Liberty Station)

The guac is extra, and so is my boss (@ SKX Advertising Dept)

Happiest birthday, Shi! I love you more than I love homemade waffles. And that’s saying a lot.

Celebrating this baby’s mama (@ Liberty Public Market)

Birthdays, BBQ and BYOB (@ Grand Ole BBQ y Asado)

Thanks to everyone who came out last night ♥

Happy 64th birthday to a man of many talents!

Cheers to Alicia’s 36th birthday! 🍻 (@ California Adventure)

I spent 14 hours and $200 at the park, and all I took home was some dole whip cotton candy and a sunburn.

My mom flips bottles better than yours.
I hope I’m half this cool when I’m 58!

Birthday Blue Star Donuts for Mary (@ Venice Canals)

This peanut butter powdered donut with habanero blackberry jam will change your life.

Happy birthday with sprinkles on top! (@ California Donuts)

These donuts were almost as cute as my favorite 4-year-old ♥

Alicia’s birthday with these party animals (@ San Diego Zoo)

Homemade strawberry rhubarb birthday pie for my favorite pie-lover, Jessie!

Recipe from Smitten Kitchen.

Six of us were supposed to vacation in Portland, but new jobs, broken water heaters, half marathons and trips to Japan got in the way. Anthony and I obviously have nothing else going on in our lives, so the two of us spent our birthday weekend traveling the pacific northwest without those clowns!

One thing I love about Portland (and pretty much any other city besides LA) is the public transit system. You can get anywhere by light rail, street car, train or bus! The light rail took us straight from the airport to our hotel downtown for $2.50 (I’ve paid nearly $40 for a cab ride to LAX, and I only live 5 miles away!). What I also love about Portland is the food. OMG, the food. They are known for their food trucks, and our hotel was a couple blocks away from a group of like 20 or so of them at Alder Food Carts. I’ve been wanting to eat at Nong’s ever since I saw her on Chopped, and it was the first of many good meals we had that weekend.

Friday was Anthony’s birthday, and he wanted to go to McMenamins Kennedy School for drinks. It used to be an elementary school, but they converted it into a hotel/brewery. We had drinks in the boiler room, and I got sloppy hoping Jordan Catalano would show up to no avail.

Our friend Mark lives in Portland, and we met up with him for some late night eats at Biwa. He took us to some hipster bar called Bar Bar afterwards where we met some of his designer friends. Apparently, there’s a lot of job opportunities up there! Something to consider while I’m sitting in LA traffic…

Saturday was for snoozing. We slept in and hit up the farmer’s market around noon. When we couldn’t find the Pine State Biscuits booth, we decided to have lunch at Lardo, but not before having some pre-meal crepes at C’est Si Bon. The crepes were a mistake. And so were the donuts that followed at Blue Star. We somehow rolled ourselves back to the hotel and were in a food coma for the rest of the rainy afternoon. Everyone in Portland was watching the Seahawks playoff game, and we slept through half of it.

When we woke up, Anthony left to work out at the hotel gym, and I ventured out on my own to see the Portland Stag Sign without telling him. It’s no secret that I get lost easily, so he decided early on that he would navigate and I was to stay at his 8 o’clock at all times. I tried to take the bus by myself, got off at the wrong stop and found myself in BUMSVILLE. I eventually found my way back to the hotel, but not before Anthony returned from the gym. He was just coming to terms with the idea that I had been abducted when I walked through the door with a bag of hot cheetos and this photo. He was not amused.

I passed by Voodoo Doughnut on my way back. This bum in front threw his half eaten donut on the ground and started following me! I barely escaped with my life.

We had drinks at Whiskey Soda Lounge while we waited for our table at Pok Pok that night. FYI if you’re only going to Pok Pok for their famous wings, you can skip the wait and get them at Whiskey Soda Lounge instead. Or if Portland is too far, you can come visit me when they open a Pok Pok LA this spring 😉 It definitely was everything the internet promised it would be.

Sunday was probably my favorite day, and we didn’t even spend it in Portland! We took an impromptu trip to Seattle and did every touristy thing we could fit into five hours. We ate clam chowder at Pike Place Chowder (and pre-meal empanadas at El Mercado Latino), dodged fish at Pike Place Fish Market, visited the first Starbucks, tested our gag reflex at the Gum Wall in Post Alley, went to the top of the Space Needle, and rode the Great Wheel. And this is where I found out this foolio is afraid of heights. The proof is in the video.

After spending six hours on the train that day, I showered back at the hotel before we met up with Mark and his friends for drinks at Dig a Pony. If I knew we were going to end up at a strip club later that night, I would have waited to shower afterwards! Ha. Apparently, Portland is the strip club capital of America, and no trip is complete without visiting one. Anyway, here are some dollars that Anthony let some girl pick up with her tits while we ate tater tots. No bigs!

Monday was my birthday and our last day in Portland. We had a bloody mary brunch at Tasty ‘n’ Sons, beers at Hopworks Bike Bar, doughnuts at Voodoo Doughnut, and coffee at Stumptown. I was really sick that day (Was it all the public transportation or was it the strip club? Who really is to blame???). I’m still sick two weeks later, so it’s taken me a while to get my life together and update this thing.

When we got back to Anthony’s house that night, Pammie and Christine came over with birthday burritos from Lolita’s! It was a great end to what Anthony refers to as “the time of my life.” He wishes!

Pammie’s birthday brunch (@ Great Maple)

When asked if I want a big ass pickle inside my bloody mary, the answer is always yes.

Who wore it better? (@ Waypoint Public)

DIY Donut Balloons for my favorite 3-year-old!

Tajin margarita (@ James Republic, Long Beach). Happy birthday, Karey!

Where the churros at???

Good advice from the birthday girl who gave me this print last Christmas ♥

Looks like I’ve locked down my birthday plans for 2014! Just kidding. The Golden Globes are also on that night.

You celebrate your own birthday on someone else’s birthday one time, and no one ever lets you forget it! Ha.

Happy 55th birthday to one crazy broad! At her birthday dinner last weekend, our waiter thought that my mom was my sister. He also didn’t card me when I ordered my vodka. #1 How dare you? (I have the face of a goddamn minor!) #2 I hope I look as young as my mom does when I’m in my fifties!

Happy birthday to my favorite hipster ♥

Happy 2nd birthday to my favorite chumbawamba!

Uncle Anthony says that you color like how Auntie Mayan drives (how dare he!), but keep coloring outside the lines, kid… Life’s more interesting that way ♥

Back to the scene of the crime! Birthday shots at Bub’s with the birthday girl last night. It felt good to be home ♥

Dinner and drinks at Whisknladle with my loves last night! 31 feels a lot like 30.

Happy birthday to the oldest 32-year-old I know! Love you, Pammie ♥

Chel’s birthday brunch at Prepkitchen last Sunday!

(Photo courtesy of @instapammie—I was too busy getting served by Anthony to take any pictures! Ha.)

I have exactly one week to learn these dance moves before my grandma’s birthday party.

Chel‘s parties are always pinterest-worthy, and Darien’s first birthday was no exception! Old Poway Park is an awesome place to have a kid’s birthday party (preferably if your kid was born between the months of October and May—I was sweating like a whore in church!).

Here’s a baseball-themed birthday invitation I designed for my favorite little slugger ♥

More from my design portfolio here.

Happy 1st birthday to my favorite chumbawamba!
Your Jim Halpert impression is flawless, kid ♥

Happy 30th birthday to the dirtiest sanchez I know!

Welcome to the club, old whore ♥

My ex invited me to his birthday party next weekend where he plans to resurrect the infamous rocket. I’m pretty sure I left my beer bonging days where I left my ex-boyfriend… in 2005 where they belong!

Million dollar margaritas with Trace last night! Happy birthday and happy Hunger Games! May the odds be ever in your favor 🙂

Christine and the birthday girl before she got kicked out of El Camino last night! Happy birthday, Jessie!

Happy 29th birthday, Gus (that’s short for “Me gusta Jess!”). Enjoy your last year in your twenties! After this, it’s all darkness. Ha!

Since I didn’t instantly turn into a little old troll under a cave when the clock struck midnight on my 30th birthday, I abandoned my original plan to hide under my bed all weekend and celebrated instead:

• Pink champagne to toast my dirtieth at work, courtesy of my boss
• Pammie’s CMYK balloons made my little design nerd heart race
• European Cake Gallery cake with a message from Gloria from Modern Family! Ha. It was just as good as last year’s message from the cast of Saved by the Bell.
• Pizza and beer at Blind Lady Ale House to celebrate Anthony’s, Christine’s, and my birthday week! The only sausage I had that night was the chorizo on my artisan pizza, Shirley May =P
• Moscow mules at El Camino and a Seau sighting at Lucha Libre with Christine, Pammie and Jessie
• I made a wish on my creme brulee and practiced my indoor voice at Donovan’s for Restaurant Week with Pammie, Chel and Shi.

I made it through my 30th birthday relatively unscathed with a little help from my friends and a lot of liquor 😉 Thanks for a great weekend, loves ♥

Dear Anthony,

Thank you for taking me out for beers on your birthday. I was one beer away from jocking you hard into a half mouth kiss. LOLOL. That’s so ugly. My stomach hurts from laughing all night. You really are a beacon for lost souls, if only my own. Happy birthday, friend!

Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.

If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.

Awesome gifts come in awesomely designed packages 😉

I officially have one month left to make some bad decisions. Where did my life go???

Happy birthday to my BFF at work! I didn’t come in an hour early to post-it bomb just anyone’s desk 😉 My appreciation for you runs deeper than your secret love for Hootie and the Blowfish. And I think we both know just how deep that is. Ha!

My favorite band on my favorite sister’s birthday in my favorite sister’s city?!

To celebrate Chel’s 30th birthday, we went to Skateworld to roll bounce the night away! Just kidding. We only skated for an hour, if that. My nearly 30-year-old body was winded after a few laps. Ha.

For one of the most refreshingest mothas on the planet…

Happy 31st birthday to Jay, a dear friend who was dirty long before he was thirty. He also thinks that 31 is the new 21. Please don’t encourage him…

Happy birthday, Skokie!

At Alicia’s dirty thirty last night, I realized that A) I should just automatically assume that every guy who pursues me is in a relationship (as my ongoing track record suggests) and B) maybe I shouldn’t have worn leggings. I can’t even tell you how many people grabbed my ass! I went home alone last night and I’m not gonna lie, I feel pretty good about not having to take a shame shower. I don’t care how hot you are (or how drunk I am), some guys just aren’t worth the trouble… I may have woken up this morning with dollar bills in my bra and a serious hangover, but at least I still had my dignity!

This must be how Reese Witherspoon felt in Pleasantville when she started reading books and stopped being such a whore.

Going to Chez Nous and not getting a spicy chicken melt is like going to Outback and not getting steak. Today, I did both.

My coworker’s husband brought me a fruit salad for lunch instead of my usual spicy chicken melt, and for a delicious second, I thought that the nectarine strips were fries. After work, I went to Outback for Alicia’s birthday dinner and ate grilled fish while everyone (including the 7-year-old sitting next to me) ate steak.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Things I loved about my birthday:

• Sushi at Ra
• 30 Seconds to Mars show with the girls
• Celebrating my 29th with Christine’s 30th!
• The 188.9 miles Pammie drove to spend my birthday with me
• Jessie remembering that I don’t like buttercream frosting
• The laptop desk that Shi and Chel gave me (and the way its microsuede cushion feels on my bare thighs)
• The 1×2" MS Paint printout of my gelaskin that’s arriving in the mail
• The lotto scratchers that Jay gave me and the whopping $14 I won off of them
• The Amazon gift card that Jessie and Christine gave me and the four pounds of protein powder I bought with it
• The dominant homeless woman on 5th Avenue
• The voice mail from my favorite Mexicans singing me happy birthday
• Shi singing “Viva Las Vegas”
• Officer Dick

One year left in my twenties, ya’ll. Hope it’s a good one!

Happy 31st birthday to my old friend Jed, the only person who replied to my Craigslist ad about my dining set:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY — AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

I can also offer 80 bucks but it’s in confederate money. I don’t know if it’s still good.
E-mail me back here. I can pick up anytime today.

I’m still waiting for my picture of a bike. In .jpg format.

You told me I was just like you the other day, and I can’t think of a better compliment ♥

Happy birthday to Phil of @THE_WOCKEEZ and @KNGDMmusic! See you at MUS.I.C in November with @pammie1216, @itschristinebp and @Raepinky16! OBEY SB!

Happy 30th birthday to my dear friend, Gerald. You once bought me these Paul Frank pajama pants I had been eyeballing for Christmas, and I’ve never been able to wear them, because you thought I was a size smaller than I was (which was a gift in and of itself). You were the only one brave enough to teach me how to drive a stick shift, and you were patient with me even after I burned your clutch. You trusted me to watch your fish while you were deployed, and you didn’t hate me when he died. You’re the coolest navy seal I know, and wherever you are in this world, I hope that you’re safe, drinking a Monster, eating some Mike & Ike’s, and reading this wondering why you’re still friends with a person who burned your clutch and killed your fish.

He’s usually a riot when it’s not his birthday. Maybe he has something against party hats?

I’ve made cupcakes for a few of Kristin’s parties, so she asked me to make a Hello Kitty cake for her niece’s birthday. I can make cupcakes in my sleep, but I’ve never actually baked and decorated an entire cake before. I decided to make a practice cake first, just in case I was in over my head.

Isn’t this a pretty kitty? (That’s what she said.) Too bad this cake won’t stay fresh till next weekend! I’ll have to make another one on Friday, and now I’m left with a Hello Kitty cake that I’m not going to eat… How weird would it be if I showed up at my uncle’s retirement party with this thing?

Jay has a tendency to turn his birthday into a month-long extravaganza, but this year he only subjected us to two outings (shocking!). The girls and I are notorious for disappearing during his birthday celebrations every year, and he’ll never let us forget the time we left in the middle of his party for frozen yogurt at Yogotango. Or dinner at Friday’s. Or dinner at The Spot. This year was no different.

This Irish Angel (chocolate cake layered with Bailey’s creme brulee) was totally worth the shit Jay’s going to give us for leaving The Office again this year when he sees the pictures we took of us eating at Heaven Sent Desserts on his camera 😉

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Things I love about Jay:

• He was the first boy who asked me to a high school dance via AOL circa 1998 (there are so many things wrong with this sentence).
• He dresses up as a girl every Halloween.
• He’s more proud than embarrassed about the night that he sharted in public.
• He knows all the lyrics to Debarge’s “Rhythm of the Night.”
• Even though I’m horrible at returning his phone calls, he still considers me one of his dearest friends and treats me like one, too.

Happy birthday, love. See you tonight for your aptly titled “Dirty, Flirty, Hurt Me 30” party!

Jay’s bacon chocolate birthday cake at The Riviera Supper Club!

(App: Hipstamatic / Lens: Kaimal Mark II / Film: Ina’s 1969)