I waited
And waited
Man, am I the greatest
God, I hate it
All my love and patience
Unappreciated

💔

Past Lives has been streaming on Showtime, so I’ll just be here for the next month 💔

Undeniable chemistry and horrific timing. They love each other.

I’ll just be here for the next two weeks 💔

I’ve watched all of these TV shows/movies (Fleabag, La La Land, Normal People, and Past Lives) and can honestly say they’ve all made me ugly cry. The only one I didn’t love was La La Land, but this dream sequence was everything, though 💔

I love Lang Leav 💔

I want you in the worst way
Is the gate code still your birthday?

John Mayer will forever be my guiltiest pleasure.

If you’re not binging Bridgerton, then I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Make haste, y’all!

BRB binging in bed ✌🏼

La La Land was def overhyped, but this dream sequence of what could have been was everything 💔

Preach!

I caught up on seven episodes of How to Get Away with Murder with Pammie over the weekend. I’m dying to know what happens next, but I never watch this show by myself because I get too scared. I can’t wait till I’m home for Thanksgiving to find out who shot Annalise, so someone please come over when the new episode airs this Thursday!

Spoiler Alert: There will be frozen salmon from Costco (it’s the only thing I keep stocked in my fridge because holiday weight) and me with no pants on.

WARNING: This beer is cold af, you guys (@ Wood Handcrafted Pizza)

Same.

I have a growing queue of things I know will make you laugh, and I don’t know where to put them.

afadthatlastsforever:

There are a million ways to bleed. But you are by far my favorite.

shadow-writer:

I’m terrible at both.

At home, at weekends or whatever, it wells up and I can’t handle it. But most of the time I can just about handle it, you sort of have to get through the day.

Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again.

Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I’m heavy, like there’s too much gravity on my heart.

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it’s there, because it can’t hurt, and because what difference does it make?

shadow-writer:

shadow-writer:

If people want to let you go, just let them do it. They may not understand who you are. So don’t play around with fire; don’t give them their cake and let them eat it, too. Here is your rule of thumb: they either commit to you or get none of you.

These are obviously in order from least to most important.

All my favorite vampire couples are breaking up. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the love between immortals. Why even bother setting up an OKCupid profile???

tessism:

STEFAN: How does anyone ever seem to move on?
CAROLINE: I think that someday, you’ll meet someone new, and you’ll fall madly in love, and you’ll have moved on without even realizing it.

yellowbricks:

From the voice of reason ♥
#notyouanthony

Girls = new obsession.

For my sad bears, drunk bears, and #whyareweevenhere bears…
The right person won’t need convincing.

Nahhh, I’m good…

You have nothing. You have a pile of secrets and lies, and you’re calling it love. And in the meantime, you’re letting your whole life pass you by while they raise children, and celebrate anniversaries, and grow old together. You’re frozen in time. You’re holding your breath. You’re a statue waiting for something that’s never going to happen. Living for stolen moments… you keep telling yourself they all add up to something real, because in your mind they have to, but they don’t. They won’t. They never will, because stolen moments aren’t a life. So you have nothing. You have no one.

This is pretty much how the rest of my day went.

#thisiswhyimsingle

BRB dying.

OLIVIA: I wait for you. I watch for you. My whole life is you. I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you. You own me, you control me, I belong to you…

FITZ: You own me! You control me. I belong to you. You think I don’t want to be a better man? You think that I don’t want to dedicate myself to my marriage? You don’t think I want to be honorable? To be the man you voted for? I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep without you. I wait for you, I watch for you. I exist for you. If I could escape all of this and run away with you? There’s no Sally and Thomas here. You’re nobody’s victim, Liv. I belong to you. We’re in this together.

…

I stayed home from work for a couple of days this week… partly because I have the flu, but mostly because I wanted to catch up on Scandal!

I may be a little late to this party, but how awesome is this show???

Mumford & Sons – I Will Wait

And I will wait
I will wait for you

But I believe good things happen everyday. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And I believe on a happy day like today, we can still feel a little sad. That’s life, isn’t it?

You are a souvenir shop, where he goes to remember how much people miss him when he is gone.

At least we still have Kimye.

heartworm, n.
a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

I’m doing it wrong.

All or nothing was bullshit. It never worked out that way. Life was all about taking what you could get when you could get it and surviving when it wasn’t enough.

ROBIN: She’s got you on the hook.
TED: What? I’m not on the hook.
ROBIN: Ted, “right now” is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase.
MARSHALL: Yup. “Right now” paints a picture of some sort of magical future time when everything will work out, but the truth is, that will never happen.
ROBIN: You like having Henrietta around for the same reason that Tiffany likes having you around—it’s a nice little ego boost. She’s stringing you along. She’s not committing to you, but she’s keeping you around just in case, like an old can of chili in the pantry.

Um, who’s buying canned chili and not eating it immediately???

Barnito Supreme speaks the truth.

You can’t save a damsel if she loves her distress…

RUSSELL: Look, Jess, I’ve already done the crazy, explosive passion thing. When I was with Ouli, it was like edging closer and closer to a wood chipper… I’m not looking for that anymore.
JESS: I understand. But I am. And I want passion. Even if it’s harder and hurts more.

Is it just me, or does everyone else’s room get a little dusty whenever they watch google chrome commercials?

Via Slowly, But Shirley:

He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room. About how you’ve never doubted for a second that I’m the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. And I guess he had never felt that way with my mom, even at their best. There’s usually a scene in all my favorite shows that never fails to get me all choked up… like this scene from The Office where they explain how Jim’s feelings about Pam is what caused Pam’s dad to decide to leave her mom. Sometimes getting a taste of how things should be makes you realize you’re in the wrong place…

ROBIN: I am never going to have closure. Okay, closure doesn’t exist. It just… ended. And, no matter how much I try to forget that it happened, it will have never not happened. Don and I will always be a loose end. We will always be—

TED: Unfinished. Gaudí, to his credit, never gave up on his dream. But that’s not usually how it goes. Most of the time it’s just too difficult, too expensive, too scary. It’s only once you’ve stopped that you realize how hard it is to start again, so you force yourself not to want it. But it’s always there. And until you finish it, it will always be…

Charlotte Sometimes is on The Voice! Waves & The Both Of Us got me through some shit with Il Postino years ago! So excited to see her on the show. Now I have a reason to watch besides Adam Levine’s beard (as if that wasn’t reason enough).

Charlotte Sometimes – Pilot
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Charlotte Sometimes – Pilot.mp3]

And when I say that you should stay
Remember what I’m drinking’s cheap
And I’m a pilot and I am steering deep

Goldspot – Rewind
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/GoldSpot – Rewind.mp3]

Quote of the day:

If they will do it with you, they will do it to you.

Dinner with friends turned into an emergency girl boy session at Station Tavern last night. Afterward, I polished off an entire bottle of wine by myself like I was the one hurting! Or… like it was just another Tuesday. Ha.

August was a tough month for love! Hello, September. I hope you’re amazeballs.

The universe is obvi confused about what we want, judging by the excessive amount of emergency girl sessions, tears and vino consumed this past month. So the girls and I wrote our own letters to the universe last night and lit that shit on fire.

We were enjoying some sangria afterward when the man at the neighboring fire pit offered us some brisket. Was the universe answering my letter already? Maybe I should have been more specific when I said I wanted more meat in my life!

Ubiquitous, adj.

When it’s going well, the fact of it is everywhere. It’s there in the song that shuffles into your ears. It’s there in the book you’re reading. It’s there on the shelves of the store as you reach for a towel and forget about the towel. It’s there as you open the door. As you stare off into the subway, it’s what you’re looking at. You wear it on the inside of your hat. It lines your pockets. It’s the temperature.

The hitch, of course, is that when it’s going badly, it’s in all the same places.

‘It was a mistake,’ you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.

Bon Iver – Re: Stacks
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Bon Iver – Re Stacks.mp3]

Everything that happens from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed

You were having a shitty day at work today, so I shared my favorite Bon Iver song with you to make you feel better. And then I found out what you did. Now every time I hear this song, I’ll be reminded of the exact moment you lost me as a friend.

Nothing a bottle of sauv blanc can’t fix… especially when you’re drinking it with your REAL girlfriends.

TOM: Why’d you dance with me?
SUMMER: ‘Cause I wanted to.
TOM: You just do what you want, don’t you?

Clouds part
Just to give us a little sun
There’s a limit to your love

A Fine Frenzy – Ashes & Wine
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/A Fine Frenzy – Ashes And Wine.mp3]

Is there a chance
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel
A reason to fight

I’ve read your entire blog from beginning to end and it made me laugh, cry and everything in between. When I was reading I kept thinking, you’re so honest and you’re not afraid to say what you feel. If I ever bump into you on the streets of SD I would totally give you a big hug and say, Thank you!

Holy balls! Beginning to end??? When I started this blog in 2003, all I talked about was concerts, food and my boyfriend. 8 years later, I’m still blogging about concerts, food and my (now ex) boyfriends! Some things never change…

I feel like I lead a different life on the interwebs, because IRL I’m not this candid. Here, I’m not afraid to admit that I still think about you without feeling like a total idiot… Maybe you’ll read it, but most likely you won’t. It’s easier to say these things when you think that no one is listening.

If you were able to identify with anything I’ve written these past 8 years, then I’m glad you found my blog 🙂

The Warblers – Somewhere Only We Know (Keane Cover)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Glee – Somewhere Only We Know.mp3]

And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go somewhere only we know

dispel, v.
It was the way you said, “I have something to tell you.” I could feel the magic drain from the room.

HENRY: I didn’t want to tell you, because as long as you didn’t know, there was still… I don’t know… some fantasy where you and I could be together.
BETTY: Sometimes we want things to be different. We think maybe if we pretend that they are… fool people… that’s enough. But it never is.

I have a habit of getting addicted to shows after they’ve already been canceled. And I hate when they say, “To be continued…” at the end of an episode, because even when it’s past my bedtime, I have to continue.

Adele – Someone Like You (Live Acoustic)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Adele – Someone Like You (Live Acoustic).mp3]

I heard that you’re settled down
That you found a girl and you’re married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you

The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd; the longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.

Can’t wait to watch Blue Valentine tonight with the girls!

Glee Cast – The Only Exception (Paramore Cover)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Glee Cast – The Only Exception.mp3]

I’ve got a tight grip on reality
But I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here
I know you’re leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream

One of my favorite songs covered by one of my favorite TV shows ♥

(image via plastic-sfoonss)

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn’t all you thought it was. Someone walked into your life, you fell in love, or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe it was a brief moment of insanity.

The BFF told me about Il Postino’s new girlfriend today, and I felt nothing. It’s funny how I always used to find myself running back to him, for some reason, thinking it would work out differently the second third fourth fifth time. And now, I can’t think of a single reason why I’d ever want him back.

Since the first day you reached out to me, I kept searching for hints of the relationship you kept from me. I couldn’t see it in the description of your morning routine or your weekend recaps, but I could feel it in your absent admission to the contrary. I planned to keep quiet and let this fade out, as I do with everything else I feel isn’t worth fighting for. But this was you. And to me, you have always been worth it. So I finally got up the nerve to say,

Are you seeing anyone?

I knew the answer before I even asked the question. I should have asked you this in the beginning, but I convinced myself that you wouldn’t hide something like that from me. Except you did. And while you justified it by not doing anything more than correspond back and forth, the line was already crossed when you first contacted me, and you’ve been on the other side of it ever since.

At least I know that you didn’t just dismiss me as some reckless fling you had when we were younger. I can’t be mad at you for wanting to talk to me, but what was the point of this, other than resurrecting all these memories I haven’t thought about in years? It’s like you just came back to remind me that you still can’t do this. Even if you didn’t know what you were looking to get out of this in the beginning, you made the choice not to tell me about her for months. What did you want from me?

You and I will always have some unfinished business, but eventually, it’ll be as it was. You’ll forget about me. I’ll forget about you.

You’ve been out of my life for years, but somehow your absence is more tangible now than it ever was. How can I miss something I never had?

Well, I’d say I’ve successfully fulfilled my nostalgia quota for the week year.

This trip down memory lane ended at my old friend/ex-love’s 30th birthday party last night. It’s strange to see someone you’ve spent so much of your life with and feel nothing… And to think of someone else you didn’t spend nearly enough time with and feel everything.

(image via thewordsalloverme)