True story. I’m not sure why I have a Google+ account. Most of the gmail contacts they suggest to me are people that I know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with, and the rest of them are craigslisters I’ve risked my life meeting for casual encounters concert tickets. And so I’m left with 7 friends in my circle. I’d ask them what they’re doing for Halloween, but I really have no idea how to use this thing.
Laying out on the beach with the girls in a belated attempt to get a tan this year. In other news, it’s snowing on the east coast. Try not to be too jealous.
Happy birthday to my BFF at work! I didn’t come in an hour early to post-it bomb just anyone’s desk 😉 My appreciation for you runs deeper than your secret love for Hootie and the Blowfish. And I think we both know just how deep that is. Ha!
Whoever said that nothing tastes as good as thin feels has never had a Porto’s cheese roll, obvi. But I didn’t go to the gym at an unholy hour on a Saturday just to offset my workout by inhaling one of these delicious treats… that my aunt brought me from LA… that I probably won’t have again till Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. Or 2012.
Why You Need A Man, Not A Boy | Mindy Kaling via Glamour
Until I was 30, I dated only boys. I’ll tell you why: Men scared the sh*t out of me. Men know what they want. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn’t on the floor. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they’re thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before.
OK, maybe men aren’t exactly like this. But this is what I’ve cobbled together from the handful of men I know or know of, ranging from Heathcliff Huxtable to Theodore Roosevelt to my dad. The point: Men know what they want, and that is scary.
What I was used to was boys.
Boys are adorable. Boys trail off their sentences in an appealing way. Boys get haircuts from their roommate, who “totally knows how to cut hair.” Boys can pack up their whole life and move to Brooklyn for a gig if they need to. Boys have “gigs.” Boys are broke. And when they do have money, they spend it on a trip to Colorado to see a music festival.
Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don’t have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn 30.
So I’m into men now, even though they can be frightening. I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying man. I don’t care if he takes prescription drugs for cholesterol or hair loss. (I don’t want that, but I can handle it. I’m a grown-up too.)
When I was 19, my co-worker Mike took one look at my 21-year-old boyfriend and told me that I needed to date a real man (Mike was 30 with tattoo sleeves on both arms—I’m pretty sure he was talking about himself). Fast forward 10 years, and I’m still not dating real men! Maybe I’ll consider upgrading when I turn 30… in 3 months. Yikes.
To celebrate Chel’s 30th birthday, we went to Skateworld to roll bounce the night away! Just kidding. We only skated for an hour, if that. My nearly 30-year-old body was winded after a few laps. Ha.
There’s an indirect correlation between the amount of work I get done and the number of gchats I have going at any given time. Today is Friday so… you do the math.
This was me after the recent layoffs at work these past few weeks.
Jesse said it was so quiet in the office yesterday that you could hear a mouse fart. My boss let go of half of our marketing team (including the two interns I wasted six months of my life training), and I’ve been given all of their marketing responsibilities. If I have to google how to do one more fucking Excel formula, I might have to cut a bitch. And since no one else is left, it might have to be Jesse. Or that farting mouse.
Loved, loved, loved 50/50… even though my friends totally served me during this scene! Just because my car is a perpetual mess… and we often clean it out when we’re near a dumpster… and I sometimes stalk my ex boyfriends on facebook.
I went home sick from work today. Besides drinking my weight in orange juice, I’ve been staring at this picture of Adam Levine for the past twenty minutes… and probably for another ten.
Since you’re having a bad day today, I’m going to arrange a pizza party with the Ninja Turtles, and you can invite anyone you want to (except for that heifer, April, of course). And all the pizzas will already have the cheese taken off for you, and I won’t even give you shit about it, even though I’ll never understand why you don’t like cheese on your pizza. And you’ll get to eat next to Michelangelo—not because he’s your favorite, but because he’s mine, and I’m willing to share. And before the night’s over, I’ll somehow initiate a dance sequence that involves Vanilla Ice.
Or… you can just give me the social security numbers of the bitches who ruined your day today, and I will ruin their lives for you. It’s your call.
SHI: we were gchatting for five minutes and then he told me he had just gotten out of the shower and was butt naked the whole time he was talking to me! ME: i mean, put some clothes on and then check your email! why was he gchatting naked? SHI: i don’t know, why do you curl your hair naked? ME: i hate you
Yesterday, Antonio invited us to JT’s for karaoke night.
#1 I’m not that kind of Asian and #2 I only go to JT’s for happy hour after (and sometimes during) a shitty day at work! We decided to go anyway, and I actually ended up having a pretty good time. But when I tried to close my tab, they couldn’t find my credit card. Instead, they found a receipt with my name on it and a signature that wasn’t mine! The bartender apologized for giving someone else my card and gave me two free drink tokens for the mishap. Yeah, just because I occasionally drink my lunch there doesn’t mean that two free drink tokens makes up for losing my card… especially since the person they gave my card to used it to pay for their food at Taco Fiesta afterward! FML.
I knew it was a bad omen when we saw that trashy girl at the bar with the dead black front tooth!
Going to Superbrows and letting someone besides Rosie thread your eyebrows is like going to to Viva Brazil and letting someone other than Linda wax your vagina—it’s social suicide!
Rosie is on vacation for two weeks, so I opted to get waxed at my old stomping ground, Vivid Nails. Tiffany wasn’t available, so I let some random woman wax my eyebrows. What was I thinking? She made them crazy thin, didn’t shape them, left a bunch of strays, and the worst part… she kept blowing on my face when she had clearly eaten KFC right before she waxed me. I had to hold my breath the entire time! And now I have to fill in my eyebrows till they start growing back. Boo whore.
It was pretty much the worst decision I’ve made all year. And I’ve made a number of bad decisions this year, so that’s saying a lot.
I’ve had Young the Giant’s In the Open Sessions on rotation all summer, but I’m pretty sure I’ll still be listening to them this fall. And next winter. And when I’m on social security.
After the Bon Iver show last night, Jessie and I met up with Shi, Christine and Antonio at The Local and drank away our sorrows till last call. And then we ate our feelings at Lucha Libre. And then we went home alone and cried ourselves to sleep.
I won’t be able to make it, but there’s a “Party in Pink” zumbathon this weekend that benefits Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Research! Details here if you want to join the party. Dancer’s body optional.
Trace and I got STACKED after work today! Yes, that’s an iPad. And sweet potato fries. And a pretzel bun. And a sunny side up egg. And an ice cream cookie sandwich. And my stretchy pants*
Jessie was able to score us free tickets to SD Beer Fest last night! Shi was the least drunk, but managed to spill the most beer. And had a hard time remembering anything this morning. So… pretty much a regular day for her. Ha.
It probably wasn’t the best idea to drive on gas fumes yesterday. Or offer to give my stranded coworker a ride home when we got off early. Or blast my air conditioning while sitting in traffic for 45 minutes because all the lights were out.
During The Great Blackout of 2011, I was stuck at Anthony’s house with an empty gas tank thinking, This is who I’m spending the end of the world with??? Ha.
Things I learned during the blackout:
Don’t wait till your gas light turns on to fill up
Anthony washes his face with Aveeno Skin Brightening Daily Scrub
All you need in an emergency situation is a bottle of wine, a gas grill, and a friend who knows how to cook
Pammie came down this weekend, so I had a lazy Saturday with her watching movies and making homemade ice cream sandwiches.
I was eating a cookie fresh out of the oven when a scorching chocolate chip fell out of it and burned my bare thigh! Pammie’s response? “And this is why we wear pants…”
Chel sent me this photo and said it made her think of me 🙂
If you ever come over unexpectedly, there’s a good chance I won’t have any pants on. Just kidding. (Even if I was expecting you, I still wouldn’t have any pants on.)
If they will do it with you, they will do it to you.
Dinner with friends turned into an emergency girl boy session at Station Tavern last night. Afterward, I polished off an entire bottle of wine by myself like I was the one hurting! Or… like it was just another Tuesday. Ha.
August was a tough month for love! Hello, September. I hope you’re amazeballs.
Booty Bassment with my favorite ballerinas at the Whistle Stop last night! You can’t see them in the picture, but Antonio and Jessie were doing the bernie while this was going on.
The universe is obvi confused about what we want, judging by the excessive amount of emergency girl sessions, tears and vino consumed this past month. So the girls and I wrote our own letters to the universe last night and lit that shit on fire.
We were enjoying some sangria afterward when the man at the neighboring fire pit offered us some brisket. Was the universe answering my letter already? Maybe I should have been more specific when I said I wanted more meat in my life!
The only thing better than Ryan Gosling in a suit is Ryan Gosling eating pizza in a suit. That slice from Sbarro bumps this animated gif up from a 10 to an 11!
Now who do I have to sleep with around here for someone to seed this Crazy Stupid Love torrent that’s been stuck at 56% for the past three hours???
Jess and I are still sick, so we spent all day Friday watching movies in our underwear, overdosing on Zicam and Emergen-C cocktails, and carbo-loading in preparation for her race today. Yes, I probably didn’t need to carbo-load with her, but what’s done is done.
Congrats on completing the Triple Crown, Jessie! We couldn’t be more proud of you ♥
My only requirement for my next home will be that it has a life-size wind chime swing in the front yard like this one Christine is swinging on at Outside Lands.
The first person to find me this home gets a crisp $5 bill.
If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
Three days of live music wasn’t enough for us, so Jessie and I kept the party going in SD last night at the Death Cab for Cutie show.
Now we’re both sick, and Jess is worried about the half marathon she’s supposed to run this Sunday, while I’m worried about not being able to taste the celebratory beer we’ll both be drinking after she crosses the finish line! Ha. Priorities…
The Joy Formidable – Whirring
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/The Joy Formidable – Whirring.mp3]
I had pizza and beer with Jessie, Shi and Anthony at Pizza Port before heading to The Joy Formidable‘s sold out show at the Belly Up tonight! Anthony was worried that Jessie and I were gonna ditch him for these boys who were supposed to buy Jessie’s extra tickets, but I think we were more worried that Anthony was gonna ditch us for Mike, some guy we had just met at the show who works for Stone Brewing Co. and loves craft beer (like Anthony), plays the drums (like Anthony) for the band Sweet Ever After, and just happens to have the same exact phone as Anthony. When Anthony found out that Mike home brews, his panties fell off and their bromance became official. I mean, am I gonna have to fight Anthony for him???
Quote of the night:
I need to find a new job… one where I can be home by five and drunk by six like you bitches.
– Anthony
I’m actually home by 5:30… but I’m still drunk by six :p
It’s hard to complain about exercising with a view like this…
Yesterday, I hiked at Torrey Pines with Shi, and I was DYING. I haven’t worked out in… what month is it now? My exercise ball has been sitting in the backseat of my car as a constant reminder that I haven’t worked out since Arlene moved to Monterey. I weighed myself yesterday to assess the damage, and I’ve only gained 6 pounds, surprisingly. I was expecting upwards of 15 or 20, but I guess it’s hard to tell if my clothes are fitting tighter when I’ve been getting all this mileage out of my leggings! Ha. I’m finally back on the grind, though. Arlene pretty much threatened my life before she left town, and I don’t doubt she would cut me if I gained back all that weight she helped me lose.
My goal is to look better at 30 than I did at 21. Considering I wore brown chola lip liner when I was 21, I’d say this goal may have already been reached. Ha.
When it’s going well, the fact of it is everywhere. It’s there in the song that shuffles into your ears. It’s there in the book you’re reading. It’s there on the shelves of the store as you reach for a towel and forget about the towel. It’s there as you open the door. As you stare off into the subway, it’s what you’re looking at. You wear it on the inside of your hat. It lines your pockets. It’s the temperature.
The hitch, of course, is that when it’s going badly, it’s in all the same places.
Yesterday was the perfect ending to my far from perfect week. I had lunch at Influx (where a ham & brie croissant melt #1 could turn anyone’s day around), witnessed sweaty eye candy at the Und1sputed Ones soccer game, and finished the night off at Blind Lady Ale House with pizza, beer and my girls. And some random dude who joined us at our table. And put his hand on my knee.
The fact that I even mentioned the random dude who put his hand on my knee as one of the highlights should be an indication of how shitty my week really was.
Liberty Station’s Summer Movie Mania night consisted of Mona Lisa sandwiches, wine, brie, Jessie’s brownies, my favorite girls, and Tom Cruise before his crazy couch jumping days.
Quote of the night:
Who needs a boy to keep you warm when you’ve got wine?
There was no doubt that I woke up in a dude’s apartment this morning. Thirty or so empty craft brew bottles lined the mantle behind me. There was an outdoor patio set in the dining room, complete with a hole in the table for the absent umbrella. And to top it all off, my friend’s roommate offered me packets of ketchup to eat for breakfast. Ha! At least he made me coffee first.
Jesse and I agreed that if it wasn’t for my vagina, we’d have a serious bromance going on.
Bon Iver – Re: Stacks
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Bon Iver – Re Stacks.mp3]
Everything that happens from now on
This is pouring rain
This is paralyzed
You were having a shitty day at work today, so I shared my favorite Bon Iver song with you to make you feel better. And then I found out what you did. Now every time I hear this song, I’ll be reminded of the exact moment you lost me as a friend.
Yesterday, I brought my lunch and gym clothes to work.
My untouched ground turkey is still sitting in the fridge because Mary and I had 25¢ wings at JT’s instead, and my unused gym clothes are still neatly folded in the trunk of my car because Christian wanted to go to happy hour.
My work’s proximity to the bar is clearly foiling my plans to eat better and work out.
So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys—to woo women—and, in that endeavour, laziness will not do.
We took family photos at Coronado Beach this weekend for my grandma’s 80th birthday. I’ll spare you the images of me and my 40+ Asian relatives in our clichéd blue jeans and white tops, and instead leave you with this gorgeous sunset.
Should I consider it a warning sign that my manager sent me this coupon? I still haven’t decided whether I’m offended or secretly grateful! Ha. In her defense, she met her boyfriend on Match.com.
As much as I hate having to charm my way into free drinks at bars, I just can’t bring myself to meet a guy in a place where 15% off coupons are accepted.
Padres game and entirely too much beer and sangria swirl margaritas for a Thursday night with Christine, Jessie and Christian. We scored free tickets to the game, but I def paid for it the next day at work! Holy hangover.
I had Sunday brunch, bloody marys and breakthroughs at The Tractor Room with Jessie, Christine and Pammie, or shall I say “Can’t Commit” Mary, Mama Rosa Mary and The TJ Mary—I’ll let you guess who’s who 😉 I’m The Drunk Clam Mary, obvi.
me: i need a serious eyebrow waxing pammie: you tell me you need something serious every time i see you
a serious eyebrow waxing
a serious hair cut
a serious cheeseburger
(looks at my eyebrows)
ooh. you DO need a serious eyebrow waxing. me: seriously, right?
Still recovering from the craziness and amazingness that was Friday night, Christian and I took it easy on Saturday with some hookah, a two-drink limit, and Lucha Libre surf ‘n’ turf.
Gaslamp one weekend, PB the next… Seriously, who am I right now? I’m pretty sure my next stop will be an intervention with my family and friends—I’m not talking about the pool party at the Hard Rock Hotel, either (although at this point, it’s a valid assumption).
I went to work yesterday morning, had happy hour (and a $200 tab according to my bank account!) at JT’s with my coworkers afterward, never made it home or to The Casbah as planned with Jessie last night, and woke up this morning in my coworker’s apartment.
Contrary to the last time I went out with all my work friends (AKA my manager’s drunken birthday disaster of 2008), I’m pretty sure we’ll all still be speaking to each other on Monday! Ha.
Shi: I like this new Salvador film for the Hipstamatic app me: (looking at her iPhone) Ooh. Like Salvador Dali. Shi: Who? me:Salvador Dali. The artist? That’s his mustache. Shi: I don’t know who that is… I thought it was a bathing suit top!
I usually avoid the Gaslamp at all costs, but I found myself there two nights in a row with Christian and his friends this past weekend. I don’t even know who I am right now, but I’ve been full of surprises lately.
The only way this kid could be any cuter is if I had somehow gotten involved 😉
I finally got to meet my new best friend today! I was planning on visiting him yesterday, but my mom got sick and was rushed to the hospital. She’s still there and not doing any better, so I hope you all send some good juju our way…
Around this time last year, I was at Chel’s bachelorette party getting tequila licked off my chest, and today she’s a new mommy. Life moves so quickly around here.
