Errol: our boxing coach puts a 20 pound medicine ball on your lower back so you don’t put your butt up when you’re doing planks
Me: dude i totally put my butt up when it gets hard
Errol: that’s what she said!

I got my sexy new monitor at work today:

Jesse: all the girls were gushing when belle & jen got their flowers & balloons & shit
Me: oh for fuck’s sake… good thing i was off on monday
Jesse: it was pretty barftastic… not that we’re bitter or anything
Me: pfffft. who needs a man when i have 27″ right here in my face?

Is this where I’m going to die?

I’m pretty sure Arlene tried to kill us last night.

Slowly but Shirley via email:

Hi love… I saw this pic and thought of you. Since you were all about those upside down animals in your blog. And this dog TOTALLY reminded me of you. I mean… how many times have I seen you in this position anyway? In your short shorts that might as well be underwear!? Hahhaha =)

#1 How dare you? Shorts, by definition, are short! It’s in the name.
#2 I’m totally in this position right now as I type this in my underwear.

This really did cheer me up today 🙂 Thanks, babeway ♥

I always thought I inherited my winning personality from my crazy mom, but now I’m not so sure.

Working with people who get my pop culture references is the only thing that helps me keep my sanity—especially on days like this when I have to finish four newsletters and three homepage banners in one week because this Monday is a holiday, and deadlines don’t care about your scheduled days off (even if they’re unpaid).

Pammie, Shi, Anthony and I went to Chel’s house last night to help her with wedding stuff. Chel asked me to design her wedding invitations, and I couldn’t be more honored 🙂 She has 300 guests and is trying to keep the wedding costs down. It’s a good thing I work for lychee sake and tator tots.

The Cake Boss asked me to go out to some bar my friends were spinning at, McLovin’ texted me at an unholy hour, and I even had a brief exchange with Il Postino last night. When it rains, it pours I guess. There’s no where in the world I’d rather be than with these crazy bitches, though. God forbid I miss conversations like this…

Anthony: I was texting Chel about your website, and she got really annoyed because I kept calling it your “page”…
Chel: It’s called a blog. Stop calling it that.
Anthony: Whatever, I’ll call it her pagina if I want to.
Chel: Oh, is that what you were calling it? Page in spanish? All this time I thought you were texting me pagina. Like vagina with a p!

Le’sigh… Never a dull moment 🙂

(image via ffffound)

Jesse: You’re such a dork
mayanrocks: says the guy with the cheese wax pyramid on his desk!
Jesse: Hey, that’s artistry you philistine!
Jesse: I need to buy more yellow Babybels to accent the sides
mayanrocks: …
Jesse: God, I’m such a dork

Anthony: So I was talking to this guy I know who went to your high school…
mayanrocks: What’s his name?
Anthony: He’s just some Mexican guy. Anyway, I asked him if he knew you and he said no, so I asked him if he knew Pam and he said that he did. I told him that you were Pam’s sister and he said, "Wait… Does Pam’s sister have really big boobs?"
mayanrocks: Seriously WTF! Who is he?
Anthony: You don’t need to know his name. Just know that you have really big boobs.

Because I didn’t know that before??? Thanks for nothing, Antho. I love that people don’t remember my name, but they remember my breasts. Eyes up, boys.

Shi: How do you like your eggs?
mayanrocks: in a poke
Shi: Of course you do!
mayanrocks: egg in a poke is an egg fried in the middle of bread, cochina
Shi: I thought it was something else… Everything’s always gotta be nasty with you!

Ask Mayan about her banana bread.

Even though Jay made me tell this story six times in one night, I thought I would post this on the interwebs, so it never has to be repeated again!

Okay so I decided to bake some banana nut bread the day before everyone came over for ABDC night.. Have you ever had my banana nut bread? It fixes things in the universe FYI. I had enough batter for two loaves and only one pan, so I had to bake them one at a time…

The first one came out perfecto, but the second one… not so much:

I put it in the oven, fell asleep, and woke up the next day. True story. I have the petrified loaf in my cupboard to prove it. I was going to throw it away, but Jay insisted I save it so that I could look at it every now and then to remind myself that I’m not that cool.

Don’t think it was a mistake that I moved into the unit nearest to the only fire extinguisher in my apartment building.

mayanrocks: I can’t believe I did that. Can you believe it???
Chel: Actually… I can believe it.

Sad times.

EO: just know mayan
EO: you are a GEM
EO: like so super rare
EO: that when that guy finds you
EO: he’ll feel like he struck gold
EO: it’s puzzling to me
EO: how he could fuck up a great thing
EO: you be you
EO: you’re fan-fuckin-tabulous… know that also
EO: like i dont know anyone else that plays poker… and when it’s their turn… instead of saying “call”… they say “queen-jack!”
EO: lol!
mayanrocks: oh hell no

Eric: I saw a movie this weekend that I think you’d really like.
mayanrocks: yeah? which one…
Eric: Moolade
mayanrocks: i do like cows. and lemonade. is that what it’s about?
Eric: Sort of. It’s a manifesto against the genital mutilation of girls in Africa.
mayanrocks: ok what.

…

Apparently, I’m putting some kind of vibe out there that makes people think I’d enjoy the mutilation of African genitals.