» Useless.
Posted on March 20th, 2008 in mayanisms

I’ve come to realize that I am useless in emergency situations.

I thought about it when I went biking downtown with my friends the other weekend… Trace and I were trailing behind, talking, and I was pedaling too fast. I kept bumping her tire on accident, and I was scared that I was going to make her fall, so I just let go of the handle bars and dove into the grass nearby. It didn’t occur to me until I was face down in the grass that all I had to do to avoid falling was put my feet down. Duh. God forbid, I blow a tire on the freeway. Yesterday, I experienced a far more serious emergency and pretty much confirmed my inability to function during a crisis. I was at work and it was almost time to leave. I heard this moan followed by a loud bang, so I got up from my seat and looked over my cubicle thinking my co-worker had fallen out of his chair. Instead, I found him hunched over his desk having a seizure and staring directly at me, helpless. I just stood there in horror, unable to move or call for help. Fortunately, my other coworkers did more than just stand there like idiots and were able to get an ambulance there within minutes. You should never hang out with me alone. I will obviously be of no help to you in an emergency.

In all this hoopla, I almost forgot that I left my iPod at the gym over the weekend. And that I had to buy another iPod—my third in three years (the first one destroyed in the great purse disaster of 2005). I forgot that I lost 6,000 songs. And that all my pictures from Hawaii were on that iPod. And that someone is out there listening to my Baby Makin’ playlist and looking at unedited photos of me in a bathing suit.

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