I doordash and instacart pretty frequently. I always choose ‘contactless delivery’ and my instructions are very clear: The name of my apartment building (it’s literally the name of the street and cross street I live on), the temporary access code I assigned them to get into my building and use the elevator – the building has multiple entrances, all needing that code, and I list which streets those entrances are located on and which restos they’re directly across from depending on where they’re able to find parking – my apartment # and clear instructions to leave the items at my front door on my door mat.

I would say about half of my doordashers and instacart shoppers don’t know how to navigate my very clear instructions. I usually order my groceries from the Albertson’s that is literally across the street from my apartment. Ain’t nobody got time to feel for good fruit or lug cases of water up 4 floors! This girl had trouble finding my apartment and kept chatting with me. I’m like, ‘Google Maps the address. It’s literally across the street from where you got my groceries.’ Then she said the code wasn’t working to get in the building. I’m like, ‘Are you pressing the # key after the numbers? That’s part of the code.’ I don’t hear from her for another 15 minutes, then I get a ring notification that someone’s at my front door. She doesn’t follow my instructions to just leave the groceries on the door mat, instead she rings my doorbell and wakes up my dog who’s sleeping. It took her so long to find my damn apartment, it’s nearly 11pm. I open my Ring app and see her just standing there holding my groceries. I text her, ‘Leave the groceries on the door mat.’ I cannot, man. I tip very well, and all that I ask is you follow instructions. Needless to say, I gave her a 1-star review so she won’t be assigned to any of my future orders, but I let her keep my tip.

I got this other instacart shopper today – I literally just ordered 3 things from the Albertson’s across the street. She kept messaging me bc she couldn’t find the entrance (it’s across the street from where you just bought my groceries and right next to the entrance to the dog daycare as stated in my directions). Then she said the code wasn’t working – I feel like Gen Z doesn’t know what the pound key is and just presses the numbers even though there’s a # in the code. It’s not a fucking hashtag! She sent me like 10 messages while I was trying to feed my dog, watch the Padres get murdered by the Dodgers, and eat my dinner that the doordasher had no trouble delivering. I was v irritated, and her name just pissed me off even more – Samountha.

I dated this guy once who delivered mail at the post office (who briefly became my parents’ mailman during Covid, over a decade after we were together) and I remember asking him, ‘Isn’t it hard to memorize all those routes and addresses?’ and he said, ‘If you can’t do that, maybe you shouldn’t be a mailman.’ Maybe some people shouldn’t work in food delivery if they don’t have a sense of direction or common sense ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m the kind of girl who Google Maps any destination when I’m driving, even my childhood home that my parents have lived in for nearly 40 years – not bc I don’t know how to get there, but bc of unforeseen traffic and road closures. When I was in art school, I had a full-time job, so I only took night classes. I left a book that I needed for class at my parents’ house, so I went there after work before going to class. On my way back to school, I got stuck on the 125 for 3 hours bc some girl was threatening to jump off an overpass and commit suicide. I missed my whole class, and all bc I didn’t Google Maps directions. It would’ve told me to avoid the 125 and take another route. So I just Google Maps everything now.

P.S. I doordashed Panda Express for dinner (that should tell you what kind of day I’m having), and I just opened my fortune cookie and it was empty. Am I ‘cooked’, as the kids say? 😅