What, your friends don’t send you pics of their husbands? 🤣

Also, you can always count on Christine for the two finger zoom in LOL.

I hate when people do those “What’s in my bag?” videos on TikTok (like, nobody cares). So since literally no one asked me, here’s what’s in my concert bag:

• MOMSIV clear crossbody bag
• Ikea coin purse
• Burt’s Bees Strawberry Lip Balm
• Coach sunglasses
• IPhone with Burga Almond Latte phone case

I got this bloody bath mat partly because I almost slipped and broke my neck after my shower, but mostly because I’m morbid as hell. Should I get this shower curtain set to complete the look???

Yeah, I don’t know why I’m single, either ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just need to find someone I can be myself around 🤣

Is this what a hurricane looks like???

I was supposed to see Young the Giant tonight. Yesterday, Pammie was like, “At least the show is indoors. And I was like, “It’s at the Open Air Theater. It’s in the open air.” The show was supposed to be rain or shine, but I guess a hurricane changes things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My sister will be in Hawaii the week it’s rescheduled for. Anyone want to see Young the Giant with me??? My seats are in AAA and here’s the setlist if that helps sway you at all.

Update: I’m going to the rescheduled show with my friend’s husband 🤣 (I know he likes this band, and I asked my friend first! Plus I would never, partly because it’s Francis Lansang, but mostly because I know Christine can kick my ass LOL).

It’s two in the morning
I don’t need nobody else
But you’re my tragedy
Please don’t make me say it
Cult of personality

I got this alert while looking at dog videos on instagram. Am I the only one not taking this storm seriously???

My parents are in France right now, and instead of sending us pics of delicious food they’re eating and beautiful sights they’re seeing, my mom is sending us pics of the dogs she’s meeting. This is my future LOL (JK, I’m already like this).

Nori and I used to frequent Mendocino Farms for lunch, but parking was always a nightmare at The Point, and we haven’t gone back since there was a romaine shortage and they substituted shredded lettuce in our Modern Caesar 2.0 salads. We’re petty like that 😂

What I miss most about Mendo is the Superfood Krunchies they top all their salads with. I recently found these Cereausly Crispies on Amazon (ain’t nobody got time to toast their own quinoa!), so I had to get some and make myself a salad.

I accidentally forgot to update my address on instacart, and all my salad accoutrements got delivered to my parents’ house. They’re on a European cruise right now, so my sister had to drive my ass to their house to pick up my perishables. That’s what I get for trying to be healthy 😅

Hawaii is one of my favorite places to vacation, and I’m so saddened by the wildfires happening in Maui right now. Chel shared this google doc with links to directly help families that have been affected. Please donate if you can!

Seeing you tonight
It’s a bad idea, right?
Seeing you tonight
Fuck it, it’s fine
Yes, I know that he’s my ex
But can’t two people reconnect?

Olivia Rodrigo gets me 😆

Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you’re doing now
How’s the castle built off people you pretend to care about?
Just what you wanted
Look at you, cool guy, you got it

So when you gonna tell her
That we did that, too?
She thinks it’s special
But it’s all reused
That was our place, I found it first
I made the jokes you tell to her when she’s with you

I hope you’re happy
I wish you all the best, really
Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me
And think of me fondly when your hands are on her
I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies
Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew
That you’d talk to her, maybe did even worse
I kept quiet so I could keep you

All the things I did
Just so I could call you mine
All the things you did
Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

The girls were talking about air tagging their kids, and I was telling them about this Manhattan Beach woman I used to see missing flyers for. She went to LACMA with her husband, used the bathroom and then wandered off. Since she had Alzeimer’s, I was saying how she should’ve had an air tag on her or a way for someone to track her. They ended up finding her bones years later. When I was telling the story, they could see how delighted I was, and they were like, “Doesn’t all this true crime put you in a dark place?” I’m like, “You guys, I’m already there!” 😈

My friends are the best 🙃 Most of my responses have been redacted to keep up the illusion that I’m a nice person 😅

Everybody’s like
“He’s no item”
“Please don’t like ’em”
“He don’t wife ’em”
“He one nights ’em”

20 years later, and I still rock 🤣

I started mayanrocks.com back in 2003 when I was 21, and I just blogged about my exes, concerts and food. 20 years later, I’m still blogging about exes, concerts and food!

Thanks to my 3 followers for sticking by me after all these years LOL.

When we were doing sake bombs at Yokohama Yakitori Koubou last weekend, Shi raised her shot and was like, “To the next step!” And Christine was all like, “What’s the next step?” And Shi was like, “The next step is death!” 🤣

I thought she was gonna cry when she told us about her son potty training and refusing to poo and her daughter almost getting sex trafficked at Sesame Place. Do we need to have an intervention, Shi??? Be honest 😅

I wanna get lost with you
And hide out, out under the light of the moon
I wanna get lost with you
And see what it’s like to spend a whole night with you, just you

I just scored tickets to Jason Mraz’s FREE SHOW at The Shell!

Cedrik Lorenzen videos and cackles at dinner with the girls last night ♥️

They had my most favorite cookie flavor and the first Crumbl cookie I ever tried (Mom’s Recipe), so I had to.

I gotta stop hanging out with my friends’ husbands LOL.

Morning View is my favorite Incubus album, and they’re re-recording it and performing it in its entirety at the Hollywood Bowl in October.

Action Bronson and Paris Jackson are opening, though. Was Hoobastank unavailable? 😂

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
You’d better bend before I go
On the first train to Mexico

Do they serve both of these things??? Asking for a friend.

We went to Texas for a wedding once and decided to try What-A-Burger. We were all almost done with our food, and Shi hadn’t gotten hers yet and all she ordered was cheese fries! When they finally brought out her order, it was a box of fries with a slice of cheese still in the wrapper on the side 🤦🏻‍♀️

My boyfriend at the time got a speeding ticket driving back to SD (we were in our twenties and too poor to fly), Chel and her then-boyfriend got into a fight while we were there, and the couple who got married are now divorced. The whole trip was terrible LOL.

I also have to agree with crzylop77. You get better burgers from AM/PM 🤣 I’d choose In-N-Out over What-A-Burger every time, but as far as burger chains go, I like Shake Shack the best.

Update 5/11/2024: We were talking to a girl at Innings Fest, and she was from Texas, so we told her about our wack ass What-A-Burger experience, and she was like, “In Texas’ defense, cheese fries is a fairly new concept for them.” LOL.

I used to watch Pee-wee’s Playhouse every Saturday morning when I was a kid, and I only know what the Alamo is because Pee-wee’s bike was hidden in the basement in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure LOL.

R.I.P. Paul Reubens 💔

Partly because it’s Harry Potter’s birthday, but mostly because I wanted some chocolate cake 😆

If you thought I was gonna have wings on National Chicken Wing Day, you weren’t wrong (@ Buffalo Wild Wings)

The theme song for Evil Lives Here is easily the most perfect and creepiest intro music.

Can someone go to my apartment and make sure there’s no mold growing in my portable A/C unit? 😅

I laughed when I saw this clip because I used to drive by this baseball store on my way to get my brows done called Hitter’s House, and the first time I saw it, I had to do a double take because I thought it said “Hitler’s House” 🤣

P.S. My brow lady in LA probably thinks I’m dead since I used to see her every six weeks for the past decade, and I haven’t seen her since the incident. (Don’t worry, I’ve been going to my sister’s eyebrow threader in SD for the past six months, so my shit’s groomed.)

🤣🤣🤣

Update 8/5/2023: My brow lady texted me this morning to make sure I was okay. I told her I’d see her once I was back in LA. Get you a brow lady who checks up on you LOL. Ask for Devi at Ziba in Torrance!

Who needs Din Tai Fung reservations???

I ordered these dumplings from MìLà (if you advertise on instagram using a celebrity endorser and offer free shipping if I spend a certain amount, I can be easily swayed to buy anything).

I also made some cucumber salad, garlic green beans and sesame noodles (Pammie’s favorite) in case our dinner wasn’t Asian enough.

You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life

I love Kevin Garrett so much (okay, and Shania, too). He’s one of my favorite people to see live ♥️

I was working on my bed (also where I ate my breakfast and lunch today LOL) and I thought I kicked my pill box from my side table, but I was like, “Why do my legs feel wet?” and I turned around and straight up gasped. I kicked my protein shake (which I pour over ice and drink out of a Starbucks cup with a straw so it feels like I’m having an iced coffee from there) and it spilled all over my white sheets and seeped into the mattress.

Luckily, I already had this stain remover from the last time I spilled at Pammie’s house, and it lifted it right out 😅 IDK what to tell you, I love tummy time and I’m a clumsy ass bitch ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I found the smallest hopscotch ever on my walk, and it was so small, I almost fell trying to do it 😅

When I saw this hopscotch, I thought of this video, because a child obviously drew it 🤣

I got my bloodwork results back and everything was excellent. My rheumatologist said, “Your labs look good!” and to that I say, “But I’m hungry all the time.” 😅

At this point, why even create a Tinder profile???

I love Michelle Buteau. She was the host of season 2 of Barbecue Showdown and she has a hilarious new show on Netflix, Survival of the Thickest. Before this, I’d seen her in a number of romcoms where she played the sidekick or a minor B character. I’m so glad she’s finally starring in her own show!

When my speech therapist suggested I read a book out loud to help with my voice (pretty much the only thing still noticeably affected by the strokes), I amazon primed Michelle Buteau’s book so fast.

Redondo Beach News Update, I can’t take your emails seriously when you allow Kim K. to buy ad space on them…

I feel seen. Don’t judge me!

What, you don’t keep your used needles in a frozen margarita pop container???

One time, a friend asked me if I had any gum and I only had candy-flavored gum—Sour Patch Kids Gum and Starburst Gum. He was like, “Are you an adult???” LOL I’m really not.

I’ve been looking forward to having Grimace’s birthday meal all week, but the Mcdonald’s nearby stopped selling it already (I had a to do some bloodwork today, so of course I got a cheeseburger and fries afterward).

This is pretty much how my first day back at work went. Also, I couldn’t remember any of my credentials 😅  I’ve never had to update so many passwords. It’s a good thing the new Local Natives album just came out, because it’s the only thing that got me through this day.

Lifted up, lifted up, lifted up
No, I don’t care about any of that now
It’s all been put behind
It’s falling through the cracks
Lost somewhere between
Where I was and wanna be now

Local Natives was the last band I watched live in LA. I had front row balcony tickets at the YouTube Theater at SoFi, and they didn’t sell enough tickets, so they closed the balcony and made everyone sit on the bottom floor. Except they didn’t tell anyone till they got there and already paid $40 for parking, so my seats were shitty because I skipped the opener and got there later and everyone had gotten their seats reassigned and were standing so I had to stand the whole time around these obnoxious people who talked through the entire show. I usually see Local Natives whenever they have a show in LA, and they had three shows at Hollywood Forever Cemetery after that (a venue that I love), but I was still mad about the YouTube show, so I refused LOL. It’s been a year, so I’m over it now. This new album is really good, so I might see them at The Sound when they close out their tour in San Diego.

This reminds me of the time my grandma was sick and she kept saying, “Take me now, Lord!” so my mom took her to the hospital. After she was better, my mom was all like, “Do you still want the lord to take you now?” 🤣

I can’t believe I go back to work tomorrow. I haven’t worked since the incident, but my work only covers health benefits for 6 months of medical leave, so I have to go back so my benefits don’t lapse. Time sure flies when you’ve had a couple of minor strokes 😅

Powerball and Mega are both up. Anyone want to quiet quit go halfsies on a lotto ticket with me???

Update 7/16/2023: No one has won Powerball or Mega 😬 My coworker was like, “If I won the lotto, I’d probably still work,” and I was like, “If I won the lotto, you’d never see me again!” I used to think that I couldn’t not work, but after 6 months of not working, it turns out I totally can 😅

I once went to Dominique Ansel Bakery in NYC, walked right in and some guy was like, “Ma’am, there’s a line” and I looked and there was a whole ass line outside the bakery 🤣 I guess I wasn’t the only one who wanted a cronut 20 years ago! When I saw there was a Dominique Ansel inside Caesars Palace, I had to brave the 105° weather and go.

Their July cronut is blueberry jam with graham cracker ganache and it was sooo good! The best cronut I’ve had before this was at Kettle Glazed in Hollywood, but this one knocked it out of the park. I mean, Dominique Ansel invented the cronut…

I have a view of the new MSG Sphere from my room at The Palazzo and it’s incredible! I’m def gonna come back and go to a show there.

me: Are the fries at The Counter skinny or big?
Dennis: They’re skinny like you.
me: Skinny fries are my favorite! Okay I’m not gonna go to dinner with you guys when we get to Vegas. It’ll be after 9pm and I’ll be sleeping LOL. I’m just gonna grab something at the airport.
Dennis: I lied before. The Counter’s fries are big. Now you have to eat dinner with us!
me: Joke’s on you. I like ALL fries!

I love a good french fry, and Eater came out with The Top 10 French Fries in LA. I’ve been to 3/10 of those places (Majordomo, République, and Father’s Office). Anyone want to eat some french fries with me???

One last hurrah before I go back to work on Monday ✌🏼

I’ve always wanted to make this Strawberry Pretzel Salad (“a favorite dessert at many white trash gatherings” according to this website). It’s now a favorite dessert at Asian gatherings, and I’ll def be making it again!

These S’mores Cookie Bars lets you have s’mores (my favorite) without the campfire.

I cut up some fresh fruit to confuse my body.

Pammie’s rooftop is my favorite place to watch fireworks. She has a perfect view of the Olympic Training Center.

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

I got hot sauce in my bag, swag

– Beyoncé, “Formation”

• TOPS Malibu Single Wish Sparkler
• TOPS Malibu Confetti POP!
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• Sugarfina Baby Whales
• Charms Blow Pops
• Kool-Aid Dippers
• Pelon Pelo Rico
• Dulces Vero Pica Fresa
• Tajín Clásico Chile Lime Seasoning Mini Bottle
• Pocket Sriracha Keychain
• Furikake Chex Mix
• American Flag Sunglasses
• 4th of July Bubble Wands

They’re like the goodie bags my friends give out at their kids’ birthday parties, only better (plus you don’t have to fight any kids for the Mexican candy after they hit it out of the piñata).

If you want more Furikake Chex Mix, you can find my sister’s husband at the Otay Ranch Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays. He says he’s gonna sell it there 🤣

Happy 4th! 🇺🇸

Last full moon before I go back to work next week (remotely).

Buck Moon, do your thing ✨

1. Nope, in fact I make it a point to eat with people who don’t have dietary restrictions (vegan, gluten-free, etc.)
2. I have toxic exes, but none of them have “the” or “official” in their IG handle. One of them live tweets, though (which is equally horrendous in my eyes). Does that count???
3. I used to go to the Hermosa Beach Farmers Market on Fridays for the chili dog guy and one time he was grilling hash browns next to the hot dogs and I was like, “Ooh, can I have a side of that?” and he was like, “This is my lunch.” 🤣 The stall next door has delicious pluots (plum apricots) in the summer, but I don’t have a pluot guy.
4. I use maps for everything to avoid traffic in LA. Also, I never remember street names. If a landmark changes visually, I’m screwed LOL.
5. My parents think I design shoes at Skechers, but I’m a web designer there.
6. I do want to adopt a dog, but I haven’t yet…
7. My favorite billboard lawyer is Sweet James (The Beard of Justice).
8. My regular chiropractor is in Manhattan Beach, but I did used to see a nutritionist in Santa Monica 😅 And I once sold something on letgo to a douchebag from Santa Monica who called it “SaMo.”
9. This guy moved into my building and put candy and a one-page intro to him and and his dog on everyone’s door. I was like, “Does he know he moved to LA??? We don’t talk to our neighbors here” 🤣 (unless it’s to bang on their door after midnight to tell them to turn their fucking TV down).

I moved to LA over a decade ago, and I still don’t consider myself an Angeleno!

…or me whenever my sister tells me I should go on a walk or do my Breather exercises that my speech therapist told me to do. Basically, I don’t like any kind of exercise LOL. She’s always like, “You should be grateful you can still move and talk!” especially after her coworker told her that her cousin who’s the same age as me had a stroke and died. Ok fine, I’ll go on a walk and do my breathing exercises… *grumbles*

My sister lives in the Millenia community of SD, and she pays over $600 a month in HOA fees! We go on a walk everyday, and there’s trash and cigarette butts everywhere (even though there are public trash cans all over the place!). She got so tired of seeing the trash that she amazon primed a grabber tool and takes it on our walks now. She filled an entire trash bag today! What’s the point of paying so much for an HOA if they don’t even maintain the common areas??? She brought one trash bag with her, and I was like, “You should have three bags—one for trash, one for recycling and one for composting.” And she was like, “I ain’t trying to save all the world’s problems.” 🤣

When we first started going on our walks in January, there was this Muchas Gracias plastic bag stuck in a nearby tree for weeks until one windy ass day.

I usually see this dog on my walk (who I call “Thierry Henry,” after the French pundit on Ted Lasso), but he’s always perched on the 2nd floor balcony. I looked for him up there, but today he was staring at me through the window in the front door 🤣

Yesterday, I ran into Chico on my walk, and learned his name is actually Tharu! The owner’s sister was walking him and didn’t know why her brother named him “Tharu” or what it meant. I looked it up, and according to wikipedia, Tharu is an ethnic group indigenous to southern Nepal and northern India (or a Volkswagen Taos in China). His family is Latino, so I doubt it means any of those things. I like “Chico” better, so I’m gonna keep calling him that behind his back. Whenever I ask my sister’s husband if he’s seen Chico (every day), he tells me to please get my own dog LOL.

Baby, worship my hips and waist
So feminine with grace
I touch your soul when you hear me say
“Boy, let me be your woman”

Doja Cat is touring this fall! Who’s coming with???

#TBT to that time I almost got into a fight at a Padres game (last weekend).

We had good seats in Section 110, but spent most of the time in the lawn area, partly because Shi was there with the kids, but mostly because it was near Hodad’s and the theme giveaway line.

Our tickets were $100+ each and parking was $55! Is this how much it costs to go to a game now??? I sound like my dad LOL. He was just saying he remembers when basketball playoff floor seats were only $500. When??? 40 years ago when the Clippers were a San Diego team? 🤣

They’re building the Clippers a new stadium in Inglewood, down the street from where I paid $60 for parking for Dua Lipa last year (then I paid an extra $10 for a locker because my purse was too big!). It’s less than 20 minutes away from my apartment, but I’m not gambling with rideshare prices.

Sometimes I have to remind myself, “You’re in your forties now. You need to calm the fuck down.” 😅 I think I got my fire from my mom’s side. When I was a little kid, my mom and her sisters got into a fight with these girls at Potomac Park because they wouldn’t let my grandma use the water fountain. I just remember them ripping the braids out of the girls’ heads and taking their watches LOL. They were in their twenties back then, but they’re just as fiesty in their sixties now. Don’t mess with the Cuevas girls!

Harry Potter Night (@ Petco Park)

I went to a Padres game with these potterheads and all I got was a Hufflepuff hat (and garlic fries from Gaglione Brothers. And a cheeseburger from Hodad’s. Ok, and a churro from Lane’s Lemonade Stand. No ballpark beers, though, because the last time I mixed alcohol with my meds, I was sloppy as fuck!).

The theme giveaway line was 45 minutes long, and we overheard this guy tell his girl, “I love you, but I’m not waiting in this line” LOL. Also, we picked up 3 hats first since the 4th person wasn’t at the game yet, so Pammie asks the giveaway dude for Gryffindor, Slytherin and Hufflepuff, and he starts reaching for a blue hat looking at her for confirmation, and Pammie was like, “Boy, that’s Ravenclaw!” 🤣

The “paw squad” is my new favorite part of being at Petco 🐾

Got this teapot and teacups from Marimekko, partly because I love the design, but mostly because I left my Blood of my Enemies (JK IT’S COFFEE) cup in LA.

My favorite bakery from NYC opens this weekend in LA (@ Levain)

Now I don’t have to pack my foodsaver to bring home fresh cookies the next time I go to New York 🤣 Their chocolate chip walnut cookie will change your life!

Since today is the first day of summer and I’m seeing Young the Giant in two months!

…or Jay’s message to me today after finding out about my strokes 🤣 I can totally hear him saying that! Except he says “skrong” like Kanye in Roses and “bitch” (also like Kanye in Roses).

I saw Kanye perform his debut album at 4th and B back in 2004. I miss the old Kanye.

My mom asked me to make her banana nut bread with her ripe bananas, and since my sister’s husband has been asking me to make banana bread for months, I made him a loaf, too.

I used to make mini loaves and bring them to work. Here’s some actual footage of the time I caught my old coworker, Justin, in his office going to town on this mini loaf that was supposed to be for him and his wife LOL:

Don’t let The Great Banana Bread Disaster of 2009 fool you. I make a mean ass banana bread.

Best Ever Banana Nut Bread with Streusel Topping Recipe (banana bread recipe adapted from The Baking ChocolaTess and streusel recipe from Yummy Addiction):

Banana Nut Bread Ingredients:

• ½ cup butter, softened
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs beaten
• 1 ½ cups flour
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• ½ tsp. salt
• 1 cup mashed bananas (about 3)
• ½ cup sour cream
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• ½ cup chopped walnuts

Streusel Ingredients:

• 3 tbsp. flour
• ¼ cup brown sugar
• ¼ tsp. cinnamon
• 2 tbsp. unsalted butter, slightly softened and cut into pieces
• ¼ cup chopped walnuts

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease a 9-inch loaf pan. Cut a piece of parchment paper and put it on the bottom of the pan (for easy removal).
3. In a large bowl, cream the butter with sugar until light and fluffy.
4. Add in the eggs and mix well.
5. Whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt, then add into the butter mixture and combine together.
6. Add the sour cream, bananas, and vanilla and stir well to incorporate, but don’t overmix.
7. Stir in chopped walnuts.
8. Pour into prepared pan.
9. Add the flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a medium bowl and mix until combined. Cut in the butter using your fingers or a pastry blender, until it resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in chopped walnuts. Sprinkle the streusel topping evenly over the batter.
10. Bake for 50-60 minutes.
11. Cool for 10 minutes and then turn the loaf out onto a rack. Remove the parchment paper and wrap the loaf in saran wrap to keep it moist once it’s room temperature.

I didn’t know that liking your husband would hurt this much.

We watched a Korean movie (@ AMC La Jolla), and I got us some Korean snacks to eat while we cried. They even referenced one of my favorite movies, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you’ve never seen it, these two people erase each other from their memories after a painful breakup, and they still end up finding each other again. You can’t fight fate…

Jessie was off today for Juneteenth, so she invited us into her Korean world LOL. IDK guys, the Padres are opening next season against the Dodgers in South Korea, and she might go there solo and not come back ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All my dad wanted for Father’s Day was a beer on a rooftop (@ Seneca)

The dole whip at the food and craft market below was a bonus. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!

I’ve been to 3/20 places on Eater’s 20 Essential BBQ Restaurants in LA, Spring 2023 list (Bludso’s, Slab & Maple Block Meat Company). Anyone want to try the other 17 with me??? I also have a BBQ bucket list if you feel like traveling.

Craving a lobster roll ever since Yelp sent me their 2023 Top Lobster Roll Spots in Every State list. This place in North Park did not disappoint (@ Pete’s Seafood and Sandwich)

We paid our respects at Jocelyn’s mom’s viewing tonight. No one wore booty shorts (@ Glen Abbey)

Hopefully the señorita bread we brought made up for us not voting for her for homecoming queen 20-something years ago. It felt like high school all over again (I’m still hanging out with the same girls and I had a carne asada burrito for dinner LOL).

Redondo is ready for me to come back! Now the closest lobster roll will be five minutes away from my apartment, and I don’t have to wait for an election to have one from the food truck across the street.

Also, Yelp sent me this list of their 2023 Top Lobster Roll Spots in Every State. Anyone interested in eating their way across America with me???

I made this spaghetti squash pad thai after Shi made pancit with spaghetti squash and I was wondering what other rice noodle recipes I could sub them for.

I’m that basic ass b that always orders pad thai at Thai restaurants. I followed this recipe, but I omitted the ginger, carrots and cilantro (since I don’t like any of those things LOL) and topped it with crunchy garlic chili oil (I put that shit on everything). It turned out so great!

My parents are dog sitting the goodest boi ever for the next month and they are so excited. The dog, not so much LOL.

I rarely eat rice or pasta now, but I still allow myself the occasional cinnamon roll or cookie. I’m not a psychopath 😅

My sister’s mother-in-law once joked that she was gonna steal the honey dispenser from the restaurant, so I got her one for her 70th birthday (along with a Kate Spade purse that’s big enough to hide the honey dispenser if she still wants to steal it).

I’m a thoughtful ass gift giver 🤣

I would like to cancel my subscription.

My blue jeans
Will last me all my life
Oh, yes
So should we
I’m spending all this time

I went to my cousin’s son’s high school graduation party, and his daughter’s playlist was playing and I realized that I have the same musical tastes as a 16-year-old.

I would see Daniel Caeser in concert but his show is the same day as The Brook & The Bluff, and I’d rather eat at Pizza Port see The Brook & The Bluff.

Nori and I would frequent this taco shop when we had lunch every day for work, and even though we’d almost always go to Starbucks after, sometimes I would get this Mexican rice pudding that was just hanging out there in the fridge, begging me to buy it. Nori doesn’t like milky things LOL, so she would just watch me eat it, but today is her birthday, so I made some and thought of her. I miss my friend! She really helped me out after I got sick and checks in all the time ❤️‍🩹

I sent her a care package of all her favorite things: Mango Gummy Bears and Pineapple O’s from Lin’s Hawaiian Snacks, Dark Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts, King’s Hawaiian Bread with Passion Fruit Jelly, Freeze-Dried Sour Skittles, CheeseCorn from Garrett, a thumb drive with all her favorite movies, and some gift cards to Nordstrom and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf because she is never without a spritz of perfume and a big ass Tropical Passion Iced Tea. She sent me this photo of her dog, Kona, trying to steal some of her candy 💕

You lit your cigarette
Oh, how quickly we all forget
That bed you made, you must lay in it
Lost in a fruitless cause
False hope was all you bought
Oh, and the answers didn’t seem so far

Just got tickets to their fall tour! I’m going to their SD show instead of the one the next day in LA, partly because trying to get to Hollywood on a Thursday sucks, but mostly because I want to eat at Pizza Port.

I’m up in LA for a doctor’s appointment, and I haven’t been home in over a month.

I should really give someone a key to my apartment, because all my plants are dead.

People think it’s silly that I kept my studio in LA (and continue to pay a ridiculous amount for it) since I haven’t lived there since January after the incident, but I like my independence (and walking around in my chonies.). I’d sublet my apartment, but my property manager lives across the hall, so he’d definitely know 😅

I need this gummy bear-scented deodorant in my life.

P.S. If you knew me when I was GUMMYI3EAR@aol.com, I’m sorry LOL.

I once got invited to a Sleepless party in LA that started at 11:30 (PM!).

I would’ve gone, but I was sleeping 😴 Besides, I’d already taken off my bra by that time, and once it comes off, I’m in for the night…

Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’ playlist.

Don’t mind me. Just re-watching old Ted Lasso episodes and loved this scene.

P.S. I’ve known Sade’s By Your Side was gonna be my wedding song ever since it came out in 2000 and I thought I’d be married by the time I turned 25 (I’m 41 now LOL).

I use this Merriman gif any chance I get because he’s the only jersey I have (I bought it before he choked Tila Tequila and before the Chargers left San Diego, but regrettably not before he got that stupid “Lights Out” tattoo on his forearm).

The Ted Lasso series finale was so good! I’ve never been so invested in a fake sports show.

…or me telling everyone I know about Barbecue Showdown.

Full moon in Gemini season, y’all ✨

The Poles – Strawberry Moon

I was looking for strawberry moon vibes on Spotify when I stumbled across this Korean indie rock band. I’ve never watched K-dramas or been into Korean boy bands (although I love K-Pop girl bands. Blackpink, anyone?), but I love this song even though I don’t understand what they’re saying.

On my walk, this guy was blasting Yellowcard while working out in his garage.

I had so many questions. Did he mean to play it this loud? Is he listening to my resurrection sunday playlist? Is it 2001??? I usually listen to my twerkout playlist when I work out, would early 2000s pop-punk pump me up more?

P.S. I love that the top comment on this video is, “Music is the closest thing we have to a time machine.” Ain’t that the truth…

Captain’s Log, Day 136: It’s June now, and these heart balloons have been in this window since February.

I’m on instagram, partly because I follow a bunch of dogs, but mostly because of this guy 😏 His caption on this post is, “I baked you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.” 😳

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

Jessie and I go to our friends’ kids birthday parties for the free hood ass ice cream trucks (@ SD Sweet Treats)

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

Eating more eggs because my primary care physician said I need to raise my “good” cholesterol. This is 41, y’all 👵🏼

Egg Bite Recipe (adapted from Recipe Girl’s Copycat Starbucks Egg Bites):

• Simple Truth Natural Cage Free Eggs – 10
• Applegate Naturals Uncured Turkey Bacon – 5 Slices
• Private Selection Alpine Blend Shredded Swiss & Gruyère Cheese – 2 cups
• Knudsen Small Curd Low Fat Cottage Cheese – 2 cups

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place a wire rack on top of the prepared baking sheet. Line the raw turkey bacon on the wire rack in a single layer. Make sure no strips overlap one another. Place strips of turkey bacon in the pre-heated oven for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, flip the bacon strips over one by one, and bake them for another 7 minutes. Cut the turkey bacon into little pieces (I used kitchen shears) and set aside.

Pre-heat oven to 350°F. Spray 24 cups in two regular-sized muffin pans generously with nonstick spray (I used these silicone muffin molds and Simple Truth Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil Cooking Spray). Combine the eggs and cottage cheese in the blender, and then stir in the shredded cheese. This results in a fluffier texture without the cottage cheese being visually present. My Vitamix is at my mom’s, so I used my sister’s milk frother that she uses to make her matcha green tea every morning to make the small curds even smaller LOL (don’t tell her). Pour the mixture into the muffin pans, filling each about half full to leave room for the egg to expand while baking. Top with the turkey bacon bits. Bake for 30 minutes, or until the eggs are completely cooked. Remove from the oven and take out of the muffin pan.

I’ve actually never had the egg bites from Starbucks (I was too busy eating birthday cake pops and washing them down with trenta pink drinks, so I can’t compare them, but these tasted really good!). My sister’s husband said they even taste better than the egg bites from Costco (high praise coming from him LOL!).

Since I only eat two a day, I froze the rest and nuke them for ninety seconds in the morning for a quick breakfast. I top it with crunchy garlic chili oil and it’s perfection. I don’t salt my food (I’m trying to cut back on the sodium, too), but feel free to add some salt if you want!

Each Egg Bite: Calories: 87. Carbs: 1. Fat: 5. Protein: 8. Sodium: 169. Sugar: 1.

Update 6/13/2023: I made a second batch and used my Vitamix to blend the cottage cheese and eggs together, and the texture is def fluffier! I fell in my parents’ garage trying to put the Vitamix in the car last weekend (that shit is heavy, plus I was trying to carry other things). My mom opened the door to the garage and saw me on the floor LOL. My leg still hurts, but my egg bites are fluffy as hell!

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Miso Chilean sea bass (a riff on the miso black cod from Nobu) with baby bok choy drizzled with crunchy garlic chili oil.

The miso marinade was a bitch to make (it was so thick!) and a bag of five Chilean sea bass fillets was almost $50 at Costco, but it was worth it (one miso black cod at Nobu is nearly $40!).

This whole ass meal was *chef’s kiss*. Bon appétit!

Can’t I be both???

Me: Waco? Oh, it’s the 30-year anniversary.
Pammie: What happened in Waco?
Me: What do you mean, ‘What happened in Waco?’ Waco’s only known for one thing!
Pammie: I only know Waco for the Magnolia Silos LOL.

Even if I didn’t love true crime, I’d still know what happened in Waco 🤣

P.S. If you weren’t alive for Waco in 1993, you are much too young for me LOL.

Are you laughing at your own joke???

– Pammie to me as I’m texting Alicia and dying of laughter

I’m not even mad they spelled Beetlejuice wrong. So excited for this sequel!!!

This cover of Labrinth’s Jealous sung by an all-male a cappella group led by a Korean dude is probably my favorite cover ever. It’s also available on Spotify if you feel like listening to it on repeat and crying yourself to sleep (not that I ever do that). Does anyone want to go to Nashville with me to watch them in the fall??? I used to be in show choir in high school (I have the sequin dresses and nude character shoes to prove it) and I’m a huge choir nerd. I hope that doesn’t turn you off LOL.

Also, I once went to a Billie Eilish show in 2018, and my ears are still ringing.

New favorite song, though.

FYI I get all my important news in a daily email from The Betches Sup.

P.S. Florida senators should not be commenting on California things 😒

BRB crying.

God, I love this show. Thank goodness it was renewed! I’m still salty about The Company You Keep cancellation LOL.

When you’re staying at your parents’ house because your sister and her husband are going to Vegas for his birthday.

Never mind that I ran out of underwear, bring my electric pepper grinder LOL.

This article explains so much 🤣

Sidenote: The only place I’ve ever drank water from the tap is when I stayed at the Ace Hotel in Portland. The water from the kitchen faucet was so cold and refreshing. I would never drink the water from the tap from my apartment in LA! LOL. Not even if that shit was Brita’d (I would sooner get a bottled water from the liquor store next door or the gas station across the street!).

You’re funnier since you had the strokes. I mean, you were always funny, but you’re funnier now.

– my mom to me after I razzed my pops

Maybe my migraines were hindering my funniness (I haven’t had a headache since the incident, and I used to take Excedrin every day!). Or maybe it’s just because I’m on anti-depressants now LOL.

I don’t know about funnier, but I’m definitely meaner. Or maybe I’ve always been mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, get you a mom who always laughs at your jokes.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate!

I’ve been wanting to make these TikTok Cinnamon Rolls for forever, and when the girls came over for brunch months ago, imagine my surprise when I found out it was a “healthy” brunch (it was after the incident), we were having healthy shit like crudité, Christine knew brunch was gonna be healthy so she ate a Mcdonald’s breakfast sandwich beforehand LOL, and no one brought waffles!

I thought Mother’s Day was a good excuse to make these cinnamon rolls, so I did and everyone loved them! They were sooo good and I’ll def be making them again.

The best part is you use canned cinnamon rolls to make it! Ain’t nobody got time to make cinnamon rolls from scratch.

This is not my picture, although that logo looks like my dutch oven and my glasses (am I that basic???). My cinnamon rolls turned out exactly like these, but my family devoured them before I could take a picture. Also, I would never use that upper font LOL.

I ordered some selenite charging plates because I thought I wasn’t spending enough money on crystals.

Because of Nurse Ratched, I’ve lost 35 pounds and gained $25k. She runs a tight ship LOL.

I saw my doctor today and he took me off one of my pills. Now I only take 15 a day! 🤣

We went to our cousins’ grandma’s viewing yesterday, and a) no one told me there were raisins in the empanadas (FYI I hate raisins in savory things, and I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen) b) Young the Giant will be played at my funeral and c) my browser history needs to be cleared when I die 🤣

Partly because it’s Cinco de Mayo, but mostly because I wanted a burrito (@ Lolita’s)

Don’t let the picture fool you, I only ate half 🤪

Full moon tonight ✨

Vampire Weekend (ft. Steve Lacy) – Flower Moon

I would not trust Mexican food made by a white guy in Arizona. I barely trust the Mexican food in LA (they put beans in everything! Also, why is everything wet??? If I wanted to eat a burrito with a fork and knife, I wouldn’t have ordered a burrito!). All I need in this life of sin is a 2-in-1 burrito from Lolita’s in SD.

People say I’ve become a food snob ever since I moved to LA over a decade ago, and to that I say I’ve always been a food snob LOL.

Have a safe Cinco de Drinko!

Things I see on my afternoon walks:

This fenced off spot reminds me of the infinite abyss from Garden State. There’s so much tumbleweed around here for some reason.

I hate vanity plates, but I love pizza, so I’m torn.

I’ve seen these heart balloons in this window since Valentine’s Day… It’s May.

I name all the dogs I see regularly on my walks. I see this sweet girl almost every day, and I call her “Lucy” (“Lucille” when we’re being formal). I’ve never heard her bark.

There’s this asshole dog who always barks whenever he sees me. I call him “David” after David Bogdanov, a convicted murderer I watched a docu of on ID who fled to Ukraine after he killed a trans teen (the dog’s pawrents have a Ukrainian flag on their balcony LOL).

With a lot of great dogs, comes a great lot of poop. These little flags are everywhere.

Freakin’ birds (@ Starbucks)

Whenever Nori and I would go to Starbucks (pretty much every day LOL) we’d sit outside, and I could barely hear her wordle  guesses over the parrots. Apparently, they live in palm trees, and palm trees are outside every Starbucks we went to in the beach cities.

Also, I was so mad when they took out the nearest Jack in the Box and put another Starbucks in its place. There were already 15 within a 5-mile radius of my apartment!

Who complains about too many Starbucks and palm trees? Is this my life now??? LOL.

Jessie and I always joke that I’m gonna marry her husband following her untimely death 🤣

BRB crying.

Lewis Capaldi – Wish You The Best

I miss knowin’ what you’re thinkin’
And hearin’ how your day has been
Do you think you can tell me everything, darling?
But leave out every part about him

Me checking what day my birthday falls on next year knowing I’m gonna have it at Texas Roadhouse LOL.

My friends will be like, “but this is in a mall parking lot in El Cajon, and we had champagne and wagyu at Born & Raised in Little Italy last year!”

Sorry B’s, I like my meat from East County ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I went to Texas Roadhouse again last night, partly because it was Meat Friday, but mostly because I did, in fact, leave my wallet there last week and had to get it LOL.

These memoji are so accurate 🤣

Celebratory cheeseburger and fries (@ Mcdonald’s)

Nori’s family straight up gasped when they found out how high my blood glucose levels were in the hospital. I recently had to get bloodwork done for my upcoming appointment and my A1C has gone down six points since January (I also haven’t had Mickey D’s since the incident, and I used to doordash their iced coffee every morning even though they’re literally across the street from my apartment). All I had to do (according to Dr. Joshi) was change my friends, change the way I do things and change my whole life (he keeps it too real LOL).

The phlebotomist said I had “easy veins” (usually it’s hard to draw my blood, and one time they even had to go through my hand which is so painful!), she complimented me on my favorite Michael Myers shirt I was wearing (that I wear year-round, not just when it’s Halloween), plus I got to have Mcdonald’s today! Win-win-win.

FYI I had my 7th birthday party at the Mcdonald’s in Bonita. I even still remember what I wore. Point being, I’ve had a special relationship with Mcdonald’s for a long ass time LOL.

Also, yes, that’s a double cheeseburger, and yes, I reward myself with food. Get off me.

Margarita Manzke (co-owner and pastry chef at République in LA) is a 2023 James Beard Award Finalist.

République is one of my favorite restaurants, and the first time I ever went there, they had a mountain of butter out and I mused aloud, “What’s all this butter for?” and one of the workers was like, “PIE.”

Go if you’ve never gone before, or better yet, take me with you!

Well, I don’t work there for the 50% discount 🤣

Years ago, I lied about how much I weighed on my driver’s license, and now I’m almost at what I refer to as my “DMV” weight LOL.

I recently lost my temporary “wallet” (a tiny ass Ikea bag that held my driver’s license, some change and a credit card). I think I left it at Texas Roadhouse LOL, but joke’s on you, I had already canceled the credit card last week and was getting mailed a new one because I got a fraud alert from CELESTIALGARDENINGSOLU, (which sounds like a place I’d make a purchase, but didn’t) plus I hated my driver’s license picture (the guy made me take off my glasses, so I kept stepping forward thinking he’d taken the photo already LOL).

Pammie came into my room holding a tiny Ikea bag, and I was like, “You found it!” but she was just giving me a little bag to put my replacement stuff in LOL.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Keeping up with Meat Fridays (@ Texas Roadhouse)

You’re so fuckin’ bougie.

– my sister’s husband to me after I brought down my Aroma 360 diffuser and Cashmere Plum fragrance oil from my studio in LA for my room at their house in SD

Do you stay up at night googling if cat mamas get sad after you give away their kittens or are you normal???