I have a growing queue of things I know will make you laugh, and I don’t know where to put them.

You’re late to everything you’ve ever attended in life, and no one ever lets you forget it.

Grandma’s bingo and nail game strong (@ Reo Vista)

When the conversation is getting shorter with you, it’s getting longer with someone else.

Homemade strawberry rhubarb birthday pie for my favorite pie-lover, Jessie!

Recipe from Smitten Kitchen.

This isn’t the kind of bar I’m used to (@ Cardio Barre)

I almost cried at the end of class, partly because I was so exhausted, but mostly because they were playing Bon Iver during savasana.

Even my phone is trying to tell me that I need cardio in my life.

I woke up before the sun on a Saturday to go hiking and eat vegetarian food with Deane, Ledi and Isadora (@ Kitchen Mouse).

I don’t even know who I am right now.

Excuse us while we eat our feelings (@ The Hart and The Hunter)

The voice of reason strikes again.

Add a box of girl scout cookies and you’ve got my plans for this weekend.

Anthony had me create my own profile on his Netflix account so that my chick flick recommendations wouldn’t get mixed in with his chick flick recommendations, obvi.

If only Amazon Prime had this feature so I could stop getting his beard oil recommendations for a healthier, kissable beard.

Vintage vibes (@ Rose Bowl Flea Market)

Our flea market finds included a vintage bag for Chel, a t-rex toy for Darien, an Alf hand puppet for Shi, and a vintage gun lock for Anthony.

The only thing I took home was a sunburn on my chest.

GAME CHANGER.

Accurate.

Museum day with this nut (@ LACMA)

Shi and I spent the day sitting in traffic and tar pits. Two museums on one Saturday in LA was just too ambitious.

Sunday adventures with this slut (@ Eggslut)

He took me to Home Deeps to get a tire pressure gauge and made sure my car was safe to drive, but he also took me to Compton to get BBQ for dinner. Idk if he wants me to live or die, tbh.

Pretending it’s 1991 and helping Shi refuel after her half marathon (@ Cafe Topes)

Six of us were supposed to vacation in Portland, but new jobs, broken water heaters, half marathons and trips to Japan got in the way. Anthony and I obviously have nothing else going on in our lives, so the two of us spent our birthday weekend traveling the pacific northwest without those clowns!

One thing I love about Portland (and pretty much any other city besides LA) is the public transit system. You can get anywhere by light rail, street car, train or bus! The light rail took us straight from the airport to our hotel downtown for $2.50 (I’ve paid nearly $40 for a cab ride to LAX, and I only live 5 miles away!). What I also love about Portland is the food. OMG, the food. They are known for their food trucks, and our hotel was a couple blocks away from a group of like 20 or so of them at Alder Food Carts. I’ve been wanting to eat at Nong’s ever since I saw her on Chopped, and it was the first of many good meals we had that weekend.

Friday was Anthony’s birthday, and he wanted to go to McMenamins Kennedy School for drinks. It used to be an elementary school, but they converted it into a hotel/brewery. We had drinks in the boiler room, and I got sloppy hoping Jordan Catalano would show up to no avail.

Our friend Mark lives in Portland, and we met up with him for some late night eats at Biwa. He took us to some hipster bar called Bar Bar afterwards where we met some of his designer friends. Apparently, there’s a lot of job opportunities up there! Something to consider while I’m sitting in LA traffic…

Saturday was for snoozing. We slept in and hit up the farmer’s market around noon. When we couldn’t find the Pine State Biscuits booth, we decided to have lunch at Lardo, but not before having some pre-meal crepes at C’est Si Bon. The crepes were a mistake. And so were the donuts that followed at Blue Star. We somehow rolled ourselves back to the hotel and were in a food coma for the rest of the rainy afternoon. Everyone in Portland was watching the Seahawks playoff game, and we slept through half of it.

When we woke up, Anthony left to work out at the hotel gym, and I ventured out on my own to see the Portland Stag Sign without telling him. It’s no secret that I get lost easily, so he decided early on that he would navigate and I was to stay at his 8 o’clock at all times. I tried to take the bus by myself, got off at the wrong stop and found myself in BUMSVILLE. I eventually found my way back to the hotel, but not before Anthony returned from the gym. He was just coming to terms with the idea that I had been abducted when I walked through the door with a bag of hot cheetos and this photo. He was not amused.

I passed by Voodoo Doughnut on my way back. This bum in front threw his half eaten donut on the ground and started following me! I barely escaped with my life.

We had drinks at Whiskey Soda Lounge while we waited for our table at Pok Pok that night. FYI if you’re only going to Pok Pok for their famous wings, you can skip the wait and get them at Whiskey Soda Lounge instead. Or if Portland is too far, you can come visit me when they open a Pok Pok LA this spring 😉 It definitely was everything the internet promised it would be.

Sunday was probably my favorite day, and we didn’t even spend it in Portland! We took an impromptu trip to Seattle and did every touristy thing we could fit into five hours. We ate clam chowder at Pike Place Chowder (and pre-meal empanadas at El Mercado Latino), dodged fish at Pike Place Fish Market, visited the first Starbucks, tested our gag reflex at the Gum Wall in Post Alley, went to the top of the Space Needle, and rode the Great Wheel. And this is where I found out this foolio is afraid of heights. The proof is in the video.

After spending six hours on the train that day, I showered back at the hotel before we met up with Mark and his friends for drinks at Dig a Pony. If I knew we were going to end up at a strip club later that night, I would have waited to shower afterwards! Ha. Apparently, Portland is the strip club capital of America, and no trip is complete without visiting one. Anyway, here are some dollars that Anthony let some girl pick up with her tits while we ate tater tots. No bigs!

Monday was my birthday and our last day in Portland. We had a bloody mary brunch at Tasty ‘n’ Sons, beers at Hopworks Bike Bar, doughnuts at Voodoo Doughnut, and coffee at Stumptown. I was really sick that day (Was it all the public transportation or was it the strip club? Who really is to blame???). I’m still sick two weeks later, so it’s taken me a while to get my life together and update this thing.

When we got back to Anthony’s house that night, Pammie and Christine came over with birthday burritos from Lolita’s! It was a great end to what Anthony refers to as “the time of my life.” He wishes!

Morning brews (@ Benchmark Brewing)

Fried chicken, doughnuts & coffee with Chel & these clowns (@ StreetCar Merchants of Fried Chicken, Doughnuts & Coffee)

My favorite place in LA is closing for good this weekend, so I had to go there one last time before I went home for the holidays. Deane and I cried into our last chocolate bread puddings ever, and then we ate our tears (@ Ramekin)

You know you live in LA when free parking is a gift.

Pammie’s birthday brunch (@ Great Maple)

When asked if I want a big ass pickle inside my bloody mary, the answer is always yes.

One month till Portland! Is it my birthday yet???

I suggested we have our first friendsgiving this year, partly because I wanted an excuse to make dessert, but mostly because Anthony owed me smoked wings for telling me he was gonna come up for the Rose Bowl flea market the other weekend, having me drive back up to LA at 2am, and canceling via text at six in the morning!

There were no smoked wings (he made a pot roast instead), but there were tons of laughs and surprisingly delicious healthy food from Shi. Haha. Till next year, clowns!

OMG, my mom and her emoticons.

My sister just accepted a job offer back home in SD, and I couldn’t be happier for her (or sadder for me!). The best part about living in LA is that it’s only an hour away from my sister’s condo in the OC and a few hours away from home. With my sister and brother-in-law moving back to SD, I won’t be able to just drop by whenever I’m feeling homesick anymore. I’ll also have to find someone else’s husband to cook me breakfast on Sunday mornings! Ha.

Congrats, Pammie!!! I miss you already ♥

Because half pint glasses make his hands look bigger (@ Alpine Beer Company)

Lunch with Richie Tenenbaum and Mia Wallace (@ Ocean Diner)

…then I googled you (@ Culver City Art District)

Unsolicited fact about me: I’ve never owned a bike until today.

Thanks to Pinterest, I finally have my first bike at 32 years young! I always had roller skates when I was a kid, but I never had a bike (which probably explains my bike-riding skills, or lack thereof). I’ve also never ridden a horse, but I have ridden an elephant. This post could get lengthy if I keep listing all the things I’ve ridden, so I’ll move along…

Inhabitat chose my Going (Mint) Green in Style pinterest board as the grand prize winner of their Back-to-School contest! It’s been years since I’ve actually been in school, but my time at the Art Institute sure taught me how to design a pretty pinterest board.

I won this Public Bike plus a brass bell, rear rack, and the bike basket I put on my wish list earlier this year before I had a bike to attach it to! They even sent me a tube of turquoise touch up paint for when I inevitably eat shit and scuff up that beautiful paint job. I considered getting the cream bike instead since it seemed like a safer color choice, but my sister said, “Since when do you make safe choices?” Touché. I am reckless as fuck.

I asked my friend if there were any lakes to go riding around up here, and she was all like, “THIS IS LA.” So I guess I’m riding my free bike at the beach then??? What a rough life.

I usually enjoy being on my back, but this is getting ridic.

I’ve been living off muscle relaxers, pain killers and salon pas for the past three weeks. The cause is still unknown, but I’m pretty sure I went too hard at the Paul McCartney show! Ha.

I’ve been stressed out at work lately, and the doctor thinks I might be carrying the stress in my back. If only he could write me a doctor’s note forbidding me to work overtime. It’s the least he can do, since he won’t prescribe me more vicodin!

Not pictured: Anthony on the air drums and me on vocals (@ Petco Park)

Paul McCartney – Hey Jude (Live)

Anthony upgraded his second annual shrimp boil with an invite that tested our friendship and a bloody mary bar by me and the girls. All that was missing was some fried chicken!

Winning combo: Zing Zang Bloody Mary Mix + UV Sriracha Vodka + Sriracha Chili Sauce

My 3-day weekend can’t come soon enough.

…or the wurst idea ever! #onlyinLA

Greenhouse vibes (@ Commissary at the Line Hotel)

Ooh, baby, I like it rawww (@ Fishing with Dynamite)

It’s too hot for clothes (@ Sausalito)

The claws are out (@ The Port of LA Lobster Festival)

If my sister and I share a love of anything, it’s the dulcet tones of Sam Smith, and winning. She is next level when it comes to fantasy football and being the only girl in her league!

It smells like doyer dogs and betrayal (@ Dodger Stadium)

Overheard at the table next to us (@ Grub):

“I need an exact headcount for the lobster bake I’m throwing at my house for my birthday, because I’m flying in fresh lobsters from Maine.”

“My sister is really into strippercizing right now. She has a room in her house with just a stripper pole in it.”

Oh, Hollywood. I nearly spit out my blackberry pepper champagne cocktail.

LA opened its first Dunkin Donuts today, so I’m halfway there, you guys!

Earlier this week, I reupholstered the leather cushions on my Roxy Rocker with this gorgeous Harris Tweed. According to Wikipedia, it was “handwoven by islanders at their homes in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland.” I bought it off eBay from some dude in the UK, so it must be legit.

Also, I did all this with a staple gun, and I didn’t even hurt myself! It only took that first staple barely missing my thigh for me to realize that the staples come out of the other end when you shoot it. Yikes.

…or the only day Anthony gets to have his wood between my legs and his meat in my mouth! Not gonna lie, he smokes some damn good BBQ…

I obviously went too hard this past weekend. Somebody soup me.

The Strokes – You Only Live Once

Epic weekend. I saw The Strokes perform, and I forget the rest. x__x (@ FYF Festival)

Crossed another one off of LA Weekly’s 99 Essential Restaurants list… 93 more to go! (@ Father’s Office)

Anthony visited before his BBQ class in LA, and we tried one of LA’s best burgers. It was meh, felt more like a sandwich because it was served on a french roll, but the beers were excellent. My favorite burger in LA (and in life) is still from Plan Check!

Hopefully he learned some new skills from the BBQ Pitmaster for the next party he unwillingly lets me throw at his house.

Two years in LA today. Where did my life go???

Bloats magotes (@ Anaheim Packing House)

💔

I live down the street from Manhattan Beach Pier, but nothing beats being at the beach with my buds in SD (even if it is PB!) (@ Pacific Beach Alehouse)

I don’t know how to use a grill, and I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t read directions or instruction manuals. Unfortunately, that also makes me the kind of girl who wins Pinterest contests and then gets her prize revoked because she didn’t read the fine print that said that the contest wasn’t open to California residents.

I get it, Georgia. We have perfect weather and an extra series of The Real Housewives. We can’t have your $1200 Big Green Egg grills, too.

At least I still have my award-winning #MyHTTender contest board full of grilling recipes for when I throw another BBQ at someone else’s house 😉

Life after Summer (@ Bradbury Building)

Sunday Slutty Sunday (@ Eggslut)

You ready, B? (@ Rose Bowl Stadium)

I hope Bangkok doesn’t have him now (@ LAX)

Let’s get ready to rumbleeee (@ Cooper Design Space)

…or what happens when a certain someone leaves my amazon prime account logged in on their dad’s computer.

If a man ever laid a finger on me like that, HE WOULD BE DEAD.

The last time Paul McCartney played a show in San Diego, I wasn’t even born yet. But I grew up listening to the Beatles because my dad would blast their records and play along with his guitar when I was a kid. I always thought he was their biggest fan, but Anthony might be giving him a run for his money.

Since none of our friends are going to the show with us, I’ll probably have to be Anthony’s emergency contact for when he faints like a fangirl at a Michael Jackson concert! Ha. When I asked my dad if he wanted tickets for his birthday, he said that he already bought tickets for himself, my mom and their friends before I even got mine. My bad, presale! Maybe someone else can be Anthony’s emergency contact after all.

Made in LA (@ Hammer Museum)

A giant load is the only thing on the agenda tonight (@ Bubble Beach Laundry)

I threw my pie for you (@ Pie Not)

Swing life away (@ OC Fair)

Angelenos (@ Angel City Brewery)

If anyone can convince me to join Tinder, it’s Djengus Roundstone.

I hope the D’s not silent…

Cute carbs (@ Superba Food + Bread)

Holy hipster (@ Anaheim Packing House)

Made in L.A. Music night every Thursday (@ Hammer Museum)

I keeps it real. Also, I’m apparently still sexy.

The realest thing I’ve ever read.

The beauty of getting lost in DTLA (@ Boyd & Omar)

Darien waiting for a birthday surprise or channeling his inner Pennsatucky? You decide.

Who doesn’t like a little chorizo in their bloody mary every once in a while? (@ Great Maple)

Ice cream flight kind of night (@ Hammond’s Gourmet Ice Cream)

Accurate.

I was the only person they carded! #faceofaminor (@ Alpine Beer Co)

On Wednesdays, we eat Churro Borough (@ Ramekin)

Bathroom break (@ Skechers)

Who wore it better? (@ Waypoint Public)

DIY Donut Balloons for my favorite 3-year-old!

My work conference started off with an inspirational speech by President Bill Clinton and ended with half naked dancers and one too many tequila shots with the VPs.

So… just another day at the office.

Say hello to my new Mazda3!

I def have a type. I would’ve replaced my Matrix with another, but Toyota discontinued them last year, and I really wanted to buy myself a brand new car. After driving a rental for almost a month, I finally found a car that I love! It’s a charcoal gray hatchback just like my Matrix was, except it looks a lot sleeker, has power steering (which I thought I had this whole time until I drove a car that actually had power steering), and bluetooth so I can listen to my Young the Giant spotify playlist instead of my Young the Giant CD, among other upgrades. I feel like I’m driving my Matrix when I’m in it.

Maybe I should’ve kept $5,000 from my insurance settlement to pay Match.com to find me a date who looks just like my ex, too.

The power went out in my apartment building again last week! I was already running late, and I had to go back upstairs in the dark to tell the maintenance guy to manually open the garage gate so I could get to fucking work already. This has happened three times in less than two months! And these are only the incidents that I know of, because I spend less than 50% of my time in this apartment (unless a burglar is reading this, in which case I’m home all the time. Plus I always keep my sharpest pair of fabric scissors within reach. And I’m not afraid to cut you.)

Once I get my new car situation settled, I’m moving out of this overpriced shit hole and torching it on yelp!

Somebody got lei’d last night (@ Santana High School)

The 4 most beautiful words ever put together: Churro Ice Cream Sandwich (@ Ramekin)

Churro Borough had a pop-up shop at my fave dessert spot in LA the one day I happened to be there, and my life will never be the same.

Refrigerator door to the past (@ Good Times at Davey Wayne’s)

I may or may not have binge-watched the entire new season of Orange is the New Black this past weekend.

That one time Kimbra showed up at the Electric Wire Hustle show (@ Bootleg HiFi)

I knew that my affinity for facial hair and keeping random shit in my purse would be useful someday. I won enough Bath & Body Works prizes to regift for years to come.

Three of my cousins are pregnant, and this is my life right now.

Congrats Shi and Christine! (@ Rock ‘n’ Roll San Diego Marathon)

I need new friends. And a new car 🙁 It’s officially totaled!

Banks – Waiting Game

What if the way we started
Made it something cursed from the start

Stoned (@ LACMA)

She knows me too well.

I’m pretty sure my car is totaled, but at least I was near a Pizza Port when I almost died on the 5 today. (@ Pizza Port)

I love the silence between us when it comes to burgers and bread pudding. Like, don’t even talk to me right now. (@ Hook & Plow)

…or when your plans get canceled because the power went out in your apartment building, and your car is stuck in the sub garage. Again.

You leave LA for one weekend, and people cheat on you with wonuts.