After conquering the pink card, I like to go home and reward myself by watching The Voice on mute and staring at Adam Levine’s delicious beard.

Shi posted this picture of us inhaling Tropical Shave Ice on Facebook, and as a result, Arlene has threatened us with the PINK card at tomorrow night’s circuit training session… the same pink card that made me throw up (three times!) the first day I did it.

I didn’t even put any toppings on my shave ice!!!

Not on my first one anyway…

Lobsta Truck lobster roll? Check. KalbiQ spicy pork fries? Check. Lee’s Philly surf & turf cheese steak? Check. Tropical Shave Ice? Check. Stretchy pants? Check.

After Boomers’ Food Trucks & Fun event last night, I’m pretty sure I’ll be in a food coma for the next couple of weeks (at least until the Del Mar Fair opens).

I may or may not have thrust my fist into the air in a silent cheer when I got the text message saying that our workout was canceled tonight.

This morning, I woke up at an unholy hour to do the Navy Bay Bridge Run/Walk with the girls. Jessie and Christine had their long run yesterday in preparation for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon next month, so they rested their stems and strolled the 5k with us. I realized that this would be my only opportunity in life to beat their time, so I sprinted past them just as we were crossing the finish line! Ha 😉

Afterward, we walked another mile to The Mission for breakfast brunch lunch (the wait was 90 minutes!) where I tried some delicious soy chorizo. Who knew that fake Mexican sausage could rock my world?

I had dinner and drinks at Craft and Commerce with four of my faves last night… four and a half if you count Chel’s 32-week belly! Is it weird that it wasn’t the first time this week that I hit up a bar with one of my preggo friends? I had drinks with Belle at Cottonwood Golf Club after work the other day. The bartender poured me another double vodka cranberry to-go before we made our way next door to a dry charity event for some silent auction action and complimentary noms from Outback.

We’re a couple of classy broads.

This week, the girls and I kicked off our summer of music with Lauryn Hill at Humphrey’s by the Bay! Then Errol and Aimee gave me their extra VIP tickets to Channel 933’s Summer Kickoff because they know I love free booze, free food, free concerts, and most importantly, that young chico Pitbull 😉

Can’t wait for these upcoming shows:

• 5/28: Prince @ The Forum
• 5/29: Glee @ Valley View Casino Center
• 6/5: FM 94/9 Independence Jam @ Oceanside Pier
• 6/6: Adele @ The Greek
• 6/11: Mayer Hawthorne / Bruno Mars @ Del Mar Fair
• 6/22: Neon Trees @ Del Mar Fair
• 6/28: Musiq @ Belly Up
• 7/8: Rocky Votolato @ The Casbah
• 7/22: Maroon 5 @ Cricket Wireless
• 8/12-8/14: Outside Lands Festival @ Golden Gate Park
• 8/16: Death Cab For Cutie @ UCSD Rimac Arena

I’m kind of a concert whore.

In related news, Jesse is officially forgiven for writing this love note on my car:

I’ve read your entire blog from beginning to end and it made me laugh, cry and everything in between. When I was reading I kept thinking, you’re so honest and you’re not afraid to say what you feel. If I ever bump into you on the streets of SD I would totally give you a big hug and say, Thank you!

Holy balls! Beginning to end??? When I started this blog in 2003, all I talked about was concerts, food and my boyfriend. 8 years later, I’m still blogging about concerts, food and my (now ex) boyfriends! Some things never change…

I feel like I lead a different life on the interwebs, because IRL I’m not this candid. Here, I’m not afraid to admit that I still think about you without feeling like a total idiot… Maybe you’ll read it, but most likely you won’t. It’s easier to say these things when you think that no one is listening.

If you were able to identify with anything I’ve written these past 8 years, then I’m glad you found my blog 🙂

The Warblers – Somewhere Only We Know (Keane Cover)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Glee – Somewhere Only We Know.mp3]

And if you have a minute why don’t we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know
This could be the end of everything
So why don’t we go somewhere only we know

dispel, v.
It was the way you said, “I have something to tell you.” I could feel the magic drain from the room.

True story.

Run Into Flowers:

Mayan made these delicious chocolate chip cookies with an oreo cookie inside. Ummm sham wow! I’d have to say that her cookies beat the #1 cookies in San Diego, Uncle Biff’s Cookies.

Don’t say @DearMare didn’t warn you 😉

8 weeks, 1200 calories/day, 2 workouts/day, 42 pounds lost and $407 gained, bitches!

Ladies, you’re doing yourself a serious disservice if you think that a man can ever beat you in anything. Who cares whether or not they lose weight faster than you? Work harder, and show them that there’s nothing a man can do that a woman can’t do better, backwards and in high heels. TWICE!

Once this @MindzAlike #BLC ends this Sunday, I’m going to stuff myself with meat.

And then I’m going to eat at these restaurants:

1. Crab Hut – Full house/medium shrimp will be my VICTORY meal (yeah, I said it!)
2. Pizza Port – Meet Extreme Meat pizza and a beer
3. Hodad’s – Bacon Cheeseburger Basket (my #1 craving these past 8 weeks)
4. Sarita’s – Carne asada fries from my favorite taco shop in the valley
5. Phil’s BBQ – Beefy Rib Tickler
6. Shik Do Rak – AYCE KBBQ that’s worth driving up to the OC for

One restaurant a week, of course. I’m still trying to get bikini tankini ready by summer!

I’m still sick, so I’m lying in bed with tissues lodged up my left nostril, coughing up my insides and watching this video of Paul Walker on repeat.

Boys, try not to fall in love with me.

Another weekend, another baby shower… Chel is clearly my favorite preggo ♥

I’ve been fighting a cold since Monday, and the only cure is more concerts! Every weekend in June is now officially booked. FM/949 Independence Jam, Adele, Neon Trees, Mayer Hawthorne/Bruno Mars, Del Mar Fair, Vegas… Is it summer yet???

I’ve been training my entire life for this.

Update 4/25/2011: This event has been CANCELED 🙁 The light at the end of the tunnel just got dimmer.

Update 4/28/2011: Boomers is having a Food Trucks & Fun event from Friday 5/20 to Sunday 5/22 with over 20 gourmet food trucks from SD/LA!

Sometimes I like to go all out and have another Asian hook up my toes.

Yesterday, I had some QT and a much needed pedi with the bestie and her mini-me before meeting up with the girls for some late night sushi and laughs.

Can every day be like this?

At Alicia’s dirty thirty last night, I realized that A) I should just automatically assume that every guy who pursues me is in a relationship (as my ongoing track record suggests) and B) maybe I shouldn’t have worn leggings. I can’t even tell you how many people grabbed my ass! I went home alone last night and I’m not gonna lie, I feel pretty good about not having to take a shame shower. I don’t care how hot you are (or how drunk I am), some guys just aren’t worth the trouble… I may have woken up this morning with dollar bills in my bra and a serious hangover, but at least I still had my dignity!

This must be how Reese Witherspoon felt in Pleasantville when she started reading books and stopped being such a whore.

Going to Chez Nous and not getting a spicy chicken melt is like going to Outback and not getting steak. Today, I did both.

My coworker’s husband brought me a fruit salad for lunch instead of my usual spicy chicken melt, and for a delicious second, I thought that the nectarine strips were fries. After work, I went to Outback for Alicia’s birthday dinner and ate grilled fish while everyone (including the 7-year-old sitting next to me) ate steak.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I just won another baby gift for my favorite mommy-to-be, Chel!

Last week, I won Cloud B’s Sleep Sheep Giveaway, and this weekend I won A Nation of Moms’ Bumbo Seat and Play Tray Giveaway!

I should really start entering contests for myself. Mama needs a new KitchenAid Stand Mixer.

I’m going to Vegas this weekend, and one of the outfits I packed was my gym clothes. What has my life come to? I’m crazy competitive, and I won’t let one weekend in Vegas ruin my #1 status in this @MindzAlike #BLC.

I will eat your babies, bitch! And I’ll lose weight doing it, too 😉

Monster Ball with the bestie last night! Gaga is one crazy ass bitch, and I love her for it. Yes, I’m a little monster, and I’ll be one until she shanks someone dear to my heart. What of it?

Lady Gaga – No Way
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Lady%20Gaga-No%20Way.mp3]

HENRY: I didn’t want to tell you, because as long as you didn’t know, there was still… I don’t know… some fantasy where you and I could be together.
BETTY: Sometimes we want things to be different. We think maybe if we pretend that they are… fool people… that’s enough. But it never is.

I have a habit of getting addicted to shows after they’ve already been canceled. And I hate when they say, “To be continued…” at the end of an episode, because even when it’s past my bedtime, I have to continue.

Today was especially rough.

I was sitting here after my workout, watching Unwrapped: Sandwiches on the Food Network (torture, I know). They featured the Grilled Cheese Invitational in LA, and I decided that this event would be well deserved after the @MindzAlike #BLC was over. I googled it, and of course it’s happening the weekend before this BLC ends! Boo whore. That would have been the ultimate celebratory meal.

Five weeks left, and I’m on top with over 20 pounds lost. Those delicious grilled cheese sandwiches will just have to wait till next year…

Winning is sort of my thing.

I won tickets to Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways show. I won Glee’s Karaoke Revolution Wii game on Twitter. I won a Linkin Park tour poster and guitar pick in a Foursquare contest I wasn’t even aware I was participating in (and they accidentally sent me my prize twice!). I joined my friend Alicia’s Survivor pool and won, even though I’ve never watched an episode of Survivor in my life. And I literally sweated my ass off and won my company’s #BLC!

Since my favorite preggo, Chel, is expecting her firstborn, I thought I would use my good luck to win stuff for her and the baby. I entered a bunch of baby contests, and today I won a Sleep Sheep and Sleep Sheep On The Go from Cloud B! It’s supposed to help even the fussiest babies fall asleep… I’m sure it’ll be put to good use while mommy and I enjoy a cocktail 😉

As a result of my second workout today, not only did I unlock Foursquare’s Gym Rat badge, but I also received an eyeful of some lady’s bearded clam! Yikes.

If you’re going to unleash your cat in the ladies locker room, can you at least have the decency to groom it?

So inconsiderate.

Me: they’re in for a serious rude awakening at the weigh-in tomorrow
Pammie: they’re gonna rue the day they met us bitches! rue!

Between the two of us, Pammie and I have lost over 25* pounds in this @MindzAlike #BLC so far! We don’t fuck around.

Six weeks to catch up, suckas.

*Update – 3/20/2011: 30 pounds now 😉 What a difference a two-a-day can make…

I haven’t had a vacation in… what year is it now?

My Hawaii trip with the girls was before Chel got married, before Pammie bought a condo in the OC, before Shi was the maid of honor in three different weddings, and before I sold my soul to the company I work for. I only have ten months left till my dirty thirty, and I’d like to live a little before I start extreme couponing for Olay Regenerist. Just kidding. I’m Asian—I fully intend to look like I’m twenty-something well into my forties.

With two new graphic design interns starting this month, I think I might be able to take an actual vacation this summer. And maybe I’ll even be bikini-ready by then! Okay, maybe just tankini-ready… let’s not write checks my body can’t cash.

Anthony: crab hut tomorrow?
Me: i can’t 🙁 i have a weigh-in this weekend.
Anthony: let me know when this contest that appears to be ruining your life is over and we can go to crab hut. i mean, i can only go there in the company of celebs, such as those who have their pic on the wall.

The fact that I’m willing to risk my Crab Hut mayorship and dukedom alone should strike fear in the eyes of my fellow @MindzAlike #BLC participants.

Oh, Starbucks… you and your complimentary mini cupcakes can’t break me. I’ll stick to my zero calorie iced green tea with two splendas, thank you very much.

Between going to the gym at an ungodly hour, working 9-5, and circuit training with Arlene after work, I barely have enough time and energy to take a shower and do some light internet stalking before I cry myself to sleep at night out of hunger.

This pretty much sums up the next seven weeks of my life. FML.

Marion, I just stumbled upon your blog last night and spent hours reading all of your past entries up to 2007. I just couldn’t stop! You’re so incredibly witty. I’m sorry if I come off like a creepster, but I just thought that I would let you know that your blog brings a smile to my face.

Thanks, Min! 🙂 I read on your blog that your dog smells distinctly like Fritos, and I was just telling Rocky last night that he smelled like corn chips (a sign we were meant to cross paths, obvi).

Ohhh, so this is what 6am looks like.

I just want to put Chachi in my pocket and keep her forever.

I’m not gonna lie—my ass is pretty crucial.

My friend Rome once told me that I had an onion booty, and if he bit it, he would cry.

It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Garlic parm fries + spaghetti and meatball torpasta from Devine Pastabilities FTW.

I’ve been carbo-loading this whole week in preparation for the @MindzAlike #BLC initial weigh-in on Sunday.

I plan on winning all your monies, bitches. The only thing I ever lose is pounds 😉

Jesse: hipster alert
Me: what’s she wearing?
Jesse: all black. rivers cuomo glasses.
Me: wait, are you talking about me or the girl who’s here for the interview???

LOLOL. I just sprayed bits of spicy chicken melt all over my work monitor.

This scenario is entirely within the realm of possibility after Belle has her baby this summer.

I love when my preggo co-worker’s husband brings her Chez Nous, because that means I get Chez Nous, too! Their spicy chicken melt fixes things in the universe. Throw in some garlic parm fries, and we have a meal I’d ask to marry me.

Ain’t no party like a Hi-Chew party, ’cause a Hi-Chew party don’t stop!

This was me realizing that my blouse was unbuttoned and my boobs were exposed after I interviewed this tall drink of water who applied for our graphic design internship today.

Tina Cohen-Chang is officially living my life.

I’m looking for a graphic design intern to assist me with overflow work. If you’re well-versed in Photoshop/HTML, don’t mind working with a bunch of female twenty-somethings, and kick ass in Taboo, please respond to our Craigslist ad here.

Needless to say, the guy who sent me his cover letter in Comic Sans will not be getting a call back from me.

Errol: our boxing coach puts a 20 pound medicine ball on your lower back so you don’t put your butt up when you’re doing planks
Me: dude i totally put my butt up when it gets hard
Errol: that’s what she said!

nedhepburn:

Goapele at Anthology last night with my faves ♥

Linkin Park is only following 28 people on Twitter, and I’m one of them! (Yes, they’re probably only following me to DM me about their contest I won that I didn’t even know I was entering when I checked into their show on Foursquare, but still!)

Now who do I have to bone to get @joelmchale to follow me?

The last time I saw Linkin Park was on their Meteora tour in 2004 from the nosebleed section. Tonight, I got to see Mike Shinoda’s handsome face from ten feet away in the pit! My favorite performance was of One Step Closer, the first Linkin Park song I ever heard. Definitely takes me back!

Pammie and I watched Sam the Cooking Guy teach us how to cook our own food, then we let those lessons marinate while someone else cooked us dinner at Banbu Sushi.

Arlene’s 7-year-old daughter, Gisella, made me a Valentine’s Day card at school because she knew I didn’t have a Valentine this year. Thanks for the reminder, kid! Haha. I love that little munchkin. I would pin her card up in my cube at work, but it’d be overshadowed by Belle’s gaggle of heart-shaped balloons!

I got my sexy new monitor at work today:

Jesse: all the girls were gushing when belle & jen got their flowers & balloons & shit
Me: oh for fuck’s sake… good thing i was off on monday
Jesse: it was pretty barftastic… not that we’re bitter or anything
Me: pfffft. who needs a man when i have 27″ right here in my face?

I expected it to be harder (that’s what she said).

Till next season, Angry Birds…

It’s Monday. It’s Valentine’s Day. Some deep tissue action at Zen Sanctuary was def necessary.

Adele – Someone Like You (Live Acoustic)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Adele – Someone Like You (Live Acoustic).mp3]

I heard that you’re settled down
That you found a girl and you’re married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you

When I came into work on Friday, they told all the employees we were going to have a mandatory meeting at noon. Jesse and I went crazy trying to figure out what sparked this unexpected meeting—Were they laying people off? Did they find out that Jesse drank that unclaimed Red Bull in the fridge? Are my yoga pants too casual for Casual Friday???

Four hours later, I found out that my stomach fell out of my butt for nothing. They surprised us with a 30-minute break from work to play Taboo: Marketing vs. Customer Service!

Krystal: It’s something you might eat for breakfast
Me: Pancakes. French toast. Eggs. A biscuit!
Krystal: It’s fluffier.
Me: What’s fluffier than a biscuit???

We won (even though I couldn’t think of anything fluffier than a biscuit), so the customer service department has to make us coffee every day next week!

My annual review was amazeballs, my boss ordered me a 27″ cinema display to show her appreciation, and our marketing team smoked customer service in Taboo. Work was def good to me this week.

I don’t want to see my colon tonight, guys.

Quote of the night.

Just when I thought I had nothing to live for… Prepare for total destruction, bitches.

This was me planning my exit strategy out of bed this morning.

I skipped our workout tonight for Mary’s birthday dinner, so Arlene told me to “prepare for a beat down” tomorrow. Yikes. Does carbo-loading with Hot Hot Mexican rolls from Sushi Deli 2 count as preparation?

Antho freestyling to Bel Biv Devoe’s Poison on Dance Central = highlight of my weekend.

Prince Erik: People in love don’t try to kill each other.
Nikita: Are you serious?

When I’m not getting my ass handed to me by Arlene, I like to go to the gym and take turbo kickboxing classes. Or walk barefoot on shards of glass—pretty much any activity that’s less painful than working out with that crazy Mexican. I was early for kickboxing tonight, so instead of warming up on the treadmill, I played Angry Birds on my phone in the ladies locker room. This girl came in and asked me what time it was and if I was going to kickboxing. We started chatting, walked to the class together, and ended up working out next to each other. I don’t normally stay for abs at the end of class, but I didn’t want to look like a little bitch in front of my new buddy, Coleen, so I pushed through it. Afterward, she offered me her number so that we could go to classes together, and I found myself agreeing to work out with her Saturday morning. So not only do I get tortured by Arlene five times a week, I now have a gym buddy to push me at what’s supposed to be my safe haven away from Arlene! Why do Mexican girls always want to be my friend??? LOL. Ay guey.

Is this where I’m going to die?

Between the two of us, Pammie and I know eighteen* girls who got knocked up last year. Eighteen*. Can we all just take a second to acknowledge how ridiculously high that number is? It’s only January, and I’ve already been invited to three baby showers. We’ve clearly been using the iPeriod app for different reasons.

*Update: Nineteen (damn it, Belle!)

Some people pass through your life and you never think about them again. Some you think about and wonder what ever happened to them. Some you wonder if they ever wonder what happened to you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.

When Arlene told me that we were going to do the “Spartacus” workout tonight, I expected there to be blood and sand.

This was worse.

I’m pretty sure Arlene tried to kill us last night.

The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd; the longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.

Most of E’s party was spent trying to keep Vince’s baby from crying while resisting the urge to go back to the taco truck for seconds. I didn’t succeed at either.

I don’t look half this cute when I’m pounding the treadmill.

My friend, Arlene, has given birth to four kids (including twins!) in the past decade, but you’d never be able to tell by looking at her. When she offered to whip my ass into shape this past weekend, I was at my ex’s sister’s wedding, surrounded by my ex’s entire family, and taking advantage of the open bar. And maybe the mini donut vendor, too. Clearly, I was at my most vulnerable when I agreed to let her train me!

We had our first boot camp session last night, and I feel lighter already. But that might be because I threw up during our workout. Three times.

Bitch doesn’t fuck around.

The girls and I went to Hawaii a few years ago, and Chris, the parasailing instructor from Seabreeze Water Sports, was the highlight of my trip! Christine vacationed in Hawaii this past weekend and Chris was still there. And still hot. And still half naked. He literally charmed her panties off. Just kidding. (It was a bathing suit bottom!)

When are we going back?!

You heard of Lago de Luz? At night, the algae lights up… looks like millions of fireflies trapped just underneath the water… flapping their wings, trying to break free. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen. Beautiful.

I want to go to there.

My fave performance of the night! 30 Seconds to Mars is easily one of the top five bands I’ve seen live.

Things I loved about my birthday:

• Sushi at Ra
• 30 Seconds to Mars show with the girls
• Celebrating my 29th with Christine’s 30th!
• The 188.9 miles Pammie drove to spend my birthday with me
• Jessie remembering that I don’t like buttercream frosting
• The laptop desk that Shi and Chel gave me (and the way its microsuede cushion feels on my bare thighs)
• The 1×2" MS Paint printout of my gelaskin that’s arriving in the mail
• The lotto scratchers that Jay gave me and the whopping $14 I won off of them
• The Amazon gift card that Jessie and Christine gave me and the four pounds of protein powder I bought with it
• The dominant homeless woman on 5th Avenue
• The voice mail from my favorite Mexicans singing me happy birthday
• Shi singing “Viva Las Vegas”
• Officer Dick

One year left in my twenties, ya’ll. Hope it’s a good one!

Ellen: [About him and Michelle Williams] I like you individually, I like you as a couple, I don’t know if you guys are a couple, you’re being cagey about it, I know that. If you’re a couple I’m all for it. Wait, you’re pedaling faster, what’s happening?
Ryan: I’m trying to get away from this conversation.

Penny & The Quarters – You and Me
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Penny and the Quarters – You and Me.mp3]

I started my birthday week how I usually do—with a good cry and a hot bearded fellow (in this case, Ryan Gosling).

Can’t wait to watch Blue Valentine tonight with the girls!

Shirley: You don’t have a bag?
Jeff: I could never deprive the world of the portion of my chest the strap would cover.

Fuck, I love me some Joel McHale ♥

Happy anniversary from someone who knows more about the inner workings of your marriage than any third party should.

I would not be mad if this kid fell out of my uterus. If watching this video doesn’t fill your heart with joy, then you are dead to me.

Yes, I realize there’s more footage of food than there is of my grandma. Get off me.

I’m sick in bed and googling pictures of kittens while listening to country music. I’m like an old white lady. Except I’m twenty something. And Asian. And hardly a lady, depending on who you ask.

I can finally have my life back.

(This is why I’m single.)

Should I consider it a warning sign that all the presents I got for Christmas revolve around food and liquor?

• Tickets to Sam the Cooking Guy Live!
• Sam the Cooking Guy: Season 2 DVD
• Anthropologie gift card for a Kitchen Apron
• Calphalon Classic Nonstick Bakeware
• Pillsbury Fast & Healthy Cookbook
• Moscato Wine
• What’s New, Cupcake? Cookbook
• Big Top Cupcake Silicone Bakeware
• Cocktail Stirrers, Drink Charms, Deluxe Straws & Cocktail Jigger

You guys know me so well.

Chel gave me this awesome idea to put red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting inside jars for the holidays! Could these be any cuter???

I’ve been winning tons of stuff lately… an autographed CD from Meaghan Smith, Konami’s Glee Karaoke Revolution Wii game, that pizza eating contest at Marechiaro’s… (is it a contest if I’m the only one participating?)

Last week, I won tickets for Day 10 of The Ellen DeGeneres Show’s 12 Days of Giveaways! Pammie was the one who signed me up in the first place, so I took her with me to the taping in LA. It was one of the best days of my life, and I’m not lying like I usually am when I say that.

We laughed at Ellen’s jokes, drooled over Mark Wahlberg, listened to Olivia Wilde talk about Tron, danced with Ciara as she performed her new single, and screamed as Ellen unveiled all the Amazon.com gifts we were going home with:

• Amazon Denim Shop Gift Card, $100
• PlayStation 3 320GB System and Sports Champion Move Bundle, $399.99
• Rock Band 3, $59.99
• Rock Band 3 Wireless Keyboard, $79.99
• Plantronics Voyager PRO PLUS Bluetooth Headset, $99.99
• TomTom GPS Go 2405TM with Lifetime Traffic & Maps, $299.95
• Basic Instinct by Ciara, $11.98
• Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi, $25.99
• Kindle Wireless Reading Device, $139.00
• Panasonic TA-1 Ultrathin HD Pocket Camcorder, $169.95
• Calphalon Unison Nonstick 8-Piece Cookware Set, $499.99
• Calphalon No Peek Waffle Maker, $99.99

Whoever said that material things can’t fill the void in your life has never been given $500 worth of Calphalon Cookware, obvi.

Happy 31st birthday to my old friend Jed, the only person who replied to my Craigslist ad about my dining set:

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY — AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

I can also offer 80 bucks but it’s in confederate money. I don’t know if it’s still good.
E-mail me back here. I can pick up anytime today.

I’m still waiting for my picture of a bike. In .jpg format.

• The Town DVD from Amazon, $17.99
  Ben Affleck grows a fierce beard (and does some other stuff, too) in this movie.
• Apron (any style) from Anthropologie, $28.00-$38.00
  I love to bake, and I’m pretty sure my treats would taste even better if I made them while wearing this fabulous apron.
• Laptop Desk (Walnut with Chocolate Cushion) from Brookstone, $29.95
  I like to browse the interwebs how I like to do most other things—in bed with no pants on.
• Madison Op Art Sateen Large Wristlet (Black/Silver) from Coach, $98.00
  I once left my whole purse inside Macy’s. And lost my wallet in Vegas. And found my ATM card in the freezer. Clearly, I need a purse that attaches to my wrist.
• External Hard Drive (1TB) from Amazon, $78.99
  Jay’s folder labeled "NOT PORN" is taking up too much space on my desktop. There really isn’t any porn in there, but it does have R. Kelly’s entire discography (which might actually be worse, I think).
• Stella Im Hultberg’s “Never Mind” Gelaskin (iPhone 4) from Gelaskins, $14.95
  I want this partly because Stella is my favorite artist, but mostly because the bottom corner of my phone is chipped from dropping it.
• Pink with a Splash All-Over Body Mist from Victoria’s Secret, $15, 2/$22, 3/$30
  There are eight different scents, and they all smell delicious. Pick one (or eight).

Unlike previous years, I tried to make my list somewhat affordable, hence the missing KitchenAid Stand Mixer (a wish list staple of mine). I still want it, though. In Onyx Black. Just sayin’.

Fiiiiiinally checked Neon Trees off my concert bucket list! More videos here.

Zooey & Conan & Christmas ♥

Watching my co-workers eat bird portions while I scarf down Taco Fiesta has shamed me into eating healthier.

Belle made us these yummy stuffed bell peppers on Monday:

Last night, I attempted to make us a spicy turkey sausage and mushroom pizza:

Yes, I cooked. And yes, that’s reduced-fat mozzarella. On a whole wheat pizza crust.

I don’t even know who I am right now.

Neon Trees – Wish List
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Neon Trees – Wish List.mp3]

The girls and I are doing a gift exchange via Elfster this year. Gifts in our collective wish list include: red tights (not footless), San Diego Chargers hipster panties, an Aveda gift card, and Kid Rainen from the Jabbawockeez.

(I’m pretty sure the latter exceeds our previously agreed upon $30 limit, Chris!)

Lia and her BFF at the Boardwalk on her birthday (aka Alicia and me, the early years):

They see me rollin’. They hatin’.

Mini cheesecake pan, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, don’t you?

I died when I watched this scene. DIED!

1. In elementary school, I was cast as the glow worm in “James & the Giant Peach” and had to wear a bright turquoise leotard in front of the entire school. My only line was “I’m trying,” and I had to pretend that light was shining out of my ass. Needless to say, it was the beginning and end of my acting career.
2. I once had a tiny cut in my neck that bled for 24 hours straight. I went to the hospital and the doctor gave me two shots in the neck before cauterizing it. The night before, Jay wanted to attempt a DIY cauterizing job with a barbecue skewer lit from the stove at Beejaye’s house, but I would rather risk bleeding to death than have Jay light me on fire.
3. I’ve had thirteen jobs in thirteen years. The longest I’ve been at a job is three years at my current graphic design position. The shortest was my month-long stint as a barista (all the coffee in Starbucks couldn’t keep me awake during my 5am shifts).
4. The only solo I sang during my show choir days was for “When You Believe” from “The Prince of Egypt” soundtrack. Over a decade has passed, but I’m pretty sure I remember my Hebrew solo bringing the entire audience to its knees.

Oh, Jordan Catalano. I’d let you make out with me in the boiler room, even though you’d just ignore me at the Buffalo Tom show afterward. I can’t wait to see you on my birthday!

I can’t decide if I’m more excited about the Cranberry Bliss Bar being back at Starbucks or my mini cheesecake pans arriving in the mail today. What has my life come to?

Nothing in this universe happens just once. Infinity goes in both directions. There is no unique event, no singular moment. It means you will get another chance.

Things I’ve learned during my weekend getaway with the girls:

• One of us can make it work with only seven toes.
• One of us cried tears of joy this week.
• One of us can die happy now after kissing a Jabbawockee.
• One of us is willing to be the sacrificial lamb.
• One of us is moved to tears by gay show choirs.

  Dalton Academy Warblers – Teenage Dream (Katy Perry cover)
  [audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Glee Cast – Teenage Dream.mp3]

BEST. TRIP. EVER.

You told me I was just like you the other day, and I can’t think of a better compliment ♥

I tried three estheticians before discovering Linda at Viva Brazil. And when I showed up for my appointment this afternoon, my stomach fell out of my butt when they informed me that Linda had called in sick. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t let just anyone touch my vagina! After having survived our waxings with Margarita, Pammie and I had a celebratory lunch at Phil’s BBQ where we ran into my BFF and her fam. How dare she eat there without me??? At least she let us cut in line 🙂

I literally judge books by their cover, and Something Borrowed caught my eye five years ago. It was so good that I spread it like herpes and gave it to all my girlfriends. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought it was amazeballs, and it has been turned into a movie! It won’t be released till next year, but the girls and I attended a private screening of it last night. I expected to be disappointed, as I usually am with film adaptations of books I’ve read (The Da Vinci Code, Twilight), but the four of us who have read the book thought the movie did it justice, and my other two friends loved it without having read the book first. I think I’ve said all I’m legally allowed to say per the confidentiality agreement I had to sign, but I can’t wait for the movie to be released next year so I can watch it again (and see if my anonymous suggestion for more shots of Colin Egglesfield with his shirt off was taken into consideration).

Last Halloween, I woke up face down in a hotel bathroom and endured the walk of shame (and by shame I mean glory) downtown in my costume the next morning. This year, I decided to keep a low profile and skip Halloween altogether. Instead, I spent the weekend moving all my extra furniture out of my overpriced storage unit. All I have left in there is my lovesac and dining table, so make sure to check out my listings while you’re perusing the casual encounters section of Craigslist if you’re interested.

I spent most of Saturday afternoon loading everything into the U-haul with the help of my mom and sister. Moving furniture ruins relationships, and I’m surprised we’re all still speaking after this weekend! I thanked them with Phil’s, so I’m pretty sure I’m forgiven for those three painful hours of labor. Sunday, though? Not so much…

While I was grateful that Jessie took my sectional off my hands, I was less enthused about the fact that she lives on the fifth floor of her building. Three girls moving two couches down a busy street in Little Italy was truly a sight to behold. We tried to get some boys to help us beforehand, but we were 0 for 3. One of my friends said he had to go to work on his day off to show his Halloween costume, another had to help his mom with her political campaign, and the maintenance guy at her building did not seem at all interested in lending a hand. Whatever happened to chivalry? My entire body’s sore now, jerks.

We did everything short of bending time and space to get those couches into Jessie’s condo. She rewarded us with some chocolate cupcakes with pumpkin cream cheese frosting that she whipped up in her KitchenAid stand mixer. Not only does she now have my beloved microsuede sectional, but she also has the appliance of my dreams. At least she’s allowing me visitation rights! Afterward, we still had to go up to the OC to drop off the U-haul at Pammie’s. While we were putting together her bed, we heard the doorbell ring and thought it was the takeout we ordered, but it was a bunch of kids in costumes! In all this furniture hoopla, we had completely forgotten about Halloween.

Linkin Park – Waiting For The End
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Linkin Park – Waiting For The End.mp3]

Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go

After another heartbreaking Charger loss, Jay, Pammie and I ate our feelings at Cafe Hue and Crab Hut (where I finally regained my title as mayor! Suck it, Lindsay C.).

Brunch with my sister at The Mission this morning. She always orders savory, while I order sweet, and then we switch plates afterward. We’re total opposites, and I’m pretty sure the only thing we have in common is our love for fine dining. And our nose.

I know five* couples who have called it quits these past few weeks. Okay so maybe three of those couples are celebrities. Technicalities. Nobody stays together anymore… not even Christina Aguilera and her husband.

I met up with the girls and Anthony for sushi and drinks last night. As I listened to them talk about broken engagements, unofficial relationships, ex’s reaching out to them while they’re married… I had absolutely nothing to add to the conversation in regard to myself, and I guess that’s a good thing for once. So much for happy hour! Almost everyone I know is in some kind of relationship, whether it’s between a husband and wife, a man and someone else’s wife, a girl and her long distance love, or a boy and his fleshlight. Even though I miss being in a relationship sometimes, I don’t miss all the drama that comes along with it, and was happy to drink my mai tai in silence.

*Update: Six couples now. 2010 has def been the year of babies and breakups.

Broken Social Scene – 7/4 (Shoreline)
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/Broken Social Scene – 7-4 Shoreline.mp3]

Movie night with Shi on Friday. We watched Easy A, and it was hilarious! Def the funniest movie I’ve seen this year. Kind of makes me want to censor what I post on here. And possibly get checked for chlamydia.

Lunch and lingerie with the bestie on Saturday. Domo Sushi was fab, although as far as sushi in east county goes, my heart belongs to Banbu. The sushi at Domo is crazy cheap, however. The Mexican roll was half off at $4, and I’ve never gotten a Mexican roll for that cheap (or without consequences) before. Alicia is celebrating her 15-year anniversary with Ray next weekend. Their relationship has lasted longer than the sum of all my relationships. And I’m even counting the online boyfriend I had for a brief moment in 1997. This occasion clearly warranted two hours of lingerie shopping at Parkway Plaza. All I went home with was some Starbucks and ideas for my future boyfriend. Boo whore.

On Sunday, I got up at an ungodly hour to make strides against breast cancer with the women in my family. Afterward, we had brunch at Brian’s to celebrate Chel’s birthday. Seven chicken and waffles, please! YUM. I did not feel the least bit guilty after having just walked 5K in the rain. Christine 1up’d us and ran the Nike Women’s (Half) Marathon in SF! While we didn’t run 13 miles and weren’t greeted at the finish line with firemen in tuxedos handing out Tiffany necklaces (lucky!), we walked for a great cause and in memory of my aunt. It’s not too late to make a donation towards breast cancer research here.

Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

Craft & Commerce & Casbah with Jessie last night. She’s an old friend, but my newest concert buddy!

We met up at Craft & Commerce in Little Italy for dinner and drinks. Our bartender, Frank, was truly a man after my own heart. From his plaid button down shirt with his rolled up sleeves, to his mustache, to the artful way he shook those cocktails with such conviction… I don’t normally like mustaches when they aren’t accompanied by a beard, but I think I can make an exception this time. Jessie and I shared the Mother’s Ruin punch bowl. It’s supposed to serve four, but the two of us drank it for dinner. Jessie called it “Frank’s punch,” but Frank told us that his punch packs a bigger bite! Yeah, that’s pretty much when my panties fell off. We were so full off of drinks that we barely touched our appetizers. Jessie had the bacon-wrapped corn dogs, while I ordered my newest obsession, Devils on Horseback (applewood bacon-wrapped dates stuffed with cheese). C&C is home to bacon-wrapped deliciousness, and they even have ice cream sandwiches with candied bacon in it. Def not your typical bar fare!

A corn dog and a couple of dates weren’t enough to soak up all that alcohol, so we walked our drunk asses nine blocks to the Casbah to see Blind Pilot. Even though we were surrounded by freakishly tall hipsters sipping PBR and blocking our view, I really enjoyed the music and spending time with an old friend.

Halloween is just around the corner, and I’ve decided to sell my old costumes on eBay since I’m never going to wear them again (unless you’re into that sort of thing). Perusing my collection, I’ve realized that I’m (A) too old to be dressing up for Halloween and (B) a slut.

Um, was Charlie Hunnam’s beard always this thick? Or is it just getting hot in here? I’m deeply concerned by this blonde infiltration of my Freebie Five.