BEARD MAGIC HEALS EVERYTHING.
This is only the best e-card anyone has ever made me.
Thanks, Zack (and Levi!) ♥

Beards are my kryptonite. So are neck bites.

Oh my Milo. Mob City has arrived.

Just Adam Levine being the light of my life as usual.

I literally cannot even. I am unable to even. I have lost my ability to even.

Fuck, Marlon Brando was such a babe ♥

My mom just texted me a screenshot of this puzzle she’s been doing on her iPad.
You guys, this is my future.

I would eat this up in the morning. And then have him cook me breakfast afterwards 😉

Sarcastic asshole? Check.
Man’s man? Check.
Danny Castellano is clearly my type.

Holy pelvic thrust, Robin!

Did anyone else spend their Saturday night in their bra and underwear watching JGL on SNL???

Yeah, me either.

I’m pretty sure this is what will be waiting for me on the other side when my time comes.

Spring Valley: Where Paul Walker gets his fabulous $10 hair cuts (but only on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays).

Smolderhalder and one of the free Fifty Shades pins they were giving out at Comic Con!

The net worth of that pin just went up. A lot.

Fuck, can I get pregnant from this???

Milo Ventimiglia—a founding member of my freebie five—is suiting up as a mob lawyer in Frank Darabont’s new TNT drama, L.A. Noir.

Mel has been working on the MTV Movie Awards all week and was able to get me and Shi into an advance screening of Magic Mike plus Q&A with Channing Tatum in LA last night!

I. CAN’T. EVEN.

More photos here.

I read Fifty Shades of Grey almost immediately after I heard that Ian Somerhalder—a permanent resident in my freebie five—might play the lead in the film adaptation. Also, the mention of a ‘sex chamber’ may or may not have swayed my decision.

My ovaries would explode if any of these guys got picked to play Christian Grey (left to right: Ian Somerhalder, Wes Bentley, Matt Bomer):

Clearly, I have a type!

I finished reading it in less than 24 hours. Never has a book left me so satiated… It’s so jaw-droppingly sexy that I’m not sure how they’re going to make it a movie without it being illegal in some small countries!

I wish my friends would read it already so I could have someone to discuss it with. This must be how those b’s felt about me and Breaking Dawn—I’ve been trying to finish the last book of the Twilight saga since 2008, but all my attempts to read it end with me throwing it across the room in hysterics.

On to Fifty Shades Darker! Laters, baby 😉

Adam Levine’s supermodel girlfriend dumped him and his delicious beard ten days ago, and I’m just finding out about it now???

Clearly, I’m following the wrong people on Twitter.

Fuck, I love me some Seneca Crane. Any chance those were non-toxic berries at the end of the movie?

I went home sick from work today. Besides drinking my weight in orange juice, I’ve been staring at this picture of Adam Levine for the past twenty minutes… and probably for another ten.

And THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love Mexicans 24 year olds Mark Sanchez.

The only thing better than Ryan Gosling in a suit is Ryan Gosling eating pizza in a suit. That slice from Sbarro bumps this animated gif up from a 10 to an 11!

Now who do I have to sleep with around here for someone to seed this Crazy Stupid Love torrent that’s been stuck at 56% for the past three hours???

Yes, I got Jason Statham confused with Chandler Bing. And yes, this pretty much sums up what the rest of my day at work looked like.

After conquering the pink card, I like to go home and reward myself by watching The Voice on mute and staring at Adam Levine’s delicious beard.

I’m still sick, so I’m lying in bed with tissues lodged up my left nostril, coughing up my insides and watching this video of Paul Walker on repeat.

Boys, try not to fall in love with me.

The girls and I went to Hawaii a few years ago, and Chris, the parasailing instructor from Seabreeze Water Sports, was the highlight of my trip! Christine vacationed in Hawaii this past weekend and Chris was still there. And still hot. And still half naked. He literally charmed her panties off. Just kidding. (It was a bathing suit bottom!)

When are we going back?!

Ellen: [About him and Michelle Williams] I like you individually, I like you as a couple, I don’t know if you guys are a couple, you’re being cagey about it, I know that. If you’re a couple I’m all for it. Wait, you’re pedaling faster, what’s happening?
Ryan: I’m trying to get away from this conversation.

Shirley: You don’t have a bag?
Jeff: I could never deprive the world of the portion of my chest the strap would cover.

Fuck, I love me some Joel McHale ♥

Oh, Jordan Catalano. I’d let you make out with me in the boiler room, even though you’d just ignore me at the Buffalo Tom show afterward. I can’t wait to see you on my birthday!

Um, was Charlie Hunnam’s beard always this thick? Or is it just getting hot in here? I’m deeply concerned by this blonde infiltration of my Freebie Five.

Watching Takers with the girls last night sparked a new found interest in Paul Walker. YOWZA. I love a man in a suit, whether it be business or birthday 😉

More photos of Paul Walker suited up in GQ here.

Update: I just watched Paul Walker in Running Scared, and apparently I also love a man in a plaid button down with a gun in his hand. He is GANGSTA in this movie! And now he has officially taken up permanent residence in my Freebie Five.

(image via ohfuckyeahjosephgordon-levitt)

I mean… is this kid 18 yet? I need to know this information before I comment on his V-line.

How have I not heard about this movie till now? Considering Joseph Gordon Levitt and Leo DiCaprio were both (at one time or another) in my Freebie Five, my vagina could not be more excited.

I officially became a soccer fan at 2:12.

I’ve got such a boner for beards.

Pajiba.com came out with a random list of the Five Most Impressive Beards in Hollywood. Ryan Reynolds rightfully snagged #5, while the #1 beard went to Katie Holmes LOL.

Yowza.

(image via fuckyeahrdj)

Ian Somerhalder needs to have my babies already.

Did I mention how much I love the Winter Olympics???

I’m not gonna lie—my vagina is pretty excited.

I love you, Mark Sanchez, but my San Diego Chargers are gonna kick your beautiful ass today. BOLTS, BABY!