(via @davi87dp)

I’ve never felt more seen/personally attacked in my life 😅

I did this while watching a movie with a boy on a train once. I hate that guy now and use wireless Beats By Dre headphones so no one talks to me when I’m wearing them.

Follow me for more tips on being unapproachable 😆

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I am her. She is me. We are us.

• ‘You can just move all that’ is something you’ve heard me say if you’ve ever been in my car – Also, if you’re gonna make me drive, you get what you get ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
• I once got a ticket in DTLA for having expired vehicle registration tags on the first day they expired (July 1st!). My bad, eagle eye! I didn’t even get pulled over for any reason other than expired tags.
• Even though I work from home, my phone is almost always dead 😅

I bought these mints off Instagram, partly because I’m the ultimate consumer, but mostly because I get severe cottonmouth whenever I take gummies (I only take them when I go to a concert or get anxious – so all the time 😅).

But I just saw this TikTok reel promoting the same product for something else entirely – ‘sloppy toppy’ 😳

*googles wtf is sloppy toppy*

(not me thinking it was some bullshit gen-z slang like ‘rawdog’ which used to mean something sexual in my day LOL, but now is totally innocent)

…guess I’ll just keep them in my box of shame, along with my other toys 😅

(via @localspookydude)

(via @jessicastocker_)

Oh, so we just all have the same type now? 😆

I don’t need Yahoo Answers to tell me I’m not pregnant – I just crave pickles and ice cream like I’m eating for two 😆

(via @javadoodles)

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BRB, adding ‘doordash and smash’ to my list of hobbies under my Tinder bio.

(via @abe.gatling)

It’s on sight! 🫡

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My sister and I both got our hair cut one time, and we each got a different stylist, but were seated next to each other. My stylist was talking to me the entire time, and Pammie and her stylist barely exchanged two words. By the end of the cut, my stylist had invited me to her house for Christmas (it was around the holidays). IDK if it’s because my sister has RBF LOL or because I just look friendly, but strangers always talk to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Another time, I remember taking a long drive with an ex, and by the end of the car ride, I realized I was the only one doing the talking, and I was like, ‘How come you’re not saying anything?’ and he was like, ‘Well, I couldn’t get a word in.’ 😳 My bad for being engaging!

You’ll drive in my car
Just tell me we are going somewhere

Since the stroke, I try not to speak as much. The stroke altered my speech, so it’s delayed and most people have a hard time understanding me. Even when someone is talking, and I have a great anecdote to add that totally relates, I usually refrain from saying it because most people don’t have the patience to hear me try to get it out (including me).

I gave my dad a Birdbuddy last Christmas, and birds would visit it daily. He took it down when my parents went on vacation, and he hasn’t put it back up yet, so I borrowed it and put it on my balcony. It’s been out there for 3 weeks now, and not one bird has visited me 😭 And there’s a thick line of trees in front of my building, too, so I know there’s birds out there.

Anyway, I’m just trying to navigate this post-stroke world, where people and birds aren’t attracted to my energy anymore 😅

Update: NM, I’m good with no birds ✌🏼

Pammie and her husband always complain about the birds waking them up at an unholy hour, too – it’s not the dulcet tones of birds chirping, either, it’s something more akin to this Tyler the Creator bullshit 😆

(via @stargurl771)

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My sister’s husband DM’d me this reel today, and I’ve never felt more seen 🔪

(via @connor.connor.connor)

May this kind of love find me 😂

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Y’all ain’t never went through no hard shit before, and it shows 😆

(via @doctorwaffle86)

We’re all just searching for someone whose weirdness matches ours 🐔🍌🫠

(via @_natalieperkins_)

First, Theo from The Cosby Show dies, then Ozzy Osbourne, now Hulk Hogan?!

I hate it here ✌🏼

Update: Chuck Mangione also died (no relation to Luigi Mangione 😅)

(via @incredibleasfck)

BRB crying.

In unrelated news, I started my period today.

(via @jonncult)

Where’s the lie??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Follow @timurgabriel for more beauty tips 😆

(via @mickthomascomedy)

I had on the true crime channel in the background while I worked, and there was a docu of a lady that had been murdered. I didn’t blink an eye when they said that she had been fatally stabbed 80 times, but I audibly gasped when they said her dog was also stabbed once but survived 😅

Update: It was sad to hear that a gunman (posing as law enforcement!) fatally shot Democratic leader and Minnesota House Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband in their home, but I just saw he also wounded their beloved Golden Retriever, Gilbert, so bad that the dog had to be put down because of his injuries 😭 Minnesota doesn’t have the death penalty, but exceptions are made for federal cases. This asshole deserves nothing less than death by firing squad 🖕🏼

(via @bestkeptsecret_audio)

Saving all those ‘sourdough’ posts on Instagram really fucked with my algorithm 😅

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The first dog I ever followed on Instagram has passed away at 16, and I am unwell 🥺

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I saw this news blooper years ago and these anchors are now married 🤗

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Few things bring me more joy than reels of people getting hurt that people add music to, dogs getting pampered, news bloopers, and CVS receipts 😆

I am much too sensitive to do this Suspect Challenge, but I love watching other people get roasted. I can name a few people who would absolutely roast my ass—my sister’s husband, my dead grandma on my mom’s side (ok, on my dad’s side, too LOL), and Christine’s kid, Zoey. She once told our friend (who’s a girl), ‘I like your mustache!’ so I always make sure my shit’s threaded and on point if I know that crazy 6-year-old is gonna be there 😅 She really knows how to humble the shit of you.

(via @localspookydude)

✌🏻

Does @localspookydude live in LA? Asking for a friend.

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I would die for this baby hippo.

(via @francisandmaggie)

My favorite instagram cat died and I am unwell 😿

Chel sent me this post earlier this morning and then I sent her the same post when I saw it closer to the afternoon. I never got a notification that she sent me the same post because I have my ‘do not disturb’ on at such an unholy hour 😅

In my day (LOL), ‘rawdogging’ meant something completely different and way nastier 😅 Fucking Gen Z and their jargon. I don’t even ‘rawdog’ on a 45-minute flight to Vegas. In fact, we take bets on whether or not we’ll even get refreshments on such a short flight. Sometimes the flight attendants claim ‘turbulence’ and say they need to remain seated for the duration of our flight and can’t do beverage service. I always get an iced coffee and bottled water after TSA, no matter how short the flight is, because this bitch is always thirsty 😅

After Chel sent me this photo of this stray cat she took in, I sent her a gabillion IG reels of cute cats. She was like, ‘Ok whyyy do you have so many cat videos at your disposal? 🤣’ I follow a lot of animals on instagram, and bookmark a lot of cat videos, and now I can finally share them with someone! Yes, I’ve already invited her to do kitten yoga.

My favorite cat on instagram is named Francis. He’s 13, but he still looks like a kitten because he has dwarfism 🥹 You’re welcome 😽

0/0. Do not recommend 😅

Partly here for foodwithmichel’s comments, mostly here for… other reasons.

According to one of my married friends (I won’t say which one in case she or her husband ever read this), you only have to go down on your man on holidays. Like, do you observe all holidays? Or only the federal ones when the banks are closed??? I just want to manage expectations if I ever get married 😅

The math ain’t mathing 🤣

I’m on instagram, partly because I follow a bunch of dogs, but mostly because of this guy 😏 His caption on this post is, “I baked you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.” 😳

Is it sad that I’ve been to 3 of these places (and one of them is my own bed?)???

Peonies are my favorite (@ Trader Joe’s)
You should write this down.

Free with every purchase of Shape-Ups (but only on Dos de Mayo).

Cotton candy cloud @ SpringFest 2013.

What does it mean?!?

I may or may not have followed this guy home after work today.