I don’t remember directions or street names, just landmarks. When I used to go into the office, it was less than a 10-minute drive to work through residential streets. I knew to turn left at the house with the white picket fence. One day, they took down the fence, and I drove right past it! I did it a couple more times that week before they put another fence back up. I still don’t know the name of that street 😅
My new building is super secure, and you need a code to get into the property, a code to use the elevator, and another code to get into my apartment. The codes were assigned to me, and I still haven’t memorized them even though I’ve lived here a month now 😅 I always have to double-check the codes on my phone. I can assign people temporary codes when they visit, and delivery people like doordash and instacart temporary codes that only last a couple hours.
The girls were visiting for the first time the other day for friendsgiving. Jessie called me from outside, and the uber dropped her off at 13th and Market. There are a few entrances (all needing an access code), and I was trying to direct her to the entrance closest to my apartment. She was like, ‘I’m on 13th and Market. Where do I go?’ I was like, ‘Walk towards G, then towards 14th. I’m not sure if it’s left or right.’ She was like, ’14th is east of 13th.’ I was like, ‘Yeah, walk in the opposite direction of the ocean. The entrance is on 14th across from the Albertson’s and you’ll need the code to get in.’ She was like, ‘What’s the code?’ I was like, ‘Uhhh it’s in the group chat. Let me check.’ After longer than necessary, she finally made it to my apartment 😅
Christine had a hard time getting into my building, too. At least that answered the question they ask me every time they see me – ‘Who you fuckin’???’ Apparently no one, since I can’t give good directions to get them into my building! Jessie was like, ‘I used to live at 1501 Front Street in Little Italy, and the code to get in was 1501! It needs to be that easy if you wanna get some dick up in here!’ 😆
I considered changing the gate code to my birthday so I wouldn’t forget it, but then anyone could easily guess it.
I want you in the worst way
Is the gate code still your birthday?
I did this while watching a movie with a boy on a train once. I hate that guy now and use wireless Beats By Dre headphones so no one talks to me when I’m wearing them.
‘You can just move all that’ is something you’ve heard me say if you’ve ever been in my car – Also, if you’re gonna make me drive, you get what you get ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I once got a ticket in DTLA for having expired vehicle registration tags on the first day they expired (July 1st!). My bad, eagle eye! I didn’t even get pulled over for any reason other than expired tags.
Even though I work from home, my phone is almost always dead 😅
I bought these mints off Instagram, partly because I’m the ultimate consumer, but mostly because I get severe cottonmouth whenever I take gummies (I only take them when I go to a concert or get anxious – so all the time 😅).
But I just saw this TikTok reel promoting the same product for something else entirely – ‘sloppy toppy’ 😳
My sister and I both got our hair cut one time, and we each got a different stylist, but were seated next to each other. My stylist was talking to me the entire time, and Pammie and her stylist barely exchanged two words. By the end of the cut, my stylist had invited me to her house for Christmas (it was around the holidays). IDK if it’s because my sister has RBF LOL or because I just look friendly, but strangers always talk to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Another time, I remember taking a long drive with an ex, and by the end of the car ride, I realized I was the only one doing the talking, and I was like, ‘How come you’re not saying anything?’ and he was like, ‘Well, I couldn’t get a word in.’ 😳 My bad for being engaging!
You’ll drive in my car
Just tell me we are going somewhere
Since the stroke, I try not to speak as much. The stroke altered my speech, so it’s delayed and most people have a hard time understanding me. Even when someone is talking, and I have a great anecdote to add that totally relates, I usually refrain from saying it because most people don’t have the patience to hear me try to get it out (including me).
I gave my dad a Birdbuddy last Christmas, and birds would visit it daily. He took it down when my parents went on vacation, and he hasn’t put it back up yet, so I borrowed it and put it on my balcony. It’s been out there for 3 weeks now, and not one bird has visited me 😭 And there’s a thick line of trees in front of my building, too, so I know there’s birds out there.
Anyway, I’m just trying to navigate this post-stroke world, where people and birds aren’t attracted to my energy anymore 😅
Update: NM, I’m good with no birds ✌🏼
Pammie and her husband always complain about the birds waking them up at an unholy hour, too – it’s not the dulcet tones of birds chirping, either, it’s something more akin to this Tyler the Creator bullshit 😆
I had on the true crime channel in the background while I worked, and there was a docu of a lady that had been murdered. I didn’t blink an eye when they said that she had been fatally stabbed 80 times, but I audibly gasped when they said her dog was also stabbed once but survived 😅
Update: It was sad to hear that a gunman (posing as law enforcement!) fatally shot Democratic leader and Minnesota House Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband in their home, but I just saw he also wounded their beloved Golden Retriever, Gilbert, so bad that the dog had to be put down because of his injuries 😭 Minnesota doesn’t have the death penalty, but exceptions are made for federal cases. This asshole deserves nothing less than death by firing squad 🖕🏼
I am much too sensitive to do this Suspect Challenge, but I love watching other people get roasted. I can name a few people who would absolutely roast my ass—my sister’s husband, my dead grandma on my mom’s side (ok, on my dad’s side, too LOL), and Christine’s kid, Zoey. She once told our friend (who’s a girl), ‘I like your mustache!’ so I always make sure my shit’s threaded and on point if I know that crazy 6-year-old is gonna be there 😅 She really knows how to humble the shit of you.
Chel sent me this post earlier this morning and then I sent her the same post when I saw it closer to the afternoon. I never got a notification that she sent me the same post because I have my ‘do not disturb’ on at such an unholy hour 😅
In my day (LOL), ‘rawdogging’ meant something completely different and way nastier 😅 Fucking Gen Z and their jargon. I don’t even ‘rawdog’ on a 45-minute flight to Vegas. In fact, we take bets on whether or not we’ll even get refreshments on such a short flight. Sometimes the flight attendants claim ‘turbulence’ and say they need to remain seated for the duration of our flight and can’t do beverage service. I always get an iced coffee and bottled water after TSA, no matter how short the flight is, because this bitch is always thirsty 😅
After Chel sent me this photo of this stray cat she took in, I sent her a gabillion IG reels of cute cats. She was like, ‘Ok whyyy do you have so many cat videos at your disposal? 🤣’ I follow a lot of animals on instagram, and bookmark a lot of cat videos, and now I can finally share them with someone! Yes, I’ve already invited her to do kitten yoga.
My favorite cat on instagram is named Francis. He’s 13, but he still looks like a kitten because he has dwarfism 🥹 You’re welcome 😽
According to one of my married friends (I won’t say which one in case she or her husband ever read this), you only have to go down on your man on holidays. Like, do you observe all holidays? Or only the federal ones when the banks are closed??? I just want to manage expectations if I ever get married 😅
I’m on instagram, partly because I follow a bunch of dogs, but mostly because of this guy 😏 His caption on this post is, “I baked you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.” 😳
