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Left Phalange.
Sunday, February 18, 2024

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Chel is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and one of her sons was all like, “Please pray for all the hurt people on the plane.” And Chel was like, “What plane???” And he was like, “The plane we’re taking to Hawaii.” 😳 He’s always had a sixth sense about things. He sees his grandma all the time who used to live in that house and died long before he was born. This kid both amuses and terrifies me 😅

friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif

Sending all the positive energy their way for safe travels ✨

Scam.
Friday, February 16, 2024

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My parents are going to Portugal and Spain this Summer, and Spain is on my fuck it bucket list, so I invited myself 😏 I jokingly said I’d only go if we fly first class, so my dad has been looking into it. The difference between my dad and me is that he’ll do anything to save a buck (like book his flight through a cheap travel agency that makes it impossible to deal directly with the airline when you need to make changes, whereas I will always pay extra to not have to deal with any of that). He’s been sending me flight itineraries to see if they’re legit, and one google search revealed they were a big ol’ scam. Needless to say, I’ll be booking our flights for this trip 😅

Box.
Thursday, February 15, 2024
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The other day, one of the directors who works in the office messaged me on teams saying he had something for me asking where he should mail it. I thought it might be my 10-year work anniversary pin, (even though my 11-year anniversary just passed last month) or maybe a termination letter (even though I just got a raise and bonus 😅), but HR has my apartment in LA listed as my mailing address, and they would normally be the ones sending things of that nature, so I didn’t think it was HR-related. He was being really cryptic about it, so I had no idea what it was. It’s all my white puffer jacket that I left in the drawer of my old office. JK, Andy, who sits in my old office probably wears it. It’s a women’s jacket, but he’s v petite 🤣

This is like the time at my old job when they announced a mandatory meeting and we were going crazy wondering what it was about—Were they laying people off? Did they find out that my coworker Jesse drank that unclaimed Red Bull in the fridge? Were my yoga pants too casual for Casual Friday??? It turns out the meeting was a break from work where we got to play Taboo, and we won so the customer service team had to make us coffee for a week!

Hopefully it’s something good! I’ll keep you posted…

Update: I got it, and it was just a certificate congratulating me on 11 years with Skechers and a voucher for a free pair of shoes 😅 HR must’ve interofficed it to the advertising department thinking I worked in the offiice. No old coworker’s heads here!

Break.
Thursday, February 15, 2024

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Missed opportunity to blow out my back 🤣

Wasted.
Wednesday, February 14, 2024

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I should probably take down this post, but only a couple people still read this blog (hi, Shirley May!), so I’ll keep it up for posterity’s sake. And so I have receipts when I say, “Remember when you said ‘so and so’ on February 14, 2024?” 🤣

Advice.
Monday, February 12, 2024

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Educating my project manager about botox and fuck boys 😆

Accurate.
Friday, February 2, 2024

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I also buy two tickets even though I don’t know who I’m going with yet. Unless it’s for John Mayer and I buy a single ticket off stubhub for $300 an hour before the show, because I decided last minute to go and know no one else would pay $300 (or any amount of money) to see John Mayer 😅

Chainsaw Daydreams.
Thursday, February 1, 2024

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I heard this song on Chel’s instagram post about her stay at Jacumba Hot Springs Hotel, but I thought they were saying “chainsaw daydreams” instead of “chase our daydreams” LOL. I’ve been listening to too many true crime podcasts 😅

Selfish.
Sunday, January 28, 2024

providence check in

Waiting until the eleventh hour to check in to my doc appointment in case I win tickets to Justin Timberlake’s free show in NYC that day and have to cancel it 😅

titus praying gif

Kingston.
Friday, January 26, 2024

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He said, “baby, ” that’s what he called me, “I love you”Every single word you say makes me feel some type of wayIt’s the thought of you that slightly scares meBut it takes my breath away, forget what I was gonna sayThe day that I met you, I started dreamingNow I write ’em down if I remember in the morning time

I just want a daddy who sends me songs that make him think of me 😆 I told Jessie to tell Nixon (who’s in middle school), it doesn’t get easier in your 40s 😅

Touché.
Wednesday, January 24, 2024

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My friend tested positive for Covid, and she thinks she got it from a meeting she had to attend at UCSD in person last week. My sister had to go into the office today for a meeting with executives that are flying in from all over the country! Her boss has a cold and is knowingly going in sick for that meeting and also a team building event at an escape room LOL. Like, what’s more important than your health??? Certainly not your job! Luckily, my boss is a germophobe, and I haven’t had to go in the office since 2020.

I’ve somehow managed to dodge Covid for 4 years, even though I’ve been exposed a couple times. Should I add that to my Tinder bio? “Never gotten Covid. Never seen a Star Wars movie.” Just kidding (I’m not on Tinder).

Anytime I say I’ve never had Covid, my sister (who got Covid on vacation in Hawaii despite masking up and sanitizing everything all the time) likes to remind me that I had two strokes last year. Touché, bitch. Tou-fucking-ché 😅

Exposed.
Friday, January 19, 2024
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We were talking about how Ice Cube is exposing Jay-Z and saying he’s worse than Diddy, and how no one is safe. Seriously, nothing better come out about Young the Giant 🤣

Side Chick.
Friday, January 19, 2024

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Dark Days.
Thursday, January 18, 2024

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Tea.
Friday, January 12, 2024

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Shi comin’ in hot with the tea! I love chisme on any given day, but especially on my birthday 😆

Share.
Thursday, January 4, 2024

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My parents are on their way to a cruise and upgraded their flight there to premium economy. Didn’t know it came with champagne! My sister helped them book their flights, so not sure if this is like the time she got me a plane ticket to meet her in Chicago, and the flight attendant came by with a cheese plate and I was like, “I didn’t order that,” and she was like, “Pamela pre-ordered it.” And I was like, “Oh, okay!” While I was eating my wedge of brie, the flight attendant came by again with a bottle of champagne and was like, “She ordered this, too!” My aisle mates were so jealous. It was a morning flight, but I still drank the whole bottle of champagne and slept the rest of the plane ride from LAX to O’Hare 😅

I’ve only ever flown first class on my sister’s dime. She’s bougie and likes to travel in style. If I’m booking it, I’m like uhhh how many Southwest points do I have? 😅 When Shi found out we were going to New York for my birthday, she was like, “How much are flights right now?” and I was like, “Uhh IDK, Pammie bought them.” And she looks over at my sister, and Pammie was like, “We’re flying first class, so…” and Shi was like, “Oh, my bad!” And this was right after my sister explained that all her Harry Potter ornaments were spotless because Leticia the housekeeper dusted them LOL. In her defense, she hosted Christmas, so that’s why she had Leticia clean the house. She was referred to her by two of our other friends who also use Leticia to clean their houses. Coincidentally, we also get waxed by the same person. If you don’t share a housekeeper and a Brazilian waxer, are you even friends??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Laugh.
Tuesday, December 19, 2023

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She’s not the first person to tell me this. My other friend said the same thing when she was telling me her boyfriend doesn’t make her laugh 😂 I could never be with someone who doesn’t make me laugh!

Birthday.
Saturday, December 16, 2023

hbd pammie

Happy birthday to my bestie and favorite sister, Pammie!

hbd pammie

Chips.
Thursday, December 14, 2023

dick chips

I was promised dick chips ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Invitation.
Wednesday, December 13, 2023
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eating cheese wheel gif

Jessie asked me to make her baby shower invitation, so I’m asking all the important questions 😆

FYI Humboldt Fog is my favorite cheese (you should be writing this down). Christine was telling us a v serious story about meeting up with her pregnant friend who also has cancer at Plaza Bonita, and I was like, “Wait, is the Popeye’s open in the food court?” Some people say I have no tact, but that Popeye’s had a big ass “Opening Spring 2023!” painted on the wall, and it was Halloween and still not open! It has since opened if you’re wondering 😅

Also, while researching baby shower invites, I found this cute Baby-Q invitation. Anyone wanna go halfsies on a baby so I can throw myself a Baby-Q???

Cool.
Wednesday, November 22, 2023

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I hate baking in someone else’s house 😅

Big Chazz.
Monday, November 20, 2023
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good time gif

I love BBQ dick chips.

Babysitter for Hire.
Monday, November 6, 2023
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babysitting
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Stability.
Thursday, November 2, 2023

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You have to make concessions when you’re in your 40s. Height, marital status, etc. 😆 I won’t compromise on age, though. I’d rather be alone than be with someone who was born after I started high school 😅

Smoked.
Tuesday, October 31, 2023

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Is he happily married, though??? 😜 JK.

Pickleball.
Saturday, October 28, 2023

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We were just chatting about how my ex tore his ACL playing pickleball LOL and now Chanandler Bong has died after playing! Who knew pickleball was so dangerous? 😅

I never even heard of the sport until Skechers became the Exclusive Shoe of USA Pickleball!

Maybe they were dinking when they should have been donking 🤣

Bathing Suit Bottom.
Thursday, October 26, 2023

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On our flight home from Hawaii once, I accidentally tucked the back of my dress into my chonies after using the airplane bathroom, and when I walked back to my seat, Shi untucked my dress and was like, “We can see your underwear!” and I was like, “It’s a bathing suit bottom!” Fifteen years later, they won’t let me forget it.

Also, I never know where we parked the car or where anything is since I never put things back in their place. My sister’s husband is always like, “How were you two raised in the same household???” 😅

Carnival.
Wednesday, October 25, 2023

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If you didn’t already know, I love Halloween and the fair (you should be writing this down). If I ever get engaged or was the kind of person who would get engagement photos taken (I’m not), it would totally be at a carnival.

Also, my first concert ever was Gladys Knight at the Del Mar Fair 🤣

Vibe.
Saturday, October 21, 2023

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Vision.
Tuesday, October 17, 2023
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just a little bit gif

We’re having a paint and sip night for Chel’s birthday this weekend, and my Beetlejuice pumpkins don’t really fit Chel’s warm palette vibe 😅

Is this like when Lindsay Lohan didn’t know that Halloween was the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and was the only one who showed up at that party in a scary costume in Mean Girls? 🤣 Am I about to DJ Lo & Behold this party???

mean girls scary costume gif
mean girls scary costume gif
ESL.
Monday, October 16, 2023

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Jessie thought the saying was “beat a dead whore” instead of “beat a dead horse” 🤣 We joke that she’s ESL, even though she was born and raised here!

Donation.
Saturday, October 14, 2023

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I’m already a monthly donor for ASPCA (to help animals in need. Also, the commercials and Sarah McLachlan got me. Plus I got a free t-shirt LOL).

Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

Romantic.
Friday, October 6, 2023

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FYI I’m romantic as fuck.

The Matrix.
Thursday, September 28, 2023
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i can't with you gif

Apparently, Dumbledore died ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Is this like the time we were watching the fourth Matrix, and Pammie was like, “Neo looks so old,” and I was like, “Wait… who’s Neo?” 🤣 In my defense, I’ve only seen the first Matrix movie when it came out it 1999. I still can’t tell you what the matrix is!

This is why people don’t like watching shit with me 😅

piecomic hbo

Coordinate.
Wednesday, September 27, 2023

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Are you even really friends if you don’t coordinate your brazilians???

P.S. I discovered Linda 13 years ago! She has since left Viva Brazil and does house calls now if you ever need your vag waxed in SD 😅

Limit.
Monday, September 25, 2023

When someone asks me what my limit is for an *NSYNC concert (it’s $1,000 for Beyoncé):

mean girls - the limit does not exist gif

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BOP.
Saturday, September 23, 2023

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justin homage pizza

Justin Gaspar from Hommage Bakehouse (who won Hulu’s Baker’s Dozen) made pizzas during the party and they were so good. He liked my Boo Berry Krispie Treats and his wife was the first person ever to compliment me on my Original Berf shirt, too, so they’re good people 😆

gender reveal

We came for the pizza, but stayed for the gender reveal!

sonogram

It has been a hard IVF journey for my dear friend after battling breast cancer, and Jessie surprised all of us by telling us that the surrogacy’s pregnancy took and baby boy Cuevas is coming March 2024!

We are simply overjoyed 🥹

Handicapped.
Tuesday, September 19, 2023

dtf chat handicap

The DMV approved my application for a Disabled Person (DP LOLOL) placard if you want to hang out and get primo parking 😂 You guys, this placard even lets you park on an on-street metered parking space at no charge or in an area that requires a resident permit! Should I update my Tinder bio to include this??? JK, the placard is more of a third date reveal 🤣 I could also get you a discount at the Skechers Food Spot LOL. IDK why I’m single when I come with all these perks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I once got 3 parking tickets in one weekend, so this placard is gold 😅 In my defense, parking in LA is a nightmare.

Here.
Saturday, September 16, 2023

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I was totally this kid. I could never find my bus tickets, even though I took the bus to school every morning and night up until high school LOL. They were just loose in my backpack. I still feel panic and anxiety as an adult whenever I get to the drive through window and I’m not ready with my credit card even though I’ve been sitting in line for twenty minutes 😅

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Accurate ✌🏼

Trauma.
Saturday, September 9, 2023

Shi says it’s still too soon for stroke jokes 😅 *laughs awkwardly*

chat stroke

P.S. When I say I can eat anywhere, I mean it. My friend and I once went to lunch with this vegan girl who insisted we choose the restaurant (“I can find vegan food anywhere,” she said), and then she insisted we order and eat in front of her even though the restaurant was “garbage” and she wasn’t gonna order anything. Most awkward lunch ever! I kept stealing glances my friend as I nibbled on my salad, and she was just going to town on her food like, “She said to eat in front of her, so I’m eating!” 🤣

Cult of Personality.
Wednesday, September 6, 2023

Young the Giant is always a good idea (@ CalCoast Credit Union Open Air Theatre)

One of Francis’ friends was working security, and he was like, “Yooo, you like Young the Giant?!” like it was a bad thing 🤣 Is this like when I liked Hoobastank?! 😅

Even though my calves burn with the fury of a thousand suns (our seats were at the very bottom and it’s a looong way to the top where the drinks are), YTG is always worth it.

Here’s Francis and I texting each other during the show because our seats were right in front of the speakers and we couldn’t hear each other LOL:

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YTG.
Tuesday, September 5, 2023

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Young the Giant tonight! Christine sent us this video of a guy crying at the Beyoncé concert, and we’ve been laughing for a million years.

Wild.
Saturday, September 2, 2023
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The last time Jessie and I went to a game together, we ran into my brother-in-law at Las Hadas afterward and he told Pammie, “Tell your sister she was sloppy.”

Jessie and I got roofied once at The Waterfront (Pammie’s like, “Please try not to get roofied tonight,” and Jessie was like, “We didn’t try the first time!” LOL) and she and Christine had to pick my ass up from under a bridge downtown one morning another time after my walk of shame. My twenties were wild 😅

I got into the uber and told Jessie I already pre-gamed with a gummy because it takes a long time for me to digest, and she was like, “Do we need to call Christine already???” but our standby was already tipsy because she and Allyn took the kids to D&B’s and had their own Asian Night 🤣

Morbid.
Friday, September 1, 2023

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Do boys not like morbid girls???

Better.
Thursday, August 31, 2023

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IDK if I was a bad driver before the strokes, but I definitely was bad at Wordle 🤣

Contrary to popular belief, driving in LA made me a more aggressive, better driver. Even though I’m Asian and a woman 🤣

Lifestyle.
Tuesday, August 29, 2023
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i've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle modern family gif
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Bey in LA this weekend, anyone???

JK, I think we settled on the Padres game this Saturday ⚾ Or we can pretend we’re 21 again at El Dorado one last time. We used to go there for drinks, and I’d wake up the next morning with a half eaten burrito next to my face LOL. I used to be fun 😅

I sent this video to Jessie because she has chickens, and I’ve been laughing for 100 years 🤣

Virgo Season.
Friday, August 25, 2023

chat bey

I wasn’t planning on seeing Beyoncé this weekend. I only brought my Original Berf and Michael Myers shirts 😂 (I obviously wasn’t planning on meeting the love of my life, either). Do I need to go shopping???

Home.
Wednesday, August 23, 2023

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What, your friends don’t send you pics of their husbands? 🤣

Also, you can always count on Christine for the two finger zoom in LOL.

The Worst.
Wednesday, August 9, 2023

dtf chat

My friends are the best 🙃 Most of my responses have been redacted to keep up the illusion that I’m a nice person 😅

Everybody’s like“He’s no item”“Please don’t like ’em”“He don’t wife ’em”“He one nights ’em”

NSFW.
Sunday, August 6, 2023
choadortuan chat
true story gif

Cedrik Lorenzen videos and cackles at dinner with the girls last night ♥️

Warning.
Thursday, August 3, 2023

francis incubus chat

I gotta stop hanging out with my friends’ husbands LOL.

A/C.
Tuesday, July 25, 2023

slack a/c chat

Can someone go to my apartment and make sure there’s no mold growing in my portable A/C unit? 😅

Airport Fries.
Thursday, July 6, 2023

the counter

me: Are the fries at The Counter skinny or big?
Dennis: They’re skinny like you.
me: Skinny fries are my favorite! Okay I’m not gonna go to dinner with you guys when we get to Vegas. It’ll be after 9pm and I’ll be sleeping LOL. I’m just gonna grab something at the airport.
Dennis: I lied before. The Counter’s fries are big. Now you have to eat dinner with us!
me: Joke’s on you. I like ALL fries!

I love a good french fry, and Eater came out with The Top 10 French Fries in LA. I’ve been to 3/10 of those places (Majordomo, République, and Father’s Office). Anyone want to eat some french fries with me???

Battle.
Tuesday, June 27, 2023
voldemort chat
fight gif

#TBT to that time I almost got into a fight at a Padres game (last weekend).

We had good seats in Section 110, but spent most of the time in the lawn area, partly because Shi was there with the kids, but mostly because it was near Hodad’s and the theme giveaway line.

Our tickets were $100+ each and parking was $55! Is this how much it costs to go to a game now??? I sound like my dad LOL. He was just saying he remembers when basketball playoff floor seats were only $500. When??? 40 years ago when the Clippers were a San Diego team? 🤣

They’re building the Clippers a new stadium in Inglewood, down the street from where I paid $60 for parking for Dua Lipa last year (then I paid an extra $10 for a locker because my purse was too big!). It’s less than 20 minutes away from my apartment, but I’m not gambling with rideshare prices.

Sometimes I have to remind myself, “You’re in your forties now. You need to calm the fuck down.” 😅 I think I got my fire from my mom’s side. When I was a little kid, my mom and her sisters got into a fight with these girls at Potomac Park because they wouldn’t let my grandma use the water fountain. I just remember them ripping the braids out of the girls’ heads and taking their watches LOL. They were in their twenties back then, but they’re just as fiesty in their sixties now. Don’t mess with the Cuevas girls!

Booty Shorts and Burritos.
Thursday, June 15, 2023

dtf

We paid our respects at Jocelyn’s mom’s viewing tonight. No one wore booty shorts (@ Glen Abbey)

Hopefully the señorita bread we brought made up for us not voting for her for homecoming queen 20-something years ago. It felt like high school all over again (I’m still hanging out with the same girls and I had a carne asada burrito for dinner LOL).

Goodest Boi.
Wednesday, June 14, 2023

ace

My parents are dog sitting the goodest boi ever for the next month and they are so excited. The dog, not so much LOL.

Toodles, Noodles.
Tuesday, June 13, 2023

chat veggie spirals

I rarely eat rice or pasta now, but I still allow myself the occasional cinnamon roll or cookie. I’m not a psychopath 😅

GUMMYI3EAR.
Wednesday, June 7, 2023

native

I need this gummy bear-scented deodorant in my life.

P.S. If you knew me when I was GUMMYI3EAR@aol.com, I’m sorry LOL.

Lights Out.
Monday, June 5, 2023
shawne merriman lights out
shawne merriman lights out

I use this Merriman gif any chance I get because he’s the only jersey I have (I bought it before he choked Tila Tequila and before the Chargers left San Diego, but regrettably not before he got that stupid “Lights Out” tattoo on his forearm).

BBQ Showdown.
Sunday, June 4, 2023

barbecue showdown

…or me telling everyone I know about Barbecue Showdown.

Meat.
Tuesday, May 23, 2023
shi chat
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