Met this handsome boy today 😍

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I would die for this handsome boy 😍

I rarely lose my shit over babies or children in general (they just don’t give me the same feels that puppies or food do LOL), but I love this kid so much 😭 I had a full head of hair when I was born, too, so that’s why Pammie said he looks like me 😍

Christine and Pammie met baby Isaac today, and I stayed behind because I’m still sick. I instacarted Jessie her favorite strawberry rhubarb pie from Julian Pie Company and some Tillamook vanilla ice cream, and Pammie gave them my Easter goodie bags and our pasalubong from Nashville (a onesie from the farmers market that said, ‘y’all’, strawberry rhubarb jam from Lucky Ladd Farms, and merch from Justin Timberlake’s resto, The 12/30 Club) so I was there in spirit.

KD’s first communion is coming up, so I got her this cute prayer box, an amethyst to bring her inner peace (she loves crystals just like her auntie), and a chocolate cross (because what 42-year-old 7-year-old doesn’t like chocolate?).

Lately, I’ve been inundated with people asking for help for their kids’ fundraisers. Jog-a-thons? Gift wrap?? Cookie dough??? I’m about to create a gofundme so these same people can help fund my upcoming vacations for all I’ve donated 😅

Say hello to my new best friend 😭

I’d be this happy, too, if I was doing skin-to-skin with Jessie’s husband LOL.

Luckily, we live in a state where IVF is still protected instead of backwards-ass Alabama where the practice is threatened after a recent court ruling (and abortion is also banned!). After Jessie survived breast cancer, her surrogate got pregnant with her and Abe’s very last embryo, so Isaac is truly a miracle baby 🥹

Congrats to the new parents!

Birria taco bar, tostilocos bar, and open bar. This is my kind of baby shower 😅

Me when I babysit children:

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate children (tell that to my stank face whenever I hear a baby crying on a plane or when a baby is crying while I’m eating at a restaurant or when a baby is crying when I’m trying to do anything, really. Like, why are they always crying? And why are their little hands always so sticky???). I’m so excited for baby boy Cuevas that I bought this cute onesie for him! I also may or may not have named Jessie and Abe’s baby over some radlers at Oktoberfest, so we’re obviously gonna be besties.

After I razzed Jess and named their baby, Abe said I was firing on all cylinders that night 😆 Pew pew!

Justin Gaspar from Hommage Bakehouse (who won Hulu’s Baker’s Dozen) made pizzas during the party and they were so good. He liked my Boo Berry Krispie Treats and his wife was the first person ever to compliment me on my Original Berf shirt, too, so they’re good people 😆

We came for the pizza, but stayed for the gender reveal!

It has been a hard IVF journey for my dear friend after battling breast cancer, and Jessie surprised all of us by telling us that the surrogacy’s pregnancy took and baby boy Cuevas is coming March 2024!

We are simply overjoyed 🥹

Double trouble (@ Kate Sessions Park)

Our very first Cuevas great great grandbabies are going to be twin girls! Such a beautiful surprise on what would’ve been grandma’s 91st birthday weekend.

Congrats to Jaylene and Antonio! Also, someone please call the fire department 😅

In other baby news, Rhea asked me to be Jade’s godmother this weekend, and I couldn’t be more honored. My mom and Pammie were like, “ARE YOU SURE, RHEA?!” What a bunch of assholes! 😆 (I should probably watch my mouth around the kid).

When your friends have kids but still like to party 🥳

Pacific coolers are the new pickleback!

Congrats to my favorite new first grader, Ari! (@ Pepper Drive Elementary)

I should’ve been less concerned about the dad with the swastika tattoo on his neck and more concerned about being in a classroom full of kinders for an hour, because I am full blown sick now, ya dang kids!

Maxin’ and relaxin’ with these nuggets 🖤🖤

Surprise baby sprinkle for our dear friend, Christine. There must be something in the water, because my friends keep having twins. I’m sticking to vodka!

Darien waiting for a birthday surprise or channeling his inner Pennsatucky? You decide.

I knew that my affinity for facial hair and keeping random shit in my purse would be useful someday. I won enough Bath & Body Works prizes to regift for years to come.

Three of my cousins are pregnant, and this is my life right now.

shadow-writer:

Pain takes my heart’s place
The love we made remains

Disneyland is Alicia’s favorite place, and Alicia is my favorite preggo ♥

Vendors:

• Sweet Cheeks Baking – Minnie Mouse Cake
• acookiejar – Minnie Mouse Sugar Cookies
• ClaudiaCupcakeLady – Minnie Mouse Cupcake Ear and Bow Toppers
• katiedidesigns – Pink Striped Paper Straws

BRB my heart is exploding.

Today, I found out that my BFF is pregnant with her third kid. It’s almost like I’m having a baby, too, but without the weight gain or the big boobs. Oh, wait…

Chel‘s parties are always pinterest-worthy, and Darien’s first birthday was no exception! Old Poway Park is an awesome place to have a kid’s birthday party (preferably if your kid was born between the months of October and May—I was sweating like a whore in church!).

Here’s a baseball-themed birthday invitation I designed for my favorite little slugger ♥

More from my design portfolio here.

Happy 1st birthday to my favorite chumbawamba!
Your Jim Halpert impression is flawless, kid ♥

I baked these cookie dough brownies for my boss’ baby shower at work today. I don’t plan on eating any of them, but I’m sure I gained 3 pounds just thinking about it.

Also, I’m skipping the gym tonight. This has nothing and everything to do with brownies, but I mostly just wanted to get that off my chest.

Half of my facebook friends announced their pregnancies today.

Way to steal my thunder, bitches.

My calves burn with the fire of a thousand suns after this beach hike with the girls, but it was worth it to hang out with this baby pancake ♥

Quote of the day:

What are you supposed to wear to this kind of thing?

Chel hasn’t worked out since before she was preggo, but she’s still skinnier than the rest of us! Boo whore.

My Instagram feed exposes my obvious love of booze, fine dining, and other people’s babies.

I watched this at work and cried silently at my desk. Just kidding. I was sobbing pretty loudly.

The only way this kid could be any cuter is if I had somehow gotten involved 😉

I finally got to meet my new best friend today! I was planning on visiting him yesterday, but my mom got sick and was rushed to the hospital. She’s still there and not doing any better, so I hope you all send some good juju our way…

…and so he was.

Welcome to the world, Baby Darien! ♥

Around this time last year, I was at Chel’s bachelorette party getting tequila licked off my chest, and today she’s a new mommy. Life moves so quickly around here.

I had dinner and drinks at Craft and Commerce with four of my faves last night… four and a half if you count Chel’s 32-week belly! Is it weird that it wasn’t the first time this week that I hit up a bar with one of my preggo friends? I had drinks with Belle at Cottonwood Golf Club after work the other day. The bartender poured me another double vodka cranberry to-go before we made our way next door to a dry charity event for some silent auction action and complimentary noms from Outback.

We’re a couple of classy broads.

Another weekend, another baby shower… Chel is clearly my favorite preggo ♥

I just won another baby gift for my favorite mommy-to-be, Chel!

Last week, I won Cloud B’s Sleep Sheep Giveaway, and this weekend I won A Nation of Moms’ Bumbo Seat and Play Tray Giveaway!

I should really start entering contests for myself. Mama needs a new KitchenAid Stand Mixer.

Winning is sort of my thing.

I won tickets to Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways show. I won Glee’s Karaoke Revolution Wii game on Twitter. I won a Linkin Park tour poster and guitar pick in a Foursquare contest I wasn’t even aware I was participating in (and they accidentally sent me my prize twice!). I joined my friend Alicia’s Survivor pool and won, even though I’ve never watched an episode of Survivor in my life. And I literally sweated my ass off and won my company’s #BLC!

Since my favorite preggo, Chel, is expecting her firstborn, I thought I would use my good luck to win stuff for her and the baby. I entered a bunch of baby contests, and today I won a Sleep Sheep and Sleep Sheep On The Go from Cloud B! It’s supposed to help even the fussiest babies fall asleep… I’m sure it’ll be put to good use while mommy and I enjoy a cocktail 😉

Between the two of us, Pammie and I know eighteen* girls who got knocked up last year. Eighteen*. Can we all just take a second to acknowledge how ridiculously high that number is? It’s only January, and I’ve already been invited to three baby showers. We’ve clearly been using the iPeriod app for different reasons.

*Update: Nineteen (damn it, Belle!)

Most of E’s party was spent trying to keep Vince’s baby from crying while resisting the urge to go back to the taco truck for seconds. I didn’t succeed at either.