The hideousness of my hand will haunt my dreams forever!

(But at least my boobs look great.)

…or my neighbors after I almost burned down our apartment building this past weekend.

My lease is up and the only hot neighbor I had moved out this month, so I’m pretty sure the universe is telling me that it’s time to move out of the sticks, fellas.

NOTE TO SELF: Check the oven for empty pizza boxes before pre-heating it if you don’t want second degree burns. Or worse.

I was slicing up an avocado when I noticed smoke coming out of my oven. I opened it and saw that I left an empty pizza box in there like an asshole, and that shit was on fire! Instead of putting it out in the kitchen, I took the box out of the oven with my bare hands and ran across my apartment to the balcony. All the while, bits of flaming pizza box kept falling off along the way and lighting everything I hold dear to my heart on fire. My Anthropologie duvet. My area rug that I had just made an appointment to get cleaned. MY FUCKING HAND. I can live with a second degree burn, but they don’t sell that duvet at Anthropologie anymore, you guys!

It really is amazing I’ve made it this far.

Ask Mayan about her banana bread.

Even though Jay made me tell this story six times in one night, I thought I would post this on the interwebs, so it never has to be repeated again!

Okay so I decided to bake some banana nut bread the day before everyone came over for ABDC night.. Have you ever had my banana nut bread? It fixes things in the universe FYI. I had enough batter for two loaves and only one pan, so I had to bake them one at a time…

The first one came out perfecto, but the second one… not so much:

I put it in the oven, fell asleep, and woke up the next day. True story. I have the petrified loaf in my cupboard to prove it. I was going to throw it away, but Jay insisted I save it so that I could look at it every now and then to remind myself that I’m not that cool.

Don’t think it was a mistake that I moved into the unit nearest to the only fire extinguisher in my apartment building.

mayanrocks: I can’t believe I did that. Can you believe it???
Chel: Actually… I can believe it.

Sad times.