I’m on instagram, partly because I follow a bunch of dogs, but mostly because of this guy 😏 His caption on this post is, “I baked you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.” 😳

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

Jessie and I go to our friends’ kids birthday parties for the free hood ass ice cream trucks (@ SD Sweet Treats)

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

Eating more eggs because my primary care physician said I need to raise my “good” cholesterol. This is 41, y’all 👵🏼

Egg Bite Recipe (adapted from Recipe Girl’s Copycat Starbucks Egg Bites):

• Simple Truth Natural Cage Free Eggs – 10
• Applegate Naturals Uncured Turkey Bacon – 5 Slices
• Private Selection Alpine Blend Shredded Swiss & Gruyère Cheese – 2 cups
• Knudsen Small Curd Low Fat Cottage Cheese – 2 cups

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place a wire rack on top of the prepared baking sheet. Line the raw turkey bacon on the wire rack in a single layer. Make sure no strips overlap one another. Place strips of turkey bacon in the pre-heated oven for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, flip the bacon strips over one by one, and bake them for another 7 minutes. Cut the turkey bacon into little pieces (I used kitchen shears) and set aside.

Pre-heat oven to 350°F. Spray 24 cups in two regular-sized muffin pans generously with nonstick spray (I used these silicone muffin molds and Simple Truth Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil Cooking Spray). Combine the eggs and cottage cheese in the blender, and then stir in the shredded cheese. This results in a fluffier texture without the cottage cheese being visually present. My Vitamix is at my mom’s, so I used my sister’s milk frother that she uses to make her matcha green tea every morning to make the small curds even smaller LOL (don’t tell her). Pour the mixture into the muffin pans, filling each about half full to leave room for the egg to expand while baking. Top with the turkey bacon bits. Bake for 30 minutes, or until the eggs are completely cooked. Remove from the oven and take out of the muffin pan.

I’ve actually never had the egg bites from Starbucks (I was too busy eating birthday cake pops and washing them down with trenta pink drinks, so I can’t compare them, but these tasted really good!). My sister’s husband said they even taste better than the egg bites from Costco (high praise coming from him LOL!).

Since I only eat two a day, I froze the rest and nuke them for ninety seconds in the morning for a quick breakfast. I top it with crunchy garlic chili oil and it’s perfection. I don’t salt my food (I’m trying to cut back on the sodium, too), but feel free to add some salt if you want!

Each Egg Bite: Calories: 87. Carbs: 1. Fat: 5. Protein: 8. Sodium: 169. Sugar: 1.

Update 6/13/2023: I made a second batch and used my Vitamix to blend the cottage cheese and eggs together, and the texture is def fluffier! I fell in my parents’ garage trying to put the Vitamix in the car last weekend (that shit is heavy, plus I was trying to carry other things). My mom opened the door to the garage and saw me on the floor LOL. My leg still hurts, but my egg bites are fluffy as hell!

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Miso Chilean sea bass (a riff on the miso black cod from Nobu) with baby bok choy drizzled with crunchy garlic chili oil.

The miso marinade was a bitch to make (it was so thick!) and a bag of five Chilean sea bass fillets was almost $50 at Costco, but it was worth it (one miso black cod at Nobu is nearly $40!).

This whole ass meal was *chef’s kiss*. Bon appétit!

Can’t I be both???

Me: Waco? Oh, it’s the 30-year anniversary.
Pammie: What happened in Waco?
Me: What do you mean, ‘What happened in Waco?’ Waco’s only known for one thing!
Pammie: I only know Waco for the Magnolia Silos LOL.

Even if I didn’t love true crime, I’d still know what happened in Waco 🤣

P.S. If you weren’t alive for Waco in 1993, you are much too young for me LOL.

Are you laughing at your own joke???

– Pammie to me as I’m texting Alicia and dying of laughter

I’m not even mad they spelled Beetlejuice wrong. So excited for this sequel!!!

This cover of Labrinth’s Jealous sung by an all-male a cappella group led by a Korean dude is probably my favorite cover ever. It’s also available on Spotify if you feel like listening to it on repeat and crying yourself to sleep (not that I ever do that). Does anyone want to go to Nashville with me to watch them in the fall??? I used to be in show choir in high school (I have the sequin dresses and nude character shoes to prove it) and I’m a huge choir nerd. I hope that doesn’t turn you off LOL.

Also, I once went to a Billie Eilish show in 2018, and my ears are still ringing.

New favorite song, though.

FYI I get all my important news in a daily email from The Betches Sup.

P.S. Florida senators should not be commenting on California things 😒

BRB crying.

God, I love this show. Thank goodness it was renewed! I’m still salty about The Company You Keep cancellation LOL.

When you’re staying at your parents’ house because your sister and her husband are going to Vegas for his birthday.

Never mind that I ran out of underwear, bring my electric pepper grinder LOL.

This article explains so much 🤣

Sidenote: The only place I’ve ever drank water from the tap is when I stayed at the Ace Hotel in Portland. The water from the kitchen faucet was so cold and refreshing. I would never drink the water from the tap from my apartment in LA! LOL. Not even if that shit was Brita’d (I would sooner get a bottled water from the liquor store next door or the gas station across the street!).

You’re funnier since you had the strokes. I mean, you were always funny, but you’re funnier now.

– my mom to me after I razzed my pops

Maybe my migraines were hindering my funniness (I haven’t had a headache since the incident, and I used to take Excedrin every day!). Or maybe it’s just because I’m on anti-depressants now LOL.

I don’t know about funnier, but I’m definitely meaner. Or maybe I’ve always been mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, get you a mom who always laughs at your jokes.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who celebrate!

I’ve been wanting to make these TikTok Cinnamon Rolls for forever, and when the girls came over for brunch months ago, imagine my surprise when I found out it was a “healthy” brunch (it was after the incident), we were having healthy shit like crudité, Christine knew brunch was gonna be healthy so she ate a Mcdonald’s breakfast sandwich beforehand LOL, and no one brought waffles!

I thought Mother’s Day was a good excuse to make these cinnamon rolls, so I did and everyone loved them! They were sooo good and I’ll def be making them again.

The best part is you use canned cinnamon rolls to make it! Ain’t nobody got time to make cinnamon rolls from scratch.

This is not my picture, although that logo looks like my dutch oven and my glasses (am I that basic???). My cinnamon rolls turned out exactly like these, but my family devoured them before I could take a picture. Also, I would never use that upper font LOL.

I ordered some selenite charging plates because I thought I wasn’t spending enough money on crystals.

Because of Nurse Ratched, I’ve lost 35 pounds and gained $25k. She runs a tight ship LOL.

I saw my doctor today and he took me off one of my pills. Now I only take 15 a day! 🤣

We went to our cousins’ grandma’s viewing yesterday, and a) no one told me there were raisins in the empanadas (FYI I hate raisins in savory things, and I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen) b) Young the Giant will be played at my funeral and c) my browser history needs to be cleared when I die 🤣

Partly because it’s Cinco de Mayo, but mostly because I wanted a burrito (@ Lolita’s)

Don’t let the picture fool you, I only ate half 🤪

Full moon tonight ✨

Vampire Weekend (ft. Steve Lacy) – Flower Moon

I would not trust Mexican food made by a white guy in Arizona. I barely trust the Mexican food in LA (they put beans in everything! Also, why is everything wet??? If I wanted to eat a burrito with a fork and knife, I wouldn’t have ordered a burrito!). All I need in this life of sin is a 2-in-1 burrito from Lolita’s in SD.

People say I’ve become a food snob ever since I moved to LA over a decade ago, and to that I say I’ve always been a food snob LOL.

Have a safe Cinco de Drinko!

Things I see on my afternoon walks:

This fenced off spot reminds me of the infinite abyss from Garden State. There’s so much tumbleweed around here for some reason.

I hate vanity plates, but I love pizza, so I’m torn.

I’ve seen these heart balloons in this window since Valentine’s Day… It’s May.

I name all the dogs I see regularly on my walks. I see this sweet girl almost every day, and I call her “Lucy” (“Lucille” when we’re being formal). I’ve never heard her bark.

There’s this asshole dog who always barks whenever he sees me. I call him “David” after David Bogdanov, a convicted murderer I watched a docu of on ID who fled to Ukraine after he killed a trans teen (the dog’s pawrents have a Ukrainian flag on their balcony LOL).

With a lot of great dogs, comes a great lot of poop. These little flags are everywhere.

Freakin’ birds (@ Starbucks)

Whenever Nori and I would go to Starbucks (pretty much every day LOL) we’d sit outside, and I could barely hear her wordle  guesses over the parrots. Apparently, they live in palm trees, and palm trees are outside every Starbucks we went to in the beach cities.

Also, I was so mad when they took out the nearest Jack in the Box and put another Starbucks in its place. There were already 15 within a 5-mile radius of my apartment!

Who complains about too many Starbucks and palm trees? Is this my life now??? LOL.