(via @theintrovertedattorney)

I’m Team Apple (I have a work-issued Mac Studio Desktop, a personal Macbook Pro laptop, an iPhone, iPad, and Apple Watch), but I’ve never been more envious of PC users before today 😅

I’m back at work doing web stuff after weeks of being on vacation, months of being on catalogs, and recovering after a bout with covid. I also have a new profile pic on Slack 😜

Our catalog comps were pushed a few days, so I took a nap this afternoon, and had the weirdest dream. A groomer was calling me to confirm the address to drop my dogs off at. He says my ex-boyfriend’s old address, so I call my ex like WTF? And he tells me we’re married with two dogs.

I woke up, because my sister texted me that she saw Lucille (my favorite dog) on her balcony outside.

BRB never sleeping again 😅

Welp, the solar eclipse came and went, and the world didn’t end, so I guess I’ll work on those catalog comps due tomorrow 😅

The height of my tissue pile directly correlates to the horrible day I’ve been having. I would’ve called out sick today, but my catalog comps are due at noon. I just finished, so gonna instacart some medicine and sleep for a million years.

Welp, I guess I’ll go back to working on my catalog comps 😅

Pretty sure Thalia (my project manager) and I would be besties if we were back in the office (sorry, Nori LOL).

Whenever my work signs a new athlete, I never know who they are. I only know who Tony Romo is because he used to date Jessica Simpson LOL. And who the Cleveland Browns coach is because he’s fine as hell 🔥 It’s a good thing I don’t play fantasy football, because I’d pick my team based on how cute the players are. Jimmy Garoppalo would be my QB, so I’d def be dead last 😅

Most of my friends are girl bosses who manage teams, but I have never had the desire to climb the corporate ladder. I don’t even like when our web director (whose name is Gaye) puts me in charge when she’s out because I’m the most senior designer after her. I don’t like having to tell people I’m Gaye 😆 I just want to do my 9 (ish) to 6 (ish) and be on my way…

When in doubt, blame daylight savings…

Joke’s on you—I’m off this Friday 😜

This is like when I first started at my job, and my boss was like, “Show it to Loren, the art director.” And I was like, “Where does she sit?” and she was like, “Loren’s a guy.” And another time, she was like, “Ask Jamie.” And I was like, “Where does she sit?” and she was like, “Jamie’s a guy, too.” And then another time, she was like, “Give it to Deane.” And I was like, “Where does he sit?” and she was like, “Deane’s a girl.” When she told me to show it to Christina, another art director, I was like, “Is Christina a man?!” 😆 God forbid I use the wrong pronoun when addressing you 😅

I got assigned two catalogs this conference season.

BRB crying.

We could never be friends if you don’t laugh at my jokes 😅

Our design director was checking in on presentations, and my coworker (whose name has been redacted in case he ever stumbles upon this blog) said he was sending his “monetarily” and I’ve been laughing for a million years. Is he sending money with his comps? 💸

I don’t know him like that, so I didn’t say anything snarky to him, but I forwarded it to my other coworker and was like, “Did you see this shit?!” 🤣

I received the sweetest gift from my dear friend, Heather.

It came at the perfect time, because I had just gotten an email with our presentation assignments due by next week and a blackout period where we can’t request any time off at work. I was hoping presentations and catalogs were canceled because we’re usually blacked out on the calendar by this time, and I even got approved for time off next month for Nashville.

Plus I had a pretty shitty day today. They refilled my prescription at the wrong CVS by my parents’ house instead of my usual one near my sister’s, so my parents had to pick it up for me since my sister had to go into the office today. Since they were here, I had them drive me to the bank. I was originally planning to take an uber, because I don’t like asking anyone for help. I don’t have a house key, because I don’t drive yet so I don’t go anywhere without my sister. So I just ran out the garage door as it was closing. When I got back from the bank, I kept ringing the doorbell and my mom called my sister’s husband fifteen times, but he was taking a nap, so he didn’t answer the door or his phone. My parents just brought me back to their house, and my sister had to pick me up when she got off work that night. Then I had to work some more when I got home, because my project manager was asking for a bunch of shit, but I didn’t have my computer with me. I haven’t even started my presentation yet, and I was hoping to have comps done before my flight tomorrow morning.

I’m about to take a bath with this lavender/chamomile/vanilla shower steamer and light this chai latte candle so I can fucking relax 🤪

Thank you, friend! 💛

The other day, one of the directors who works in the office messaged me on teams saying he had something for me asking where he should mail it. I thought it might be my 10-year work anniversary pin, (even though my 11-year anniversary just passed last month) or maybe a termination letter (even though I just got a raise and bonus 😅), but HR has my apartment in LA listed as my mailing address, and they would normally be the ones sending things of that nature, so I didn’t think it was HR-related. He was being really cryptic about it, so I had no idea what it was. It’s all my white puffer jacket that I left in the drawer of my old office. JK, Andy, who sits in my old office probably wears it. It’s a women’s jacket, but he’s v petite 🤣

This is like the time at my old job when they announced a mandatory meeting and we were going crazy wondering what it was about—Were they laying people off? Did they find out that my coworker Jesse drank that unclaimed Red Bull in the fridge? Were my yoga pants too casual for Casual Friday??? It turns out the meeting was a break from work where we got to play Taboo, and we won so the customer service team had to make us coffee for a week!

Hopefully it’s something good! I’ll keep you posted…

Update: I got it, and it was just a certificate congratulating me on 11 years with Skechers and a voucher for a free pair of shoes 😅 HR must’ve interofficed it to the advertising department thinking I worked in the offiice. No old coworker’s heads here!

I had a fraud alert this morning (some asshole tried to buy $200 worth of stuff with my credit card at easybesttoystore.com) so they canceled my card and issued me a new one. I was trying to pre-pay for my prescriptions at CVS, so I had to use another credit card, which I never use. I still had to activate it, so I went to do that on Chase and so I logged in and was like, “Why is there so much money in this account?” I looked at my transactions, and I guess I got a raise and bonus on Friday 😅 I wasn’t expecting anything since I was on medical leave for half of last year.

I’ll just be here for the rest of the day.

Nori messaged me earlier and was like, “Still busy?” I’ve been super busy at work this week, because I’m still catching up from being on vacation and being out sick from my tummy ache last week. I was like, “Yeah, don’t they know I’m trying to win JT tickets over here?!” 😅

My friend tested positive for Covid, and she thinks she got it from a meeting she had to attend at UCSD in person last week. My sister had to go into the office today for a meeting with executives that are flying in from all over the country! Her boss has a cold and is knowingly going in sick for that meeting and also a team building event at an escape room LOL. Like, what’s more important than your health??? Certainly not your job! Luckily, my boss is a germophobe, and I haven’t had to go in the office since 2020.

I’ve somehow managed to dodge Covid for 4 years, even though I’ve been exposed a couple times. Should I add that to my Tinder bio? “Never gotten Covid. Never seen a Star Wars movie.” Just kidding (I’m not on Tinder).

Anytime I say I’ve never had Covid, my sister (who got Covid on vacation in Hawaii despite masking up and sanitizing everything all the time) likes to remind me that I had two strokes last year. Touché, bitch. Tou-fucking-ché 😅

Pammie works out of her bedroom, so she got this Harry Potter door hanger so her husband doesn’t ask her if she wants to smoke while she’s on a zoom call, and I don’t bust in with no pants on to look out her window and see if my favorite dog, Lucille, is sunbathing on the balcony next door 😅

I’m back from vacay and my boss took an extra week off. I’m the most senior designer after the web director (my 11-year work anniversary is tomorrow!), so I’ve been telling everyone I’m Gaye this week 😆

As I was frosting my cinnamon rolls this morning, I could hear my sister on her 9am zoom call. I don’t remember the last time I had a zoom call or meeting. As long as I turn in my work on time, my boss doesn’t bother me. My coworkers will message me on slack till no end, but usually just to ask if I have a font or what I’m doing for my birthday LOL. I love working from home ♥️

My work bestie is taking PTO, so I sent her a care package with her favorite popcorn from Chicago, these cookies from NYC that she showed me on instagram, and some homemade furikake chex mix to snack on, plus a USB full of illegally downloaded movies so she can fully enjoy her well-deserved staycation.

I sent this video to my work bestie, and she said I’m definitely Mitchell 🤣

I have the “do not disturb” feature on my phone on between 11pm and 7am (if you text me between those hours, I won’t get notified, but a booty call will go through 🤣 I have calls turned on for emergencies). I used to have it on till 9am, but one time I was having lunch with my friend and she kept asking me if I did my catalog edits for work and I was like, “Yeah, I’ll get to it” not knowing our creative director had sent an email before 9am that morning that they were due that afternoon because I never got the notification because my do not disturb was on. I changed it to 7am after that.

My boss emailed me at 2am last night! 😵‍💫 I’ll keep my “do not disturb” on from 11pm-7am since I’m asleep during those hours, thank yew 😴

Also, I know I have to charge my phone. I am who I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: My coworker told me that our boss is in Germany right now. So she’s not completely unhinged emailing me at two in the morning, she’s just on Central European Time LOL.

This is pretty much how my first day back at work went. Also, I couldn’t remember any of my credentials 😅  I’ve never had to update so many passwords. It’s a good thing the new Local Natives album just came out, because it’s the only thing that got me through this day.

Lifted up, lifted up, lifted up
No, I don’t care about any of that now
It’s all been put behind
It’s falling through the cracks
Lost somewhere between
Where I was and wanna be now

Local Natives was the last band I watched live in LA. I had front row balcony tickets at the YouTube Theater at SoFi, and they didn’t sell enough tickets, so they closed the balcony and made everyone sit on the bottom floor. Except they didn’t tell anyone till they got there and already paid $40 for parking, so my seats were shitty because I skipped the opener and got there later and everyone had gotten their seats reassigned and were standing so I had to stand the whole time around these obnoxious people who talked through the entire show. I usually see Local Natives whenever they have a show in LA, and they had three shows at Hollywood Forever Cemetery after that (a venue that I love), but I was still mad about the YouTube show, so I refused LOL. It’s been a year, so I’m over it now. This new album is really good, so I might see them at The Sound when they close out their tour in San Diego.

This reminds me of the time my grandma was sick and she kept saying, “Take me now, Lord!” so my mom took her to the hospital. After she was better, my mom was all like, “Do you still want the lord to take you now?” 🤣

I can’t believe I go back to work tomorrow. I haven’t worked since the incident, but my work only covers health benefits for 6 months of medical leave, so I have to go back so my benefits don’t lapse. Time sure flies when you’ve had a couple of minor strokes 😅

Powerball and Mega are both up. Anyone want to quiet quit go halfsies on a lotto ticket with me???

Update 7/16/2023: No one has won Powerball or Mega 😬 My coworker was like, “If I won the lotto, I’d probably still work,” and I was like, “If I won the lotto, you’d never see me again!” I used to think that I couldn’t not work, but after 6 months of not working, it turns out I totally can 😅

Well, I don’t work there for the 50% discount 🤣

On Fridays, we eat Korean BBQ (@ Hanu KBBQ)

I took my sister out for dinner, partly because my short-term disability (or STD LOL) was finally approved (EDD is so old school with actual paperwork and snail mail) and the payments are retro to when I applied for my claim in January, but mostly because I checked my ADP app to make sure they took my bennies out of my last paycheck and saw they gave me an unexpected raise and bonus (even though I technically haven’t worked since the incident).

Good thing I was max’d out on sick time and vacation, because that’s how I’ve been getting paid since January. I’ll be lucky if I get my first disability check before I’m back at work!

…or my work sending out a departmental email letting us know that we’ll only be getting the day after christmas off instead of the entire week (like we have for the previous 7 years).

Excuse me while I open this box of fruit-by-the-foot I bought for my nephew and eat my feelings.

Our project manager put in his notice yesterday, the other senior web designer has been out sick since last week, and my boss just went on vacation today. Everything’s fine 😅

Welp, it’s officially been two years since I started working from home for what was supposed to be a two-week stint! Since then, I’ve put in countless hours of overtime and started taking serotonin supplements if that’s any indication of how life is going so far 😅

Too bad I’m a Rams fan now 😜

Oh, look… another glorious morning… makes me sick!

When spooky season coincides with conference season 🎃🤓

I feel seen.

BRB charging my crystals ✨

IDK if it’s my graphic design skillz or dat crystal energy helping me through this brutal conference season at work, but I’ll recharge these babies tonight under the full moon just in case!

(via @ketnipz)

It’s been tough working from home this past year, but I don’t miss my windowless office. The view from my studio is pretty uninteresting (though today I captured some rare LA rain!). When I get bored of the view, I just visit WindowSwap and pretend I’m working from somewhere else in the world… I’ve been in Georgetown watching this dog fetch a frisbee for hours now!

…or what I tell myself when I have to work on the weekend and they forget the organic goji berries on the $20 acai bowl I just postmated.

I’ve been working from home for four months now with no distractions (besides my neighbor’s car alarm that goes off, without fail, at least twice a day every time a leaf falls on it). With news this week that California is rolling back reopenings and kids won’t be returning to classrooms in the fall, this quarantine seems far from over. Hang in there, mamas!

Stoked that I don’t have an STD don’t have to work this weekend!

This lockdown has only made my department busier than ever, and I’ve been losing my mind working 12-hour days and being cooped up in my studio for nearly two months now. I’ve been in such a mood lately, and yet, my sister postmated me coffee bean and breakfast to make my life easier, my dear friend sent me cookies from across the country, and on the drive home from grocery shopping in Long Beach today, I witnessed this pink ass sunset. I really needed these little reminders that I have a good life and this shit is just temporary. Sorry for everything I said while in quarantine! XOXO

I had a lot of random jobs in my twenties, and for a brief window in 2004, I was a barista at Starbucks. It was a second job I picked up during the holidays for extra cash, and not one I stayed at very long. That was probably the last time I made my own coffee, and definitely the last time I woke up at four in the morning on purpose! Ha.

I mostly caffeinate with canned cold brew these days, but sometimes I’ll indulge in my most favorite iced coffee ever—Blue Bottle New Orleans. At $4 a pop, it’s not something I have on my everyday shopping list (a girl’s gotta pay her rent, after all). But they sell their cold brew kit online and are offering free shipping right now, so I thought why the hell not? What else do I have going on six weeks deep into this quarantine???

This homemade cold brew turned out way better than any coffee I ever made at Starbucks, and I didn’t even have to wake up before the sun to enjoy it. Win-win.

I’m one revision away from breaking some muthafuckin’ knees! Just kidding (please don’t furlough me).

Finally an office with a window! I could get used to working from home…

Now if I only had a bidet, a lifetime subscription to Freshly, and a peloton bike, I’d never have to leave my apartment! Just kidding (like I would ever use a peloton bike).

See you clowns on Zoom!

My coworker Luis came up to me this morning with his cup of grapes and was all like, “Is that your breakfast???”

In unrelated news, I had a salad for lunch today.

I’m just gonna watch this tube dude for the rest of the day.

BRB postmates is outside with my seafood risotto.

Earlier this week, my coworker Ben walked in on me eating a pb&j uncrustable in my office (yes, I bought the multipack in the ‘kids meals’ aisle at Target, and yes, I have no kids). He told me that he makes pb & honey ones for his daughter who hates jelly, and I said I’ve never had that combo before. This morning, he made an extra sandwich for me when he packed his kid’s lunch! He even cut the crust off lol!

(I’ve also never had wagyu beef, white albino caviar, or fourchu lobster if anyone reading this wants to bring me something, too.)

We survived another conference season (and work party!) (@ Manhattan Beach Studios)

Conference season at work is so draining. I wish I was back at the beach with these clowns! I promise we did more than just lay in bed last weekend (we also ate pizza).

What, you don’t have a fireplace in your office??? (@ SKX Advertising)

I need one of these in my apartment! It snowed in LA today, and I’m in bed under a korean blanket wearing two pairs of pants (that’s two more than I usually wear!).

Even Rocky is bummed I have to go back to work tomorrow.

I know so many people who are going through tough times right now (the death of a parent, the loss of their family home, and trouble conceiving, to name a few)… Besides LA traffic, my only other gripe is that I’ve been working long hours, and my postmates driver (that my work pays for) forgot to include utensils with my order last night, so I had to eat my calamari in my office with my bare hands like an animal. I feel like an asshole even mentioning it. All things considered, I have so much to be thankful for.

Luckily, I already used the restroom before getting into the elevator at work this morning (@ SKX Advertising)

Late night catalog season essentials (@ SKX Advertising)

S/O to my postmates driver, Jeff, who delivered my israeli couscous along with this handwritten note! Five stars. Highly recommend.

NOTE TO SELF: Don’t check your group e-mail about Shi’s bachelorette party on your work computer.

I learned the hard way. Like so, so hard.

My parents ziplined through the jungles of Puerto Vallarta while I put in 12 hours at the office today! Seriously tempted to use those five weeks of vacation time I’ve been hoarding…

Hardly working (@ SKX)

Finding a file on my coworker’s insane desktop is just too much to ask of me on a Friday.

It was straight up Ghost Hunters status at both work and home today. If you’re reading this, please send food. I can’t microwave my burrito.

Prohibition is over and so is conference season!!! 🎉🎉🎉 (@ Manhattan Beach Studios)

It wouldn’t be a luau without legit hawaiian shirts from Forever 21.

Yes, please.

Those two days I went to the gym this month really paid off! Ha. Sorry, Amber…

One bloody knuckle, two mai tais, and three rounds later!

Kansas got killed today, but Michigan’s win still put me in first place! Their chance of beating Villanova is like one in a million, so I’ll just enjoy being on top while I can…

Currently #2 out of 75, but my bracket automatically wins first place if Kansas beats Villanova tomorrow! 🏀🏆🎉

I’m just as surprised as the boys at work who had to explain to me what a seed is.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In the event that this isn’t anything like that Survivor pool I joined and won without ever watching a single episode, I have a few questions, like how do you know if it’s a 12 seed team or a 5 seed team, and also what is a seed???

I need to make a change.

The guac is extra, and so is my boss (@ SKX Advertising Dept)

Catching up with my coworkers (@ The Rockefeller Manhattan Beach)

All the ladies have been complaining about how cold it is in the advertising department, so our boss surprised us with these jackets to keep warm.

Wouldn’t it have been more cost-effective to just turn down the A/C?

Also, does this come in black???

I love it when Weird Science is playing in the break room at work, and I get to stare at Chet’s sweet ass while I’m eating.

Actual footage of me waking up for work today after being on vacation for two weeks. Yikes!

Christmas gift from my boss… I think she’s onto me.

SKX Global Sales Conference (@ Redondo Beach Performing Arts Center)

Hearing Schwarzenegger tell us “it’s not a tumor” was clearly the highlight of our conference.

I worked 16 hours straight yesterday and haven’t slept much these past few weeks 😩

I always need something good to look forward to during conference season, so I bought tickets to two LA shows (Sylvan Esso and Blind Pilot), an OC show (Young the Giant), and music festivals in LA (Arroyo Seco) and NYC (Panorama).

I may or may not have been delirious at one in the morning.

My boss texted me this picture of my car when she went out for lunch today. This is why she gives me USB cables and portable battery chargers for Christmas. She’s also the one who bought me a fire extinguisher after I almost burned down my apartment!

Yeah, I have no idea why she hired me.

Unlike that one time I won the dirty diaper baby shower game by identifying 10 out of 10 melted candy bars (some without even having to smell them), my intimate relationship with candy did not give me the edge in this puzzle competition at work today.

We placed #9 out of 10 (but still #1 in your hearts!). Who needs a $2K grand prize when you get to go home with this guy???

Workmode Squad (@ Universal Studios Hollywood)

NOTE TO SELF: Don’t get blitzed on bottomless mimosas on the bus before you ride every 3-D ride at Universal Studios.

Hardly working (@ Skechers Corporate)

Hardly working (@ The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas)

Our advertising department was in Vegas for less than 48 hours, and it took me longer than that to recover.

File under: Questions I ask myself on the regular

There’s this tall drink of water at my work, and every time I run into him, I’m either wearing no makeup or holding a loaf of bread.

I woke up late one Monday, rolled right out of bed and into an elevator with him inside. I’ve never looked uglier than I did that morning, and he’s in there asking me how my weekend was, and all I kept thinking was PLEASE AVERT YOUR EYES. Another time, I was changing the iPads at work when I look over and see him looking at me, so I froze and dropped my screwdriver. Today, I was in the elevator with him on my way to get coffee, and I just had to be holding that freaking loaf of bread that I keep in my desk drawer. Ugh!

He doesn’t even know how cool I am.

Happy birthday and an even happier retirement to my pops! (@ Bonita USPS)

Unfortunate circumstances kept me in town this week, but I’m glad I was able to be there on my dad’s last day at work where no fucks were given and retirement cake was served.

I don’t know what’s sadder—is it that part of my job as a web designer at Skechers involves creating e-blasts for the cafe inside our office building (how else would you know that tomorrow’s special is chicken tikka masala?!), or that while googling BBQ photos to use for their 4th of July special, I immediately recognized this spread from Smoke City Market???

If you’re looking for the key to my heart, a platter of smoked BBQ beef ribs will unlock all the mysteries.

…or my least favorite time of year.

Pretty sure there’s a direct correlation between the duration of my cold and the amount of overtime I’ve been working these past few weeks. 14-hour work days is not the cure.

Much needed sick day after working overtime every day this week with a cold! Somebody please bring me more donuts and be the big spoon.

OMG, my mom and her emoticons.

My sister just accepted a job offer back home in SD, and I couldn’t be happier for her (or sadder for me!). The best part about living in LA is that it’s only an hour away from my sister’s condo in the OC and a few hours away from home. With my sister and brother-in-law moving back to SD, I won’t be able to just drop by whenever I’m feeling homesick anymore. I’ll also have to find someone else’s husband to cook me breakfast on Sunday mornings! Ha.

Congrats, Pammie!!! I miss you already ♥

I usually enjoy being on my back, but this is getting ridic.

I’ve been living off muscle relaxers, pain killers and salon pas for the past three weeks. The cause is still unknown, but I’m pretty sure I went too hard at the Paul McCartney show! Ha.

I’ve been stressed out at work lately, and the doctor thinks I might be carrying the stress in my back. If only he could write me a doctor’s note forbidding me to work overtime. It’s the least he can do, since he won’t prescribe me more vicodin!

My 3-day weekend can’t come soon enough.

Bathroom break (@ Skechers)

My work conference started off with an inspirational speech by President Bill Clinton and ended with half naked dancers and one too many tequila shots with the VPs.

So… just another day at the office.

I caught Meb checking me out at work today!

Oh, wait. It’s just some creep.

This week’s edition of Who Wore It Better? (@ Skechers)

BEARD MAGIC HEALS EVERYTHING.
This is only the best e-card anyone has ever made me.
Thanks, Zack (and Levi!) ♥

Accurate.

So the cafe inside my work has an instagram account, and all the employees who follow it have a chance to win a $25 gift card every week. I was pretty excited when I won last month. I was less excited about the photo they chose of me, but my instagram is devoid of selfies, so I forgive them.

Anyway, I was talking to my coworker who runs the instagram account, and he was saying how they make a big deal at the cafe when you get your gift card. And I was like, “Yeah, they even take your picture!” And he was like, “Wait, what… They don’t do that.” And then I realized that the guy who sells me my $9 pressed juice every morning took a picture of me on his cell phone for his own personal collection!

I’m eating my feelings, and they taste delicious.

…or me after my annual review this week!

A generous raise plus a bonus big enough to pay off my credit card debt? YES, PLEASE. Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy that $500 bedding set I’ve been eyeballing at Anthropologie. And sometimes that’s enough to keep me warm at night.

Happy hour followed by open bar at my company holiday party last night! Someone please bring me a breakfast burrito and gatorade. I’ll be in bed under the covers.

28 pounds lighter and $175 richer!

This was me winning second place at my work’s weight-loss challenge last Friday. It’s a good thing I didn’t win first, because you wouldn’t be able to handle those dance moves!

I lost to some corporate lawyer who donated his winnings to a children’s hospital. Way to make me feel like an asshole! Ha. I already spent my share on Young the Giant tickets!

Not gonna lie, I peed a little when I saw Lorenzo at work today.

Partly to fund my Amazon addiction, but mostly because I hate myself, I picked up some freelance work designing eblasts for a cooking website during the holidays. I can feel my stomach eating itself looking at all this food porn right now…

Unusually heavy traffic made my commute home from work today a whopping 7 minutes. Life’s rough sometimes.

Just came back from my low fat, low carb, gluten-free lunch to this email from the cafe at work. HOW DARE YOU, SKECHERS.

Sometimes I think about how much I love cronuts, and I cry a little.

My work is hosting its third weight loss challenge this year, and I’m joining for the third time! It ends the week before Thanksgiving… just in time to gain some holiday weight go shopping with my winnings 😉 I’ve also decided to go gluten-free during the contest! Yikes. Thank yeezus for gluten-free vodka! I’m gonna need it…

On gorgeous days like today, my coworker and I like to eat our lunch outside on a bench like homeless people.

Either they haven’t cleaned my desk out since I left my last job (almost a year ago!), or some squatter has taken up residence underneath my old desk…

The highlight of my work conference was the free food trucks at lunch, obvi.

I start making bad choices around hour 13.

Finally starting my weekend after working 17 hours of overtime! Super bummed I missed cicLAvia and Anthony being in town. If there’s a silver lining in this, it’s that I can drown my sorrows in the beer he left at my apartment…

…or how I wake up my coworker when we have to work on a Saturday.

They recently let go of all three of our web freelancers at work (a.k.a. my lunch buddies!).

One of them said that she misses hearing my laugh from across the office. She is the second person who has told me that. Today.

Sound must really travel in the advertising department! Yeah, that must be it…

Damn, it feels good to a) be a gangsta and b) have your boss give you an iPad mini!

I only had to work on a Saturday. And sell my soul. No bigs!

Trying to stay awake while looking through hot model pics on my new iMac for this microsite I’m designing at work.

My life is so hard sometimes.

9:30 in the morning might seem a bit early to chalk this day up as a loss, but I’m going to do it anyway. This does not bode well for my weekly weigh-in tomorrow.

After putting in 20 hours of overtime this weekend, I don’t know what’s sadder—is it that I had vending machine pop tarts for dinner, or that I know from experience that the lights automatically shut off at my work at midnight?

…and maybe have some coffee, too 😉

My art director asked if I needed any supplies like pens, post-its, a bladeless Dyson fan… no bigs!

After waking up every day at an unholy hour, driving upwards of 2 hours each way, putting 550 miles on my car, and paying $46 in toll fees to commute back and forth between my sister’s place in the OC and my job in Manhattan Beach, I’ve finally moved into my new place in Redondo Beach! I couldn’t be happier that I’m only 2 streets away from my work now.

When I found this steal on Craigslist and submitted my rental application, the landlord who lives upstairs mentioned that he loves Filipino food and has never met a Filipino he didn’t like. I mean… if he only leased the bottom floor of his townhouse to me because he thinks I know how to cook Filipino food, then he’s in for 3 months of disappointment!

Everything happened so fast with the move that I didn’t have time to think about it. I’m so much happier at my new job, but I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my dog. Le’sigh.

If heaven is a 6×8 glass-enclosed cubicle, then this is it.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for the past year or two (or five), and today I finally get to publish this shiznittle bam snip snap sack!

Chatting with you is the only thing I’m going to miss about work! It puts a smile on my face when you send me nick@nite texts and pictures of your 22″ hot dog, so try not to forget about me after I blow this popsicle stand!

I’m officially the new Web Designer for Skechers! LA, here I come… Yikes!

I guess it’s time for my annual car wash.

I was roped into participating in an office juice cleanse. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and it kind of feels like the first day of school. Minus the fact that you get to eat solid foods that day. I’m pretty sure we’re all going to hate each other by EOD.

I went outside to grab something from my car when some creeper who works a few warehouses down tried to hit on me. He said that he has seen me around and has been meaning to introduce himself, all while staring at my chest! I hadn’t had any coffee yet, and I was not in the mood to be ogled. I told him I needed to get back to work, and he told my chest to come visit him anytime. Ugh. I truly wonder if he felt that went well.

I’m going to file this encounter under ‘reasons I need a new job,’ along with having to buy dental groupons because my work doesn’t provide basic dental insurance.

I baked these cookie dough brownies for my boss’ baby shower at work today. I don’t plan on eating any of them, but I’m sure I gained 3 pounds just thinking about it.

Also, I’m skipping the gym tonight. This has nothing and everything to do with brownies, but I mostly just wanted to get that off my chest.

…although it’s questionable how publicly acceptable I look when I’m not at home!

Apparently, while I’m at work gchatting with my friends (which is frequently—unless my boss is reading this, in which case it’s occasionally and only on nights and weekends), they’re at home wearing mascara while I’m out in public without a stitch of makeup on.

God forbid I run into the love of my life at Starbucks while wearing my yoga pants that, if we’re being honest, have never been worn to yoga.

I instantly regret wearing jeans instead of leggings to work today. How can I stuff my face with Phil’s BBQ when my clothes are so binding?

Is it 5 o’clock yet?

Oh, sweet jesus… there’s a video.

Sometimes I feel bad for Jesse because he’s one of the only dudes in the office… but then I remember that he gets to work with me, and I don’t feel bad for him anymore! Ha 😉

Or… Belle, Jesse and me at happy hour last night.

Another Saturday night in working on my design portfolio and eating enough takeout from Domo Sushi to feed a small village.

My Saturday nights have been pretty wild lately.

I picked the luckiest red envelope at work today! In other news, I’ve forgiven the white elephant gods for my booby prize.

Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.

If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.

I’m pretty sure this is Jesse’s way of saying that he no longer appreciates hearing me blast Young the Giant in my shitty earbuds all the livelong day.

Merry Christmas to us both!

My co-worker Jesse just sent me this right now. Apparently, he couldn’t help but notice that my soul died a little more than usual at work today.

I think it’s safe to assume that no one watered my plant while I was out of the office.

(It probably didn’t help that I never watered it while I was here, either.)

Not only do I teach my interns how to polish a turd in photoshop, but I also encourage them to forego their grad school scholarships and follow their dreams.

Somewhere, right now, Angela’s grandma is giving me the stink eye.

I find that my feelings toward work this week are best expressed through animated gifs. In addition, I really picked the most inopportune time to lay off the booze.

No lunch break at work, an hour of unpaid overtime, and a Chargers loss. Is my pet’s head gonna fall off next???

You said it, Rivers…

Happy birthday to my BFF at work! I didn’t come in an hour early to post-it bomb just anyone’s desk 😉 My appreciation for you runs deeper than your secret love for Hootie and the Blowfish. And I think we both know just how deep that is. Ha!

There’s an indirect correlation between the amount of work I get done and the number of gchats I have going at any given time. Today is Friday so… you do the math.

This was me after the recent layoffs at work these past few weeks.

Jesse said it was so quiet in the office yesterday that you could hear a mouse fart. My boss let go of half of our marketing team (including the two interns I wasted six months of my life training), and I’ve been given all of their marketing responsibilities. If I have to google how to do one more fucking Excel formula, I might have to cut a bitch. And since no one else is left, it might have to be Jesse. Or that farting mouse.