Considering I just spent 100% of my weekend being a fatass, spending 4% of my day at the gym was a small price to pay! Now excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep out of hunger. I didn’t get my ass handed to me during kickboxing for nothing!
A man fishes for two reasons: he’s either sport fishing or fishing to eat, which means he’s either going to try to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he’s going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up, and put it on his plate. This, I think, is a great analogy for how men seek out women. It’s not the guy who determines whether you’re a sports fish or a keeper—it’s you. Every word you say, every move you make, every signal you give to a man will help him determine whether he should try to play you, be straight with you, or move on to the next woman to do a little more sport fishing.
My ex invited me to his birthday party next weekend where he plans to resurrect the infamous rocket. I’m pretty sure I left my beer bonging days where I left my ex-boyfriend… in 2005 where they belong!
I’ve eased up on the concerts lately to save money for that trip to Outside Lands! Now that I’m not going anymore, I regret not buying tickets to see Jason Mraz & Christina Perri. They still have tickets available, but none of them are in the pit!
There are two things you should know about me:
I don’t do nosebleeds.
I always find a way to score awesome seats. Even if I have to sleep outside a Ritmo Latino to get them. Just kidding. I haven’t done that since I was 17.
Christina Perri feat. Jason Mraz – Distance
How long can we keep this up, up, up?
And I keep waiting…
After Bonnaroo, Lollapalooza and Coachella announced similar (amazing!) lineups, I was sure Outside Lands would follow suit. Never have twelve syllables hurt me so much to say, but NOT EVEN YOUNG THE GIANT COULD SAVE THIS LINEUP! I should have went to Coachella. At least I would have seen Radiohead. And Tupac’s hologram. Boo whore.
…although it’s questionable how publicly acceptable I look when I’m not at home!
Apparently, while I’m at work gchatting with my friends (which is frequently—unless my boss is reading this, in which case it’s occasionally and only on nights and weekends), they’re at home wearing mascara while I’m out in public without a stitch of makeup on.
God forbid I run into the love of my life at Starbucks while wearing my yoga pants that, if we’re being honest, have never been worn to yoga.
About how you’ve never doubted for a second that I’m the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.
And I guess he had never felt that way with my mom, even at their best.
There’s usually a scene in all my favorite shows that never fails to get me all choked up… like this scene from The Office where they explain how Jim’s feelings about Pam is what caused Pam’s dad to decide to leave her mom. Sometimes getting a taste of how things should be makes you realize you’re in the wrong place…
Nobody needs to see your belly button trail, happy or sad!
I finally had dinner with my favorite b’s last night! It’s so hard to get everyone together when we’re all so busy planning imaginary weddings on pinterest taking care of babies, studying for CPA exams, training for marathons, playing soccer, and testing “social experiments” 😉 Some of us don’t even have time to shower! LOL!
I usually try to go hard on my days off, but I just ended up going to the DMV, having brunch at The Mission, playing with my favorite frenchie, and calling it a night at 9:30. What has my life come to?