Pammie was telling me about some up and coming young NBA player who knocked up some video vixen from Basketball Wives LA twice his age who already has two kids with two different baby daddies, and her oldest son is the same age as her current boyfriend.
I googled her, and was like, “She looks puffy. She should get a lymphatic massage.” And Pammie was like, “She needs to do some gua sha.” LOL we’re haters ๐
When we were in Arizona, Pammie was doing her gua sha routine at the hotel, and I was telling her about this video I watched of Dove Cameron’s skincare routine where she does gua sha, but I was so high, I forgot why I was talking about Dove Cameron’s skincare routine halfway through my story, so I stopped and was like, “Why am I talking about Dove Cameron again?” ๐คฃ
Phoenix TSA confiscated her rosehip oil that she does gua sha with, because they said it was over the liquid limit. They even tested my mucuna powder, because they thought I was trying to sneak some cocaine on the plane. I’m like uhhh, don’t check the rest of my luggage, that’s where the real drugs are ๐
I’ve tried snowboarding thrice now and each time I somehow did worse than the last ๐ And this was before the stroke, so my balance is way worse now. I’ll just stick to charcuterie boarding, thank yew.
…or my pops being extra and changing into this outfit after the Niners won tonight’s game LOL. I was only rooting for Detroit because I wanted to see a real lion on the field at the Superbowl.
File under: Shit I get asked to do because I know Photoshop.
Obviously a dude had the championship ring made since it says, “The Motherfucking king of fantasy football,” even though the ring was made after two girls joined the league (my sister and my ex’s wifeโnot me, I don’t know anything about football), and Pammie won last year!
The Kelce brothers let Taylor Swift fans ask them questions about football, and the first one was, “What’s a field goal?” ๐คฃ
Was this like when I participated in my work’s March Madness pool for the first time, and I was like, “What’s the difference between a 12-seed team and a 5-seed team, and also what is a seed???”
Thank you for helping me enter my new football era! ๐
Don’t worry, I bought a new Padres hat to wear at the game. My old one is probably under my Dodgers hat in my apartment in LA. I only wore the Dodgers hat when I had bedhead or to avoid getting shanked at Dodger Stadium. Jessie was like, “Didn’t you get a Padres hat at the Harry Potter game?” And I was like, “Pammie says those are for display only” LOL.
Love this girl and watching the game from here (@ Lexus Club)
When Jessie showed up at my parents’ house with the uber, my mom was like, “It’s just you two???” concerned as fuck (you get roofied once and no one lets you forget about it). I havenโt had QT with Jessie, just us, since I used to help her carbo-load before her marathons (even though I didnโt run). She has since tore her ACL , and I hardly eat carbs now after the incident ๐
We were talking about what our walk-up song would be. Mine would probably be something Young the Giant LOL and my brother-in-law said his walk-up song would be “Send My Love” by Born Jamericans ๐คฃ
Our seats had access to the Lexus Club, so we watched the majority of the game from there while we chowed down on Hodad’s and got more drinks from the private bar. I can’t ever go back to regular seats again! ๐
To top it off, our uber driver home drove a Tesla. It was my first time riding in one, and the ride was so smooth!
JK, I think we settled on the Padres game this Saturday โพ Or we can pretend we’re 21 again at El Dorado one last time. We used to go there for drinks, and I’d wake up the next morning with a half eaten burrito next to my face LOL. I used to be fun ๐
I sent this video to Jessie because she has chickens, and I’ve been laughing for 100 years ๐คฃ
I laughed when I saw this clip because I used to drive by this baseball store on my way to get my brows done called Hitterโs House, and the first time I saw it, I had to do a double take because I thought it said โHitlerโs Houseโ ๐คฃ
P.S. My brow lady in LA probably thinks I’m dead since I used to see her every six weeks for the past decade, and I haven’t seen her since the incident. (Don’t worry, I’ve been going to my sister’s eyebrow threader in SD for the past six months, so my shit’s groomed.)
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ
Update 8/5/2023: My brow lady texted me this morning to make sure I was okay. I told her I’d see her once I was back in LA. Get you a brow lady who checks up on you LOL. Ask for Devi at Ziba in Torrance!
#TBT to that time I almost got into a fight at a Padres game (last weekend).
We had good seats in Section 110, but spent most of the time in the lawn area, partly because Shi was there with the kids, but mostly because it was near Hodadโs and the theme giveaway line.
Our tickets were $100+ each and parking was $55! Is this how much it costs to go to a game now??? I sound like my dad LOL. He was just saying he remembers when basketball playoff floor seats were only $500. When??? 40 years ago when the Clippers were a San Diego team? ๐คฃ
They’re building the Clippers a new stadium in Inglewood, down the street from where I paid $60 for parking for Dua Lipa last year (then I paid an extra $10 for a locker because my purse was too big!). It’s less than 20 minutes away from my apartment, but I’m not gambling with rideshare prices.
Sometimes I have to remind myself, “You’re in your forties now. You need to calm the fuck down.” ๐ I think I got my fire from my mom’s side. When I was a little kid, my mom and her sisters got into a fight with these girls at Potomac Park because they wouldnโt let my grandma use the water fountain. I just remember them ripping the braids out of the girls’ heads and taking their watches LOL. They were in their twenties back then, but they’re just as fiesty in their sixties now. Donโt mess with the Cuevas girls!
I went to a Padres game with these potterheads and all I got was a Hufflepuff hat (and garlic fries from Gaglione Brothers. And a cheeseburger from Hodad’s. Ok, and a churro from Lane’s Lemonade Stand. No ballpark beers, though, because the last time I mixed alcohol with my meds, I was sloppy as fuck!).
The theme giveaway line was 45 minutes long, and we overheard this guy tell his girl, “I love you, but Iโm not waiting in this line” LOL. Also, we picked up 3 hats first since the 4th person wasn’t at the game yet, so Pammie asks the giveaway dude for Gryffindor, Slytherin and Hufflepuff, and he starts reaching for a blue hat looking at her for confirmation, and Pammie was like, “Boy, that’s Ravenclaw!” ๐คฃ
The “paw squad” is my new favorite part of being at Petco ๐พ
UConn smoked SDSU in the NCAA Finals today (letโs face it, no one had State in their final March Madness bracket), but the Padres beat the D-backs and my dadโs heart surgery went well. All in all, a 10/10 day.
Not only did the dodgers beat my padres and go on to win the world series, they also had to disrupt my beauty sleep with all these fireworks outside my apartment.
Kansas got killed today, but Michiganโs win still put me in first place! Their chance of beating Villanova is like one in a million, so Iโll just enjoy being on top while I can…
In the event that this isnโt anything like that Survivor pool I joined and won without ever watching a single episode, I have a few questions, like how do you know if itโs a 12 seed team or a 5 seed team, and also what is a seed???
If my sister and I share a love of anything, it’s the dulcet tones of Sam Smith, and winning. She is next level when it comes to fantasy football and being the only girl in her league!