This song always puts a smile on my face, because I think of this video whenever I hear it. I added it to my twerkout playlist so I can smile through the pain when I feel like crying (always).

I want you to notice
When I’m not around
So fuckin’ special
I wish I was special
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

🖤

Astronaut In The Ocean (Remix) – Masked Wolf feat. G-Eazy & DDG

That’s why my girl never leave me
When I’m in it, she get creamy

Dance (A$$) Remix – Big Sean  feat.  Nicki Minaj

Wobbledy wobble, wo-wo-wobble, wobbin’
Ass so fat, all these bitches’ pussies is throbbin’
Bad bitches, I’m your leader, Phantom by the meter
Somebody point me to the best ass-eater

Cockiness – Rihanna

She may be the queen of hearts
But I’mma be the queen of your body parts

No one can do you
The way that I do
Boy I want you
I love it, I love it
I love it when you eat it

She heard of my deep stroke
She said, “Babe, does it hurt when I deep throat?”

The nastier the playlist, the harder I work out 😅

The first time I heard this Smiths song live was when Morissey performed it at Fuck Yeah Fest in 2015. I remember I was so high during his set, Deane looked over to me and was like, “Why are you crying?” LOL.

Now I’m streaming Coachella sets from bed in my jammies at 7 o’clock on a Friday night 👵🏻

All the things I did
Just so I could call you mine
All the things you did
Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

Your favorite crime, your favorite crime
‘Cause baby, you were mine

Ah, it’s been a year now
Think I’ve figured out how
How to think about you without it rippin’ my heart out
I know, you know, we know
You weren’t down for forever and it’s fine
I know, you know, we know
We weren’t meant for each other and it’s fine
But if the world was ending
You’d come over, right?

Where are you now?
Do you still think of me?
Or does your heart belong to someone else’s?
Love, oh, my love
I wonder sometimes, were you just a dream?
I sit in the dark
Wondering if our paths will ever cross again

I once danced to Janet Jackson’s Miss You Much off her Rhythm Nation album for my Modern Jazz class in 1989. I’m sure there’s a VHS tape of my performance floating around somewhere 😅

Dashboard Confessional at SOMA? Is it 2002???

I won’t be happy ’till I’m with you
Home for me is where you are

I sent Shi this post on IG that made me think of her, and we were chatting about Us the Duo breaking up. I mean, I’m unwell, but def not as sad as I was when Michael Jackson or Prince died LOL.

If you’re good enough, you’ll find a way
Maybe you could cause a girl to change her ways
Do you think about it night and day?
Maybe you could be the one to make me stay

I’m in an LA mood
I don’t wanna talk to you
She said, “Give me a day or two”
I go ’round and ’round
Satellite
Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in
I can see you’re lonely down there
Don’t you know that I am right here?

I miss crying at the cemetery 🖤

Patrick Watson has a show tonight at the Masonic Lodge at Hollywood Forever, and I would totally go if I was back in LA…

Yeah, you know I was blinded by my heart
Sinking from the start
Should’ve never followed you this far
Now I’m in the deep end
And you let me drown
You didn’t even try to save me
You let me drown
You didn’t even try to save me
But sometimes
Sometimes I sit and fantasize
Maybe sometime in another life
We could’ve got it right, got it right

The more I listen to this album, the more I love it 🖤

This song came up on my spotify under “recommended,” and I’ve been laughing for a million years.

Big Brother 👀

I’m usually weary of places I travel to where I don’t see any other Asians, and even though I literally didn’t see a single Asian there (except the Koreans who worked at the Bowl & Roll at the Farmers’ Market LOL), everyone was so nice to us. I love that everyone said, “y’all,” and called me, “baby.”

Our airbnb was in East Nashville (or “East Nasty” as the locals call it LOL), and it was Dolly Parton-themed.

The SEC College Basketball Tournament was going on this weekend, so Broadway was packed. I didn’t know they called Nashville “Nash Vegas.” It was that lively, but much cleaner. Also, they have an open container policy like Vegas does (I saw a bunch of signs at the airport that guns weren’t allowed past the TSA checkpoint, so they must be open carry here, too). Someone spreading the word of the lord on a megaphone handed me a pamphlet on the street, but I was in a hurry on my way to Justin Timberlake’s restaurant LOL. Plus, I’m beyond being saved 😅

I heard you taste like cotton candy, baby, I’m just tryna see
I heard you wanna leave with me, if so, I do agree
You heard that I could get your body where it needs to be
Uh, look, you have no idea
But if you’re really curious

I promise that the real thing
It’s better than your imagination

JT’s new album came out this weekend, so it was only fitting we hit up his restaurant (@ The Twelve Thirty Club)

The food was amazing. The rooftop bar had bubble machines. The girl singing in the live band sounded like she could be a recording artist.

The drink I ordered was called the Basic AF Mule LOL.

If I were to ever move to Nashville, I’d live in the 12South neighborhood. It reminded me so much of North Park, where every craft house had a porch, and everyone had a dog.

We spent Saturday morning here. We had coffee and biscuits with chorizo sausage gravy at Frothy Monkey, donuts at Five Daughters Bakery, cookies at Christie Cookie Co  (they supply the DoubleTree Hotel with all their chocolate chip cookies), and did our own walking tour of all the murals.

We did the Chef’s Choice menu and loved everything (@ Butcher & Bee)

My favorite dish of the weekend was the Avocado Crispy Rice, but everything they brought out was sooo good. This restaurant was also across the street from our airbnb, so we were able to walk there and roll ourselves home.

IDK if it’s because Asian don’t raisin, but I got carded everywhere I ordered a drink. This drunk girl at the table next to us was talking to us at dinner because she said she and her sister were the only ones drinking in their group and she thinks her friends were tired of them LOL. She was in her 20s and refused to believe we were in our 40s, so Donna showed her a picture of her 26-year-old son, who Donna had when we were in high school. That girl thought Donna’s son was cute (his dad is half white and half filipino and looks mexican, so his buddies call him, “Chino” 😆) and coincidentally lives in the same town her son lives in. She was like, “Tell him to go to Hawkers and I’ll take care of him!” Ha. Thanks for making me feel so young, Nashville 👧🏻

Self-care Saturday.

After dinner, our 42 and 43-year old asses were tired after being out all day (we woke up at 6am!), so we went back to the airbnb and did some Korean face masks and under eye patches.

A great way to show me you know nothing about me is to invite me to watch the sunrise at the butt crack of dawn 😆 There were two other couples at this lookout point watching the sunrise, and I was like, “Never once have I gotten up this early to watch the sunrise with a boy, let alone two married women.” LOL. They’re both super type A, and I’m really disorganized and not a morning person. My old coworker and dear friend is also type A, and we got along swimmingly. She never minded that I was so messy. She once told me, “You make concessions for the people you love.” 🥹 So I will get up at the butt crack of dawn for the people I love LOL. But I will not use packing cubes or fold my panties. That’s where I draw the line 😆

Donna loves Husk in South Carolina, so she said we had to try the one in Nashville, and it didn’t disappoint (@ Husk)

She also made all of our reservations, and everywhere we went, she told them we were celebrating my birthday 🥳

I’m just here for the kettle corn. And the baby goats. And the grumpy dwarf rabbit named Tito (@ Lucky Ladd Farms Tulip Festival)

I don’t usually like Indian food, but I couldn’t go to Nashville without trying one of Maneet Chauhan’s restos (@ Chauhan Ale and Masala House)

Maneet is a staple on Food Network, and she even won season 2 of Tournament of Champions (her TOC belt was at the resto!). I ordered the Tandoori Chicken Poutine which was life changing. Pammie’s favorite dish of the whole trip was here—Lamb Korma. As a rule, I don’t eat baby animals (just adult animals who have lived a full life LOL), so I didn’t try it, but it’s their most popular dish.

We spent our last night in a Dolly Parton-themed bar on top of the Graduate hotel (@ White Limozeen)

It probably wasn’t a good idea to do champagne jell-o shots when I had a 6am flight the next morning, but when in Nashville, darlin’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Till next time, Nashville ✌🏼

Even though I ate everything I wanted to, I didn’t get a single high glucose alert on my phone. It’s because we did so much walking. My calves burn with the fire of a thousand suns, and I’ve been rubbing massage oil into my legs since we got back. My sister and mom get notifications when my blood sugar is too high, so having sore stems was worth not getting hassled about what I’m eating.

My sister’s husband picked us up from the airport, and he was like, “You look fatter. Not your body, just your face.” I’m like, “Uhh, thanks?” #1 How dare you? #2 I’m the skinniest person in this car #3 I will punch you where I stand and #4 I would never tell someone they looked fatter, even if they did. If anything, I would lie and say they looked skinnier, even if they didn’t! Excuse me while I go starve myself and cry into my green juice and drink my tears.

Nashville’s only two hours ahead, but I’m still jetlagged as fuck for some reason 😅

Justin Timberlake – Pusher Love Girl

Hey little mama
Ain’t gotta ask me if I want to
Tell me, can I get a light?
Roll you up and let it run through my veins
‘Cause I can always see the farthest stars when I’m on you
I don’t wanna ever come down off this cloud of loving you

I’ll just be here if you need me 🫠

Kolohe Kai’s gonna be at the Del Mar Fair this summer. Does anyone want to go??? I used to not like Hawaiian music, but I had such a good time in Kauai, and my paradise playlist has been on rotation ever since. Plus, my friend would always listen to Hawaiian radio when I worked in the office, and every time I’d go to her office, a Hawaiian version of Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” would be playing, and I’d be like, “Is this our song?!” 🤣

And the reason es tú

I was listening to Hoobastank on Spotify LOL and came across this Latin version of The Reason! I used to think the mark of a good zumba class was if they played Pitbull or Marc Anthony, but I would go fucking loca if they played this song 🤪

I can’t even look at Jack Black without thinking of my friend, Jay 🤣

Extreme is playing the Ryman in Nashville next weekend when I’ll be there LOL. I’d rather see Jack Black doing covers…

Deftones are playing a music festival in Spain when I’ll be there, but I’ll be 8 hours away from Barcelona that day. I don’t think I’ll be able to swing it, but I love going to concerts when I’m traveling 🖤

I tell myself you don’t mean a thing
And what we got, got no hold on me
But when you’re not there, I just crumble

When I worked in the office, my office was next to my boss’ office. She would hear all the sad music I’d listen to through our shared wall and be like, “Is everything okay?” LOL. Occasionally, she’d pop in to make sure I wasn’t hanging from my mouse cord (just kidding, my mouse was wireless). Since she knew I loved depressing music, she introduced me to this song years ago, and it recently came up on my spotify 🖤

OK, I can start my day now 😅

What in the Indecent Proposal? 🫠

Deftones are gonna be at Coachella this year, but as much as I love live music, I think I would hate going to that festival. I remember a group of girls from my work went the year Tame Impala headlined, and I asked how Tame Impala was when they came back, and they were like, “Who???” 🙄 People just go to this festival to be seen and wear cute outfits…

🖤

I’m not worried about where you are
Or who you go home to
I’m just thinkin’ about you

I had tickets to see Harry Styles, but they rescheduled his tour because of covid, and I opted for a refund instead. He played 15 sold-out shows in LA, and I didn’t go to a single one of them. It has been my #4 regret in life ever since (#3 is running into Milo Ventimiglia at an otherwise empty NYC subway station in 2005 and not asking him to father my children. Don’t ask me what the first two are—I’m taking them to my grave!). It’s raining today, so it’s a good time to bust out this album and ruminate over all of my life regrets.

Cage the Elephant, Young the Giant and Bakar??? Yes, please.

🖤

He’s so tall and handsome as hell
He’s so bad, but he does it so well
And when we’ve had our very last kiss
My last request is
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress
Staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again
Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

It’s two in the morning
I don’t need nobody else
But you’re my tragedy

Young the Giant is always a good idea.

Rolling in hella deep, headed to the mezzanine
Dressed in all pink ‘cept my gator shoes, those are green
Draped in a leopard mink, girl standing next to me
Probably shoulda washed this, smells like R. Kelly’s sheets (piss)
But shit, it was 99 cents

Macklemore was surprisingly entertaining and brought attention to what’s happening in Gaza.

I will not ask you where you came from
I will not ask, and neither should you

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips
We should just kiss like real people do

And it’s worth it, it’s divine
I have this some of the time

At night I cry and howl at the moon

The world I love, the tears I drop
To be part of the wave, can’t stop
Ever wonder if it’s all for you?

And I thought my festival ‘fit was fire 😅 (@ Innings Festival)

The ice machines were down at the airport this morning, so they couldn’t serve iced coffee anywhere. I had to pick up some overpriced bottled bullshit from Hudson News. Then I got the window seat in an aisle with no window on our flight LOL. Hopefully the rest of my weekend goes smoother 😅

I think I like this little life

Rainy day tunes 🌧️

Friyay vibes ✌🏼

My worlds colliding ♥️

I used to doordash Mcdonald’s for breakfast every morning, even though they’re literally across the street from my apartment. Now, I only treat myself to this meal every few months after some routine blood tests 😅 Or when I’m happy to pay $300 to get my car out of a tow yard because I initially thought someone stole it (a Mcdonald’s breakfast is celebratory. Fight me).

P.S. I’m so excited to see Phantogram at Innings Fest, even though I’ve seen them live a million times since I first saw them at Outside Lands in 2011. I’ve actually already seen a lot of the bands that will be there (Young the Giant, Hozier, Jimmy Eat World, Red Hot Chili Peppers). What can I say, I’m a repeat offender ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Sade covers on this rainy Monday.

I’ll just be here the rest of the weekend 🫠

I heard this song on Chel’s instagram post about her stay at Jacumba Hot Springs Hotel, but I thought they were saying “chainsaw daydreams” instead of “chase our daydreams” LOL. I’ve been listening to too many true crime podcasts 😅

So if I get jealous, I can’t help it
I want every bit of you, I guess I’m selfish
It’s bad for my mental, but I can’t fight it, when
You’re out lookin’ like you do, but you can’t hide it, no

Currently on rotation ❤️

My sister and her husband were on some “dinner playlist” music channel on TV, and her husband was like, “Why does this sound like a song Mayan would like?” and my sister looked up and it was Lord Huron. She was like, “Yep. She loves this band.” What can I say, I’m partial to sad indie music ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

One time, we were at a Lord Huron show, and my sister was like, “I can’t find this band on Instagram” (she was trying to tag them in her story), and I look over at her phone and she had typed, “Lady Huron” LOL. I was like, “You know it’s ‘Lord Huron’ right?” 🤣

I’ll just be here for the rest of the day.

Nori messaged me earlier and was like, “Still busy?” I’ve been super busy at work this week, because I’m still catching up from being on vacation and being out sick from my tummy ache last week. I was like, “Yeah, don’t they know I’m trying to win JT tickets over here?!” 😅

He said, “baby, ” that’s what he called me, “I love you”
Every single word you say makes me feel some type of way
It’s the thought of you that slightly scares me
But it takes my breath away, forget what I was gonna say
The day that I met you, I started dreaming
Now I write ’em down if I remember in the morning time

I just want a daddy who sends me songs that make him think of me 😆 I told Jessie to tell Nixon (who’s in middle school), it doesn’t get easier in your 40s 😅

I was fine getting general admission tickets, but Pammie insisted we treat ourselves to VIP passes. YOLO ✊🏼 Is it February yet???

BRB crying.

Forbidden love is like my favorite trope, and if you’ve never seen Moulin Rouge!, Christian (a writer) and Satine (the star of the Moulin Rouge) are secretly in love, but they need the duke to invest in the club to keep it afloat, and the duke wants Satine, so she pretends to be in love with him. Christian gets jealous and writes this song for Satine to sing in the show so whenever they sing it, it means they still love each other, and my heart bursts every time I hear it ♥️ Also, Ewan Mcgregor has the voice of a goddamn angel, and I’m still salty that he was robbed of an oscar nom in 2002. That is all.

It’s officially been a year since I checked into the hospital after the incident 😅 Life took a 180 after the pandemic, and another 180 after having the strokes, so I’ve done a complete 360 and am back to where I started 😆 So grateful to still be here today and celebrate with this chocolate vanilla swirl pudding snack (yes, I instacarted this jello, and yes, it’s sugar-free).

Sidenote: Adan Canto, who played Arman Morales on The Cleaning Lady, passed away yesterday after a private battle with cancer 💔 I don’t usually get choked up about celebrities dying (unless it’s Paul Walker, Robin Williams, Chris Cornell, Chester Bennington, Anthony Bourdain, Kobe… ok, maybe I do). I can’t believe he’s gone. He was my age. Life is short. Give your loved ones a big hug today…

I’m vanilla, baby
I’ll choke you, but I ain’t no killer, baby

I was going through my music tag, and I came across this Dia de los Deftones post where I was excited about Mike Shinoda being there. I just noticed Doja Cat on the flier! I didn’t know who she was 5 years ago, but she was my top artist on Spotify this year. If that was the current lineup, I’d totally be there.

How my demons look?! 😈

BRB, listening to Hoobastank’s 20th Anniversary Limited Edition LP ✌🏼

P.S. Hoobastank liked and reposted my instagram story 💀

This tracks. Although I would’ve thought Hoobastank would’ve made the cut, but Spotify stops tracking sometime in November, and I didn’t have them on heavy rotation until after that in preparation for their 20th anniversary show in December.

Reliving my youth (@ The Echo)

I started off my morning by doordashing a spanish latte and sunrise pizza from Urth Caffé. I went to my doctor’s appointment and Dr. Joshi had nothing but good things to say about me (the first time I saw him earlier this year, he said I was “hanging on by a thread” 😅). I went through 4 months worth of mail and had over $700 in checks from overpaying for my health bennies during my medical leave. The Echo’s up the street from Guisados on Sunset, so we ate some delicious tacos before watching Hoobastank at The Echo. Not to be dramatic or anything, but yesterday was the best day of my life.

I haven’t seen Hoobastank live since they opened for Linkin Park on their Meteora tour in 2004! Fun fact: Hoobastank went to high school with Linkin Park members (Mike Shinoda, Rob Bourdon and Brad Delson). I felt like a kid again watching them. Like, is it 2003? Am I about to get a charlie horse after watching them at Canes??? 😆 I was reminded that I’m not, in fact, a kid anymore when we walked back to the car and we didn’t have to pay for metered street parking because of my handicap placard, and when I was falling asleep on the drive home before midnight 😅

Shoutout to the guy standing in front of me wearing a Yellowcard hoodie 😂

Only two things about LA still warm this heart—the food and live music.

Update: You guys, Hoobastank liked my Instagram story 💀

So with flour on my hands
I’ll show them all how
Goddamn happy I am

What if when he sees me
I like him and he knows it?
What if he opens up a door
And I can’t close it?

BRB crying (@ AMC UTC 14)

Waitress is my favorite musical ever. Yes, over Hamilton. They both debuted in 2016, and Waitress was nominated for four Tony Awards, but Hamilton swept the Tony’s that year (Sara Bareilles was robbed, IMO). They’re showing the musical for a few days at the movie theatre, so I had to watch it with Shi (who was lucky enough to catch the musical on Broadway) and Pammie (who watched it with me here in San Diego). I made us some deep shit dish apple pie to celebrate. Just kidding. I instacarted a Julian Pie from Vons 😅 Ain’t nobody got time to bake a pie from scratch!

I put the pie slices in mason jars like they served at the musical for us to eat at the movie theatre because I’m extra. Shi was like, “Were they selling these outside?” And I was like, “No, I made them. Well, I bought the pie. I just put it in jars and made the label.” 😅 She was like, “I was just trying to make it here on time!”

It only takes a taste
When it’s something special
It only takes a taste
When you know it’s good
Sometimes one bite is more than enough
To know you want more of the thing you just got a taste of

We watched the musical live at the Civic Theatre, but they took it off Broadway in 2020, so I never got to see Sara Bareilles play the lead role in NYC. She did a small run with Jason Mraz playing her doctor, but I couldn’t find anyone who could just go to NYC for the weekend to watch it. I guess I don’t know anyone who flies by the seat of their very chill pants like I do! I hope they release it digitally so I can cry watch it at home whenever I want.

At the end of this life are you happy?
Are you good with the choices you made?
Are you being yourself or just acting?
Do you wish you could start again?
When you’re on your last legs, on your death bed
When your life flashes before your eyes
Do you like who you’re with in that movie?
Or do you belong in mine?

Blake Rose songs on this cold ass day 🥶 (Yes, 60° is cold af to this San Diegan).

And it’s worth it, it’s divine
I have this some of the time

Kevin Garrett covering my favorite Hozier song ♥️

Only 30 more days till Christmas!

Spoiler alert, I’m the fun aunt 💰🎄🎅🏻✨

I hardly ever post on my personal instagram account (one time, I went to do one of those “top 9 posts of the year,” but I couldn’t because I didn’t have 9 posts LOL). I post on my chenford account pretty often, though! Today, this video I edited to The Reason hit 10,000 likes, one of them being from HOOBASTANK! IDK if I’m more stoked Hoobastank liked my video or more embarrassed that they know (and now you know) I’m such a fan girl 😅

This is my favorite Young the Giant song, and I love that they included it on their live album that came out today. I can’t wait to see them again at Innings Fest, even though I’ve seen them at least ten times in the past decade (including at the inaugural Innings Fest!).

Novo Amor and homemade chicken sotanghon on this rainy Wednesday 🌧️

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes and Trolls Band Together also come out on November 17. What a time to be alive.