Anyone who knows me is familiar with what some people refer to as “mayanisms.” It’s those little things I do that make me ME… and you love me for it (though your ass would never admit it). I always miss phone calls because I can never find my cell phone in the abyss that is my purse. I don’t realize that I’ve lost your $350 digital camera, because I was far too busy eating birthday cake (and too drunk off of margaritas) to notice it was no longer attached to my wrist at a party full of southsiders that none of us knew. The mayanism I pulled last week was probably the worst one I’ve ever done… The great purse disaster of 2005. It still hurts to talk about it. Okay so it was a Friday and I was craving Phil’s BBQ so I called some friends up and we all met there around seven. Michelle had to go somewhere after dinner, so I drove separately so I could bring Skokie and Raul home after. I missed a turn and got lost, so I called Skok and he told me I shouldn’t be allowed to drive anywhere. It’s true… but it didn’t help my situation. By some form of miracle, I found my way to Phil’s on my own… Trace, Nina, Brent, Vince and Brandon were still eating since they got there after us, so Skokie, Raul and Jay were gonna go back home to Eastlake with me. Let me mention that my car is always a mess. Everyone knows this. I always bring extra clothes with me in case I want to change into my yoga pants or something LOL. Anyway, so all these clothes are strewn all over the backseat of my car, and I put my purse on top of my car so I could move everything to the trunk. Jay and Raul get into the backseat, I get in the passenger side and Skokie starts driving… We were having SUCH a good time. Jay amazed us by singing the ENTIRE Perfect Strangers theme song and then further amazed us with the Gummi Bears theme song. We were laughing so hard, and I was thinking… I gotta call Edgar and tell him about this. I go to get my phone and notice my purse isn’t in the front seat. I check the backseat and it’s not there, either… I had Skok pull over and we checked the trunk and it wasn’t there. Then it dawned on me… I left it on top of the fucking car! I couldn’t believe it… but really… I could. I would do something like that. Not one person was surprised when they found out about what happened. We went back to Phil’s and Skok and Raul looked around the outside of the restaurant while Jay and I walked down the street we took to the freeway. Jay starts running, because he saw my purse in the middle of the road… being pummelled by car after car after car. He ran into the street and grabbed my purse, but nothing was in it but a shattered bottle of floozey red nail polish. Everything else was scattered all over the street… my beloved prescription Gucci sunglasses, iPod, digital camera and brand new (uninsured) cell phone… all broken beyond repair. We were all standing on the side of the road watching the cars pass, occasionally running into the street to pick up my credit card.. my driver’s license.. my debit card.. Skokie was THISCLOSE to getting hit by a car. He was like a deer caught in headlights… I guess it could’ve been much worse… nothing lost was irreplaceable. It just pains me to have to replace it all. Sad times.