Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

It’s a lot easier to be lost than found. It’s the reason we’re always searching and rarely discovered—so many locks, not enough keys.

Since the first day you reached out to me, I kept searching for hints of the relationship you kept from me. I couldn’t see it in the description of your morning routine or your weekend recaps, but I could feel it in your absent admission to the contrary. I planned to keep quiet and let this fade out, as I do with everything else I feel isn’t worth fighting for. But this was you. And to me, you have always been worth it. So I finally got up the nerve to say,

Are you seeing anyone?

I knew the answer before I even asked the question. I should have asked you this in the beginning, but I convinced myself that you wouldn’t hide something like that from me. Except you did. And while you justified it by not doing anything more than correspond back and forth, the line was already crossed when you first contacted me, and you’ve been on the other side of it ever since.

At least I know that you didn’t just dismiss me as some reckless fling you had when we were younger. I can’t be mad at you for wanting to talk to me, but what was the point of this, other than resurrecting all these memories I haven’t thought about in years? It’s like you just came back to remind me that you still can’t do this. Even if you didn’t know what you were looking to get out of this in the beginning, you made the choice not to tell me about her for months. What did you want from me?

You and I will always have some unfinished business, but eventually, it’ll be as it was. You’ll forget about me. I’ll forget about you.

You’ve been out of my life for years, but somehow your absence is more tangible now than it ever was. How can I miss something I never had?

Well, I’d say I’ve successfully fulfilled my nostalgia quota for the week year.

This trip down memory lane ended at my old friend/ex-love’s 30th birthday party last night. It’s strange to see someone you’ve spent so much of your life with and feel nothing… And to think of someone else you didn’t spend nearly enough time with and feel everything.

She wanted something else, something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps. Or maybe a quiet, heartfelt conversation into the wee hours of the night. Or perhaps something as simple as not being second.

(image via thewordsalloverme)

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

(image via the beholder)

Don’t say a word, just come over and lie here with me
‘Cause I’m just about to set fire to everything I see
I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe
There I just said it, I’m scared you’ll forget about me

Yesterday, there was an unexpected venti iced sugar-free vanilla soy latte waiting for me at my desk when I got to work in the morning. Christine treated me out to pizza and beer at Pizza Port for dinner. And then I ended the night at an amazing $10 Temper Trap show with my girls.

Today was nothing like yesterday.

(image via thresca)

I don’t care what people say
The rush is worth the price I pay
I get so high when you’re with me
But crash and crave you when you leave

I really hate myself for liking this song.

Sold out Temper Trap show at the Belly Up tonight! Can’t wait to hear them live.

Sweet disposition
Never too soon
Oh, reckless abandon
Like no one’s watching you

I had brunch with the girls at Cafe 21 this morning. You know I’m never up this early on a Sunday unless there’s food involved.

Shi’s almond-chocolate butter stuffed french toast:

Pammie’s salmon benedict:

My strawberries and cream french toast:

Def will come back for more once I’m out of this food coma.

500 Days of Summer at Cinema Under the Stars tonight. Can”t wait ♥

Weezer – (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/weezer-iwantyouto.mp3]

If you’re wondering if I want you to
I want you to
So make a move
‘Cause I ain’t got all night

Slowly but Shirley via email:

Hi love… I saw this pic and thought of you. Since you were all about those upside down animals in your blog. And this dog TOTALLY reminded me of you. I mean… how many times have I seen you in this position anyway? In your short shorts that might as well be underwear!? Hahhaha =)

#1 How dare you? Shorts, by definition, are short! It’s in the name.
#2 I’m totally in this position right now as I type this in my underwear.

This really did cheer me up today 🙂 Thanks, babeway ♥

I just received an invitation to my ex‘s dirty 30th. It has been years since I’ve seen him and even longer since we’ve dated. It seems like only yesterday I designed the flyer for his 21st birthday. Haha. This should be interesting.

(image via luftschloss)

Nasty wake up call this morning (and not the good kind, either). It was way too early on a Sunday for all that bitching. I would love to just take a drive along the coast and listen to my summer playlist, but it’s cloudy outside, barely sixty degrees, and oh yeah, my driver’s license is still suspended. Boo whore.

Anyway, on with the playlist:

1. The Kooks – She Moves In Her Own Way
2. Vampire Weekend – Campus
3. Phoenix – 1901
4. Franz Ferdinand – No You Girls
5. Weezer – (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To
6. Neon Trees – Animal
7. The Strokes – You Only Live Once
8. Cake – Let Me Go
9. Modest Mouse – Float On
10. Arctic Monkeys – I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor
11. Kings of Leon – Four Kicks
12. Phantom Planet – Big Brat
13. Hot Hot Heat – Goodnight Goodnight

Listen to the full playlist here.

Lil Wayne + The Office
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/officemusik.mp3]

Count Choculitis?
Why did you write that down, Jim?
Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

In the process of renewing my car insurance earlier this week, I found out that my license has been suspended for the past seven months! Yowza. Some asshole CHP pulled me over on the freeway during morning traffic in the pouring rain just for having tinted windows last year, and I forgot about the $10 fix-it ticket, of course. Now that I’ve paid 48x the original ticket price (yikes!), I still need to be able to drive to work and back while I wait a week for them to reinstate my license. I’d like to avoid getting a misdemeanor and having my car impounded, so I’ve been driving with my still-tinted windows rolled down while my windblown hair grows ten times bigger by the time I reach my destination. As if having tinted windows is the only reason I’d get pulled over… Never mind that I’m on my phone tweeting pictures of my dog while I’m driving.

BEYOND / BEYOND:

So, we saw this, threw in the design towel, found a quiet dark corner, cried & ate chocolate. Three syllable word A-MA-ZING. These lovelies come from Mayan Rocks who we found via Hifiweddings.com.

Thanks for the feature and the sweet email 🙂

I googled “happy birthday alicia” and these are the images that came up! Haha. Happy 29th birthday to my favorite Mexican. I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you today, but I hope these googled cakes will suffice until we meet again (soon, I hope). Love you mucho, cabrona ♥

After a particularly shitty afternoon, these upside down animals really turn my day around. Seriously, what has my life come to? Off to the gym to de-stress.

(image via overflowing)

(image via milkteef)

Ian Somerhalder needs to have my babies already.

I always thought I inherited my winning personality from my crazy mom, but now I’m not so sure.

If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a shit, he genuinely doesn’t give a shit. No exceptions.