My mom asked me if the bestie texted me to join their Survivor pool, and I was like, ‘WTF? No!!!’ The way they play is they just draw names before the season starts, and if one of their players win at the end, they win the pool. I once won the Survivor pool without ever watching a single episode 😅 My mom actually watches the show and has joined their pool several times before, and they only needed one extra person, so I didn’t make the cut this season (my mom is the only non-relative!). Oh, well. Joke’s on you, bc when I logged into Paypal to pay my mom’s dues (I haven’t used Paypal in years, probably, and even had to reset my password bc I didn’t remember what it was), I had nearly $900 in there! I don’t even know where it’s from bc you can only check your transactions from the past two years, and it was from before that 🤑

Fuck Trump and fuck Disney 🖕🏻

Charlie Kirk was a fucking racist ass white guy who was just a bigoted podcaster at the end of the day who said he didn’t believe in empathy, and certainly will never get any from me.

(via @grahamghammer)

Also, I have never been a big Disney fan – I’ve only been to Disneyland a handful of times in my life even though it’s literally half an hour away from my apartment. My friend’s mom worked there for 20+ years and the day she retired, they cut off her free Disney+ account – Like, how fucking cheap are you that you don’t provide free Disney+ for life for employees who retired from your company after 20+ years??? I hardly went there as a kid, and I don’t have any kids to bring there now, so it’s not a nostalgic place for me.

Anyway, I can’t believe this is the America we’re living in rn. I’m just gonna leave these here to show what kind of person Trump and Disney are defending:

(via @feminist_news_now)

(via @brandonctriola)

(via @stair_grit)

Direct quotes from the idiot himself:

[Executions] should be public. It should be quick. It should be televised. You could fund the government. You could have like, ‘brought to you by Coca-Cola.’

I can’t stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made-up, new age term that — it does a lot of damage.

I think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights.

Charlie Kirk got exactly what he deserved wanted.

(via @kaelidance)

You got a dark side, guess you’re not the only one
What if we both tried fighting what we’re running from?
We can’t fix it if we never face it
What if we find a way to escape it?

Do I just have a thing for animated demons? 😅

Or just all demons?

While we’re on the subject of embarrassing revelations about myself, I was raving about how much I love banana pudding at the Padres game, and my sister was like, ‘Didn’t you used to love the banana cream pie from Coco’s, too?’ I was like, ‘Ya! One time (before the stroke, obviously) I doordashed an entire banana cream pie from Coco’s. As I was eating a slice, I thought to myself, ‘Is this rock bottom?’ 😅

Anyway, I’m already regretting posting this. Might delete later, probably.

I’m the only one who doesn’t dye my hair in my family. My parents have been box dyeing their grays for years now, and so has my sister who is only 13 months older than me. She usually gets balayage done at the salon and touches up her roots herself. Sometimes my sister dyes my mom’s hair and my mom dyes my dad’s hair. I’m not allowed to dye anyone’s hair – You accidentally mix the developer with the conditioner instead of the color gel once, and people never let you forget it 😅 They would always say how lucky I am that I don’t get grays. I don’t blow dry or straighten my hair, either, I’ve got that stick straight Asian hair that doesn’t hold a curl.

Anyway, when I was brushing my hair the other day, I noticed one hair in my part shining in the light. It was a fucking white hair! I asked Pammie to tweeze it, and she was like, ‘Which one???’

Which one?! I beg your finest pardon?! You guys, I apparently have multiple gray hairs… Am I old? (Don’t answer that).

I love me some salt and pepper on a man, but this is not a cute look for me 👵🏻

(via @cbcgem)

It’s Addams with two D’s – like ‘padded room’

🖤

(via @lissylemonade)

Pammie and her husband are at a birthday party for my ex’s ex-girlfriend (she married my sister’s husband’s childhood friend). My sister asked me if it bothered me that she was friends with my ex’s ex, and she said she wouldn’t hang out with her if it does, but it really doesn’t bother me at all. She’s a nice girl who just happened to date my high school boyfriend before he dated me and that was over 20 years ago. My ex actually married my cousin’s friend from high school, and my sister is in a fantasy football league with his wife and old mutual friends of my ex of which I’m also unbothered.

I still made some comfort jambalaya and ate it alone on my sister’s rooftop ruminating over all my life choices 😅

All that I know is I don’t know
How to be something you miss

Chel asked me if I watched The Summer I Turned Pretty, and I hadn’t. She knows I’m a sucker for a good soundtrack, and she sent me a clip with a nostalgic song that sent her back to a time before the life she has now. It made me want to watch the series, and I’ve been crying for the last few days 😅 There are a lot of songs from my youth on the soundtrack that came out before these kids were even born, but there’s also entirely too many Taylor Swift songs (I googled why because it was a ridiculous amount). It’s an otherwise heartbreaking coming-of-age story about falling in love for the first time and the grief that comes with it.

I have two sourdough starters that I feed daily – regular and gluten-free (for my seester). To differentiate between the two (the regular starter is fed with whole wheat flour while the gluten-free one is fed with brown rice flour), I’ve added pictures of the Property Brothers to the lids of the jars (since that’s who the starters are named after). Jonathan is regular and Drew is gluten-free, obvi 😆

Fun fact: I just googled, and Drew actually follows a gluten-free diet!

I have alarm reminders set up several times a day—one to wake up, one if concert tickets go on sale, four to take my meds throughout the day, and now one to feed my sourdough starter 😆

My mom says I would lose my vagina if it wasn’t attached. Nori and I once spent half an hour looking for my car after a Dodgers game because I couldn’t remember where I parked. I never remember where I park, even if I just run an errand at Target. I drop a pin now 😅 Whenever I’m at my sister’s house, I’m like, ‘Do you know where so-and-so is?’ and she always knows, down to the exact location. I’m like, ‘How do you always know where everything is?’ and she’s like, ‘Because I live here!’ I misplaced my Apple watch last week, and have just been walking around with a strip of white skin exposed on my wrist because I still haven’t found it. I can’t even use the Find My app on my Macbook or iPhone, because my watch is dead 😅 You guys, I live in a studio, so there’s not a lot of places it could be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(via @betches)

My sister checks most of the first type of girl’s boxes:

✅ white noise machine
✅ gua sha
✅ rolls her hair in a heatless curling rod
✅ laser light therapy mask + vaseline
✅ beautiful model-home bedroom
✅ evening (matcha) tea

I def check all of the second type of girl’s boxes 😅 #rottingcorpse

Is Marshall Lee, the cartoon gender-swapped human version of Marceline the Vampire Queen in Adventure Time (voiced by Donald Glover) fine as hell, or has it just been a long time since I’ve been with a man? (Don’t answer that).

Fun fact: My friend used to date an animator who was the lead character designer for Adventure Time, and he drew this necklace she used to wear all the time onto Marceline in one of the episodes.

Christine suggested I try making sourdough bread, and I never back down from a challenge.

(via @ournewyorkhomestead)

I just thought sourdough bread was something white girls started making during covid. Am I wrong??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m just waiting for the 233-year-old sourdough starter I bought from San Francisco to come in. You guys, I don’t half ass anything—I always use my whole ass 😜🍑

Nori and I play Wordle, Strands and Connections on the daily. In yesterday’s Connections, I was like, ‘All these characters are green: Shrek, Grinch, Hulk… El-PHAY-ba. El-FA-ba. How the fuck do you say her name?’ Nori was like, ‘It’s EL-pha-ba.’ I’ve never seen Wicked so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I remember being at the movies with a guy, and the credits were rolling at the end, and he was like, ‘Who the fuck was Zo?’ I was like, ‘Zo? It’s pronounced ‘Zo-ee.’ The main character?’ He had never seen ‘Zoe’ spelled before so didn’t know how to pronounce it. I remember thinking, ‘You stupid bitch 🤣’ and now look who’s a stupid bitch now 😅

I get my nails done off of PCH, so it’s always a nice drive to and from the salon. They had Kitchen Nightmares on as I was getting my nails done, and I was tearing up because Gordon Ramsay was yelling at this dad/owner of a Greek resto that needed help. I couldn’t even wipe the tear rolling down my cheek, because Cindy was doing my nails LOL. I watch a lot of food shows, but they’re all on The Food Network. I’m much too sensitive for these off-network shows! The family on TV was sad, too, that the dad was getting yelled at, and the girl getting her nails done next to me yelled, ‘If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen!’ I was thinking, ‘Is she yelling at me or the TV?’ 😅

Anyway, here is part of my drive home set to the saddest song ever 😭

Not sure if I’m sad because I’m watching Adolescence (Netflix’s #1 show right now about a 13yo boy accused of stabbing a girl to death), because they let go of 6 designers from my web team at work this week with zero notice and now the rest of us have to pick up the slack, or because I ran out of anti-depressants 😅 The pharmacy won’t have it for 3-5 business days, so do with that information what you will.

Nothing humbles you more than a 2000s themed 21st birthday party where everyone was born after you graduated high school. Pammie wore her *NSYNC shirt, and I was gonna wear my old New Found Glory or Hoobastank shirt from the early 2000s, but thought I’d further date myself with this Oregon Trail shirt.

It took me a while to get my life together in LA. I had to make sure I had everything I needed before Christmas because I’m planning on staying in SD till New Year’s. By the time I started heading down, it took me 4 hours to drive down to SD. I was too tired to go to the party, so I just doordashed some Taco Bell and fell asleep with half a chalupa next to my face 😆

Pammie said a lot of the guests were wearing Juicy Couture tracksuits, something I never wore, not even in the 2000s.  It did remind of a funny story when someone I knew wore Juicy Couture track pants out, and didn’t realize she had them on backwards, so the big ass ‘JUICY’ was emblazoned across her vageen instead of her butt 🤣

On Late Night with Conan O’Brien, he used to have a segment called ‘In the year 2000‘ where he and his guests would make predictions for the future (i.e. they predict that in the year 2000, the Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox will meet at the World Series… up in the bleachers where they’ll have a great view of the Yankees and Braves LOL). He continued to do this bit after the year 2000, and this was peak Conan.

Remember that show Are You Afraid of the Dark? on Nickelodeon in the 90s? My sister and I would always reference this one episode and say, ‘I’m cold’ just like this dead kid from the show. I was hanging out with Alicia maybe 10 or more years ago, and she said, ‘I’m cold’ just like the dead kid and my eyes got big like saucers. ‘Is that from Are You Afraid of the Dark?!’ I’d never met anyone before that got my reference. It was in that moment that I knew we’d be best friends for life LOL.

Anyway, last full moon of the year tonight and it’s called ‘Cold Moon’ 🥶

Do you stay up late at night googling if people eat Highland cows or are you normal?

(via @best_vacationrentals)

I found this Airbnb in Canada that has Highland cows on the property.

Nori’s been to Scotland, but she didn’t get to see any Highland cows (they’re from the Scottish Highlands) while she was there. I found some places in North America you can see these cute hairy cows, and then I went down the google rabbit hole wondering if they slaughter them here.

I love BBQ (smoked beef ribs are my favorite), and now I feel like I have to ask what kind of cow I’m eating at restaurants like in Portlandia 😅

As a rule, I don’t eat baby animals (lamb, veal or suckling anything)—just adult animals who have lived a full life LOL. And now I have to add Highland cows (at any age) to that list 😆

Lillian is a home chef based in San Diego, and she made my sister’s Harry Potter cake for her birthday a few years ago.

She’s on the new season of Food Network’s Halloween Baking Championship and today’s theme was Beetlejuice! It’s showtime! Let’s gooo 🖤💚

The news of Dave Grohl came out that he had a baby outside his marriage. It’s unfortunate for his wife and kids, but it doesn’t make me like the Foo Fighters’ music any less. I think The Strokes frontman, Julian Casablancas, is a total asshole (I’ve been to a couple of their shows where he proved it by walking off the stage early), but I still love The Strokes’ music and his side project band, The Voidz.

I’m not completely forgiving, though. I don’t listen to R. Kelly or Diddy’s music anymore 😅

Said I know that it’s somebody’s birthday tonight somewhere
And I know somebody’s gonna celebrate tonight somewhere

My birthdays haven’t been the same since R. Kelly was convicted of child sexual abuse in 2022 😅

me: When did we go to that Foo Fighters show in Phoenix? Last year?
Pammie: No, two years ago. We didn’t go to Innings Fest last year.
me: Why didn’t we go last year?
Pammie: Because you had a stroke!
me: Oh, yeah 😅

The weather’s cooling down a bit (anything under 70° is cold in California), so I got Pammie a SAD (seasonal affective disorder) lamp like in Broad City 😆

She keeps her house at a cool 68°, but she needs her sunshine for her mental health ☀️ I, on the other hand, am equally sad rain or shine 😅

If I could be who you wanted
All the time
And it wears me out
It wears me out

Slowly building back up my insane plant collection now that I’m back in LA 🌿

I feel personally attacked 😅

When I was 12, I was busy watching My So-Called Life, while other kids my age were watching soft shit like Sailor Moon. This show is the reason I love Jared Leto, men who wear flannel, and Violent Femmes 😆

💔

starsailor – Some of Us

My wandering soul
Found solace at last
I wanted to know
How long it would last

Blue Merle – Every Ship Must Sail Away

Oh, change is in the air
And you wear it oh so well
I asked you if you cared
If you care, I couldn’t tell

José González – Heartbeats

One night of magic rush
The start a simple touch
One night to push and scream
And then relief

Novo Amor – Faux

Shown
You swoon in your lace run
Brooding, a quilt tongue
Pining me

When I don’t have Food Network or ID on while I work, I’ve been watching old Bones episodes because they’re always showing it on BBC America and WeTV for some reason. They also have a channel called ‘ALF‘ that only shows old episodes of Alf 24/7 LOL. I used to watch Bones when it was on nearly two decades ago. I forgot how much I loved all the sad music 🖤

I’ll just be here from 9-10pm on Mondays for the next 2 months ✌🏼

Update: Logan Sandoval (winner of Barbecue Showdown, owner of ZEF BBQ in LA, and love of my life) is a contestant on this new season of BBQ Brawl, and my ass is wide awake now!

I’ll be at Petco Park at the Harry Potter Padres Theme Game that day, but I’ll be wearing my ‘Let Joey Eat’ shirt seeing how many bacon-wrapped hot dogs I can eat from Randy Jones Grill (is it still a contest if you’re the only one participating?) ✊🏻🌭

I was eating dinner, and my sister and her husband were watching House of the Dragon. I don’t watch it, so I was like, ‘Who’s that? Why’s everyone sad? What’s happening?’ and I was met with this look 😅

My toxic trait is that I talk and ask questions during TV shows/movies. I watched Game of Thrones when it first came out, but I stopped watching after they killed off Jason Momoa in the first season. I started watching it again from the 2nd season during the 7th season when I found out the 8th season was gonna be the final one. I was like, ‘How come no one talks about Rob Stark? He’s fine as hell!’ and Pammie was like, ‘Uhh…’ 😅 Spoiler alert: Rob Stark dies in season three.

Donna and her husband were vacationing on the coast, and she sent us a picture of the beach and was like, ‘David says this is where Dobby’s grave is!’ and I was like, ‘Dobby dies?!?!’ I’ve only watched the first four Harry Potter movies, so I didn’t know Dobby was murdered in the 7th movie. The last Harry Potter movie came out in 2011, so it’s my own damn fault for getting spoiled.

Me: Anyone else die in the movies?
Pammie: Sirius.
Me: What?! Wait, who’s Sirius again?
Pammie: Sirius Black. Harry Potter’s godfather.
Me: Ohhh. I confused him with Severus Snape.
Pammie: He dies, too.
Me: What?!

I’ve somehow avoided finding out the ending of Lost, even though the finale aired in 2010 😅

I have never had the desire to go to Florida before today 🙆🏻‍♀️🔪 (@ Cocktails & Screams)

Just Selena ‘sausage-maker’ Gomez living the dream at Moo’s Craft Barbecue in LA on today’s episode of Selena + Restaurant.

I usually have Food Network or ID on in the background while I’m working (it’s either Guy Fieri or Evil Lives Here, there is no in between). My sister uses the live streaming service, Fubo, and last week, they removed both channels (among others). You guys, IDK how productive I’m gonna be without Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives playing in the background ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: I signed up for Sling TV because I can’t live without Guy Fieri saying something is ‘out of bounds’. It came with a free month of Showtime, AMC+, Starz, MGM+ and Paramount+.

BRB I’m watching Past Lives on Showtime right now and crying.

Fun Fact: I’ve never seen a Star Wars movie, but I have seen The Mandalorian series, because Baby Yoda’s so dang cute.

We once did a collabo with Star Wars at work, and my boss had to explain to me what a Stormtrooper was, a Death Star, a Sith Lord…

I was gifted free tickets to Comic-Con one year. I knew I was out of place when I looked up at the big screen and thought aloud, ‘What movie is this?’ and some dude looked at me like I was crazy and said, ‘It’s Return of the Jedi!’ I’m pretty sure I was the only one within a 10-mile radius who hadn’t seen a single Star Wars movie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Undeniable chemistry and horrific timing. They love each other.

I’ll just be here for the next two weeks 💔

I’ve watched all of these TV shows/movies (Fleabag, La La Land, Normal People, and Past Lives) and can honestly say they’ve all made me ugly cry. The only one I didn’t love was La La Land, but this dream sequence was everything, though 💔

Congrats to Maneet Chauhan for winning Tournament of Champions for the second time! Her first belt was on display when we ate at her resto in Nashville, and now we have to go back there to see her second belt.

I have dreams about the chicken tandoori poutine I ate there 🤤

Trying to explain to Shi what ‘split’ sauce is reminded me of this scene from Schitt’s Creek 🤣 If we had a cooking show, I’m sure it’d be exactly like this!

I woke up with a tickle in my throat. I’ve literally only gotten one cold since the pandemic, and I’ve never gotten covid. I used to get sick all the time, but that was when I would go into the office every day, and I’d pick up everyone’s germs. I don’t know how I got sick, when I don’t go anywhere or see anyone. Maybe one of my doordashers was sick LOL. Anyway, it’s raining, so I’m just gonna stay in bed all day if you wanna come be the big spoon.

I hate exercising, but I’m competitive as fuck. I once won a Survivor pool without watching a single episode and almost won a March Madness pool at my work (I had the #1 bracket up until I lost the final game) even though the boys had to explain to me what a seed was 😆 I’ve also joined and won several biggest loser challenges (the only thing I lose is pounds!). Anyway, when Chel suggested we keep ourselves accountable by tracking each other’s daily steps using the Nike Run Club App, I was wary at first. My mom and sister already follow my blood glucose monitor readings (they granted themselves access while I was sick, I would never allow such an invasion of privacy otherwise), so they get notified if it’s too high and hassle me about what I’m eating. I’m just like, this ain’t social media. Stop following me! Let me eat this Crumbl cookie in peace 😅

We could never be friends if you don’t laugh at my jokes 😅

Three things you should know about me:

1. I nerd hard over the TV show The Rookie.
2. I throw a mean watch party.
3. I will use any excuse to make a charcuterie board.

The 100th episode of The Rookie airs tonight, and my charcuterie and I are ready. Here’s some snaps from my last watch party (The Rookie has a relatively small fanbase, but I promise there was at least one other person at this party LOL):

The cheese letters are extra, but so am I ✨

Chel is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and one of her sons was all like, “Please pray for all the hurt people on the plane.” And Chel was like, “What plane???” And he was like, “The plane we’re taking to Hawaii.” 😳 He’s always had a sixth sense about things. He sees his grandma all the time who used to live in that house and died long before he was born. This kid both amuses and terrifies me 😅

Sending all the positive energy their way for safe travels ✨

I had Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America on while I was working, and this was one of the contestant’s descriptions. I guess all the contestants are nepo babies, and this particular girl has an NFL dad turned restauranteur who spoils her. I can’t with these contestants 😂

I got a new phone today, because I shattered my screen last week when I was talking shit about Kylie Jenner 😅 I could’ve just replaced my screen like the last time I shattered it, but they’re on the iPhone 15 now and mine was a 10. I was due for a new phone LOL. Plus this new one has 1 TB of space, while my old one had 256 GB and the additional cloud space I pay extra monthly for has been full for 2 years 😅

S/O to the guy who helped me at Apple Otay Ranch and told me he liked my shirt. I was wearing my Original Berf shirt, and I love when people get the reference. I was like, “Thanks, it’s a collector’s item,” and he laughed and laughed and I left the store with a new phone and the biggest smile on my face.

Maybe more people will get the reference now that The Bear has swept the Emmy’s, Golden Globes and Critics’ Choice Awards.

She was, in fact, that girl. Stars—they’re just like us!

I used to watch Selena Gomez on Wizards of Waverly Place on the Disney Channel, and now I’m watching her cook with Chef Alex Guarneschelli on the Food Network. How fast they grow up 🥹

I usually have Food Network on in the background while I’m working, and I’ve never heard so many people mispronounce espresso (ex-pres-so), mascarpone (mars-car-pown), chipotle (chee-poll-tay) and jalapeño (ha-la-pee-no). I don’t expect a Green Bay fan white dude in the midwest to be able to roll their R’s and say birria, but how about you learn how to pronounce it first if you’re gonna make it on national television? I was plugging away at my catalog, and I was like, “If this guy says ‘beer-ya’ one more time…” 🤪

I sent Melissa O’Neil (my favorite actress from The Rookie) a birthday gift last July. I mailed it to the studio they film at (Paramount) right before SAG went on strike. They started filming again this week, and they held onto my package all these months and left it in her trailer! She posted this to her stories and called me TREASURE, y’all. I can die now.

You guys, Eric Winter‘s mom liked my post about Melissa 💀

I hardly ever post on my personal instagram account (one time, I went to do one of those “top 9 posts of the year,” but I couldn’t because I didn’t have 9 posts LOL). I post on my chenford account pretty often, though! Today, this video I edited to The Reason hit 10,000 likes, one of them being from HOOBASTANK! IDK if I’m more stoked Hoobastank liked my video or more embarrassed that they know (and now you know) I’m such a fan girl 😅

The actors strike is finally over! I manifested this moment with my Chenford prayer candle from my favorite TV show, The Rookie, so you’re welcome LOL (I also have one from Schitt’s Creek and Fleabag). Thank goodness our shows can start filming again.

With the exception of cooking competitions, I don’t watch reality TV. I can’t stand the Kardashians, I recorded The Bachelorette once when I was trying to catch a commercial and I must’ve said, “Is this real life???” a billion times during one episode, and whenever Nori tries to talk to me about Below Deck, I shut her down LOL.

It just all feels very scripted. No judgement if you enjoy reality TV. Just kidding (tons of judgement over here).

Where my seasonal depression lamp at? 😅

If you need me, I’ll be here ✌🏼

I was sitting in the In-N-Out drive-thru line with Pammie, and this particular line starts as two lines and funnels into one line to maximize space in the small parking lot. This car next to us tried to cut us off when it was our turn to funnel, and my sister was like, “Fucking bitch! She didn’t scissor!” I was like, “Scissor?! Do you mean ‘zipper’???” We couldn’t stop laughing 🤣

I sent this video to my work bestie, and she said I’m definitely Mitchell 🤣

Me every time the NFL commentators mention Taylor Swift during a Chiefs game 🙄

I’m already a monthly donor for ASPCA (to help animals in need. Also, the commercials and Sarah McLachlan got me. Plus I got a free t-shirt LOL).

Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

The Powerball jackpot is $1.7 billion tonight! May the odds be ever in your favor…

Happy 70th birthday to my pops! (@ Fogo de Chão)

I’ve never been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, but it was everything The Mindy Project promised it would be 🤣

Me after solving today’s wordle:

I love Filipino Kare Kare, and this restaurant makes it with BRISKET. I have to try it! BRB, looking up flights to Houston.

Googling “how to raise good cholesterol” because my doctor said my number should be higher, and the first suggestion is to exercise more 😅 I’m like, uhhh, can’t I just eat more fish??? 🤣

When my sister’s husband found out the Young the Giant show was rescheduled and I was going with Francis, he was like, “Christine must really trust you with her husband!” What can I say, I’m trustworthy as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But this is also me:

JK, Christine can rest! 🤣

Yvonne?! That’s a french ass name!

I’ve had Food Network on in the background as I’ve been working, and I always thought “star anise” was pronounced “star a-nees,” but I’ve heard both Chef Zakarian and Chef Symon call it “star a-nis” today, and I was like, “Why are they saying it like ‘anus’?” LOL. But I googled it and it is pronounced like anus 🤣

We used to sell these sabatier steak knives when I worked at Red Envelope, and I called them “saba-teer” for months until a customer pronounced it “suh-ba-tee-ay,” and I was like, “These knives are french?! How come no one told me???”

🤣🤣🤣

I used to watch Pee-wee’s Playhouse every Saturday morning when I was a kid, and I only know what the Alamo is because Pee-wee’s bike was hidden in the basement in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure LOL.

R.I.P. Paul Reubens 💔

The theme song for Evil Lives Here is easily the most perfect and creepiest intro music.

I love Michelle Buteau. She was the host of season 2 of Barbecue Showdown and she has a hilarious new show on Netflix, Survival of the Thickest. Before this, I’d seen her in a number of romcoms where she played the sidekick or a minor B character. I’m so glad she’s finally starring in her own show!

When my speech therapist suggested I read a book out loud to help with my voice (pretty much the only thing still noticeably affected by the strokes), I amazon primed Michelle Buteau’s book so fast.

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

…or me whenever my sister tells me I should go on a walk or do my Breather exercises that my speech therapist told me to do. Basically, I don’t like any kind of exercise LOL. She’s always like, “You should be grateful you can still move and talk!” especially after her coworker told her that her cousin who’s the same age as me had a stroke and died. Ok fine, I’ll go on a walk and do my breathing exercises… *grumbles*

…or Jay’s message to me today after finding out about my strokes 🤣 I can totally hear him saying that! Except he says “skrong” like Kanye in Roses and “bitch” (also like Kanye in Roses).

I saw Kanye perform his debut album at 4th and B back in 2004. I miss the old Kanye.

Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’ playlist.

Don’t mind me. Just re-watching old Ted Lasso episodes and loved this scene.

P.S. I’ve known Sade’s By Your Side was gonna be my wedding song ever since it came out in 2000 and I thought I’d be married by the time I turned 25 (I’m 41 now LOL).

The Ted Lasso series finale was so good! I’ve never been so invested in a fake sports show.

…or me telling everyone I know about Barbecue Showdown.

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Me: Waco? Oh, it’s the 30-year anniversary.
Pammie: What happened in Waco?
Me: What do you mean, ‘What happened in Waco?’ Waco’s only known for one thing!
Pammie: I only know Waco for the Magnolia Silos LOL.

Even if I didn’t love true crime, I’d still know what happened in Waco 🤣

P.S. If you weren’t alive for Waco in 1993, you are much too young for me LOL.

BRB crying.

God, I love this show. Thank goodness it was renewed! I’m still salty about The Company You Keep cancellation LOL.

These viagra commercials on ID are crazy LOL. I just wanted to watch some true crime.

My sweet friend surprised me with a Melissa O’Neil Cameo today (our favorite actress from The Rookie!). All of Melissa’s Cameo proceeds go to the Fresno Bully Rescue where she got her dog, Herc, who recently passed, so def get one from her if you can! Thank you, Heather! 💕

If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.

🖤🖤🖤

“CORNER!” – me to absolutely no one while making a sandwich after binge-watching The Bear.

Chunky Monkey is my spirit animal.

Lady Marion Donutton of Quiksilver

(I knew I’d come to regret postmating Randy’s Donuts today.)

If you’re not binging Bridgerton, then I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Make haste, y’all!

…or what I tell myself when I have to work on the weekend and they forget the organic goji berries on the $20 acai bowl I just postmated.

Shi thinks I’m attracted to anyone with a beard, and she ain’t wrong. Also, why is this the second convo I’ve had about 90 Day Fiancé today???

I blame my love of questionable meat and going commando. Or maybe it’s just my fun, approachable vibe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Which Tiger King personality are you???

This billboard looks like the first thing I created in photoshop circa 1996. Has anyone else reached the Tiger King segment of their quarantine yet???

…or me when my bff’s family was done going around the table saying what they were all thankful for, and her 6-year-old daughter says, “Now let’s say what we hate about each other.”

I find this kid equally amusing and terrifying.

Same.

Can I get a Clearly Canadian to wash down these tofu balls? (@ Button Mash)

Actual footage of me picking up my food order during the Game of Thrones finale.

After setting up my projector and ordering food, I got in my car and realized my battery was dead. I must’ve left the dome light on Friday night when I was looking for that mango hi-chew that fell into the abyss.

The food was already paid for, so I had to take a lyft there and back to get it. Luckily, both of my drivers were more concerned about the rain in LA than the GoT finale. I called AAA when I got home, and the dude took an hour and a half to get to my apartment. Once he jump started my car, he told me that I should keep it running for another half hour! I got back home around 10pm after driving aimlessly in the rain and finally queued up the episode.

As it turns out, I didn’t need to partake in a social media blackout to avoid spoilers that night, because my entire evening leading up to the finale was more exciting than the finale itself!

The lack of casualties during the Battle of Winterfell does not bode well for my Game of Thrones Dead Pool entry, guys.

(Fucking Arya, though!!!)

Friends is Shi’s most favorite TV show ever, and Shi is our favorite bachelorette!

Shi chow-crowned an impressive amount of gummy dicks. Marry this woman already!

Don’t have to tell us twice (@ The Tipsy Crow)

This mechanical bull has seen better days, and so has my liver (@ Double Deuce)

It was so much fun partying like I was 21 again, but I spent the entire day in bed afterwards paying for it!

(Same time next weekend?)

—

Friends-themed food and drink ideas:

• Penis cake – “Emma’s 1st birthday cake”
• Cheesecake – “Chandler’s stolen cheesecake”
• Chocolate chip cookies – “Phoebe’s grandma’s cookie recipe”
• Quiche – “Monica’s finger nail quiche”
• Trifle – “Rachel’s Thanksgiving trifle”
• Charcuterie board with jam and crackers – “Joey’s uncircumsized deli meat” / “Monica’s jam”
• Crab cakes – “Ross’ free crab cakes”
• Chicken wings – “Monica’s bubble bath chicken”
• Sandwiches – “Joey’s ride along sandwich”
• Pizza – “George Stephanopoulos’ pizza” or “Ross and Rachel’s breakup pizza”
• Flan – “Rachel’s birthday flan”
• Chocolate torte – “Joey’s date’s chocolate torte”
• Lasagna – “Monica’s mom’s back-up lasagna”
• Mini muffins – “Ross’ basket of mini muffins”
• Salad – “Monica’s perverted salad” or “Rachel’s side salad”
• Punch – “Monica’s tiki death punch”
• Mac & Cheese – “Chandler’s righteous mac & cheese”
• Turkey sandwiches – “Ross’ stolen thanksgiving leftover sandwich (the moist maker)”
• Chocolate – “Monica’s mockolate”
• Assorted candies – “Monica’s little pieces of heaven”
• Fajitas – “Ross’ fine fajitas”
• Cups and ice – “Phoebe’s cups and ice”

Vendors/Supplies:

• Friends Cake and Cookies – Wednesday Cake
• Friends Bunting Banner, Food Signage, Shirts – Shashime Designs
• Friends Bridal Sash – Etsy
  
• Purple Balloons – Party City
• Oh Shit Kit – Amazon
• Drink Pouches – Amazon
• Chow Crown – Amazon
• Penis Gummies – Amazon

I used to paint my grandma’s nails when she was sick, and I came across this episode of New Amsterdam on her death anniversary today.

BRB crying.

You guys, my glasses just fogged up in the Whole Foods parking lot.

Could it be any more humid???

BRB binging in bed ✌🏼

Sick days are for Scandal marathons.

Bumble bio update: Must hate smoked BBQ beef ribs.

I just binge watched two seasons of Casual, and I can’t believe this lady is only supposed to be five years older than me.

In her defense, I get carded all the time. Also, some dude coaching youth track at the park during lunch last week asked me if I was in high school! Sir, if you’re trying to get me to join your track team, I’m in my thirties. And more importantly, I don’t run.

I’m pretty sure the victim in this episode stole my CD binder circa 2001.

We were watching TV at my mom’s house over the holiday, and right after they showed this part, my aunt paused it, turned to me with a concerned look on her face, and was all like, “You know you can talk to me, right???” I meannnn.

#1 How dare you?
#2 This explains so much.

Further evidence that Mindy and I were separated at birth.

Preach!

I caught up on seven episodes of How to Get Away with Murder with Pammie over the weekend. I’m dying to know what happens next, but I never watch this show by myself because I get too scared. I can’t wait till I’m home for Thanksgiving to find out who shot Annalise, so someone please come over when the new episode airs this Thursday!

Spoiler Alert: There will be frozen salmon from Costco (it’s the only thing I keep stocked in my fridge because holiday weight) and me with no pants on.

…or me on a juice cleanse.

I’m doing it partly in preparation for all the BBQ and bad decisions I’ll be making in Austin next week, but mostly because I bet Anthony that I could lose twenty pounds by the time we went to ACL or I’d pay for his BBQ at Franklin. These last five pounds can’t be zumba’d off in a week, so I made a game-time decision to bring my juicer out of retirement yesterday.

I can’t wait to go on vacation! And also eat solid food again.

Mindy is back and still living my life, obviously.

I used to take Vicodin before getting a Brazilian (until I discovered the touch of an angel named Linda @ Viva Brazil – now @ The Wax Studio!).

I haven’t gone to the dentist in a year or two (or five). I used to buy groupons in lieu of dental insurance at my old job, and I had a habit of letting them expire before I could ever use them. I’ve had dental insurance for the past three years at my current job, and I don’t know what to tell ya. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Same.

…or my belated attempt at getting that summer bods ready for Cabo.

10 more days!!!

amindofmadness:

In the venn diagram of men I’ve been involved with, these two qualities never overlap! :p

…or me when I get an email asking how I’m doing.

I either respond with 27 pages or I don’t respond at all. There is no in-between.

Also, my mom got me hooked on Mistresses, and Joss is my spirit animal, obviously.

Highlight of my day: After lunch with my coworkers @ Pitfire, the cute cashier slipped me a free jumbo chocolate chip cookie on my way out.

I met up with my coworkers outside afterwards, thrust my cookie in the air and was all like, “FREE COOKIE, BITCHES!” Our excitement was short-lived, though. When we got back to my car, I had two parking tickets—one for an expired meter (my friend paid the wrong one) and another for not having a front license plate (I mean, if my car was meant to have one, it would have come with holes drilled in it).

I owe the City of Manhattan Beach $96 for that free cookie!

You guys, The Mindy Project is over and so is my life.

Prepare for my gif collection to suffer.

I apologize to anyone who’s had the misfortune of traveling with me!

Countdown to Cabo:

• Flight and hotel booked ✓
• Passport renewed ✓
• Summer bods (pending)

Add a box of girl scout cookies and you’ve got my plans for this weekend.

Anthony had me create my own profile on his Netflix account so that my chick flick recommendations wouldn’t get mixed in with his chick flick recommendations, obvi.

If only Amazon Prime had this feature so I could stop getting his beard oil recommendations for a healthier, kissable beard.

Accurate.

I usually enjoy being on my back, but this is getting ridic.

I’ve been living off muscle relaxers, pain killers and salon pas for the past three weeks. The cause is still unknown, but I’m pretty sure I went too hard at the Paul McCartney show! Ha.

I’ve been stressed out at work lately, and the doctor thinks I might be carrying the stress in my back. If only he could write me a doctor’s note forbidding me to work overtime. It’s the least he can do, since he won’t prescribe me more vicodin!

LA opened its first Dunkin Donuts today, so I’m halfway there, you guys!

I obviously went too hard this past weekend. Somebody soup me.

If anyone can convince me to join Tinder, it’s Djengus Roundstone.

I hope the D’s not silent…

Darien waiting for a birthday surprise or channeling his inner Pennsatucky? You decide.

Accurate.