mayanrocks.com » tv
Sausage.
Thursday, May 9, 2024

selena + moo's craft bbq

Just Selena ‘sausage-maker’ Gomez living the dream at Moo’s Craft Barbecue in LA on today’s episode of Selena + Restaurant.

Out of Bounds.
Sunday, May 5, 2024

fubo channels

I usually have Food Network or ID on in the background while I’m working (it’s either Guy Fieri or Evil Lives Here, there is no in between). My sister uses the live streaming service, Fubo, and last week, they removed both channels (among others). You guys, IDK how productive I’m gonna be without Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives playing in the background ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: I signed up for Sling TV because I can’t live without Guy Fieri saying something is ‘out of bounds’. It came with a free month of Showtime, AMC+, Starz, MGM+ and Paramount+.

past lives

BRB I’m watching Past Lives on Showtime right now and crying.

May the 4th Be With You.
Saturday, May 4, 2024

cute baby yoda gif

Fun Fact: I’ve never seen a Star Wars movie, but I have seen The Mandalorian series, because Baby Yoda’s so dang cute.

We once did a collabo with Star Wars at work, and my boss had to explain to me what a Stormtrooper was, a Death Star, a Sith Lord…

I was gifted free tickets to Comic-Con one year. I knew I was out of place when I looked up at the big screen and thought aloud, ‘What movie is this?’ and some dude looked at me like I was crazy and said, ‘It’s Return of the Jedi!’ I’m pretty sure I was the only one within a 10-mile radius who hadn’t seen a single Star Wars movie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Timing.
Thursday, May 2, 2024

bridgerton

Undeniable chemistry and horrific timing. They love each other.

I’ll just be here for the next two weeks 💔

Too Much.
Friday, April 26, 2024

too much

gilmore girls jess what is much gif

Loss.
Thursday, April 25, 2024

I’ve watched all of these TV shows/movies (Fleabag, La La Land, Normal People, and Past Lives) and can honestly say they’ve all made me ugly cry. The only one I didn’t love was La La Land, but this dream sequence was everything, though 💔

TOC.
Monday, April 8, 2024

toc

Congrats to Maneet Chauhan for winning Tournament of Champions for the second time! Her first belt was on display when we ate at her resto in Nashville, and now we have to go back there to see her second belt.

chauhan ale and masala housee

I have dreams about the chicken tandoori poutine I ate there 🤤

Split.
Wednesday, April 3, 2024

chat

Trying to explain to Shi what ‘split’ sauce is reminded me of this scene from Schitt’s Creek 🤣 If we had a cooking show, I’m sure it’d be exactly like this!

Sick.
Saturday, March 30, 2024

adventure time jake because i'm sick

I woke up with a tickle in my throat. I’ve literally only gotten one cold since the pandemic, and I’ve never gotten covid. I used to get sick all the time, but that was when I would go into the office every day, and I’d pick up everyone’s germs. I don’t know how I got sick, when I don’t go anywhere or see anyone. Maybe one of my doordashers was sick LOL. Anyway, it’s raining, so I’m just gonna stay in bed all day if you wanna come be the big spoon.

Steps.
Friday, March 1, 2024

the mindy project pedometer gif

I hate exercising, but I’m competitive as fuck. I once won a Survivor pool without watching a single episode and almost won a March Madness pool at my work (I had the #1 bracket up until I lost the final game) even though the boys had to explain to me what a seed was 😆 I’ve also joined and won several biggest loser challenges (the only thing I lose is pounds!). Anyway, when Chel suggested we keep ourselves accountable by tracking each other’s daily steps using the Nike Run Club App, I was wary at first. My mom and sister already follow my blood glucose monitor readings (they granted themselves access while I was sick, I would never allow such an invasion of privacy otherwise), so they get notified if it’s too high and hassle me about what I’m eating. I’m just like, this ain’t social media. Stop following me! Let me eat this Crumbl cookie in peace 😅

Jokes.
Wednesday, February 28, 2024
chat
chat
chat
chat

We could never be friends if you don’t laugh at my jokes 😅

Watch Party.
Tuesday, February 27, 2024

100 charcuterie

Three things you should know about me:

  1. I nerd hard over the TV show The Rookie.
  2. I throw a mean watch party.
  3. I will use any excuse to make a charcuterie board.

The 100th episode of The Rookie airs tonight, and my charcuterie and I are ready. Here’s some snaps from my last watch party (The Rookie has a relatively small fanbase, but I promise there was at least one other person at this party LOL):

the rookie premiere party

the rookie premiere party

the rookie premiere party

the rookie premiere party

The cheese letters are extra, but so am I ✨

Left Phalange.
Sunday, February 18, 2024

chat

Chel is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and one of her sons was all like, “Please pray for all the hurt people on the plane.” And Chel was like, “What plane???” And he was like, “The plane we’re taking to Hawaii.” 😳 He’s always had a sixth sense about things. He sees his grandma all the time who used to live in that house and died long before he was born. This kid both amuses and terrifies me 😅

friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif
friends plane phalange gif friends plane phalange gif

Sending all the positive energy their way for safe travels ✨

Stay-At-Home Daughter.
Friday, February 2, 2024

stay-at-home daughter

I had Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America on while I was working, and this was one of the contestant’s descriptions. I guess all the contestants are nepo babies, and this particular girl has an NFL dad turned restauranteur who spoils her. I can’t with these contestants 😂

Collector’s Item.
Friday, January 19, 2024

shattered iphone

I got a new phone today, because I shattered my screen last week when I was talking shit about Kylie Jenner 😅 I could’ve just replaced my screen like the last time I shattered it, but they’re on the iPhone 15 now and mine was a 10. I was due for a new phone LOL. Plus this new one has 1 TB of space, while my old one had 256 GB and the additional cloud space I pay extra monthly for has been full for 2 years 😅

S/O to the guy who helped me at Apple Otay Ranch and told me he liked my shirt. I was wearing my Original Berf shirt, and I love when people get the reference. I was like, “Thanks, it’s a collector’s item,” and he laughed and laughed and I left the store with a new phone and the biggest smile on my face.

Maybe more people will get the reference now that The Bear has swept the Emmy’s, Golden Globes and Critics’ Choice Awards.

Selena + Chef.
Thursday, November 30, 2023

selena gomez gravy boat gif

selena gomez gravy boat gif

She was, in fact, that girl. Stars—they’re just like us!

I used to watch Selena Gomez on Wizards of Waverly Place on the Disney Channel, and now I’m watching her cook with Chef Alex Guarneschelli on the Food Network. How fast they grow up 🥹

I usually have Food Network on in the background while I’m working, and I’ve never heard so many people mispronounce espresso (ex-pres-so), mascarpone (mars-car-pown), chipotle (chee-poll-tay) and jalapeño (ha-la-pee-no). I don’t expect a Green Bay fan white dude in the midwest to be able to roll their R’s and say birria, but how about you learn how to pronounce it first if you’re gonna make it on national television? I was plugging away at my catalog, and I was like, “If this guy says ‘beer-ya’ one more time…” 🤪

dwight screaming gif

Treasure.
Tuesday, November 28, 2023

melissa o'neil

I sent Melissa O’Neil (my favorite actress from The Rookie) a birthday gift last July. I mailed it to the studio they film at (Paramount) right before SAG went on strike. They started filming again this week, and they held onto my package all these months and left it in her trailer! She posted this to her stories and called me TREASURE, y’all. I can die now.

gwen winter

You guys, Eric Winter‘s mom liked my post about Melissa 💀

CHENFORD x THE REASON.
Sunday, November 19, 2023

hoobastank instagram like

I hardly ever post on my personal instagram account (one time, I went to do one of those “top 9 posts of the year,” but I couldn’t because I didn’t have 9 posts LOL). I post on my chenford account pretty often, though! Today, this video I edited to The Reason hit 10,000 likes, one of them being from HOOBASTANK! IDK if I’m more stoked Hoobastank liked my video or more embarrassed that they know (and now you know) I’m such a fan girl 😅

Reality.
Thursday, November 9, 2023

chenfor prayer candlee - the rookie

The actors strike is finally over! I manifested this moment with my Chenford prayer candle from my favorite TV show, The Rookie, so you’re welcome LOL (I also have one from Schitt’s Creek and Fleabag). Thank goodness our shows can start filming again.

With the exception of cooking competitions, I don’t watch reality TV. I can’t stand the Kardashians, I recorded The Bachelorette once when I was trying to catch a commercial and I must’ve said, “Is this real life???” a billion times during one episode, and whenever Nori tries to talk to me about Below Deck, I shut her down LOL.

It just all feels very scripted. No judgement if you enjoy reality TV. Just kidding (tons of judgement over here).

side eye judging you gif

Fall Back.
Monday, November 6, 2023

alt 98.7 fm daylight savings

Where my seasonal depression lamp at? 😅

broad city sad lamp gif

Food Network.
Wednesday, November 1, 2023

food network holiday shows

If you need me, I’ll be here ✌🏼

Zipper.
Sunday, October 29, 2023

fresh off the boat zipper gif

I was sitting in the In-N-Out drive-thru line with Pammie, and this particular line starts as two lines and funnels into one line to maximize space in the small parking lot. This car next to us tried to cut us off when it was our turn to funnel, and my sister was like, “Fucking bitch! She didn’t scissor!” I was like, “Scissor?! Do you mean ‘zipper’???” We couldn’t stop laughing 🤣

Energy.
Friday, October 27, 2023

I sent this video to my work bestie, and she said I’m definitely Mitchell 🤣

Red.
Sunday, October 22, 2023

Me every time the NFL commentators mention Taylor Swift during a Chiefs game 🙄

Donation.
Saturday, October 14, 2023

chat

I’m already a monthly donor for ASPCA (to help animals in need. Also, the commercials and Sarah McLachlan got me. Plus I got a free t-shirt LOL).

Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

Lottery.
Wednesday, October 11, 2023

The Powerball jackpot is $1.7 billion tonight! May the odds be ever in your favor…

Fogo.
Sunday, October 8, 2023

Happy 70th birthday to my pops! (@ Fogo de Chão)

I’ve never been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, but it was everything The Mindy Project promised it would be 🤣

Wordle.
Monday, September 25, 2023

wordle
Me after solving today’s wordle:

dawson's creek ugly cry gif

Be More Pacific.
Saturday, September 23, 2023

I love Filipino Kare Kare, and this restaurant makes it with BRISKET. I have to try it! BRB, looking up flights to Houston.

Serious.
Thursday, September 7, 2023
the mindy project - danny castellano is my trainer the mindy project - danny castellano is my trainer the mindy project - danny castellano is my trainer

Googling “how to raise good cholesterol” because my doctor said my number should be higher, and the first suggestion is to exercise more 😅 I’m like, uhhh, can’t I just eat more fish??? 🤣

Trust.
Wednesday, September 6, 2023
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif
the rookie chenford pawn shop gif the rookie chenford pawn shop gif

When my sister’s husband found out the Young the Giant show was rescheduled and I was going with Francis, he was like, “Christine must really trust you with her husband!” What can I say, I’m trustworthy as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But this is also me:

trust

JK, Christine can rest! 🤣

beyonce sleeping gif

French.
Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Yvonne?! That’s a french ass name!

I’ve had Food Network on in the background as I’ve been working, and I always thought “star anise” was pronounced “star a-nees,” but I’ve heard both Chef Zakarian and Chef Symon call it “star a-nis” today, and I was like, “Why are they saying it like ‘anus’?” LOL. But I googled it and it is pronounced like anus 🤣

We used to sell these sabatier steak knives when I worked at Red Envelope, and I called them “saba-teer” for months until a customer pronounced it “suh-ba-tee-ay,” and I was like, “These knives are french?! How come no one told me???”

🤣🤣🤣

Au Revoir, Pee-wee.
Monday, July 31, 2023

pee-wee herman - it's not for sale francis

I used to watch Pee-wee’s Playhouse every Saturday morning when I was a kid, and I only know what the Alamo is because Pee-wee’s bike was hidden in the basement in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure LOL.

R.I.P. Paul Reubens 💔

Evil Lives Here.
Wednesday, July 26, 2023

The theme song for Evil Lives Here is easily the most perfect and creepiest intro music.

Survival of the Thickest.
Monday, July 17, 2023

survival of the thickest

I love Michelle Buteau. She was the host of season 2 of Barbecue Showdown and she has a hilarious new show on Netflix, Survival of the Thickest. Before this, I’d seen her in a number of romcoms where she played the sidekick or a minor B character. I’m so glad she’s finally starring in her own show!

When my speech therapist suggested I read a book out loud to help with my voice (pretty much the only thing still noticeably affected by the strokes), I amazon primed Michelle Buteau’s book so fast.

Hot Dog Summer.
Tuesday, July 4, 2023

nathan's hot dog eating contest

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

Exercise.
Saturday, July 1, 2023

kim richards - but i don't want to gif - real housewives of beverly hills

…or me whenever my sister tells me I should go on a walk or do my Breather exercises that my speech therapist told me to do. Basically, I don’t like any kind of exercise LOL. She’s always like, “You should be grateful you can still move and talk!” especially after her coworker told her that her cousin who’s the same age as me had a stroke and died. Ok fine, I’ll go on a walk and do my breathing exercises… *grumbles*

Stay Strong, Bitch.
Tuesday, June 20, 2023

stay strong bitch gif

…or Jay’s message to me today after finding out about my strokes 🤣 I can totally hear him saying that! Except he says “skrong” like Kanye in Roses and “bitch” (also like Kanye in Roses).

I saw Kanye perform his debut album at 4th and B back in 2004. I miss the old Kanye.

By Your Side.
Monday, June 5, 2023

Hey, Siri. Play the ‘Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley’ playlist.

Don’t mind me. Just re-watching old Ted Lasso episodes and loved this scene.

P.S. I’ve known Sade’s By Your Side was gonna be my wedding song ever since it came out in 2000 and I thought I’d be married by the time I turned 25 (I’m 41 now LOL).

So Long, Farewell.
Monday, June 5, 2023
ted lasso finale gif
ted lasso finale gif
ted lasso finale gif

The Ted Lasso series finale was so good! I’ve never been so invested in a fake sports show.

BBQ Showdown.
Sunday, June 4, 2023

barbecue showdown

…or me telling everyone I know about Barbecue Showdown.

Daddy.
Wednesday, May 31, 2023

logan sandoval - barbecue showdown

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

El Barbecue.
Friday, May 26, 2023

el barbecue

el barbecue

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

Barbecue Showdown.
Friday, May 26, 2023

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Waco.
Tuesday, May 23, 2023

waco american apocalypse netflix

Me: Waco? Oh, it’s the 30-year anniversary.
Pammie: What happened in Waco?
Me: What do you mean, ‘What happened in Waco?’ Waco’s only known for one thing!
Pammie: I only know Waco for the Magnolia Silos LOL.

Even if I didn’t love true crime, I’d still know what happened in Waco 🤣

P.S. If you weren’t alive for Waco in 1993, you are much too young for me LOL.

Not Dead Yet.
Thursday, May 18, 2023
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif
not dead yet  gif not dead yet  gif

BRB crying.

God, I love this show. Thank goodness it was renewed! I’m still salty about The Company You Keep cancellation LOL.

Text HARD to 69069.
Saturday, April 8, 2023

text hard to 69069

These viagra commercials on ID are crazy LOL. I just wanted to watch some true crime.

Cameo.
Wednesday, April 5, 2023

melissa oneil cameo

My sweet friend surprised me with a Melissa O’Neil Cameo today (our favorite actress from The Rookie!). All of Melissa’s Cameo proceeds go to the Fresno Bully Rescue where she got her dog, Herc, who recently passed, so def get one from her if you can! Thank you, Heather! 💕

Wednesday.
Monday, November 28, 2022

wednesday netflix

If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.

Wednesday.
Wednesday, August 17, 2022

🖤🖤🖤

The Bear.
Thursday, July 7, 2022

the bear fuck you

“CORNER!” – me to absolutely no one while making a sandwich after binge-watching The Bear.

Puppy Bowl.
Sunday, February 7, 2021

Chunky Monkey is my spirit animal.

Lady Donutton.
Friday, January 22, 2021

bridgerton name meme

Lady Marion Donutton of Quiksilver

(I knew I’d come to regret postmating Randy’s Donuts today.)

Bridgerton.
Thursday, January 21, 2021
bridgerton - siena and anthony - art of the swoon gif
bridgerton - siena and anthony - art of the swoon gif
bridgerton - siena and anthony - art of the swoon gif

If you’re not binging Bridgerton, then I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. Make haste, y’all!

First World Problems.
Sunday, November 15, 2020

there are people dying kim kardashian gif

…or what I tell myself when I have to work on the weekend and they forget the organic goji berries on the $20 acai bowl I just postmated.

Steez.
Wednesday, May 20, 2020

90 day fiance

Shi thinks I’m attracted to anyone with a beard, and she ain’t wrong. Also, why is this the second convo I’ve had about 90 Day Fiancé today???

Quiz.
Thursday, April 2, 2020

tiger king quiz

I blame my love of questionable meat and going commando. Or maybe it’s just my fun, approachable vibe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Which Tiger King personality are you???

Tiger King.
Friday, March 27, 2020

tiger king netflix

This billboard looks like the first thing I created in photoshop circa 1996. Has anyone else reached the Tiger King segment of their quarantine yet???

Give Thanks.
Saturday, November 30, 2019

happy endings - secrets and limos - please don't do me - penny gif

…or me when my bff’s family was done going around the table saying what they were all thankful for, and her 6-year-old daughter says, “Now let’s say what we hate about each other.”

I find this kid equally amusing and terrifying.

El Camino.
Friday, October 11, 2019

Same.

’90s Nostalgia.
Saturday, September 14, 2019

button mash - saved by the bell - check

button mash - ninja turtles - arcade

button mash - tofu balls

Can I get a Clearly Canadian to wash down these tofu balls? (@ Button Mash)

Spoiler Alert.
Monday, May 20, 2019
how i met your mother - monday night football - superbowl - sensory deprivation 5000 gif

Actual footage of me picking up my food order during the Game of Thrones finale.

After setting up my projector and ordering food, I got in my car and realized my battery was dead. I must’ve left the dome light on Friday night when I was looking for that mango hi-chew that fell into the abyss.

The food was already paid for, so I had to take a lyft there and back to get it. Luckily, both of my drivers were more concerned about the rain in LA than the GoT finale. I called AAA when I got home, and the dude took an hour and a half to get to my apartment. Once he jump started my car, he told me that I should keep it running for another half hour! I got back home around 10pm after driving aimlessly in the rain and finally queued up the episode.

As it turns out, I didn’t need to partake in a social media blackout to avoid spoilers that night, because my entire evening leading up to the finale was more exciting than the finale itself!

The Long Night.
Monday, April 29, 2019

The lack of casualties during the Battle of Winterfell does not bode well for my Game of Thrones Dead Pool entry, guys.

(Fucking Arya, though!!!)

Winter is here.
Sunday, April 14, 2019

game of thrones premiere

The One Where Shirley Gets Married.
Sunday, January 27, 2019

friends themed bachelorette party

Friends is Shi’s most favorite TV show ever, and Shi is our favorite bachelorette!

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

friends tv themed bachelorette bridal shower birthday party

bachelorette

adult capri suns

bachelorette

Shi chow-crowned an impressive amount of gummy dicks. Marry this woman already!

let's misbehave - tipsy crow

Don’t have to tell us twice (@ The Tipsy Crow)

bachelorette

This mechanical bull has seen better days, and so has my liver (@ Double Deuce)

It was so much fun partying like I was 21 again, but I spent the entire day in bed afterwards paying for it!

(Same time next weekend?)

Friends-themed food and drink ideas:

  • Penis cake – “Emma’s 1st birthday cake”
  • Cheesecake – “Chandler’s stolen cheesecake”
  • Chocolate chip cookies – “Phoebe’s grandma’s cookie recipe”
  • Quiche – “Monica’s finger nail quiche”
  • Trifle – “Rachel’s Thanksgiving trifle”
  • Charcuterie board with jam and crackers – “Joey’s uncircumsized deli meat” / “Monica’s jam”
  • Crab cakes – “Ross’ free crab cakes”
  • Chicken wings – “Monica’s bubble bath chicken”
  • Sandwiches – “Joey’s ride along sandwich”
  • Pizza – “George Stephanopoulos’ pizza” or “Ross and Rachel’s breakup pizza”
  • Flan – “Rachel’s birthday flan”
  • Chocolate torte – “Joey’s date’s chocolate torte”
  • Lasagna – “Monica’s mom’s back-up lasagna”
  • Mini muffins – “Ross’ basket of mini muffins”
  • Salad – “Monica’s perverted salad” or “Rachel’s side salad”
  • Punch – “Monica’s tiki death punch”
  • Mac & Cheese – “Chandler’s righteous mac & cheese”
  • Turkey sandwiches – “Ross’ stolen thanksgiving leftover sandwich (the moist maker)”
  • Chocolate – “Monica’s mockolate”
  • Assorted candies – “Monica’s little pieces of heaven”
  • Fajitas – “Ross’ fine fajitas”
  • Cups and ice – “Phoebe’s cups and ice”

Vendors/Supplies:

New Amsterdam.
Tuesday, October 2, 2018
new amsterdam - dr. helen sharpe - millie cancer - painting nails gif
new amsterdam - dr. helen sharpe - millie cancer - painting nails gif

I used to paint my grandma’s nails when she was sick, and I came across this episode of New Amsterdam on her death anniversary today.

BRB crying.

Currently.
Monday, August 6, 2018

friends chandler steam room gif

You guys, my glasses just fogged up in the Whole Foods parking lot.

Could it be any more humid???

Sick Day.
Tuesday, May 29, 2018

13 reasons why - season 2 - the little girl - clay break up
13 reasons why - season 2 - the little girl - clay break up

BRB binging in bed ✌🏼

Sick Day.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018

scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif
scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif
scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif scandal - you got served - olivia speech gif

Sick days are for Scandal marathons.

Opposites Attract.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017

how i met your mother - the olive theory gif

new girl - the hike - raisins - the olive theory gif new girl - the hike - raisins - the olive theory gif

Bumble bio update: Must hate smoked BBQ beef ribs.

Casual.
Sunday, July 31, 2016

hulu - casual - magpie gif hulu - casual - magpie gif
hulu - casual - magpie gif hulu - casual - magpie gif

I just binge watched two seasons of Casual, and I can’t believe this lady is only supposed to be five years older than me.

In her defense, I get carded all the time. Also, some dude coaching youth track at the park during lunch last week asked me if I was in high school! Sir, if you’re trying to get me to join your track team, I’m in my thirties. And more importantly, I don’t run.

Hybrid Theory.
Monday, June 20, 2016

bones - the movie in the making - linkin park papa roach hoobastank gif

I’m pretty sure the victim in this episode stole my CD binder circa 2001.

Clutter.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015

criminal minds - till death do us part - clutter or the constant presence of a messy room is often a sign of depression

We were watching TV at my mom’s house over the holiday, and right after they showed this part, my aunt paused it, turned to me with a concerned look on her face, and was all like, “You know you can talk to me, right???” I meannnn.

#1 How dare you?
#2 This explains so much.

#previewpopcorn.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015

the mindy project #previewpopcorn

Further evidence that Mindy and I were separated at birth.

Spoiler Alert.
Monday, November 9, 2015

how to get away with murder - eve rothlow - you still have me and i hate it gif how to get away with murder - eve rothlow - you still have me and i hate it gif

Preach!

I caught up on seven episodes of How to Get Away with Murder with Pammie over the weekend. I’m dying to know what happens next, but I never watch this show by myself because I get too scared. I can’t wait till I’m home for Thanksgiving to find out who shot Annalise, so someone please come over when the new episode airs this Thursday!

Spoiler Alert: There will be frozen salmon from Costco (it’s the only thing I keep stocked in my fridge because holiday weight) and me with no pants on.

Bet.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015

the office kelly kapoor juice cleanse

…or me on a juice cleanse.

I’m doing it partly in preparation for all the BBQ and bad decisions I’ll be making in Austin next week, but mostly because I bet Anthony that I could lose twenty pounds by the time we went to ACL or I’d pay for his BBQ at Franklin. These last five pounds can’t be zumba’d off in a week, so I made a game-time decision to bring my juicer out of retirement yesterday.

I can’t wait to go on vacation! And also eat solid food again.

Scared.
Friday, September 25, 2015

the mindy project - scared gif the mindy project - scared gif
the mindy project - scared gif the mindy project - scared gif

Mindy is back and still living my life, obviously.

I used to take Vicodin before getting a Brazilian (until I discovered the touch of an angel named Linda @ Viva Brazil – now @ The Wax Studio!).

I haven’t gone to the dentist in a year or two (or five). I used to buy groupons in lieu of dental insurance at my old job, and I had a habit of letting them expire before I could ever use them. I’ve had dental insurance for the past three years at my current job, and I don’t know what to tell ya. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Penn.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015

orange is the new black - pennsatucky - i don't have rage. i'm just sad.

Same.

The Instagram Diet.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015

amy schumer janeane garofalo the instagram diet amy schumer janeane garofalo the instagram diet
amy schumer janeane garofalo the instagram diet amy schumer janeane garofalo the instagram diet

…or my belated attempt at getting that summer bods ready for Cabo.

10 more days!!!

Venn Diagram.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015

amindofmadness:

Life is too short for shitty sex and bad relationships. So go find someone who fucks you right and treats you how you deserve to be treated.

In the venn diagram of men I’ve been involved with, these two qualities never overlap! :p

modern family gays vs lesbians venn diagram schooled

Fact.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015

mistresses - emails don't paginate gif
mistresses - emails don't paginate gif

…or me when I get an email asking how I’m doing.

I either respond with 27 pages or I don’t respond at all. There is no in-between.

Also, my mom got me hooked on Mistresses, and Joss is my spirit animal, obviously.

High & Low.
Thursday, June 11, 2015

Highlight of my day: After lunch with my coworkers @ Pitfire, the cute cashier slipped me a free jumbo chocolate chip cookie on my way out.

dancing cookie gif

I met up with my coworkers outside afterwards, thrust my cookie in the air and was all like, “FREE COOKIE, BITCHES!” Our excitement was short-lived, though. When we got back to my car, I had two parking tickets—one for an expired meter (my friend paid the wrong one) and another for not having a front license plate (I mean, if my car was meant to have one, it would have come with holes drilled in it).

I owe the City of Manhattan Beach $96 for that free cookie!

adventure time princess cookie

Canceled.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015

You guys, The Mindy Project is over and so is my life.

Prepare for my gif collection to suffer.

Countdown to Cabo.
Monday, April 20, 2015
the mindy project - carry on - plane gif
the mindy project - carry on - plane gif
the mindy project - carry on - plane gif

I apologize to anyone who’s had the misfortune of traveling with me!

Countdown to Cabo:

  • Flight and hotel booked ✓
  • Passport renewed ✓
  • Summer bods (pending)
Currently.
Saturday, February 14, 2015

ron swanson - there has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food - parks and rec gif

Netflix.
Thursday, February 12, 2015

netflix profile

Add a box of girl scout cookies and you’ve got my plans for this weekend.

Anthony had me create my own profile on his Netflix account so that my chick flick recommendations wouldn’t get mixed in with his chick flick recommendations, obvi.

If only Amazon Prime had this feature so I could stop getting his beard oil recommendations for a healthier, kissable beard.

1,000,000,000/1,000,000.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015

the mindy project - blood pressure gif the mindy project - blood pressure gif
the mindy project - blood pressure gif the mindy project - blood pressure gif
the mindy project - blood pressure gif the mindy project - blood pressure gif

Accurate.

Character Flaw.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015

girls one massive character flaw ray marnie gif
girls one massive character flaw ray marnie gif
Death is Coming.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014

modern family - oh god it's cancer - death is coming gif modern family - oh god it's cancer - death is coming gif

I usually enjoy being on my back, but this is getting ridic.

I’ve been living off muscle relaxers, pain killers and salon pas for the past three weeks. The cause is still unknown, but I’m pretty sure I went too hard at the Paul McCartney show! Ha.

I’ve been stressed out at work lately, and the doctor thinks I might be carrying the stress in my back. If only he could write me a doctor’s note forbidding me to work overtime. It’s the least he can do, since he won’t prescribe me more vicodin!

The Point.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014

new girl - dice - the whole point of going on dates is to fall in love and have a relationship
new girl - dice - the point of dating is just to keep on dating and then never stop. it's like burning fossil fuels. or seeing a therapist.
Baby Got Back.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014

new girl - the last wedding - do guys still like an oakland face with an la booty gif
new girl - the last wedding - do guys still like an oakland face with an la booty gif
Needs.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014

real housewives of new jersey - a woman only needs two things: dunkin donuts and oral sex

LA opened its first Dunkin Donuts today, so I’m halfway there, you guys!

Currently.
Thursday, August 28, 2014

adventure time jake because i'm sick

I obviously went too hard this past weekend. Somebody soup me.

Brown Lightning.
Thursday, July 17, 2014

If anyone can convince me to join Tinder, it’s Djengus Roundstone.

I hope the D’s not silent…

Praise.
Monday, July 7, 2014

baby pennsatucky jesus

Darien waiting for a birthday surprise or channeling his inner Pennsatucky? You decide.

Game of Thrones Warrior Name.
Saturday, July 5, 2014

game of thrones name generator

Accurate.

Summer.
Saturday, June 21, 2014

what is going on? is it some kind of solstice? - marnie, girls hbo

Apartment Hunters.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014

broad city - apartment hunters - where's the bathroom? where isn't the bathroom?

The power went out in my apartment building again last week! I was already running late, and I had to go back upstairs in the dark to tell the maintenance guy to manually open the garage gate so I could get to fucking work already. This has happened three times in less than two months! And these are only the incidents that I know of, because I spend less than 50% of my time in this apartment (unless a burglar is reading this, in which case I’m home all the time. Plus I always keep my sharpest pair of fabric scissors within reach. And I’m not afraid to cut you.)

Once I get my new car situation settled, I’m moving out of this overpriced shit hole and torching it on yelp!

Binge.
Sunday, June 8, 2014

orange is the new black - you can’t blame the wolf. lamb’s delicious. that’s smart eating. gif

I may or may not have binge-watched the entire new season of Orange is the New Black this past weekend.

Don’t You Dare.
Thursday, May 22, 2014

new girl - don't tell me i wore my raw denim for nothing. don't you dare tell me that! dance gif

…or when your plans get canceled because the power went out in your apartment building, and your car is stuck in the sub garage. Again.

Currently.
Thursday, May 15, 2014

american horror story - bitchcraft - it's too hot. my frickin' vagina's sweating - madison

Rack City.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014

victorious dirty boob joke victorious dirty boob joke

Same.

When your coworker doesn’t even recognize you…
Wednesday, May 7, 2014

new girl - nick miller gif - i mean i'm not doing squats or anything. i'm just trying to eat less donuts.

Monday.
Monday, May 5, 2014

kim richards - but i don't want to gif - real housewives of beverly hills

Death’s Embrace.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014

the mindy project - mindy mixer - kitchen oven fire

Danny, you know my plan in an emergency is just to count to ten and wait for death’s embrace.

Further evidence that The Mindy Project is actually about my life!

Sunday Morning.
Sunday, April 27, 2014

sunday morning macarons tea adventure time ipad

Macarons, tea and my beansss!

Say Adventure.
Friday, April 4, 2014

adventure time -  say adventure - gallery 1988

OH MY GLOB <3 (@ Gallery 1988)

Tuesday.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014

broad city - the commute - tuesday - tgif broad city - the commute - tuesday - tgif
broad city - the commute - tuesday - tgif broad city - the commute - tuesday - tgif

Accurate.

Unsolicited facts about me.
Saturday, March 15, 2014

modern family - a kiss on the neck opens all kinds of doors

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