Partly because I ate my weight in pizza yesterday, but mostly because I saw this brûléed brie on instagram, I made this low-carb platter with apples and Ella’s Flats.

Eating the seed crackers alone felt like I was eating straight up bird food, but the brûléed brie and apples were *chef’s kiss*

Justin Gaspar from Hommage Bakehouse (who won Hulu’s Baker’s Dozen) made pizzas during the party and they were so good. He liked my Boo Berry Krispie Treats and his wife was the first person ever to compliment me on my Original Berf shirt, too, so they’re good people 😆

We came for the pizza, but stayed for the gender reveal!

It has been a hard IVF journey for my dear friend after battling breast cancer, and Jessie surprised all of us by telling us that the surrogacy’s pregnancy took and baby boy Cuevas is coming March 2024!

We are simply overjoyed 🥹

I love Filipino Kare Kare, and this restaurant makes it with BRISKET. I have to try it! BRB, looking up flights to Houston.

Contrary to popular belief, I call Jessie “BB” because she’s loved Boo Berry cereal since we were kids. She and Abe have a legit pizza oven in their backyard and are having a long overdue pizza party tomorrow, so I made these Boo Berry Krispie Treats to bring.

Before the incident, my sister’s husband said I used to eat like I was high all the time. Pop Tarts, Lunchables, Takis, Cup-O-Noodles… Pretty much anything you can doordash after 10pm or buy at the gas station LOL. I used to eat dinner really late and fast food is the only option available at that time. Plus I just genuinely liked processed food and had access to free soda and vending machines at work. I haven’t gone into the office in over three years, I don’t drink soda anymore, and I eat dinner at 6pm now 👵🏼

I found these plant-based ramen noodles that don’t exceed my sodium intake for the day. Apolo Ohno is an investor, if that helps sway you at all. I added some chili garlic crisp, green onions, tofu, crushed red pepper and an egg to jazz it up.

I don’t even know who I am anymore eating plant-based food, having dinner before the sun goes down, and saying shit like, “jazz it up” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My friend asked if I was going vegan with all this plant-based bullshit, but I’m just trying to find healthier alternatives and cut back on the salt. I could never give up BBQ. Gotta risk it for the brisket!

I love Flamin’ Hot anything. I used to eat a bag of hot fries from the gas station every time I’d drive from LA to SD. I tried these Flaming Hot Keto Puffs and they were a good alternative! Def reminded me of a time in my life I now refer to as BS (before stroke) 😅 I miss eating whatever I want!

Every time I eat “healthy” chips, I think of this scene from The Sweetest Thing 🤣

I usually have half a Dave’s Killer Bread Cinnamon Raisin Remix Bagel in the morning with my sugar-free cold brew and unsweetened almond milk (boring!). That’s how my sister’s husband knows I’m awake—he can smell my bagel toasting (sometimes at 8:30, sometimes at 9:30… but if my boss is reading this, always before my shift starts at 9am).

Two of my favorite things combined: banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery (I’ve had it in LA, but they’re famous in NYC) and Ess-a-Bagel (we tried it on our last trip to NYC and loved it). When I saw that two iconic NYC eateries had a collabo, I knew I had to get it, and ordering from Goldbelly was cheaper than flying to New York 😅

I’ve never eaten a plain bagel before (they’re just dyed yellow), but anything slathered with banana pudding schmear and nilla wafers will taste good! It was perfect 👌🏼 (I ate plant-based spam yesterday. I think I can afford some carbs and sugar.)

If you think it’s too sweet and dessert-y to be a bagel, you’re wrong and IDK how we’re friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, I can’t say “schmear” without thinking of this scene from Miss Congeniality 🤣

I haven’t had spamsilog (spam with rice and eggs for you non-Filipinos) since before the incident. It’s too processed, has too much fat, too much sodium and too many calories. I saw this video of this plant-based spam, so I had to try it. I ate it with rice (I’m eating plant-based spam, you want me to give up carbs, too?) an egg (to increase my good cholestorol levels) and a side of Datu Puti vinegar (because I’m Filipino as fuck).

I don’t usually like vegan food that’s pretending to be meat (I’d rather just eat vegetables), but I do have the occasional Impossible burger when my friend is observing Lent. But this was a great alternative for people who love spam!

I followed this recipe, except I omitted the kale (I don’t like raw kale) and sesame seeds (who the fuck has sesame seeds in their pantry??? It made me think of this video even though I totally have molasses LOL), added some crumbled turkey bacon, croutons, red onion, toasted quinoa and grape tomatoes, and used store-bought blue cheese dressing because it’s what I had on hand (and ain’t nobody got time to make their own dressing!). Okay so I didn’t really follow her recipe, just prepare any salad like you normally would and wrap it in a tortilla. I used to order a salad wrap at the cafe at work when I’d go in, and this reminded me so much of it. Sooo good!

I made the TikTok Feta Fried Egg Taco for lunch and it was sooo good. Before you come at me, I used a Carb Balance Tortilla 🙄

Lunch with my favorite Mexicans (@ Lolita’s)

I haven’t seen Alicia since before the incident, but she sent me flowers in the hospital and checks in regularly 💕

She finally used the Disney gift card I gave her for her 40th birthday and stayed at the Grand Californian! She brought me back a Dole Whip Candle. Smells so good. Love me some dole whip. And I love that all the gifts she brings me are food-related LOL I have a Mickey Mouse soft pretzel magnet from her on my fridge in LA from that one time I was supposed to meet her at California Adventure, but got into an accident on the way there and totaled my car 😅 I kept all my important documents stuck to the fridge under that magnet, even my car registration renewal that I forgot about and got pulled over in DTLA the first day it expired 😅

Jessie was like, “They drove down from Murrietta, and you guys just went to Lolita’s?” (I go to Lolita’s maybe once a week LOL). She wanted Hans & Harry’s afterward, so that’s why we picked Lolita’s in Bonita. You can’t go to SD without getting good Mexican food and having a fruit strudel from Hans & Harry’s!

Nori was telling me how much she loved Bakar’s Hell N Back song, and I told her I first heard it in an NFL Shop commercial and used it in my IG story when I made Jon and Vinny’s Spicy Fusilli alla Vodka pasta when we were stuck at home during covid.

I haven’t had pasta since the day before the incident when Nori and I had lunch at Olive Garden! We both haven’t eaten there since. It’s like how we avoid eating at Ocean Diner, because every time we would go there for lunch, someone would get fired at work LOL.

Since I had some bloodwork done this morning, I thought today would be a good day to make that pasta again. I had to instacart some vodka because they don’t drink around here, and you can’t make vodka sauce without any vodka. I only needed two tablespoons, so now I have a handle of vodka to celebrate with when I get my bloodwork results back.

I forgot to get tomato paste, so I had to instacart a second order. Since my sister’s elevator is still broken, I took the stairs all the way down to the bottom when I got the delivery notification and was like where the fuck is my order??? I went back upstairs and chatted with the idiot driver who delivered it to the wrong house and put it in their garage! Then, while I was on my laptop chatting with instacart’s customer service to get a refund, I forgot about my garlic bread in the oven and burned it. I was so frazzled. I use instacart so I don’t have to inconvenience anyone, and my sister ended up having to drive me to the grocery store for tomato paste and more garlic bread. Maybe I’ll drink that vodka now LOL I’m all riled up!

I finally made dinner and Pammie and her husband loved it. It was just as good as I remember. I guess it was worth all that trouble 😅

Update 9/1: I got my bloodwork results back, and my A1C went up 1/10 of a point and my white blood cell count is elevated which my doctor said she’ll talk to me about during our appointment next week. I think I’ll drink that vodka now 😓

Yvonne?! That’s a french ass name!

I’ve had Food Network on in the background as I’ve been working, and I always thought “star anise” was pronounced “star a-nees,” but I’ve heard both Chef Zakarian and Chef Symon call it “star a-nis” today, and I was like, “Why are they saying it like ‘anus’?” LOL. But I googled it and it is pronounced like anus 🤣

We used to sell these sabatier steak knives when I worked at Red Envelope, and I called them “saba-teer” for months until a customer pronounced it “suh-ba-tee-ay,” and I was like, “These knives are french?! How come no one told me???”

🤣🤣🤣

I went to Vegas partly because I needed a change of scenery, but mostly because I had to try August’s cronut flavor of the month (@ Dominique Ansel Las Vegas)

Parking at Caesars was $25, so this donut cost over $30, but it was worth it 😋

Nori and I used to frequent Mendocino Farms for lunch, but parking was always a nightmare at The Point, and we haven’t gone back since there was a romaine shortage and they substituted shredded lettuce in our Modern Caesar 2.0 salads. We’re petty like that 😂

What I miss most about Mendo is the Superfood Krunchies they top all their salads with. I recently found these Cereausly Crispies on Amazon (ain’t nobody got time to toast their own quinoa!), so I had to get some and make myself a salad.

I accidentally forgot to update my address on instacart, and all my salad accoutrements got delivered to my parents’ house. They’re on a European cruise right now, so my sister had to drive my ass to their house to pick up my perishables. That’s what I get for trying to be healthy 😅

They had my most favorite cookie flavor and the first Crumbl cookie I ever tried (Mom’s Recipe), so I had to.

Do they serve both of these things??? Asking for a friend.

We went to Texas for a wedding once and decided to try What-A-Burger. We were all almost done with our food, and Shi hadn’t gotten hers yet and all she ordered was cheese fries! When they finally brought out her order, it was a box of fries with a slice of cheese still in the wrapper on the side 🤦🏻‍♀️

My boyfriend at the time got a speeding ticket driving back to SD (we were in our twenties and too poor to fly), Chel and her then-boyfriend got into a fight while we were there, and the couple who got married are now divorced. The whole trip was terrible LOL.

I also have to agree with crzylop77. You get better burgers from AM/PM 🤣 I’d choose In-N-Out over What-A-Burger every time, but as far as burger chains go, I like Shake Shack the best.

Update 5/11/2024: We were talking to a girl at Innings Fest, and she was from Texas, so we told her about our wack ass What-A-Burger experience, and she was like, “In Texas’ defense, cheese fries is a fairly new concept for them.” LOL.

Partly because it’s Harry Potter’s birthday, but mostly because I wanted some chocolate cake 😆

If you thought I was gonna have wings on National Chicken Wing Day, you weren’t wrong (@ Buffalo Wild Wings)

Who needs Din Tai Fung reservations???

I ordered these dumplings from MìLà (if you advertise on instagram using a celebrity endorser and offer free shipping if I spend a certain amount, I can be easily swayed to buy anything).

I also made some cucumber salad, garlic green beans and sesame noodles (Pammie’s favorite) in case our dinner wasn’t Asian enough.

I was working on my bed (also where I ate my breakfast and lunch today LOL) and I thought I kicked my pill box from my side table, but I was like, “Why do my legs feel wet?” and I turned around and straight up gasped. I kicked my protein shake (which I pour over ice and drink out of a Starbucks cup with a straw so it feels like I’m having an iced coffee from there) and it spilled all over my white sheets and seeped into the mattress.

Luckily, I already had this stain remover from the last time I spilled at Pammie’s house, and it lifted it right out 😅 IDK what to tell you, I love tummy time and I’m a clumsy ass bitch ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’ve been looking forward to having Grimace’s birthday meal all week, but the Mcdonald’s nearby stopped selling it already (I had a to do some bloodwork today, so of course I got a cheeseburger and fries afterward).

I once went to Dominique Ansel Bakery in NYC, walked right in and some guy was like, “Ma’am, there’s a line” and I looked and there was a whole ass line outside the bakery 🤣 I guess I wasn’t the only one who wanted a cronut 20 years ago! When I saw there was a Dominique Ansel inside Caesars Palace, I had to brave the 105° weather and go.

Their July cronut is blueberry jam with graham cracker ganache and it was sooo good! The best cronut I’ve had before this was at Kettle Glazed in Hollywood, but this one knocked it out of the park. I mean, Dominique Ansel invented the cronut…

me: Are the fries at The Counter skinny or big?
Dennis: They’re skinny like you.
me: Skinny fries are my favorite! Okay I’m not gonna go to dinner with you guys when we get to Vegas. It’ll be after 9pm and I’ll be sleeping LOL. I’m just gonna grab something at the airport.
Dennis: I lied before. The Counter’s fries are big. Now you have to eat dinner with us!
me: Joke’s on you. I like ALL fries!

I love a good french fry, and Eater came out with The Top 10 French Fries in LA. I’ve been to 3/10 of those places (Majordomo, République, and Father’s Office). Anyone want to eat some french fries with me???

I’ve always wanted to make this Strawberry Pretzel Salad (“a favorite dessert at many white trash gatherings” according to this website). It’s now a favorite dessert at Asian gatherings, and I’ll def be making it again!

These S’mores Cookie Bars lets you have s’mores (my favorite) without the campfire.

I cut up some fresh fruit to confuse my body.

Pammie’s rooftop is my favorite place to watch fireworks. She has a perfect view of the Olympic Training Center.

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

My favorite bakery from NYC opens this weekend in LA (@ Levain)

Now I don’t have to pack my foodsaver to bring home fresh cookies the next time I go to New York 🤣 Their chocolate chip walnut cookie will change your life!

My mom asked me to make her banana nut bread with her ripe bananas, and since my sister’s husband has been asking me to make banana bread for months, I made him a loaf, too.

I used to make mini loaves and bring them to work. Here’s some actual footage of the time I caught my old coworker, Justin, in his office going to town on this mini loaf that was supposed to be for him and his wife LOL:

Don’t let The Great Banana Bread Disaster of 2009 fool you. I make a mean ass banana bread.

Best Ever Banana Nut Bread with Streusel Topping Recipe (banana bread recipe adapted from The Baking ChocolaTess and streusel recipe from Yummy Addiction):

Banana Nut Bread Ingredients:

• ½ cup butter, softened
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs beaten
• 1 ½ cups flour
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• ½ tsp. salt
• 1 cup mashed bananas (about 3)
• ½ cup sour cream
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• ½ cup chopped walnuts

Streusel Ingredients:

• 3 tbsp. flour
• ¼ cup brown sugar
• ¼ tsp. cinnamon
• 2 tbsp. unsalted butter, slightly softened and cut into pieces
• ¼ cup chopped walnuts

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Grease a 9-inch loaf pan. Cut a piece of parchment paper and put it on the bottom of the pan (for easy removal).
3. In a large bowl, cream the butter with sugar until light and fluffy.
4. Add in the eggs and mix well.
5. Whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt, then add into the butter mixture and combine together.
6. Add the sour cream, bananas, and vanilla and stir well to incorporate, but don’t overmix.
7. Stir in chopped walnuts.
8. Pour into prepared pan.
9. Add the flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon in a medium bowl and mix until combined. Cut in the butter using your fingers or a pastry blender, until it resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in chopped walnuts. Sprinkle the streusel topping evenly over the batter.
10. Bake for 50-60 minutes.
11. Cool for 10 minutes and then turn the loaf out onto a rack. Remove the parchment paper and wrap the loaf in saran wrap to keep it moist once it’s room temperature.

I didn’t know that liking your husband would hurt this much.

We watched a Korean movie (@ AMC La Jolla), and I got us some Korean snacks to eat while we cried. They even referenced one of my favorite movies, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you’ve never seen it, these two people erase each other from their memories after a painful breakup, and they still end up finding each other again. You can’t fight fate…

Jessie was off today for Juneteenth, so she invited us into her Korean world LOL. IDK guys, the Padres are opening next season against the Dodgers in South Korea, and she might go there solo and not come back ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All my dad wanted for Father’s Day was a beer on a rooftop (@ Seneca)

The dole whip at the food and craft market below was a bonus. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there!

I’ve been to 3/20 places on Eater’s 20 Essential BBQ Restaurants in LA, Spring 2023 list (Bludso’s, Slab & Maple Block Meat Company). Anyone want to try the other 17 with me??? I also have a BBQ bucket list if you feel like traveling.

Craving a lobster roll ever since Yelp sent me their 2023 Top Lobster Roll Spots in Every State list. This place in North Park did not disappoint (@ Pete’s Seafood and Sandwich)

We paid our respects at Jocelyn’s mom’s viewing tonight. No one wore booty shorts (@ Glen Abbey)

Hopefully the señorita bread we brought made up for us not voting for her for homecoming queen 20-something years ago. It felt like high school all over again (I’m still hanging out with the same girls and I had a carne asada burrito for dinner LOL).

Redondo is ready for me to come back! Now the closest lobster roll will be five minutes away from my apartment, and I don’t have to wait for an election to have one from the food truck across the street.

Also, Yelp sent me this list of their 2023 Top Lobster Roll Spots in Every State. Anyone interested in eating their way across America with me???

I made this spaghetti squash pad thai after Shi made pancit with spaghetti squash and I was wondering what other rice noodle recipes I could sub them for.

I’m that basic ass b that always orders pad thai at Thai restaurants. I followed this recipe, but I omitted the ginger, carrots and cilantro (since I don’t like any of those things LOL) and topped it with crunchy garlic chili oil (I put that shit on everything). It turned out so great!

I rarely eat rice or pasta now, but I still allow myself the occasional cinnamon roll or cookie. I’m not a psychopath 😅

Nori and I would frequent this taco shop when we had lunch every day for work, and even though we’d almost always go to Starbucks after, sometimes I would get this Mexican rice pudding that was just hanging out there in the fridge, begging me to buy it. Nori doesn’t like milky things LOL, so she would just watch me eat it, but today is her birthday, so I made some and thought of her. I miss my friend! She really helped me out after I got sick and checks in all the time ❤️‍🩹

I sent her a care package of all her favorite things: Mango Gummy Bears and Pineapple O’s from Lin’s Hawaiian Snacks, Dark Chocolate Covered Macadamia Nuts, King’s Hawaiian Bread with Passion Fruit Jelly, Freeze-Dried Sour Skittles, CheeseCorn from Garrett, a thumb drive with all her favorite movies, and some gift cards to Nordstrom and Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf because she is never without a spritz of perfume and a big ass Tropical Passion Iced Tea. She sent me this photo of her dog, Kona, trying to steal some of her candy 💕

I’m on instagram, partly because I follow a bunch of dogs, but mostly because of this guy 😏 His caption on this post is, “I baked you some dessert, so you can eat it while I eat you.” 😳

Mmm, Daddy 😈

Logan Sandoval is my favorite contestant on Barbecue Showdown.

He has a weekend pop-up in LA. Who’s coming with me???

Partly because it’s Meat Friday, but mostly because I’ve been watching Barbecue Showdown and I wanted to cross another one off of my BBQ Bucket List (@ El Barbecue)

My sister’s husband said we should only go there during the day (it’s in Sherman Heights across the street from a liquor store and a 24-hour taco shop AKA not the best area). That’s okay, they start selling ribs at 1pm anyway LOL.

Eating more eggs because my primary care physician said I need to raise my “good” cholesterol. This is 41, y’all 👵🏼

Egg Bite Recipe (adapted from Recipe Girl’s Copycat Starbucks Egg Bites):

• Simple Truth Natural Cage Free Eggs – 10
• Applegate Naturals Uncured Turkey Bacon – 5 Slices
• Private Selection Alpine Blend Shredded Swiss & Gruyère Cheese – 2 cups
• Knudsen Small Curd Low Fat Cottage Cheese – 2 cups

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and place a wire rack on top of the prepared baking sheet. Line the raw turkey bacon on the wire rack in a single layer. Make sure no strips overlap one another. Place strips of turkey bacon in the pre-heated oven for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, flip the bacon strips over one by one, and bake them for another 7 minutes. Cut the turkey bacon into little pieces (I used kitchen shears) and set aside.

Pre-heat oven to 350°F. Spray 24 cups in two regular-sized muffin pans generously with nonstick spray (I used these silicone muffin molds and Simple Truth Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil Cooking Spray). Combine the eggs and cottage cheese in the blender, and then stir in the shredded cheese. This results in a fluffier texture without the cottage cheese being visually present. My Vitamix is at my mom’s, so I used my sister’s milk frother that she uses to make her matcha green tea every morning to make the small curds even smaller LOL (don’t tell her). Pour the mixture into the muffin pans, filling each about half full to leave room for the egg to expand while baking. Top with the turkey bacon bits. Bake for 30 minutes, or until the eggs are completely cooked. Remove from the oven and take out of the muffin pan.

I’ve actually never had the egg bites from Starbucks (I was too busy eating birthday cake pops and washing them down with trenta pink drinks, so I can’t compare them, but these tasted really good!). My sister’s husband said they even taste better than the egg bites from Costco (high praise coming from him LOL!).

Since I only eat two a day, I froze the rest and nuke them for ninety seconds in the morning for a quick breakfast. I top it with crunchy garlic chili oil and it’s perfection. I don’t salt my food (I’m trying to cut back on the sodium, too), but feel free to add some salt if you want!

Each Egg Bite: Calories: 87. Carbs: 1. Fat: 5. Protein: 8. Sodium: 169. Sugar: 1.

Update 6/13/2023: I made a second batch and used my Vitamix to blend the cottage cheese and eggs together, and the texture is def fluffier! I fell in my parents’ garage trying to put the Vitamix in the car last weekend (that shit is heavy, plus I was trying to carry other things). My mom opened the door to the garage and saw me on the floor LOL. My leg still hurts, but my egg bites are fluffy as hell!

The second season of Barbecue Showdown came out today on Netflix, so these are my plans for the weekend.

I’ve been to BBQ Showdown judge Kevin Bludso’s original location in Compton. He’s since moved to Fairfax, and he’s opening a location in Santa Monica this summer. Take me with you, and I’ll treat you to a Pink’s chili dog and some Brambleberry Crisp ice cream from Jeni’s after! None of which will hold up to my apartment in Redondo, so we’ll just have to eat it there! I hope you’re hungry 😏

Miso Chilean sea bass (a riff on the miso black cod from Nobu) with baby bok choy drizzled with crunchy garlic chili oil.

The miso marinade was a bitch to make (it was so thick!) and a bag of five Chilean sea bass fillets was almost $50 at Costco, but it was worth it (one miso black cod at Nobu is nearly $40!).

This whole ass meal was *chef’s kiss*. Bon appétit!

This article explains so much 🤣

Sidenote: The only place I’ve ever drank water from the tap is when I stayed at the Ace Hotel in Portland. The water from the kitchen faucet was so cold and refreshing. I would never drink the water from the tap from my apartment in LA! LOL. Not even if that shit was Brita’d (I would sooner get a bottled water from the liquor store next door or the gas station across the street!).

I’ve been wanting to make these TikTok Cinnamon Rolls for forever, and when the girls came over for brunch months ago, imagine my surprise when I found out it was a “healthy” brunch (it was after the incident), we were having healthy shit like crudité, Christine knew brunch was gonna be healthy so she ate a Mcdonald’s breakfast sandwich beforehand LOL, and no one brought waffles!

I thought Mother’s Day was a good excuse to make these cinnamon rolls, so I did and everyone loved them! They were sooo good and I’ll def be making them again.

The best part is you use canned cinnamon rolls to make it! Ain’t nobody got time to make cinnamon rolls from scratch.

This is not my picture, although that logo looks like my dutch oven and my glasses (am I that basic???). My cinnamon rolls turned out exactly like these, but my family devoured them before I could take a picture. Also, I would never use that upper font LOL.

Partly because it’s Cinco de Mayo, but mostly because I wanted a burrito (@ Lolita’s)

Don’t let the picture fool you, I only ate half 🤪

I would not trust Mexican food made by a white guy in Arizona. I barely trust the Mexican food in LA (they put beans in everything! Also, why is everything wet??? If I wanted to eat a burrito with a fork and knife, I wouldn’t have ordered a burrito!). All I need in this life of sin is a 2-in-1 burrito from Lolita’s in SD.

People say I’ve become a food snob ever since I moved to LA over a decade ago, and to that I say I’ve always been a food snob LOL.

Have a safe Cinco de Drinko!

Freakin’ birds (@ Starbucks)

Whenever Nori and I would go to Starbucks (pretty much every day LOL) we’d sit outside, and I could barely hear her wordle  guesses over the parrots. Apparently, they live in palm trees, and palm trees are outside every Starbucks we went to in the beach cities.

Also, I was so mad when they took out the nearest Jack in the Box and put another Starbucks in its place. There were already 15 within a 5-mile radius of my apartment!

Who complains about too many Starbucks and palm trees? Is this my life now??? LOL.

I went to Texas Roadhouse again last night, partly because it was Meat Friday, but mostly because I did, in fact, leave my wallet there last week and had to get it LOL.

Celebratory cheeseburger and fries (@ Mcdonald’s)

Nori’s family straight up gasped when they found out how high my blood glucose levels were in the hospital. I recently had to get bloodwork done for my upcoming appointment and my A1C has gone down six points since January (I also haven’t had Mickey D’s since the incident, and I used to doordash their iced coffee every morning even though they’re literally across the street from my apartment). All I had to do (according to Dr. Joshi) was change my friends, change the way I do things and change my whole life (he keeps it too real LOL).

The phlebotomist said I had “easy veins” (usually it’s hard to draw my blood, and one time they even had to go through my hand which is so painful!), she complimented me on my favorite Michael Myers shirt I was wearing (that I wear year-round, not just when it’s Halloween), plus I got to have Mcdonald’s today! Win-win-win.

FYI I had my 7th birthday party at the Mcdonald’s in Bonita. I even still remember what I wore. Point being, I’ve had a special relationship with Mcdonald’s for a long ass time LOL.

Also, yes, that’s a double cheeseburger, and yes, I reward myself with food. Get off me.

Margarita Manzke (co-owner and pastry chef at République in LA) is a 2023 James Beard Award Finalist.

République is one of my favorite restaurants, and the first time I ever went there, they had a mountain of butter out and I mused aloud, “What’s all this butter for?” and one of the workers was like, “PIE.”

Go if you’ve never gone before, or better yet, take me with you!

Well, I don’t work there for the 50% discount 🤣

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Keeping up with Meat Fridays (@ Texas Roadhouse)

Whenever we pass by Pammie’s old stomping grounds, we have to stop by (@ Shik Do Rak)

I treated my sister to her favorite KBBQ spot in her old ‘hood because she’s been driving my ass around and taking care of me for months. After dinner, I treated myself to my first iced coffee since the incident because my doc appointments went so well. Most of the blood tests were negative, so they weren’t worried I have any more underlying conditions. Both my hematologist and rheumatologist gave me good news!

Doesn’t it, though???

P.S. Blue Salt is amazing, near my apartment, and you should totally take me there.

When in LA (@ Urth Caffe)

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends…🍾 🥂

I’m going going, back back, to Callie Callie (@ Callie)

We were finally able to get together and celebrate Jessie’s 40th birthday! 🎂 🎉 🍽️

Jessie knows everyone at Callie since she goes all the time! We met the head chef, Travis (thanks for sending over those complimentary fish collars), saw pictures of the manager’s cute pittie/corgi mix, Gravy, and wished the host well (he’s getting married next month!). Such a great experience, and the food was sooo good!

Love these girls 💕

On Fridays, we eat Korean BBQ (@ Hanu KBBQ)

I took my sister out for dinner, partly because my short-term disability (or STD LOL) was finally approved (EDD is so old school with actual paperwork and snail mail) and the payments are retro to when I applied for my claim in January, but mostly because I checked my ADP app to make sure they took my bennies out of my last paycheck and saw they gave me an unexpected raise and bonus (even though I technically haven’t worked since the incident).

Good thing I was max’d out on sick time and vacation, because that’s how I’ve been getting paid since January. I’ll be lucky if I get my first disability check before I’m back at work!

Cinnamon Roll Cookie (@ Crumbl Cookies)

This cookie is three of my favorite things combined (cinnamon rolls, cookies and Crumbl), so I had to try it. I only had a fourth of it, and it was excellent!

P.S. If you didn’t know by now, I have a bit of a sweet tooth. And if you’re not really a “dessert person,” I think you’re a little bit of a psychopath.

I keep seeing Marco’s Pizza TV commercials (even though there’s no Marco’s near us), so I made a healthier version since I kept craving this pizza I’ve never had.

Pizza Recipe:

• O Organics Pizza Crust, Personal, Thin & Crispy
• O Organics Pizza Sauce, Organic – 1 tbsp
• Trader Joe’s Organic Arugula – 2 cups
• Fresh Cut Red Onions, Diced – 2 tbsp
• Signature Farms Mushrooms Shiitake, Sliced – ½ cup
• Hormel Turkey Pepperoni – 5 slices cut into fourths
• Lindsay California Black Olives, Sliced – 2 tbsp
• Belgiosio Fresh Mozzarella Ball – 4 oz (half)
• McCormick Red Pepper, Crushed – 1 tsp
• Happy Belly Tellicherry Whole Peppercorn – 1 tsp

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F. Combine ingredients except the crushed red pepper and black pepper and bake for 30 minutes. Add crushed red pepper and fresh ground black pepper to taste when finished baking. (I recently bought an electric grinder and will find any excuse to use it).

Calories: 593. Carbs: 49. Fat: 29. Protein: 32. Sodium: 469. Sugar: 7.

I’m v serious about the half a dark salted caramel I allow myself once a day LOL.

Nori and I used to go to True Food Kitchen for lunch and eat Spaghetti Squash Casseroles, but I’ve been staying in SD since the incident, and parking at The Point was always horrendous anyway. 

I found this copycat recipe and even the meat lovers (me and my sister’s husband) loved it! I’ll def be making it again.

I followed the recipe pretty closely, except I used a 24 oz. jar of Rao’s Marinara Sauce (because it contains no added sugar), used 2 tbsp of dried Italian seasoning blend instead of fresh thyme and oregano (ain’t nobody got time to chop fresh herbs), and bought the onions already diced (because I hate chopping onions and think all vegetables should come already cut and triple-washed). Shi sent me some fake noodles to try (or as I like to call them, “foodles”), but they were awful!!! One of the reviews said, “You can’t burn them, but you’ll want to” LOL. The spaghetti squash is such a good alternative! It’s delicious, even if you aren’t watching your carbs.

I’ve eaten meat every other Friday during Lent, I wasn’t about to stop now LOL (@ Hanu KBBQ)

I had to order delivery today because one of their flavors this week was Iced Oatmeal (my favorite!). I split one with Pammie for lunch, and we both thought it was delicious!!! (@ Crumbl Cookies)

FYI I also like oatmeal raisin cookies from Subway LOL (my first job that my dad made me get when I was fifteen) and the molasses cookies they used to have at Milk in LA.

My sister’s bro-in-law, Paul, treated us out for Korean BBQ tonight! (@ Hanu KBBQ)

Thanks for the dinner, laughs, and letting me pay you in your first ever Crumbl cookie! (Did you love it? I’m still trying to convince Pammie and D, but Christine let her kids pick the flavors last time, so ofc they picked all the wack ass cereal kinds LOL).

My sister’s husband asked me what I ordered a lifetime supply of and I was like huh? I only ordered 2 boxes so I’d get free shipping this morning and have something to eat at the John Wick: Chapter 4 movie tonight LOL.

I ordered 2 boxes of Atkins bars for nearly $14 each, and Amazon accidentally delivered 2 CASES (12 boxes!). Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars, anyone???

We used to get Cookie Good at work sometimes and they opened a brick and mortar in Santa Monica a few years ago, but they ship nationwide. I ordered a dozen after getting this email (I’m easily swayed), and I’m def gonna split one tonight when it arrives. I’m thinking Blueberry Pancakes. Or Caramel Pretzel Chocolate Chunk. Or Cinnabun. Or Circus Animal. Or S’mores. LOL.

Cookie Good is better than Crumbl IMO, but I won’t turn down a Crumbl cookie (or any cookie for that matter).

Update 4/1: I had to do a taste comparison (for science) and Crumbl has a s’mores flavor this week. IDK why I bought the other 3 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Verdict: Although the Crumbl cookie was delicious, my favorite s’mores cookie is still from The Cookie Corner in Hawaii.

This sheet pan sausage and veggies Pammie and I meal prepped this past weekend has been a dream since my sister is in Denver this week for work, my mom is in the Philippines for one more week, and I’m staying with my dad who sleeps past 10am and thinks chinese takeout and salmon are suitable for lunch and dinner every day LOL.

This is just what I used below, but you could use whatever you have in your pantry:

Sheet Pan Sausage & Veggies Recipe

• Aidells Smoked Chicken & Apple Sausage – 12 oz. (1 package – 4 links cut into about 10 pieces each)
• Trader Joe’s Organic Tri-Color Bell Peppers – 3 Count (1 package – cut into about 1-inch pieces)
• Trader Joe’s Organic Broccoli Florets – 12 oz cut into halves (1 package)
• Trader Joe’s Handcut Butternut Squash Cubes – 20 oz. (1 package)
• Trader Joe’s Microwavable Brussels Sprouts – 10 oz. cut into halves (1 package)
• Red Onion – 1 large (cut into about 1-inch pieces)
• Minced Garlic – 3 tbsp
• Primal Avocado Oil – 4 tbsp
• Mrs. Dash Garlic & Herb Seasoning Blend – 2 tbsp
• Fresh Ground Black Pepper – to taste (I used about 1 tbsp)

Directions: Pre-heat oven to 400°F and combine all ingredients in a mixing bowl. Dump onto two baking sheets covered in parchment paper (for easy clean up) and “convect roast” (that was the setting I used on my sister’s KitchenAid Oven) for 30 minutes (or less if you don’t like it charred) and voilà!

I divvied the recipe in four and put them into these containers because they’re cute to make sure I got one sausage link and plenty of veggies per meal, and these are the nutrition facts per serving if you’re into that:

Calories: 481. Carbs: 39. Fat: 26. Protein: 19. Sodium: 695. Sugar: 7.

Also, who am I right now???

See’s is everywhere in LA, and I never understood how they stayed in business until I had a Dark Scotchmallow in my thirties.

I ordered some limited edition Dark Mint Scotchmallows from their website (they were sold out for St. Patty’s Day at my local See’s), and I allow myself half a piece a day LMAO.

(FYI, I also like Dark Salted Caramels and Toffee-ettes.)

On Tuesdays, I see my therapist and she’s minutes away from my favorite doughnut spot in town, and One Paseo shopping center.

This morning, I had some bloodwork done (they took 14 vials!), so I needed that quarter of a Susie’s Blueberry Pancake doughnut (a collabo with my favorite cupcake spot in LA, Susiecakes). And both planters from Pigment at One Paseo. Get off me.

Is it sad that I’ve been to 3 of these places (and one of them is my own bed?)???

After The Great Fridge Fiasco of 2022, the replacement fridge I received was even smaller than my original one and only came with this tiny ass ice tray.

Pammie gifted me this nugget ice maker on christmas and it’s been a game changer, y’all!

Every morning, I’ve been treating myself to an espresso martini. I just pour this pre-mixed cocktail over freshly made ice (follow me for more recipes lol).

Yes, I know that martinis aren’t usually served on the rocks. Or in a whiskey tumbler. Or at 9am. Just let a bitch live. 

Jingle Juice

3 oz merlot
¾ oz fireball whisky
1 oz orange juice
1 oz pomegranate syrup
6 pineapple tidbits
1 lime (squeeze and drop)
1 orange slice
1 cinnamon stick (for garnish)

Belated birthday post for this supreme slice! We celebrated Chel’s birthday with a backyard pizza party. Are these ovens allowed on apartment balconies in LA??? Asking for a friend.

Cheers to a much needed mini vacay with Pammie and Donna! The last time we vacationed together was three years ago in Kauai, so this trip was long overdue!

On Friday night, we missed our Nobu rooftop res because it took us 45 minutes to be driven 2 miles. Downtown Chicago traffic is no joke, especially during Lollapalooza weekend.

We ended up at Booze Box, a secret bar in the basement of a sushi restaurant. Right when we walked in, this japanese lady pulled open a side gate and led us down some sketchy ass stairwell into the coolest little dive bar ever. The music, drinks and late night maki def hit the spot.

I couldn’t go to Chicago without going on a river boat tour à la My Best Friend’s Wedding (that scene gets me every. damn. time.). While there was no slow dancing or tearful realizations, I honestly was so impressed by the beautiful architecture. The only other time I visited Chicago was over a decade ago for a weekend in the dead of winter. All I remember was that it was St. Paddy’s Day and they dyed the river green. It was too cold to really do anything back then. Even though it rained the day before I arrived this time, the weather was absolute perfection.

Coffee and vodka? Yes, please (@ Starbucks Reserve Roastery)

Later that day…

Donna: Why is my heart racing???
Me: Maybe it was that flight of espresso martinis you downed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m that friend who only orders california rolls at sushi restaurants.

While Pammie and Donna enjoyed the (mostly raw) tasting menu at Nobu, I feasted on this glorious 28-day dry-aged prime ribeye.

If my A5 wagyu isn’t prepared this dramatically, I don’t want it.

The best thing I ate at Nobu (and possibly my entire life) was this whisky cappuccino dessert. Holy shit, you guys. Once that whisky foam hit my lips, I left my body, floated up to heaven, saw my grandparents, came back down, and finished off the remaining layers of espresso gelato, toasted cinnamon crunch and cardamom cream. Their recipe is posted online, but why go through all that trouble when you could just take me to the Nobu in Malibu??? 😏

Since we all binge-watched The Bear, we wanted to try an authentic italian beef sandwich. One of our uber drivers, Kendrick, told us that the best one was at Clark Street Dog. We could kill two birds with one stone and get a chicago dog there, too. He warned us not to ask for ketchup, as if he knew about that one time I asked for it at a steakhouse and was shamed by my entire table. As he drove us around, he also pointed out where people had been recently shot and what areas to avoid walking at night unless we wanted to get popped! So full of useful information, this guy…

We ordered our food and headed over to the attached bar for picklebacks, mules, and quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth – Jeppson’s Malört. According to our bartender, Evan, it’s a Chicago tradition for out-of-towners to take a shot of what can be accurately described as “rotten grapefruit with the lingering after taste of a tire fire” (among other things). He also suggested we hit up the nearby L&L Tavern where Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy used to troll for victims. Who doesn’t love a good murder bar??? I’ll have to come back when I’m not stuffed with italian beef.

We woke up at the butt crack of dawn to stand in line for an hour before this restaurant opened (sorry for anything I said before I got some cold brew in me 😅). Kasama is the only michelin-starred filipino restaurant in the world, and respect had to be paid.

This trip couldn’t have come at a better time. I got to celebrate an unexpected promotion at work and have a little fun before conference season starts up this week and I’m blacked out for the next couple of months. Excuse me while I cry into my empty Garrett Popcorn tin…

Smoked wing night (@ Maple Block Meat Co.)

Excited to get some italian beef in me next weekend. Any other Chicago recs besides an underground donut tour? 😂

The day I eat a floor burrito is the day I give up on life.

My sister’s husband is convinced that I secretly have a poster of Joey Chestnut in my apartment, and I can’t confirm or deny that.

Red, white and blue (cheese) – I was that asshole at three different grocery stores looking for that slice of heaven that is humboldt fog in the artisanal cheese aisle to complete my board.

Views and ‘cue – two of my favorite things. This private rooftop is a dream.

Not pictured: me almost lighting my hair on fire after some lunatic let me be in charge of the short ribs

Listen, sometimes you have to choose between buying a box of costco king crab legs or paying your rent. Luckily, Pammie bought these babies and afforded me another month in my studio. Ha.

Is it even a party if you don’t stock your wine fridge with white claw???

Alicia got me this icee machine for my birthday a few years ago, and I don’t know why I waited so long to bust it out (besides diabetes and the lack of counter space). I’m pretty sure Shi and I had more icees than the kids did!

Christine came through with the Crumbl cookies!

Added bonus: The rooftop has a clear view of the fireworks from the olympic training center.

I hope everyone’s 4th was as lit as the illegal fireworks we bought on the side of the road!

Thanks to Pammie for hosting the best party ever at her new digs! Same time next year???

Friyay latte (@ Urth Caffe)

Fuck, can I get pregnant from this??? 😳

APL is doing BBQ pop-ups all summer at Strand Brewing Co, and I am here for it.

What time should I be ready? 😜

The only restaurant I’ve been to on this list is Guelaguetza, and I can confirm that you can still hear me over the mariachi band.

I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to drive down to SD so that my beautiful mom could serve me breakfast at a pancake fundraiser. That’s love. Hope everyone had a nice mother’s day!

I doordashed dinner tonight and just received someone else’s order (a hazard of contactless delivery). Even though I was hangry as hell, I think we can all agree that the real victim here is Kathleen M., who ordered 8 scoops of ice cream from Handel’s and received my salad and brussels sprouts from Tin Roof Bistro instead 🤣

Cheers! (@ Callie)

Who needs a husband when your bestie Jessie’s husband sends a bottle of champagne to your table during your girls night out and picks you up a 4-pack of sours on his beer run because it has your name in it??? Not this thirsty bitch! Ha.

BRB crying into my bangin’ breakfast sadwich (I’ll see myself out).

Best birthday dinner ever (@ Born & Raised)

Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast (@ République)

Celebrated Chel’s birthday with the girls (@ Pop Pie Co.)

After Pammie shared her big news that she bought a new house over the weekend, Shi revealed that her only update was that she got a tooth extracted and was going through a mortgage refi—that’s two more things than I got going on! Ha.

Smoked short ribs + doughnuts: a love story.

Dining at Majordōmo Meat & Fish was a religious experience. Can all of my meals be prepared tableside???

Much needed social hour and frosé with my faves (@ Pacific Social)

I feel seen.

Just Luna Grill notifying me that I have half a year left in my thirties (and offering some free baklava as consolation).

Is it too late to start dieting for my Hawaii trip in 2 weeks???

Recipes: Baked chicken breast cobb salad with ranch dressing // Avocado sweet potato toast // Chicken salad lettuce cups with avocado oil mayo // Air fryer brussels sprouts

I enjoy long walks to any burrito (@ Redondo Beach)

When your friends have kids but still like to party 🥳

Pacific coolers are the new pickleback!

Ditch day with my favorite 40-year-old at my favorite place (@ Grand Ole BBQ)

It took me four hours to drive from LA to SD this holiday weekend! The bestie is lucky I love BBQ her.

Rise & grind (@ Phanny’s)

Poolside mom-osas, anyone??? (@ Lakehouse Hotel and Golf Resort)

Hope everyone had a great mother’s day!

Thanks to all the moms out there (and to tiktok for teaching me the art of salami roses!). If this graphic design thing doesn’t work out, I think I’ll just make charcuterie boards for a living.

You ask for ketchup at a steakhouse once and nobody ever lets you forget it.

The only shells we cracked this Easter!

Me:

Shi:

I didn’t think I needed to include instructions with these hot chocolate bombs, but I’ve been wrong before ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

BRB eating my feelings.

Hello, old friend (@ Grand Ole BBQ)

A year ago, I would have never thought that eating at a restaurant and spending time with friends would be such a rarity. This is the first time I’ve hung out with the bestie or been back at Grand Ole BBQ since my birthday weekend last year. It was nice to feel a sense of normalcy again, but when I saw that drunk girl dancing offbeat at the bar with no mask on, I took that as my cue to leave!

Sweets for my sweets ❤️

Won $62.50 and gained 5 pounds this super bowl sunday hbu?

Back in the day when we were allowed to dine inside restaurants, I had an amazing meal at Jon and Vinny’s. I loved everything we ordered, from the marinara braised meatballs to the LA woman pizza, but the real star of the show was their spicy fusilli alla vodka (what’s not to love about carbs and alcohol?). I’ve been dreaming about it ever since, so when I came across Jon and Vinny’s recipe on Bon Appétit, I knew I had to make it for dinner.

This dish was surprisingly simple to make. I mean, did I have to ask the guy at Trader Joe’s what a shallot was? Yes. And did I see my life flash before my eyes for a split second when I flambéd that vodka? Also yes. But it turned out just as delicious as I remembered it being. And what was already an amazing dish was made even better by the fact that I didn’t have to schlep over to Fairfax in LA traffic or make a reservation a month in advance to eat it!

Best birthday gift EVER.

Pammie surprised me with BBQ from my favorite spot in Texas, and I didn’t even have to wait in line for hours to get it!

The first time I ate Franklin Barbecue was years ago on a trip to Austin City Limits. It was day-old brisket reheated in a hotel microwave, but it was (and still is) the best BBQ I’ve ever had.

Lady Marion Donutton of Quiksilver

(I knew I’d come to regret postmating Randy’s Donuts today.)

39 is staying in, binging Schitt’s Creek for the fourth time, eating your favorite pastrami sandwich and cookies from NYC, and finding joy in vacuuming all of your crumbs with the dream dyson you just got for your birthday (I’m clearly going hard this last year in my thirties).

I literally just got back to LA, stepped out of my car and dropped my cali burrito from SD on the floor. This pretty much sums up 2020 for me.

Double, double, seafood boil and trouble 🖤

I made these cupcakes once when I was dating my bestie’s brother, and their grandpa couldn’t get enough of them. I haven’t seen him in years, but his family would always tell me he still asks about the ‘cupcake girl’ even though my ex is married to someone else now. Sorry, Quinn LOL.

Sadly, their grandpa passed away this week, so I made his favorite cupcakes for my best friend and her family in memory of him.

Here’s the recipe for the greatest chocolate cupcakes and peanut butter frosting ever (according to Grandpa Oscar).

…or me when I found out that Taco Bell is getting rid of my beloved shredded chicken burrito (and more!) *cries in spanish*

Name a better duo than strawberries and rhubarb. I’ll wait.

Recipe here.

It looks like we’ll be quarantining well into summer, so I’ve officially stopped working on my bikini bod and started carbo-loading for winter.

This homemade pasta and alfredo sauce combo was *chef’s kiss*

(via @heatherland_iaintdoinit)

I need you to be on this level if you’re going to watch the annual hot dog eating contest with me (I’m talking to you, Pamela Jean. Look alive!).

I had a lot of random jobs in my twenties, and for a brief window in 2004, I was a barista at Starbucks. It was a second job I picked up during the holidays for extra cash, and not one I stayed at very long. That was probably the last time I made my own coffee, and definitely the last time I woke up at four in the morning on purpose! Ha.

I mostly caffeinate with canned cold brew these days, but sometimes I’ll indulge in my most favorite iced coffee ever—Blue Bottle New Orleans. At $4 a pop, it’s not something I have on my everyday shopping list (a girl’s gotta pay her rent, after all). But they sell their cold brew kit online and are offering free shipping right now, so I thought why the hell not? What else do I have going on six weeks deep into this quarantine???

This homemade cold brew turned out way better than any coffee I ever made at Starbucks, and I didn’t even have to wake up before the sun to enjoy it. Win-win.

You guys, this quarantine is really domesticating us.

Also, never have I ever texted / facetimed / zoomed so much in my goddamn life. I can’t promise that this blog won’t devolve into just screenshots of me talking to people. Fair warning.

Legit traded two rolls of toilet paper for a breakfast burrito from Tacos Tu Madre.

If anyone wants to pick me up some short ribs from APL BBQ in Hollywood, I have some TP and other provisions I’m willing to barter!