I regret the way pain has taught me nothing.

He told me I needed a car wash. My car was always filthy back when we were dating, and I knew he was going to say something when he saw it today. I smiled because I still knew him, but it made me sad that he hadn’t changed. Neither have I, apparently. He hugged me goodbye and held me longer than he should have. Then he left.

He sent me a message a couple weeks ago saying that “we should talk sometime.” I reasoned he was just thinking about me because it was Halloween. We spent Halloween together last year, and he had just seen his niece whose costume I had sewn. Maybe he was lonely that day. He always does this. He says “we should talk,” but I know that he won’t call. And I won’t call. He’s the one who left me. And I never chase. So where does that leave us?

(image via weheartit)

I realized today that I will never escape him. I met up with the BFF at her aunt’s house to go to dinner for her son’s birthday. I knew that Il Postino would be at work, so I wasn’t worried about running into him. But that’s all I seemed to do… without him even being there. With an extra kid in the BFF’s car, I ended up riding with Il Postino’s mom. His little sisters were supposed to be there, but they were running late as usual, so we had to go pick them up at the house. His old house. It was just me and his mom on the car ride there. She talked about him the whole time, saying how worried she was about him and that she didn’t know or trust his new friends. She said that she loved when he was dating me, because she trusted me and knew I was a good person. She apologized for going on and on (and on and on) about him. I mostly stayed quiet during the car ride. I hadn’t stepped foot in that house since I was with him almost a year ago. His grandpa told me that he missed my cupcakes. His sister was excited to show me her Halloween costume. We eventually made our way to the Spaghetti Factory for dinner. The BFF prefers the one in North County over the closer one downtown, so it was a long drive up. Time moved even slower with every mention of his name. I felt like I was in that car forever. During dinner, Il Postino’s sister said that he texted her that he was off work and waiting at their aunt’s house where we were going afterwards for birthday cake. I raised the second margarita I was on and told the BFF that I was going to need more of these if I was going to see him, half joking, but not really. When we got back to her aunt’s house, I saw his car parked outside and decided not to go up. As much as I love birthday cake, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the awkward situation waiting for me upstairs in that tiny apartment. Not today anyway. I will always be friends with my BFF and Il Postino will always be her brother. I’ll have to figure out how to deal with that someday.

I’m a magnet for unavailable men. Physically unavailable. Emotionally unavailable. Is it too much to ask that you not be in a relationship before making a pass at me?

Meiko – “Boys with Girlfriends”
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/boyswithgirlfriends.mp3]

I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh, I know better than that, I know better
You play the victim and I’ll be the bad guy
I know better than that, I know better

He let me drive his car today. Nobody ever lets me drive their car (with good reason). I picked him up and took off my seat belt so I could switch to the passenger side, but he said I could keep driving. He must’ve had a stroke or something, but I stayed in the driver’s seat. We got to the store and chose the most wobbly shopping cart ever. It filled the silence as we walked up and down the aisles, stopping to grab only the necessities off the shelves. “My,” he’d say. I’d look up to see other carts trying to get through and me just blocking the aisle while I stood there distracted by all the different laundry detergents. He took over driving the cart after that. We tested air fresheners for a while. “Do you like this one?” he’d ask. “Barf,” I’d say. “Try this one.” By the time he had decided on Freshmatic Morning Rain, we both smelled like the fragrance department at Penney’s. I didn’t care, though…I had a good time with him today. We’re so comfortable now, I almost forget about what happened between us over the summer. Almost.

I miss having someone to do everyday things with.

(image via ffffound)

How do I slow down?
I can’t relate to my heart now
I’ve thrown what I’ve known
Is enough of me out?
I’m running on empty
I’ve gotta find some way
To fumble right through this new heartache
It’s torn me apart
Oh, lovesick mistake
Turn me away

I went to see Erin McCarley at Soma last night with Chel and Shi. I think she is so amazingly talented and underrated. She reminds me of one of my favorite Stella Im Hultberg paintings, Until the Day—beautiful, but painfully sad.

Don’t repeat chapters; the ending of the story will never change.

I saw him last night. He felt like home and I let him in, forgetting that he had broken my heart last winter. I wonder how many times we’ll say goodbye before we actually let go.

(image via daily post-its)

Sometimes you have to forgive people just because you want them back in your life.

Il Postino called me last night. I still recognized his phone number, despite having deleted it from my phone last year. He was over a thousand miles away for the reserves and the last person I ever expected to hear from. Eight months later, he apologized to me… I can’t remember the last time I slept this well.

This phrase has never bothered me more than it did today (maybe because it’s true).

(image via finallyseeing)

Watch 500 Days of Summer… It’ll change your life, I swear.

Lily Allen – “Who’d Have Known”
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/whodhaveknown.mp3]

You said tomorrow would be fun
We could watch a place in the sun
I didn’t know where this was going
When you kissed me

Sara Bareilles – “Gravity”
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/gravity.mp3]

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Sometimes, it’s easier to say that you’re fine instead of having to explain all the reasons why you’re not.

EO: just know mayan
EO: you are a GEM
EO: like so super rare
EO: that when that guy finds you
EO: he’ll feel like he struck gold
EO: it’s puzzling to me
EO: how he could fuck up a great thing
EO: you be you
EO: you’re fan-fuckin-tabulous… know that also
EO: like i dont know anyone else that plays poker… and when it’s their turn… instead of saying “call”… they say “queen-jack!”
EO: lol!
mayanrocks: oh hell no

Do you know the most surprising thing about heartache? It doesn’t actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart, or a head-on car wreck, it should. When someone you’ve promised to cherish forever says, “I never loved you,” it should kill you instantly. You shouldn’t have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn’t know.

I gave his jacket back today. I thought about keeping it at first…. but how many times do we need to go through this before he realizes that this isn’t what he wants? That I’m not what he wants? I can’t fight for him anymore.

I remember the night he gave it to me. I was at his house watching movies with him and his family when it started to rain. I sat and watched him from the couch while he looked for a jacket for me to wear out. He walked me down to my car and was kissing me in the rain when he said, “I feel like we’re in a movie.” I started taking off his jacket to give it back to him, and he told me to keep it. Every time someone would ask me about the air force jacket in the backseat of my car, I smiled to myself remembering that night and what he said to me.

I just can’t look at it anymore.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ”Maybe we should be just friends” turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

– Neil Gaiman

There are few things I love more than Sunday nights with him at the drive-in ♥

I try not to see him all the time to keep things fresh, but he’s been texting me and wanting to see me every day since we started things up again, and I can’t complain 🙂 He came over on Saturday and stayed most of the night, just he and I catching up on each other’s lives. I was going to stay home on Sunday, but he enticed me with his little sister’s fresh baked cookies. We watched a movie with the girls and he held my hand all night. He stayed the night on Monday, and I had the best sleep I’ve had in months. When he left in the morning, I told myself I wouldn’t see him the rest of the week. I don’t want him to get tired of me, because I can’t get enough of him. It’s silly to think this way, but I’ve been burned before, and I instated this “do not chase” policy years ago in order to protect my heart. He texts me that night and it’s movie night at his house. So I come over and watch movies with his mom and sisters again. Today, I told myself that I wasn’t going to see him. Too much homework. Not even gonna text him. But he texts me first. He asks me if I’m done with my homework yet. We’re texting back and forth and he’s telling me about work while I talk about school. He says that he’s making fun of his little sister’s chubby arms and she’s pissed at him. I tell him that if he ever makes fun of my arms, I will punch him in his throat! And that he should stop being a jerkface and apologize to his sister because that biatch is way skinnier than I am. He tells me that he said he was sorry and he doesn’t want to be a jerkface. And then he tells me, “You’re the right size. Don’t think like that…” I knew I kept him around for some reason 🙂 He tells me to hurry up and finish my homework so we could grab slurpees later. I love coke slurpees. And he knows it. So I scramble to get my homework done just so I can spend forty-five minutes with him and a coke slurpee before I pick my parents up from the airport. Le’sigh. I haven’t exercised in two weeks and he thinks I’m the right size. Even though my pants are feeling a bit snug today. He has ruined me…

There comes a point in your relationship when you’re comfortable enough to let them see your true colors. I believe I reached that point last night. Yesterday, I worked from home, so I didn’t bother to shower (don’t judge me) and I ordered in Chinese. As I opened my container of moo shoo pork, I got a phone call from Il Postino. He asked me about my day and sounded like he was outside somewhere, so I asked him if he was driving. He said he was walking home from his friend, Ryan’s, house. That’s at least a few miles away from his place, so I told him to wait for me because I live down the street and I could drive him home.

After I hung up the phone, I freaked out a little. He had never seen me without having showered first, unkempt in my sweat pants with no makeup on. I don’t get all dolled up when we’re just going to the movies, but I definitely don’t look like I just rolled out of bed. I assured myself that I was just gonna pick him up and drop him off at home before he even had a chance to realize that I was all hobo status. No big deal. So I picked him up and we arrived at his house five minutes later. I left the car running and he said, “You gonna come up?” How could I say no? I love spending time with him too much. I ended up staying for a few hours just hanging out with him and his family. I soon forgot about how crusty I felt when he held my hand the same, kissed me the same, and still kept his arms around me as we watched TV on the couch together. I don’t know why I bothered spending so much time getting ready before… he likes me just the way I am.

I went to the movies with Il Postino last night. It was our first REAL date. We’ve seen plenty of movies together, but we would always meet at the theater or at his house first. We’ve gone to dinner together, but we would always meet at the restaurant. He said that he wanted to pick me up. I told him to call me instead of ringing the doorbell when he got to my house. My family has known about him since April, but they’ve never met him. He just recently came back into my life (for the third time) and I wasn’t ready for introductions just yet. I didn’t tell him any of that, but he knew. He said he would just meet them next time and that he would park three blocks away for me. Haha. He called me when he was outside, and my mom rushed to the front door. She seemed more excited than me! My dad just happened to be walking the dog outside, too. I practically jumped into Il Postino’s car and told him to go, go, go. He was okay with it, though. At least I hope so. I met his family before I met him, so it’s different.

I love that he took me out for ice cream before the movie. I love that he found out that I hated strawberry ice cream and left it off the banana split we shared, even though it’s his favorite. I love that he knows that I only eat red candy and gave me all the red Sour Jacks throughout the movie. I love that we missed the showing at the theater in our neighborhood, so we had to drive all the way to La Jolla to watch the movie… because on the long drive home, I love that he held my hand in the car. Things are different this time. He’s different.

I had such a good time last night. I wasn’t expecting to celebrate Halloween, but Il Postino wanted to take me out. Yes—he’s back in my life. Again. I spent the whole summer without him, just focusing on myself for once. I mean, I lost forty pounds! By losing all that weight, I thought I would somehow gain a better life. But I still thought about him. I guess he still thought about me, too.

More Halloween photos here.

Charlotte Sometimes – Toy Soldier
[audio:http://www.mayanrocks.com/blog/toysoldier.mp3]

Take it back
All I’ve ever said
All the things I never really meant
Take me back I want my toy soldier
It’s okay if we play pretend
I promise to forget you’re plastic
And on my shelf
Let’s fake romance and I’ll be someone else

Last night, I heard his name and the word “girlfriend” in the same sentence.

We’ve always been on again, off again, on again, off again… I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road we would be on again. Again.

He turned around and looked right at me and said nothing, not even hi. It was as if the months we had spent together, the times I spent loving him just weren’t important, as if they never happened.

I didn’t expect to see him today. I sat there on the couch as he stood in the doorway in his military uniform, just waiting. He was there to pick up his belt that he had left there the night we had both slept over. He didn’t say a word to me, but his silence spoke volumes.

Grocery shopping is probably one of my favorite things to do. It’s something I usually do alone and after midnight. I think that I purposely go without making a list first just so I can stay there longer. Pammie hates grocery shopping, so she especially hates grocery shopping with me. Whenever she finds herself at the grocery store with me, she says, “We are NOT getting a cart, Mayan.” Psh. Like not having a cart is gonna shorten my grocery trip. Anyway, today I was cooped up in the house watching Gossip Girl CNN. Pammie had already gone home to the OC, Rocky was busy being dramatic and sighing/tossing/turning on the tile floor, trying to keep cool in this unbearable summer heat. Alicia was with Ray at the fair watching War sing her all-time favorites (Lowrider and Cisco Kid LOL). Il Postino had not called, of course (le’sigh). I figured I could go to the grocery store and find something to buy. Even though I had just gone to Costco yesterday… and Albertson’s the day before.

I moved quickly past the cookie aisle so I wouldn’t stop and drool over all the calories I shouldn’t be eating. My graceful ass pushed the cart directly into the shelf, causing a few boxes of chocolate-drizzled rice cakes to fall on me. As I was picking up the boxes, for some reason at that moment, I thought about Ken from Pat & Oscar’s in Del Mar. I ate there once years and years ago. I remember everything about that day. I was wearing my baby blue New Found Glory shirt (that I’ve since retired) and actual shoes with laces. If you know me, you know I rock the Reef flip flops all year round. Hey, it’s San Diego… you can get away with that here. It mostly started because I’m one of those people who’s always late, so I never put my shoes on till I get to my destination and that day was no different. I was sitting on the curb outside Pat and Oscar’s tying my shoelaces and my ex-boyfriend was standing there with his arms crossed wondering why I didn’t tie my shoes anytime during the half hour drive to Del Mar and saying, “You shouldn’t be allowed to wear shoes with laces. We should get you some velcro shoes, Mayan.” I opted for flip flops instead. Anyway, I digress.

We’re eating dinner with some friends and I notice this really tall, really cute waiter named Ken carrying a huge stack of plates. He’s like whoa.. whoa.. and the plates are on the floor. I was watching the whole time and I started laughing, and he noticed me laughing and flashed an embarrassed smile my way. We were almost done with dinner and I mused out loud, “I think I want a cookie for dessert.” The cute waiter guy is standing nearby and walks up to me and was like, “You want a cookie?” and I’m like, “Ummm, yeah” and I get up to go get one at the counter and he’s like, “I’ll go get it for you” and I’m like, “Okay,” so it takes me like five minutes to dig through my purse for some change for the cookie (sidenote: in re-telling this story, I’m realizing how much I have NOT changed since then), and the guy comes back with the cookie and I hand him the money and he’s like, “Oh, don’t worry about it…” and I was like ok what. I never forgot him. Stuff like that just never happens to me, and that is probably why I remember it so well. I guess i’m just waiting for another Ken to give me a free cookie. Or at least help me pick up these boxes of chocolate-drizzled rice cakes that almost killed me. Someone to just do something nice for me… Gosh!

I always get involved with the same jerks. My therapist says that it’s not THEM, it’s ME. I can only blame myself for choosing the jerks over the nice guys. And by “therapist” I mean The Love Doctor from Channel 933. It’s the only thing on during my morning commute! I don’t know what it is about assholes that attracts a nice girl like me. Maybe it’s the sarcasm. Or the biting wit. Who knows, really. All I know for sure is how it always ends up. And that’s with me grocery shopping alone after midnight. Yet I still involve myself with these jerk offs. Some things never change, I guess… especially me.

So I’m in the middle of my screen printing class downtown when I get a text message that says, “How was your newsletter this week? I heard your work mentioned on the radio.” I don’t know whether I should thank my boss or strangle her. I knew it was Il Postino, even though I deleted his number a month ago after he was a complete jerk to me. He’s the only one who would ask about my newsletters. I like to keep work and the rest of my life separate, so I don’t really talk about it with anyone. But I talked about it with him… I text him back and tell him that we’re doing a promotion with Channel 933. He texts me back and asks me if I have any plans this week. This guy. If he thinks that he can just walk back into my life after treating me like shit, then he is sadly correct mistaken. I ignored his text, undecided whether I should respond or not, and started the long trek back to my car (courtesy of the Padres game). He called when I finally got to my car fifteen minutes later. And I answered. Le’sigh. We haven’t talked on the phone since that week we both got caught up in the magic that is Disneyland. There were no awkward silences and he was actually open about things… He talked about work, the air force, the family dog who recently passed, the two birds they still had. I talked about what has been going on in my life. Before I knew it, an hour and a half had passed. Talking to him makes me miss him. Who knows where this will lead…

Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.

Some guy came up to me at a bar tonight and said, Haven’t I seen you before at Dick’s Last Resort? I looked at my coworkers and thought, Is he serious right now? Maybe if I had been a bit more drunk I wouldn’t be at home in my pajamas blogging about this.

This is pretty much the closest I’m gonna get to an engagement ring for a while:
http://www.emitations.com/marion.html

So my birthday kicks off this weekend followed by a week in Hawaii with the girls. In preparation, I’ve exercised twice a day drank several Coldbusters to make sure this cold I got over New Years doesn’t ruin my vacation. I’ve also made my pearly whites more pearly, gotten my eyebrows waxed, made an appointment for a pedicure… You know, normal girly things that girls do to make them feel nice (and make boys notice their niceness)… The rest of the girls I’m going to Hawaii with all 1up’d me and gave up carbs and exercised daily and oh, did I mention they all got motherfucking BRAZILIANS! What’s a brazilian, you ask? No, it’s not Tom Brady’s ladyfriend. Let me spell it out for you… It’s P-A-I-N. I popped a vicodin or two (or five) to ease the peroxide-induced pain of teeth whitening. I’m exaggerating zero percent. What would it take for me to numb the pain of waxing where the sun don’t shine? A fucking qualude? That’s a level of sexy I’m not ready for. Most (if not all) of my girl friends are in a relationship. Including my one lesbian friend. I’ve found that as a single girl you can go in one of two directions… You can either wax your nether regions, wear makeup just to get the mail outside and follow a strict diet to a better skinnier you. OR you can take advantage of the fact that nobody sees your legs anymore and let a day or two go by without shaving, eat all the carbs you want because sandwiches make you happier than any man ever could, and forgo the expensive perfume you used to wear for a cheaper bar of Ivory soap. I’ve elected to go the latter since my break up almost two years ago (has it really been that long?). Maybe I’ll reconsider becoming that hairless waif when I don’t enjoy having my bed all to myself anymore.

Attention, unmarried people of America: You can splurge on a fancy new wrist watch without having to explain yourself. You can stay out till 3 a.m. without having to phone home. You can leave the toilet seat up. In fact, there are many, many ways that single life rocks, though you may forget that fact when your relatives are grilling you about settling down. Not only do you have the freedom to do anything you want—it’s also the best time in history to be flying solo. Want more specifics on why you should celebrate being single?

Reason #1: You have a better body. We’ve all been there—you get into a relationship, and suddenly you’re trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: “Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners,” says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, “so they’re still ‘working on themselves.’” In short, being single is way better than any New Year’s resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.

Reason #2: You’re more likely to achieve great things. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once they’ve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve—whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills—and get out there and work it!

Reason #3: You do less housework. You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and there’s no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but there’s no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If you’re a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (that’s probably because there’s someone picking up after them once they’re wed…). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friends—whatever makes you happy.

Reason #4: You can do what you want with your money—including keep it. Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV you’ve been lusting after. You don’t have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things change—and fast. According to a survey by SmartMoney magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. “When you’re single, your finances are your own,” explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angeles–based psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. “When you’re married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partner’s debt.”

Reason #5: You have better sex. Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles’ 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. “People who are dating have better sex because it’s novel,” says Davis. “Married people have to relearn how to play. It’s natural for singles because that’s the nature of a courting relationship—they tease, they experiment, they explore.” Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take over—most notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.

Reason #6: You’re better rested and smarter. While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bedmate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two-to-a-bed just isn’t as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest—seven to eight hours of sleep a night—than marrieds, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge.

Reason #7: You’re less depressed. Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterparts—if you’re a woman, that is.

Reason #8: You have better friendships. Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friends—less than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and community—which can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA. Here’s another way to look at this: “Singles don’t rely on just one person to meet their needs. You don’t automatically know who you’re going to spend Friday night with,” says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. “The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.”

Reason #9: Your travel tales are enviable. Marrieds take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like whitewater rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical—and personal—borders.

Reason #10: You know yourself—and what you want out of a relationship. You’re a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but that’s OK because you’re more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but you’ve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you want—and what you don’t.

And that’s a wonderful message: Your single self is great… and should you find the right person and decide to marry, you’re more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.

(Via The Worm-Hole Laboratory)

(In the words of one of my best girls…)

The stars and the moons have all aligned at this point in time and have made the unthinkable happen. It has been well over a decade since it last happened and a handful of guys that have brought us to this point. Chris, Dang, Duke, Edgar, Viet, Alvin, Dennis, Daniel, Jed, Anthony, Flex, Mark, and all the miscellaneous boys in between have brought us four to this very place…together.

We’ve been through it all. They love us but we don’t love them. We love them but they don’t love us. Engagements. First apartments. Break-ups for the wrong reasons. Break-ups for the right reasons. Multiple make-ups. Home wreckers. Friends into lovers. Lovers into friends. Lovers into enemies. Lovers we cut out completely. Under cover lovers. Wedding call offs. Returned bridesmaid dresses. College break-ups. Long distance relationships. Being in hopes. Finally letting go. Fighting to make things work.

We could write a book.

“We’re older and we’re not fuckin around anymore.”

I’m always thinking… in life…is it always black and white? Or is there that “grey” place where we can sit and hide from making definite decisions? To me…It either is or it isn’t. You either do or you don’t. That’s me. I wanted to finish college…I did it in 3 years and a quarter. I wanted my real estate license…I woke up, studied, took the state exam, and passed. I wanted to be a manager at my last branch…went to work early, worked overtime, and got it. I wanted to leave the banking center…applied for commercial banking and now I’m here. Dude…I take less than a minute to figure out what to eat at a restaurant. You will never hear me telling a server that I need another minute to figure out what I want to fucking order. To me…it’s THAT easy. But with chel, pam, and mayan…I see that it’s not always black and white. Sometimes it is grey. And trust me, I have bitched with this realization.

There’s a reason why all four of us are going through all this shit together. We’ll know to be careful. We’ll know when it’s too late to make things better. We’ll know when the situation is too fucked up to fix. We’ll know when to forgive. We’ll know if there’s room to let them back in. Or we’ll know when to just walk away. We don’t know for sure now…but our experiences help us put it all in perspective.

I would not want to be single with any other three women than these three bitches.

All I’d ever wanted was to forget. But even when I thought I had succeeded, pieces kept emerging, like tiny bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below…

Last summer, I suffered a slight emotional breakdown. Okay so maybe it was a massive breakdown that lasted nearly half a year. Whatever. I spent that entire time by myself trying to forget everything that drove me into this very bad place. I couldn’t escape it. I started coming around again when I realized that I didn’t want to spend my 25th birthday alone. Months later, I still wasn’t completely over it. But something happened last weekend. Someone walked past me smelling of his shampoo, and that normally would’ve made me remember, but, on that day, there was no rush of emotionally charged memories. No shooting pain through my chest. Nothing. I’ve finally let go.