The perfect man doesn’t exi-

(via @bonnie5913)

The Party City that closed down unexpectedly earlier this year across from my sister’s house has been vacant since, but now is a Spirit Halloween store 🎃

(via @c.d.blair)

How early is too early to put up Halloween decorations? I want to propel a skeleton from my balcony, but my apartment faces the main street. The apartment next door to me is still vacant, and I don’t want to scare away any potential tenants. Or maybe I’ll just attract a really cool one 😈

I already have this door hanger up year round.

And wear this shirt year round.

And this one.

Update: Just added this shirt to the collection yesterday. Boys, try not to fall in love with me ⚰️🖤

Dylan: What are you carving?
Me: Michael Myers.
Dylan: Does Michael kill people?
Me: Only little boys named Dylan.

Narrator: And that was the last time Auntie Mayan was invited to a Halloween party.

Auntie Mayan doesn’t fuck around when it comes to Halloween 🎃

Thank you, Christine, for hosting 🖤🧡

I may or may not have followed this guy home after my Target run today.

@thicmyers, is that you, babe? 🖤🔪

The weather’s cooling down a bit (anything under 70° is cold in California), so I got Pammie a SAD (seasonal affective disorder) lamp like in Broad City 😆

She keeps her house at a cool 68°, but she needs her sunshine for her mental health ☀️ I, on the other hand, am equally sad rain or shine 😅

This StepBet challenge is finally over. In 6 weeks, I’ve walked 162 miles and won $11.56 😆 The number of steps I had to do increased by 2% every week, which I didn’t think was a lot when I signed up, but man, am I bad at math 😅 2% of thousands of steps is a lot!

When I was walking back from Vons last week, someone kept honking at me as I crossed the intersection. It was my right of way (I always use the crosswalk because people always blow through stop lights here—I’ve almost gotten hit!), so it wasn’t because I was crossing when I wasn’t supposed to. A ton of people I know live in this area (including an ex), but I feel like they would’ve texted me after if it was someone I knew. I wasn’t wearing anything cute (just my Michael Myers shirt, black leggings, and a Padres hat), so it wasn’t a catcall (and if it was, I don’t respond to such advances LOL). I just turned up my Deftones playlist in my earbuds and sipped on my Starbucks iced green tea and went on my way. So if you see me walking around and think I’m ignoring you, I am 😜

JK I’m in my Michael Myers shirt and chonies right now. I’ll wear something a little nicer on Sunday 😜

I need these neighbors in my life 🔪

I wasn’t planning on seeing Beyoncé this weekend. I only brought my Original Berf and Michael Myers shirts 😂 (I obviously wasn’t planning on meeting the love of my life, either). Do I need to go shopping???

Celebratory cheeseburger and fries (@ Mcdonald’s)

Nori’s family straight up gasped when they found out how high my blood glucose levels were in the hospital. I recently had to get bloodwork done for my upcoming appointment and my A1C has gone down six points since January (I also haven’t had Mickey D’s since the incident, and I used to doordash their iced coffee every morning even though they’re literally across the street from my apartment). All I had to do (according to Dr. Joshi) was change my friends, change the way I do things and change my whole life (he keeps it too real LOL).

The phlebotomist said I had “easy veins” (usually it’s hard to draw my blood, and one time they even had to go through my hand which is so painful!), she complimented me on my favorite Michael Myers shirt I was wearing (that I wear year-round, not just when it’s Halloween), plus I got to have Mcdonald’s today! Win-win-win.

FYI I had my 7th birthday party at the Mcdonald’s in Bonita. I even still remember what I wore. Point being, I’ve had a special relationship with Mcdonald’s for a long ass time LOL.

Also, yes, that’s a double cheeseburger, and yes, I reward myself with food. Get off me.