@mayanrocks: doing twitter wrong since ’08

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Every Tuesday, Deane and I go trolling for sweets in LA. We coincidentally started doing this on Fat Tuesday, not realizing it was Mardi Gras—we just wanted some pie! And so… Fat Tuesdays were born.

So far, we’ve been to Alcove (Los Feliz), The Pie Hole (DTLA), and Ramekin (Los Feliz). We went to Ramekin two Tuesdays in a row (and the Saturday in between!), because their chocolate bread pudding fixes things in the universe. So does their s’mores cookie. And their strawberry brick toast. That are all BAKED TO ORDER. Don’t even get me started on their earl grey ice cream.

Someday we’ll get to the other places on my sweets list, but today is not that day.

HOME DEPOT DUDE: So you want these cut at 22.5 inches?

ME: (showing him my measuring tape) Can you add one of these little guys?

HOME DEPOT DUDE: You mean 1/16th of an inch?

ME: Oh, is that what you call it…?

…

I never feel as stupid as I do when I’m at Home Deeps. I promise I’m, like, way smarter outside of the store (ignore my contradictory burnt toast post below).

This week’s edition of Mayan burns the toast.

Tajin margarita (@ James Republic, Long Beach). Happy birthday, Karey!

(As featured on Buzzfeed, Elle Greece, Marie Claire France, Diply, How To Build It, Nouvelle Daily, Oh So Lovely Blog, List Inspired, Roomed, and Lighter Side of Real Estate)

I’m obsessed with all things Mid-Century modern, and when I saw this Co-Mod side table, I knew that I needed it in my life. But it was $345. And sold out. And $345. I felt like that needed to be mentioned twice.

Because I’ve mastered the art of assembling Ikea furniture (and tested many friendships along the way), I thought that I should try building this side table myself. I went to Home Depot, showed them a photo on my phone and was basically like, “HOW YOU DO DIS?” If you act like you don’t know what you’re doing (or you’re like me and you legitimately do not know what you’re doing), the good people at Home Depot will help you. They will tell you what paint brush you should use to apply clear coat. They will tell you what clear coat is. They will even cut your wood down to the exact size that you need at no extra charge.

Building this side table was easier than assembling an Ikea sectional sofa!

MATERIALS & TOOLS:

• 1 – 1″x8″-10′ common board ($14)
• 1 – 1″x6″-6′ common board ($4)
• Wood Stain – I used Minwax Gel Stain in Hickory
• Clear Coat – I used Minwax Polycrylic in Clear Satin
• 16 – 1.75″ nails
• 4 – Mid-Century modern legs – I used 12″ hairpin legs ($61)
• Sandpaper
• Hammer
• Power drill

CUT LIST:

• 1″x8″-10′ common board – 4 pieces that are cut 20″ long
  (the top & bottom boards)
• 1″x6″-6′ common board – 2 pieces that are cut 14.5″ long
  (the side boards)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Sand your boards. I used 150 grit sandpaper and sanded in the direction of the grain until it felt smooth. After your boards are sanded, wipe them down with a damp cloth to remove excess sawdust before staining them. This is probably something you should do outdoors in a well-ventilated area and not inside your 400 square foot studio during the only weekend it rains in Los Angeles. I still have sawdust in places I didn’t know I could get sawdust.
2. Stain your boards. Use gloves unless you want to have to keep explaining to everyone why your hands are brown for the next three days. You can use an old t-shirt, or if you’re a hoarder like me and can’t bear to part with your ‘I ♥ Haters’ shirt, you can get a pack of paint rags from Home Depot for $4 and use those instead. I used one to apply the stain to the wood and one to wipe off the excess. It dries pretty fast, so I was able to coat all sides without waiting. I only applied one coat, but you can apply more if you want it darker. Let the boards dry completely.
3. Apply clear coat. I applied it to one side of the boards using a synthetic paint brush. Give it a couple hours to dry, then turn your boards over and apply it to the other side.
4. Assemble your side table. Use two 20″ boards for the bottom, two 20″ boards for the top, and the remaining 14.5″ boards for the sides. Here’s a helpful diagram:
   
5. Nail the two top boards to the long edge of the side boards, and repeat on the bottom. Use two nails on each end of each board as pictured. I had someone hold the boards together for me while I hammered away.
6. Mount the legs. I set the legs 2″ from the edges and marked where the screws would go. I pre-drilled pilot holes and screwed the legs on with sixteen 3/4″ screws. Depending on what kind of legs you buy, you might have a different method for attaching them.

You can build your own Mid-Century modern inspired side table for roughly $78 (for just the wood and the hairpin legs, if you happen to have the other materials). You really can’t beat that price or the sense of accomplishment you’ll feel after building something with your bare, wood-stained hands.

Other things pictured:
Painted succulent pots designed by me (DIY tutorial here)
Task lamp from Target
Beyoncé print designed by me (sold on Etsy)
Bedding from Anthropologie
Bed from West Elm (discontinued!)

This is the start of something beautiful.

TRADER JOE’S CASHIER: You just get out of work?

ME: Yeah, these heels are coming off as soon as I get home.

TRADER JOE’S CASHIER: I like to take my pants off right when I get home. I’m not even through the door yet, and I’m already unbuckling my belt.

…

You guys, I think I found the one <3

Am I doing this right? (@ The Pie Hole)

DIY: Painted Succulent Pots

What you’ll need:
Clay pots in various sizes
Acrylic spray paint
Painter’s tape
Succulents
Potting Soil
Clear sealant (optional)

Directions:

Spray the clay pots with acrylic paint. I used Krylon spray paint in Mambo Pink, Flat White and Sea Glass.

Let them dry completely before taping off whatever pattern or shape your heart desires and painting them with an accent color. I used Krylon’s Gold Metallic spray paint for the triangles.

If you plan on keeping your clay pots outdoors, make sure you weatherproof them with clear sealant. Otherwise, you can go ahead and plant your succulents!

This is an easy way to add some color to your home. The hard part (for me anyway) is keeping the plants alive!

Sanding, staining and spray painting on this rainy Sunday. IDK why I thought these were things I could do inside my studio. Pretty sure I’m high right now.

I suppose in the end it’s almost too easy to look back and say what you should have done, how you might have changed things. What’s harder—what’s much, much harder—is to accept what you actually did do.

LA rain + Local Natives.

At home, at weekends or whatever, it wells up and I can’t handle it. But most of the time I can just about handle it, you sort of have to get through the day.

I wanted to tell you all my secrets, but you became one of them instead.

There’s a cafe in Los Feliz that has a table with drawers full of secrets inside. I didn’t leave one of my own tonight, partly because neither of us had a pen, but mostly because I was afraid someone I knew would find my note and recognize my impeccable penmanship.

FILE UNDER: Reasons why we’re single.

I love being on top of you.

Because donuts. And dat ass.

Lit (@ LACMA)

ME ON FRIDAY:
Have fun in SF, Deane! I won’t go to Glazed Donut Bistro without you.

ME ON SATURDAY:

But would you throw your donut for me, be honest.

I’m eating my feelings, and they taste delicious.

🤍💕

…or what I get for answering Anthony’s phone call after ignoring him for two months. When I moved to LA, he used to call me every Sunday to see how I was doing. This was like eight Sundays worth of conversations!

One of my randoms who I haven’t seen or responded to in five years hit me up late last night. Who does that??? Please just forget about me, just like you seem to have forgotten that you have a girlfriend and babies at home.

I’m so sick of these fucks.

Where the churros at???

…or me after my annual review this week!

A generous raise plus a bonus big enough to pay off my credit card debt? YES, PLEASE. Money can’t buy me love, but it can buy that $500 bedding set I’ve been eyeballing at Anthropologie. And sometimes that’s enough to keep me warm at night.

Young the Giant – Paralysis

And lately I’ve been thinking
I’m not feeling anything at all
Will I survive in the dead of night?
And now the lights are fading faster
Save me from my disaster

Trader Joe’s tissue, you my only friend.

Beards are my kryptonite. So are neck bites.

Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again.

Good advice from the birthday girl who gave me this print last Christmas ♥

I’m like that. Either I forget right away or I never forget.

Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I’m heavy, like there’s too much gravity on my heart.

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it’s there, because it can’t hurt, and because what difference does it make?

shadow-writer:

Obey your traffic signs.

Pain takes my heart’s place
The love we made remains

shadow-writer:

Say something, I’m giving up on you

This is how my crazy family does christmas!

Sliding a cookie from your forehead to your mouth isn’t easy (I know it’s hard to believe since I made it look so effortless).

$5 richer and missing these clowns already ♥

Dulce de Leche Cheesecake Bars
Adapted from Brown Eyed Baker

Ingredients:

Crust:
1 1/2 cups finely ground graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup white sugar
6 tablespoons butter, melted

Filling:
1 can (13.6 oz.) dulce de leche (you can find this at Target or most grocery stores next to the condensed milk in the baking aisle)
2 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, at room temperature
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Glaze:
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 teaspoons light corn syrup
1 tbsp chocolate liqueur or heavy cream

Directions:

Make the crust. Position an oven rack in the middle position and preheat oven to 325F. Line the bottom and sides of an 8-inch square pan with parchment paper, leaving a 2-inch overhang on all sides. Spray parchment paper with non-stick spray.

Mix the graham crackers, sugar and butter. Press mixture evenly onto bottom of baking pan. Bake 10 minutes, then place on a cooling rack to cool for 5 minutes.

Make the filling. Spread the dulce de leche evenly over the graham crust, then place pan in refrigerator while you prepare the cream cheese layer.

Beat the cream cheese on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the sugar and continue to beat on medium-high for another 2 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl if necessary. Beat in the vanilla extract.

Pour the cream cheese mixture over the dulce de leche layer and spread evenly, and bake for 45-55 minutes, or until the center only slightly jiggles. Remove from the oven and cool completely-about 2 hours.

Glaze the cake. Heat the chocolate, butter, liqueur and light corn syrup in a double boiler or in a microwave at 30-second intervals, stirring until smooth. Cool for about 10 minutes. Pour the glaze over the cheesecake, tilting the pan to ensure the top is coated evenly. Chill for several hours-or at least 30 minutes before serving.

Lift the cheesecake from the pan using the parchment handles and slice into squares using a sharp knife, wiping it clean after each cut. Let the pan sit at room temperature for about 10 minutes before you lift the bars out and cut them. The chocolate glaze will crack if you cut them while they are still very cold.

When the beat of my drum meets the beat of your heart
You know I couldn’t love any other, any other

Exactly one month till the 2014 Young the Giant CD replaces the 2010 Young the Giant CD in my car and my heart explodes.

Looks like I’ve locked down my birthday plans for 2014! Just kidding. The Golden Globes are also on that night.

You celebrate your own birthday on someone else’s birthday one time, and no one ever lets you forget it! Ha.

Brunch at Bru’s yesterday with Deane and Sabrina. I slept for 13 hours after this meal.

Happy hour followed by open bar at my company holiday party last night! Someone please bring me a breakfast burrito and gatorade. I’ll be in bed under the covers.

Homemade cranberry bliss cookies on this rainy Saturday! Recipe here.

I kicked off my Thanksgiving vacay last week with the girls and JT in the OC!

It wouldn’t be a Justin Timberlake show without Christine almost getting into a fight! Ha. The image of Christine with half of her body hanging out the car window as we drove off will stay with me forever.

Thanks to Pammie for risking her life to take these awesome vids!

I can’t promise this blog won’t devolve into a Paul Walker tribute site. Fair warning.

Oh my Milo. Mob City has arrived.

Queen Bey at Staples Center last night! She dedicated her final song to Paul Walker ♥
I may or may not be sobbing uncontrollably in the background. More videos here.

• Our Thanksgiving dinner consisted of enough chinese food to feed a small village plus a turkey (which a chinese restaurant deep fried for us for $25). Ha. Is it weird that I’ve never had stuffing before?

• Bingo, bitches! Now I know where I get my competitiveness and foul mouth from… I’ve never heard my grandma curse so much in my life!

• The Debutante @ The Haven. Good beer and good pizza with good friends.

• I haven’t been home in a while, and Rocky clearly misses me! I found this cuddle bug in my old bed every night I was in town.

When my sister woke me up from my food coma to break the news of Paul Walker‘s untimely death yesterday, I thought I was dreaming. But then it became Facebook official, and everyone started texting me to make sure I wasn’t hanging from my shower rod.

On a scale of 1 to Dawson, how ugly is my cry face right now???

We had more dessert than actual food on Thanksgiving, and this chocolate croissant bread pudding I made tasted like a slice of heaven! I’m pretty sure I saw the face of Jesus while eating it. This will probably happen again for Christmas.

Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding
Adapted from The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook

Ingredients
3 extra-large whole eggs
8 extra-large egg yolks
5 cups half-and-half
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
10 chocolate croissants (I used a box of 10 from the Vons bakery)

Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the whole eggs, egg yolks, half-and-half, sugar, and vanilla. Set the custard mixture aside.

Slice the croissants into 1-inch cubes. In a 10 by 15 by 2 1/2-inch oval baking dish, distribute the cubed croissants evenly. Pour the custard over the croissants and allow to soak for 10 minutes, pressing down gently.

Place the pan in a larger one filled with 1-inch of hot water. Cover the larger pan with aluminum foil, tenting the foil so it doesn’t touch the pudding. Cut a few holes in the foil to allow steam to escape. Bake for 45 minutes. Uncover and bake for 40 to 45 more minutes or until the pudding puffs up and the custard is set. Remove from the oven and cool slightly. Serve warm or at room temperature.

My Epicurious Thanksgiving Feast pinterest board won first place and an All-Clad Stainless Roasting Set just in time for the holidays!

Now if only I could figure out how to roast a turkey…

Homemade chicken sopas + Netflix. This pretty much sums up my entire weekend.

I had dinner plans on Friday and Sunday, but I was too sick to go to either. Now the inside of my car is clean for no reason! Ha. Just don’t look under the blanket in the trunk. Nothing to see there…

If people want to let you go, just let them do it. They may not understand who you are. So don’t play around with fire; don’t give them their cake and let them eat it, too. Here is your rule of thumb: they either commit to you or get none of you.

28 pounds lighter and $175 richer!

This was me winning second place at my work’s weight-loss challenge last Friday. It’s a good thing I didn’t win first, because you wouldn’t be able to handle those dance moves!

I lost to some corporate lawyer who donated his winnings to a children’s hospital. Way to make me feel like an asshole! Ha. I already spent my share on Young the Giant tickets!

Nothing says “I live in Manhattan Beach” quite like drinking pressed juice for lunch. All I need are some Lululemon pants and a jogging stroller.

Palomas @ Cinco. They use mexican soda here, so this is obvi my new favorite drink!

Monday mani + Elliott Smith.

Drink up with me now and forget all about
The pressure of days, do what I say
And I’ll make you okay

Happy 55th birthday to one crazy broad! At her birthday dinner last weekend, our waiter thought that my mom was my sister. He also didn’t card me when I ordered my vodka. #1 How dare you? (I have the face of a goddamn minor!) #2 I hope I look as young as my mom does when I’m in my fifties!

All I want in life.

Beach House – Take Care

I’ll take care of you if you ask me to

These randomly generated Bitstrip comics of me are 100% accurate.

Not gonna lie, I peed a little when I saw Lorenzo at work today.

City and Colour – The Golden State

Why’s everyone still singing about California?
Haven’t we heard enough about the Golden State?
I guess if you like sandy beaches and blue ocean water
There’s something about it, to which I cannot relate

City and Colour and vino.

Ugh, this week.

Give me a reason to stay alive

I love that Anthony answers my butt dials while he’s out protecting our homeland, even though I don’t answer his intended calls while I’m having a netflix marathon working! Ha.

Happy birthday to my favorite hipster ♥

Oh, my love, you don’t know what you do to me

Dallas Green’s voice still fixes things in the universe, FYI.
More videos from last night’s show here!

City and Colour – Un-Thinkable (Alicia Keys Cover)

This is exactly how it should feel when it’s meant to be
Time is only wasting so why wait for eventually

Dallas tonight ♥

Partly to fund my Amazon addiction, but mostly because I hate myself, I picked up some freelance work designing eblasts for a cooking website during the holidays. I can feel my stomach eating itself looking at all this food porn right now…

Donuts help you realize what’s important in life.

If Anthony thought I was sleeping with someone every time I deliberately missed his calls, I would have screwed all of Manhattan Beach by now.

Morgan Tookers is every guy I’ve ever been with.

Unusually heavy traffic made my commute home from work today a whopping 7 minutes. Life’s rough sometimes.

All I see is ‘wonton soup’. God, I’m so hungry. And Asian.

I fear for Rick’s life.

Caroline Pennell – Anything Could Happen (Ellie Goulding cover)

I’ll give you everything you need
But I don’t think I need you

Rocky’s doggy stairs have been out in the hall since he doesn’t need them to get on the bed anymore. I think he just uses them to stare at himself in the mirror now.

Cheers to my pops! He turns the big 60 this week. I challenged him to a shots-off, but he passed out after two beers. For shame.

Always reblog.

I followed this gluten-free banana bread recipe, but I cleaned it up by subbing coconut oil for canola oil and agave nectar for sugar. I don’t really have much of a sweet tooth (ignore my contradictory donut post below), but this was def worth writing home about.

My coworker brought in Randy’s Donuts this morning because she wants to ruin my life, obviously.

Bryan Cranston got my fan letter attracts the crazies.

Even though I just started watching Breaking Bad last month, I still feel like I’ve lost a friend. A brilliant, sociopathic, meth-cooking friend.

I just happened to be the 98th texter. No bigs!

Two Door Cinema Club – What You Know

These mini mushroom pizzas satisfied my cravings!
No more Valentino’s for me…

The Naked and Famous – Hearts Like Ours