HOME DEPOT DUDE: So you want these cut at 22.5 inches?
ME: (showing him my measuring tape) Can you add one of these little guys?
HOME DEPOT DUDE: You mean 1/16th of an inch?
ME: Oh, is that what you call it…?
…
I never feel as stupid as I do when I’m at Home Deeps. I promise I’m, like, way smarter outside of the store (ignore my contradictory burnt toast post below).
Deane: when do they start serving pancakes? i get here like at 8am anyway
Zack: WHY DO YOU GET HERE AT 8AM. I’m not even awake at that point.
4:23 PM
Deane: my equinox class starts at 6/6:15am errryday, son. i like waking up early. makes me feel good about myself. then i eat birthday cake pancakes and $1 french toast.
4:25 PM
me: i woke up at 8:30 today
4:26 PM
Zack: Marion you own the internet. Seriously. Its so impressive.
When my sister woke me up from my food coma to break the news of Paul Walker‘s untimely death yesterday, I thought I was dreaming. But then it became Facebook official, and everyone started texting me to make sure I wasn’t hanging from my shower rod.
On a scale of 1 to Dawson, how ugly is my cry face right now???
Happy 55th birthday to one crazy broad! At her birthday dinner last weekend, our waiter thought that my mom was my sister. He also didn’t card me when I ordered my vodka. #1 How dare you? (I have the face of a goddamn minor!) #2 I hope I look as young as my mom does when I’m in my fifties!
I love that Anthony answers my butt dials while he’s out protecting our homeland, even though I don’t answer his intended calls while I’m having a netflix marathon working! Ha.
I told the bestie to tell my favorite third grader that it’s easy to get confused… sometimes I have a little bit of both in me 😉 Ha! Just kidding (I’ve never have Chinese in me).
When my mom texts me to call her ASAP, I expect there to be some kind of emergency. Like my grandma is back in the hospital. Or there’s a new episode of Scandal on that night and her DVR isn’t working again. Yes, she considers that an emergency. And yes, I inherited her flair for the dramatic, obviously.
She just wanted to make sure that I got her earlier text to stop by Porto’s and bring home a dozen potato balls when I visit SD this weekend. I meannn. She also thinks that since I live in LA, I’m close to everything in LA. It will probably take me an hour to get to Porto’s after work on a Friday night! She’s lucky I love potato balls her.
After working twelve hours of overtime yesterday, I deliriously spent the rest of my night listening to the new Strokes album and watching pole dancing videos on YouTube with this clown.
Um, of course my #choking playlist has Young the Giant on it… as does my workout playlist and my baby makin’ playlist. Just kidding. (I don’t have a workout playlist.)
I’m horrible at returning messages… I currently have 403 unread emails in my inbox! If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I probably haven’t gotten to your email yet. (But if your name is Anthony, I’m really just ignoring you.)
Chatting with you is the only thing I’m going to miss about work! It puts a smile on my face when you send me nick@nite texts and pictures of your 22″ hot dog, so try not to forget about me after I blow this popsicle stand!
You know I’m moving, not dying, right? Ha. I’m only going to be a couple hours away. Besides, I have a year’s worth of free Nothing Bundt Cake bundlets to claim from their Mission Valley store, so you know I’ll be down in SD at least once a month (if you thought I was leaving my voucher with one of you clowns, you were mistaken!).
Sometimes I feel bad for Jesse because he’s one of the only dudes in the office… but then I remember that he gets to work with me, and I don’t feel bad for him anymore! Ha 😉
Not only did I receive a reminder from Anthropologie that I’m turning thirty next month, but I also got stuck with a “family” frame (for the husband and kids I don’t have) at the white elephant gift exchange at my office today.
If only I had picked the booze that Jesse brought so I could drown my sorrows.
3:18 PM
Jesse: so im going to the home depot parking lot in 15 minutes to buy nye tickets from dude off craigslist
me:i hope you have your gat strapped
3:21 PM
Jesse: if im not back in 30 minutes, call the police cuz ive likely been stabbed and robbed
me: can i have your white elephant gift if you don’t come back?
There’s an indirect correlation between the amount of work I get done and the number of gchats I have going at any given time. Today is Friday so… you do the math.
SHI: we were gchatting for five minutes and then he told me he had just gotten out of the shower and was butt naked the whole time he was talking to me! ME: i mean, put some clothes on and then check your email! why was he gchatting naked? SHI: i don’t know, why do you curl your hair naked? ME: i hate you
I won’t be able to make it, but there’s a “Party in Pink” zumbathon this weekend that benefits Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Research! Details here if you want to join the party. Dancer’s body optional.
There was no doubt that I woke up in a dude’s apartment this morning. Thirty or so empty craft brew bottles lined the mantle behind me. There was an outdoor patio set in the dining room, complete with a hole in the table for the absent umbrella. And to top it all off, my friend’s roommate offered me packets of ketchup to eat for breakfast. Ha! At least he made me coffee first.
Jesse and I agreed that if it wasn’t for my vagina, we’d have a serious bromance going on.
me: i need a serious eyebrow waxing pammie: you tell me you need something serious every time i see you
a serious eyebrow waxing
a serious hair cut
a serious cheeseburger
(looks at my eyebrows)
ooh. you DO need a serious eyebrow waxing. me: seriously, right?
Shi: I like this new Salvador film for the Hipstamatic app me: (looking at her iPhone) Ooh. Like Salvador Dali. Shi: Who? me:Salvador Dali. The artist? That’s his mustache. Shi: I don’t know who that is… I thought it was a bathing suit top!
Jesse: hipster alert Me: what’s she wearing? Jesse: all black. rivers cuomo glasses. Me: wait, are you talking about me or the girl who’s here for the interview???
