This is pretty much how the rest of my day went.

I regrettably opted for self-installation.

Back to the scene of the crime! Birthday shots at Bub’s with the birthday girl last night. It felt good to be home ♥

#thisiswhyimsingle

BRB dying.

9:30 in the morning might seem a bit early to chalk this day up as a loss, but I’m going to do it anyway. This does not bode well for my weekly weigh-in tomorrow.

The sound that came out of my mouth was not human.

At last, an MTV show I can get behind.

Silver Linings Playbook. Loved, loved, loved.

Can someone bring me a soft pretzel? I’ll be in bed under the covers. Thanks.

This makes me miss home.

Disneyland is Alicia’s favorite place, and Alicia is my favorite preggo ♥

Vendors:

• Sweet Cheeks Baking – Minnie Mouse Cake
• acookiejar – Minnie Mouse Sugar Cookies
• ClaudiaCupcakeLady – Minnie Mouse Cupcake Ear and Bow Toppers
• katiedidesigns – Pink Striped Paper Straws

What was supposed to be a quick break from baby shower planning turned into 7 hours of drinking and me getting a ride home at 2am! This hostess was def hurting in the morning.

OLIVIA: I wait for you. I watch for you. My whole life is you. I can’t breathe because I’m waiting for you. You own me, you control me, I belong to you…

FITZ: You own me! You control me. I belong to you. You think I don’t want to be a better man? You think that I don’t want to dedicate myself to my marriage? You don’t think I want to be honorable? To be the man you voted for? I love you. I’m in love with you. You’re the love of my life. My every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t sleep without you. I wait for you, I watch for you. I exist for you. If I could escape all of this and run away with you? There’s no Sally and Thomas here. You’re nobody’s victim, Liv. I belong to you. We’re in this together.

…

I stayed home from work for a couple of days this week… partly because I have the flu, but mostly because I wanted to catch up on Scandal!

I may be a little late to this party, but how awesome is this show???

This weather is really starting to interfere with my ‘no pants’ rule in bed.

Dinner and drinks at Whisknladle with my loves last night! 31 feels a lot like 30.

Much needed mo-pho-jitos at Manhattan Beach Post last weekend with my friends who came to visit and a one Marshall Faulk who is probably the biggest dick on earth.

He and his bevy of blondes were seated at a communal table with us. I had no idea who he was, of course, but Anthony has been a fan of his since he played for San Diego State. Marshall Faulk was such an asshole to Anthony when he tried to talk to him, though! Hey man, only me and my friends are allowed to be assholes to Anthony! Ha.

After putting in 20 hours of overtime this weekend, I don’t know what’s sadder—is it that I had vending machine pop tarts for dinner, or that I know from experience that the lights automatically shut off at my work at midnight?

This pretty much sums up my new year’s resolutions for 2013.

BRB winning at life.

It was raining all weekend, so naturally I thought it was a good idea to bust out the ice cream maker attachment that my brother-in-law got me for my stand mixer!

Last night, I made a raspberry sorbet that would bring you to your knees.

Framboise Lambic Beer Sorbetto
from The Ciao Bella Book of Gelato & Sorbetto

6 cups fresh raspberries
1 teaspoon lemon juice
Simple Syrup (see below)
1 cup Framboise Lambic

Place the raspberries and lemon juice in a food processor and puree until smooth, then pour through a fine-mesh strainer into a bowl, pressing on the solids to extract the raspberry puree. Discard the seeds.

Whisk the chilled simple syrup into the raspberry puree. Put mixture in fridge to chill.

Pour the beer into a medium saucepan and place over medium heat. Bring to a boil, reduce the heat slightly, and boil for 1 minute. Watch the pan carefully so it doesn’t boil over. Remove from the heat and let cool.

Gently whisk the beer into the raspberry mixture. Process in an ice cream maker according to manufacturer’s instructions.

Simple Syrup

1 cup water
1 cup sugar

In a medium saucepan, combine the water and sugar. Place over medium heat and bring to a boil, whisking often to dissolve sugar. Reduce the heat to medium and-low and simmer for 4 minutes, while continuing to whisk until all of the sugar is dissolved. Remove from the heat and let cool, then transfer to a container, cover, and refrigerate until cold, at least 1 hour.

Um, of course my #choking playlist has Young the Giant on it… as does my workout playlist and my baby makin’ playlist. Just kidding. (I don’t have a workout playlist.)

My future is as clear as the shots of vodka my grandmas were doing on Christmas.

…and maybe have some coffee, too 😉

The Waitresses – Christmas Wrapping

I gave my landlord a swanky electric wine opener for Christmas, so he invited me upstairs to try his favorite cab sauv before I left LA for the holidays. After a few glasses, he asked me if I had a visitor around 3am the night before. 3am??? #1 How dare you? And #2 that was a one-time thing, and I thought I was being discreet! Ha.

Anyway, he said he heard some noise at the door around three in the morning, but he (mistakenly) thought that I had somebody over, so he didn’t want to go downstairs and bother me. He went to bed and didn’t think anything of it until the next day when he noticed that the front door had been tampered with, and there were fresh scratch marks near the dead bolt. Apparently, someone tried to break into the house while I was dead asleep downstairs! Yikes.

If I knew someone was going to come here in the middle of the night looking for money, I would have woken up and looked with them. I OWN NOTHING! But seriously, according to my landlord, he’s ‘good with rifles’ (um, what?) and I’m pretty good with fabric scissors, so beware, burglars!

I forgot my cell phone in my car last night, and I didn’t realize it till almost midnight.

Can we just take a second to talk about my parking situation??? Okay so #1 I don’t have a designated parking spot. My garage is only big enough for my landlord’s BMW, his Mini Cooper and his diamond shoes. #2 I live on a one way street. If I can’t find parking (which is always), I have to go around the block and onto one of the busiest streets in Redondo before getting back on my street. Don’t even get me started on the street sweeping that happens twice a week. Sometimes, some asshole parks in the middle of two driveways and doesn’t leave enough room to park in front or behind them. And sometimes that asshole is me. But I digress.

It was already late, and I had to park two blocks away last night, so I considered staying off the grid till morning. Plus I had already taken my bra off, so I was in for the night. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to wake up for work without all the alarms I have set on my phone, so I grabbed my sharpest pair of fabric scissors (in case some beach bum tried to get crazy) and sprinted to my car. Okay so maybe it was more of a light jog. Get off me. Not only was I running with (fabric) scissors, but I was also running with no bra on, and that’s a dangerous situation in itself, amirite?

I’m going to file this under ‘lies I tell myself’.

Happy birthday to the oldest 32-year-old I know! Love you, Pammie ♥

…and I thought I was having a shitty week. Seriously, whose tooth is it, Michael???

I baked this chocolate babka over the weekend, and it tasted exactly like the chocolate strudel from Extraordinary Desserts! Even with my new stand mixer, food processor, and Pammie’s forearms, it took hours to make. I’m pretty sure time started moving backwards as I waited for this shit to rise (twice!). I literally pulled them out of the oven at 2am and was too tired to have my way with it till morning.

Here’s Martha Stewart’s recipe if you have two pounds of chocolate and five sticks of butter laying around. This recipe yields three loaves, so I think you should make some and share it with your neighbors. Especially if you live near me.

Apparently, by the time a woman hits 30, she loses about 90% of her eggs.

This may be the red devil in my belly speaking, but who wants to go halfsies on a baby two-pack of First Response fertility tests???

1. This is what happens when you try to balance your phone and enough El Pollo Loco to feed a small village in one hand! My iPhone is completely shattered, but luckily, my ultimate pollo bowl went unharmed.
2. Being a maid of honor has its perks! Thanks to the newlyweds for my very own KitchenAid stand mixer! I knew putting it on my wish list five years in a row would pay off! Ha. Let’s get baked 😉
3. It was the only straw I had in my apartment, and my sister used it to suck down some protein, naturally.
4. Rocky likes to take food from his bowl and eat it behind the couch in shame. He’s such a Choa.
5. Chel wore my bra on her face to prove that my boobs are as big as her head.
6. Alexis’ first Thanksgiving! It’s never too early to introduce deep fried turkey legs into your life.

Two Door Cinema Club – Sleep Alone

And I don’t know
If in the morning I will be here and if so
Let it be known
That I was worthy
I was worthy
I was worthy
I was…

Oh hey, I’m just blogging from my new Macbook Pro with retina display. No bigs!

I bought it with two credit cards and the promise of my firstborn, but I don’t have to use my old macbook held together by binder clips anymore, so I’m just going to focus on that.

I never thought I’d be shopping on Black Friday or eating Hot Dog on a Stick at two in the morning (or at any time really), yet there I was at Parkway Plaza with my sister and my preggo bestie doing both of those things…

And I want you
I want you
I still do

80s dance party at The Observatory with Walk the Moon!

It’s like she looked right through my hipster glasses and into my soul.

Mumford & Sons – Winter Winds

And my head told my heart
Let love grow
But my heart told my head
This time no, this time no

Loved, loved, loved.

…or LA bound at least. I’m back from my sister’s fabulous wedding in Vegas! More soon…

I hope santa gets me something from my gentlemen’s quarters board this year.

Enjoy Bill Hader corpsing while I go party at an abandoned whitefish factory in Little Israel.

Chel’s birthday brunch at Prepkitchen last Sunday!

(Photo courtesy of @instapammie—I was too busy getting served by Anthony to take any pictures! Ha.)

I’m horrible at returning messages… I currently have 403 unread emails in my inbox! If it seems like I’m ignoring you, I probably haven’t gotten to your email yet. (But if your name is Anthony, I’m really just ignoring you.)

Or your sister’s wedding in two weeks…

Mumford & Sons – White Blank Page

You desired my attention but denied my affections

Apartment hunting just got easier.

I can never remember where I parked my car, and last night was no exception. Shi and I walked up and down the parking structure at Santa Monica Place for a good fifteen minutes before we found this Park Assist machine! Now if only I could remember my license plate number. Or find my parking stub in my purse. Is there an app for that???

Shi came up to have lunch with me and watch 500 Days of Summer at Santa Monica Pier last night! LA doesn’t feel like home to me yet, but it felt like home when she was here ♥

The Temper Trap – Sweet Disposition

I’m pretty sure Antho only got an iPhone so that he could be included in our group texts!

I’m overdue for an upgrade, and I don’t know if I want to stay with the iPhone or get a Samsung S III. Thoughts??? I can’t make a decision without tons of research. And by ‘research’ I mean other peoples’ opinions.

I instagram’d that hoe, and then I had my way with it.

Imagine Dragons with Pammie at The Observatory ♥

When I went to my sister’s house in the OC to watch The Walking Dead premiere, I didn’t really think about having to drive an hour back home by myself. Or going home to an empty house past midnight… Yikes!

I hate when that happens.

via vulture.com:

Pammie’s bridal shower was a sweet success!

Sarcastic asshole? Check.
Man’s man? Check.
Danny Castellano is clearly my type.

Evidence that The Mindy Project is actually about my life.

This pretty much sums up every conversation I’ve had in LA.

Lucky for me, I’ll be escaping Carmageddon II this weekend to be in SD for Pammie’s bridal shower! Can’t wait to see you clowns 🙂

Holy pelvic thrust, Robin!

Did anyone else spend their Saturday night in their bra and underwear watching JGL on SNL???

Yeah, me either.

I’ve always wanted to A) watch a show at Red Rocks and B) see Mumford and Sons live… Someday I’ll do both (just not any day soon). Mumford announced their one show in LA this year, and it just happens to be the day of my sister’s wedding! Boo whore.

I should get the bushiest beaver award for planning Pammie’s bridal shower! There’s no time for blogging when you’re busy making fondant hearts and fabric bunting. What has my life come to?

The only thing I use my Google+ account for is to back up my 3,000+ iPhone photos, so that when I inevitably drop my phone outside my car window while driving and tweeting pics of my dog, I won’t lose important photos like these:

Clockwise from top left:

1. If you want to know my secrets, a couple of outdated phone chargers can unlock all the mysteries.
2. I found them like this on my desk when I came back from lunch. They didn’t expect me to be back so soon, obvi.
3. Sometimes when you’re Asian (or when your name is Shirley May), you find rice stuck to your shoe hours after you’ve eaten.
4. You can’t see it in this photo, but Jesse texted me a pic of his 22″ sausage.
5. I took a picture of my Leg Magic machine so I could put it up for sale on Craigslist. It was taking up too much space in the house, and I needed to make room for my expanding waistline.
6. Drinking on the job during my final days at work! My boss brought in a case of beer to drown everyone’s sorrows after they found out I was leaving.

My art director asked if I needed any supplies like pens, post-its, a bladeless Dyson fan… no bigs!

Or… me trying to carry all of my groceries plus enough takeout to feed a family of six last night. Two trips are for pansies!

I tried to sneak four cases of water into my shopping cart while my sister and her fiance were here to help last weekend, and they were NOT amused! Boo whore.

Honey Boo Boo‘s mama is only 2 years older than me! I have so much to look forward to.

After waking up every day at an unholy hour, driving upwards of 2 hours each way, putting 550 miles on my car, and paying $46 in toll fees to commute back and forth between my sister’s place in the OC and my job in Manhattan Beach, I’ve finally moved into my new place in Redondo Beach! I couldn’t be happier that I’m only 2 streets away from my work now.

When I found this steal on Craigslist and submitted my rental application, the landlord who lives upstairs mentioned that he loves Filipino food and has never met a Filipino he didn’t like. I mean… if he only leased the bottom floor of his townhouse to me because he thinks I know how to cook Filipino food, then he’s in for 3 months of disappointment!

Congrats Trace & Gary ♥

BRB my heart is exploding.

Pammie’s wedding is only ten weeks away!

My maid of honor dress has no room for error. And I’m just gonna tell you right now… there’s a lot of error.

Everything happened so fast with the move that I didn’t have time to think about it. I’m so much happier at my new job, but I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my dog. Le’sigh.

What does it mean?!?

If heaven is a 6×8 glass-enclosed cubicle, then this is it.

Mumford & Sons – I Will Wait

And I will wait
I will wait for you

Manhattan Beach! I could get used to this…

If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.

Clearly, San Diego was sad to see me go.

This post has been sitting in my drafts for the past year or two (or five), and today I finally get to publish this shiznittle bam snip snap sack!

No time! There’s never any time!

The first step toward getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

Mr. Little Jeans – Rescue Song (RAC Remix)

Dessert and drinks at D Bar followed by an encore of Celeste and Jesse Forever with the original Celeste and Jesse Chel and Anthony last night!

When Anthony texted that he was waiting for us in the second row, far left, he meant in the theater that was actually showing the movie, and not the one that Chel and I were sitting in for five minutes before we realized that what we were in the wrong theater! Ha. We always seem to get lost when we’re together…

Chatting with you is the only thing I’m going to miss about work! It puts a smile on my face when you send me nick@nite texts and pictures of your 22″ hot dog, so try not to forget about me after I blow this popsicle stand!

Oh my glob, you guys!

You know I’m moving, not dying, right? Ha. I’m only going to be a couple hours away. Besides, I have a year’s worth of free Nothing Bundt Cake bundlets to claim from their Mission Valley store, so you know I’ll be down in SD at least once a month (if you thought I was leaving my voucher with one of you clowns, you were mistaken!).

But I believe good things happen everyday. I believe good things happen even when bad things happen. And I believe on a happy day like today, we can still feel a little sad. That’s life, isn’t it?

Snooze with my loves! Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with news 😉
Thanks for breakfast, Anthony ♥

I’m officially the new Web Designer for Skechers! LA, here I come… Yikes!

I’m pretty sure this is what will be waiting for me on the other side when my time comes.

I think the GPOY is assumed here.

@idntfd HOW DARE YOU

I guess it’s time for my annual car wash.

You are a souvenir shop, where he goes to remember how much people miss him when he is gone.

Spring Valley: Where Paul Walker gets his fabulous $10 hair cuts (but only on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays).

Okay, but only if it’s on the dollar menu. I’m cheap.

Surely, our bitchy exclusivity will transcend death.

I’m almost exclusively attracted to these men.

Today, I found out that my BFF is pregnant with her third kid. It’s almost like I’m having a baby, too, but without the weight gain or the big boobs. Oh, wait…

Clearly, some galactigeek has been using my Amazon Prime account…

(I’m talking to you, Shirley May!)

When I got into work this morning, Jesse had me watch this video of the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders lip syncing to ‘Call Me Maybe’ in bikinis.

I immediately regretted everything I ate this past weekend in life and cried into my bowl of oatmeal. With ground flaxseed. And two splendas.

Too soon.

I had my camera in one hand and my Texas-sized maple bacon donut in the other! Um, best day evs. More videos of Young the Giant at the OC Fair here.

I have exactly one week to learn these dance moves before my grandma’s birthday party.

If I’m going to participate in that office juicing potluck tomorrow (don’t ask), I’m going to have my way with Ben and Jerry tonight!

At least we still have Kimye.

Things I learned at the OC Fair yesterday:

• Young the Giant is just as good the third time around.
• The porkabello kabobs from Bacon A-Fair are gravely disappointing.
• I only like cute farm animals on the interwebs—IRL the smell of livestock elicits my gag reflex.

I went wedding dress shopping with Pammie this past weekend. It was like an episode of Say Yes to the Dress, except I was the one tearing up! She looked so beautiful ♥

We took the dress back home to her condo where she suggested I try it on. Why not, right? It might be the only chance I get to wear a wedding dress! Ha. More than 24 hours have passed since I took that gorgeous gown off, and I am still dead inside.

As far as Mondays go, today has been exceptionally shitty.

It’s like they know me.