Educating my project manager about botox and fuck boys 😆

I also buy two tickets even though I don’t know who I’m going with yet. Unless it’s for John Mayer and I buy a single ticket off stubhub for $300 an hour before the show, because I decided last minute to go and know no one else would pay $300 (or any amount of money) to see John Mayer 😅

I heard this song on Chel’s instagram post about her stay at Jacumba Hot Springs Hotel, but I thought they were saying “chainsaw daydreams” instead of “chase our daydreams” LOL. I’ve been listening to too many true crime podcasts 😅

Waiting until the eleventh hour to check in to my doc appointment in case I win tickets to Justin Timberlake’s free show in NYC that day and have to cancel it 😅

He said, “baby, ” that’s what he called me, “I love you”
Every single word you say makes me feel some type of way
It’s the thought of you that slightly scares me
But it takes my breath away, forget what I was gonna say
The day that I met you, I started dreaming
Now I write ’em down if I remember in the morning time

I just want a daddy who sends me songs that make him think of me 😆 I told Jessie to tell Nixon (who’s in middle school), it doesn’t get easier in your 40s 😅

My friend tested positive for Covid, and she thinks she got it from a meeting she had to attend at UCSD in person last week. My sister had to go into the office today for a meeting with executives that are flying in from all over the country! Her boss has a cold and is knowingly going in sick for that meeting and also a team building event at an escape room LOL. Like, what’s more important than your health??? Certainly not your job! Luckily, my boss is a germophobe, and I haven’t had to go in the office since 2020.

I’ve somehow managed to dodge Covid for 4 years, even though I’ve been exposed a couple times. Should I add that to my Tinder bio? “Never gotten Covid. Never seen a Star Wars movie.” Just kidding (I’m not on Tinder).

Anytime I say I’ve never had Covid, my sister (who got Covid on vacation in Hawaii despite masking up and sanitizing everything all the time) likes to remind me that I had two strokes last year. Touché, bitch. Tou-fucking-ché 😅

We were talking about how Ice Cube is exposing Jay-Z and saying he’s worse than Diddy, and how no one is safe. Seriously, nothing better come out about Young the Giant 🤣

Shi comin’ in hot with the tea! I love chisme on any given day, but especially on my birthday 😆

My parents are on their way to a cruise and upgraded their flight there to premium economy. Didn’t know it came with champagne! My sister helped them book their flights, so not sure if this is like the time she got me a plane ticket to meet her in Chicago, and the flight attendant came by with a cheese plate and I was like, “I didn’t order that,” and she was like, “Pamela pre-ordered it.” And I was like, “Oh, okay!” While I was eating my wedge of brie, the flight attendant came by again with a bottle of champagne and was like, “She ordered this, too!” My aisle mates were so jealous. It was a morning flight, but I still drank the whole bottle of champagne and slept the rest of the plane ride from LAX to O’Hare 😅

I’ve only ever flown first class on my sister’s dime. She’s bougie and likes to travel in style. If I’m booking it, I’m like uhhh how many Southwest points do I have? 😅 When Shi found out we were going to New York for my birthday, she was like, “How much are flights right now?” and I was like, “Uhh IDK, Pammie bought them.” And she looks over at my sister, and Pammie was like, “We’re flying first class, so…” and Shi was like, “Oh, my bad!” And this was right after my sister explained that all her Harry Potter ornaments were spotless because Leticia the housekeeper dusted them LOL. In her defense, she hosted Christmas, so that’s why she had Leticia clean the house. She was referred to her by two of our other friends who also use Leticia to clean their houses. Coincidentally, we also get waxed by the same person. If you don’t share a housekeeper and a Brazilian waxer, are you even friends??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

She’s not the first person to tell me this. My other friend said the same thing when she was telling me her boyfriend doesn’t make her laugh 😂 I could never be with someone who doesn’t make me laugh!

Happy birthday to my bestie and favorite sister, Pammie!

I was promised dick chips ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Jessie asked me to make her baby shower invitation, so I’m asking all the important questions 😆

FYI Humboldt Fog is my favorite cheese (you should be writing this down). Christine was telling us a v serious story about meeting up with her pregnant friend who also has cancer at Plaza Bonita, and I was like, “Wait, is the Popeye’s open in the food court?” Some people say I have no tact, but that Popeye’s had a big ass “Opening Spring 2023!” painted on the wall, and it was Halloween and still not open! It has since opened if you’re wondering 😅

Also, while researching baby shower invites, I found this cute Baby-Q invitation. Anyone wanna go halfsies on a baby so I can throw myself a Baby-Q???

I hate baking in someone else’s house 😅

I love BBQ dick chips.

You have to make concessions when you’re in your 40s. Height, marital status, etc. 😆 I won’t compromise on age, though. I’d rather be alone than be with someone who was born after I started high school 😅

Is he happily married, though??? 😜 JK.

We were just chatting about how my ex tore his ACL playing pickleball LOL and now Chanandler Bong has died after playing! Who knew pickleball was so dangerous? 😅

I never even heard of the sport until Skechers became the Exclusive Shoe of USA Pickleball!

Maybe they were dinking when they should have been donking 🤣

On our flight home from Hawaii once, I accidentally tucked the back of my dress into my chonies after using the airplane bathroom, and when I walked back to my seat, Shi untucked my dress and was like, “We can see your underwear!” and I was like, “It’s a bathing suit bottom!” Fifteen years later, they won’t let me forget it.

Also, I never know where we parked the car or where anything is since I never put things back in their place. My sister’s husband is always like, “How were you two raised in the same household???” 😅

If you didn’t already know, I love Halloween and the fair (you should be writing this down). If I ever get engaged or was the kind of person who would get engagement photos taken (I’m not), it would totally be at a carnival.

Also, my first concert ever was Gladys Knight at the Del Mar Fair 🤣

We’re having a paint and sip night for Chel’s birthday this weekend, and my Beetlejuice pumpkins don’t really fit Chel’s warm palette vibe 😅

Is this like when Lindsay Lohan didn’t know that Halloween was the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and was the only one who showed up at that party in a scary costume in Mean Girls? 🤣 Am I about to DJ Lo & Behold this party???

Jessie thought the saying was “beat a dead whore” instead of “beat a dead horse” 🤣 We joke that she’s ESL, even though she was born and raised here!

I’m already a monthly donor for ASPCA (to help animals in need. Also, the commercials and Sarah McLachlan got me. Plus I got a free t-shirt LOL).

Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

FYI I’m romantic as fuck.

Apparently, Dumbledore died ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Is this like the time we were watching the fourth Matrix, and Pammie was like, “Neo looks so old,” and I was like, “Wait… who’s Neo?” 🤣 In my defense, I’ve only seen the first Matrix movie when it came out it 1999. I still can’t tell you what the matrix is!

This is why people don’t like watching shit with me 😅

Are you even really friends if you don’t coordinate your brazilians???

P.S. I discovered Linda 13 years ago! She has since left Viva Brazil and does house calls now if you ever need your vag waxed in SD 😅

When someone asks me what my limit is for an *NSYNC concert (it’s $1,000 for Beyoncé):

Justin Gaspar from Hommage Bakehouse (who won Hulu’s Baker’s Dozen) made pizzas during the party and they were so good. He liked my Boo Berry Krispie Treats and his wife was the first person ever to compliment me on my Original Berf shirt, too, so they’re good people 😆

We came for the pizza, but stayed for the gender reveal!

It has been a hard IVF journey for my dear friend after battling breast cancer, and Jessie surprised all of us by telling us that the surrogacy’s pregnancy took and baby boy Cuevas is coming March 2024!

We are simply overjoyed 🥹

The DMV approved my application for a Disabled Person (DP LOLOL) placard if you want to hang out and get primo parking 😂 You guys, this placard even lets you park on an on-street metered parking space at no charge or in an area that requires a resident permit! Should I update my Tinder bio to include this??? JK, the placard is more of a third date reveal 🤣 I could also get you a discount at the Skechers Food Spot LOL. IDK why I’m single when I come with all these perks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I once got 3 parking tickets in one weekend, so this placard is gold 😅 In my defense, parking in LA is a nightmare.

I was totally this kid. I could never find my bus tickets, even though I took the bus to school every morning and night up until high school LOL. They were just loose in my backpack. I still feel panic and anxiety as an adult whenever I get to the drive through window and I’m not ready with my credit card even though I’ve been sitting in line for twenty minutes 😅

Accurate ✌🏼

Shi says it’s still too soon for stroke jokes 😅 *laughs awkwardly*

P.S. When I say I can eat anywhere, I mean it. My friend and I once went to lunch with this vegan girl who insisted we choose the restaurant (“I can find vegan food anywhere,” she said), and then she insisted we order and eat in front of her even though the restaurant was “garbage” and she wasn’t gonna order anything. Most awkward lunch ever! I kept stealing glances my friend as I nibbled on my salad, and she was just going to town on her food like, “She said to eat in front of her, so I’m eating!” 🤣

Young the Giant is always a good idea (@ CalCoast Credit Union Open Air Theatre)

One of Francis’ friends was working security, and he was like, “Yooo, you like Young the Giant?!” like it was a bad thing 🤣 Is this like when I liked Hoobastank?! 😅

Even though my calves burn with the fury of a thousand suns (our seats were at the very bottom and it’s a looong way to the top where the drinks are), YTG is always worth it.

Here’s Francis and I texting each other during the show because our seats were right in front of the speakers and we couldn’t hear each other LOL:

Young the Giant tonight! Christine sent us this video of a guy crying at the Beyoncé concert, and we’ve been laughing for a million years.

The last time Jessie and I went to a game together, we ran into my brother-in-law at Las Hadas afterward and he told Pammie, “Tell your sister she was sloppy.”

Jessie and I got roofied once at The Waterfront (Pammie’s like, “Please try not to get roofied tonight,” and Jessie was like, “We didn’t try the first time!” LOL) and she and Christine had to pick my ass up from under a bridge downtown one morning another time after my walk of shame. My twenties were wild 😅

I got into the uber and told Jessie I already pre-gamed with a gummy because it takes a long time for me to digest, and she was like, “Do we need to call Christine already???” but our standby was already tipsy because she and Allyn took the kids to D&B’s and had their own Asian Night 🤣

Do boys not like morbid girls???

IDK if I was a bad driver before the strokes, but I definitely was bad at Wordle 🤣

Contrary to popular belief, driving in LA made me a more aggressive, better driver. Even though I’m Asian and a woman 🤣

Bey in LA this weekend, anyone???

JK, I think we settled on the Padres game this Saturday ⚾ Or we can pretend we’re 21 again at El Dorado one last time. We used to go there for drinks, and I’d wake up the next morning with a half eaten burrito next to my face LOL. I used to be fun 😅

I sent this video to Jessie because she has chickens, and I’ve been laughing for 100 years 🤣

I wasn’t planning on seeing Beyoncé this weekend. I only brought my Original Berf and Michael Myers shirts 😂 (I obviously wasn’t planning on meeting the love of my life, either). Do I need to go shopping???

What, your friends don’t send you pics of their husbands? 🤣

Also, you can always count on Christine for the two finger zoom in LOL.

My friends are the best 🙃 Most of my responses have been redacted to keep up the illusion that I’m a nice person 😅

Everybody’s like
“He’s no item”
“Please don’t like ’em”
“He don’t wife ’em”
“He one nights ’em”

Cedrik Lorenzen videos and cackles at dinner with the girls last night ♥️

I gotta stop hanging out with my friends’ husbands LOL.

Can someone go to my apartment and make sure there’s no mold growing in my portable A/C unit? 😅

me: Are the fries at The Counter skinny or big?
Dennis: They’re skinny like you.
me: Skinny fries are my favorite! Okay I’m not gonna go to dinner with you guys when we get to Vegas. It’ll be after 9pm and I’ll be sleeping LOL. I’m just gonna grab something at the airport.
Dennis: I lied before. The Counter’s fries are big. Now you have to eat dinner with us!
me: Joke’s on you. I like ALL fries!

I love a good french fry, and Eater came out with The Top 10 French Fries in LA. I’ve been to 3/10 of those places (Majordomo, République, and Father’s Office). Anyone want to eat some french fries with me???

#TBT to that time I almost got into a fight at a Padres game (last weekend).

We had good seats in Section 110, but spent most of the time in the lawn area, partly because Shi was there with the kids, but mostly because it was near Hodad’s and the theme giveaway line.

Our tickets were $100+ each and parking was $55! Is this how much it costs to go to a game now??? I sound like my dad LOL. He was just saying he remembers when basketball playoff floor seats were only $500. When??? 40 years ago when the Clippers were a San Diego team? 🤣

They’re building the Clippers a new stadium in Inglewood, down the street from where I paid $60 for parking for Dua Lipa last year (then I paid an extra $10 for a locker because my purse was too big!). It’s less than 20 minutes away from my apartment, but I’m not gambling with rideshare prices.

Sometimes I have to remind myself, “You’re in your forties now. You need to calm the fuck down.” 😅 I think I got my fire from my mom’s side. When I was a little kid, my mom and her sisters got into a fight with these girls at Potomac Park because they wouldn’t let my grandma use the water fountain. I just remember them ripping the braids out of the girls’ heads and taking their watches LOL. They were in their twenties back then, but they’re just as fiesty in their sixties now. Don’t mess with the Cuevas girls!

We paid our respects at Jocelyn’s mom’s viewing tonight. No one wore booty shorts (@ Glen Abbey)

Hopefully the señorita bread we brought made up for us not voting for her for homecoming queen 20-something years ago. It felt like high school all over again (I’m still hanging out with the same girls and I had a carne asada burrito for dinner LOL).

My parents are dog sitting the goodest boi ever for the next month and they are so excited. The dog, not so much LOL.

I rarely eat rice or pasta now, but I still allow myself the occasional cinnamon roll or cookie. I’m not a psychopath 😅

I need this gummy bear-scented deodorant in my life.

P.S. If you knew me when I was GUMMYI3EAR@aol.com, I’m sorry LOL.

I use this Merriman gif any chance I get because he’s the only jersey I have (I bought it before he choked Tila Tequila and before the Chargers left San Diego, but regrettably not before he got that stupid “Lights Out” tattoo on his forearm).

…or me telling everyone I know about Barbecue Showdown.

Me: Waco? Oh, it’s the 30-year anniversary.
Pammie: What happened in Waco?
Me: What do you mean, ‘What happened in Waco?’ Waco’s only known for one thing!
Pammie: I only know Waco for the Magnolia Silos LOL.

Even if I didn’t love true crime, I’d still know what happened in Waco 🤣

P.S. If you weren’t alive for Waco in 1993, you are much too young for me LOL.

Are you laughing at your own joke???

– Pammie to me as I’m texting Alicia and dying of laughter

When you’re staying at your parents’ house because your sister and her husband are going to Vegas for his birthday.

Never mind that I ran out of underwear, bring my electric pepper grinder LOL.

This article explains so much 🤣

Sidenote: The only place I’ve ever drank water from the tap is when I stayed at the Ace Hotel in Portland. The water from the kitchen faucet was so cold and refreshing. I would never drink the water from the tap from my apartment in LA! LOL. Not even if that shit was Brita’d (I would sooner get a bottled water from the liquor store next door or the gas station across the street!).

I ordered some selenite charging plates because I thought I wasn’t spending enough money on crystals.