I’m officially SAD. I’m at work and all my friends sit far, far away… and to rub more salt into the wound, they all sit NEXT TO each other! It’s 6th grade camp all over again! There were two cabins, so I had a 50/50 chance of being in the same cabin as my buddies, but of course I was assigned to BUCKWHEAT, the OTHER den. Makes me want to work someone else. I’m growing tiresome of taking orders over the phone for things such as gourmet body paint and get-lucky dice. I’ve always wondered why people just don’t order these things online… especially when you can tell they’re embarrassed that they’re ordering such a risqué item! I always seem to get the pervs who want me to read off the sensual fantasies you can play out in our Nights with Eros game. Dirty freaks! I’m not getting paid to get you off. I put some guy on hold and when I came back on the line he asked if that was me singing in the music they play when you’re on hold… Umm, I didn’t know I sounded like five-time Grammy award winner, NORAH JONES. Anyway, these pass couple of days have been strange. On Sunday, I had work most of the day, then went to Ed’s house. He looked different. Taller. I hadn’t seen him in six days. We ate a YUMMY dinner at Jed’s house and I felt all nostalgic kicking it again with the boys I grew up with. Afterwards, we met up with Chris, Scott and Carmina to watch “Kill Bill.” That movie was effin AWESOME. I can’t wait till Volume II comes out. Yesterday, I had no work and no school, so I had lunch with Shell, Joey and the twins at a pho place in Clairemont. I went to Joey’s house afterwards and watched “Finding Nemo” while Munchkin (Shell’s dog) fell asleep on me. He *HEARTS* Auntie Mayan 🙂 He has peed on me twice. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. I wanted to see Ed since it was the only day that I had off from both work and school till THANKSGIVING, but of course… the boys are back from the navy… and who am I to deny him playtime with his boyfriends? I’m tired of working and going to school at the same time. I hope I win the lotto.

So I cut my bangs. The reaction? From me: “OH GOD.” From my sister and Jay: “You look CUTE!” From my mom: (blank stare). Ed hasn’t seen it yet. I haven’t seen him in almost a week! This might be a record haha. Busy lives. I’m iffy about the whole bang thing… Maybe I’m not used to it yet. Maybe I’m not used to having hair in my eyes. In my glasses. On my face. What I’m used to is washing my hair and going. Now I have these bangs to tend to. I’ve had this part in my hair for like.. 20 years. So my bangs are naturally parting where my part is and I have to blow dry them sideways so they don’t do that. Hopefully it won’t take that long to train them to sweep over sideways like I want them to. Maybe I’ll take a picture and show you guys. Maybe. Anyway, this week has been crazy. Working and going to school full-time is harder than I remember it being. I don’t have free time to just hang out. I have to miss parties and dinners and baby showers (Why is everyone having babies around the same time? Did I miss some kind of consummation convention?). Not like I was a social butterfly before this, but the number of social events I’ve been invited to have steadily increased since I started working again. Maybe party-throwers like to invite people who are employed. People who can give nice gifts instead of I.O.U.’s. Haha. Hmm what have I been doing these past few days… It was my mom’s birthday on Friday so we took her and her sisters out to dinner… coincidentally saw BIGDEEZIE there… my sister’s ex… I think he has PAM RADAR (huh, Chris? LOL). ANYWAY. Yesterday, I had work the whole day while my family had dinner and watched the new Matrix movie without me… It’s okay though, because I haven’t even seen the second one. I cut my bangs and then kicked it at Jay’s house with my sister. Jed treated us to dinner at Bennigan’s (THANKS!!!). We haven’t seen him in like a year (welcome home!). He will always be the weirdest boy I know. It’s nice to know he hasn’t changed 🙂 I’ve missed you, FLANDERS. Now I’m on my lunch break at work… not eating lunch. Drinking tons of tea because I’m still sick (going on two weeks now!). Tomorrow I have no school and no work. HODADS, anyone???

I am not: a good driver.
I hurt: when I feel unappreciated.
I love: Bedhead Ed.
I hate: strawberry ice cream.
I fear: dying a terrible death.
I hope: I get accepted into the Graphic Design major at SDSU.
I crave: Coke.
I regret: momentary lapses of judgement.
I cry: when I’m frustrated.
I care: about other people’s feelings.
I always: kick my legs out when I’m walking.
I long: to be worry free.
I feel alone: when Ed is having a boys night out and I’m having a Mayan’s night in.
I listen: to my heart instead of my head.
I hide: when I’m in trouble.
I drive: like I’m blind and drunk with one hand tied behind my back.
I sing: Hoobastank songs at the top of my lungs with Sheena.
I dance: to punk rock in my underwear.
I write: letters to better express myself.
I breathe: through my left nostril only. I’m sick.
I play: with Shell and Joey’s puppies.
I miss: quality time with Shi, Chel, Roxy and my seester.
I search: for my keys on a daily basis.
I learn: something new everyday.
I feel: hungry because I’m working overtime today.
I know: the way to San Jose.
I say: weird things at inappropriate times.
I succeed: at pretending everything’s okay.
I fail: at keeping secrets.
I dream: about weird things… and in every dream I can fly.
I wonder: what planet Ed’s mom is from.
I want: a digicam of my own.
I worry: about my sister’s love life.
I wish: I was more health-conscious.
I have: the best big sister.
I give: and give and give. I’m finally starting to receive…
I fight: with my boyfriend over STUPID shit.
I need: to feel needed.

How was YOUR weekend? Thursday and Friday for me were LOVELY. Yesterday and today were EH. On Thursday, my day just kept getting better and better and BETTER. I was freakishly happy. I didn’t have any rude customers at work. Edgar came and had lunch with me. I found out that Milo Ventimiglia is coming back to Gilmore Girls (yeah, baby!). I half expected my bangs to grow back. My sister said, “That would make this the BEST day for you.” Wouldn’t it though? On Friday, I had another good day at work, I went Christmas shopping (AKA browsing) at Fashion with Ed, Jay and Jed, then we met up with Sheen and Gerald to watch Honey (NOT my choice). It was an ALRIGHT movie. I’m thinking it was decent because I had such LOW expectations for this movie. We only watched it for JESSICA ALBA. If it was anyone else’s movie, I doubt we would’ve seen it. It was an updated version of Breakin’ II: Electric Bugaloo mixed with a little bit of Save the Last Dance. Honey was HELLA predictable and they tried a little too hard to urbanize Jessica, but all you Jessica Alba fans will like this movie regardless. Yesterday, I kicked it with Sheenie and Brad in Mission Beach and today I’m working hard (or hardly working) at Red Envelope.

I’ve been thinking about cutting some bangs for quite some time now… I’m really tired of the way my hair looks, but I don’t want to cut it because I’ve been trying to grow it out since the layered hair debacle of 1999. Right now it’s long (a little below the middle of my back), one length and BORING. I haven’t had bangs since the fifth grade. There are SO many reasons why I *shouldn’t* get bangs (they make you break out on your forehead. They never behave. I’m still scarred from the great bang fiasco of 1989 when my dad tried to give me a haircut and ended up cutting my bangs half an inch from the root. When I’m eventually tired of them and want to grow them out, my hair will be in that ugly “transition” period that’ll be responsible for many nights spent at home)… but there’s one reason I *should* cut them (which overrules all the cons): I’ll look CUTER. Well that’s what Jay and my sister said. Unless they’re plotting to make me look like I got hit with an ugly stick. What to do…

Yesterday I spent some quality time with the boyfriend. We’re both broke after the Vegas trip! GEEZ. I’m living off my credit card for another two weeks. HORRIBLE. We went to Clairemont to eat some pho for lunch (hey ZEE, where’s the pho place in National City???), then headed over to Canes in Mission Beach to get our tickets for the Scratch Tour that night. We drove around killing some time and ended up at Grossmont where we saw more bulldog pups! Ahhhh. I want a puppy dog. We checked out some snowboard gear at Rider’s House. I’m pretty excited to go snowboarding but effin SKERD. I’m not the most athletic person out there. Or the most balanced. I get skerd just going downhill on rollerblades. I don’t know how to surf. Or skateboard… and who could forget the great skateboard crash of 1988 that left my sister with multiple wounds? The only sport I’m good at is BADMINTON. Haha. Don’t knock it till you try it. It’s TOO fun. Afterwards, we picked up Jay at his pizzad fo shizzad and stopped at L&L’s for dinner before heading back to Canes. We were HELLA early, so we just stood outside and watched the X-ecutioners practice their set. I wasn’t planning on going since I’m low on funds (or ends. or skrillahz. or whatever ghetto synonym Jigga Jay has for money!), but Bedhead Ed paid for me (thanks, buttface!). It was $50 for the both of us, so I felt bad since he’s broke also, so I insisted that he just go with Jay and I would go home and watch the WB. Haha… He said he would feel bad if I couldn’t go, and I told him it was really okay because this was HIS thing, not my thing. I didn’t HAVE to go. Then he tells me, “I want you to come, because if I go without you, I’ll just keep thinking about how you’re not there with me.” WTF? Where did that come from? LOL. Edgar NEVER says anything remotely mushy (am I right?). He must have had some kind of stroke or something. Anyway, it was SWEET 🙂 I’m SOOOO glad I went!!! The Scratch Tour was effin DOPE!!! It was Jazzy J, Mixmaster Mike, the X-ecutioners and Z-trip (what happened to Q-bert???). The highlight of the show was Z-trip! Who is this white boy?!? He was effin AWESOME! He mixed hip hop, 80s and rock music! He busted some SUPERSONIC in there along with IRON MAN and I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL. He got the crowd soooo hyped up. If the Scratch Tour comes to your town, you should DEFINITELY check it out.

I’ve never drank so much tea in my life. I’ve been drinking tea nonstop these past couple of days. I was sick the entire week before I went to Vegas, and as soon as I got there Friday night, my hacking cough became hackier, my stuffy nose became stuffier and my voice went from raspy (a la Tara Reid) to nonexistent (think Charlie Chaplin). Whoever’s pulling the strings in my life had to pick the weekend I go on VACATION for me to be sick and miserable. Besides being sick, I had a pretty good time. After losing my driver’s license (not something you’d like to happen the weekend you’re going to VEGAS) and forgetting my ATM card in the ATM machine (thanks for chasing me down, lady! Like Jay would say… “Mayan forgot something? HMM. That’s weird.”), we were on our way. Ed, Chris, Jay and I rolled up in Ed’s car. We hit San Diego traffic, Riverside traffic and Vegas traffic. It took us over seven effin hours to get there. We met up with Shell and Joey in Hesperia (near Barstow). It was FORTY effin degrees out and windy as HELL. I’ve never been so cold in my life. I’m one spoiled San Diegan. Once we got to Vegas, we had dinner at Ed’s cousin’s house. We left for the hotel after that and got settled in our tiny room at the Marriott Residence Inn. The original plan to stay at the penthouse from Ed’s parents’ timeshare was compromised when they informed us that they were too booked and were going to instead book a “very big” room for us at the Marriott. There was nothing “very big” about our room, but who can complain when it was free? No worries. The boys left for the liquor store while Shell and I stayed behind and tried on Jay and Ed’s costumes. Haha. Once the boys came back, Jay changed into his bloody tampon costume and Chris into his neon green pimp suit (pictures will soon be posted!). I just wore my Josie and the Pussycat leopard cat ears from a few years back since it was so last minute. Everyone but Ed started drinking (he gets BAD allergies). I’ve never seen Joey’s face become so red and so swollen. Har har. I guess he gets bad allergies, too. My sister, Gabe and Sheen arrived around three o’clock in the morning. Everyone but Ed, Shell and Joey (they were tired) hit up the Mirage casino around four o’clock. Chris and Gabe were drunk as hell, Jay and Sheen were buzzin, and my sister and I were pretty damn sober. We both felt sick so we didn’t have much to drink. When we say no to Chambord, you KNOW something’s wrong! Gabe let me gamble with his money and I won him $50! His drunk ass gave it to me, but of course I blew it all (plus another $40) on slots the following day. We headed back to the hotel around six in the morning, but not before seeing this couple f*cking in their car at the top level of the parking garage with their headlights on! We would have stayed for the show, but we were all so exhausted from the ride up. Gabe and Chris are loud ass motherf*ckers when they’re drunk! Haha. I think our hotel neighbors were damn pissed about the loudness. Oh, well. The next day we hit up the Bellagio (where we ate at the yummy buffet) and Caesar’s Palace (for some shopping… well, for ME, window shopping). We headed back to the hotel at night so people could take naps and relax for a bit before going out again. My sister and I were the only ones who didn’t fall asleep, so we watched a “Law & Order” marathon (we’re ADDICTED to that shit!). Everyone eventually woke up again and started getting ready to go clubbin at Club Ra at the Luxor. Shell, Joey and I went to New York, New York for some games and gambling since I was still really sick and wasn’t up for partying. I forgot my driver’s license at the hotel (dammit, again?!?) so we went back there, switched cars, and headed back out. Joey treated me and Shell out at this yummy restaurant in Chinatown (thanks, JOEY!). There’s nothing like spicy kung pao chicken to clear my stuffy nostrils. You know you’re in Vegas when a Chinese restaurant is open at 1:30 in the morning. We went to Luxor afterwards to gamble and meet up with everyone. They were all either drunk, exhausted, hungry or a combination of the three. Sheen left with Zeph (who was coincidentally in Vegas at the same time) and we went back to the hotel. Chris kept making me laugh because he is just too damn funny when he’s drunk. We all eventually fell asleep and some woke up the next morning with hangovers, some woke up with an inability to breathe through their left nostril. I was the latter. We had lunch at Ed’s cousin’s house and went back to New York, New York so the others could play games and we could gamble some more. Sheen and Gabe left afterwards, but the rest of us stayed behind to visit the M&M Factory and Coke store (I ♥ COKE!). We took some suggestive pictures with the M&Ms and Ed bought a coke can bank for me to put on my desk at work (thanks, poopoo). We went back to New York, New York afterwards where the boys (sans Joey) had a treatment at the oxygen bar. It was getting late by then, so we headed home around 7:00 p.m. I rode with Joey this time around and couldn’t make it through Willy Wonka without falling asleep. I didn’t even get to see any oompa loompas. We stopped in Barstow to eat at In-N-Out before making our way to Fullerton to drop off my sister and go home to San Diego. Nothing but GOOD TIMES 🙂 This is our third trip to Vegas… Any ideas for our next vacation???

By this time tomorrow, I’ll be in Sin City. Do I sound too much like a tourist? Is that like calling New York the Big Apple? Or Chicago the Windy City? Or the San Onofre Nuclear Power Plant the Dolly Parton Monument? This is the worst time for me to be vacationing because a) I’m SICK and b) I’m in the middle of a menstrual nightmare. It was Sharon’s first day back at work today and I was slightly peeved that they moved her desk far, far away from me. Purposely? Perhaps. It just sucks that NO ONE sits around my cubicle, leaving me to talk to myself like a crazy person (One time, I was in Ed’s bed and he went downstairs and I was thinking to myself, but talking out loud, and this went on for like… five minutes… then I look over at the doorway and Ed’s sitting at the top of the stairs just staring at me and trying to contain his laughter… I felt so retarded!). Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, I got my paycheck at the end of my shift and it was half the size it was supposed to be. Red Envelope somehow forgot to pay me for two of the four days I worked last week. I was really counting on this paycheck to fund my Vegas trip this weekend, too. I was on the phone with Ed and I was just so upset and he was just trying to make me feel better. I don’t like people paying for me. I don’t know. I’m just not used to it. It’s not a pride thing. It just makes me uncomfortable, even if it is my own boyfriend. While I’m on the phone with him, my sister drops a BOMB on me via text messaging: “I’m not going to Vegas.” I get off the phone with Ed and call her ass in Fullerton and she knows that I’m already upset from this f*cked up day that I’ve had, but she has two midterms on Monday and I know how much of a school nerd she is… so I let it go… She calls me half an hour later and tells me that she’s GOING to Vegas now, because she knows that I’ve had a shitty day and this would make me happy. Indeed. She’s the BEST! I unsuccessfully looked for a costume after work (since everyone going to Vegas seems to have a costume all of a sudden!), then went home and was surprised with a visit from Jay and Leah. They wanted me to go out with them for some drinks, but I was just pooped from work and being sick and driving around all day. I’ll take a raincheck, guys! We definitely need to hang out more, Leah… Shell called me afterwards and we talked for like an hour about the insanity that is her MOTHER. I wish I had better words to comfort you, but my mom is normal so I can’t really relate. Haha. This will probably be my last entry before I go to Vegas. I’ll be gone till November! HEHE. I hope all you kids have a safe Halloween 🙂

I’m at work. It’s freaking RAINING (about five days too late). Usually, I LOVE the rain. I love wearing warm clothes and snuggling up with Edgar (Just kidding. We don’t do that shit. LOL)… but I don’t love driving in the rain (I’m a bad enough driver on dry roads)… and I don’t love being sick while it’s raining. I took a phone order from some guy name Jose from Orange, CA and he said I had the “cutest voice ever!” Probably because I’m sick and I sound like a nasal 4-year-old today. I would’ve stayed home from work, but I need the money. I turned my cell phone off, because I don’t really feel like talking to anyone. I just have a case of the blahs. Shoot me an e-mail or send me a note on my chatterbox if you need to. I’ll be on the computer at work the whole day.

I just checked my work E-mail and found a nice little surprise in my mailbox:

From: Carlos Ramon
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2003 2:35 PM
To: Red-San Diego
Subject: Thank you, Marion!!!

Marion took a phone order yesterday from a customer that was so impressed with her that she asked to speak to a supervisor to let us know just how wonderful a job Marion was doing. She said, “She’s fabulous…she was really wonderful, really helpful, really smart, easy to talk to….” Wow!!! Great job, Marion! We all really appreciate it!

YAYE ME. It feels nice to be appreciated (especially after my horrid day at work last week). Anyway, school in SD is cancelled for the rest of the week (which doesn’t really apply to me since I only have classes Monday/Wednesday). Four days have passed and the fires are STILL burning. Unbelievable. You know how the fire started in the first place? Some idiot-hunter-guy was lost, so he made a smoke signal so he could be saved. Someone should’ve told this idiot-hunter-guy that there’s a high enough risk of brushfires during SANTA ANA weather without him starting a brushfire of his own (for those of you non-southern-Californians, Santa Ana weather consists of really strong, really warm, really dry winds). By saving himself, he killed over a dozen people, burned down over 1,500 homes, and closed down schools for an entire week. I remember a few years back when a fire broke out in Alpine because some moron threw their cigarette out of their car window and trapped the East County residents in their homes because the only freeway out of there was on fire. I didn’t think it could get any worse than that. Today, Arlene told us that her close friend’s body was found yesterday burned so badly that the only way they could identify the body was through his dental records. What kind of f*cked up shit is that? Who gets punished for these deaths? These lost homes? I can tell you who ISN’T getting punished! The idiot-hunter-guy! It’s just like that old grandpa who mowed down all those people at a farmer’s market in Santa Monica with his car. He killed 8 people (including a baby) and no charges were pressed against him because he was old. These past few days, all I kept thinking about was how much nature favored disorder, come to find out today that all of these horrible things happened because some guy got lost in the woods. I’ve always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but recent events are diminishing any faith I have left in that belief. I may not be the most religious girl in America, but my prayers go out to all those affected… Today, I spent the entire day with Bedhead Ed. We picked up Arlene and Zell from the airport (welcome home!!!), spent some time at their house, (window) shopped for snowboarding gear, and had dinner at Pat & Oscar’s (thanks, poopoo). We got into a microscopic fight before I left his house, but it all seems so trivial now that I’m watching the news and people are crying in front of what used to be their homes.

San Diego’s still up in flames, so I have no class tomorrow AGAIN. Geez. I feel weird going about my business like everything’s fine. People lost their houses. They lost their cars. They lost everything they owned. They lost their loved ones. I haven’t lost anything but the luxury of breathing clean air. Luckily, nothing has happened to anyone I know yet… I’m glad I’m going out of town this weekend. The ash outside is killing me. In elementary school, I always envied the kids in other cities that had “snow days” and got to stay home from school. Snow days were unheard of in SD. Now we’re going on our third snow day this week, but it’s snowing ashes instead of pretty snowflakes. Gah! Right now I’m at work and I’m cursing myself for wearing a skirt today. I’m freezing! It was DAMN hot yesterday and I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt. I’m all backwards. My critical thinking skills are deteriorating. Blame it on not having to attend school for a week. An hour and a half till I’m off work… I just want to snuggle up on the couch and watch my WB shows 🙂

I had a DAMN good weekend, but I feel bad talking about how much fun I had, because there’s brushfires raging all over San Diego. The air smells like campfire, the skies are brown and the streets of SD look like one big ashtray. I was supposed to go to Desiree’s baby shower today, but she lives in Scripps Ranch and they had to evacuate their homes there. Over 200 houses have burned down and the fires just keep spreading… They closed all but a few freeways. Barely anyone has work or school tomorrow, because either their work burned down or the freeways will still be closed or their houses burned down… The closest fire to me is maybe 20 minutes away, so Spring Valley hasn’t been forced to evacuate their homes. It’s a scary thought. What would I take with me? My 7-year-old cousin, Aimee, had to evacuate her home and the first thing she grabbed was her hamster. I would probably take my photos and letters… they can’t be replaced. Everything else is either replaceable or unimportant. I hope that everyone’s houses are okay… Yesterday, we celebrated Chris’ 22nd birthday. I had SOOO much fun. It’s always fun to kick it with people you knew from back in the day. We all went to Rock Bottom for some dinner and dancing. Chris and my sister were SO f*cked up. Chris is a funny drunk. My sister lets loose when she drinks the Grey Goose! Haha. I’m glad Sheenie came along, because no one gets down on the dance floor like she does! We all chilled at Yardhouse afterwards before heading home. I was DD because I would much rather have everyone have a good time drunk than me. I can have fun without the alcohol (but it’s so much FUNNER *with* the alcohol! Ha). At least I’ll remember what I did the next day (unlike Chris who was driving home from PB and ended up waking up in front of someone’s house in El Cajon!). A good time was had by all. We’re gonna have MORE good times when we go to Vegas this weekend for Halloween! It’s also PAYDAY on Friday. I can’t wait… Last Friday, I had a pretty HORRIBLE day at work… I don’t want to think about it, so I’ll just move on… My sister came down from Fullerton, so we watched “School of Rock” with Ed. It was funny. I like pretty much any movie with kids in it (except “Children of the Corn”). Throw Jack Black in there and you’ve got a winner. On Thursday, I watched Liza on “ER” (she’s the Filipina nurse who kept saying, “Yes, doctor” and “Diniguan” in the ugliest fobulous accent haha. She doesn’t even have an accent in real life which makes it even funnier!). I remember back in the day I was watching “My So-Called Life” and I saw her in one of the bathroom scenes! I was SO into Claire Danes at the time, and I couldn’t believe she got to work with her. Then I saw Liza on an episode of “Gilmore Girls” and I was SHOCKED. “Gilmore Girls” is my *favorite* TV show. If she gets to be on “Will & Grace,” I WILL DIE! Haha. I really look up to her for making it this far. Who knew she’d go from singing at family parties to acting on prime time TV?

Right now I’m on my break at work. With more and more seasonals coming in, I hope I don’t have to share my cubicle with someone. I’m super anal about being organized at my desk. I only use clear thumbtacks. All the papers posted on my walls are perfectly aligned at 90 degree angles. I have my mini photos hanging on my wall and a few framed photos on my desk and my Linkin Park pencil holder cube filled with my own pens and highlighters… In the beginning of this year, I came to work one day and was mortified. Multi-colored thumbtacks held up wrinkled papers aligned at different angles. Scrawled out notes on sticky post-its covered my monitor. Some of my pens were missing. My catalog was missing (and I know it wasn’t my sister again, because she wasn’t working here anymore! Haha… Last year, I came to work and my catalog with my name sharpied on the cover was missing from my desk. I was talking to my sister during my break and I was like, “Yeah, some bitch took my catalog!” and she was all, “Uhhh, it was ME!” LOL). Fortunately, my deskmate was moved to a different cubicle because our schedules overlapped… I finally saw Sharon and Kit today! I haven’t seen them since I left last June. Sharon and I were talking and James was like… “Oh, no… The two of you are together again!” We used to sit in adjoining cubicles near James’ desk and he would hear all of our loud ass conversations. I’ve missed her crazy ass over the summer. It feels good to be back.

Today was my first day back at work. I didn’t fall asleep last night until three in the morning, and I had to wake up at six to get ready. I felt like I was in high school again, because it’s been that long since I’ve had to wake up at 6:00 a.m. and shower. I hate the 8 o’clock shift, because I have to leave an hour early due to a.m. traffic. SUCKIES. Oh well. It’s only for refresher training anyways. My availability will be from 9:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. so I don’t have to get up too early or get out too late. It feels like I never left Red Envelope. I still remember how to do everything. Some things have changed around a little (some supervisors quit… some people got promoted to supervisors… some desks were moved around)… but all in all it still feels the same. It even SMELLS the same. Isn’t it weird how places have their own unique smell? Like friends’ houses… or TARGET. Every target smells the same. I always wondered if they had some kind of Target air freshener so my house could smell like Target, too… After work, I had lunch with Ed at L&L’s (YUM), then I went home and had a hard time staying awake. I fell asleep around 3 o’clock, didn’t wake up till about an hour ago, and now I have a massive headache. Chel, Sheenie, Joey and Shell… Sorry I missed your calls. I was taking an extended nap! I don’t want to bother you guys so late, so give me a call tomorrow if you need to. I have classes all day and work in between, so you’re gonna have to catch me. HMM. Just leave a message and I’ll get back to you somehow… (Never mind, Chel, I just got off the phone with you! Hang in there… “Everything is okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.”) I just heard that they did a study on bowls of breathmints that restaurants provide, and people who use the restroom and don’t wash their hands after urinating stick their filthy germ-infested fingers into the bowl and take breathmints. Traces of urine were found on the mints, so you’re basically sucking on URINE mints… and it’s not YOUR urine, either. Your pee, someone else’s pee… It’s gross no matter what. I’m like the GERMaphobic QUEEN so you won’t see me taking any after dinner mints at restaurants anymore. BLEH. Wash your hands, you filthy mcnasties!

Last night we celebrated Raechel’s 22nd birthday. She was stressing out because she was worried that no one was having a good time, but she stopped worrying after the girls bought her a round of drinks haha. We ate dinner at her house in PQ first (Pat & Oscar’s! No one touched the salad, though. We didn’t want to DIE). We played pin the tail on the donkey for a lovely CASH PRIZE. In the end, it was between me and Daniel, so we had to do rock, paper, scissors for it. Haha. I lost of course (I’m not athletic). Oh well, he deserved it since he came all the way down from the LBC. We had some pre-fade action at Chel’s house with Chambord Sours and Courvoisier shots. I half expected Busta Rhymes to show up. Courvoisier is NASTY. I’ll stick to b*tch drinks, THANKSSSS. We hit up PB Bar & Grill afterwards. I only had one drink there. For some reason, I wasn’t up for partying last night. I just wanted to chill. The girls had a LOT to drink and they hit up the dance floor, but I stayed with Ed on the patio. He was tired from work and his allergies were acting up because everyone around us was smoking. He’s always tired because he works too much, and he always has allergies because if it isn’t his pops smoking at home, it’s someone else smoking wherever else we’re at. Poor kid. When we left PB, it was almost closing time and Chel’s boyfriend, Antho, was passed out in the patio… “Beer before liquor makes you sick quicker.” You said it, Antho. Haha. My sister and I stayed up till 4:30 in the morning watching the season one DVD of Will & Grace. That shit is HILARIOUS. My sister woke me up butt-early in the morning. She talked to the girls and found out that Roxy hooked up with some guy (already? HEHE)… and there was some DRAMA after we left… Chel, don’t stress okay 🙂 Do what makes you happy. On Friday, we all went to TGI Fridays for Bobet’s 23rd birthday. Ed and I went to Meehchelle’s house afterwards and watched BOONDOCK SAINTS, my new favorite movie. I had a pretty chill weekend. Right now I’m at Ed’s house and he’s sleeping. This scenario seems all too familiar… SOMEONE’S a workaholic. I start working again on Tuesday, so I won’t be updating this site as often… Who am I kidding? I’m on the internet at work so you KNOW I’m gonna be on this shit everyday!

Last night I had a craving for chocolate parfait nips haha. Normally, I’d go to Albertson’s to pick some up, but I wanted to avoid the 50+ grocery strikers picketing in front of the supermarket near my house. Just driving through the crowd was hard. I was at a stop sign in the parking lot and one of the strikers (some teenager) stood in front of my car holding his sign and started FREAKING my car for a good minute. I was like.. UHH. HI. PLEASE STOP DANCING WITH MY CAR SO I CAN GET SOME GODDAMN NIPS! Haha. I went to Rite Aid instead. If he was doing this to my CAR, who knew what this kid would try to do to me if I got OUT of the car haha. I haven’t been to the grocery store since the strike started… Hey! I’m EMPLOYED again. I didn’t work all summer since I’m not allowed to gross that much money (so I can get tuition assistance). I haven’t worked since JUNE. Geez… I don’t think I remember how to work. Customers? What are those? Ha. Of course I’ll remember that shit. I’ve been there for like two years. I get to work with Sharon again! YAYE! I miss that crazy girl. Too bad Kit got another job working for Chinaberry (you know you wanna work at Red Envelope with me again!). I’m gonna be so busy working and going to school full-time. I like being busy, though. I hate having too much time on my hands. I became SUPER lazy over the summer… Today, I just did my laundry and vegged at home. Tomorrow Ed is going to install the new deck he bought me! No more wack ass deck and CD changer that only works when it feels like it. Haha. This is what Ed told me when he gave me that ghetto CD changer: “Hey, this was TOP OF THE LINE… ten years ago!” LOL. The new deck doesn’t have a CD changer, but at least I won’t have to worry about not putting a CD in the #1 slot because the #1 button on the deck doesn’t work… or not putting a CD in the #5 slot because if it plays, it’ll get stuck… and not being able to see what track number is playing since the backlight stopped working… and so on and so forth haha. Thanks, buttface. 😉

I got a B f*ckin MINUS on my graphic design project. WTF. Mine was voted one of the TOP 3 designs in the class and I got a B f*ckin minus. I worked so damn hard on that stupid logo, too. My teacher told me that I have a “fantastic designing style” but she didn’t like how I didn’t incorporate the beach “vibe” as she had suggested (since it’s a burger joint at the BEACH). She didn’t like how I barely changed the logo from the original design I drafted. It’s not my fault that it doesn’t take me 50 billion tries to make a damn good logo! When our logos got critiqued, my classmate Josette said that she wouldn’t change a thing on my logo. Nobody gave me any negative criticism, and I was happy with the way it looked. My teacher says that I can do better. WTF. I know she’s saying that I’m not working up to my full potential. Some people had some really crappy logos, and just because they submitted x amount of different layouts, they got A’s on their projects. That’s bullshit! They all got suggestions from other classmates on how they could improve their logo, but they didn’t tell me to change anything on mine. What else could I have incorporated into that logo? PLEASE INFORM ME, MRS. GRAPHIC DESIGN EXPERT! There was no set amount of layouts we were supposed to turn in, so I think I was unfairly docked a shitload of points! After I got my packet back and saw my grade, I was in a pretty crummy mood. I gave my teacher the old stink eye throughout the remainder of the class, but I doubt she noticed. She was too preoccupied plotting to fail me.

My sleeping pattern resembles that of a graveyard shift employee… except I don’t work the graveyard shift. I don’t work PERIOD. I can’t sleep at a decent hour, because I wake up so late in the afternoon. The only time I wake up before noon is when I’m FORCED to (i.e. on Mondays and Wednesdays because I have school). Otherwise, I sleep no earlier than three in the morning, and I wake up around one, two, or three in the afternoon. At first I thought it was insomnia… but insomnia is characterized as an inability to sleep. I don’t have trouble sleeping. Once I fall asleep, I stay asleep for like ten hours. It’s falling asleep that I have a problem with… and it’s because I wake up hella late… and I wake up hella late because I sleep hella late… it’s a vicious cycle. I wake up around 7:30 on school days. Sheena told me that I should set my alarm to wake up at 7:30 (JED time!) every morning (no matter what time I end up falling asleep), so I’ll get used to getting up early on a regular basis. I told her she’s smoking crack if she thinks I’m gonna wake up that early when I don’t have to… but I suppose it’ll help me go back to a semi-normal sleeping pattern so I’ll try it… but if you see up that early on a non-school day and I’m one cranky b*tch, then you know who to blame 🙂 Anyway, let me tell you about my weekend. As all of you Sh*tular (a.k.a Cingular) customers are aware of, Sh*tular’s service was down the entire second half of Saturday. WACK. We couldn’t receive/make outgoing calls or send/receive text messages. I needed to contact Michelle and Edgar, because we were supposed to go to the Tsunami Bomb show that night. Unfortunately, we ALL have Sh*tular so we couldn’t get a hold of each other. Ed was at work and I didn’t know Michelle’s new house number since she moved down south. It was less than half an hour till the show was supposed to start and Michelle had all of our tickets and Ed wasn’t home yet. Luckily, I was still at home when Michelle called and we finally arranged to meet up and take one car. You don’t realize how much you depend on your cell phone until your provider decides to screw you in the butt and take away your night and weekend minutes. EAT MY BUTT, CINGULAR. I want to switch services. I’ve had this service provider for too damn long… since my Allstate days! Damn… At least three years now. Please help me decide which company to switch to by participating in my random poll at the bottom of this page. Thanks! Anyway, the Tsunami Bomb show was the shizneeto BAM. I want to *be* Agent M. They didn’t perform two of my faves (“Lemonade” and “Mushy Love Song”), but they ROCKED nonetheless. During their FIRST song, some kid chucked his FULL bottled water onto the stage and hit Agent M in the head! She took it like a champ, though. Geez. Rude ass motherf*ckers. If I were Tsunami Bomb, I’d stop after the song and say, “I hope you kids enjoyed the show because it’s OVER, punks!” This dope band called Strike Anywhere opened for them. If you like Rage Against the Machine, you should definitely check them out. It was my first show at Soma and I’m not too fond of that venue. I’d much rather see a show at Canes. Soma is like a warehouse. There’s no ventilation. The sound quality ranges from alright to poor… especially with the loud punk bands. I lost the hearing in my right ear the whole night. It’s really, really, really LOUD, but you can barely make out what the people are singing or saying, especially if you don’t know the lyrics to their song. It was just a deafening experience. Back to the no ventilation, there were SMELLY kids there. I just tried to make it through the show without passing out from the pubescent fumes. This teenage couple in front of me proceeded to swap spit during most of the show. If it wasn’t the deodorant-free kids that were making me nauseous, it was that couple. I’ll admit, I had my fair share of public make out sessions when I was sixteen, but five years later, that shit only happens behind closed doors. At Soma, there was this HUGE mosh pit… HUGE. I’ve never seen one so big before at any venue I’ve been to. At one point this crowd next to us was shoving us to the side and Ed was getting PISSED. LOL. This guy in particular wouldn’t quit bumping into us, so Ed grabbed him by the neck and we remained untouched for the rest of the show haha. The next show I’m going to is the Saves the Day / Taking Back Sunday show at SOMA again… not happy about the venue, but VERY happy about the bands. It should be mellow yellow, so I doubt we’ll have mosh pit or sound problems. Damn, THREE shows in ONE month? Bedhead Ed is really aiming to please 🙂 Today, he bought me Panda Express and Jamba Juice, so I went to his house instead of vegging at home like I had originally planned. Vu, Tuan, Jay and Beejaye were kickin it there and Sheenie came by later so I could straighten her hair. We just chilled till around midnight, then I headed home. It’s now five in the morning… looks like I won’t be sleeping till after school.

Navy Exchange. Jamba Juice. Homework. Hot pockets. Nap. These are the things my Friday consisted of. This cashier at Grossmont’s Jamba Juice whose name tag read “AsHLeY G” looked EXACTLY like Lizzie McGuire’s best friend with the bangs and everything. I would have taken a picture of her so I could show you guys, but I didn’t want her to think I was a LOSER for knowing what Lizzie McGuire’s best friend looks like. Haha. I noticed her when I first walked in, but Ed pointed it out because he’s apparently an avid fan of Hilary Duff. Ed went to TJ with his Audio Excellence boyfriends (I live less than half an hour away from TJ, and I’ve never been there, nor have I ever had the desire to go there… no matter how appealing they made it look on The O.C.). Sheen went to a BAR (I knew it! Haha). Jay and Beejaye watched a movie. My sister didn’t come down to SD this weekend. It was a lazy day. I just went online and talked to Meehchelle about the Tsunami Bomb show we’re going to tomorrow (f*ck yeah!). She wants to be up front at the show, but I’m a little weary about that. I got THRASHED at the Hoobastank concert when I was up front. I don’t think the Tsunami Bomb fans are quite as rowdy, but we’ll see. I don’t want to get dry humped again. Meehchelle cracks me up! We were talking about how Cursor (or Happy Hour as they once were called) is a “tribute” band, if you will. I heard that they have a show coming up at Soma. I remember watching them perform back in the day at SAMAHAN! Hahaha. All I remembered was that they covered Third Eye Blind songs. Doot-doot-doot. Doot-doo-doot-doo. We were talking about how WE could be in a “tribute” band if we wanted to. I’m so down to go to a karaoke bar and sing in front of strangers. I need some liquid courage, though! Haha. Buy me some Chambord and I’ll be good to go! I’m excited about CHEL’S birthday bash next weekend. I miss those girls. It’s always nice to be around the people you grew up with… Hmm what did I do yesterday? Sheen and I drove around the coast for a while just “following the moon.” That’s what we do when we don’t know where to go, but we don’t want to go home. We ate at CONCHING’S because we were both craving some good old Filipino food. We went back to her house and baked some chocolate chip cookies. I’ve never baked anything from scratch before and now I know why. It’s so much easier to buy the pre-packaged pre-cut frozen Pillsbury cookies than measure ingredients and BLEND things together haha. I got batter all over me and Sheen kept making fun of my ass. We were missing eggs so we had to go to AM/PM and buy some. Sheen made me drive back to her house in her car (to my horror!). Even though I know how to drive a stick-shift (thanks to Gerald), I’m DEATHLY afraid of driving a stick-shift. I can’t relax. I panic. I have an anxiety attack. I’m afraid I’ll crash their car. Or kill someone because I forgot how to stop the car. I barely pause at stop signs, because I’m scared the car will stall on me and the people behind me will honk at me and point at me and laugh at me and I’ll cry and I won’t be able to see the road because my glasses will be fogged up. We got back to her house in one piece, though. I may have burned her clutch a little. Ha. We watched the special edition Lion King movie that Jigga Jay gave her for her birthday and searched for the overrated “SEX” scene where adult Simba plops down on a cliff and the leaves and dust particles float into the air and supposedly spell out “SEX.” “Supposedly” is right. We paused that shit and could barely make out the ALLEGED word. Sheen thought her DVD was broken, because the games were f*cking up on her when she tried to play them the other day, but I played them and they worked. I think Sheen’s head is broken. LOL. That always seems to happen… Something keeps f*cking up on you, and when you tell other people or try to get it fixed, it works all of a sudden. Maybe inanimate objects have a mind of their own.

Yesterday we celebrated Sheenie’s 21st birthday! Finally. I’ve been waiting almost a year for this girl to turn 21 haha. Sheena, Ed, Jay, Gerald, Shell, Jose, Sandy, Brad, Jeni, Sheen’s mom and I ate at T.G.I. Fridays, and then we headed over to P.B. Bar & Grill. I’ve only been there on Thursdays, so there was definitely a different crowd there (like 99.9% white people… ain’t no thang! Sheen’s half Irish. Haha). Shell, Jay, Ed and I got there earlier than the rest of them, so we decided to hit up the dance floor, and Jay busted some moves I’ve never seen before HAHA. There was this Greekish/Chaldean/Mexican-looking guy who was dancing all craaaazy by himself on the top level. At first, people were cheering him on… then people just started making fun of him. It was sad, really. I felt sorry for him. He was in his mid-to-late thirties, went to a club by himself, got ridiculed by youngsters and probably went home to his empty apartment and stray cats. I introduced Shell to the wonders of the CHAMBORD SOUR and I had a few myself. I would have had one or two or SIX more, but all I had left over from dinner was $10. BOO. Ed’s always telling me to slow down. I can’t help but chug those drinks when they taste like Kool Aid (and I ♥ Kool Aid!). Damn, you have to be a baller to get faded on b*tch drinks when they’re $6 each, and you need at least five to f*ck you up. That’s why we should have some pre-fade action BEFORE going clubbin! There’s nothing wrong with drinking at home. Haha. I finally found Sheen after half an hour and she had two Coronas in her hand. This girl drinks beer and belches louder than any guy I know. Like Ed said, “All hell will break loose now that she’s 21.” I won’t have to call her to see where she’s at, because I’ll already know that she’s getting wasted at some bar. I don’t have the money for that kind of lifestyle, but I’ll be your designated driver if you need me, girl! You’re probably a better driver drunk than I am sober, though. HEHE. Anyone will tell you that! Someone PLEASE take her cell phone away so she doesn’t make anymore drunken phone calls to me at two in the morning! Ha.

Anyway, we left PB around midnight and I was disturbed by something someone told me… pretty upset actually. I’ve given it time to digest, so I’m over it now. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong. I don’t use this site as an agent for shit talking. I censor myself A LOT on here. There are many times that I’m hella bothered by certain issues, but I won’t talk about them on here, because I know that a lot of the people who I know personally read this. I know some things that I post will piss off my friends, so some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes I write things clearly out of anger and frustration, and I hope people don’t let these irrational, psychotic moments define me as a person… (especially when I’m talking about relationship issues. Geez. Everyone has drama with their significant other). This is the place where I vent. This is the place where I get it all out so I’m not crying from the frustration of it all. This is MY release. Sometimes the fine line between venting and airing my dirty laundry becomes indistinct. That may bother some people, so I’ll be a little bit more selective about what I post on here, because who knows who’s really reading this shit?

Another Monday. Another loooong day at school. I had a pretty kick back weekend after Roxy’s birthday shindig on Friday. On Saturday, I just stayed home with my family, did my sister’s laundry since she always helps me out and caught up on some homework. My sister and I went to Grossmont for some refreshments that night. I was about to cry, because Jamba Juice’s seasonal Pineappalooza was no longer in season! They replaced it with some Bluetopia shit. I asked the girl if she could still make it, and she did. Cool beans. I almost shed a tear. We went to Ed’s house afterwards to eat dinner since Shell and Joey brought the puppies down. Ed was only there for a little bit since he was helping his Audio Excellence boyfriends prepare the cars at Kenny’s house for the (wacktabulous) show on Sunday. My sister and I just vegged out on Sunday. I finally got the energy to take a shower around 5 o’clock. I decided to stop by the show for a little bit, then go home and go out to dinner with my family for my dad’s birthday. By the time I got to the show, they weren’t selling tickets anymore, and Ed couldn’t get me in because they didn’t have wristbands. I was furious. If there’s anything I hate, it’s wasting gas. I drove all the way down south just to turn around and drive home. Wack. Ed and I got into this HUGE argument on the phone, because I was mad that he didn’t call me to tell me that I couldn’t get in for free, because if I knew that, I *never* would have gone. I’m not gonna pay to see Ed’s car. Kenny’s car. The twins’ car. I see those cars everyday for free. Then he was getting mad because I was getting mad. He wasn’t sure if I was coming since it was getting late already, so he didn’t call. It was just STUPID. My sister called me on my way home and calmed me down a bit. Then I talked to Ed again after that and we were cool again. Ha. It was dumb. Sorry I’ve been so moody, POOPOO. I can never stay mad at Ed. He’s my weakness. I don’t know what it is about him. He’s my special Ed. I love him almost as much as I love sandwiches. ALMOST. This morning between classes, Ed and I went to drop off a baking pan at his grandma’s house and no one was there to receive it. Then we went Costco to pick up some film and it had already been picked up by his parents. What’s going on? We ate some COSTCO pizza (yeah, baby!) and then I went back to school and he went to work. Now I’m home waiting for my next class with absolutely nothing to do… except burn Jay’s CDs… work on The SpecialGuest site… and eat my chicken noodle soup that’s been sitting in the microwave since I got home from school… two hours ago.

I wish I had a camera last night! We went out for Roxy’s birthday and I had SO much fun! I went to The Strip Club downtown for dinner with Shi, Rox, Chel, Antho, Kristine, Edward, Glenn and their friends Eileen and Ginger. That place is f*ckin COOL. It’s a steakhouse where you cook your own steak on the grills that they have set up around the restaurant. Too yummy. Afterwards, we hit up Martini Ranch to get our fade on and shake our butts. I only had one drink, because I had to drive since my sister was getting f*cked up all night on Chambord Sours haha. That drink is DAMN GOOD (thanks, Shi!). Ed met us up at Martini since he went to Buca di Beppo for Q’s dinner (happy birthday, Gerald!). It was definitely a different crowd, since I’ve really only been clubbin in PB. They were playing hip hop when we got there, but soon they went to ooooold school rap and then TECHNO and I *hate* techno music (as you can see in my hate list). Antho showed us his moves and I couldn’t stop laughing. We chilled outside and just caught up with each other’s lives. Chel, Rox, Shi, and my sister are my GIRLS, dude. It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out and it felt like no time had passed since we had last seen each other. Shi and Chel are CRAZY! Ed was like, “Whooooaa, take it down a notch!” Haha. Now he sees where I get my loudness from… and you call *me* “mega?” You obviously haven’t met the Tejidor girls haha. They’re crazy without the alcohol. I’m skerd to see them drunk off their asses! Roxy decided to go to the Rox afterwards, but the rest of us were partied out. We all went our separate ways, and my sister, Ed and I decided to hit up D&B’s for Q’s after-dinner thing. It was almost closing time once we got there, so we just chilled at the bar for a little bit. I met DRUNK ASS GRACE for the first time haha. She’s cool beans. My sister, Beejaye and I went to Jay’s house afterwards and we just talked about STUPID GIRLS (don’t worry about *HER* Beejaye!) and watched the food channel HEHE. A good time was had by all. I love hanging out with old friends 🙂 Oh, I forgot to write about Thursday. We just went to Olive Garden near the Sports Arena for Joey’s birthday. Our waitress, Rose, was the shit. ROSE, YOU ROCK!!! (as if she’ll ever read this, but I’ll still give her props).

Last night I went to the ROONEY show at Canes with Bedhead Ed and had an awesome time! I’ve wanted to see them live for a while now. I missed them at both Lollapalooza and X-Fest. We went in through the 21+ entrance and there was barely anyone there since it was a 16+ show. I started to freak out because ROONEY was sitting in a booth eating dinner. Edgar and I hung out for a while to see if I could work up the nerve to go talk to them, but I was scared and I didn’t want to bother them while they were eating. We sat on the top level where the stairs are so we would have a better view and could take good pictures. We’ve seen shows at Canes before, so we learned that upstairs is the best place to be. Downstairs, your view might be obstructed by some freakishly tall person or some beezie sitting on the ledge in front of you with her chones peeking out of her Forever 21 jeans (remember HER, Rowell? Haha). Palo Alto performed first. The lead singer had an *amazing* voice. He kinda sounded like Bono. The Sounds were next and they had SO much energy. They’re a female-fronted European new wave punk band. ROONEY came on last and they were FUCKING AWESOME! Robert Carmine has tons of energy, too. Their sound is old school like the Beatles and that’s why I like them so much. I can’t wait to see Tsunami Bomb next at Soma 🙂

I feel SO much better. After venting, I went to my graphic design class and had a huge smile on my face because we critiqued our logos today. Everyone thought mine was fucking awesome! There were some REALLY horrible ones, though. We had to pick any local place that isn’t a nationwide chain and create a logo for them. I chose Hodads (a YUMMY burger joint in Ocean Beach). Arlene introduced me to the wonder that is Hodads last year, and Sheen and I go whenever we want some good eats and huge chocolate malts! After school, I was stuck behind this Forerunner the entire drive home and he left his blinker on THE ENTIRE DRIVE HOME. I was so irritated by that little blinking light. I didn’t even notice Jay and Rome driving behind me and we take the same route home! Ha, ha. He called me when he got home because he had read my previous entry. He was like, “Hey, Mayan, are you okay?” and I was like, “Yeah, I’m good,” and he was like, “NO YOU’RE NOT. I SAW YOUR WEBSITE!” Ha, ha. Even though I was really okay by then, his concern for me made me feel pretty good. A few hours later, Jake calls me out of no where to tell me that he saw my senior page in the yearbook for the first time the other day (from over three years ago!) and he thought it was really cool that I put his and Jessica’s pictures in there. Of course I did! Gotta include all the homies, YO. I get sad looking at all those pictures from high school. I always knew I would look back on the tears and laugh, but I never thought I’d look back on the laughs and cry. It’s very true. You don’t realize how good your life is until it’s all gone to shit. I miss my high school friends. We all lead such different lives now. It’s been forever since I’ve seen a lot of them, but I know once we hang out it’ll feel just like old times… and that feels pretty damn good. Change is the devil. I wish some things would stay the same forever… I have TONS of things to look forward to… ROONEY with Ed tomorrow, Joey’s birthday on Thursday, dinner and clubbin’ for Roxy’s birthday on Friday, Ed’s first show on Sunday, Sheen’s birthday next Tuesday, my dad’s birthday next Wednesday… I could go on and on and on. But I won’t. Because I’m sleepy. I’ll let you know how Rooney sounds live next time 🙂

Yesterday, Nikko and Jessica came down from Carson. Ed was gonna tint Nikko’s windows and install his audio shit. Even when my boyfriend has a day off from work (he’s an installer at Audio Excellence), he’s STILL working on cars. Cars, cars, cars. BLEH. It drives me crazy sometimes… makes me want to hammer a nail into my head. I don’t really share his interest in cars. Sure, I’ll go with him to the car shows (especially if he’s in it). I’ll go with him to Qualcomm or Carlsbad when his friends are racing. I’ll go with him all the way up near Santa Barbara to go to Bimmerfest. I’ll go with him to the drift shows in L.A… I just enjoy being with him. I don’t know what it is. I just feel better when he’s near me. Sheen, Jay and I ended up going to La Jolla to visit Sheryll and buy some goodies for our hair from Joey’s salon. I used them today and might I add that my hair looks fabulous right now. Ha, ha. It’s shiny like a pony. We went to Joey’s house afterwards and ate sloppy joes. Mmmmm. We saw Sheryll’s new doggie, Winnie. She’s a mini dachshund and is soooo cute and sooo small. She’s munchkin’s new lady friend and they plan on breeding them in a year or two. I think my sister’s gonna get one of their babies. I would much rather have a bulldog, but it would be cool to have a little wiener dog running around, too. Gerald and Ed met up with us later and I guess they were both exhausted because they fell asleep at Joey’s. So much for hanging out. Right now I’m waiting for Sheen to be done getting her pedicure. I gave myself a pedicure earlier today and it was about damn time. We were gonna hit up Bonita Fest, but Ed works on the street the festival/parade was on and he said it was wacktabulous. I don’t know what we’re gonna do yet, but hopefully it involves alcoholic beverages.

I’m on my funky three hour break between classes right now. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve been to school. I missed the last two days because I’ve been sick. I’m STILL sick. But I only have classes two days a week, so missing two classes is missing a lot… so I went to class today and spread my germs all over Grossmont and Cuyamaca. I’m trying to download a song off of Kazaa so I can make a ringtone for my pal, Zee, but my MOM is downloading like TEN freakin songs (on our slowpoke 56k modem!). Who taught her how to use this thing? Ha. She downloads all these songs and burns CDs and even makes labels for them. I remember the good old days when my dad didn’t even know how to turn on the computer. I don’t think this whole lawsuit deal is freaking my mom out like it should be. She’s the downloading QUEEN. I hope the RIAA isn’t reading this shit. Ha, ha. Anyways, it’s Wednesday and I threw up in the shower again this morning… just like last Wednesday. What’s going on with me throwing up in the shower on Wednesdays? Wack. I *hate* throwing up. I mean, no one LIKES throwing up… but I really hate it. Kinda like I hate strawberry ice cream. BLEH. I don’t think anything’s wrong with me, though (physically I mean. Mentally? Perhaps.). I asked Edgar if he thought I had pneumonia. Usually when I’m sick, I have a stuffy nose and itchy throat. I hardly ever have coughing fits. This time I don’t have a stuffy nose or an itchy throat. I just have this constant headache and I’m coughing up mountains of phlegm (GROSS!). The common symptoms of pneumonia are a cough with phlegm, fever, chills, chest pain and breathlessness… so Ed doesn’t think I have pneumonia. Sheen thinks I have SARS. Pneumonia can be caused by the inhalation of substances into the lungs such as caustic chemicals, food or VOMIT. This all started when I threw up last Wednesday. HMM. I’ll give it another week before I see a doctor. Maybe I’m just scaring myself. When my cousin was getting her bachelors in public health, she always thought she had the diseases she was studying. This girl cracks me up! She was like… “I think I have AIDS! Look at my tongue… look at the bumps! It’s one of the symptoms!” and she was SERIOUS. She is so crazy. Okay it’s time to go back to school again, so I’ll talk to you freaks later.

Bedhead Ed is SICK. Pobresito… I went to Jamba Juice and got him a Coldbuster to bust his cold. I’ve been sick since last Wednesday and I can’t help but feel a little responsible for making him sick, too. I hope I didn’t make Sheen sick. She’s going to KILL me. Haha. So how was YOUR weekend? Mine was alright. On Friday, I hung out with Jigga Jay man. I was supposed to go to his house and eat cold pizza and make a pizookie, but my ass didn’t wake up till three in the afternoon! Being sick makes me SUPER lazy. I normally wake up by at least TWO when I don’t have class 🙂 We ended up going to Seaport to drop off Charlene’s digicam and some lunch. Lucky ass Jay gets unemployment now, so we decided to hit up Fashion and buy something frivolous… like a trucker hat with our names on it. Ha, ha. He just ended up buying something for his friend’s birthday that night. We eventually parted ways so he could get his groove on at PB Bar & Grill and I could have a movie night with Ed and Meehchelle. We watched “Once Upon a Time in Mexico.” It was alright. I think I would’ve liked “Anything Else” better. Maybe it’s because I never watched “Desperado.” Or maybe it’s because Salma Hayek doesn’t turn me on like she turns on Edgar. On Saturday, I went to a family party in Scripps Ranch. I saw pregnant cousins, alcoholic uncles, loud aunties, and gangster cousins. Ha, ha. I saw this girl, Analyn, that my boyfriend used to jock in high school. I was thinking… What the hell is she doing here? Turns out she goes out with my COUSIN. It amazes me how small this world really is. Especially San Diego. Ed normally doesn’t make appearances at my family parties since he’s always working. That would’ve been weird if he was there. Ed went to E Street that night to see A Tribe Called Quest perform. My sister, Raechel, her boyfriend Antho, and I ended up going downtown, also. We were gonna go to PB Bar & Grill since Antho’s never been, but it was getting hella late so we didn’t feel like partying anymore. We just basically walked around downtown and laughed at all the weird ass dancers you could see through the windows at all the clubs. At one point, Raechel turned to me and said, “I guess the FREAKS come out at night over here.” There were definitely some freakishly weird people downtown. We hit up a two-story Starbucks that we had never been to and relaxed for a little bit. Antho commented on their woven lamp motif while Chel and my sister marveled about how great a place it would be to study at. Leave it to them to think about school on a Saturday night! Ha, ha. Ed and Jay were supposed to hang out with us after watching Tribe, but I guess they stayed afterwards and shook what their mamas gave them ’cause they didn’t leave till four in the morning! Shooooot. I wanted him to meet Antho, too. On Sunday, I ate at Panda Palace with Sheen, Ed and Jay (whatchu know about upside down pan fried noodle?). Ed promised me earlier that week that he’d take me out for Chinese food and he actually came through this time. Ha, ha. We rented “Malibu’s Most Wanted” and “All I Want” and watched it at Ed’s house. “Malibu” was HILARIOUS. “All I Want” was WEIRD, but at least Jay got to see Mandy Moore in her bra and panties (score!). Tomorrow it’s back to school. I’m overjoyed. Really.

I just added like SEVEN shows to my calendar for the next month or so. I would love to go to each of these shows but I have no f*ckin money. Ahhh, it’s times like these that I curse THE MAN for limiting my funds. I’m transferring to SDSU next fall, so in order for me to qualify for tuition assistance (from my dad being a retired navy guy), the government says I have to make under $8,700 a year. I’ve already made $6,000 and I only have a few thousand to go. I took a summer hiatus from working so I wouldn’t go over the limit since I plan to work at Red Envelope again starting next month. I wish I could just make tons of money and not worry about tuition assistance… but the government paying my tuition in full is worth missing one or two or FIFTY shows here and there. I know I’m being a brat because there’s how many hundreds of thousands of people who are struggling to pay their way through college… but shit it’s HOOBASTANK. THE USED. TSUNAMI BOMB. ROONEY. Dammit. I feel like I’m in a Catch-22 (ERRR I *hated* that book). SDSU was never an option for me before. I wanted to go to school outside of San Diego. I wanted to experience something new. My sister is going to school in Fullerton (OK bad analogy because she *hates* the O.C. and misses San Diego haha). I wanted to go to school in L.A. or in the bay area… but I know if I went to school outside S.D. I would have to pay my own rent in my own apartment without the help of my parents… I wouldn’t be able to make enough money for rent, but I’d have free money for school. If I worked a lot, I’d have money to pay rent, but I wouldn’t get free tuition. Either way I lose. My sister got full tuition assistance, but she had to take out student loans just to pay her rent because she couldn’t make over $8,700 annually and that doesn’t even cover the rent, let alone groceries and necessities. I don’t want to be indebted to student loans for years to come as soon as I graduate from college. I already had enough credit card debt by the time I hit 19. If I go to State, I can live at home (at times unbearable, but always free). As long as I make under the limit, the government will pay for me to go to college (minus books). SDSU is the PRACTICAL choice… Not the choice I would have made if money wasn’t an issue, but unfortunately it is. I wish I won the lotto. Then I would BUY Hoobastank. The Used. Tsunami Bomb. Rooney. I would go to the college I *want* to go to instead of the one that is the most practical for me. My parents are very adamant about my sister and I realizing that life will not be handed to us on silver platters. If we want something, we have to earn it. They are not paying for us to go to college. They are not paying for us to live in our own apartments or dorms. They are not paying for us to have brand new cars. It’s not like they don’t have the money to pay for these things. We’re supposed to be old enough and responsible enough to know that they won’t always be there to pay for everything. I’m lucky I don’t have to pay for rent in my parents’ house. My sister and I both got jobs once we turned sixteen and we haven’t stopped working since. I’ve never gone more than a few months without having a job. It’s nice to be able to buy yourself things with the money that YOU earned. If you constantly spoil your kids, they’ll never be able to live on their own…

The Kabalarian Philosophers’ analysis of my name was eerily accurate! The personality traits they mentioned were so parallel to my own. Here’s what they had to say about me:

“The name of Marion gives you a clever, quick, analytical mind, but you suffer with a great deal of self-consciousness, lack of confidence, and much aloneness because of misunderstandings. Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity. There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean. It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally. You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood. You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature. Because your feelings run deep, you must guard against the ups and downs, being very inspired one minute, then moody, reserved, and depressed the next. Your reactions to people vary according to how you feel. You tend to be secretive and noncommittal about private matters, yet at times you will talk effusively in order to hide your self-consciousness or to lead others away from personal subjects. You are inspired by encouragement from others, yet suspicious of their intent. You crave affection but seldom find anyone who understands your nature.”

Get YOUR name analyzed at kabalarians.com.

Sheenie and I got hit on tonight. Maybe it was because we’re hot mamas, or maybe it was because it was unusually cold out tonight and our headlights were on. Haha. Some old Mexican guy in the booth next to us at In-N-Out tried talking to Sheen. I didn’t even notice. What I DID notice were his wife and son who later joined him. GROSS. Ed was working late again tonight. Big f*ckin surprise. We had nothing better to do, so we drove around the coast. We went to Moo-Time in Coronado and had some chocolate ice cream. YUM. We drove down Silver Strand and ended up in I.B. where we walked down the pier. Sheenie commented on my mega voice again and said I was scaring all the fish away. I couldn’t stop laughing. I can’t help talking loudly when I get excited. There were a grip of kids there and tons of people fishing. These twenty-somethings on lawn chairs asked if we wanted to sit with them. We just looked at each other and kept walking haha. One of the guys was like, “Come on. We’ll keep you warm.” Sheenie’s hard of hearing sometimes and she thought he said, “Fine then, you f*ckin morons.” LOL. Afterwards, we went to Point Loma to try to find the Real World house. After driving up and down and up and down North Harbor Drive, we finally found it. It’s down this long culdesac on the harbor next to a strip of businesses. There was this big security guard in front of the house, so we didn’t drive all the way down the culdesac, but we were just excited to see the house in person. I still can’t believe the house is in Point Loma. It smells like fish and the airport is down the street so you hear nothing but airplanes flying over your house every five minutes. I’m assuming they picked the area because of the sailing. There’s tons of sailboats. That’s all there is to do out there in Point Loma. After we found the house and our nipples were hard enough to cut glass, we drove back to Ed’s house and Sheenie went home. I stayed at Ed’s for a little bit and then went home. Hopefully I’ll have a more exciting day tomorrow.

So my boyfriend has recently been having a shitload of “boys night outs.” The key word here being BOYS… which means girlfriends are not allowed… and as far as I know, my boyfriend is the only one out of his boys with a girlfriend. One would deduce that these “boys night outs” would be sausage central, right? Oddly enough, everytime my boyfriend goes on a “boys night out” he meets a different GIRL… not some random girl that was coincidentally there at the same time, but a girl that was INVITED to this “boys night out” shindig. WTF. I’m friends with some of those boys (*waves* to Beejaye, Jay and Mike). I, too, would like to go to D&B’s and play games and get drunk. I, too, am old enough to go with them to these 21+ scenes. If my boyfriend was having a “boys night out” and they were going to a club, he still wouldn’t invite me, because “it’s supposed to be a ‘boys night out, Mayan.” That’s his excuse for never inviting me… even though it’s a given that some of the guys will invite other girls. My boyfriend is all about meeting new people and making tons of friends and adding new friendsters. I guess he can’t do that with some girl tagging along claiming to be his girlfriend. You should WANT to spend time with your girlfriend. You should WANT to party with them. Isn’t that the point of having a significant other? Wanting to include them in your activities? I know that when I’m having fun without him, I’m thinking, “I wish he was here so he could have fun with me.” I guess I’m the only person with that mentality. He’s one of my top priorities and I feel like I’m not even in his top ten list of priorities. He feels like it’s okay to let me down (because I’m his girlfriend and I should “understand”), but it’s not okay to let down his friends. Everytime we go somewhere it always has to be with other people. We never spend time with just the two of us (being at his house sleeping on his bed while he uses the computer doesn’t count). We don’t do anything that you wouldn’t do with some random friend of yours. I feel like I’m more of a friend with occasional benefits than a girlfriend. Everytime we go somewhere he sees someone he knows. I usually won’t know them, but he doesn’t bother to introduce me. What the hell is going on here? LOL. I’m laughing on the outside, but really, it’s killing me. After over four years of being together, you shouldn’t stop trying to make your girlfriend happy just because you “have” her already. Whenever we see a couple hugging or kissing he’ll be like “that’s because they’re new.” Just because we’re an “old” couple doesn’t mean that you can’t be affectionate anymore. I don’t see his logic. I love him, but he’s really frustrating me right now.

Kudos to MTV for choosing San Diego as the locale for the next Real World! They started filming last month and the season begins airing in January 2004. Any San Diego native would think that the house would be located in one of SD’s hotspots, but NO. It’s in Point fuckin Loma (it’s the old Blue Crab restaurant located at 4922 North Harbor Drive near the airport). MTV could have picked La Jolla or Downtown or Pacific or Mission Beach. They might as well have picked National City. LOL. Sure, it’s waterfront property, but what exactly is there to DO in Point Loma? Go sailing, you say? Funny you should mention that. I heard that their job is to be crew members aboard Dennis Conner’s America’s Cup sail boat, Stars and Stripes. How typically Californian of them… MTV even built them their own private volleyball court and gave them surfboards. What is this? The OC? Haha. Some of the cast members have already gotten themselves into trouble down here! One girl got arrested for scratching and punching some Marine guy at Moondoggies in PB and another cast member got caught trying to use a fake I.D. by a bouncer at a different bar in PB. LAME!

Here’s a fairly accurate description of my mood right now: They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.” It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You do it though,and the next day regret it, stating over and over… “this is my last time.” You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself…and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something-year-old friends… maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion.

I feel like poo. Last night I went to PB Bar & Grill with Ed, Jay, Jose, Gabe, Mike, and Chris (sausage central, but Juanice and Leah were there with their APhiG sisters. Aww, I’ve missed those girls!). I haven’t drank like that in forever, and now I remember why. I went to bed three hours ago and woke up half an hour ago to throw up my insides. I had a pretty good fucking time, though. I was having drama with my boyfriend, so I went there on a mission to drink away my problems. It was fun until the alcohol wore off. I’ve made a new best friend and her name is Blue Hawaiian. Jose, you owe me an Irish Car Bomb! I think I’ll wait awhile before I drink like that again… give my esophagus some time to recover. PB tomorrow, anyone???

Hoobastank just played a free 4 o’clock Fridays show at Del Mar after the horse races! I didn’t expect them to sing that many songs because this show was technically free, but damn! They sang for like an hour and a half! Edgar, Sheen, Sheryll, Joanne, Framee, Joey, Jose and I got there around 7:00 p.m. and Sheen, Frame and I stood right in front of the stage. The rest of them stayed in the back to avoid the chaos that was the mosh pit. I was a victim of crowd surfing gone bad! I was in the worst possible spot. This guy leaped from the stage and fell on Sheen and me. At one point, some girl kicked me on the side of my face. By the end of the show, I was dehydrated, sweaty, nauseous, bruised, and my hair was ten times bigger than it was when I arrived… but I would do it again in a heartbeat, because hoobastank ROCKED!!! I’ll make a mental note to wear my beat up chucks instead of flip flops the next time I see them (what was I thinking?). I’ve seen them a few times before today, and I love that they still do intimate shows. A few years back when Linkin Park was unknown to MTV and I was their biggest fan EVER, I didn’t end up going to their show at a small local venue and to this day I still regret it, because I know that they will probably never play at a small club ever again. Boo.