Please don’t put gasoline on your baby’s private parts after he gets circumcised π
OK, I can start my day now π
This is like when I first started at my job, and my boss was like, “Show it to Loren, the art director.” And I was like, “Where does she sit?” and she was like, “Loren’s a guy.” And another time, she was like, “Ask Jamie.” And I was like, “Where does she sit?” and she was like, “Jamie’s a guy, too.” And then another time, she was like, “Give it to Deane.” And I was like, “Where does he sit?” and she was like, “Deane’s a girl.” When she told me to show it to Christina, another art director, I was like, “Is Christina a man?!” π God forbid I use the wrong pronoun when addressing you π
I have a flight to Nashville from SD the next morning, so a concert the night before in LA isn’t ideal, but I will rally if I win βπΌ Christine will be my +1, partly because she’s the biggest JT fan I know (she had a JT-themed birthday party when she turned 30 LOL), but mostly because she can drive my ass to LA (my sister will be out of town for work that week).
What in the Indecent Proposal? π«
I was hoping Christine’s husband wouldn’t notice my text talking about how much effort it takes to put a bra on π
Deftones are gonna be at Coachella this year, but as much as I love live music, I think I would hate going to that festival. I remember a group of girls from my work went the year Tame Impala headlined, and I asked how Tame Impala was when they came back, and they were like, “Who???” π People just go to this festival to be seen and wear cute outfits…
My friends’ husbands know entirely too much information about me π
I promised I wouldn’t blog about the rest of our gchat, so I’m just gonna leave this here π
I ask all the important questions!
I got assigned two catalogs this conference season.
BRB crying.
π€
Say hello to my new best friend π
I’d be this happy, too, if I was doing skin-to-skin with Jessie’s husband LOL.
Luckily, we live in a state where IVF is still protected instead of backwards-ass Alabama where the practice is threatened after a recent court ruling (and abortion is also banned!). After Jessie survived breast cancer, her surrogate got pregnant with her and Abe’s very last embryo, so Isaac is truly a miracle baby π₯Ή
Congrats to the new parents!
This rainy weather is domesticating the fuck out of me.
I made some chicken soup, banana nut bread, and even walked on the treadmill while watching the Game Show Network. I donβt even know who I am right now. My mother? Yikes π¬ Someone get me this Rifle Paper Co. x Hedley & Bennett Apron from Anthro to complete the look.
Things I found in my old room at my parents’ house:
My Girl Scouts vest. I would always forget who was hosting the meeting every week, and would have my dad drive me to the wrong house π (Was it Amanda D., Amanda E., or Amanda W.βs house?! JK, my sisterβs troop was the one with all the Amandas). I don’t remember how I got any of these patches, or that chili pepper pin, and I def don’t remember being a junior aide. Is this my sister’s vest? LOL.
My P.E. shirt from high school. I think I was wearing this the last time I did the sit and reach.
Old uniforms. I had a lot of jobs before I became a graphic designer! My dad made me get a job when I was 15, and I’ve been working ever since.
My Hoobastank shirt LOL. I wish I found this before I went to their 20th anniversary show a few months ago!
A magazine from June 2000 with *NSYNC on the cover. I just posted about Justin Timberlake last month. I haven’t changed.
An old checkbook from 2005.
A bar on a weeknight and jello shot accoutrements??? I used to be fun…
Update: I posted my Hoobastank shirt to my IG stories, and Hoobastank liked and reposted it π€©
I’m not worried about where you are
Or who you go home to
I’m just thinkin’ about you
I had tickets to see Harry Styles, but they rescheduled his tour because of covid, and I opted for a refund instead. He played 15 sold-out shows in LA, and I didn’t go to a single one of them. It has been my #4 regret in life ever since (#3 is running into Milo Ventimiglia at an otherwise empty NYC subway station in 2005 and not asking him to father my children. Donβt ask me what the first two areβIβm taking them to my grave!). It’s raining today, so it’s a good time to bust out this album and ruminate over all of my life regrets.
(via @tinydicebuddies)
I’ve tried snowboarding thrice now and each time I somehow did worse than the last π And this was before the stroke, so my balance is way worse now. I’ll just stick to charcuterie boarding, thank yew.
My parents are dogsitting this stage 5 clinger this weekend.
They’re opening a Common Theory within walking distance to my sister’s house. I was wondering what they were gonna put in this space, because we saw them wheeling in commercial stainless steel tanks one day on our walk. It’s right next to David’s condo (David is this asshole dog that barks at me whenever I walk by his balcony. IDK his real name, but I call him “David” after David Bogdanov, a convicted murderer I watched a docu of on ID who fled to Ukraine after he killed someone (the dog’s pawrents had a Ukrainian flag on their balcony LOL). Anyway, now I can get my steps in before drinking my weight in beer π»
Update: My sister walked by Common Theory to see if it was open and David was on his balcony wearing a pink ass collar. He might be a she! My whole life is a lie.
I hate exercising, but Iβm competitive as fuck. I once won a Survivor pool without watching a single episode and almost won a March Madness pool at my work (I had the #1 bracket up until I lost the final game) even though the boys had to explain to me what a seed was π I’ve also joined and won several biggest loser challenges (the only thing I lose is pounds!). Anyway, when Chel suggested we keep ourselves accountable by tracking each otherβs daily steps using the Nike Run Club App, I was wary at first. My mom and sister already follow my blood glucose monitor readings (they granted themselves access while I was sick, I would never allow such an invasion of privacy otherwise), so they get notified if itβs too high and hassle me about what Iβm eating. Iβm just like, this ainβt social media. Stop following me! Let me eat this Crumbl cookie in peace π
My sister and her husband are in Vegas, so I’m at my parents’ house on squirrel watch π
I doordashed a pizza for dinner, and I got it with no mushrooms (even though I love mushrooms), because it flares up my sister’s husband’s gout and I’m thoughtful as fuck.
I’m reminded of the time one of my ex’s and I broke up, but we still had mutual friends and he was dating someone new. We were at dinner and he was sitting across from me with his new girlfriend, and as if it wasn’t awkward enough, he proceeded to eat mushrooms off of my plate without even asking while his new girlfriend and I looked on in horror. They’re both married now (to other people!), but I still think about that mushroom moment every now and again. He wasn’t thoughtful as fuck like I am π
We could never be friends if you don’t laugh at my jokes π
(via @heyshantaq)
My friend dm’d me this today, and this is me as fuck. The effort it takes to put on a bra, walk down four flights of stairs to the garage, and then wait half an hour in the drive-thru line is well worth the additional $84.61.
Our design director was checking in on presentations, and my coworker (whose name has been redacted in case he ever stumbles upon this blog) said he was sending his “monetarily” and I’ve been laughing for a million years. Is he sending money with his comps? πΈ
I don’t know him like that, so I didn’t say anything snarky to him, but I forwarded it to my other coworker and was like, “Did you see this shit?!” π€£
Three things you should know about me:
- I nerd hard over the TV show The Rookie.
- I throw a mean watch party.
- I will use any excuse to make a charcuterie board.
The 100th episode of The Rookie airs tonight, and my charcuterie and I are ready. Here’s some snaps from my last watch party (The Rookie has a relatively small fanbase, but I promise there was at least one other person at this party LOL):
The cheese letters are extra, but so am I β¨
π€
He’s so tall and handsome as hell
He’s so bad, but he does it so well
And when we’ve had our very last kiss
My last request is
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress
Staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again
Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams
It’s two in the morning
I don’t need nobody else But you’re my tragedy
Young the Giant is always a good idea.
Rolling in hella deep, headed to the mezzanine
Dressed in all pink ‘cept my gator shoes, those are green Draped in a leopard mink, girl standing next to me Probably shoulda washed this, smells like R. Kelly’s sheets (piss) But shit, it was 99 cents
Macklemore was surprisingly entertaining and brought attention to what’s happening in Gaza.
I will not ask you where you came fromI will not ask, and neither should youHoney, just put your sweet lips on my lipsWe should just kiss like real people do
And it’s worth it, it’s divine
I have this some of the time
I forgot that I put this place on my list because the pastry chef at this restaurant was recently nominated for a James Beard Award, and I ended up ordering a mimosa and steak and eggs π (@ Valentine)
I dropped this oatmeal whoopie pie and I had to keep explaining that the stains all over my leggings were whoopie pie cream and not some other white stuff π (@ A Flour Shop)
Holy pierogi (@ All Pierogi Kitchen)
I’ve had Polish sausage before (I’ve also had kielbasa LOL), but I’ve never had any other Polish food. It was sooo good! I highly recommend the cheddar and jalapeΓ±o pierogi. I thought it was gonna be “white people spicy,” but it actually had some heat! π
This Ikeβs was within walking distance to our hotel. Thereβs an Ikeβs up the street from my apartment in LA, and one in SD, but their βGoing Home for Thanksgivingβ sandwich on dutch crunch bread will change your life (@ Ikeβs Love & Sandwiches)
At night I cry and howl at the moon
The world I love, the tears I drop
To be part of the wave, can’t stop Ever wonder if it’s all for you?
And I thought my festival ‘fit was fire π (@ Innings Festival)
The ice machines were down at the airport this morning, so they couldn’t serve iced coffee anywhere. I had to pick up some overpriced bottled bullshit from Hudson News. Then I got the window seat in an aisle with no window on our flight LOL. Hopefully the rest of my weekend goes smoother π
I’ve always heard that “heaven is a place where all the dogs you have ever loved run to greet you.” IDK if that’s true or if I’m even headed to heaven LOL, but it’s a nice thought. Today, my aunt put her last pup down. I looked after her when her moms went on vacation, and she was the sweetest girl.
I hope she’s in doggy heaven playing with Rocky and Myko in the matching Baja Ponchos I got them for Christmas π₯Ή
I received the sweetest gift from my dear friend, Heather.
It came at the perfect time, because I had just gotten an email with our presentation assignments due by next week and a blackout period where we can’t request any time off at work. I was hoping presentations and catalogs were canceled because we’re usually blacked out on the calendar by this time, and I even got approved for time off next month for Nashville.
Plus I had a pretty shitty day today. They refilled my prescription at the wrong CVS by my parentsβ house instead of my usual one near my sisterβs, so my parents had to pick it up for me since my sister had to go into the office today. Since they were here, I had them drive me to the bank. I was originally planning to take an uber, because I donβt like asking anyone for help. I donβt have a house key, because I donβt drive yet so I donβt go anywhere without my sister. So I just ran out the garage door as it was closing. When I got back from the bank, I kept ringing the doorbell and my mom called my sisterβs husband fifteen times, but he was taking a nap, so he didn’t answer the door or his phone. My parents just brought me back to their house, and my sister had to pick me up when she got off work that night. Then I had to work some more when I got home, because my project manager was asking for a bunch of shit, but I didnβt have my computer with me. I havenβt even started my presentation yet, and I was hoping to have comps done before my flight tomorrow morning.
I’m about to take a bath with this lavender/chamomile/vanilla shower steamer and light this chai latte candle so I can fucking relax π€ͺ
Thank you, friend! π
(via shawnaprotzman)
Iβm the gutter child π
My sisterβs husband often asks, βHow were you two raised in the same household?β I am who I am Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
I think I like this little life
Rainy day tunes π§οΈ
I saw this video on instagram and had to try it with my plant-based spam. It was sooo good and a healthier alternative to my favorite Sausage Mcmuffin with Egg from Mcdonald’s. Even my sister’s husband (who loves spam and SMEs) thought it was good! The highest of compliments! π
I made some spaghetti squash casserole and roasted vegetables to try to eat healthy this week in preparation for all the bad decisions I’m gonna be making in Phoenix this weekend. And Nashville next month. And Spain soon after that π
Chel is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and one of her sons was all like, “Please pray for all the hurt people on the plane.” And Chel was like, “What plane???” And he was like, “The plane we’re taking to Hawaii.” π³ He’s always had a sixth sense about things. He sees his grandma all the time who used to live in that house and died long before he was born. This kid both amuses and terrifies me π
Sending all the positive energy their way for safe travels β¨
Rise and grind (@ Mission Bay Beach Club)
Shi just wanted to go hiking and have some kid-free QT for her birthday. I would only get up this buttcrack early on a Sunday and exercise for this girl β€οΈ
Actual footage of me waking up before the sun this morning:
And me in the car while Christine drove my sleepy ass:
Thanks to Shi for picking a relatively easy hike that was mostly flat and paved and being so mindful of my fall risk status π I actually loved this little walk around the bay, and we all have birthdays in the winter, so I wouldn’t mind doing this again during the cooler months! They also do yoga on Sundays, so I’ll have to try that one of these weekends.
Sidenote: This girl ran past me on the trail and she was like, “Behind!” I moved over and wanted to say, “Yes, chef,” but I didn’t think she’d get the reference π
This Lloyd Wright stunner is closing π
It’s a gorgeous glass chapel nestled on a cliff in Palos Verdes, and more importantly, it’s where Julie and Caleb got married on The O.C. π
I was lucky enough to visit this gem in 2016. Sadly, 8 years later, I’m still unmarried and without child (they do baptisms here, too).
I doordashed Korean short ribs to grill from H Mart on Super Bowl Sunday, but the dasher accidentally got me bulgogi instead. Doordash refunded me $90 for the incorrect item, and I got to keep 6 pounds of bulgogi for free! Usually I love free meat LOL, but I’ve been eating bulgogi tacos (Kogi-style) on carb balance tortillas for days now, and dis tew much π I gave Christine 4 pounds of bulgogi and she just dropped off Nothing Bundt Cakes. My sisterβs husband looked in the bag and was like, βThese arenβt beef βnβ cheddars.β π I love this little food exchange weβve got going on. So far, we’ve traded sinigang, zuppa toscana, fusilli alla vodka, Greek pearl couscous salad, Dunkin’ Donuts, Arby’s and now bulgogi and Nothing Bundt Cakes! Have I mentioned how much I love living so close to the Lansangs??? β€οΈ
Friyay vibes βπΌ
My parents are going to Portugal and Spain this Summer, and Spain is on my fuck it bucket list, so I invited myself π I jokingly said I’d only go if we fly first class, so my dad has been looking into it. The difference between my dad and me is that he’ll do anything to save a buck (like book his flight through a cheap travel agency that makes it impossible to deal directly with the airline when you need to make changes, whereas I will always pay extra to not have to deal with any of that). He’s been sending me flight itineraries to see if they’re legit, and one google search revealed they were a big ol’ scam. Needless to say, I’ll be booking our flights for this trip π
The other day, one of the directors who works in the office messaged me on teams saying he had something for me asking where he should mail it. I thought it might be my 10-year work anniversary pin, (even though my 11-year anniversary just passed last month) or maybe a termination letter (even though I just got a raise and bonus π ), but HR has my apartment in LA listed as my mailing address, and they would normally be the ones sending things of that nature, so I didnβt think it was HR-related. He was being really cryptic about it, so I had no idea what it was. It’s all my white puffer jacket that I left in the drawer of my old office. JK, Andy, who sits in my old office probably wears it. It’s a women’s jacket, but he’s v petite π€£
This is like the time at my old job when they announced a mandatory meeting and we were going crazy wondering what it was aboutβWere they laying people off? Did they find out that my coworker Jesse drank that unclaimed Red Bull in the fridge? Were my yoga pants too casual for Casual Friday??? It turns out the meeting was a break from work where we got to play Taboo, and we won so the customer service team had to make us coffee for a week!
Hopefully it’s something good! I’ll keep you posted…
Update: I got it, and it was just a certificate congratulating me on 11 years with Skechers and a voucher for a free pair of shoes π HR must’ve interofficed it to the advertising department thinking I worked in the offiice. No old coworker’s heads here!
Missed opportunity to blow out my back π€£
My worlds colliding β₯οΈ
I should probably take down this post, but only a couple people still read this blog (hi, Shirley May!), so I’ll keep it up for posterity’s sake. And so I have receipts when I say, “Remember when you said ‘so and so’ on February 14, 2024?” π€£
My funny valentines β€οΈ
Love, love, love that the Lansangs live close enough to bring me a beer and beef ‘n’ cheddar for dinner!
Yep, we’re eating our feelings today π
Life’s hard enough. Eat the heart-shaped donuts β€οΈπ€
Also, I washed down my prozac with an iced coffee from Mcdonaldβs this morning, and Iβm ready to start my day π
Educating my project manager about botox and fuck boys π
I’m only here for this spread.
And this spreadsheet.
And maybe Usher.
I won $200, so I doordashed us all some celebratory ice cream!
Birria taco bar, tostilocos bar, and open bar. This is my kind of baby shower π
Me when I babysit children: