When in doubt, blame daylight savings…

(via @grubwithgreg)

A few people sent me this reel of this new BBQ spot in OC. It looks so good, but I haven’t had BBQ since it made me sick in NYC my birthday weekend 😅 I wanted to check Peg Leg Porker off my BBQ Bucket List in Nashville next weekend, but I don’t want to ruin the trip by getting sick again…

A few people also sent me this reel of this Corgi Cafe in the Philippines. Do my friends know me or what??? Also, I need that corgi butt bread.

As I was getting ready to go out today, I was like, “Michael Myers or Horror Movies?” Pammie’s like, “Are those my only options?” 😆

IDK why I’m single when I have such a great rack t-shirt collection.

Pammie was telling me about some up and coming young NBA player who knocked up some video vixen from Basketball Wives LA twice his age who already has two kids with two different baby daddies, and her oldest son is the same age as her current boyfriend.

I googled her, and was like, “She looks puffy. She should get a lymphatic massage.” And Pammie was like, “She needs to do some gua sha.” LOL we’re haters 😆

When we were in Arizona, Pammie was doing her gua sha routine at the hotel, and I was telling her about this video I watched of Dove Cameron’s skincare routine where she does gua sha, but I was so high, I forgot why I was talking about Dove Cameron’s skincare routine halfway through my story, so I stopped and was like, “Why am I talking about Dove Cameron again?” 🤣

Phoenix TSA confiscated her rosehip oil that she does gua sha with, because they said it was over the liquid limit. They even tested my mucuna powder, because they thought I was trying to sneak some cocaine on the plane. I’m like uhhh, don’t check the rest of my luggage, that’s where the real drugs are 😅

Update: Donna, who’s obsessed with K-dramas and BTS, says she would totally get with Jungkook (BTS’ youngest member), but he’s only a year older than her son. I’m like, “What about the fact that you’re married?” 🤣

Lately, I’ve been inundated with people asking for help for their kids’ fundraisers. Jog-a-thons? Gift wrap?? Cookie dough??? I’m about to create a gofundme so these same people can help fund my upcoming vacations for all I’ve donated 😅

Joke’s on you—I’m off this Friday 😜

I can’t even look at Jack Black without thinking of my friend, Jay 🤣

Extreme is playing the Ryman in Nashville next weekend when I’ll be there LOL. I’d rather see Jack Black doing covers…

Deftones are playing a music festival in Spain when I’ll be there, but I’ll be 8 hours away from Barcelona that day. I don’t think I’ll be able to swing it, but I love going to concerts when I’m traveling 🖤

Donna was a bad influence on me when we were kids, and it looks like she’ll still be a bad influence in the afterlife! Ha. If my sister and I were running late to class in high school, we’d skip first period and hang out at Donna’s apartment instead (I have never once gone to lockout. I guess this is why when I was late for work when I used to work in the office, I would text Nori, “What do you want from Coffee Bean?” 😅 What’s a few more minutes if I’m already late…). Donna dared me to jump off a cliff into the kids’ pool at the resort we were staying at a few years ago in Hawaii. She jumped first, but she’s also a foot shorter than me! I’m pretty sure my tailbone is still at the bottom of the keiki pool, you guys.

When I die, I just need someone to clear my browser history and play Young the Giant at my funeral.

• Lost Farm Watermelon Gelato Live Resin Fruit Chews
• See’s Candies Dark Mint Scotchmallows
• Jameson Irish Whiskey
• Girl Scout Thin Mints Cookies
• St. Patrick’s Day Chocolate Candy Variety Pack
• Andes Creme De Menthe Thins
• Tootsie Caramel Apple Pops
• Furikake Chex Mix

Who needs luck with all this charm? Just kidding (give me all the luck!).

Since I know Donna loves chocolate (so much so that she had ‘HERSHEY’ emblazoned on the back of her dance sweater in middle school, while my sister had ‘BABY LONELINESS’ LOL. I wasn’t in dance—I was still traumatized from the time I played the glow-worm in our class production of James and the Giant Peach in the second grade and had to wear a turquoise leotard in front of the whole school and pretend light was coming out of my butt), and I’m seeing her next weekend (she’s meeting us in Nashville), I made a St. Patrick’s Day goodie bag for her 💚

…in case anyone else didn’t know what ‘PAWG’ stood for.

This tracks. I used to drive down from LA to SD, and every time I’d fill up at the gas station before heading down, I’d pick up a Ham and Swiss Lunchable (plus a bag of Hot Fries and an Arizona Green Tea. And if I had any cash on me, a Powerball lottery ticket). I hate pumping gas (I always wait till the fuel gauge hits “0 miles” before filling up), but I love gas station food LOL. We stopped at the gas station to fill up before going to my sister’s house from my parents’ house, and I was like, “Do we need snacks?” and she was like, “This ain’t a road trip! It’s a 10-minute drive.” 😅

Last year, we we’re poppin’ bottles, and this year Jessie is poppin’ baby bottles. But I sent her some champagne, so she could still pop some adult bottles.

When Jessie was still looking for a surrogate, I was like, “I’ll carry your baby. You can live in the casita, and my pregnant ass will stay in the main house with your husband.” Needless to say, she went with a surrogate in Bakersfield instead 🤣

Happiest birthday, bb! Also, please don’t talk to me till I’ve had my morning coffee ☕

Since they’re not bringing people around the baby till he’s had all his vaccines, we instacarted her some champagne, sent her balloons from Party City, and are gonna doordash her some lunch later. Last year, we were celebrating her 40th birthday downtown and I was throwing up in the bathroom (it was the first time I drank after the strokes). How quickly things change around here…

I tell myself you don’t mean a thing
And what we got, got no hold on me
But when you’re not there, I just crumble

When I worked in the office, my office was next to my boss’ office. She would hear all the sad music I’d listen to through our shared wall and be like, “Is everything okay?” LOL. Occasionally, she’d pop in to make sure I wasn’t hanging from my mouse cord (just kidding, my mouse was wireless). Since she knew I loved depressing music, she introduced me to this song years ago, and it recently came up on my spotify 🖤

My sister is the smartest person I know, but I had to explain to her what happened in Waco and who Groucho Marx was (not Richard Marx’s brother LMAO).

File under: Shit I will never google.

IDK why my dad has so many batteries. When I need one, I just take it out of my smoke detector 😅 Considering I’ve almost burned down my apartment, I should probably take some of these batteries home…

Feeling under the weather on this rainy day 🌧️

Please don’t put gasoline on your baby’s private parts after he gets circumcised 😅

OK, I can start my day now 😅

Crosses played the Van Buren last night, so I’ve just been watching videos all morning ✌🏼

This is like when I first started at my job, and my boss was like, “Show it to Loren, the art director.” And I was like, “Where does she sit?” and she was like, “Loren’s a guy.” And another time, she was like, “Ask Jamie.” And I was like, “Where does she sit?” and she was like, “Jamie’s a guy, too.” And then another time, she was like, “Give it to Deane.” And I was like, “Where does he sit?” and she was like, “Deane’s a girl.” When she told me to show it to Christina, another art director, I was like, “Is Christina a man?!” 😆 God forbid I use the wrong pronoun when addressing you 😅

I have a flight to Nashville from SD the next morning, so a concert the night before in LA isn’t ideal, but I will rally if I win ✊🏼 Christine will be my +1, partly because she’s the biggest JT fan I know (she had a JT-themed birthday party when she turned 30 LOL), but mostly because she can drive my ass to LA (my sister will be out of town for work that week).

What in the Indecent Proposal? 🫠

I was hoping Christine’s husband wouldn’t notice my text talking about how much effort it takes to put a bra on 😅

Deftones are gonna be at Coachella this year, but as much as I love live music, I think I would hate going to that festival. I remember a group of girls from my work went the year Tame Impala headlined, and I asked how Tame Impala was when they came back, and they were like, “Who???” 🙄 People just go to this festival to be seen and wear cute outfits…

My friends’ husbands know entirely too much information about me 😅

I promised I wouldn’t blog about the rest of our gchat, so I’m just gonna leave this here 😆

I ask all the important questions!

I got assigned two catalogs this conference season.

BRB crying.

OK, France is forgiven for this moment 🇫🇷 🤣

🖤

Say hello to my new best friend 😭

I’d be this happy, too, if I was doing skin-to-skin with Jessie’s husband LOL.

Luckily, we live in a state where IVF is still protected instead of backwards-ass Alabama where the practice is threatened after a recent court ruling (and abortion is also banned!). After Jessie survived breast cancer, her surrogate got pregnant with her and Abe’s very last embryo, so Isaac is truly a miracle baby 🥹

Congrats to the new parents!

Jesus 😳

This rainy weather is domesticating the fuck out of me.

I made some chicken soup, banana nut bread, and even walked on the treadmill while watching the Game Show Network. I don’t even know who I am right now. My mother? Yikes 😬 Someone get me this Rifle Paper Co. x Hedley & Bennett Apron from Anthro to complete the look.

Things I found in my old room at my parents’ house:

My Girl Scouts vest. I would always forget who was hosting the meeting every week, and would have my dad drive me to the wrong house 😅 (Was it Amanda D., Amanda E., or Amanda W.’s house?! JK, my sister’s troop was the one with all the Amandas). I don’t remember how I got any of these patches, or that chili pepper pin, and I def don’t remember being a junior aide. Is this my sister’s vest? LOL.

My P.E. shirt from high school. I think I was wearing this the last time I did the sit and reach.

Old uniforms. I had a lot of jobs before I became a graphic designer! My dad made me get a job when I was 15, and I’ve been working ever since.

My Hoobastank shirt LOL. I wish I found this before I went to their 20th anniversary show a few months ago!

A magazine from June 2000 with *NSYNC on the cover. I just posted about Justin Timberlake last month. I haven’t changed.

An old checkbook from 2005.

A bar on a weeknight and jello shot accoutrements??? I used to be fun…

Update: I posted my Hoobastank shirt to my IG stories, and Hoobastank liked and reposted it 🤩

I’m not worried about where you are
Or who you go home to
I’m just thinkin’ about you

I had tickets to see Harry Styles, but they rescheduled his tour because of covid, and I opted for a refund instead. He played 15 sold-out shows in LA, and I didn’t go to a single one of them. It has been my #4 regret in life ever since (#3 is running into Milo Ventimiglia at an otherwise empty NYC subway station in 2005 and not asking him to father my children. Don’t ask me what the first two are—I’m taking them to my grave!). It’s raining today, so it’s a good time to bust out this album and ruminate over all of my life regrets.

(via @tinydicebuddies)

I’ve tried snowboarding thrice now and each time I somehow did worse than the last 😅 And this was before the stroke, so my balance is way worse now. I’ll just stick to charcuterie boarding, thank yew.

My parents are dogsitting this stage 5 clinger this weekend.

They’re opening a Common Theory within walking distance to my sister’s house. I was wondering what they were gonna put in this space, because we saw them wheeling in commercial stainless steel tanks one day on our walk. It’s right next to David’s condo (David is this asshole dog that barks at me whenever I walk by his balcony. IDK his real name, but I call him “David” after David Bogdanov, a convicted murderer I watched a docu of on ID who fled to Ukraine after he killed someone (the dog’s pawrents had a Ukrainian flag on their balcony LOL). Anyway, now I can get my steps in before drinking my weight in beer 🍻

Update: My sister walked by Common Theory to see if it was open and David was on his balcony wearing a pink ass collar. He might be a she! My whole life is a lie.

I hate exercising, but I’m competitive as fuck. I once won a Survivor pool without watching a single episode and almost won a March Madness pool at my work (I had the #1 bracket up until I lost the final game) even though the boys had to explain to me what a seed was 😆 I’ve also joined and won several biggest loser challenges (the only thing I lose is pounds!). Anyway, when Chel suggested we keep ourselves accountable by tracking each other’s daily steps using the Nike Run Club App, I was wary at first. My mom and sister already follow my blood glucose monitor readings (they granted themselves access while I was sick, I would never allow such an invasion of privacy otherwise), so they get notified if it’s too high and hassle me about what I’m eating. I’m just like, this ain’t social media. Stop following me! Let me eat this Crumbl cookie in peace 😅

My sister and her husband are in Vegas, so I’m at my parents’ house on squirrel watch 👀

Cage the Elephant, Young the Giant and Bakar??? Yes, please.

I doordashed a pizza for dinner, and I got it with no mushrooms (even though I love mushrooms), because it flares up my sister’s husband’s gout and I’m thoughtful as fuck.

I’m reminded of the time one of my ex’s and I broke up, but we still had mutual friends and he was dating someone new. We were at dinner and he was sitting across from me with his new girlfriend, and as if it wasn’t awkward enough, he proceeded to eat mushrooms off of my plate without even asking while his new girlfriend and I looked on in horror. They’re both married now (to other people!), but I still think about that mushroom moment every now and again. He wasn’t thoughtful as fuck like I am 😅

We could never be friends if you don’t laugh at my jokes 😅

(via @heyshantaq)

My friend dm’d me this today, and this is me as fuck. The effort it takes to put on a bra, walk down four flights of stairs to the garage, and then wait half an hour in the drive-thru line is well worth the additional $84.61.

Our design director was checking in on presentations, and my coworker (whose name has been redacted in case he ever stumbles upon this blog) said he was sending his “monetarily” and I’ve been laughing for a million years. Is he sending money with his comps? 💸

I don’t know him like that, so I didn’t say anything snarky to him, but I forwarded it to my other coworker and was like, “Did you see this shit?!” 🤣

Three things you should know about me:

1. I nerd hard over the TV show The Rookie.
2. I throw a mean watch party.
3. I will use any excuse to make a charcuterie board.

The 100th episode of The Rookie airs tonight, and my charcuterie and I are ready. Here’s some snaps from my last watch party (The Rookie has a relatively small fanbase, but I promise there was at least one other person at this party LOL):

The cheese letters are extra, but so am I ✨

🖤

He’s so tall and handsome as hell
He’s so bad, but he does it so well
And when we’ve had our very last kiss
My last request is
Say you’ll remember me
Standing in a nice dress
Staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks
Say you’ll see me again
Even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

It’s two in the morning
I don’t need nobody else
But you’re my tragedy

Young the Giant is always a good idea.

Rolling in hella deep, headed to the mezzanine
Dressed in all pink ‘cept my gator shoes, those are green
Draped in a leopard mink, girl standing next to me
Probably shoulda washed this, smells like R. Kelly’s sheets (piss)
But shit, it was 99 cents

Macklemore was surprisingly entertaining and brought attention to what’s happening in Gaza.

I will not ask you where you came from
I will not ask, and neither should you

Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips
We should just kiss like real people do

And it’s worth it, it’s divine
I have this some of the time

I forgot that I put this place on my list because the pastry chef at this restaurant was recently nominated for a James Beard Award, and I ended up ordering a mimosa and steak and eggs 😅 (@ Valentine)

I dropped this oatmeal whoopie pie and I had to keep explaining that the stains all over my leggings were whoopie pie cream and not some other white stuff 😅 (@ A Flour Shop)

Holy pierogi (@ All Pierogi Kitchen)

I’ve had Polish sausage before (I’ve also had kielbasa LOL), but I’ve never had any other Polish food. It was sooo good! I highly recommend the cheddar and jalapeño pierogi. I thought it was gonna be “white people spicy,” but it actually had some heat! 😅

This Ike’s was within walking distance to our hotel. There’s an Ike’s up the street from my apartment in LA, and one in SD, but their “Going Home for Thanksgiving” sandwich on dutch crunch bread will change your life (@ Ike’s Love & Sandwiches)

At night I cry and howl at the moon

The world I love, the tears I drop
To be part of the wave, can’t stop
Ever wonder if it’s all for you?

And I thought my festival ‘fit was fire 😅 (@ Innings Festival)

The ice machines were down at the airport this morning, so they couldn’t serve iced coffee anywhere. I had to pick up some overpriced bottled bullshit from Hudson News. Then I got the window seat in an aisle with no window on our flight LOL. Hopefully the rest of my weekend goes smoother 😅

I’ve always heard that “heaven is a place where all the dogs you have ever loved run to greet you.” IDK if that’s true or if I’m even headed to heaven LOL, but it’s a nice thought. Today, my aunt put her last pup down. I looked after her when her moms went on vacation, and she was the sweetest girl.

I hope she’s in doggy heaven playing with Rocky and Myko in the matching Baja Ponchos I got them for Christmas 🥹

I received the sweetest gift from my dear friend, Heather.

It came at the perfect time, because I had just gotten an email with our presentation assignments due by next week and a blackout period where we can’t request any time off at work. I was hoping presentations and catalogs were canceled because we’re usually blacked out on the calendar by this time, and I even got approved for time off next month for Nashville.

Plus I had a pretty shitty day today. They refilled my prescription at the wrong CVS by my parents’ house instead of my usual one near my sister’s, so my parents had to pick it up for me since my sister had to go into the office today. Since they were here, I had them drive me to the bank. I was originally planning to take an uber, because I don’t like asking anyone for help. I don’t have a house key, because I don’t drive yet so I don’t go anywhere without my sister. So I just ran out the garage door as it was closing. When I got back from the bank, I kept ringing the doorbell and my mom called my sister’s husband fifteen times, but he was taking a nap, so he didn’t answer the door or his phone. My parents just brought me back to their house, and my sister had to pick me up when she got off work that night. Then I had to work some more when I got home, because my project manager was asking for a bunch of shit, but I didn’t have my computer with me. I haven’t even started my presentation yet, and I was hoping to have comps done before my flight tomorrow morning.

I’m about to take a bath with this lavender/chamomile/vanilla shower steamer and light this chai latte candle so I can fucking relax 🤪

Thank you, friend! 💛

(via shawnaprotzman)

I’m the gutter child 😅

My sister’s husband often asks, “How were you two raised in the same household?” I am who I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think I like this little life

Rainy day tunes 🌧️

I saw this video on instagram and had to try it with my plant-based spam. It was sooo good and a healthier alternative to my favorite Sausage Mcmuffin with Egg from Mcdonald’s. Even my sister’s husband (who loves spam and SMEs) thought it was good! The highest of compliments! 😆

I made some spaghetti squash casserole and roasted vegetables to try to eat healthy this week in preparation for all the bad decisions I’m gonna be making in Phoenix this weekend. And Nashville next month. And Spain soon after that 😏

Chel is leaving for Hawaii tomorrow, and one of her sons was all like, “Please pray for all the hurt people on the plane.” And Chel was like, “What plane???” And he was like, “The plane we’re taking to Hawaii.” 😳 He’s always had a sixth sense about things. He sees his grandma all the time who used to live in that house and died long before he was born. This kid both amuses and terrifies me 😅

Sending all the positive energy their way for safe travels ✨

Rise and grind (@ Mission Bay Beach Club)

Shi just wanted to go hiking and have some kid-free QT for her birthday. I would only get up this buttcrack early on a Sunday and exercise for this girl ❤️

Actual footage of me waking up before the sun this morning:

And me in the car while Christine drove my sleepy ass:

Thanks to Shi for picking a relatively easy hike that was mostly flat and paved and being so mindful of my fall risk status 😅 I actually loved this little walk around the bay, and we all have birthdays in the winter, so I wouldn’t mind doing this again during the cooler months! They also do yoga on Sundays, so I’ll have to try that one of these weekends.

Sidenote: This girl ran past me on the trail and she was like, “Behind!” I moved over and wanted to say, “Yes, chef,” but I didn’t think she’d get the reference 😂

This Lloyd Wright stunner is closing 😭

It’s a gorgeous glass chapel nestled on a cliff in Palos Verdes, and more importantly, it’s where Julie and Caleb got married on The O.C. 😆

I was lucky enough to visit this gem in 2016. Sadly,  8 years later, I’m still unmarried and without child (they do baptisms here, too).

I doordashed Korean short ribs to grill from H Mart on Super Bowl Sunday, but the dasher accidentally got me bulgogi instead. Doordash refunded me $90 for the incorrect item, and I got to keep 6 pounds of bulgogi for free! Usually I love free meat LOL, but I’ve been eating bulgogi tacos (Kogi-style) on carb balance tortillas for days now, and dis tew much 😅 I gave Christine 4 pounds of bulgogi and she just dropped off Nothing Bundt Cakes. My sister’s husband looked in the bag and was like, “These aren’t beef ‘n’ cheddars.” 😆 I love this little food exchange we’ve got going on. So far, we’ve traded sinigang, zuppa toscana, fusilli alla vodka, Greek pearl couscous salad, Dunkin’ Donuts, Arby’s and now bulgogi and Nothing Bundt Cakes! Have I mentioned how much I love living so close to the Lansangs??? ❤️

Friyay vibes ✌🏼

My parents are going to Portugal and Spain this Summer, and Spain is on my fuck it bucket list, so I invited myself 😏 I jokingly said I’d only go if we fly first class, so my dad has been looking into it. The difference between my dad and me is that he’ll do anything to save a buck (like book his flight through a cheap travel agency that makes it impossible to deal directly with the airline when you need to make changes, whereas I will always pay extra to not have to deal with any of that). He’s been sending me flight itineraries to see if they’re legit, and one google search revealed they were a big ol’ scam. Needless to say, I’ll be booking our flights for this trip 😅

The other day, one of the directors who works in the office messaged me on teams saying he had something for me asking where he should mail it. I thought it might be my 10-year work anniversary pin, (even though my 11-year anniversary just passed last month) or maybe a termination letter (even though I just got a raise and bonus 😅), but HR has my apartment in LA listed as my mailing address, and they would normally be the ones sending things of that nature, so I didn’t think it was HR-related. He was being really cryptic about it, so I had no idea what it was. It’s all my white puffer jacket that I left in the drawer of my old office. JK, Andy, who sits in my old office probably wears it. It’s a women’s jacket, but he’s v petite 🤣

This is like the time at my old job when they announced a mandatory meeting and we were going crazy wondering what it was about—Were they laying people off? Did they find out that my coworker Jesse drank that unclaimed Red Bull in the fridge? Were my yoga pants too casual for Casual Friday??? It turns out the meeting was a break from work where we got to play Taboo, and we won so the customer service team had to make us coffee for a week!

Hopefully it’s something good! I’ll keep you posted…

Update: I got it, and it was just a certificate congratulating me on 11 years with Skechers and a voucher for a free pair of shoes 😅 HR must’ve interofficed it to the advertising department thinking I worked in the offiice. No old coworker’s heads here!

Missed opportunity to blow out my back 🤣

My worlds colliding ♥️

I should probably take down this post, but only a couple people still read this blog (hi, Shirley May!), so I’ll keep it up for posterity’s sake. And so I have receipts when I say, “Remember when you said ‘so and so’ on February 14, 2024?” 🤣

My funny valentines ❤️

Love, love, love that the Lansangs live close enough to bring me a beer and beef ‘n’ cheddar for dinner!

Yep, we’re eating our feelings today 😅

Life’s hard enough. Eat the heart-shaped donuts ❤️🤎

Also, I washed down my prozac with an iced coffee from Mcdonald’s this morning, and I’m ready to start my day 😅

(via cedriklorenzen)

I’m craving pizza all of a sudden 😳🍕

Educating my project manager about botox and fuck boys 😆

I’m only here for this spread.

And this spreadsheet.

And maybe Usher.

I won $200, so I doordashed us all some celebratory ice cream!

I thought I was the only one who couldn’t stand these two 😅

Birria taco bar, tostilocos bar, and open bar. This is my kind of baby shower 😅

Me when I babysit children:

• TOPS Malibu A Sparkling Toast Wish Sparkler
• The Bruery “Goses are Red” Beer
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• Favorite Day Valentine’s Hot Cocoa Spoons
• Compartes California Love Pretzel Dark Chocolate Bar
• Ghirardelli Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Hearts
• Lindt Lindor Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Truffles
• Godiva Dark Chocolate Hearts Bar
• Dove Valentine’s Dark Chocolate Hearts
• Dove Valentine’s Milk Chocolate Hearts
• Reese’s Valentine’s Day Peanut Butter Hearts
• Twix Valentine’s Minis
• Kit Kat Valentine’s Day Milk Chocolate Wafers
• Rolo Valentine’s Day Chocolate Caramels
• Hershey’s Valentine’s Day Kisses
• Hershey’s Valentine’s Day Hugs & Kisses
• Hershey’s Valentine’s Day Milk Chocolate
• M&M’s Valentine’s Milk Chocolate
• Sour Punch Valentine’s Cupid Straws
• Haribo Valentine’s Goldbears Gummi Candy
• Starburst FaveREDs Fruit Chews
• Charms Valentine’s Pops
• Skittles Valentine’s Exchange Kit
• Skittles Valentine’s Wild Berry Exchange Kit
• Pelon Pelo Rico

My sister’s husband heard me huffing and puffing up their stairs and he’s like, “What you got there?” and I was like, “Target delivery. I bought all this candy for Valentine’s Day.” And he’s like, “You making gift bags? You’re such a good friend doing this every holiday, but I’ve never seen someone send you a gift bag!” I’m not the kind of person who gives expecting something in return ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Giving is my love language, y’all ❤️💕 Well, BBQ is also my love language (I’m hella lingual).

Valentine’s Day may be a made up holiday, but these goodies are very real 😋

I also made these matching “On Godric” shirts for my sister and her husband. I’m not hood or a Potterhead (so I’ve never said, “on God,” and def have never said, “on Godric” LOL) and IDK what the fuck this dude is saying, but Pammie and D like him 😆

I may not have won tickets to Justin Timberlake’s free show in NYC, but I won the lottery to purchase tickets to the Banana Ball World Tour 🍌⚾

I order everything online and I refuse to pay extra for shipping. I only needed one $2 sparkler at TOPS Malibu, but I didn’t want to pay $18 for shipping, and they offer free shipping on orders over $50, so I bought 25 sparklers LOL. I once ordered bedding from Anthropologie, and spent over $300 and they still charged for shipping! And to make things worse, I ended up burning the duvet I got from Anthro in The Great Fire of 2014, and it was discontinued so I couldn’t even replace it 😅

…or me waiting outside for my March and Ash delivery, even though weed is legal in California, and I’m pretty sure my sister’s neighbor is a drug lord (who else buys a million dollar home and only lives in it part-time because he has a “job” that keeps him in Mexico most of the year? 😅).

I used to doordash Mcdonald’s for breakfast every morning, even though they’re literally across the street from my apartment. Now, I only treat myself to this meal every few months after some routine blood tests 😅 Or when I’m happy to pay $300 to get my car out of a tow yard because I initially thought someone stole it (a Mcdonald’s breakfast is celebratory. Fight me).

P.S. I’m so excited to see Phantogram at Innings Fest, even though I’ve seen them live a million times since I first saw them at Outside Lands in 2011. I’ve actually already seen a lot of the bands that will be there (Young the Giant, Hozier, Jimmy Eat World, Red Hot Chili Peppers). What can I say, I’m a repeat offender ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(via readchoi)

“It’s giving Dasani” 🤣

This urgent low blood glucose alert on my phone woke me up at 10pm last night. Yes, I was already sleeping at 10pm 👵🏼 I eat dinner at 6pm and sleep soon after, because the earlier I eat/sleep, the less of a chance of me having a fourth meal or snacking (you can’t have a midnight snack if you’re not awake at midnight LOL).

This bodes well for my upcoming blood tests later this week. This, however, does not bode well for anyone around me. I’m not eating sugar and I’m on my period right now. You should probably avoid this hot mess express for the next 3-5 days. I’m sorry for anything I said while my blood glucose was low 😅

I’ve legit said a number of these things 😅

I get my coffee iced no matter how cold it is outside, my landlord fixed my leaky ceiling years ago, I don’t own an umbrella, I check if mercury’s in retrograde whenever something bad happens, and if it’s raining on a Friday, I wonder if my favorite vendor at the Hermosa Beach Farmers Market is okay 😆

Sade covers on this rainy Monday.

My cousin was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and she’s having surgery today. She’s only a few years older than me, and her mom (my dad’s little sister) died of cancer when she was only 34. It was 1989, and we were just kids. I got her this amethyst crystal because of its healing properties, and she believes in this same woo woo bullshit that I do 😅 Sending all the healing energy her way ✨

I was good today and had a salad from Mendocino Farms for lunch. The closest Mendo is downtown next to Blue Bottle (my favorite coffee shop), so I picked up a New Orleans-style Iced Coffee, too (I had oatmeal for breakfast and lettuce wraps for dinner, I think I deserve a little caffeine and sugar. Plus yesterday, my sister and her husband chowed down on Mcdonald’s Sausage Mcmuffins with Egg and hash browns while I cried into my steel cut oats with potassium-rich bananas and anti-inflammatory cinnamon).

I’ll just be here the rest of the weekend 🫠

The All Blacks (Jason Momoa’s favorite rugby team from New Zealand) have a match against Fiji in July at Snapdragon Stadium in SD. I’ve never been to a rugby game, but I’ll go to maybe catch a glimpse of Khal fuckin’ Drogo watch this haka live.

We’re part of a very special set of people (O.I.N.K. – one income, no kids) that do whatever the fuck we want like buy VIP tickets to Justin Timberlake’s show in LA and floor tickets to his show in Vegas 😆

I had Food Network’s Worst Cooks in America on while I was working, and this was one of the contestant’s descriptions. I guess all the contestants are nepo babies, and this particular girl has an NFL dad turned restauranteur who spoils her. I can’t with these contestants 😂

I also buy two tickets even though I don’t know who I’m going with yet. Unless it’s for John Mayer and I buy a single ticket off stubhub for $300 an hour before the show, because I decided last minute to go and know no one else would pay $300 (or any amount of money) to see John Mayer 😅

(via tinydicebuddies)

I tried to be healthy today and ordered a salad from Mendocino Farms, but my sister accidentally ate mine instead of hers. I would’ve eaten her order, but her salad had raw kale in it, and I hate raw kale. Oh, well. I’ll try again tomorrow 😅

I heard this song on Chel’s instagram post about her stay at Jacumba Hot Springs Hotel, but I thought they were saying “chainsaw daydreams” instead of “chase our daydreams” LOL. I’ve been listening to too many true crime podcasts 😅

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning, and I’ve gained a few since I last saw my PCP in person almost a year ago. Granted, I last saw her a couple months after the strokes when I had dropped a ton of weight because I was scared to eat a carb, plus it’s after the holidays now! I’m still skinnier than I was before the strokes, but she didn’t see me till after I lost all that weight. I planned on eating my way through Phoenix and Nashville in the next couple months, but she scheduled another appointment in the beginning of May to check on my progress. She said I should be doing at least 150 minutes of exercise a week. I’m like, “But that’s 150 more than I normally do.” 😅

Welp, it’s officially EOD in NYC, and I didn’t win tickets to Justin Timberlake’s free show. I guess I’ll be an adult and go to my doctor’s appointment and work tomorrow 😅 I think because we had to put our zip in when we entered, they didn’t think a girl from the west coast would go to a show in NYC at a moment’s notice, but they doubt my commitment to Sparkle Motion Justin Timberlake.

I was craving a Monte Cristo and couldn’t find a good one to doordash, so I made it myself 😋

…or my pops being extra and changing into this outfit after the Niners won tonight’s game LOL. I was only rooting for Detroit because I wanted to see a real lion on the field at the Superbowl.

BRB crying 😭

I had a fraud alert this morning (some asshole tried to buy $200 worth of stuff with my credit card at easybesttoystore.com) so they canceled my card and issued me a new one. I was trying to pre-pay for my prescriptions at CVS, so I had to use another credit card, which I never use. I still had to activate it, so I went to do that on Chase and so I logged in and was like, “Why is there so much money in this account?” I looked at my transactions, and I guess I got a raise and bonus on Friday 😅 I wasn’t expecting anything since I was on medical leave for half of last year.

Waiting until the eleventh hour to check in to my doc appointment in case I win tickets to Justin Timberlake’s free show in NYC that day and have to cancel it 😅

Double trouble (@ Montevalle Recreation Center)

Today was the twins’ first birthday party, so we came butt early to help my cousin and her daughter (the twins’ mom) set up. I doordashed some Better Buzz Coffee to wake our asses up.

The other coolest set of twins at the party.

I’m a cat, duh ✌🏼

As we were waiting in line to get our faces painted, Chel was like, “Are you wearing perfume? What smells so good?” While I was wearing my Pure Seduction Victoria’s Secret Body Mist LOL, I was like, “I think you’re smelling the churros, dude.” 🤣 We were steps away from the delicious churro cart our cousin hired for the party. Also, I’m pretty sure Chel and I were the oldest people in the face painter line (JK, my sister got the Deathly Hallows Harry Potter symbol painted on her arm—she’s 13 months older than me 😆).

This party was so on brand, my little graphic designer heart was bursting at every little detail 🍓

So if I get jealous, I can’t help it
I want every bit of you, I guess I’m selfish
It’s bad for my mental, but I can’t fight it, when
You’re out lookin’ like you do, but you can’t hide it, no

Currently on rotation ❤️

My sister and her husband were on some “dinner playlist” music channel on TV, and her husband was like, “Why does this sound like a song Mayan would like?” and my sister looked up and it was Lord Huron. She was like, “Yep. She loves this band.” What can I say, I’m partial to sad indie music ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

One time, we were at a Lord Huron show, and my sister was like, “I can’t find this band on Instagram” (she was trying to tag them in her story), and I look over at her phone and she had typed, “Lady Huron” LOL. I was like, “You know it’s ‘Lord Huron’ right?” 🤣

When we stayed at The Plaza in NYC, I kept commenting on how good it smelled. I found out they sell their signature scent online, and I had to get it. Now it smells like The Plaza up in this bitch.

I’ll just be here for the rest of the day.

Nori messaged me earlier and was like, “Still busy?” I’ve been super busy at work this week, because I’m still catching up from being on vacation and being out sick from my tummy ache last week. I was like, “Yeah, don’t they know I’m trying to win JT tickets over here?!” 😅

He said, “baby, ” that’s what he called me, “I love you”
Every single word you say makes me feel some type of way
It’s the thought of you that slightly scares me
But it takes my breath away, forget what I was gonna say
The day that I met you, I started dreaming
Now I write ’em down if I remember in the morning time

I just want a daddy who sends me songs that make him think of me 😆 I told Jessie to tell Nixon (who’s in middle school), it doesn’t get easier in your 40s 😅

I got this new pill organizer because adulting.

I also just entered the lottery to win tickets for Justin Timberlake’s free show in NYC next week, even though I have a doctor’s appointment in LA that day, so I’m not adulting too hard 😅

First full moon of 2024 ✨

Charge those crystals and harness that energy under that Wolf Moon, y’all!

I was fine getting general admission tickets, but Pammie insisted we treat ourselves to VIP passes. YOLO ✊🏼 Is it February yet???

My friend tested positive for Covid, and she thinks she got it from a meeting she had to attend at UCSD in person last week. My sister had to go into the office today for a meeting with executives that are flying in from all over the country! Her boss has a cold and is knowingly going in sick for that meeting and also a team building event at an escape room LOL. Like, what’s more important than your health??? Certainly not your job! Luckily, my boss is a germophobe, and I haven’t had to go in the office since 2020.

I’ve somehow managed to dodge Covid for 4 years, even though I’ve been exposed a couple times. Should I add that to my Tinder bio? “Never gotten Covid. Never seen a Star Wars movie.” Just kidding (I’m not on Tinder).

Anytime I say I’ve never had Covid, my sister (who got Covid on vacation in Hawaii despite masking up and sanitizing everything all the time) likes to remind me that I had two strokes last year. Touché, bitch. Tou-fucking-ché 😅

My parents have these shelves of knick knacks that they keep the phone chargers on, and as we were checking up on their house while they’re away on their cruise (not sure what we were checking for as they have an alarm system and cameras), I was staring at these little cups on the shelves. “B” & “S” for my parents, Ben & Shirley, “P” & “D” for my sister, Pammie and her husband, Dennis, and “M” & “R”… The “M” was for Marion, but what the hell was the “R” for? My sister saw me looking at them and was like, “R for Rocky!” Oh, duh. Of course my mom would get one for our beloved dog who died five years ago LOL.

My sister has a fancy ass rice cooker, and Christine sent us home yesterday with some homemade sinigang that was perfect for this rainy day.

I’ve never made rice in this cooker before, and I was like, “How do you know when it’s done?” She was like, “It plays a little song.” I was like, “I’ve been in my bedroom for the past half hour. IDK if it played the song yet.” I open it and it’s still a little wet on the bottom. I wasn’t sure if it wasn’t done yet, or if I put too much water (my rice always ends up notoriously mushy, which is why I hardly ever make it). But then I closed the lid, and it said “3 MINUTES TILL COMPLETION,” and I’ve been laughing for a million years because I’m a child.

Chamangos and chisme (@ Crab Hut)

The girls were supposed to come over today, and I was going to smoke my first brisket, but I’m still scared to eat BBQ, so we just hit up good ol’ Crab Hut. I used to go here so much, they had my picture on the wall. I was the Duchess of Crab Hut on Yelp and the Mayor of Crab Hut on Foursquare LOL. Not much has changed about this place, but they now tack on an automatic 18% service fee no matter how small your party is. I hate when restaurants do that. I’m already a good tipper, but I don’t like to be forced to tip. Also, I’m not gonna add an additional tip if I’m already paying an extra 18%. Does my waiter even get this service fee or does it line the owner’s pockets??? I also hate it when restaurants charge an automatic “health surcharge” on top of your bill to pay for their employees’ healthcare. I’ve only seen it done in LA. Like, I love you, République, but I’m pretty sure I’m already overpaying for this kouign amann without your additional 3% health surcharge. Don’t even get me started on alimony (I don’t believe spousal support should exist if you’re no longer spouses. All of my girlfriends who are married make more than their husbands. All of them. Separate from child support, they shouldn’t have to pay them a single dime if they ever get divorced. Ok that’s the end of my rant 😅).

Flights booked ✔️

It’s my first time going to Nashville, so of course I made a pinterest board of all the places I want to go there. Anything I missed???

Kevin Garrett moved to Nashville a few months ago, so I’m hoping he’s playing somewhere in town that weekend. I love going to live shows in other cities.

We were talking about how Ice Cube is exposing Jay-Z and saying he’s worse than Diddy, and how no one is safe. Seriously, nothing better come out about Young the Giant 🤣

I got a new phone today, because I shattered my screen last week when I was talking shit about Kylie Jenner 😅 I could’ve just replaced my screen like the last time I shattered it, but they’re on the iPhone 15 now and mine was a 10. I was due for a new phone LOL. Plus this new one has 1 TB of space, while my old one had 256 GB and the additional cloud space I pay extra monthly for has been full for 2 years 😅

S/O to the guy who helped me at Apple Otay Ranch and told me he liked my shirt. I was wearing my Original Berf shirt, and I love when people get the reference. I was like, “Thanks, it’s a collector’s item,” and he laughed and laughed and I left the store with a new phone and the biggest smile on my face.

Maybe more people will get the reference now that The Bear has swept the Emmy’s, Golden Globes and Critics’ Choice Awards.

My sister’s husband was like, “What you making for breakfast?” and I was like, “Steel cut oats with bananas.” He was like, “That’s some middle-aged shit.”

I sprinkled some cinnamon on top because it’s naturally anti-inflammatory for some added sweetness.

This is 42, y’all.

BRB crying.