If your mom isn’t swinging an ornament between her legs for money, is it even Christmas???

Escaping LA for the holidays be like…

Two things still warm this heart: freshly zambonied ice and chili dogs (@ LA Live / Pink’s)

…or my work sending out a departmental email letting us know that we’ll only be getting the day after christmas off instead of the entire week (like we have for the previous 7 years).

Excuse me while I open this box of fruit-by-the-foot I bought for my nephew and eat my feelings.

Who needs a christmas tree when you can just throw some lights on a fiddle leaf fig bush?

Spotify’s really out here exposing me right now 😅

If you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.

Jingle Juice

3 oz merlot
¾ oz fireball whisky
1 oz orange juice
1 oz pomegranate syrup
6 pineapple tidbits
1 lime (squeeze and drop)
1 orange slice
1 cinnamon stick (for garnish)

I woke up to the sound of my fridge struggling this morning, and when I opened my freezer, everything was melted inside! R.I.P. to an embarrassing amount of ice cream, plus that lone pepperoni pizza hot pocket I was saving for later.

Update: It’s now Friday and I’m going on day 3 of not having a fridge. Luckily, Chel sent me this song of the day to cheer me up while I write my landlord another strongly worded email and cry into my room temperature bottled water 😭

Belated birthday post for this supreme slice! We celebrated Chel’s birthday with a backyard pizza party. Are these ovens allowed on apartment balconies in LA??? Asking for a friend.

I caught my first cold in nearly three years and have been down for the past two weeks! Apologies to my new neighbor who’s had to listen to my nonstop coughing, sneezing, and four seasons of The Great British Baking Show: Holidays.

SNL stole my skeezy joke and I am deaddd 🤣

My roommate for the next two weeks! She’s only been here for a few hours and she’s already bogarting the bed. She’s lucky she’s cute.

I don’t know where this line of questioning was going, but it def wasn’t going anywhere good! Ha. Some people aren’t worth the trouble…

(Is he single now though??? JK JK LOL 😬)

Best sleep of my life last night thanks to this guy.

It’s 100° and RAINING in LA. WHAT IS HAPPENING???

This heat has made me realize that I’m not built for hell, so I gotta make some life changes! 😅 Just kidding (I’ll take my chances).

Amazon primed a portable A/C today because fuck this shit.

BBQ with a side of UV this past holiday weekend.

I escaped the LA heat for Pammie’s house where she keeps the thermostat at a cool 68°. Jessie came over and was like, “68?! I only do that in a hotel!”

Uhh, is this not a hotel??? My sister’s husband told me checkout is at noon 😆

Welp, I have until 2035 to get my life together before I start driving an electric car that needs to be charged regularly.

I’m the type of person who doesn’t fill up their gas tank until I’m running on fumes (this picture was taken today).

I’m also the type of person whose phone is always on the cusp of dying or already dead (even though I work from home). Don’t even get me started on all my unread notifications.

I don’t know what to tell you guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Double trouble (@ Kate Sessions Park)

Our very first Cuevas great great grandbabies are going to be twin girls! Such a beautiful surprise on what would’ve been grandma’s 91st birthday weekend.

Congrats to Jaylene and Antonio! Also, someone please call the fire department 😅

In other baby news, Rhea asked me to be Jade’s godmother this weekend, and I couldn’t be more honored. My mom and Pammie were like, “ARE YOU SURE, RHEA?!” What a bunch of assholes! 😆 (I should probably watch my mouth around the kid).

🖤🖤🖤

I’ve been out of sorts lately. I forgot my beats on the plane when I flew back to LA. I left my phone in an uber… I was getting ready to set my crystals out to recharge this morning when my mom called me and said, “Something happened,” which, coming from my mom, could mean anything from someone dying or her DVR isn’t working again (there is no in between). I’m over here thinking the absolute worst when she goes, “I accidentally broke your vitamix!” I meannn. While I’m relieved that no one is fucking dead, I’m still bummed that my $500 blender is broken.

Full moon, do your thing ✨

Silver dreams bring me to you

Local Natives (@ YouTube Theater)

Cheers to a much needed mini vacay with Pammie and Donna! The last time we vacationed together was three years ago in Kauai, so this trip was long overdue!

On Friday night, we missed our Nobu rooftop res because it took us 45 minutes to be driven 2 miles. Downtown Chicago traffic is no joke, especially during Lollapalooza weekend.

We ended up at Booze Box, a secret bar in the basement of a sushi restaurant. Right when we walked in, this japanese lady pulled open a side gate and led us down some sketchy ass stairwell into the coolest little dive bar ever. The music, drinks and late night maki def hit the spot.

I couldn’t go to Chicago without going on a river boat tour à la My Best Friend’s Wedding (that scene gets me every. damn. time.). While there was no slow dancing or tearful realizations, I honestly was so impressed by the beautiful architecture. The only other time I visited Chicago was over a decade ago for a weekend in the dead of winter. All I remember was that it was St. Paddy’s Day and they dyed the river green. It was too cold to really do anything back then. Even though it rained the day before I arrived this time, the weather was absolute perfection.

Coffee and vodka? Yes, please (@ Starbucks Reserve Roastery)

Later that day…

Donna: Why is my heart racing???
Me: Maybe it was that flight of espresso martinis you downed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m that friend who only orders california rolls at sushi restaurants.

While Pammie and Donna enjoyed the (mostly raw) tasting menu at Nobu, I feasted on this glorious 28-day dry-aged prime ribeye.

If my A5 wagyu isn’t prepared this dramatically, I don’t want it.

The best thing I ate at Nobu (and possibly my entire life) was this whisky cappuccino dessert. Holy shit, you guys. Once that whisky foam hit my lips, I left my body, floated up to heaven, saw my grandparents, came back down, and finished off the remaining layers of espresso gelato, toasted cinnamon crunch and cardamom cream. Their recipe is posted online, but why go through all that trouble when you could just take me to the Nobu in Malibu??? 😏

Since we all binge-watched The Bear, we wanted to try an authentic italian beef sandwich. One of our uber drivers, Kendrick, told us that the best one was at Clark Street Dog. We could kill two birds with one stone and get a chicago dog there, too. He warned us not to ask for ketchup, as if he knew about that one time I asked for it at a steakhouse and was shamed by my entire table. As he drove us around, he also pointed out where people had been recently shot and what areas to avoid walking at night unless we wanted to get popped! So full of useful information, this guy…

We ordered our food and headed over to the attached bar for picklebacks, mules, and quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth – Jeppson’s Malört. According to our bartender, Evan, it’s a Chicago tradition for out-of-towners to take a shot of what can be accurately described as “rotten grapefruit with the lingering after taste of a tire fire” (among other things). He also suggested we hit up the nearby L&L Tavern where Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy used to troll for victims. Who doesn’t love a good murder bar??? I’ll have to come back when I’m not stuffed with italian beef.

We woke up at the butt crack of dawn to stand in line for an hour before this restaurant opened (sorry for anything I said before I got some cold brew in me 😅). Kasama is the only michelin-starred filipino restaurant in the world, and respect had to be paid.

This trip couldn’t have come at a better time. I got to celebrate an unexpected promotion at work and have a little fun before conference season starts up this week and I’m blacked out for the next couple of months. Excuse me while I cry into my empty Garrett Popcorn tin…

Me checking the weather before my trip tomorrow:

Smoked wing night (@ Maple Block Meat Co.)

Excited to get some italian beef in me next weekend. Any other Chicago recs besides an underground donut tour? 😂

The day I eat a floor burrito is the day I give up on life.

I had a pretty shitty day yesterday.

When I woke up this morning, I laid my crystals out to charge under the full moon, washed my serotonin pill down with crystal-infused water, and cried into my acai bowl. Pre-pandemic me would never, but LA has changed me, y’all.

I don’t know if it’s work, or my period, or the $25 I just spent on doordashing this acai bowl… but Jesus, I got emotional. You should probably avoid this hot mess express for the next 3-5 days.

“CORNER!” – me to absolutely no one while making a sandwich after binge-watching The Bear.

My sister’s husband is convinced that I secretly have a poster of Joey Chestnut in my apartment, and I can’t confirm or deny that.

Red, white and blue (cheese) – I was that asshole at three different grocery stores looking for that slice of heaven that is humboldt fog in the artisanal cheese aisle to complete my board.

Views and ‘cue – two of my favorite things. This private rooftop is a dream.

Not pictured: me almost lighting my hair on fire after some lunatic let me be in charge of the short ribs

Listen, sometimes you have to choose between buying a box of costco king crab legs or paying your rent. Luckily, Pammie bought these babies and afforded me another month in my studio. Ha.

Is it even a party if you don’t stock your wine fridge with white claw???

Alicia got me this icee machine for my birthday a few years ago, and I don’t know why I waited so long to bust it out (besides diabetes and the lack of counter space). I’m pretty sure Shi and I had more icees than the kids did!

Christine came through with the Crumbl cookies!

Added bonus: The rooftop has a clear view of the fireworks from the olympic training center.

I hope everyone’s 4th was as lit as the illegal fireworks we bought on the side of the road!

Thanks to Pammie for hosting the best party ever at her new digs! Same time next year???

Friyay latte (@ Urth Caffe)

Our project manager put in his notice yesterday, the other senior web designer has been out sick since last week, and my boss just went on vacation today. Everything’s fine 😅

Fuck, can I get pregnant from this??? 😳

APL is doing BBQ pop-ups all summer at Strand Brewing Co, and I am here for it.

A-fucking-men.

What time should I be ready? 😜

The only restaurant I’ve been to on this list is Guelaguetza, and I can confirm that you can still hear me over the mariachi band.

I went to my bestie’s kid’s graduation over the weekend, and more than half her family tested positive for covid afterwards. Luckily, all I got from the festivities was a fierce sunburn on my chest, minus a diagonal strip of white skin where my purse strap used to be.

I know over a dozen people who have gotten covid this past month alone. I’ve somehow managed to dodge it for 2+ years now, so don’t come over unless you’re dropping off some aloe vera. Or cookies from that new Crumbl shop that just opened down the street.

10/10. Highly recommend.

Ghost, I wish you well, it’s your life
Pray you find yourself as souls divide
Seven sisters blue, it’s your life
Left my heart with, left my heart with you

Palace (@ The Fonda)

I woke up at the butt crack of dawn to drive down to SD so that my beautiful mom could serve me breakfast at a pancake fundraiser. That’s love. Hope everyone had a nice mother’s day!

I doordashed dinner tonight and just received someone else’s order (a hazard of contactless delivery). Even though I was hangry as hell, I think we can all agree that the real victim here is Kathleen M., who ordered 8 scoops of ice cream from Handel’s and received my salad and brussels sprouts from Tin Roof Bistro instead 🤣

The Padres lost 10-2, but we stayed winning in Pammie’s company suite! (@ Petco Park)

Cheers! (@ Callie)

Who needs a husband when your bestie Jessie’s husband sends a bottle of champagne to your table during your girls night out and picks you up a 4-pack of sours on his beer run because it has your name in it??? Not this thirsty bitch! Ha.

BRB crying into my bangin’ breakfast sadwich (I’ll see myself out).

💔

Dance party (@ The Forum)

I had to for posterity’s sake (@ Mobil – Manhattan Beach)

Also, I am now a person who says, “Remember when gas was (insert lower price here)?” and also the kind of person who bangs on the wall I share with my asshole neighbor when he’s blasting his TV that he mounted to our one shared wall past midnight.

👵🏻 👵🏻 👵🏻

Welp, it’s officially been two years since I started working from home for what was supposed to be a two-week stint! Since then, I’ve put in countless hours of overtime and started taking serotonin supplements if that’s any indication of how life is going so far 😅

I’m sorry if you haven’t done today’s wordle, but this had to be commemorated somewhere.

It feels like we only go backwards, darling

Hello
I’ve waited here for you
Everlong

Tame Impala x Foo Fighters (@ Innings Fest)

Ma’am, this is the 405…

Picnic in the park (@ Lake View Park)

All this birthday mama wanted was some adult time and some chicken in a muthafuckin’ biskit LOL! Nothing’s too good for our Shi ♥️

Too bad I’m a Rams fan now 😜

Even though I usually try to let my birthday pass without much fanfare, this past week has been a reminder that life should be celebrated.

I got to have drinks with my almost birthday twin Christine, who was the second of my dearest friends to be diagnosed with breast cancer last year. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since she had her surgery last month, and I was so grateful to have her here with us, healthy, happy and cancer-free.

Shi wasn’t able to attend my birthday dinner because her husband was exposed to covid the day before and she wanted to be safe. Life has taken a 180 since this pandemic started two years ago, but I’m glad that anyone I know who has gotten covid has recovered from it.

While enjoying birthday macarons at Bottega Louie, a man sitting at the bar next us passed out. Initially, I thought he was drunk (it was late at night in DTLA, after all), but he was having a medical emergency. He came to for a second before slipping out of consciousness again and sliding onto the floor. The girl who was with him started doing chest compressions as he lay lifeless on the ground, and I stood there horrified. An ambulance arrived, and I left there completely traumatized. He couldn’t have been older than me, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since.

All that to say, life’s too short to be worrying about my ebbing youth and unfulfilled timelines of where I should be at this point in my life. I’m lucky to still be here and am looking forward to more trips around the sun with you guys ❤️

Best birthday dinner ever (@ Born & Raised)

When your mom visits you for your birthday, unexpectedly stays an extra few days, and has to borrow your clothes LOL.

My birthday was in the middle of the week, and I fully intended on working from home and saving the festivities for the weekend. Pammie and my mom had other plans, though. They were only supposed to stay for the day, but I guess they were having too much fun to go back home to SD! And even though my mom kept finding things to clean (even though I spent the entire day cleaning before they got here), and my sister had EIGHT zoom meetings a day that I had to be quiet for, I loved that they spent my birthday week with me at home in LA.

Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast (@ République)

Christmas is over, ya filthy animals.

Wow Facebook making me cry this early in the morning 💔

Shoutout to the UPS guy who hid my package while I was away on vacation.

It’s a good thing I didn’t have to leave our hotel room to see these fireworks, because I barely made it to midnight Hawaii time!

Happy new year from this old broad (@ Prince Waikiki)

See you in 2022 ✌🏼

Christmas (@ Crypto.com)

There is a hell and it’s DTLA during a lakers game the week of christmas.

Not pictured: The 500 people in line for ice skating and the $40 parking garage.

If you only ever go to one concert in your life, let it be Tame Impala at the Hollywood Bowl.

This Halloween, I deep cleaned my apartment and installed a new area rug. What has become of my life?

What, your neighbor’s halloween decor doesn’t include conjoined unicorns???

11/20: You guys, they’ve updated it for Thanksgiving.

Everything that happens is from now on
This is pouring rain, this is paralyzed

Spent my Friday night crying in Inglewood, hbu? (@ YouTube Theater)

I’ve seen Bon Iver twice before, but this was the first time he sang my most favorite song of his (re:Stacks). This was also my first time seeing a show at the new YouTube Theater. It’s located inside SoFi Stadium and it is GORGEOUS. If I were the Chargers, I would’ve left SD for this shit, too! It’s also an 11-minute drive from my apartment and near this cajun resto where we had the best pre-show po’ boys ever. Chargers game, anyone???

Celebrated Chel’s birthday with the girls (@ Pop Pie Co.)

After Pammie shared her big news that she bought a new house over the weekend, Shi revealed that her only update was that she got a tooth extracted and was going through a mortgage refi—that’s two more things than I got going on! Ha.

Tame Impala and Black Pumas? Yes, please.

Lay me in the tall grown grass in a shallow grave
Let it have me

Lord Huron (@ Hollywood Forever Cemetery)

One of my favorite bands at one of my favorite venues! My first live show in nearly two years did not disappoint 🖤

Same time next season? (@ Petco Park)

Smoked short ribs + doughnuts: a love story.

Dining at Majordōmo Meat & Fish was a religious experience. Can all of my meals be prepared tableside???

Escaped the LA rain this weekend and wound up in this fever dream (@ Meow Wolf Las Vegas)

Much needed social hour and frosé with my faves (@ Pacific Social)

Oh, look… another glorious morning… makes me sick!

When spooky season coincides with conference season 🎃🤓

Caitlyn Jenner and Angelyne? Was Kanye unavailable???

To the asshole who stole my skincare subscription box: I hope you’re allergic to $100 worth of plant-based moisturizers!

I apologize if you knew me and my brown chola lip liner in the 90s!

Take my money 🖤

Even the trio of babies having a crying contest throughout our entire 5-hour flight couldn’t break my aloha spirit (they really tried, though!).

Retail therapy (@ International Market Place)

We stumbled upon the greatest food truck ever in a Walgreen’s parking lot (@ Leonard’s Bakery Malasada Truck)

I’ve had malasadas in LA before, but they don’t even compare to the pillowy deliciousness that is Leonard’s. This was my most favorite thing I ate during the entire trip… even better than the garlic butter shrimp we waited two hours for at Romy’s! The mango gummy bears from Lin’s Hawaiian Snacks were a very close second.

Getting our daily dose of vitamin sea (@ Halona Beach Cove)

The scenic drive up the coast to North Shore was such a welcome contrast to the hustle and bustle of Waikiki. It felt like we were in Kauai again!

I tasted the Obama rainbow and it was presidential AF (@ Waiola Shave Ice)

It’s a well known fact that drinks taste better when served inside a pineapple (@ Diamond Head State Monument)

Pops went parasailing for the first time at 67-years-young (@ Xtreme Parasail). Pammie rode tandem, while I just came along for the boat ride and the shirtless captain.

Hawaii is three hours behind LA, yet I still never woke up early enough to see the sunrise! Ha. I did catch this sweet sunset every night, though (@ Prince Waikiki)

Did you even go to the Aloha Stadium Swap Meet if you didn’t leave with a karate kid drum???

Display this in a bigger font for the people in the back (@ Hawaii Theatre)

Cheers to a great (and safe) trip! Till next time, Hawaii!

Home for the week (@ Prince Waikiki)

I feel seen.

I want you in the worst way
Is the gate code still your birthday?

John Mayer will forever be my guiltiest pleasure.

Just Luna Grill notifying me that I have half a year left in my thirties (and offering some free baklava as consolation).

I’d rather hitch a ride and pay with my life than pay uber $100 for a 10-minute ride home from LAX! (I grabbed a $25 cab instead and lived to blog about it.)

When it’s triple digits in LA, what’s another 10 degrees???

Is it too late to start dieting for my Hawaii trip in 2 weeks???

Recipes: Baked chicken breast cobb salad with ranch dressing // Avocado sweet potato toast // Chicken salad lettuce cups with avocado oil mayo // Air fryer brussels sprouts

Contrary to popular belief, DTF is just a dim sum place I ate at with Christine, Pammie and Jessie today.

Also, I didn’t realize that venmo automatically adds my phone contacts to my friend list, which would explain why I know that the guy I sold tickets to on craigslist in 2012 paid for his share of the wifi bill last month.

I enjoy long walks to any burrito (@ Redondo Beach)