The Powerball jackpot is $1.7 billion tonight! May the odds be ever in your favor…

If I can’t cook it in an air fryer, I don’t want it.

Happy 70th birthday to my pops! (@ Fogo de Chão)

I’ve never been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, but it was everything The Mindy Project promised it would be 🤣

Pammie: What are you doing?
Me: Painting these blanched almonds for my witch fingers. What does it look like I’m doing???

I ordered these boots online and I could zip them up all the way, but they were a little snug, so I wore them around the house to stretch them out a bit.

My sister’s husband saw me washing dishes looking like a crazy person in my swim shorts and a baby tee wearing my new boots and knee high socks, and he was like, “Why do you look like Woody from Toy Story?” 🤣

Update: I just realized I ordered the “narrow calf” boots LOL. No wonder they’re so snug! I put them on, and I asked Pammie, “Does it look like I’m baking bread in my shoe?” And she was like, “No! Why, are they tight? The leather will stretch as you wear it,” at the same time I was like, “I just have to lose a little weight in my legs.” 😅

I’m gonna try and exchange them for the regular width calf, even though I already wore them to Oktoberfest, spilled beer on them, and accidentally stepped on my sister’s toes and made her bleed so I probably have to wash her blood off the soles 😬

I love bratwurst and beer towers. I’m usually in LA when my friends go to this thing every year, so it was my first time here (@ German American Societies)

We were the only Asians there, but I blended in with my pretzel necklace and beer mug headband 🥨🍺

FYI I’m romantic as fuck.

I used to go to the Popeye’s near my apartment, and I didn’t think I went there too frequently (maybe once or twice a month), but I’d always order the same thing—a popcorn shrimp combo. One day, I was standing in line minding my own business, and the dude who always helps me sees me standing there and shouts over the people ahead of me, “Popcorn shrimp combo???” Embarrassing! 😳 Like, first of all, lower your voice, and second of all, yes, of course I’d like a popcorn shrimp combo 🤣

I was getting my hair cut in Manhattan Beach, and the new receptionist and I were trying to figure out where we knew each other from, and she was like, “I used to work at Popeye’s! Is that where I’ve seen you???” I guess I went there more frequently than I thought 😅

Another time, I ordered Thai from a nearby restaurant and went to pick it up at the wrong place. They were like, “Are you sure you ordered from here???” and I checked my online order again, and I was, in fact, at the wrong restaurant. I haven’t been back there since. I already can’t go to this other Thai restaurant near my apartment, because the last time I ate there, they tried to kill me 😅 My pad thai was extra spicy (I asked for 5/10 heat and it was more like a gazillion/10). I had to keep asking for more water during my meal and the waiters seemed to enjoy my pain.

This is why I pay extra to doordash and do contactless delivery… partly so I can suffer in the comfort of my own home, but mostly because I don’t have to put a bra on to get my food 😅

Good thing there’s hella Starbucks nearby because now I have to try this apple croissant.

I saw this video and bought some oven-baked cheese, air fried it and ate it with marinara sauce. It was like eating pizza without the dough! I almost grabbed some black olives and turkey pep.

What else can I air fry???

I picked up some Roots Farm Fresh Sweet Potato Toast to go low-carb, because I had Taco Bell three times this week 😅 I was devastated when they took my beloved shredded chicken burrito off their menu, and they now have shredded chicken rolled tacos! And brought back nacho fries. So I had to get both three days in a row, obviously.

Update 10/7/2023: My sister made the mistake of asking me what I wanted for lunch, and I was like, “TACO BELL!” When we went through the drive-thru, the guy told us the shredded chicken rolled tacos were limited edition only and they no longer have them *cries in Spanish*

I was gifted an air fryer by someone who replaced theirs with one of those 3-in-1 kitchen appliances that’s a microwave, air fryer and convection oven in one. I air fried these chicken wings for lunch and they were sooo good and crispy. Who needs Buffalo Wild Wings??? Or as Jay calls them, BBW 🤣

Whenever I see a stroller in my sister’s neighborhood I’m like, “Child or dog?” (I always hope it’s a dog). Today, Pammie was like, “Neither. It’s a bunny!” 😅 I can’t with this neighborhood.

The Kelce brothers let Taylor Swift fans ask them questions about football, and the first one was, “What’s a field goal?” 🤣

Was this like when I participated in my work’s March Madness pool for the first time, and I was like, “What’s the difference between a 12-seed team and a 5-seed team, and also what is a seed???”

Thank you for helping me enter my new football era! 🏈

The math ain’t mathing 🤣

I’m obsessed with my Moon Phase Ring and Skeleton Hand Ring 🖤

Because I’m still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I’m still in love with you
On this harvest moon

Last supermoon of the year today ✨

Mentally, I’m here ✌🏼

Just let me take you to a better place
I’m gonna make you kiss the sky tonight
Yeah, if you let me show the way
I’m so excited to see you excited

A new *NSYNC song wasn’t on my bingo card for 2023, but neither was having 2 strokes 😅 This year is full of surprises!

Apparently, Dumbledore died ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Is this like the time we were watching the fourth Matrix, and Pammie was like, “Neo looks so old,” and I was like, “Wait… who’s Neo?” 🤣 In my defense, I’ve only seen the first Matrix movie when it came out it 1999. I still can’t tell you what the matrix is!

This is why people don’t like watching shit with me 😅

From the passenger seat as
You are driving me home
Do they collide?
I ask and you smile
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn’t matter

It’s the 20th anniversary of Transatlanticism, and Death Cab is performing the album in its entirety at the Hollywood Bowl. I haven’t seen Death Cab live since 2011! I bought tickets months ago thinking I’d be back in LA by now. Should I go or sell my tickets? Anyone feel like crying in Hollywood on Tuesday 10/17???

Don’t mind me, I’m just trying to win some brisket from zef.daddy.

Are you even really friends if you don’t coordinate your brazilians???

P.S. I discovered Linda 13 years ago! She has since left Viva Brazil and does house calls now if you ever need your vag waxed in SD 😅

I found them like this when I woke up. My sister’s husband got jokes! LOL.

Also, why does this keep on happening to me???

Me after solving today’s wordle:

Shi and I used to hang out all the time at my old apartment in SD and eat so bad. She’s seen me eat a whole pizza by myself (in my defense, it was thin crust! LOL), and I’ve seen her eat an entire pound cake in one sitting (multiple times!). We were also in our 20s, and our metabolism was much faster back then 😅 We used to make these sinful cheesecake-stuffed strawberries, and I kept seeing these Wonder Monday ads on all my socials for low-carb, low-sugar cheesecakes, so I ordered some, whipped up a few in my stand mixer, piped them into fresh strawberries and dipped them in heart-healthy dark chocolate! They tasted like heaven.

When someone asks me what my limit is for an *NSYNC concert (it’s $1,000 for Beyoncé):

Partly because I ate my weight in pizza yesterday, but mostly because I saw this brûléed brie on instagram, I made this low-carb platter with apples and Ella’s Flats.

Eating the seed crackers alone felt like I was eating straight up bird food, but the brûléed brie and apples were *chef’s kiss*

Justin Gaspar from Hommage Bakehouse (who won Hulu’s Baker’s Dozen) made pizzas during the party and they were so good. He liked my Boo Berry Krispie Treats and his wife was the first person ever to compliment me on my Original Berf shirt, too, so they’re good people 😆

We came for the pizza, but stayed for the gender reveal!

It has been a hard IVF journey for my dear friend after battling breast cancer, and Jessie surprised all of us by telling us that the surrogacy’s pregnancy took and baby boy Cuevas is coming March 2024!

We are simply overjoyed 🥹

I love Filipino Kare Kare, and this restaurant makes it with BRISKET. I have to try it! BRB, looking up flights to Houston.

Contrary to popular belief, I call Jessie “BB” because she’s loved Boo Berry cereal since we were kids. She and Abe have a legit pizza oven in their backyard and are having a long overdue pizza party tomorrow, so I made these Boo Berry Krispie Treats to bring.

Step aside, youths! I had two minor strokes this year, so I should get first pick at tickets 😅

I fit all this criteria! JK, I don’t wear Skechers 🤣

Is this like when we were in our 20s telling Christine that if a guy’s driver’s license is vertical, he’s much too young for her??? LOL. Or the checklist of questions Jessie sent me to ask potential suitors?

When the *NSYNC dolls came out in 2000, I had to have them. My boyfriend at the time gave me the set for Christmas, except he accidentally gave me a duplicate of one instead of all 5 members. I can’t remember which one is missing and which one he gave me a duplicate of, maybe 2 Lance’s or worse, 2 Chris’s 🤣 I have to check my old room at my mom’s house. They’ve been collecting dust in their original boxes for almost 25 years now!

I just found out that there’s a Little People Collector *NSYNC Special Edition Set. They’re sold out, but I have some friends who work at Mattel LOL can they hook a fan up?

Also, how am I expected to work when the *NSYNC reunion tour is looming above me???

My Mount Rushmore of *NSYNC songs 💕

I’ll just be here the rest of the day.

I have the “do not disturb” feature on my phone on between 11pm and 7am (if you text me between those hours, I won’t get notified, but a booty call will go through 🤣 I have calls turned on for emergencies). I used to have it on till 9am, but one time I was having lunch with my friend and she kept asking me if I did my catalog edits for work and I was like, “Yeah, I’ll get to it” not knowing our creative director had sent an email before 9am that morning that they were due that afternoon because I never got the notification because my do not disturb was on. I changed it to 7am after that.

My boss emailed me at 2am last night! 😵‍💫 I’ll keep my “do not disturb” on from 11pm-7am since I’m asleep during those hours, thank yew 😴

Also, I know I have to charge my phone. I am who I am ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Update: My coworker told me that our boss is in Germany right now. So she’s not completely unhinged emailing me at two in the morning, she’s just on Central European Time LOL.

The DMV approved my application for a Disabled Person (DP LOLOL) placard if you want to hang out and get primo parking 😂 You guys, this placard even lets you park on an on-street metered parking space at no charge or in an area that requires a resident permit! Should I update my Tinder bio to include this??? JK, the placard is more of a third date reveal 🤣 I could also get you a discount at the Skechers Food Spot LOL. IDK why I’m single when I come with all these perks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I once got 3 parking tickets in one weekend, so this placard is gold 😅 In my defense, parking in LA is a nightmare.

Before the incident, my sister’s husband said I used to eat like I was high all the time. Pop Tarts, Lunchables, Takis, Cup-O-Noodles… Pretty much anything you can doordash after 10pm or buy at the gas station LOL. I used to eat dinner really late and fast food is the only option available at that time. Plus I just genuinely liked processed food and had access to free soda and vending machines at work. I haven’t gone into the office in over three years, I don’t drink soda anymore, and I eat dinner at 6pm now 👵🏼

I found these plant-based ramen noodles that don’t exceed my sodium intake for the day. Apolo Ohno is an investor, if that helps sway you at all. I added some chili garlic crisp, green onions, tofu, crushed red pepper and an egg to jazz it up.

I don’t even know who I am anymore eating plant-based food, having dinner before the sun goes down, and saying shit like, “jazz it up” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My friend asked if I was going vegan with all this plant-based bullshit, but I’m just trying to find healthier alternatives and cut back on the salt. I could never give up BBQ. Gotta risk it for the brisket!

My mom saw my Halloween haul and was like, “Why are you like this?” 🤣

Please ignore my sister’s big ass Harry Potter mirror in the back LOL.

I love Flamin’ Hot anything. I used to eat a bag of hot fries from the gas station every time I’d drive from LA to SD. I tried these Flaming Hot Keto Puffs and they were a good alternative! Def reminded me of a time in my life I now refer to as BS (before stroke) 😅 I miss eating whatever I want!

Every time I eat “healthy” chips, I think of this scene from The Sweetest Thing 🤣

I hope you’re happy
I wish you all the best, really
Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me
And think of me fondly when your hands are on her
I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier

My sister’s husband heard me blasting Olivia Rodrigo from my room and came by to make sure I wasn’t hanging from my curtain rod. My door was only open because the sun faces this room in the afternoon and it gets super hot in here. I’m gonna get this blackout window film so I can cry in peace block out the sun.

I was totally this kid. I could never find my bus tickets, even though I took the bus to school every morning and night up until high school LOL. They were just loose in my backpack. I still feel panic and anxiety as an adult whenever I get to the drive through window and I’m not ready with my credit card even though I’ve been sitting in line for twenty minutes 😅

Accurate ✌🏼

I want you in the worst way
Is the gate code still your birthday?

John Mayer has an intimate show at The Wiltern next week, but I got waitlisted. If you’re able to get tickets, I will find a way to get to LA. He’s my guiltiest pleasure 😅

I don’t know your thoughts these days
We’re strangers in an empty space
I don’t understand your heart
It’s easier to be apart

My friend got us tickets to Keane at the Greek next year! I was traveling through the Philippines the last time they were in LA in 2020. Then covid hit and our lives took a 180. So glad concerts are back 🙌🏼

Olivia Rodrigo and The Breeders??? My teenage heart is bursting.

Was Olivia Rodrigo even born yet when Cannonball came out in 1993?

I would’ve also been happy if Remi Wolf was opening, but it looks like she’s only gonna be on the international leg of the tour. Anyone want to travel overseas???

Update 9/15: Olivia Rodrigo added two LA dates on Friday 8/16/24 and Saturday 8/17/24. I changed my registration for her last show on the tour! Hopefully, I don’t get waitlisted 🤞🏼

I usually have half a Dave’s Killer Bread Cinnamon Raisin Remix Bagel in the morning with my sugar-free cold brew and unsweetened almond milk (boring!). That’s how my sister’s husband knows I’m awake—he can smell my bagel toasting (sometimes at 8:30, sometimes at 9:30… but if my boss is reading this, always before my shift starts at 9am).

Two of my favorite things combined: banana pudding from Magnolia Bakery (I’ve had it in LA, but they’re famous in NYC) and Ess-a-Bagel (we tried it on our last trip to NYC and loved it). When I saw that two iconic NYC eateries had a collabo, I knew I had to get it, and ordering from Goldbelly was cheaper than flying to New York 😅

I’ve never eaten a plain bagel before (they’re just dyed yellow), but anything slathered with banana pudding schmear and nilla wafers will taste good! It was perfect 👌🏼 (I ate plant-based spam yesterday. I think I can afford some carbs and sugar.)

If you think it’s too sweet and dessert-y to be a bagel, you’re wrong and IDK how we’re friends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, I can’t say “schmear” without thinking of this scene from Miss Congeniality 🤣

My amazon haul today 🖤

When my sister saw the skeleton, she was like, “Why does he look like you when I walk into your room and you’re supposed to be working?” 🤣

Some mood music 👻

I haven’t had spamsilog (spam with rice and eggs for you non-Filipinos) since before the incident. It’s too processed, has too much fat, too much sodium and too many calories. I saw this video of this plant-based spam, so I had to try it. I ate it with rice (I’m eating plant-based spam, you want me to give up carbs, too?) an egg (to increase my good cholestorol levels) and a side of Datu Puti vinegar (because I’m Filipino as fuck).

I don’t usually like vegan food that’s pretending to be meat (I’d rather just eat vegetables), but I do have the occasional Impossible burger when my friend is observing Lent. But this was a great alternative for people who love spam!

I followed this recipe, except I omitted the kale (I don’t like raw kale) and sesame seeds (who the fuck has sesame seeds in their pantry??? It made me think of this video even though I totally have molasses LOL), added some crumbled turkey bacon, croutons, red onion, toasted quinoa and grape tomatoes, and used store-bought blue cheese dressing because it’s what I had on hand (and ain’t nobody got time to make their own dressing!). Okay so I didn’t really follow her recipe, just prepare any salad like you normally would and wrap it in a tortilla. I used to order a salad wrap at the cafe at work when I’d go in, and this reminded me so much of it. Sooo good!

Pammie is home from Hawaii, and she brought me back an exclusive tumblr from Starbucks (that I had before but accidentally cracked one day) and a tiny replica cup because she knows I like miniature things 😆

I’m back at my sister’s house, so now I can referee fights between her and her husband instead of my parents 😅 JK, anytime anyone is fighting, I just pretend I’m sleeping LOL 😴

Shi says it’s still too soon for stroke jokes 😅 *laughs awkwardly*

P.S. When I say I can eat anywhere, I mean it. My friend and I once went to lunch with this vegan girl who insisted we choose the restaurant (“I can find vegan food anywhere,” she said), and then she insisted we order and eat in front of her even though the restaurant was “garbage” and she wasn’t gonna order anything. Most awkward lunch ever! I kept stealing glances my friend as I nibbled on my salad, and she was just going to town on her food like, “She said to eat in front of her, so I’m eating!” 🤣

I’m trying to convince Pammie to throw a Halloween party so I can build this Haunted Cookie Cemetery. And make these Halloween S’mores Pies. And use my skull pan. And make this Halloween charcuterie board.

I made the TikTok Feta Fried Egg Taco for lunch and it was sooo good. Before you come at me, I used a Carb Balance Tortilla 🙄

Googling “how to raise good cholesterol” because my doctor said my number should be higher, and the first suggestion is to exercise more 😅 I’m like, uhhh, can’t I just eat more fish??? 🤣

When my sister’s husband found out the Young the Giant show was rescheduled and I was going with Francis, he was like, “Christine must really trust you with her husband!” What can I say, I’m trustworthy as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But this is also me:

JK, Christine can rest! 🤣

Young the Giant is always a good idea (@ CalCoast Credit Union Open Air Theatre)

One of Francis’ friends was working security, and he was like, “Yooo, you like Young the Giant?!” like it was a bad thing 🤣 Is this like when I liked Hoobastank?! 😅

Even though my calves burn with the fury of a thousand suns (our seats were at the very bottom and it’s a looong way to the top where the drinks are), YTG is always worth it.

Here’s Francis and I texting each other during the show because our seats were right in front of the speakers and we couldn’t hear each other LOL:

Young the Giant tonight! Christine sent us this video of a guy crying at the Beyoncé concert, and we’ve been laughing for a million years.

I love Lang Leav 💔

Lunch with my favorite Mexicans (@ Lolita’s)

I haven’t seen Alicia since before the incident, but she sent me flowers in the hospital and checks in regularly 💕

She finally used the Disney gift card I gave her for her 40th birthday and stayed at the Grand Californian! She brought me back a Dole Whip Candle. Smells so good. Love me some dole whip. And I love that all the gifts she brings me are food-related LOL I have a Mickey Mouse soft pretzel magnet from her on my fridge in LA from that one time I was supposed to meet her at California Adventure, but got into an accident on the way there and totaled my car 😅 I kept all my important documents stuck to the fridge under that magnet, even my car registration renewal that I forgot about and got pulled over in DTLA the first day it expired 😅

Jessie was like, “They drove down from Murrietta, and you guys just went to Lolita’s?” (I go to Lolita’s maybe once a week LOL). She wanted Hans & Harry’s afterward, so that’s why we picked Lolita’s in Bonita. You can’t go to SD without getting good Mexican food and having a fruit strudel from Hans & Harry’s!

Getting sloppy (@ Fairweather Bar)

Don’t worry, I bought a new Padres hat to wear at the game. My old one is probably under my Dodgers hat in my apartment in LA. I only wore the Dodgers hat when I had bedhead or to avoid getting shanked at Dodger Stadium. Jessie was like, “Didn’t you get a Padres hat at the Harry Potter game?” And I was like, “Pammie says those are for display only” LOL.

Love this girl and watching the game from here (@ Lexus Club)

When Jessie showed up at my parents’ house with the uber, my mom was like, “It’s just you two???” concerned as fuck (you get roofied once and no one lets you forget about it). I haven’t had QT with Jessie, just us, since I used to help her carbo-load before her marathons (even though I didn’t run). She has since tore her ACL , and I hardly eat carbs now after the incident 😅

We were talking about what our walk-up song would be. Mine would probably be something Young the Giant LOL and my brother-in-law said his walk-up song would be “Send My Love” by Born Jamericans 🤣

Our seats had access to the Lexus Club, so we watched the majority of the game from there while we chowed down on Hodad’s and got more drinks from the private bar. I can’t ever go back to regular seats again! 😅

To top it off, our uber driver home drove a Tesla. It was my first time riding in one, and the ride was so smooth!

The last time Jessie and I went to a game together, we ran into my brother-in-law at Las Hadas afterward and he told Pammie, “Tell your sister she was sloppy.”

Jessie and I got roofied once at The Waterfront (Pammie’s like, “Please try not to get roofied tonight,” and Jessie was like, “We didn’t try the first time!” LOL) and she and Christine had to pick my ass up from under a bridge downtown one morning another time after my walk of shame. My twenties were wild 😅

I got into the uber and told Jessie I already pre-gamed with a gummy because it takes a long time for me to digest, and she was like, “Do we need to call Christine already???” but our standby was already tipsy because she and Allyn took the kids to D&B’s and had their own Asian Night 🤣

When I was 18, my friends and I slept outside a Ritmo Latino for *NSYNC tickets. That was the way you got good tickets back then 😅 If they have a reunion tour, I’m SO going. I skipped out on my high school reunion, but I wouldn’t miss this LOL. I’ll even sleep outside a Ritmo Latino again if I have to. Do those still exist??? It was like a Spanish Wherehouse 🤣 When I first moved to LA, there was still a Wherehouse near my apartment!

Do boys not like morbid girls???

I need all of it.

Nori was telling me how much she loved Bakar’s Hell N Back song, and I told her I first heard it in an NFL Shop commercial and used it in my IG story when I made Jon and Vinny’s Spicy Fusilli alla Vodka pasta when we were stuck at home during covid.

I haven’t had pasta since the day before the incident when Nori and I had lunch at Olive Garden! We both haven’t eaten there since. It’s like how we avoid eating at Ocean Diner, because every time we would go there for lunch, someone would get fired at work LOL.

Since I had some bloodwork done this morning, I thought today would be a good day to make that pasta again. I had to instacart some vodka because they don’t drink around here, and you can’t make vodka sauce without any vodka. I only needed two tablespoons, so now I have a handle of vodka to celebrate with when I get my bloodwork results back.

I forgot to get tomato paste, so I had to instacart a second order. Since my sister’s elevator is still broken, I took the stairs all the way down to the bottom when I got the delivery notification and was like where the fuck is my order??? I went back upstairs and chatted with the idiot driver who delivered it to the wrong house and put it in their garage! Then, while I was on my laptop chatting with instacart’s customer service to get a refund, I forgot about my garlic bread in the oven and burned it. I was so frazzled. I use instacart so I don’t have to inconvenience anyone, and my sister ended up having to drive me to the grocery store for tomato paste and more garlic bread. Maybe I’ll drink that vodka now LOL I’m all riled up!

I finally made dinner and Pammie and her husband loved it. It was just as good as I remember. I guess it was worth all that trouble 😅

Update 9/1: I got my bloodwork results back, and my A1C went up 1/10 of a point and my white blood cell count is elevated which my doctor said she’ll talk to me about during our appointment next week. I think I’ll drink that vodka now 😓

IDK if I was a bad driver before the strokes, but I definitely was bad at Wordle 🤣

Contrary to popular belief, driving in LA made me a more aggressive, better driver. Even though I’m Asian and a woman 🤣

I bought tickets to Sylvan Esso at The Greek tonight thinking I’d be back in LA by now, but I haven’t started driving yet, so I’m still at my sister’s in SD.

The last time I was in Phoenix, Google was testing their self-driving cars and I remember thinking, “I’d never get in one of those.” 5 years and 2 strokes later, I’m seriously considering getting a Tesla so I never have to drive again (even though I still don’t trust self-driving cars or Elon Musk).

The last time I drove was before the incident when I drove myself to urgent care. The doctor was like, “You drove yourself here?!” To be fair, urgent care is up the street from my apartment. They wanted me to take an ambulance to the ER, but I was like, “I’ll just have my friend, Nori, take me.” I spent the next five days in the hospital, my sister and her husband picked my car up from the urgent care parking lot the next day, and the rest is history…

Full moon tonight ✨ Mercury is in retrograde, but this is the second full moon this month and the biggest and brightest supermoon this year! Charge those crystals and harness all that energy, y’all. My crystals are still on my sister’s rooftop from the last full moon, so I’ll just leave them there 😂

Yvonne?! That’s a french ass name!

I’ve had Food Network on in the background as I’ve been working, and I always thought “star anise” was pronounced “star a-nees,” but I’ve heard both Chef Zakarian and Chef Symon call it “star a-nis” today, and I was like, “Why are they saying it like ‘anus’?” LOL. But I googled it and it is pronounced like anus 🤣

We used to sell these sabatier steak knives when I worked at Red Envelope, and I called them “saba-teer” for months until a customer pronounced it “suh-ba-tee-ay,” and I was like, “These knives are french?! How come no one told me???”

🤣🤣🤣

Bey in LA this weekend, anyone???

JK, I think we settled on the Padres game this Saturday ⚾ Or we can pretend we’re 21 again at El Dorado one last time. We used to go there for drinks, and I’d wake up the next morning with a half eaten burrito next to my face LOL. I used to be fun 😅

I sent this video to Jessie because she has chickens, and I’ve been laughing for 100 years 🤣

I went to Vegas partly because I needed a change of scenery, but mostly because I had to try August’s cronut flavor of the month (@ Dominique Ansel Las Vegas)

Parking at Caesars was $25, so this donut cost over $30, but it was worth it 😋

Our club level tickets gave us access to the Twitch lounge. I paid more to see Beyoncé at Dodger Stadium, and these tickets came with so much more. We had private food vendors, a private bar and private bathrooms! Our seats were even padded. Love the Allegiant. Can’t believe the fucking Raiders have such a nice ass stadium.

Queen B was so good! I might have to go to her birthday show in LA next week. Except I felt severely underdressed at this show in Vegas. I’ll be prepared and dress up next time. I’ll wear thigh high silver boots more than once, right? 😜 My work has a suite at SoFi, too, but I doubt they’d let me use it! My coworkers used the suite for a Rams game once, but parking was $100 🤯

This is my third Beyoncé concert, and def not my last! Should I start planning my Doja Cat show outfit now??? 😸

We saw this car and took it as a sign to buy Beyoncé tickets (@ Caesars Palace)

We out here ✌🏼 (@ Allegiant Stadium)

I wasn’t planning on seeing Beyoncé this weekend. I only brought my Original Berf and Michael Myers shirts 😂 (I obviously wasn’t planning on meeting the love of my life, either). Do I need to go shopping???

Vegas for the weekend ✌🏼

(from bukitothemoon)

My sister’s elevator has been broken since June. She already reported the elevator company to the Better Business Bureau, because they’ve canceled several appointments to fix it and keep making excuses. I’m like, “Where am I? My apartment in LA???” When I first moved into my building, the elevator was broken, and I live on the top floor. The building owner and landlord at the time assured me that the elevator was in the process of getting fixed. When my new neighbor saw the movers carrying stuff up the stairs to my apartment, he told me that the elevator had been broken for 10 months. Then, when I tried to take a shower after a long day of moving, I had no hot water! I had to shower in a vacant apartment on a different floor on the other side of the building for weeks until they fixed it. My old landlord was such a dick (yeah, I’m talking to you, Leonard!). My building has since been sold to a new owner, so I have a much nicer landlord now, the elevator works, I have hot water, and they even removed my popcorn ceiling and renovated my bathroom.

The only reason my sister bought a 4-story house was because it came with an elevator. She originally wanted a ranch-style, 1-story house with no stairs (she also said she’d never live below the 8), but here we are ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I can see the prison from her private rooftop!

The good thing about the elevator being broken is it forces me to use the stairs. My onion booty has turned to an office ass over the years from working a desk job, and now it’s starting to shape up again 😅

Well, I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

Love, love, love this venue and these girls 💕 (@ The Rady Shell at Jacobs Park)

Jason Mraz is so awesome for doing this free hometown show! I used to listen to his local shows at Lestat’s (before there was Spotify) and saw him live countless times back in the day.

It was my first time at The Rady Shell, and it reminds me of the Hollywood Bowl in LA. Except you don’t have to deal with tandem parking and you know, Hollywood. The food is also better (the pizza at the bowl tastes like literal cardboard), and this show didn’t have seats, but they allow you to bring blankets and low lawn chairs. The view coupled with the San Diego weather was perfection. I def want to watch more shows at this venue!

We walked to the Mariott Marquis after the show to get ubers away from the venue, and Jessie convinced some guest we were staying there so he’d let us cut through the hotel with his key card. After he let us in and we were walking by the pool, I was like, “You’re such a good liar,” and she was like, “Should we get in the jacuzzi???” 🤣

I also felt like myself for the first time since the incident tonight. I wore some eyeliner, drank some mules, went to a concert where I didn’t go home early after the opener, and stayed out past 9pm 😅

What, your friends don’t send you pics of their husbands? 🤣

Also, you can always count on Christine for the two finger zoom in LOL.

I hate when people do those “What’s in my bag?” videos on TikTok (like, nobody cares). So since literally no one asked me, here’s what’s in my concert bag:

• MOMSIV clear crossbody bag
• Ikea coin purse
• Burt’s Bees Strawberry Lip Balm
• Coach sunglasses
• IPhone with Burga Almond Latte phone case

I got this bloody bath mat partly because I almost slipped and broke my neck after my shower, but mostly because I’m morbid as hell. Should I get this shower curtain set to complete the look???

Yeah, I don’t know why I’m single, either ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I just need to find someone I can be myself around 🤣

Is this what a hurricane looks like???

I was supposed to see Young the Giant tonight. Yesterday, Pammie was like, “At least the show is indoors. And I was like, “It’s at the Open Air Theater. It’s in the open air.” The show was supposed to be rain or shine, but I guess a hurricane changes things ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My sister will be in Hawaii the week it’s rescheduled for. Anyone want to see Young the Giant with me??? My seats are in AAA and here’s the setlist if that helps sway you at all.

Update: I’m going to the rescheduled show with my friend’s husband 🤣 (I know he likes this band, and I asked my friend first! Plus I would never, partly because it’s Francis Lansang, but mostly because I know Christine can kick my ass LOL).

It’s two in the morning
I don’t need nobody else
But you’re my tragedy
Please don’t make me say it
Cult of personality

I got this alert while looking at dog videos on instagram. Am I the only one not taking this storm seriously???

My parents are in France right now, and instead of sending us pics of delicious food they’re eating and beautiful sights they’re seeing, my mom is sending us pics of the dogs she’s meeting. This is my future LOL (JK, I’m already like this).

Nori and I used to frequent Mendocino Farms for lunch, but parking was always a nightmare at The Point, and we haven’t gone back since there was a romaine shortage and they substituted shredded lettuce in our Modern Caesar 2.0 salads. We’re petty like that 😂

What I miss most about Mendo is the Superfood Krunchies they top all their salads with. I recently found these Cereausly Crispies on Amazon (ain’t nobody got time to toast their own quinoa!), so I had to get some and make myself a salad.

I accidentally forgot to update my address on instacart, and all my salad accoutrements got delivered to my parents’ house. They’re on a European cruise right now, so my sister had to drive my ass to their house to pick up my perishables. That’s what I get for trying to be healthy 😅

Hawaii is one of my favorite places to vacation, and I’m so saddened by the wildfires happening in Maui right now. Chel shared this google doc with links to directly help families that have been affected. Please donate if you can!

Seeing you tonight
It’s a bad idea, right?
Seeing you tonight
Fuck it, it’s fine
Yes, I know that he’s my ex
But can’t two people reconnect?

Olivia Rodrigo gets me 😆

Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you’re doing now
How’s the castle built off people you pretend to care about?
Just what you wanted
Look at you, cool guy, you got it

So when you gonna tell her
That we did that, too?
She thinks it’s special
But it’s all reused
That was our place, I found it first
I made the jokes you tell to her when she’s with you

I hope you’re happy
I wish you all the best, really
Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me
And think of me fondly when your hands are on her
I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier

Brown guilty eyes and little white lies
Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew
That you’d talk to her, maybe did even worse
I kept quiet so I could keep you

All the things I did
Just so I could call you mine
All the things you did
Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

The girls were talking about air tagging their kids, and I was telling them about this Manhattan Beach woman I used to see missing flyers for. She went to LACMA with her husband, used the bathroom and then wandered off. Since she had Alzeimer’s, I was saying how she should’ve had an air tag on her or a way for someone to track her. They ended up finding her bones years later. When I was telling the story, they could see how delighted I was, and they were like, “Doesn’t all this true crime put you in a dark place?” I’m like, “You guys, I’m already there!” 😈

My friends are the best 🙃 Most of my responses have been redacted to keep up the illusion that I’m a nice person 😅

Everybody’s like
“He’s no item”
“Please don’t like ’em”
“He don’t wife ’em”
“He one nights ’em”

20 years later, and I still rock 🤣

I started mayanrocks.com back in 2003 when I was 21, and I just blogged about my exes, concerts and food. 20 years later, I’m still blogging about exes, concerts and food!

Thanks to my 3 followers for sticking by me after all these years LOL.

When we were doing sake bombs at Yokohama Yakitori Koubou last weekend, Shi raised her shot and was like, “To the next step!” And Christine was all like, “What’s the next step?” And Shi was like, “The next step is death!” 🤣

I thought she was gonna cry when she told us about her son potty training and refusing to poo and her daughter almost getting sex trafficked at Sesame Place. Do we need to have an intervention, Shi??? Be honest 😅

I wanna get lost with you
And hide out, out under the light of the moon
I wanna get lost with you
And see what it’s like to spend a whole night with you, just you

I just scored tickets to Jason Mraz’s FREE SHOW at The Shell!

Cedrik Lorenzen videos and cackles at dinner with the girls last night ♥️

They had my most favorite cookie flavor and the first Crumbl cookie I ever tried (Mom’s Recipe), so I had to.

I gotta stop hanging out with my friends’ husbands LOL.

Morning View is my favorite Incubus album, and they’re re-recording it and performing it in its entirety at the Hollywood Bowl in October.

Action Bronson and Paris Jackson are opening, though. Was Hoobastank unavailable? 😂

You only think about yourself
You only think about yourself
You’d better bend before I go
On the first train to Mexico

Do they serve both of these things??? Asking for a friend.

We went to Texas for a wedding once and decided to try What-A-Burger. We were all almost done with our food, and Shi hadn’t gotten hers yet and all she ordered was cheese fries! When they finally brought out her order, it was a box of fries with a slice of cheese still in the wrapper on the side 🤦🏻‍♀️

My boyfriend at the time got a speeding ticket driving back to SD (we were in our twenties and too poor to fly), Chel and her then-boyfriend got into a fight while we were there, and the couple who got married are now divorced. The whole trip was terrible LOL.

I also have to agree with crzylop77. You get better burgers from AM/PM 🤣 I’d choose In-N-Out over What-A-Burger every time, but as far as burger chains go, I like Shake Shack the best.

Update 5/11/2024: We were talking to a girl at Innings Fest, and she was from Texas, so we told her about our wack ass What-A-Burger experience, and she was like, “In Texas’ defense, cheese fries is a fairly new concept for them.” LOL.

I used to watch Pee-wee’s Playhouse every Saturday morning when I was a kid, and I only know what the Alamo is because Pee-wee’s bike was hidden in the basement in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure LOL.

R.I.P. Paul Reubens 💔

Partly because it’s Harry Potter’s birthday, but mostly because I wanted some chocolate cake 😆

If you thought I was gonna have wings on National Chicken Wing Day, you weren’t wrong (@ Buffalo Wild Wings)

The theme song for Evil Lives Here is easily the most perfect and creepiest intro music.

Can someone go to my apartment and make sure there’s no mold growing in my portable A/C unit? 😅

I laughed when I saw this clip because I used to drive by this baseball store on my way to get my brows done called Hitter’s House, and the first time I saw it, I had to do a double take because I thought it said “Hitler’s House” 🤣

P.S. My brow lady in LA probably thinks I’m dead since I used to see her every six weeks for the past decade, and I haven’t seen her since the incident. (Don’t worry, I’ve been going to my sister’s eyebrow threader in SD for the past six months, so my shit’s groomed.)

🤣🤣🤣

Update 8/5/2023: My brow lady texted me this morning to make sure I was okay. I told her I’d see her once I was back in LA. Get you a brow lady who checks up on you LOL. Ask for Devi at Ziba in Torrance!

Who needs Din Tai Fung reservations???

I ordered these dumplings from MìLà (if you advertise on instagram using a celebrity endorser and offer free shipping if I spend a certain amount, I can be easily swayed to buy anything).

I also made some cucumber salad, garlic green beans and sesame noodles (Pammie’s favorite) in case our dinner wasn’t Asian enough.

You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life

I love Kevin Garrett so much (okay, and Shania, too). He’s one of my favorite people to see live ♥️

I was working on my bed (also where I ate my breakfast and lunch today LOL) and I thought I kicked my pill box from my side table, but I was like, “Why do my legs feel wet?” and I turned around and straight up gasped. I kicked my protein shake (which I pour over ice and drink out of a Starbucks cup with a straw so it feels like I’m having an iced coffee from there) and it spilled all over my white sheets and seeped into the mattress.

Luckily, I already had this stain remover from the last time I spilled at Pammie’s house, and it lifted it right out 😅 IDK what to tell you, I love tummy time and I’m a clumsy ass bitch ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I found the smallest hopscotch ever on my walk, and it was so small, I almost fell trying to do it 😅

When I saw this hopscotch, I thought of this video, because a child obviously drew it 🤣

I got my bloodwork results back and everything was excellent. My rheumatologist said, “Your labs look good!” and to that I say, “But I’m hungry all the time.” 😅

At this point, why even create a Tinder profile???

I love Michelle Buteau. She was the host of season 2 of Barbecue Showdown and she has a hilarious new show on Netflix, Survival of the Thickest. Before this, I’d seen her in a number of romcoms where she played the sidekick or a minor B character. I’m so glad she’s finally starring in her own show!

When my speech therapist suggested I read a book out loud to help with my voice (pretty much the only thing still noticeably affected by the strokes), I amazon primed Michelle Buteau’s book so fast.

Redondo Beach News Update, I can’t take your emails seriously when you allow Kim K. to buy ad space on them…

I feel seen. Don’t judge me!

What, you don’t keep your used needles in a frozen margarita pop container???

One time, a friend asked me if I had any gum and I only had candy-flavored gum—Sour Patch Kids Gum and Starburst Gum. He was like, “Are you an adult???” LOL I’m really not.

I’ve been looking forward to having Grimace’s birthday meal all week, but the Mcdonald’s nearby stopped selling it already (I had a to do some bloodwork today, so of course I got a cheeseburger and fries afterward).

This is pretty much how my first day back at work went. Also, I couldn’t remember any of my credentials 😅  I’ve never had to update so many passwords. It’s a good thing the new Local Natives album just came out, because it’s the only thing that got me through this day.

Lifted up, lifted up, lifted up
No, I don’t care about any of that now
It’s all been put behind
It’s falling through the cracks
Lost somewhere between
Where I was and wanna be now

Local Natives was the last band I watched live in LA. I had front row balcony tickets at the YouTube Theater at SoFi, and they didn’t sell enough tickets, so they closed the balcony and made everyone sit on the bottom floor. Except they didn’t tell anyone till they got there and already paid $40 for parking, so my seats were shitty because I skipped the opener and got there later and everyone had gotten their seats reassigned and were standing so I had to stand the whole time around these obnoxious people who talked through the entire show. I usually see Local Natives whenever they have a show in LA, and they had three shows at Hollywood Forever Cemetery after that (a venue that I love), but I was still mad about the YouTube show, so I refused LOL. It’s been a year, so I’m over it now. This new album is really good, so I might see them at The Sound when they close out their tour in San Diego.

This reminds me of the time my grandma was sick and she kept saying, “Take me now, Lord!” so my mom took her to the hospital. After she was better, my mom was all like, “Do you still want the lord to take you now?” 🤣

I can’t believe I go back to work tomorrow. I haven’t worked since the incident, but my work only covers health benefits for 6 months of medical leave, so I have to go back so my benefits don’t lapse. Time sure flies when you’ve had a couple of minor strokes 😅

Powerball and Mega are both up. Anyone want to quiet quit go halfsies on a lotto ticket with me???

Update 7/16/2023: No one has won Powerball or Mega 😬 My coworker was like, “If I won the lotto, I’d probably still work,” and I was like, “If I won the lotto, you’d never see me again!” I used to think that I couldn’t not work, but after 6 months of not working, it turns out I totally can 😅

I once went to Dominique Ansel Bakery in NYC, walked right in and some guy was like, “Ma’am, there’s a line” and I looked and there was a whole ass line outside the bakery 🤣 I guess I wasn’t the only one who wanted a cronut 20 years ago! When I saw there was a Dominique Ansel inside Caesars Palace, I had to brave the 105° weather and go.

Their July cronut is blueberry jam with graham cracker ganache and it was sooo good! The best cronut I’ve had before this was at Kettle Glazed in Hollywood, but this one knocked it out of the park. I mean, Dominique Ansel invented the cronut…

I have a view of the new MSG Sphere from my room at The Palazzo and it’s incredible! I’m def gonna come back and go to a show there.

me: Are the fries at The Counter skinny or big?
Dennis: They’re skinny like you.
me: Skinny fries are my favorite! Okay I’m not gonna go to dinner with you guys when we get to Vegas. It’ll be after 9pm and I’ll be sleeping LOL. I’m just gonna grab something at the airport.
Dennis: I lied before. The Counter’s fries are big. Now you have to eat dinner with us!
me: Joke’s on you. I like ALL fries!

I love a good french fry, and Eater came out with The Top 10 French Fries in LA. I’ve been to 3/10 of those places (Majordomo, République, and Father’s Office). Anyone want to eat some french fries with me???

One last hurrah before I go back to work on Monday ✌🏼

I’ve always wanted to make this Strawberry Pretzel Salad (“a favorite dessert at many white trash gatherings” according to this website). It’s now a favorite dessert at Asian gatherings, and I’ll def be making it again!

These S’mores Cookie Bars lets you have s’mores (my favorite) without the campfire.

I cut up some fresh fruit to confuse my body.

Pammie’s rooftop is my favorite place to watch fireworks. She has a perfect view of the Olympic Training Center.

…or how I start every 4th of July.

Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest was delayed for 2 hours because of the NYC rain, but I eventually got to watch Joey Chestnut win his 16th mustard belt 🌭

I got hot sauce in my bag, swag

– Beyoncé, “Formation”

• TOPS Malibu Single Wish Sparkler
• TOPS Malibu Confetti POP!
• Lost Farm Strawberry Chews
• Sugarfina Baby Whales
• Charms Blow Pops
• Kool-Aid Dippers
• Pelon Pelo Rico
• Dulces Vero Pica Fresa
• Tajín Clásico Chile Lime Seasoning Mini Bottle
• Pocket Sriracha Keychain
• Furikake Chex Mix
• American Flag Sunglasses
• 4th of July Bubble Wands

They’re like the goodie bags my friends give out at their kids’ birthday parties, only better (plus you don’t have to fight any kids for the Mexican candy after they hit it out of the piñata).

If you want more Furikake Chex Mix, you can find my sister’s husband at the Otay Ranch Farmer’s Market on Tuesdays. He says he’s gonna sell it there 🤣

Happy 4th! 🇺🇸