FYI, I hate exercising, but I hate to lose even more!

Me: (looking through my parents’ medicine cabinets) You guys got any muscle relaxers or pain relievers? Vicodin? Oxycodone? Tramadol? I think I went too hard yesterday. My legs hurt.
My dad: That’s normal. The soreness should go away in a day or two.
Me: I don’t have a day or two. Shi is hot on my tail. I have to beat her today.

Now I’m sitting here with Bengay slathered on my fucking stems smelling like my dad after he plays basketball LOL 😅

Astronaut In The Ocean (Remix) – Masked Wolf feat. G-Eazy & DDG

That’s why my girl never leave me
When I’m in it, she get creamy

Dance (A$$) – Big Sean  feat.  Nicki Minaj

Wobbledy wobble, wo-wo-wobble, wobbin’
Ass so fat, all these bitches’ pussies is throbbin’
Bad bitches, I’m your leader, Phantom by the meter
Somebody point me to the best ass-eater

Cockiness – Rihanna

She may be the queen of hearts
But I’mma be the queen of your body parts

No one can do you
The way that I do
Boy I want you
I love it, I love it
I love it when you eat it

The nastier the playlist, the harder I work out 😅

Jessie’s husband is probably the closest I’ll come to having an actual husband (we have the same birthday, we both hate yellow mustard, and we joke that we’re gonna marry each other after Jessie’s untimely death LOL). He always gets stuff with my name in it, and even got me a 4-pack of sours from his favorite brewery. If he wasn’t already married to one of my dearest friends 😜

I read that a routine can help you feel in control of your life, so instead of focusing on things I can’t control, I can set small goals. Like if I fall asleep without taking my makeup off or brushing my teeth, I’m usually like no bigs because I never get cavities and hardly ever get blemishes (only at the most inopportune times, like when I have a party to go to), but last night after I took a shower, I brushed my teeth, put on my cat headband and did a whole ass skincare routine, and took these new melatonin and ashwaganda supplements I instacarted because I’ve been having trouble sleeping.

Before the stroke, I would sleep at like 2, 3, 4 in the morning (on a weeknight!). After the stroke, I was sleeping more than half the day. I was also on medical leave and didn’t work for 6 months, so sleep filled up a lot of that time. I sleep a normal 8 hours now, but I’m usually in bed by 9 or 10. I’ve noticed that I’ve been staying up past midnight some nights, even though I’ve been in bed for hours. I had a restful sleep last night, but I took the gummies like at 9pm. I think I need to take them earlier, because it takes me a while to digest things. That’s why if I take an edible, I do it before an event and during the event, because it could be hours before I feel the effects 😅

I also did 30 minutes on the treadmill an hour after breakfast, lunch and dinner today. It’s the only way I’m gonna complete this Nike Run Club 60-mile challenge Shi has us on this month!

I woke up today and chose me ✊🏼

I just did 30 minutes on the treadmill 😅 Just a reminder that no matter how slow you go, you’re still lapping everyone on the couch!

Chel’s friend (who’s our age!) passed away from a heart attack last week. Everyday, my family tells me I’m lucky to be alive still after having a stroke at 41, and I’m always like, “Am I, though?” 😅 Every time I hear a story like this though, I feel lucky…

Shi sent us a challenge to do 60 miles by end of April on the Nike Run Club App. I hate exercising, but I’m competitive as fuck. Let’s do this!

I’ve been in a funk lately, and retail therapy always helps 😆

I’ve been seeing commercials with Elizabeth Banks for No7 Future Renew Damage Reversal Skincare, and even though I have the face of a 20-year-old (but my back is 55, my knees are 67, and my left hip turns 80 next week), it’s never too early to start a skincare routine. Coupled with Sand & Sky’s Australian Pink Clay Porerefining Face Mask, 24K Gold’s Under Eye Mask, Laneige’s Lip Sleeping Mask, and my Cat Headband, I’ll be able to reverse years of skin damage. Too bad it doesn’t reverse emotional damage… Is there a cream for that???

In case the skincare doesn’t cheer me up, I also bought a new bra that makes my rack look fantastic 😜

Donna’s son has been staying at my sister’s to train at the Olympic Training Center nearby, and he had a meet in LA today, so we went up to watch him compete, have dinner with his friend who lives near me in Manhattan Beach, and stopped by my apartment to pick up my passport before my trip next month. It was raining most of the day, and we had just finished telling him about all the tickets I’ve racked up in LA, when this big ass truck hydroplaned and spun out behind us in the rain. Luckily, he didn’t hit anyone or us. We think Elijah might be our good luck charm 🤗 He placed 2nd at the meet today, just being edged out by this kid from UCSD who PR’d.

Only in LA (@ The Corner Store)

More importantly, do you carry Mango Hi-Chews here???

I can only eat pad thai now when it’s topped with a whole ass lobster tail (@ Nawa Thai Manhattan Beach)

My passport was exactly where I thought it was (even though I haven’t used it since 2020), and I picked up my mail and got a random ass check for $1600 for some Wells Fargo lawsuit settlement. I haven’t banked with Wells Fargo since I had a private loan there for art school over a decade ago, so the check was very unexpected.

I went to the disability office earlier this week and there were like literally 100 people in the waiting room and spilling out into the hallways. I was like, “I’m not waiting in this fucking line,” and told the dude at the desk that we just needed a form to report the disability income I received last year, and he was like, “Everyday, people ask me for a 1099G form to report their disability income, and I’mma tell you the same thing I told them. It’s FREE money. You don’t have to report it. The money comes from social security taxes you’ve already paid.” So I don’t have to report the disability checks I received and saved last year, and now I could buy all the banana pudding ice cream I want. Or a Tesla. I haven’t decided yet.

On the drive home from LA, I found out Donna’s kid likes the Deftones just like his auntie, and we listened to them on the whole car ride home 🖤

The first time I heard this Smiths song live was when Morissey performed it at Fuck Yeah Fest in 2015. I remember I was so high during his set, Deane looked over to me and was like, “Why are you crying?” LOL.

Now I’m streaming Coachella sets from bed in my jammies at 7 o’clock on a Friday night 👵🏻

We used to be fun ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All the things I did
Just so I could call you mine
All the things you did
Well, I hope I was your favorite crime

Your favorite crime, your favorite crime
‘Cause baby, you were mine

I’ve been in such a mood.

I was like, “Do I need to reset my chakras? Is Mercury in fucking retrograde?” Because I like to blame everything but my own life choices for my absolutely sour mood 😅

You guys, Mercury is in retrograde.

If you need an abortion (whether it’s medically necessary for your health, you were raped, or you simply don’t want a baby), you’re welcome to cross over to California where abortions are safe and legal, and stay at my apartment in LA, no questions asked ✊🏼 Well, I have some questions… Like, how are you getting there, because I don’t drive 😆 The nearest Planned Parenthood is just a few miles away (I’ve been to that one and they’ve taken care of me despite their shitty Google rating!)…

I usually do my taxes as soon as I get my W2 in January. I only have one job, I don’t own a house, I’m not married, and I have no kids, so it’s fairly easy and I always get a refund. I just upload my W2 to hrblock.com, answer a few questions, and my refund usually gets direct deposited a few weeks later.

Since I had the stroke last year and received tax-free disability checks during my medical leave for six months, I waited till the eleventh hour to do my taxes, because I assumed I’d have to pay taxes on that income. It took months for my disability to get approved, so I used up all my sick time and vacation (which I was max’d out on) to get paid in the meantime. When my disability finally got approved, it was retro to when I applied in January, so I got a ton of money and it was all tax-free. I didn’t need the money, because I wasn’t spending $5,000 on doordash every month anymore LOL, so I opened a high-yield savings account and just let the money sit in there and gain interest ever since.

I never got a form with the disability income, and HR thinks I should’ve received a separate W2 for that income. I had my friend who goes into the office near my apartment check my mail, and I didn’t receive anything from the company they use. I also emailed my contact at the company, and she just forwarded my email to someone who could help.

I’m too young to know anyone else who has had a stroke or gotten short-term disability LOL, so if you know someone who has, please send them my way to give me some insight 🙏🏼

If I don’t have to pay taxes on those disability checks, I’m either gonna buy a Tesla with that money, or doordash some banana pudding ice cream from Coldstone, I haven’t decided yet…

Sidenote: You don’t want to mess with my boss ass bitch sister. I can hear her in her work meetings sometimes making her employees cry 😅

Our catalog comps were pushed a few days, so I took a nap this afternoon, and had the weirdest dream. A groomer was calling me to confirm the address to drop my dogs off at. He says my ex-boyfriend’s old address, so I call my ex like WTF? And he tells me we’re married with two dogs.

I woke up, because my sister texted me that she saw Lucille (my favorite dog) on her balcony outside.

BRB never sleeping again 😅

Ah, it’s been a year now
Think I’ve figured out how
How to think about you without it rippin’ my heart out
I know, you know, we know
You weren’t down for forever and it’s fine
I know, you know, we know
We weren’t meant for each other and it’s fine
But if the world was ending
You’d come over, right?

File under: Bumper stickers I need when I start driving again.

Welp, the solar eclipse came and went, and the world didn’t end, so I guess I’ll work on those catalog comps due tomorrow 😅

Congrats to Maneet Chauhan for winning Tournament of Champions for the second time! Her first belt was on display when we ate at her resto in Nashville, and now we have to go back there to see her second belt.

I have dreams about the chicken tandoori poutine I ate there 🤤

Where are you now?
Do you still think of me?
Or does your heart belong to someone else’s?
Love, oh, my love
I wonder sometimes, were you just a dream?
I sit in the dark
Wondering if our paths will ever cross again

I once danced to Janet Jackson’s Miss You Much off her Rhythm Nation album for my Modern Jazz class in 1989. I’m sure there’s a VHS tape of my performance floating around somewhere 😅

Not to be dramatic or anything, but I would die for this handsome boy 😍

I rarely lose my shit over babies or children in general (they just don’t give me the same feels that puppies or food do LOL), but I love this kid so much 😭 I had a full head of hair when I was born, too, so that’s why Pammie said he looks like me 😍

Christine and Pammie met baby Isaac today, and I stayed behind because I’m still sick. I instacarted Jessie her favorite strawberry rhubarb pie from Julian Pie Company and some Tillamook vanilla ice cream, and Pammie gave them my Easter goodie bags and our pasalubong from Nashville (a onesie from the farmers market that said, ‘y’all’, strawberry rhubarb jam from Lucky Ladd Farms, and merch from Justin Timberlake’s resto, The 12/30 Club) so I was there in spirit.

If you need me tomorrow between 10:03am and 12:23pm, I’ll just be out on my parents’ deck wearing this goofy ass eyewear I amazon primed just for this occasion.

I tested them out right now, and the sun looks like the moon through these lens. Science! 🤓

(via @betches)

Donna’s son, Elijah, is a champion pole vaulter and is trying to qualify for the olympics in 2028. The Olympic Training Center is near my sister’s house, so he’ll be staying at my sister’s while he trains there for the next few weeks. He’ll be staying in my room at their house while he’s there, so I came over to clean it up a bit. “Isn’t the cleaning lady coming tomorrow?” my dad asked. “Duh. That’s why I’m cleaning.” I’m the kind of person who clips my talons and pumices my feet before getting a pedicure, I’m def gonna tidy up my room and bathroom before the cleaning lady comes. What am I, an animal? 🤪 I mean, I am a little bit, but Leticia doesn’t need to know that…

Jessie and I have always joked that I’d marry her husband after her untimely death and it’s good to know we can still joke about it now that they’re with child 😅

We’re all supposed to meet baby Isaac this weekend, but I don’t wanna see Abe with another woman’s baby I’m still sick.

Dashboard Confessional at SOMA? Is it 2002???

Anybody want to experience two and a half minutes of total darkness with me???

If you thought I was gonna doordash a Cali burrito for National Burrito Day, you weren’t wrong.

Trying to explain to Shi what ‘split’ sauce is reminded me of this scene from Schitt’s Creek 🤣 If we had a cooking show, I’m sure it’d be exactly like this!

Welp, it’s not covid 🙏🏼

Instacarting a covid test and seeing what other tests I can add to my cart…

Dayquil, Nyquil, Emergen-C, Puffs Plus Lotion, Throat Coat herbal tea with slippery elm LMAO. I’m all stocked up!

I feel better already ❤️‍🩹

The height of my tissue pile directly correlates to the horrible day I’ve been having. I would’ve called out sick today, but my catalog comps are due at noon. I just finished, so gonna instacart some medicine and sleep for a million years.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

My dad took me to my dentist appointment this morning (it was just a cleaning, I haven’t had a cavity in at least 20 years), and he went to the VA while I was there and wasn’t back by the time I was done, so I walked to Coffee Bean and had a cold brew latte while I waited. This girl walked in while I was sipping my cold brew with my sunglasses on because I didn’t want anyone to talk to me LOL, and she asked them if they had “decaf expresso.” In my head, I was like, “No, but they have decaf espresso.”

An hour passed after my appointment was over, and I was super annoyed because I had to get back to work and my dad wasn’t answering his phone. My mom could’ve just driven me if he had plans. Anyway, I get a $50 uber back to the house (my dentist is by my sister’s old apartment in Carmel Mountain), and my mom tells me she doesn’t have a key to the house because my dad drove her car, so he has her keys. My dad calls my mom when he’s done at the VA, but we’re already in the uber so I just tell him to drive straight home. The VA’s in fucking La Jolla, so we get to the house before he does and have to wait outside for 10 minutes because we don’t have any keys.

Anyway, this has been my judgy, annoyed face all morning.

I did some retail therapy and bought this cat headband to cheer me up.

Also, I would hope guns aren’t allowed anywhere, not just at Nordstrom Rack 😅

Update: I’m wearing my cat headband and I’ve taken my prozac, so I’m in a much better mood now 😸

Shi knows the worst parts of me and still thinks I’m a good girl 💛

KD’s first communion is coming up, so I got her this cute prayer box, an amethyst to bring her inner peace (she loves crystals just like her auntie), and a chocolate cross (because what 42-year-old 7-year-old doesn’t like chocolate?).

My sister’s husband sent me this IG reel of Coldstone’s new flavor – Going Bananas for JELL-O Pudding – because he knows I love, love, love banana pudding. We doordashed some, and it came with a free mix-in, so we added roasted almonds.

Me: Mmm, it’s good with nuts.
Pammie: See, even you like them.
Me: I only like nuts when they’re roasted. I don’t like it raw.
Pammie: Well, there goes your social life.

My sister is the most technologically challenged person I know (right behind my dad), and one time we were up at my apartment in LA for a doctor’s appointment, and my wifi wasn’t working, and she had like a million zoom meetings to attend that day. I’m like, “Just use your phone as a hotspot.” “What’s a hotspot?” she says. I showed her how to use her phone as a hotspot, and I’m like, “Welcome to the 21st century!” LOL

I have a wireless laser color printer in my room at my sister’s, and I’m at my parents’ house right now, so I asked her to print some pictures of my parents’ bathroom for their remodel. I was surprised she was able to figure it out on her own.

Another time, Shi was helping me with this wedding invitation order and she was using a corner punch to round all the corners. She was like, “All done!” I see a sharp, unrounded corner, and I’m like, “What’s this little guy?” We were at the cafe inside Borders, and we couldn’t stop laughing, we were so loud.

I woke up with a tickle in my throat. I’ve literally only gotten one cold since the pandemic, and I’ve never gotten covid. I used to get sick all the time, but that was when I would go into the office every day, and I’d pick up everyone’s germs. I don’t know how I got sick, when I don’t go anywhere or see anyone. Maybe one of my doordashers was sick LOL. Anyway, it’s raining, so I’m just gonna stay in bed all day if you wanna come be the big spoon.

Do you also love watching videos of dogs getting baths and haircuts, or are you normal? My favorite is this chill ass Shiba ♥️

Nori still goes into the office, so she keeps me updated on the food spots we’d go to for lunch. I miss going to the mall just to get Cinnabon 😅 Or walking by some skanky outfit at Forever 21 and asking Nori if she’d wear it for $3 🤣

Does anyone want to go to a Dodgers game to eat garlic fries in a helmet, Shake Shack, a doyer dog, hot honey chicken tenders, korean short ribs, chili cheese tots and a churro sundae in a helmet see Shohei Ohtani play?

• Lost Farm Strawberry Lemonade Gummies
• Annie’s Cheddar Bunnies Baked Snack Crackers
• Sugarfina Bunny Bark Milk Chocolate Bar
• Sour Punch Easter Straws
• Haribo Easter Happy Hoppers Gummy Candy
• Sour Patch Kids Easter Bunnies Theater Box
• Skittles Easter Original Candies Fun Size
• Starburst Easter Original Fun Size
• Peeps Easter Delights S’mores Chicks
• See’s Candies Scotchmallow Eggs
• Ghirardelli Easter Milk Chocolate Bunny
• Lindt Lindor Easter Assorted Chocolate Candy Truffle Eggs
• Lindt Easter Mini Chicks
• Dove Easter Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Caramel
• Dove Easter Caramel & Milk Chocolate Flowers
• Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Eggs
• Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Creme Bunnies Easter Candy
• Reese’s Pieces Peanut Butter Easter Candy Gift Bag
• Twix Easter Minis
• Snickers Easter Eggs Caramel Chocolate Candy
• Snickers Minis Milk Chocolate Easter Candy Bars
• Rolo Chocolate Caramels Easter Candy
• Kit Kat Miniatures Milk Chocolate Wafer Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Mini Bunnies Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Eggs Easter Candy
• Hershey’s Kisses Milk Chocolate Easter Candy
• M&M’s Easter Milk Chocolate Minis MegaTube
• M&M’s Milk Chocolate Fun Size Easter Basket Stuffers

I don’t observe lent, but I’ll use any excuse to make goodie bags and use this bunny filter 🐰

Hoppy Easter, y’all!

I won’t be happy ’till I’m with you
Home for me is where you are

I sent Shi this post on IG that made me think of her, and we were chatting about Us the Duo breaking up. I mean, I’m unwell, but def not as sad as I was when Michael Jackson or Prince died LOL.

Is anyone else set up like a Buffalo Wild Wings??? 🤣

I went to SDSU for a year before I went to art school, so I have a little bit of Aztec pride. Just a little bit, though. Most of my memories of going to state weren’t good ones LOL. SDSU is a party school, and I wasn’t about that Greek life. I could never find parking, so I bought a trolley pass because I worked at AAA at the time, and there was a trolley stop in their parking lot. I remember I parked one morning and was getting out of my car as the trolley was pulling up, so I missed it. I had to wait fifteen minutes for the next trolley. As I was waiting, I realized I forgot something in my car, and as I was walking back from my car, I missed another trolley and had to wait fifteen more minutes. I finally got to school, but the trolley dumps you in front of state, and the art department was all the way across campus in the back of the school. When I finally got to class, there was a note taped to the door that class was canceled. Son of a! 😅

Welp, I guess I’ll go back to working on my catalog comps 😅

Donna was telling us how she had the famous turtle soup at Commander’s Palace in New Orleans, and she told her friend (who loves turtles), and her husband was like, “Why would you tell her that?” and she was like, “Because the name of the dish is cute. Turtle soup.” And he was like, “You just told your friend who loves turtles that you just ate turtles.” She was like, “No, I didn’t. The description didn’t mention turtles. It said, ‘The authentic Louisiana favorite with veal fond, egg and crushed lemon. Finished tableside with a splash of aged sherry.’ I thought I was eating veal.” #1 I would never eat veal (I don’t eat baby animals LOL) and #2 it says ‘turtle’ in the name! She was like, “A lot of dishes have animals in the name, and doesn’t contain those animals.” I was like, “Name one dish.” And she couldn’t think of any 😂

We’re just over here eating our feelings 😮‍💨

I went with my parents to a showroom this morning because they’re remodeling their bathroom and wanted my opinion on materials. My sister’s husband was like, “That’s what you get for being so stylish,” and my sister was like, “Notice they didn’t ask me to come.” 😅 My sister’s the kind of person who buys the model home so it’s already fully furnished and decorated, whereas I’m really particular about what goes in my studio, and it’s just a rental. I tried three mattresses before I settled on one. I once made my family drive me to the West Elm in Solana Beach because I just had to have this mid century nightstand, and they were the only location in SoCal that had it in stock. Every year, I say I’m gonna enter Apartment Therapy’s Small/Cool Contest (my apartment’s only 450 square feet!), but the contest always happens when I’m really busy at work. And every year, when they announce the grand prize winner, I’m always like, “My apartment’s cuter than that.” When I helped my sister paint her last condo, we went to Lowe’s and she picked a color within minutes. I was like, “Wait, don’t you want to look at all these paint chips (for a few more hours)?” She was like, “Game-time decision, Mayan!” And I’m like, “I don’t understand your sports references.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, since they made me get up butt crack early, I had them stop by Mcdonald’s for breakfast. I was waiting in the lobby for my food, and this old lady hobbles over to this other old lady with her cane and asks her how she’s doing and I thought she knew her, but she asked her name and told her she had a beautiful smile. Then the other lady asked her how she was doing, and she said, “I’m alive and able to walk on my own two feet. It’s a beautiful day!” And I cried into my vanilla iced coffee and drank my tears 😭

Don’t mind my emo ass, I think I’m getting my period 😅

Update: The red devil is, in fact, in my belly. I’d stay away from this hot mess express for the next 3-5 days.

Pretty sure Thalia (my project manager) and I would be besties if we were back in the office (sorry, Nori LOL).

Am I old? 👵🏼 (Don’t answer that).

If you’re good enough, you’ll find a way
Maybe you could cause a girl to change her ways
Do you think about it night and day?
Maybe you could be the one to make me stay

I remember being at a concert with a boy I liked and waiting in line in the bathroom ruminating over all the bad decisions that led me to that moment LOL and wondering why I wasn’t enough for him and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was like, “You look really cute today.” And I thought, “If he can’t see that, then it’s his fucking loss.”

Anyway, sometimes you just need to remind yourself that you’re a bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off nobody! 😅

(via @jordan_the_stallion8)

Just curious… Would you love me if I was a worm?

(JK, that’s not the question, and I already know the answer 🤣 but posting this in honor of the full Worm Moon tonight).